- Tokyo Sexwale
- Jul 30, 2003
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Yeah, but then she wouldn't begin to say he was having an affair, instead she would feel vindicated and point out to everyone how much of a loser he is. That woman is jealous as hell.
Right, exactly. She wouldn't just let it be either way, really.
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Aug 5, 2017 20:48
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Jun 12, 2024 05:16
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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For the "What did you think would happen?" file:
My[42m] wife[43f] and I divorced a year ago, our relationship was fine until I introduced her to my new girlfriend[25f]
"Ex wife, you're really not being a bro for me right now! I could use a bro here!"
pretty sure saying that kind of thing in front of the kids can negatively impact custody, he should raise it w/ judge
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Aug 5, 2017 21:04
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- WampaLord
- Jan 14, 2010
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pretty sure saying that kind of thing in front of the kids can negatively impact custody, he should raise it w/ judge
quote:I introduced her to my ex-wife and kids two weeks ago. My ex-wife after the children were gone...
C'mon man, it's the loving bolded part.
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Aug 5, 2017 21:06
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- Haifisch
- Nov 13, 2010
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Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!
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Taco Defender
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Today on 'this person you love is going to set their life on fire and there's nothing you can really do about it':
My [24M] brother [22M] is being pressured into marriage for the wrong reasons and I want to find a way to reach him
quote:Background: My family is very religious -- Evangelical Christian. A big part of this is having religion dictate every part of your life and comes into play with everything: music, movies, relationships, work, etc. As such, my siblings and I were heavily guilt-tripped and shamed about sexuality and relationships when we were younger. Although I've had my own personal struggles with that, I'm now unaffiliated with a religion and consider myself rather progressive in terms of how I view sexuality and relationships, yet have been able to rebuild my relationship with my parents regardless of my beliefs. My brother, however, has always been the rule-follower of the family and is still very religious and obedient to my parents/religious family friends.
Issue: For the past 2 years my brother has been dating an even more religious girl from his university who he's told me was "just the best looking option at the school" (its a very small religious school). He told me that they had tested the line of sexuality up to third base up until last Spring, at which point they went totally cold out of fear of falling to temptation.
Since then, he has not done as much as kiss his girlfriend in almost a year, and she has made it very clear that she is expecting him to fulfill the old Christian school adage of "get a ring by Spring" -- meaning most girls at Christian colleges are engaged before they graduate, if not married.
When I've tried to talk to him about his feelings on getting married, they mostly revolve around logistics or what other people expect of him. He's said that it just doesnt make sense to get two separate rents after graduation, and that his gf really really wants to get married and be a stay-at-home mom in a big suburban house as soon as possible, but nothing about her being his best friend or that he loves her or anything like that. This, in conjunction with him having easily 5-10 peers who are married/engaged as well.
Even when asked about what he thinks the purpose of marriage is, he's told me that it's so you're not lonely, and that it's okay to be married without knowing their sexual or domestic preferences, because struggling with that equates to God's struggle to love us.
Lastly, this is encompassed by the parents enabling his repression, by running his self-imposed parental locks on all his electronics, so that he couldnt look at porn/masturbate, even if he wanted too -- not sure if this is entirely causal, but in this past year hes grown a very noticeable amount of grey hair (either way, im sure busting a nut could help)
Basically, I've tried to bring it up a few times in the past several months, and it usually lands on "well, people believe different things I guess." Although I'm mostly fine with religion and being "prudent" if you'd like, I can't shake this feeling that he's almost been taken hostage by social expectation.
His girlfriend is very miopic, rude, immature, demanding, and in eternal crises ("allergic" to everything, self-diagnosed psychological problems, etc.). Her vision of her adult life seems to mostly been taken from a very "traditional" perspective, without understanding what it means to be a full-time parent and afford a comfortable suburban life. Regardless of religion, she is not someone I see has healthy for him, or as someone who is ready to accept the hard realities of married life.
Request: What should I do? Just chalk it up to "different strokes for different folks," or try to find a way to reach him about my concerns? Is it my place as his brother to be honest, or to just let him do whatever he feels he has to do?
tl;dr: Religious brother considering marriage for all the wrong reasons, being pressured by girlfriend and religious friends to make a huge commitment that I dont feel he fully understands. Do I speak up or shut my mouth?
mini-edit: He and I don't live too close to each other, so there is little chance that I would see him in-person before his graduation unless I made a concerted effort to travel out to him. quote:What I would love is to be able to open the conversation by looking at how these "Christian" behaviors create a healthy marriage.
Whenever it's come up, he mostly only goes so far as to believe: "there's are the things I need to do. If I do the things I need to do you're rewarded with a happy healthy marriage."
Not to call him stupid, but critical thinking has never played too much of a factor in his worldview. As it applies to marriage, simply the appearance of consensus is enough to justify never questioning it
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Aug 5, 2017 21:33
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- Milotic
- Mar 4, 2009
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9CL apologist
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Slippery Tilde
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drat, this dude needs closure.
Me [23 M] with my ex-fiance [19 F] of 3 years vanished from my life W/O saying goodbye after treating me like crap for a few months
quote:u/pewpewrightthere
My ex and I were very passionate, daily sex and sometimes twice a day. We would always be holding hands or cuddling and we did this up until her father left her mom. It wasn't just a normal divorce, he sat her down and explained that he had been cheating on her for 23 years and have never been faithful to her. After explaining this, he simply vanished for a few months and left his wife with their 3 other young kids, my ex was the oldest and her father didn't come back for a few months.
When he did, he was always shitfaced drunk and angry at everybody. My ex tried to talk to her father and get him to stop drinking and actually talk to her mom and interact in a healthy way with his young kid and if he didn't, she would stop talking to him.
He said that he didn't care and that she could go away and he would not care. She had always loved her father a TON and was a total daddies girl so this destroyed her. From then on out, I went from being "the best boyfriend that she could ever imagine" and "I couldn't even make a better boyfriend if I could" to being the root of all evil and me being the cause of all her pain and it even went as far as her calling me names and labeling me as a narcissist.
After about a month of her coming home to our house, I had got for us, and yelling at me about how I am the worst boyfriend and I am never there for her, even though I did nothing but be there for her. When she was going through the poo poo with her dad she said that I am always there for her and that I am amazing.
On top of all this, she found out that she was pregnant, I was excited! I always thought that this anger she was having daily would pass and all I had to do was keep being nice and supportive of her and I had always wanted kids so this was good news to me. On the other hand, she was even angrier and even more mean to me and took even more out on me. No matter what I did, I was the bad guy.
Anyways, after a few months, she just vanished. I came home from work and all her stuff was gone and she had blocked me on social media and blocked my phone number. She apparently had her whole family block me as well. I went to her moms house and sat and talked with her mom for awhile and my ex had apparently been by the house but didn't say what was going on or where she was going.
This was last December that she vanished and I haven't heard from her since. I am having a hard time letting go of this and I literally think about her almost all day and I do that every day. When I am just relaxing after a long day at work, I sometimes think about calling her to see when she will be home and then realize that she isn't coming home, ever...
Another thing I think about a lot is what happened to my kid? Is he/she dead now? Is she going to have the child and raise MY child without me? I feel betrayed and hurt. On top of all that, she constantly lied to me in the last few months about everything, big or small.
How can I move on from this and stop thinking about her so much? I wish I could get closure and just move on and get another amazing relationship but I when I date other girls I start feeling bad that all I am thinking about is how much I miss my ex and how much I wish I could talk to her.
I have been told I am distant during sex as well as I am going back and thinking about all the amazing sex I had with my ex.
I need some help. I am motivated and want to change and move on.
Please help!
tl;dr: How to get over ex of an abusive breakup and relationship.
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Aug 5, 2017 21:48
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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Try to guess the lie before you click.
I[33M] have been lying to my wife[29F] for 8 years
quote:
We've been married for 6 years and together for 8. I couldn't ask for a better partner but I kind of hosed up in the beginning with a small thing that has now grown into something bigger. It's really dumb so bear with me.
Basically, when we first got together I had a mix tape in my car with John Mayer songs on it. It was my ex-girlfriend's. My wife found the tape and teased me about liking John Mayer. I didn't want to tell her that it was my ex's so I was just like "Yeah I like John Mayer so what"
big mistake
Turns out my wife thought it was the cutest thing ever for an adult male to like John Mayer. She began getting me his music for holidays and she would always play it in the house. I became known as the guy who loves John Mayer in our friend group. I accepted it. I figured, big deal, who cares what music is playing. I figured it would pass and it wasn't really something I thought much about.
I guess it began escalating and I didn't really notice. Pretty much every significant moment in my life now coincides with his music. Most of the time when we have sex JM is seducing women in the background. It was playing when I found out my dad died. I got a promotion at work and JM is strumming away in the car stereo.
I don't think I can just tell my wife the truth at this point. She walked down the aisle at our wedding to a John Mayer song. I just found out that she bought me surprise tickets to see John Mayer live, and they were very expensive and she also got passes so I could meet him. She was so happy and excited to give them to me and I just feel like this has gone too far. I feel like I'm living a lie but I don't know what to do. Thanks to my wife, everyone in my life now thinks I am John Mayer's Number 1 fan. Part of me doesn't want to give up that part of my identify but the other part doesn't want to stand with a bunch of teenage girls to watch him at a concert
tl;dr: lied to my wife about liking john mayer; my life now revolves around his music and I'm looking for clarity
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Aug 5, 2017 21:50
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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Today on 'this person you love is going to set their life on fire and there's nothing you can really do about it':
My [24M] brother [22M] is being pressured into marriage for the wrong reasons and I want to find a way to reach him
For some reason the brothers simpleness feels like hell be unbelievably happy in his marriage and it never dawn on him it could be any other way.
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Aug 5, 2017 22:09
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- WampaLord
- Jan 14, 2010
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For some reason the brothers simpleness feels like hell be unbelievably happy in his marriage and it never dawn on him it could be any other way.
I dunno, the greying hair thing shows that on some level he is not happy.
He's 22 and is getting grey hairs, lmao.
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Aug 5, 2017 22:15
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- andrew smash
- Jun 26, 2006
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smooth soul
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If the John Mayer thing happened on an early / first date it may well have pushed his future wife from "eh that was fun" to "this guy is adorable" and he been honest and said "yeah that's my ex's she's super into that bullshit" he might never have gotten a second date, so he should probably keep his mouth shut and learn to love the John and just blast bad religion when his wife's not around.
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Aug 5, 2017 22:24
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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I chose an antique book over a friend's mental health, not sure if I did the right thing. [both 27 females]
quote:
I [27F] have been friends with Kelsey [27F] for about 13 years now. We met in HS and really hit it off. She has been in and out of my life since I was very young, but I didn't consider her a friend until our teens.
The problem is Kelsey grew up very religious and firmly believes in demons and ghosts and haunted things. She was pagan for a while and is now a weird hybrid of Christianity and Paganism. We don't talk about it because
I feel really uncomfortable when she brings it up. She does things I feel are illogical and I kind of think she is covering a mental issue with religion.
Some examples:
She wouldn't let me stop at a thrift store because she felt the dark energy in the place. I went in, bought a winter coat, and she asked to cleanse it for me because it had bad energy. Nothing bad happened to me, minus a button coming off.
She claims one of my cats is actually some kind of guardian. She doesn't do anything too weird around the cat, but she sometimes will sit on my couch, talk to the cat about whatever is on her mind, and then say she feels 10x better because Angel [the cat] understands. She also claimed the cat had a different name but Angel was good enough.
Gives me protective stones and statues for my home. Which I have kept some of them because a few are really cool. And she seemed to believe I was haunted by something and I just accepted that she wanted to help. In her own way.
It has gotten worse, to the point where she has called me saying a ghost is moving things around. That she has seen 'visions' and that she got two new cats to protect her [when she already has five.] She seems to be getting really panicked and believes that certain items are hurting her. She tossed out a lot of her things and quit work.
She came over to my house yesterday and begged me to toss out a $4 book I got recently at a state fair. It's from 1890 and was written by someone in Salem Mass. I think it's cool, I like the way it looks, and I told her no. I am worried about her, but she refuses to listen. She broke into tears and told me I was going to die because of this book. That something bad was attached to it and she needed to get rid of it for me.
I told her no and told her I no longer want contact with her. She wouldn't leave my porch until my boyfriend came home and threatened the police. I have since gotten 30 calls from her and she keeps begging me to get rid of the book.
I am just not sure where to go from here? What do I do?
Posting this one because Angel, cat therapist, would be a rad TV show.
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Aug 5, 2017 22:30
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- WampaLord
- Jan 14, 2010
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He should have said that he hates John Mayer after he dumped (insert celebrity here) and now wants nothing to do with him.
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Aug 5, 2017 22:30
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- andrew smash
- Jun 26, 2006
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smooth soul
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He should have said that he hates John Mayer after he dumped (insert celebrity here) and now wants nothing to do with him.
That's a good out
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Aug 5, 2017 22:33
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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He should have said that he hates John Mayer after he dumped (insert celebrity here) and now wants nothing to do with him.
This will only end in him getting backstage passes to a Taylor Swift concert.
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Aug 5, 2017 22:35
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- WampaLord
- Jan 14, 2010
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This will only end in him getting backstage passes to a Taylor Swift concert.
Seems like a vastly preferable alternative.
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Aug 5, 2017 22:40
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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My (24/F) BF (27/m) says his ex (27/f) had a "near perfect body" and prefers it over mine.
quote:
My bf had an online relationship with a woman. They never spoke on the phone not video cam. It was strictly pictures (nudity was involved but he never got a genital pic). This went on for 3 years until they broke up.
We have been together for 1.5 years until at my questioning that he preferred her body over mine (saying that it was "near perfect"). The frustration is he keeps this fantasy image of a goddess in his head while I'm sitting in a chair feeling like an absolute Jabba the hut.
Two incidences from our relationship stands out:
For the first six months of our relationship he had feelings and kept in contact with his ex who was being sexually aggressive and disrespectful to our relationship. He cut her out at my request (yes I regret not dumping him).
A year into our relationship, he expressed I lose weight and he wanted to sleep with other women (I had not gained not lost weight and was exercising at the time) which he then apologized for.
I feel inadequate and disgusted he still keeps his ex in a glimmering light even though I found decent evidence that it may be ... Not a female. It is simply the fantasy he keeps in his head even after being together for nearly two years.
Advice or a new perspective anyone can give me? PS. While we were friends, I've seen her nudes. What he fantasized in his mind after 1.5 years is incorrect.
Thanks.
TLDR; BF says his online ex had a near perfect body, prefers it over mine. Other incidences makes me feel awful and inadequate.
Hi, my name is Mat
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Aug 5, 2017 22:42
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- TOOT BOOT
- May 25, 2010
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I chose an antique book over a friend's mental health, not sure if I did the right thing. [both 27 females]
Posting this one because Angel, cat therapist, would be a rad TV show.
Angie Smith: I just don't know if I feel the spark with my husband anymore, ya know?
Angel: <cleans butthole>
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Aug 5, 2017 22:56
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- WampaLord
- Jan 14, 2010
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Yeah, me and this cam girl are totally an item.
She streams in Canada.
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Aug 5, 2017 22:57
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- Cyberpope v2
- Oct 26, 2002
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by Lowtax
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Yeah me and this person catfishing me were totally together. She's perfect despite the fact we never actually interacted.
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Aug 5, 2017 22:58
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- Pvt.Scott
- Feb 16, 2007
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What God wants, God gets, God help us all
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This is from many pages back but for everyone who loved the story of the mother in law who showed up to the wedding in a white dress, only to have red wine "accidentally" dumped on her by the bride's best friend, the same person later posted a picture of the dress in question.
Just because I'm dressed like the bride doesn't mean I AM the bride! Don't be so superficial.
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Aug 5, 2017 23:21
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- A Wizard of Goatse
- Dec 14, 2014
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This will only end in him getting backstage passes to a Taylor Swift concert.
I like to think the wife's know all along and has just been seeing how far he'll take it as he sits there rictus-faced poorly pretending there's nothing he loves more than listening to John fuckin Mayer
This is from many pages back but for everyone who loved the story of the mother in law who showed up to the wedding in a white dress, only to have red wine "accidentally" dumped on her by the bride's best friend, the same person later posted a picture of the dress in question.
Mwah *kisses fingers*
A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 23:36 on Aug 5, 2017
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Aug 5, 2017 23:28
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- Pvt.Scott
- Feb 16, 2007
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What God wants, God gets, God help us all
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John Mayer is a legit crazy good blues guitarist who plays soft acoustic pap because it pays the bills. "Your body is a wonderland," is weaponized cringe in lyrical form, and he knows what he's doing.
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Aug 6, 2017 00:20
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- goethe.cx
- Apr 23, 2014
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John Mayer is a legit crazy good blues guitarist who plays soft acoustic pap because it pays the bills. "Your body is a wonderland," is weaponized cringe in lyrical form, and he knows what he's doing.
he's like the Adam Sandler of music
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Aug 6, 2017 00:29
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- tactlessbastard
- Feb 4, 2001
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Godspeed, post
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Fun Shoe
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drat, this dude needs closure.
Me [23 M] with my ex-fiance [19 F] of 3 years vanished from my life W/O saying goodbye after treating me like crap for a few months
quote:
On top of all this, she found out that she was pregnant, I was excited!
What are you, retarded?
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Aug 6, 2017 01:17
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- Haifisch
- Nov 13, 2010
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Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!
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Taco Defender
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My [26f] Dad [67 M] is obsessed with becoming a millionaire. After 20 years of failed business plans, I'm tired of listening.
quote:I've been out of the house since I was 18 years old. Since I was about 6, my Dad left his government job to fund his dream career. (I can't exactly remember what it was.) My Mom has always worked and supported the family.
Our whole lives growing up, we were always on the brink of getting rich. My parents would take us to the open houses of mansions, insisting it was right around the corner. "You do know we will be millionaires one day, right?" Is something I heard a LOT growing up. In reality, a lot of the times my parents could hardly pay their bills. I have no idea how much money my Dad makes now, if he makes any. I do know he spent the majority of his career at home though.
As an adult now, I find it really hard to connect with my Dad. I can never keep track of what business idea he is running on now. (It changes every six months.) And in all honesty, when he sends me emails about what he is doing, I just ignore them.
My Dad keeps talking about all this money he has or will be making, but I know that he still doesn't qualify for a credit card, even after all these years.
When I try to talk to my Dad about having stress with my own work (I have a very small real-estate company) my Dad will always interrupt with "Oh I know, with my business blah blah blah," or he will say "oh I wouldn't even worry, I'm going to be a millionaire and I can take care of you." It makes me so mad because I have busted my rear end for the last 5 years to create stability for myself, and I hate him thinking that I am just going to wait for him to get rich so I can mooch. (Like my brother does.)
The whole situation makes me very sad. Do I continue nodding my head but internally ignoring him, or should I talk to him about it?
tl;dr: My Dad is obsessed with becoming rich and it strains our relationship.
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Aug 6, 2017 01:19
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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My [26f] Dad [67 M] is obsessed with becoming a millionaire. After 20 years of failed business plans, I'm tired of listening.
Just keep smiling and nodding at your retirement-age dad's fantasies, jfc how hard is this.
Id say take the time to reach out to his brother in Africa and reconnect the two of them and really make it clear to your dad that suicide invalidates life insurance policies.
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Aug 6, 2017 01:32
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- WampaLord
- Jan 14, 2010
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My [26f] Dad [67 M] is obsessed with becoming a millionaire. After 20 years of failed business plans, I'm tired of listening.
Just keep smiling and nodding at your retirement-age dad's fantasies, jfc how hard is this.
The Steinbeck quote about temporarily embarrassed millionaires goes here.
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Aug 6, 2017 01:58
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- A Wizard of Goatse
- Dec 14, 2014
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This was probably manageably depressing back when a million dollars was actually enough money for your kids to quit their day jobs
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Aug 6, 2017 02:49
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- A Wizard of Goatse
- Dec 14, 2014
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Real estate son all having to bite his tongue every time to avoid pointing out that, owning a solvent real estate company, he's almost certainly a millionaire, and up to his neck in debt
A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 03:19 on Aug 6, 2017
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Aug 6, 2017 03:13
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- maskenfreiheit
- Dec 30, 2004
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Guy I've been seeing (22m) hosed me (20f) in my sleep. What now?
quote:
Hi r/relationship_advice, this is my first time posting here. I hope I'm on the right subreddit for this. Content warning for rapey stuff, probably not a good read for quite some people.
So. I met this guy a while ago, we've been on several dates, he's really sweet and funny and it becomes obvious we're both developing feelings for each other. I wouldn't call our sex life so far great, but it's enjoyable enough, I think I have a fairly high sex drive and enjoy pleasing my partners so it's not like he's been totally deprived (not that that would make loving sleeping people any more okay...).
I work nights and one day this week we had agreed I'd go from work to spend the night at his place. It's 430 am, I had a hell of a night but I'm happy to see him and we get to bed together and start making out. I pretty straightforwardly ask him if he wants to have sex, but he says he can't get hard for some reason so I just figure he must be as tired as I am, kiss him goodnight and start drifting off to sleep.
(Now I'm a bad sleeper, I have trouble falling asleep and my sleep is often shallow so it's common that I'm in this half asleep, almost sleep paralysis state where I can't really move or speak or react but hear, feel etc normally.)
A while later I can feel him groping me and can tell he's jerking off next to me, and this is something I personally don't have a problem with. However it IS kind of creepy that he would do this especially since we haven't been seeing each other for that long and because I'm 99% sure he thought I was fast asleep. Anyway, I feel his hands leave me and figured he had taken care of himself so I let myself drift off into deeper sleep - from which I'm abruptly awaken some time later when he's pushing his dick inside me.
"Whoa, what are you doing!? I'm sleeping, that's so hosed up, why would you do that??"
"I've hosed sleeping girls before, and I figured you'd wake up"
I think I made it clear I was upset and disapproved of what was happening, but did not (or could not, due to being so exhausted) physically fight him off. He basically disregarded my shock, finished inside me, hugged me, and rolled over to sleep.
I'm still processing the events but I'm really deeply upset by what happened. I had really thought he was the sweetest, kindest guy I had ever met so especially this coming from him was a shock and it's definitely affecting how I see him and my feelings towards him. It's obvious what he did wasn't out of malevolence so I feel extremely uncomfortable and unconfident thinking about confronting him about this, but it's indeniable I really didn't consent to what he did and I'm left feeling upset, confused, and violated. I really think addressing this with him is necessary for whatever future relations we have, but I don't want to hurt him and I know first hand how defensive men usually get if you accuse them of, well, basically raping you. What should I do? And, would you consider this rape?
TL;DR: Spent the night with a guy I've been seeing, woke up to his dick entering me and was obviously upset, he didn't seem to care. I feel violated and want to talk about it with him but don't know how and I don't want to come off as accusing or mean because I'm still interested in him.
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Aug 6, 2017 03:15
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Jun 12, 2024 05:16
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Aug 5, 2017 20:48
Hmm
