/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Walrus: Jul 9, 2002; by Fluffdaddy

Doc Hawkins posted:

Yeah, I guess I wasn't explicit: in my view two bottles a day, of someone else's wine, for two weeks straight, definitely qualifies as "going apeshit."

Even this. If you're not getting paid, a very generous 40 bucks a day in wine for house and cat sitting is well below market rate.

# ? Jun 26, 2017 17:25

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# ? Jun 12, 2024 11:47

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

This probably isn't worth reading all of but I hate this guy and all the comments are agreeing with him and missing the subtext! I'll try and bold stuff so that hopefully you guys see where I'm coming from even if you disagree. She certainly seems bad from the text but I'd love to hear her version.

quote:

This is my first girlfriend ever. We started dating last July after meeting on OKC, and hit it off. Almost at a year. This is also a very long piece, so please bear with me.

We both struggle with social stuff. She tends to be better but for whatever reasons her social anxieties come about in the oddest of moments in the oddest of ways.

It's been a mostly good ride, with quite a few bumps. Quite recently we've had some big fights over some serious poo poo, and some just plain stupid poo poo. We're working through those, it's tiring.

But the main issue comes to my parents, and how they see her. Her parents love me, and think I'm a great guy. Generally say hi and speak with them briefly, even with a language barrier.

My parents, don't quite see her the same way. Of course my dad is very chill, and my mom is the more intense one, but there's always seemed to be a bit of friction between my mom and her. My gf has remarked to me she thinks my mom doesn't like her and is always judging her, which my mom has told me is not the case. When my gf comes over to my place, she sometimes says hi but then we mostly go up to my room. I'd love to have more interaction with each of our families, but a lot of the time she just rebuffs it with not feeling comfortable.

It almost feels as though she wants to control or monopolize my time with others.

My mom has asked me before what she does to make me happy. I've always felt she has, even when looking at it. We do have different interests in someways. She wants to be a surgeon, I'm a software engineer.

So where some of the real issues occur is on two particular disagreements we've had.

The other day my GF was over my house. I had gone to look for something for her downstairs, like I think a hard drive or something. While down there my mom is cleaning out one of our old file cabinets that had some of my stuff in there. As I was looking for the drive and checking on some pizza I had in the oven, my mom asked me to help her sort through some stuff. Of course I'm gonna help her. This takes about 10-15 minutes or so, and my gf is up in my room just by herself, not interacting with anyone.

She comes down later clearly upset, asks where I was, doesn't even look or speak to my parents, takes some pizza and goes back to my room. I linger down there a little bit longer before returning and having a fight with my gf over this. She says I left her up there for ages and was rude and inconsiderate. She felt I should have told her I was helping my mom out, and that she considered this "her time" because I was done with my homework and was gonna spend some time with her. This always bugged me, but I agreed to let her know if something like that was going to change. This was also the first fight my parents took notice of.

Another fight we had was recently. We spent a weekend at a hotel and my gf left her car at my parents place. It was on the street, just a few in front of the mailbox, but not enough for the mailbox to fully pull all the way up. My parents didn't notice until the next day and my dad sent me a text saying hey could you guys come fix this. I'm thinking it's a simple thing as we'd go up there before we headed to the city later that day. My gf has a very different reaction.

She gets very grumpy at the request, questioning why my parents didn't tell her the first time when she parked. She felt it was fine and didn't want to change it. She said it's wasting her time and that she's annoyed by the request of my parents. Not wanting to fight again over stupid poo poo, I said ok you can stay here and I'll move it. She then had the gall to tell me when I get to my parent's house, just move the car and don't stop and talk to my parents. She also said she didn't want me to park it in my driveway when my parents said she could park it there.

On the phone with my parents when I'm driving up, my parents felt very disrespected. They said she doesn't have the authority to tell me or them where she'll park their car on their property. They also said if she wants to dictate that she could come move it herself. I did just pull it forward eventually, but there's more.

Later the next day, my parents stopped me to talk to me about my gf. They mentioned that they really don't like her anymore and are at the point to where they aren't really welcoming her to her home.
Some of the reasons they mentioned they don't like her:

Feel she's controlling me. They feel it's always me catering to her and doing what she wants, and that I never get that same support

They think that us being on the phone all the time, even when someone leaves because she's wants us to feel "close" and together is a bit weird.

They also feel she's a bit of brat and childish and petulant, and was really disrespectful.

All in all, they don't feel she's the right one for me.

What are my thoughts on this? They're not far off. I sort of share the same ones.

We've had a lot of fights recently, some of them based on how she interprets and reacts to things (as in if I don't say something absolutely gently and with the nicest of tones and loving she gets upset and thinks I'm being harsh), others based on her thinking I'm doing something wrong or that I'm being silly. I've had those thoughts before, and have squashed them to give her benefit of the doubt.

But the longer I think about it, the more I can see it. An example is my girlfriend isn't a big fan of my robotics hobby. She's told me she thinks it's boring and doesn't see the point because she thinks it's just playing with oversized toys. I was offended at this, and said that's an example of not being supportive and she said she was super supportive by going to 2 of my events. 1 which she was there and helped with the poo poo show and then left before it really started, the other because it doubled as a weekend trip for us.

I feel at times I have to walk on pins and needles for fear of not offending her or starting a fight. She says I always start them.

Ultimately, I think deep down I know this relationship isn't going to work out, and even with the counseling we're going through, this poo poo is bound to end badly for me if we continue.

After all these fights, she mentions she doesn't love me the same, and doesn't know why she continues being with me since I make her so unhappy. But I know if I was to actually break up with her, she'd be devastated and angry and blame me for everything.

This isn't healthy. I'm starting to have that come to Jesus moment about this relationship. I need help working out through things. I need to know how do I break out of this without poo poo blowing up spectacularly? I'm not here to try to force a relationship to continue anymore. I just don't know how to break it to her.

tl;dr: This relationship is over. My parents don't like her and feel she's been disrespectful. How do I break out of it since I feel trapped? How do I break out of it since I feel trapped?

Jeffrey of YOSPOS fucked around with this message at 17:30 on Jun 26, 2017

# ? Jun 26, 2017 17:25

Nessa: Dec 15, 2008

La Brea Carpet posted:

Re: witch chat

Is it unusual that a 23 year old woman looks 18? I couldn't tell someone who was 23 or 18 side by side if I tried.

Nah, I don't think so. I'm 29 and just graduated from a 2 year program. Most of my classmates thought I was their age, 19-20. I've always looked younger than my age.

Some folks just look a little young is all.

# ? Jun 26, 2017 17:28

YeahTubaMike: Mar 24, 2005; *hic* Gotta finish thish . . .; Doctor Rope

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

This probably isn't worth reading all of but I hate this guy and all the comments are agreeing with him and missing the subtext! I'll try and bold stuff so that hopefully you guys see where I'm coming from even if you disagree. She certainly seems bad from the text but I'd love to hear her version.

i'm afraid to ask how old these people are

# ? Jun 26, 2017 17:35

TheKennedys: Sep 23, 2006; By my hand, I will take you from this godforsaken internet

Nessa posted:

Nah, I don't think so. I'm 29 and just graduated from a 2 year program. Most of my classmates thought I was their age, 19-20. I've always looked younger than my age.

Some folks just look a little young is all.

I'm 36 and get 25-29 constantly, it's a blessing and a curse. I have trouble nailing down ages on people though, because I look younger and my kids all look bigger/older than they are, so my perspective on what certain ages "look like" is a bit warped

# ? Jun 26, 2017 17:35

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

YeahTubaMike posted:

i'm afraid to ask how old these people are

22 and 21, so not too bad actually.

# ? Jun 26, 2017 17:37

Nissin Cup Nudist: Sep 3, 2011; Sleep with one eye open

We're off to Gritty Gritty land

Having a witch as a gf would rule as long as you didnt piss her off

# ? Jun 26, 2017 17:42

Buzkashi: Feb 4, 2003; College Slice

Nissin Cup Nudist posted:

Having a witch as a gf would rule as long as you didnt piss her off

Who would really wanna go and top that?

# ? Jun 26, 2017 18:15

DJ Fuckboy Supreme: Feb 10, 2011; And when you stare long into the abyss, you become aggressively, terminally chill

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

This probably isn't worth reading all of but I hate this guy and all the comments are agreeing with him and missing the subtext! I'll try and bold stuff so that hopefully you guys see where I'm coming from even if you disagree. She certainly seems bad from the text but I'd love to hear her version.

I am curious as to what you refer to by "missing the subtext." What am I not seeing?

# ? Jun 26, 2017 18:20

spite house: Apr 28, 2009

Cakefarts Carol posted:

I am curious as to what you refer to by "missing the subtext." What am I not seeing?

Really really REALLY overinvolved and passive-aggressive parents who have that dude on a leash about half an inch long.

# ? Jun 26, 2017 18:22

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Cakefarts Carol posted:

I am curious as to what you refer to by "missing the subtext." What am I not seeing?

mama's boy. Girlfriend sounds pretty irritating too though

# ? Jun 26, 2017 18:22

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

spite house posted:

Really really REALLY overinvolved and passive-aggressive parents who have that dude on a leash about half an inch long.

Dudes a giant pussy.

# ? Jun 26, 2017 18:28

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

Guy's with overbearing mothers will find themselves inexorably drawn to overbearing women.

I suspect there's some comfort in always being told what to do and how to act. Like, you don't have to worry about living your own life if someone needs you to live theirs for them.

# ? Jun 26, 2017 18:30

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

blarzgh posted:

Guy's with overbearing mothers will find themselves inexorably drawn to overbearing women.

His parents might be a bit like that as he seems.... special. A special boy.

# ? Jun 26, 2017 18:41

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Considering he doesn't delve any further into why his gf might feel unwelcome in their home when he first brings it up I'm taking the rest of that post with a grain of salt. Everything else discussed seems to come after there's already been some tension between her and his parents.

I wonder if race is an issue, OP sorta hints at it when he mentions there's a language barrier between him and her parents but never explicitly says anything about that dynamic otherwise.

# ? Jun 26, 2017 18:48

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

ArbitraryC posted:

Considering he doesn't delve any further into why his gf might feel unwelcome in their home when he first brings it up I'm taking the rest of that post with a grain of salt. Everything else discussed seems to come after there's already been some tension between her and his parents.

I wonder if race is an issue, OP sorta hints at it when he mentions there's a language barrier between him and her parents but never explicitly says anything about that dynamic otherwise.

Mentioning race is racist.

# ? Jun 26, 2017 18:51

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

My wife [29/F] has developed some really odd habits and I [27/M] really don't know how to handle it.