Internet Webguy posted:

King Possum III posted:

6

Technowolf posted:

What?

Wistful of Dollars posted:

Ketchup is the only thing that belongs on a hot dog.

Wistful of Dollars posted:

Ketchup is the only thing that belongs on a hot dog.

Jay Rust posted:

We are parodies of ourselves, goons

King Possum III posted:

Spiffster posted:

Spiffster posted:

6.

King Possum III posted:

7

Pants Donkey posted:

But ketchup is red

King Possum III posted:

3

Nenonen posted:

Someone post that W ketchup that was the conservative alternative to liberal Heinz, tya

quote:

For more than a decade W Ketchup defended the liberty of Americans to buy delicious ketchup not owned and controlled by left-wing agitators and oligarchs. All games must end, however; we depart to prepare for the conflict to come, the greatest battle that our nation will ever face—when the credit bubble upon which big business, big academia, and big government draw their sustenance pops, they will defend their nefarious privileges by force; they will raid our bank deposits and give us worthless IOUs instead; they will impose price controls and capital controls and martial law; they will take our liberty; and they will tell us it is for our own good; they will say they are saving us from ourselves.

Most Congressmen are too ignorant, too stupid, or too venal to resist. The march toward fascism that began under Franklin Roosevelt speeds to a gallop, yet they pay no heed, their private graft raised above the public good. Observe: here comes Hillary Clinton, the Wall Street candidate, who used her office to extort billions into her slush fund masquerading as a charity, ready to seize plenary power; and there is John Roberts, who will give it to her, having flagrantly violated his oath to defend the Constitution by vesting the federal government with boundless power. Listen: a chorus of oligarchs, Warren Buffet, George Soros, Lloyd Blankfein tell us this is capitalism, with all its ugly but necessary flaws, the price of progress. It is not capitalism. It is corporatism. It is tyranny. Its proper name is fascism.

And who will defend us? The Republican leadership bows to its corporate masters, made rich not by serving the mass of consumers but through political machinations and exploitation of an artificial credit raised to heights unknown to history. They consent to big government as long as big business benefits. Libertarians, the opposition within the party, who understand the domestic enemy, would leave us defenseless against the foreign, disarmed by the naive and dangerous view that a barbarous foe that has been steadily encroaching upon civilization for fifteen hundred years can be placated by ignoring it.

The enemies are inside the gates—and what gates there were are thrown down by traitors within our midst, by Obama. The time draws nigh when all men will be called upon to decide whether to stand with our founding fathers by risking their lives, fortunes, and sacred honor to preserve the delicate flower that is liberty or whether to slink back to that darkness Christ met, when the whole world lay in bondage, when man’s only purpose was to serve Caesar.

This is the challenge our birthright and our duty compel us to meet. It is for this terrible calling that we take leave of W Ketchup.

Dork457 posted:

Funniest Drybones?

Dork457 posted:

Funniest Drybones?

Pants Donkey posted:

You weren't joking

http://www.wketchup.com/

Trapezium Dave posted:

Clement:

Pants Donkey posted:

You weren't joking

http://www.wketchup.com/

Pants Donkey posted:

You weren't joking

http://www.wketchup.com/

quote:

W Ketchup Prices to Rise after Independence Day

Eagle Bridge, NY — June 20, 2012 — In November of 2008, the Federal Reserve warned of deflation and began printing money. Since then commodity prices have surged, with cotton increasing 89%, gasoline rising 96%, and copper spiking 117%. Food prices have also increased, with flour rising 17%, beef up 23%, and coffee 24% more expensive.

In a recent interview, Fed Chairman Bernanke claimed: “This fear of inflation is way overstated.”

Dan Oliver, CEO of W Ketchup, reacted: “It doesn’t take a PhD in economics to understand that printing money causes prices to rise. First the new money goes into the financial markets, paying for the bonuses of Wall Street titans, and then it goes into retail prices, reducing the living standards of normal Americans.”

On July 5th W Ketchup will raise its prices.

Dan Oliver, CEO of W Ketchup, explained: “Over the past few years, every single cost has steadily increased because of Bernanke’s policies. We have resisted raising prices as long as possible, but must now act to keep the business viable. We are announcing the price increase because, unlike other brands, which try to fool their customers by shrinking package size, we respect our loyal patrons.”

In 2009, W Ketchup warned its customers that Bernanke’s money printing would cause inflation, and urged all Americans to protect themselves by buying gold. In 2010 W Ketchup again exhorted all patriotic Americans to buy gold to frustrate Obama’s plan to convert America to socialism. Gold has increased 67% since these warnings.

W Ketchup Chairman Bill Zachary commented: “As it has for millennia, gold has preserved purchasing power against the deprivations caused by incompetent and corrupt leaders. With America’s wealth being destroyed by Bernanke’s Keynesian theories and Obama’s radical leftwing agenda, individual citizens can’t rely on others but must act to protect themselves. We recommend gold, ammunition, and a stockpile of delicious W Ketchup.”

Orders must be placed by June 23 to guarantee delivery by the 4th of July.

Johnny Walker posted:

See, I hear people talk a lot about crazy lefty loons and all and yeah we've got ours but man the right is just chock full of 'em.

The more I read the more I thought this must be satire because it reads sort of like a Bear Cave Soup article but no, I am pretty sure this was for real.

Apple Pie Hubbub posted:

2

Apple Pie Hubbub posted:

Pakled posted:

Good god, why don't you apply this criticism to people who actually matter, like, I dunno, the children of the current president, and not somebody entirely politically irrelevant?

Avirosb posted:

gently caress off, Ramirez.

Apple Pie Hubbub posted:

1

Apple Pie Hubbub posted:

4

Apple Pie Hubbub posted:

2

Lord Hydronium posted:

But Melania's been in New York...

Apple Pie Hubbub posted:

1

King Possum III posted:

4