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Basebf555
Feb 29, 2008

The greatest sensual pleasure there is is to know the desires of another!

Fun Shoe
The most hilarious thing about that pool hall scene is the way they set it up so Seagal gets to do that Aikido master thing where he's on his knees and guys run at you one by one but you effortlessly deflect them away with various throws that would never work in real life.

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NoneMoreNegative
Jul 20, 2000
GOTH FASCISTIC
PAIN
MASTER




shit wizard dad

Olympic Mathlete posted:

My favourite thing about Steven Seagal is that Run the Jewels' El-P loves him because he's a sack of poo poo human. The whole interview is about Steven Seagal and it's incredible.

http://www.avclub.com/article/run-jewels-brutality-music-and-magic-steven-seagal-212268

This is great, the best interviews are just letting someone with a passion talk at length and only shepherd them gently.

It read a bit like the old Fashion SWAT stuff from the front page, two guys who have a rapport chilling and expounding on a bullshit topic :cool:

HUNDU THE BEAST GOD
Sep 14, 2007

everything is yours

syscall girl posted:

I just can't help but think of the tv news guy who did two (2) four loko originals as a puff piece and had to be hospitalized.

I know it was mostly the alcohol but the ER guys were acting like he'd been on a speedball binge, which I guess in a way he had been but sheesh.

Good, he deserved it.

Depressio111117
Oct 18, 2014

A whole world of imagination beyond the oompah band.
Seagal has a reputation for injuring stunt people who do fight scenes with him, and for being unapologetic about it. May be why he only did close ups in the latter portion of his career.

Also I have no idea if this story is true, I heard it from some SFX guys - some movie's first day of filming, he arrives several hours late, meditates in his trailer for a little while, and then declares that the "chi" of the set is all wrong and they have to tear it down. They shut down filming for the day while the director and producer did their best to tell him that that wasn't going to happen. So the next day he comes to set (late again) and spends about thirty minutes walking around set smudging it with sage to give it his Seagal-blessing.

Neo Rasa
Mar 8, 2007
Everyone should play DUKE games.

:dukedog:

Depressio111117 posted:

Also I have no idea if this story is true, I heard it from some SFX guys - some movie's first day of filming, he arrives several hours late, meditates in his trailer for a little while, and then declares that the "chi" of the set is all wrong and they have to tear it down. They shut down filming for the day while the director and producer did their best to tell him that that wasn't going to happen. So the next day he comes to set (late again) and spends about thirty minutes walking around set smudging it with sage to give it his Seagal-blessing.

I choose to believe this is true.

Colostomy Bag
Jan 11, 2016

:lesnick: C-Bangin' it :lesnick:

Sounds legit. I always enjoyed 'Hard to Kill' and watching Seagal come back from a several year coma.

Snowglobe of Doom
Mar 30, 2012

sucks to be right

Depressio111117 posted:

Seagal has a reputation for injuring stunt people who do fight scenes with him, and for being unapologetic about it.

Yeah the stunt guys really did not like him, to the point where if anyone else ever accidentally hits them they go "It's okay, you're no Steve Seagal."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1il9FT5eZ0

There's a whole bunch of youtube videos of people dishing on Seagal

GonSmithe
Apr 25, 2010

Perhaps it's in the nature of television. Just waves in space.

Burn this planet to the ground


Edit- I think I'm gonna order a ticket just to get one because holy poo poo a Valerian Fidget Spinner is the tackiest thing I've ever seen

GonSmithe fucked around with this message at 16:52 on Jul 7, 2017

FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

Literally everything had its own pogs back in the day. Fidget spinners are the pogs of this generation.

Air Skwirl
May 13, 2007

Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed shitposting.

FreudianSlippers posted:

Literally everything had its own pogs back in the day. Fidget spinners are the pogs of this generation.

Yeah, but I don't remember headlines like this back in the pog days

Oklahoma Man Rushed To Hospital After Fidget Spinner "Cock Ring" Gets Stuck

John Wick of Dogs
Mar 4, 2017

A real hellraiser


I saw a fidget spinner pornographic video the other day. The lady was spinning it against various erogenous zones in order to feel good. She had a lot of tattoos.

Phylodox
Mar 30, 2006



College Slice

Skwirl posted:

Yeah, but I don't remember headlines like this back in the pog days

Oklahoma Man Rushed To Hospital After Fidget Spinner "Cock Ring" Gets Stuck

Probably because the media wasn't as ubiquitous or globalized back then. You're dreaming if you think nobody ever had to go to the hospital to have a slammer pulled out of their rear end.

CelticPredator
Oct 11, 2013
🍀👽🆚🪖🏋

fidget spinners own and actually work.

Young Freud
Nov 26, 2006

FreudianSlippers posted:

Literally everything had its own pogs back in the day. Fidget spinners are the pogs of this generation.

I think the current mememotif is that they're more the millennial version of the boomers' pet rock.

Dinosaurs!
May 22, 2003

Depressio111117 posted:

Seagal has a reputation for injuring stunt people who do fight scenes with him, and for being unapologetic about it. May be why he only did close ups in the latter portion of his career.

I knew a guy in college who, when telling stories involving physical violence, would perform the acts on the person he was talking to. Some people just don't understand "pretend."

Tars Tarkas
Apr 13, 2003

Rock the Mok



A nasty woman, I think you should try is, Jess.


GonSmithe posted:


Burn this planet to the ground

Hahaha! Fandango has like special offers each week for whatever big movie is coming out, I think I got free Mother's Day flowers for Guardians of the Galaxy 2

CelticPredator
Oct 11, 2013
🍀👽🆚🪖🏋

Alamo Drafthouse's gives me free movies and food.

Phylodox
Mar 30, 2006



College Slice

Young Freud posted:

I think the current mememotif is that they're more the millennial version of the boomers' pet rock.

They're pet rocks and pogs and slap bracelets and those little plastic poppers everyone would use to give themselves hickeys and tamagotchis and Pokémon etc. etc. etc.

Len
Jan 21, 2008

Pouches, bandages, shoulderpad, cyber-eye...

Bitchin'!


Phylodox posted:

They're pet rocks and pogs and slap bracelets and those little plastic poppers everyone would use to give themselves hickeys and tamagotchis and Pokémon etc. etc. etc.

See that's the problem with "millennial" I was alive and had everything mentioned except a pet rock. They need to split that poo poo up because goddamn is it a huge range.

Casimir Radon
Aug 2, 2008


I had Pokemon and a knockoff Tomagotchi. Not a Giga-Pet or anything like that, something cheaper yet that my grandma bought the grandkids. That's all I've done for trends.

Phylodox
Mar 30, 2006



College Slice
I remember M.U.S.C.L.E. men and Garbage Pail Kids being the hot thing when I was young.

Iron Crowned
May 6, 2003

by Hand Knit

Phylodox posted:

I remember M.U.S.C.L.E. men and Garbage Pail Kids being the hot thing when I was young.

M.U.S.C.L.E. men owned. I used to have them go on adventures in the backyard. Then I'd find them the next spring half sun-bleached. The purple ones turned the best color

Shageletic
Jul 25, 2007

Well I've been on a kick of looking up youtube vids about Steven Seagal, highlights include him making GBS threads himself while trying to fight a judo master and John Leguizamo making GBS threads (metaphorically) all over him.

Found this vid: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cUNU8GkMso

Worth a look.

ruddiger
Jun 3, 2004

Phylodox posted:

I remember M.U.S.C.L.E. men and Garbage Pail Kids being the hot thing when I was young.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08ABhmCSI_w

Neo Rasa
Mar 8, 2007
Everyone should play DUKE games.

:dukedog:

Shageletic posted:

Well I've been on a kick of looking up youtube vids about Steven Seagal, highlights include him making GBS threads himself while trying to fight a judo master and John Leguizamo making GBS threads (metaphorically) all over him.

Found this vid: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cUNU8GkMso

Worth a look.

Upon rewatching the Country Max episode really is the definitive Stephen Seagal story.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nC-OucPbBCo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPzQ581ql2g

Neo Rasa fucked around with this message at 19:55 on Jul 7, 2017

Davros1
Jul 19, 2007

You've got to admit, you are kind of implausible



Okay, you want a Seagal movie to watch? Here's the one to watch:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0493424/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_73

Why?

"Screenwriter Joe Halpin is quoted in the book "Seagalogy: The rear end Kicking Films of Steven Seagal" as saying that "Attack Force" had originally been written and filmed as "Harvester," a sci-fi/horror movie with Steven Seagal and his men battling an invading force of vampire space aliens. After Seagal, Halpin and director Michael Keusch had delivered the finished sci-fi film, the production and distribution company decided to eliminate the sci-fi space-alien elements and replace them with another plot about a super-addictive drug that turns its users into superhuman killers. They called back a few of the lower-paid actors for re-shoots, re-dubbed the majority of Seagal's dialog via ADR, totally re-edited the film and changed it into "Attack Force" as it is now known. Seagal and Halpin were not involved."


Now, when they say "re-dubbed", he's not talking like the producers said, "Okay, Steve's got this speech here that doesn't fit the plot, so redub it." What he's saying is, the producers said, "Okay, Steve's got this speech here that doesn't fit the plot, so redub lines 2, 4, and 7, but keep the rest of it."

It's bonkers.

I guess the other take away is that there's a book called "Seagalogy: The rear end Kicking Films of Steven Seagal"

Guy Mann
Mar 28, 2016

by Lowtax
I always liked Segal being in Machete and ending his fight scene by committing suppuku, presumably because he refused to allow himself to lose a fight in a movie.

Hat Thoughts
Jul 27, 2012

Davros1 posted:


I guess the other take away is that there's a book called "Seagalogy: The rear end Kicking Films of Steven Seagal"

I was gonna give u poo poo for not reading the thread since it was already brought up but apparently the Steven Seagal derail's been going on for 4+ pages so understandable

Neo Rasa
Mar 8, 2007
Everyone should play DUKE games.

:dukedog:

Davros1 posted:

Okay, you want a Seagal movie to watch? Here's the one to watch:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0493424/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_73

Why?

"Screenwriter Joe Halpin is quoted in the book "Seagalogy: The rear end Kicking Films of Steven Seagal" as saying that "Attack Force" had originally been written and filmed as "Harvester," a sci-fi/horror movie with Steven Seagal and his men battling an invading force of vampire space aliens. After Seagal, Halpin and director Michael Keusch had delivered the finished sci-fi film, the production and distribution company decided to eliminate the sci-fi space-alien elements and replace them with another plot about a super-addictive drug that turns its users into superhuman killers. They called back a few of the lower-paid actors for re-shoots, re-dubbed the majority of Seagal's dialog via ADR, totally re-edited the film and changed it into "Attack Force" as it is now known. Seagal and Halpin were not involved."


Now, when they say "re-dubbed", he's not talking like the producers said, "Okay, Steve's got this speech here that doesn't fit the plot, so redub it." What he's saying is, the producers said, "Okay, Steve's got this speech here that doesn't fit the plot, so redub lines 2, 4, and 7, but keep the rest of it."

It's bonkers.

I guess the other take away is that there's a book called "Seagalogy: The rear end Kicking Films of Steven Seagal"

The best thing about this movie is when I saw it on Netflix it actually had the alien invasion plot description. Not that the movie had aliens, just the Netflix description was of the alien vampire plot.
IIRC the DVD describes a third plot about a super drug manufactuer that doesn't involve super soldiers.

Humbug Scoolbus
Apr 25, 2008

The scarlet letter was her passport into regions where other women dared not tread. Shame, Despair, Solitude! These had been her teachers, stern and wild ones, and they had made her strong, but taught her much amiss.
Clapping Larry

ruddiger posted:

Under Siege 1 is good, but instead of Under Siege 2, I'd watch Out For Justice or Above the Law instead. Those two at least have great villains (William Forsythe and Henry Silva respectively) and Seagal sadistically maims and butchers pretty much anyone he encounters.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_An5h3v00Ng

Above the Law also has Pam Grier in it which is always good.

Cage
Jul 17, 2003
www.revivethedrive.org
I thought Id look up what some of his latest movies were. Good god he looks like a bloated, saggy Danny McBride.



The contrast between that fat neck and normal body is amazing.

Big Mean Jerk
Jan 27, 2009

Well, of course I know him.
He's me.

Cage posted:

I thought Id look up what some of his latest movies were. Good god he looks like a bloated, saggy Danny McBride.



The contrast between that fat neck and normal body is amazing.

McBride would be inspired casting for a Seagal biopic.

MariusLecter
Sep 5, 2009

NI MUERTE NI MIEDO

Big Mean Jerk posted:

McBride would be inspired casting for a Seagal biopic.

Wouldnt need to change anything really from the Eastbound and Down formula.

Dr. Dirt
Jan 1, 2008

This one goes out to all the Legomaniacs!
Someone mentioned Seagal's music, which reminded me: at some point, he was playing with a band called Thunderbox. This is hilarious for Australians, because that's what we call an outside toilet.

MechanicalTomPetty
Oct 30, 2011

Runnin' down a dream
That never would come to me

Cage posted:

I thought Id look up what some of his latest movies were. Good god he looks like a bloated, saggy Danny McBride.



The contrast between that fat neck and normal body is amazing.

:lol: Did they really just photoshop his head onto someone else's body!?

Also for some reason I thought he was the villain in Broken Arrow but I looked it up and apparently it was Travolta. I wonder how the fight scenes in that movie would have panned out if it was him instead.

Guy Mann posted:

I always liked Segal being in Machete and ending his fight scene by committing suppuku, presumably because he refused to allow himself to lose a fight in a movie.

IIRC, his character actually fucks it up too and he just spends his final moments in a fetal position pathetically bleeding out instead of looking like a badass.

Cage
Jul 17, 2003
www.revivethedrive.org

MechanicalTomPetty posted:

:lol: Did they really just photoshop his head onto someone else's body!?
That is suuuuper common! Look at my post history for some other ridiculous ones.

edit: poo poo, thought I was in the poster megathread.

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3461865&userid=39349

Most feature badly photoshopped heads.

Casimir Radon
Aug 2, 2008


Anyone remember approximately when this Mountain Dew commercial is from? I seem to recall that I had no idea who Seagal was before I saw it. I'm thinking 2003-2004 or there abouts.

Young Freud
Nov 26, 2006

I'm still wondering how the Cockpuncher segment in The Onion Movie even got signed off on...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_xuf9KjmcA

It's very obvious that it's a stunt double for the gag stunts, but they still got Seagal's face in on this.

Firstborn
Oct 14, 2012

i'm the heckin best
yeah
yeah
yeah
frig all the rest
"I once heard a story about Steven Seagal—this is another reason that I love this motherfucker—I heard a story from somebody about Steven Seagal, that a producer came into his—I think this story’s out now, but I heard it years before it came out—that he called his producer into his home, and he said, “Come here, you have to come here,” and the guy came into his home, and Steven Seagal had a 10-foot wooden desk, and on the desk was a script and a gun. And Steven Seagal was sitting at the desk and he was crying and the guy said, “Steven, what’s wrong?” And he looked up and he said, “I just read the best script I have ever read in my life.” And the producer said, “Wow, that’s amazing. Who wrote it?” And he said, “I did.” Like, Steven Seagal is batshit, loving insane. "


Hahahahaha!

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Wandle Cax
Dec 15, 2006

Davros1 posted:



I guess the other take away is that there's a book called "Seagalogy: The rear end Kicking Films of Steven Seagal"

It's written by Vern who is a cool guy and writes great reviews of mostly action type films ranging from big budget to obscure. He gives all movies a fair shot and discusses what is interesting or entertaining about them, and writes about aspects of them you normally wouldn't read in a review. his site is outlawvern.com

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