Newspaper Spider-Man: "Yo, Spider-Man! Down here!"

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > BSS: Bisexual Super Son > Newspaper Spider-Man: "Yo, Spider-Man! Down here!"

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mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Begemot posted:

Mole Man beat up the Thing (admittedly by hitting him in the shins with a stick), he's probably pretty strong.

So you're saying he has a gold stick?

# ? Jul 14, 2017 03:45

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# ? May 12, 2024 21:24

Push El Burrito: May 9, 2006; Soiled Meat

mind the walrus posted:

So you're saying he has a gold stick?

Aunt May will find out about it on the honeymoon.

# ? Jul 14, 2017 03:47

Zeeman: May 8, 2007; Say WHAT?! You KNOW that post is wack, homie!

Mole Man looted the treasury of Subterranea so that he could be a sugar daddy to May

# ? Jul 14, 2017 03:47

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Former dictator flees country with most of the treasury on his person... probably fine, right?

# ? Jul 14, 2017 03:50

Mycroft Holmes: Mar 26, 2010; by Azathoth

CapnAndy posted:

Gold is renowned for being extremely heavy! It's one of its most well known properties!

the earth has mass, which creates gravity
mole man lives underground
closer to the earths core
closer to the source of earths gravity
more gravity=heavier=makes you stronger

I don't actually believe this

# ? Jul 14, 2017 03:52

bunnyofdoom: Mar 29, 2008; I've been here the whole time, and you're not my real Dad!

I love our global poltical analysis of newspaper spiderman. Does the now impoverished subterranea have a refugee crisis? Has Justin Trudeau agreed to bring 50,000 moloids to Canada?

# ? Jul 14, 2017 03:52

Synthbuttrange: May 6, 2007

Mycroft Holmes posted:

the earth has mass, which creates gravity
mole man lives underground
closer to the earths core
closer to the source of earths gravity
more gravity=heavier=makes you stronger

I don't actually believe this

Can Mole Man beat Goku?

# ? Jul 14, 2017 03:56

Jerusalem: May 20, 2004; Would you be my new best friends?

Now that it is established that Moleman is rich as gently caress, it basically destroys any chance of him sticking around as Uncle Moley because the closest Peter can get to having money is watching his far more talented wife succeed independently of him.

Uncle Moley :smith:

# ? Jul 14, 2017 04:13

Lobok: Jul 13, 2006; Say Watt?

Choco1980 posted:

The proportional strength of a mole!

Oooh wait. Moleman! He has the strength of 6.02 × 1023 men!

# ? Jul 14, 2017 04:18

Push El Burrito: May 9, 2006; Soiled Meat

Moleman uses his fortune to start a string of fast casual Mexican restaurants known for its mole sauce.

# ? Jul 14, 2017 04:22

Chinston Wurchill: Jun 27, 2010; It's not that kind of test.

Choco1980 posted:

The proportional strength of a mole!

Mole Man, Mole Man,
Does whatever a mole can
Digs a hole, any size
With his stick, he'll hit your thighs
Look Out!
Here comes the Mole Man.

Is he smart?
Listen dude,
He's got technological aptitude
Where is his kingdom found?
Take a look underground
Hey, there
There goes the Mole Man.

In the depths of a cave
You can't see all that well
But he is handsome and brave
And his radar sense is swell.

Mole Man, Mole Man
Subterranean Mole Man
Gold and diamonds
He does hoard
Aunt May's love is his reward.

To him, life is a game of Dig Dug
Wherever there is a tasty grub
You'll find the Mole Man.

Chinston Wurchill fucked around with this message at 04:52 on Jul 14, 2017

# ? Jul 14, 2017 04:38

David D. Davidson: Nov 17, 2012; Orca lady?

Synthbuttrange posted:

Can Mole Man beat Goku?

Well Z or Super Goku would probably get clobbered since they don't have sticks, however original Dragonball Goku could maybe hold his own since he also uses a stick but I believe Moleman would still have the advantage.

# ? Jul 14, 2017 05:40

Begemot: Oct 14, 2012; The One True Oden

Chinston Wurchill posted:

Mole Man, Mole Man,
Does whatever a mole can
Digs a hole, any size
With his stick, he'll hit your thighs
Look Out!
Here comes the Mole Man.

Is he smart?
Listen dude,
He's got technological aptitude
Where is his kingdom found?
Take a look underground
Hey, there
There goes the Mole Man.

In the depths of a cave
You can't see all that well
But he is handsome and brave
And his radar sense is swell.

Mole Man, Mole Man
Subterranean Mole Man
Gold and diamonds
He does hoard
Aunt May's love is his reward.

To him, life is a game of Dig Dug
Wherever there is a tasty grub
You'll find the Mole Man.

# ? Jul 14, 2017 05:42

Tiggum: Oct 24, 2007; Your life and your quest end here.

Jerusalem posted:

Now that it is established that Moleman is rich as gently caress, it basically destroys any chance of him sticking around as Uncle Moley because the closest Peter can get to having money is watching his far more talented wife succeed independently of him.

Having a rich uncle doesn't actually make you rich though.

# ? Jul 14, 2017 06:06

Jerusalem: May 20, 2004; Would you be my new best friends?

Tiggum posted:

Having a rich uncle doesn't actually make you rich though.

You're right, maybe he'll just stand in the window in the rain watching while May and Moley enjoy the luxury of wealth without him, in true proper NSM fashion :shobon:

# ? Jul 14, 2017 06:14

LazyMaybe: Aug 18, 2013; oouagh

# ? Jul 14, 2017 06:27

Irukandji Syndrome: Dec 26, 2008

I love how this is basically a repeat of the arc from before where every single qualm you could have with their marriage, he has a perfect, reasonable response to.

You can't marry her without a priest? Here's a priest, I thought of that already. You can't marry her underground? Let's get married above ground. How will you support this little old lady? Yeah I have like a fuckton of diamonds.

Mole Man is truly the best character in this comic.

# ? Jul 14, 2017 06:41

Ponsonby Britt: Mar 13, 2006; I think you mean, why is there silverware in the pancake drawer? Wassup?

Choco1980 posted:

The proportional strength of a mole!

He got it from turning the crank for years. Them molemen are strong as hell!

# ? Jul 14, 2017 07:12

Otherkinsey Scale: Jul 17, 2012; Just a little bit of sunshine!

Breakable Peter Parker

Jerusalem posted:

You're right, maybe he'll just stand in the window in the rain watching while May and Moley enjoy the luxury of wealth without him, in true proper NSM fashion

This is the most NSM thing that could happen.

# ? Jul 14, 2017 07:19

Saoshyant: Oct 26, 2010

Chinston Wurchill posted:

Mole Man, Mole Man,
Does whatever a mole can
Digs a hole, any size
With his stick, he'll hit your thighs
Look Out!
Here comes the Mole Man.

Is he smart?
Listen dude,
He's got technological aptitude
Where is his kingdom found?
Take a look underground
Hey, there
There goes the Mole Man.

In the depths of a cave
You can't see all that well
But he is handsome and brave
And his radar sense is swell.

Mole Man, Mole Man
Subterranean Mole Man
Gold and diamonds
He does hoard
Aunt May's love is his reward.

To him, life is a game of Dig Dug
Wherever there is a tasty grub
You'll find the Mole Man.

# ? Jul 14, 2017 09:10

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

MJ's butt chin has really started to bug me.

# ? Jul 14, 2017 10:06

abraham linksys: Sep 6, 2010

Chinston Wurchill posted:

Mole Man, Mole Man,
Does whatever a mole can
Digs a hole, any size
With his stick, he'll hit your thighs
Look Out!
Here comes the Mole Man.

Is he smart?
Listen dude,
He's got technological aptitude
Where is his kingdom found?
Take a look underground
Hey, there
There goes the Mole Man.

In the depths of a cave
You can't see all that well
But he is handsome and brave
And his radar sense is swell.

Mole Man, Mole Man
Subterranean Mole Man
Gold and diamonds
He does hoard
Aunt May's love is his reward.

To him, life is a game of Dig Dug
Wherever there is a tasty grub
You'll find the Mole Man.

i didn't know ryan north posted on this forum!

_{seriously the mole man arc of squirrel girl is, like, required reading for this thread}

# ? Jul 14, 2017 10:15

Cat Mattress: Jul 14, 2012; by Cyrano4747

Mycroft Holmes posted:

the earth has mass, which creates gravity
mole man lives underground
closer to the earths core
closer to the source of earths gravity
more gravity=heavier=makes you stronger

I don't actually believe this

Reminds me of how Batman Odyssey (a wonderful, wonderful trainwreck of a story) has the hollow earth be low gravity because you've got the gravity of the surface above you counteracting the gravity of the planet's core below you.

As a reminder, the author of Batman Odyssey, Neal Adams, is a proponent of the "inflating Earth" "theory", rather than plate tectonics.

Tiggum posted:

Having a rich uncle doesn't actually make you rich though.

Uncle Moley: Unca Scrooge
Peter Parker/Spider-Man: Donald
Rocket: Huey, Dewey and Louie

Cat Mattress fucked around with this message at 12:06 on Jul 14, 2017

# ? Jul 14, 2017 12:01

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Cat Mattress posted:

Reminds me of how Batman Odyssey (a wonderful, wonderful trainwreck of a story) has the hollow earth be low gravity because you've got the gravity of the surface above you counteracting the gravity of the planet's core below you.

As a reminder, the author of Batman Odyssey, Neal Adams, is a proponent of the "inflating Earth" "theory", rather than plate tectonics.

That is some "Edward Rice Burroughs after a concussion" goodness

# ? Jul 14, 2017 12:08

joehonkie: Jan 12, 2006; I'm a member of STARS.

mind the walrus posted:

That is some "Edward Rice Burroughs after a concussion" goodness

Part of the result is Batman and Robin have super strength underground as does one badguy from the surface. Except that none of the guys from underground show any signs of physical weakness when in the surface. And also low gravity just totally doesn't work that way.

joehonkie fucked around with this message at 17:19 on Jul 14, 2017

# ? Jul 14, 2017 12:39

Bruceski: Aug 21, 2007; The tools of a hero mean nothing without a solid core.

Cat Mattress posted:

Reminds me of how Batman Odyssey (a wonderful, wonderful trainwreck of a story) has the hollow earth be low gravity because you've got the gravity of the surface above you counteracting the gravity of the planet's core below you.

As a reminder, the author of Batman Odyssey, Neal Adams, is a proponent of the "inflating Earth" "theory", rather than plate tectonics.

That's actually true. When calculating the gravitational pull of a spherical object on something inside it, the pull from the material above cancels out of the equation. Hmm, how to explain it better without being arsed to do an MSPaint diagram...

Say you have a sphere of radius 1, and an object 0.5 units away from the center. You can divide the sphere into two figures, a sphere of radius 0.5 and a spherical shell going from 0.5 to 1. That shell will pull on the object from all sorts of directions with varying intensities for different parts of it, but if you do the calculus it all cancels out to zero. It's the same sort of calculus trick that lets you count a spherical object as having all its mass at the center for calculating gravitational pull.

# ? Jul 14, 2017 14:19

Samovar: Jun 4, 2011; I'm 😤 not a 🦸🏻‍♂️hero...🧜🏻

Cat Mattress posted:

Reminds me of how Batman Odyssey (a wonderful, wonderful trainwreck of a story) has the hollow earth be low gravity because you've got the gravity of the surface above you counteracting the gravity of the planet's core below you.

All I remember from that (besides the god-awful art) was the opening scene of Batman evacuating a train carriage by pulling a couple of handguns on the occupants.

# ? Jul 14, 2017 15:00

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

Bruceski posted:

That's actually true. When calculating the gravitational pull of a spherical object on something inside it, the pull from the material above cancels out of the equation. Hmm, how to explain it better without being arsed to do an MSPaint diagram...

Say you have a sphere of radius 1, and an object 0.5 units away from the center. You can divide the sphere into two figures, a sphere of radius 0.5 and a spherical shell going from 0.5 to 1. That shell will pull on the object from all sorts of directions with varying intensities for different parts of it, but if you do the calculus it all cancels out to zero. It's the same sort of calculus trick that lets you count a spherical object as having all its mass at the center for calculating gravitational pull.

Yeah, it works out to be nicely linear too, IIRC

# ? Jul 14, 2017 17:43

CapnAndy: Feb 27, 2004; Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

Chinston Wurchill posted:

Mole Man, Mole Man,
Does whatever a mole can

Bravo!

# ? Jul 14, 2017 18:14

Bruceski: Aug 21, 2007; The tools of a hero mean nothing without a solid core.

Tunicate posted:

Yeah, it works out to be nicely linear too, IIRC

Maths: it's creepy how well it works out sometimes.

# ? Jul 14, 2017 19:39

bobkatt013: Oct 8, 2006; Youâre telling me Peter Parker is ...... Spider-man!?

Samovar posted:

All I remember from that (besides the god-awful art) was the opening scene of Batman evacuating a train carriage by pulling a couple of handguns on the occupants.

Shirtless Batman yelling at you?

# ? Jul 15, 2017 00:15

Endless Mike: Aug 13, 2003

Did someone call Neal Adams art "godawful"??

# ? Jul 15, 2017 01:19

Lurdiak: Feb 26, 2006; I believe in a universe that doesn't care, and people that do.

Endless Mike posted:

Did someone call Neal Adams art "godawful"??

I would call several of the panels in Odyssey godawful.

# ? Jul 15, 2017 01:25

Push El Burrito: May 9, 2006; Soiled Meat

Endless Mike posted:

Did someone call Neal Adams art "godawful"??

I haven't read Odyssey but now I really want to. But holy poo poo.

Every picture I can find is someone screaming. I like Neal Adams but I'm pretty sure he was also screaming the whole time he wrote it.

# ? Jul 15, 2017 01:25

Doc Hawkins: Jun 15, 2010; Dashing? But I'm not even moving!

What? You can't argue that isn't a look of pure horror.

# ? Jul 15, 2017 01:35

Push El Burrito: May 9, 2006; Soiled Meat

Doc Hawkins posted:

What? You can't argue that isn't a look of pure horror.

Neal Adams draws good Batman and bad Batman and I don't know how to feel about that.

Edit: Also Batman's one weakness is he has to answer a ringing phone.

Push El Burrito fucked around with this message at 02:11 on Jul 15, 2017

# ? Jul 15, 2017 02:08

Synthbuttrange: May 6, 2007

"Maybe I should marry Mole Man?!"

# ? Jul 15, 2017 02:30

Knormal: Nov 11, 2001

Bruceski posted:

That's actually true. When calculating the gravitational pull of a spherical object on something inside it, the pull from the material above cancels out of the equation. Hmm, how to explain it better without being arsed to do an MSPaint diagram...

Say you have a sphere of radius 1, and an object 0.5 units away from the center. You can divide the sphere into two figures, a sphere of radius 0.5 and a spherical shell going from 0.5 to 1. That shell will pull on the object from all sorts of directions with varying intensities for different parts of it, but if you do the calculus it all cancels out to zero. It's the same sort of calculus trick that lets you count a spherical object as having all its mass at the center for calculating gravitational pull.

Except in the case of the Earth the core is a lot denser than the crust, so I imagine you'd have to get really down far before you got significant effects. Of course that's reality, who knows how a hollow Earth is supposed to work.