/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Good Parmesan: Nov 30, 2007; I TAKE PHOTOS OF OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN IN PLANET FITNESS

One of my friends told us that he only watches amateur porn, but only if the girl makes it clear it's consensual.

# ? Jul 25, 2017 14:23

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# ? May 29, 2024 21:27

Streak: May 16, 2004; by Nyc_Tattoo

i don't tell any of my friends what kind of porn i watch

# ? Jul 25, 2017 14:24

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

Danaru posted:

My [18M] girlfriend [18F] watches weird porn

Opened this expecting monkey murder or something, just talk to your girlfriend you wiener

Yeah that's actually a little tame and your "in" to say "So uh... do you think that's something you'd like to try?"

Come up with a fun safe word and have a good time, OP!

Good Parmesan posted:

One of my friends told us that he only watches amateur porn, but only if the girl makes it clear it's consensual.

A man of good taste and distinction, IMO.

# ? Jul 25, 2017 14:25

goethe.cx: Apr 23, 2014

mods please rename me "rough sex porn"

# ? Jul 25, 2017 14:35

Whorelord: May 1, 2013; Jump into the well...

to commemorate page 1488, keyword search: hitler

My [21F] Boyfriend [20] of 6 months said that he doesn't believe the 'official story' of the holocaust

quote:

The title is kind of self-explanatory I guess�
Well basically as it�s the end of the year I�ve been looking at some top 10 film lists for the year and one of the films that caught my eye is Son of Saul, a Hungarian film about the holocaust. Me and the boyfriend like to watch films together so I asked him if he�d be interested in watching it. He said that he thought it sounded like typical Hollywood bullshit, and when I told him it wasn�t American he still said he didn�t want to see it. Well basically I pressed him for more details about why and he eventually admitted he didn�t want to see it because he �didn�t believe the official story of the holocaust.� I was honestly kind of shocked and just dropped it, but later I asked him about what he actually believed happened.

He said that while Hitler did order the Jews into camps and ghettos this was only meant to be done during the war and that afterwards he wanted to deport them. He said that the deaths were mostly from disease or lack of food due to the war and that the showers weren�t for gassing but for delousing or something like that. I asked him where he read this stuff and he said that there are some books on the subject that go into detail. He also claimed that the Nazis didn�t have the technology to burn millions of bodies and that there weren�t as many Jews in Europe as is reported anyway. He said that while he believes the Nazis were bad and that hundreds of thousands of Jews died, the allies greatly inflated the numbers to discredit the Nazis further.

I mean obviously this stuff just set off my bullshit detector but I�m not really knowledgeable enough about history to dispute this. My boyfriend leans right but he�s never made racist or anti-Semitic comments before, although he is sometimes heavily critical of Israel when they're in the news. Is he just misguided or is this the kind of thing only a neo nazi would say?

TL;DR Boyfriend is kind of a holocaust denier

My(31M) GF's(28F) family is anti-semitic and hits me up for money.

quote:

I posted this before and it was removed for having politics, so I edited and reposted.

So my gf's family are transplanted hicks from kentucky, they moved when she was quite young, but they maintained their bible belt/rednecky beliefs, which I'm generally fine with. I don't mind prayers at dinner, or some of the more idiotic poo poo they say. However, there are a few problems I have that I cannot ignore. I am Jewish, they know this, they are fairly strongly anti semetic. Not the pro-hitler, jews are evil antisemetic. The "you're a good jew, but those evil jewish bankers" or the more casually antisemetic. They casually call famous people who they don't like "stupid jews", whether they are Jewish or not. I find that infuriating, but I have a fairly thick skin, so that by itself is tolerable. But because I'm in the finance industry and have a very high paying job at a hedge fund, they both ask for money and insult me. They think that because I live below my means, and save/invest a lot, that I am "cheap" or am not treating their daughter "right", even though she is fine with how we handle money, and they raised her in a lovely household. They also hit me up for money. Not 20 bucks for the pizza or 50 for something small, large amounts of money. I'm going to note something here

I DON'T KNOW THESE PEOPLE VERY WELL AT ALL!

One of my gf's brothers asked to borrow something like 1,500 to pay off his payday loans. Her father, her goddamn father asked for 500 for some kind of household maintenance. Maybe they think that because I've been with my gf for a long time, I'm a "member of the family", and can be hit up for money.

My gf knows the stuff they are saying isn't cool, but she doesn't want to create tension or conflict and has asked me not to say anything about it, so I haven't
How do I deal with this and should I ask my girlfriend to talk to them or just grin and bear it?

Note: I've never given them money
TLDR: My gf's family is antisemitic, insult me, and hit me up for a significant amount of money. My gf doesn't want to anger them and has asked me to just let it slide, but its beginning to really bother me. What should I do/say?

I [28M] don't know how to deal with my racist father [50sM] anymore

quote:

(Sorry for typos and grammar, English isn't my first language)
My father and I are very different people. He's a racist, homophobic person who actually believes - and I quote - "Hitler did nothig wrong". He and my mother live in a small, predominantly white village. Me and my SO on the hand are very liberal, our circle of friends consists of all kinds of people. His worldview - together with a history of psychological abuse - let me to move out with 19 in a city about 2 hourse drive away. Eversince, I'd say our relationship improved, I see my parents about 3-4 times a year and call them weekly. Everything goes fine until he starts ranting. Over the years I tried arguing with him about this stuff, but this just seemed to get him more into it.

Usually, he'll send me some "musings" on immigrants, refugees, islam, terrorism etc. or news articles about how bad muslims are about once a week, either through messaging app or mail. Since I'm just tired of arguing, I asked him a couple of weeks back to please just stop sending me this stuff. His response was to create a new group chat called "political correct people", invite me and leave immediately so I'd be alone in that group... and of course he kept sending me stuff. Two days ago I woke up to yet another text and just had enough, I texted him that I had asked him to please stop sending such things but he wouldn't respect that, so I'd block him on the app for two weeks. I knew he'd throw a tantrum, but I didn't forsee this magnitude...

He texted me on another app how I can just delete his contact info, since he doesn't need contact to people who patronize him and try to forbid his opinion. That politics is part of live and I'd have to learn to accept other poeples opinions, like it or not. Well, ok... Later I tried to call my mom on the landline (like I do every sunday) and was greeted by a custom answering machine, my dad's voice saying "this is the line for unwanted callers, you can leave a message". Ehm, ok... So I called my mom on her mobile, she said we should please stop fighting, but insisted on that my dad was doing nothing wrong (really, mom?). I told her I don't care about is worldview anymore, I just find it disrespectful that he keeps sending me racist stuff although I politely asked him to stop many times. I asked her to give him the phone so we could talk about it, but he didn't want to talk with me... ok, let him cool off a little bit, right? Wrong. So wrong.

Last night I got an email from him. First, he would delete my old mail adress which is still hosted through his server so I don't have to be associated with nazis anymore. Second, he sent me a copy of a fax he send to the insurance company of my long term care insurance (I didn't even know I had that honestly), telling the companing he'd stop paying immediately and they should contact me to get their money. Yeah...
In my reply I tried to clarify that I didn't care about him being racist anymore, I just don't want to hear about it and I'm tired of fighting. That if he agrees to just ignore this topic between us, I don't have a problem with it.

This morning, I got a lenghty reply, I'll try to summarize:

many people tried to "break him" over the years, but nobody will succeed

he is proud to have an opinion apart from mainstream media and politics (we're in Germany, for reference)

if rational arguments between father and son about politics aren't possible he doesn't need a relationship with me

he knows I'm convinced I'm being smarter than he is because I went to university and he didn't

some ramblings

there's another insurance he has in my name, I owe him 70 �

I'm just so angry and sad about his reaction... Part of me just wants to cut him out for good, but honestly I just want a good relationship with my dad. Plus, I know my mother will suffer under that whole thing as well... What should I do?
tl;dr: Racist father keeps sending me racist stuff, continues after I ask him to please stop. I tell him I'm tired of it and block him for the next two weeks. poo poo hits the fan and he goes full scorched earth.

# ? Jul 25, 2017 14:53

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

Oh I was going to do a keyword "skinhed" for this one, thanks for reminding me. Happy page 1488 everyone!

My [30F] ill best friend [28F] just let her skinhead, druggie ex [34M] move in. Should I tell?Relationships

quote:

Lisa and I have been friends since childhood and our families have been friends for generations. Lisa is an only child, is very sweet and has a heart of gold. She also has a rare disease (an enzymatic deficiency) where if she eats certain things, her congnitive process seriously messes up, and if she's really not careful can led to mental retardation. She was never good in school but has carved out a nice life for herself as an amazing stylist. She owns her own business and has her own condo. Her mom is overbering but has good intentions.
10 years ago, Lisa met Jake. Jake turned out to be an abusive alcoholic who ended up in and out of prison. He also began hanging out with skinheads. Lisa dumped Jake and later became engaged to another man (who was a very nice, decent man) but things did not work out and they broke up a few months ago.
I visited Lisa this weekend and came to find out Jake has been living in her condo for about a week. Apparently Jake had been arrested for using drugs (snorting prescription medication) and has possibly turned an informant for the DEA. He has burned all his bridges and was staying at the Salvation Army (the kicked him out) until Lisa took him in. Lisa says that if she didn't step up, he would wind up dead on the streets because people know he's a snitch and she would feel guilty and un-Christian for not helping him while he works and saves up enough money to afford his own place.
I had never met Jake before but now that I've had that displeasure, I can say that I thought he was a piece of poo poo before and now I wish him dead. He verbally abuses Lisa, drinks, eats all her food, uses up all her gas in her car, harasses her cat and has taken back to hanging out with his skinhead buddies.
Normally, I would nope the gently caress out of that situation and wish Lisa well and hope that my poor friend comes to her senses before she ends up dead from associating with that sack of poo poo. However... Lisa has been having some health issues due to being involved in her experimental treatment for her rare disease. I am wondering if her horrific judgement is related to the treatment, and if I should tell her mother what's been going on.
Lisa's begged me to say nothing to her mom because Jake will be out of her place by October and if her mom found out, her mom would have a heart attack (which is possible, her mom's been having her own health issues). What the gently caress should I do?

My bf (19M)'s dad (40sM) was a skinhead. I (19F) don't think I can deal with that.Relationships

quote:

I've known my bf since primary school, and we've always been quite good friends, but last year we were just spending alot of time together and enjoying each others company alot and he asked me out. And it's been great. He's a very hot guy, but a very sweet person, not like most guys our age who are only intrested in sex and drinking and football (or, soccer, whatever you call it).
So, here's basically the issue - My bf is white, northern-English working class. I'm Pakistani-descended (my father was born in Pakistan and came to England at barely a year old and my mum was born in England to Pakistani immigrants). Us being an interracial couple isn't the issue. Both our families (or, mine at least. I'll be honest, I'm struggling to believe what I thought I knew surrounding his family anymore) were cool with it. So long as we were happy with each other, they were happy.
Last week, I was over at his house, and was talking to his mum. She had some old photo albums, and I was actually having a good time laughing at my bf's baby pics and having the people of his family pointed out to me. It was nice. A really sweet moment. Then we began to come across pictures of his dad as a young man, maybe about the age my bf is now.
In every picture, he had a completely shaven head, heavy boots, combat trousers, a bomber jacket. All the other people in the pics were the same, except the girls. The Union Flag (it's not called the Union Jack unless it's on a ship - fun fact for you) was present in alot of pictures. Alot of giving a camera the finger, drinking beer, posing tough with mates. In one, I could even see a guy giving a Nazi salute. His mum tried to brush over this as "when he shaved his head, the idiot" but there's no two ways about this - he was a skinhead.
This hurt. Alot of my family members have horrible stories of being bullied and targetted by skinheads. They were horrid, nasty people. And my bf's dad, whom I've met and like (seriously, he just seemed like a nice, normal guy), being one of them stings in a way I wouldn't think it would've.
I've spoken to my bf about this. He says he hasn't looked at those photos, some he'd never seen, in ages, and only now realises what they mean. He says his dad was young and stupid, and got suckered in by all his mates doing it. He says he'd never been raised to be a racist. He's close to his dad, I know, so I think he's in a bit of denial here.
I'm stung. I don't even know why I'm so stung. I really think this might be a dealbreaker for me, and I'm struggling to be the same around my bf because of this. I'm strongly considering breaking up what was, until now, an amazing relationship because of this.
Should this be a dealbreaker? Am I overreacting to something that I know is complete outwith my bf's control? Has anyone had any similar experiences? Honestly, I'd love someone to try and explain how I'm feeling right now. Any advice is appreciated.
Tldr - Bf's dad was a skinhead, I (Pakistani-descended) am considering breaking up because of this. Confused and looking for advice.

quote:

I [32F] am totally in love with my boyfriend [28] but found out recently that he used to be in a "White Power" gang and has a racist tattooRelationships

quote:

Been with my boyfriend for nearly two years. I'm totally in love with him. He works in IT and has for two years. I am the manager of a small book and gift shop.
I know my boyfriend spent two years in prison in his late teens, for drug possession and sales. He has since gotten out, went to college, moved to a completely new state (where we both live) and cleaned up his act. I've actually seen his prison record.
He has a huge tattoo on his shoulderblades that I didn't see for the first three months that we dated, first because we didn't sleep with each other until we'd been dating four weeks, and second because I only saw him naked in total darkness when we had sex for a long time.
At first I thought he was just shy about his body, which I thought was odd because he has an amazing physique and obviously spent a lot of time working out.
Eventually I did see it. It's a gigantic number "88" that spans his entire back. I don't think it's a particularly nice tattoo, but neither is it poorly done. I have a single tattoo on my shoulderblade (Puck, from A Midsummer Night's Dream).
I told him right away that it was cool he got his birth year tattooed on his back (coincidentally he was born in 1988; I myself was born at the end of 1983). He didn't correct me about it.
My boyfriend rarely has his shirt off around me and he never has his shirt off around other people. Even at the beach, he'll leave his shirt on. Sometimes I'm disappointed because he's so hot and I kind of want to show him off, but I respected his shyness.
Eventually I was talking to a girlfriend about tattoos, and I mentioned my boyfriend's tattoo to her, and she said, "oh, that's a skinhead tattoo."
I thought she must have been joking, but she explained the "88" corresponded to the eighth letters of the alphabet: "H," and that two of them together meant "Heil _____."
I was shocked. I'm not a streetsmart person at all, and it never occurred to me that my boyfriend's tattoo had any racist implications. We live in a pretty small, midwestern town and I just never really got exposed to knowing things like that.
I confronted my boyfriend about it, hoping he'd deny it and that there'd be a perfectly innocent explanation. But he admitted that it is a racist tattoo.
He explained that he used to be a member of a skinhead gang as a teenager, and that gang distributed drugs, and that's how he ended up in prison. He says that in prison he stayed with other skinheads for protection.
After getting out of prison, he says he totally changed his ways and decided he wasn't about that life anymore. He moved to our state (he used to live in Chicago) and attended a local state school. He got great grades in school and just became a normal, respectable person.
Just an FYI: my boyfriend keeps his hair long, and it's prettier than mine, even.
I've seen him interact with other people: his own friends and mine, too, and several in both our groups are NOT White. He is popular and well-liked. He seems to like everyone else, too. He's funny, smart, and charming. His coworkers in particular are mostly White, but a good number are Asian or Indian, and he's friends with them, too.
I asked him why he never got his tattoo removed, and he tells me it would cost thousands and thousands of dollars, and he's still paying back his student loans.
I told him I'd help him pay for it, and that we'd make it a project of ours. He told me he'd like to marry me and he considered this his wedding present from me, and he would have to do something nice for me, too.
I started crying and told him yes, I'd marry him.
I haven't said one word to my other friends about our engagement yet, but when I approached the one girlfriend about it, the one who explained the "88" tattoo, she said out getting married is a bad idea.
She says "once a racist, always a racist."
She also says that his former gang compatriots might track us down one day and kill us all.
I don't want to believe her but I'm scared of her telling all of our friends that my boyfriend is a racist, and if I accept him, that I too must be racist.
I don't want that at all, and I don't think my boyfriend is racist anymore. He just seems to be so real, and I love him. I just can't believe he's the same person he used to be.
He never even tried to deny it once I confronted him, other than letting it go when I told him I assumed "88" meant his birthyear.
What should I do?
Is my friend right?
tl;dr: Boyfriend used to be a skinhead. Has a racist tattoo. He's no longer that way, and he agreed to have it removed. He asked me to marry him and I said yes. A friend of mine says it's a bad idea and that he's probably still a racist.

# ? Jul 25, 2017 15:01

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

The Nazis didn't have the technology to burn so many bodies. It would be decades before they discovered fire

# ? Jul 25, 2017 15:10

Barudak: May 7, 2007

If his coworkers are minorities he cant be racist; if his coworkers are alive he cant be a murderer.

# ? Jul 25, 2017 15:41

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

Whorelord posted:

I [28M] don't know how to deal with my racist father [50sM] anymore

the dad is too much of a pussy to ~stand up for his beliefs~ to anyone else, so he fucks up his relationship with his own son

# ? Jul 25, 2017 15:44

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

My [28/F] boyfriend [37/M] of 5 years are constantly fighting over my use of words/his need for pure logic

quote:

Here's a quick recap of a conversation we had yesterday...

Him: You're not going to take your phone?

Me: We're going to be quick.

Him: It only takes a second to break into a car and steal your phone

Me: Okay (I take the phone) but it would have been fine (I guess I said this in a huffy tone).

This turned into a huge fight yesterday where he revealed he's been carefully listening to my use of words over the last 3-4 weeks and he's upset that I use the same word for multiple meanings. For example, "That's creepy" could mean eww that gross (like a spider), or it could mean that's fascinating while being mysterious (like an optical illusion). As the listener, you can probably infer the meaning contextual. If you aren't sure, just ask.
In regards to the phone, he needed to know the logic behind the statement that I thought taking my phone in would be fine. I said well we live in a safe area there's minimal crime, we were going into the store for just a few minutes, my car is pretty new and thus harder to break into, and it's the middle of the day and we're in a shopping center. After listening to my logic he states "if you had just taken the phone you wouldn't have had to waste all that time thinking of reasons to leave the phone behind". But, I think this is bullshit because I didn't have to think of any of those reasons on the spot, subconsciously I knew all these facts and didn't have to "waste time" coming up with them until he asked me. After pointing this out, his final frustration appears to be with the fact that I should just agree with him because he's right, someone could steal my phone and then we'd have to waste a whole day dealing with that mess.

Which, I mean I do get that! Obviously I normally take my phone in with me, but this one time we really were going to be quick and I just thought it shouldn't be a big deal.

In the same conversation, he got upset I referred to my subconscious and my conscious as a "we" and requested I only use "I" going forward. And said I act annoyed to his follow up questions.

Reddit, am I really in the wrong here? Would having to talk and be around someone who doesn't use their words with 100% accuracy as often as possible frustrate you?

tl;dr: Boyfriend thinks I'm confusing and illogical, that I use words incorrectly too often or they aren't as applicable to a situation as I make them, and thinks I get too defensive/annoyed with his questions. I think he should
just...relax. I mean, so what if my phone gets stolen? It's my responsibility...I'll deal with it...if I commit the crime I pay the time right? I mean, I don't need him to act like a Dad and point out the "better" way of doing things! But he inferred this means I don't need him to care about me anymore. Reddit, can't people care about each other and not fight over poo poo like this?!

Age gap: Check
Logic: Check
Slowly dawning realization that you're with a complete jackwagon: Check

# ? Jul 25, 2017 16:12

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

dont date lieutenant spock people

# ? Jul 25, 2017 16:13

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

"HUMAN GIRLFRIEND PLEASE REFRAIN FROM USING IDIOMS AND DOUBLE MEANINGS COMPLY WITH PRIMARY DEFINITIONS ONLY"
"honey you're acting funny"
"THIS CANNOT CONTINUE THIS CANNOT CONTINUE THIS CANNO

# ? Jul 25, 2017 16:17

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

La Brea Carpet posted:

My [28/F] boyfriend [37/M] of 5 years are constantly fighting over my use of words/his need for pure logic

This reminds me of the "preciseness of language" concept from The Giver. Where the society punishes people for speaking something that could be misconstrued.

It's a dystopian novel, mind you.

# ? Jul 25, 2017 16:19

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

ask him about Winston Churchill

I just broke up with my (29m) short term girlfriend (26f) and I'm the third guy to dump her in a year. Should I try to offer constructive criticism to her about dating? I feel like she's really frustrated and down because she doesn't know why she keeps getting dumped

quote:

On paper, this girl sounds like most guy's dream girl. She's extremely beautiful, has a killer job, is very sharp, and she's the most positive person i know. She's an athlete and is of exotic background and has a really unique look.

I was extremely attracted to her, but some strange character trait about her really turned me off after a short amount of time. I can tell she's very down on her confidence because she's this gorgeous girl with a great career, but she can't keep a boyfriend to save her life. I want to help her out, but i don't want to say something that could come off as hurtful or harsh.

In my experience and in a few other people's experience as I'd come to find out, she is a complete "try-hard". She seemed to always be trying her hardest to prove herself me and be the person she thinks i want her to be. She goes completely over the top in trying to mold herself into some person she thinks i'd be really impressed by. I know it could be interpreted as her being enamored, but she seems to do it with everybody- platonically or romantically.

She very artificially aligned all of her interests with my interests the second we started dating. I'd mention a band I liked or a city I wanted to visit, and BAM, the next day she'd show up with tickets for two. I casually mentioned I was trying to hire somebody new for my business, and BAM, the next day she shows up with a 2 page long craigslist job application she created for me to post. I'd say it'd be fun to BBQ with my friends sometime soon, BAM, next day she has created a facebook event and invited all of my friends without even consulting with me.

I know these actions are only meant to be positive and make me happy, but they seemed really pushy and they put me off. I was completely smothered and suffocated by her and she seemed to "pressure" me with affection.

As a side note, this over all "try hard" behavior manifested itself in different and smaller ways. For instance, she would fake orgasms all the time. I never brought it up to her, but I want to. I know what a real orgasm looks/feels/sounds like, and I am more than willing to put in the effort it takes to get a girl off, but for some reason she would just fake it. She had plenty of real orgasms, but there were many obviously fake, embarrassingly over-acted orgasms. I openly told her when something didn't feel good for me, or I wasn't going to be able to finish, but for some reason she felt it better to lie and tell me what she thinks i want to hear than to be open and honest in bed like I was with her.

Second, she would fake smoke weed with me. I smoke weed pretty regularly, and she doesn't, although she's open to it. A few random times she seemed really overly-eager to smoke weed with me, but when she did, it was obvious that she was just puffing the joint and not inhaling anything with the intent to get stoned. I have no problem if she didn't want to smoke, and I'd made that clear to her. Her "smoking" was so obviously fake that I called her out on it every time, yet she would sheepishly deny it.

Overall, she just seemed way too eager to impress and tries her hardest to conform to the people around her and prove herself. I think that a lot of people pick up on this aspect of her and she comes off as overall very cheesy and fake. I want to politely tell her this stuff, and I want to tell her to just be herself and be proud of what she wants and who she is. I want to tell her that she doesn't need to prove anything to anybody and that she doesn't need to try to impress people, but I'm not sure if that's appropriate or not.

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 16:26 on Jul 25, 2017

# ? Jul 25, 2017 16:24

Dienes: Nov 4, 2009; dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot; College Slice

La Brea Carpet posted:

My [28/F] boyfriend [37/M] of 5 years are constantly fighting over my use of words/his need for pure logic

Age gap: Check
Logic: Check
Slowly dawning realization that you're with a complete jackwagon: Check

Every time he gets huffy about using a word with multple meanings, she should pull out a dictionary and read all the definitions aloud to him. gently caress that pedantic rear end in a top hat.

# ? Jul 25, 2017 16:30

Streak: May 16, 2004; by Nyc_Tattoo

who calls optical illusions creepy lol. if she dumps him it will be a bullet dodged by him imo

# ? Jul 25, 2017 16:31

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

ask him about Winston Churchill

I just broke up with my (29m) short term girlfriend (26f) and I'm the third guy to dump her in a year. Should I try to offer constructive criticism to her about dating? I feel like she's really frustrated and down because she doesn't know why she keeps getting dumped

"She seemed to always be trying her hardest to prove herself me and be the person she thinks i want her to be."

"Ok, I'll try harder not to try so hard!

# ? Jul 25, 2017 16:43

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

the guy confirms in his comments that he literally never brought this up with her while they were together because it would be 'awkward'

# ? Jul 25, 2017 16:44

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

ask him about Winston Churchill

I just broke up with my (29m) short term girlfriend (26f) and I'm the third guy to dump her in a year. Should I try to offer constructive criticism to her about dating? I feel like she's really frustrated and down because she doesn't know why she keeps getting dumped

Gonna say no to this one, there's really no great way to do a break up "exit interview" with constructive feedback, and you're close enough to the "problem" that you can only offer advice on how to date you better which is categorically useless.

Also, the time to have the talk about "hey are you really satisfied or did you need some more attention, you don't gotta fake nothin', I'll get a frickin' snorkel and go deep diving if that's what you need babe" is in the moment, you doof, not in a post-dumping debrief.

# ? Jul 25, 2017 16:47

Good Parmesan: Nov 30, 2007; I TAKE PHOTOS OF OTHER PEOPLE'S CHILDREN IN PLANET FITNESS

Please no unsolicited criticisms. Don't try-shame me.

# ? Jul 25, 2017 16:50

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

La Brea Carpet posted:

My [28/F] boyfriend [37/M] of 5 years are constantly fighting over my use of words/his need for pure logic

Age gap: Check
Logic: Check
Slowly dawning realization that you're with a complete jackwagon: Check

On the other hand she uses "we" to refer to herself so gently caress her

# ? Jul 25, 2017 16:53

Yawgmoth: Sep 10, 2003; This post is cursed!

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

ask him about Winston Churchill

I just broke up with my (29m) short term girlfriend (26f) and I'm the third guy to dump her in a year. Should I try to offer constructive criticism to her about dating? I feel like she's really frustrated and down because she doesn't know why she keeps getting dumped

Send her to me, I'd love to have a girl who actually tries anything I like ever for once

# ? Jul 25, 2017 17:02

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

Yawgmoth posted:

Send her to me, I'd love to have a girl who actually tries anything I like ever for once

Eh, I get where that OP is coming from with "too much of a good thing." If you're not a sociopath you'll want to know you're meeting their needs in the relationship, too, and even on a self-interested level you have to be thinking "when is the other shoe going to drop/what's the catch" if you know they're compromising more than is fair and putting on an act.

# ? Jul 25, 2017 17:08

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Yawgmoth posted:

Send her to me, I'd love to have a girl who actually tries anything I like ever for once

Having a partner who regularly fakes orgasms and pretends smoking weed sounds insufferable. It would get old very quickly.

# ? Jul 25, 2017 17:17

Yawgmoth: Sep 10, 2003; This post is cursed!

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Having a partner who regularly fakes orgasms and pretends smoking weed sounds insufferable. It would get old very quickly.

possibly but have you considered that I am a lonely sadbrains

# ? Jul 25, 2017 17:20

MLKQUOTEMACHINE: Oct 22, 2012; Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill

Yawgmoth posted:

possibly but have you considered that I am a lonely sadbrains

*in David Attenborough voice*
And thus another r/elationships thread was born.

# ? Jul 25, 2017 17:35

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

[30M] This is a bit strange, but my wife's [25F] hometown's mascot died and she's taking it too hard.

quote:

His name was Snooty, and I know that he was very loved over Reddit and even state-wide and beyond, and that his death was tragic, but he was an old sea cow who's life had more to it than whatever happened in his last few minutes.

My wife moved out of South Florida for college, met me, and we later married and now live in the pacific northwest.

I saw her using her phone for Facebook the night before now, and then she started choking up. I got worried right there and asked her what happened, thinking a friend or family member was in danger.

Honestly, and it may sound harsh, but I don't understand. It was a manatee, almost 70 years old. I'm not sure why my wife is still crying here and there, Googling for updates, and talking about it.

I felt really bad at first so I decided to pick her up and take her to Wonder Woman today, which helped a lot, and took her out for a fancy steak dinner. But I noticed she kept staring out in space, going quiet, and sighing.

Nevertheless, all was well before bedtime. I'm typing this right after the argument. I told her I was sad too, but that people and things of all kinds die every day and that she was genuinely overreacting.

She told me that she used to visit the aquarium as a kid and even right before college for his "birthday bashes", but I said that's something you need to move on from. Memories are memories and to be treasured, but you can't act as if they're as dead as the subject now is, in said memories.

Now she's angry at me and I realize I could have worded some things better, but, again, why would any one get this upset over one manatee? Even internet strangers and most of her hometown buddies on her Facebook aren't behaving like this.

tl;dr: Manatee drowned in a tight space, my wife grew up with him, but is taking it too hard and it's making me concerned. It isn't like he was the family dog or even a family relative.

As a Floridian, gently caress this guy!

# ? Jul 25, 2017 17:45

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

WampaLord posted:

[30M] This is a bit strange, but my wife's [25F] hometown's mascot died and she's taking it too hard.

As a Floridian, gently caress this guy!

bye bye li'l sebastiaaaan

# ? Jul 25, 2017 17:48

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

WampaLord posted:

[30M] This is a bit strange, but my wife's [25F] hometown's mascot died and she's taking it too hard.

As a Floridian, gently caress this guy!

She was loving the manatee.

# ? Jul 25, 2017 17:48

Sarcophallus: Jun 12, 2011; by Lowtax

Searched for "hail":

We (Husband 32M & Me 26F) have been told by his brother (37M) and SIL (30s) that we should supply all xmas gifts for the kids due to our lack of kids??Non-Romantic

quote:

TLDR: Husbands family wants us to buy xmas gifts for all the cousins kids. Said no. Uninvited to xmas. Family agreeing/backing them up. Confused.
My husband has a very large family, in total I think his Father has 8 brothers/sisters. They all got married and had 2-6 children each. Now all their children are grown up and starting families as well. We are looking at easily I believe 15 children in the family as of right now. We all get together for Christmas every year at his Grandparents house... sounds great right? Right.

Normally after Thanksgiving or on Thanksgiving which they also all get together for we pick names for the children's gift swap. There is also a men and women gift swap which my husband and I who do not have children join in on.
Now... to give you and idea of how the gifting has been the last 10 years. Husband and I would buy gifts for his parents, his brother and wife and their 4 kids. Great, awesome. Works fine. Last year they said they would rather we just bought gifts for the kids, so we did. Same thing we'd always gotten them books at their reading level, PJs, and puzzles of some kind. They were upset but we couldn't place why, we also didn't get any gifts at all which we didn't comment on but my Husband admitted he was a bit hurt to get nothing from his parents vs his brother and sister in law getting gifts.

I am not a super social person so I spent most of thanksgiving reading a book and watching one of the youngest cousins sleep. Eventually we all gathered up so the kids could draw names of their cousins for the gift swap. They finished that up and then husband's brother who we'll just call Timmy says "And uncle Husband will buy all the kids a gift too!". Que my husband and I giving him looks of 'da gently caress and gently caress you'. We laughed and said "oh no haha we'll just be bringing the candy again this year.".

His brother then started in that we should buy all of the children gifts since we have none. And that it wasn't very christian of us to not bless the children with our good fortune. My husband at this point pulled him aside into the kitchen and told him he wasn't buy all of the cousins gifts, and if he wanted to he was welcome to. They started to argue and Timmy yelled that we shouldn't come to xmas anymore.

I handed over the baby, we left said we'd email them about it later when they calmed down enough to talk like adults.

I'd just like someone else's view point. My husband is really upset and his parents are agreeing with Timmy that we should be giving more gifts since we have no one to buy them for but kids now, he threw the fact that we get no gifts from anyone at them and they said we were adults now and 'xmas if for kids'. He pointed out they gifted Timmy and his wife things still but they said that 'we'd already bought it, might as well'. But I have been shopping with his Mother and she bought gifts for Timmy's wife Candy again this year already.
I'm frustrated and feel like no one is handling any of this well and i want to step in and help my husband but I want someone else to look at this mess before I do anything other than listen and offer suggestions of using "I feel ____ when you ____" to his parents.

Edit: I have read all the comments and replies to some, I'm out but when I get home I will edit this or reply to comments more, thanks for all the insight.
Edit 2: Replyed to some comments, showed husband thread, send email. Haven't been answering phone calls from them asked them to please just read and reply via email so that we have time to think and respond calmly. Got a lot of nasty voicemails for it. Going to let them simmer some more and keep ignoring their calls since they keep yelling.

This has an update:

[Update] We (Husband 32M & Me 26F) have been told by his brother (37M) and SIL (30s) that we should supply all xmas gifts for the kids due to our lack of kids??

quote:

Thanks for everyone who came and tossed in their 2 cents. It was wonderful to hear from other people without having to worry if they would repeat my chatter to the other party involved.
First post link in case you dropped your phone in a toilet.

So... I'm not 100% sure where I should start I am about 3 drinks in just to calm myself. For one I did show my husband the post after we talked. I brought up T-Day2015 and asked him if he wanted some more input than I normally give on his family drama. He said yes, I pointed out the favoritism of his brother over him in almost anything. I made a list showing times when it had happened were they and he were fully in the wrong just to prove the point.
We went over the texts from his brother, SIL, Mother, Father, Aunt and Cousin. Just to recap names...

Brother - Timmy
SIL- Candy
Mother - Rhonda
Father - Keith
Aunt - Kira
Cousin - Ben
Husband - Tod ( this is shorter than husband, I'm lazy.)

So, the day I posted after we went over the texts which started after we missed their call and went up until we sent the email... all just... spiteful poo poo about how we waste our money, time, and life volunteering and don't spend enough time with their children/cousins/cousins children/family anymore. It started out telling Tod he was being a 'candy rear end bitch who is whipped' by his 'cold harpy child hatin wife'. And just degraded from there. Tod only sent back a few saying he'd email him about it and asking him to not talk about me.
So we sent the email here is basically what we sent I semi edited it. Tod send it as if it was just from him, we almost added in his parents but decided we'd just forward it to them if it really got out of hand, NP Timmy did it for him!

"Tim, I'm sending you an email so we can talk about what happened on Thanksgiving. I think this would be better for us both since when we are heated we say things rashly. You didn't give me much time to really think about it so here it goes.
I don't understand why you volunteered us to buy gifts. We are happy to buy gifts for your children as we have every year. Is there something going on? Is someone having financial problems? While we would gladly help anyone who asked (As we have before, you should recall Cathy and Kiki 2 years ago. you helped too!) being set up in front of young children was rude. Not to mention you telling us we aren't allowed at Christmas now.
The texts and angry voicemails were also uncalled for.
Please take some time and get back to me. I hope we can work this out as our family is very important to us.
Tod"

Yes well that went over about as well as water on a grease fire.
For one Timmy forwarded the email to Rhonda and Keith, Kira, and Ben. That was rude but we were going to do the same thing either way. Ben sent us a email letting us know what Timmy did and said he was sorry he wasn't there to jump in but would try and talk to Timmy. Timmy and Ben are actually really close so it was nice to see he thought Timmy was being unreasonable as well since they are normally very close/like minded.
I'm not going to put his email here I'm just going to highlight what he said and then tell you what Keith and Rhonda said in their email/visit.
* I am a cold, child hating, harpy, and I sleep around.
* I'm an atheist, or a muslim... or something, he never really picked.
* I am dragging Tod from the church and his family.
* We don't spend any time at all with the family anymore.
* We never spend any time with our niblings.
* We are wasting our life/time/money volunteering with animals.
* Helping/wanting to help refugees was un american and this is my fault since I am a first generation american and don't understand what it means to be one/deserve to live here.
* I'm rude and never talk to them unless it's about animal rescue/animal rights

Yeah so... um. At this point we're kinda laughing and kinda crying and kinda shocked. We spent the rest of the day cleaning up our house and talking about what we wanted to do/reply back. We hadn't checked our email and we'd stuck our phones on vibrate and were just trying to enjoy our day off together, they're pretty rare sadly. So suprise! His parents drove all the way out to talk to us.
I say talk, but it was more like being talked at. They asked me to leave so they could talk to Tod about 'his actions/rude email'. Tod said no, said I was his family and his wife and we were handling this together. They then tried to convince us we had said gently caress in front of the family. We didn't. That we had mentioned buying gifts for everyone before. That we didn't love Jesus anymore since we hadn't been going to church. And some of what Timmy has sent in the email too. When his Father started to insult me and then in turn my Father, Tod was done. He stood up and said "Thank you for coming to visit us in our home for the first time but we have errands to run and you need to leave now.". They refused, he told them they had to go, now or he'd have to call the police. They left. He cried, I cried, our cats knocked over their cups.
We ended up calling my Dad and telling him everything as well as showing him both emails. He told us they have before talked poo poo about me/us to him. "You should be able to fix your child still we're still working on ours." was something he told us had been said. We decided we aren't going to their Christmas either way. I told Tod I can't go back there again, nor can I look at any of them the same again. I knew they'd always not liked me as much as some of the other daughter in laws but I didn't know it was to that extent. They have always been nice and polite to my face. Invited and included me in all events. No one had ever said anything to Tod either.

As it stands I'm waiting for my Dad and brother to get into town and then we're going to sit down and decide what we would like to do. Tod said he just wants it to be small and doesn't mind where Christmas happens and said he felt closer to my Dad and brother anyway.
We told Ben what happened and shipped his gift to him. I haven't decided yet what I will do with the niblings gifts but I already donated all of the adult gifts.
TLDR I suck, Tod is pussy whipped bitch, we are blind, gently caress it. All hail the red squiggle for making this spelling look less stupid.

Edit TLDR: Sent email, got email back. Email sent around. Parents showed up, BS , all my fault, we aren't going to xmas or talking to them until after holidays are over.
I'd also like to add I am not of another ethnicity. My father is German and moved to the US when he was 20 to marry my Mother. So I'm a pasty white chick but I guess since my Dad isn't american dats bad.

Added very basic formatting

# ? Jul 25, 2017 17:50

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

blarzgh posted:

"Ok, I'll try harder not to try so hard!

I wonder if her being such a tryhard and fully molding to the other person has anything to do with having been dumped three times in one year.

# ? Jul 25, 2017 17:59

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

Me [26F] with my boyfriend [28M] of 1 year, discovered he has nazi memorabilia

quote:

I recently moved in with my boyfriend of one year and we�ve been having a really fun time gussying up the house. This morning we were going through his pretty extensive costume collection. Amongst his costumes I discovered he has some nazi memorabilia (a helmet and swastika flag).
I told him I didn�t find them funny and they were actually quite offensive. He laughed it off and insisted that it�s totally ok to have nazi memorabilia in a dress up box. He refused to get rid of the stuff even though I tried to explain how unfunny I find the holocaust, as a person of Jewish heritage especially.
Maybe it�s a cultural thing? My bf is aussie and we have moved in together in Australia, whereas I am American. He also said something about how 9/11 was as bad as the holocaust and having nazi memorabilia shouldn�t be bad if dressing up as osama bin laden also isn�t bad. He also believes the 9/11 was an Jesuit attack for the presence of the US in the middle east. This has stirred up further arguments. Should I be concerned? Am I being too sensitive to find nazi memorabilia and/or dressing up as osama bin laden really offensive?
Otherwise our relationship is incredible, we get along amazingly well and get really creative and productive around each other, and have great chemistry.
tl;dr: bf has nazi memorabilia in his costume box and refuses to get rid of it although I find it deeply offensive

Just gonna move in with my jewish girlfriend and my nazi memorabilia

# ? Jul 25, 2017 17:59

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Intruder posted:

Me [26F] with my boyfriend [28M] of 1 year, discovered he has nazi memorabilia

Just gonna move in with my jewish girlfriend and my nazi memorabilia

I'm Jewish, and if a partner had a Nazi memorabilia piece but explained "Hey, but Nazis are loving awful, I only have this for historical value" I could probably be cool with that.

This dude, when questioned, decided to downplay the severity of the holocaust instead.

:sever:

and then

this Nazi gently caress.

# ? Jul 25, 2017 18:03

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

The Jesuits were behind 9/11. That's a new one.

# ? Jul 25, 2017 18:04

Ride The Gravitron: May 2, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

Sarcophallus posted:

Searched for "hail":

We (Husband 32M & Me 26F) have been told by his brother (37M) and SIL (30s) that we should supply all xmas gifts for the kids due to our lack of kids??Non-Romantic

This has an update:

[Update] We (Husband 32M & Me 26F) have been told by his brother (37M) and SIL (30s) that we should supply all xmas gifts for the kids due to our lack of kids??

Added very basic formatting

No wonder child free people feel persecuted

# ? Jul 25, 2017 18:05

Intruder: Mar 5, 2003; I got a taste for blown saves

That girl's boyfriend

# ? Jul 25, 2017 18:05

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

I know its a weird piece of debris to focus on with that train wreck but is dressing up like bin laden that cool tho? Reaaally?

# ? Jul 25, 2017 18:06

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

It's all the rage right now, old man

# ? Jul 25, 2017 18:06

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Pac-Manioc Root posted:

I know its a weird piece of debris to focus on with that train wreck but is dressing up like bin laden that cool tho? Reaaally?

It was a very popular Halloween costume for a while after 9/11.

# ? Jul 25, 2017 18:08

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 29, 2024 21:27

But Rocks Hurt Head: Jun 30, 2003; by Hand Knit; Pillbug

The Jesuits have always been a 'shadowy influence' to people given their history in education, and Pope Francis certainly isn't making any friends in the Nazi-adjacent crowd

# ? Jul 25, 2017 18:08

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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