/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

COMRADES: Apr 3, 2017; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

ArbitraryC posted:

I mean it is rolling the dice but fwiw I think it's possible the sister is just treating him like a brother. I was super close with an ex's family and her sisters would hug me all the time cause we were just like one happy family but their affection was certainly not romantic.

Yeah.

quote:

a lot more friendlier with me as well she has been a lot more touchy with me lately such as hanging on to me, grabbing my arms, and hugging me which she definitely didn't do before.

She is being friendly with you, fool.

# ? Aug 17, 2017 18:36

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# ? Jun 3, 2024 17:03

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

MF_James posted:

if twin 1 love equals null, then twin 2 equals sex.

or something, I dunno I couldn't come up with anything better.

Better than what most of YOSPOS could come up w 🎉

# ? Aug 17, 2017 18:38

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

He and the "she's pleasuring herself in the tent we share alone right next to me and being louder and louder every night waking me up I don't know what's going on" guy should compare notes and calibrate their "am I being flirted with"-dar somewhere in the middle.

# ? Aug 17, 2017 18:41

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

I dunno what the gently caress is wrong with these people and their inability to use actual paragraphs, but boy is it annoying. Not the only mistake our intrepid hero makes!

I (21/M) accidentally confessed how I feel to my coworker (26/F) via drunk dial. Dating (self.relationships)

quote:

I'm an intern at a law office. She's one of the paralegals. I initially kept to myself as most interns over there, do. She approached me first (at the cafe across the street from our building). It was light conversation. She said that she had seen me in the office a few times, asked my name, what I think of the place, etc.

Eventually we got to know each other, exchanged phone numbers, went out for lunch (in groups and just the two of us). I'm not an idiot ... I realized there was no way she could ever see me as anything more than the intern she sometimes talks hockey and Game of Thrones with. We both speak Korean as well, so there's that. Sometimes we'll talk in Korean at work. Not full conversations, just a word or two here and there when we're trying to make an inside joke.

She's an easygoing person. Funny, smart and considerate of everyone around her.To be honest (and I know this will sound like a load of poo poo but) it was hard not to fall for her in some way.

That said, I know she doesn't feel the same about me. I'm too young for her. She's casually mentioned that wouldn't date anyone under 23. Makes sense. Although five years isn't a lot, it is in terms of adult life experience. I'm still in school. I have two roommates. My parents still pay for my phone.

Compared to her, I'm a child.

For that reason, I've tried my best to set aside the way I feel.

I'm usually really good at it.

But, this weekend, I had a little too much to drink at my brother's wedding, and at the end of the night, I ended up calling her. It was late. The call went to voicemail. I can't remember exactly what I said but I definitely used the word "love" at some point.

This happened on Saturday night.

She didn't say anything the next day. No call, no text, no email. Not that I expected it. I was just hoping we could get over the awkwardness of it via message instead of in person, Morning morning.

I considered texting her myself and apologizing, but I'm immature, and an idiot, so I ultimately didn't.

The following Monday, I went into working expecting her to either pull me aside and say something or to ignore me completely. She did neither. In fact she didn't show up to work at all that day. Apparently she was sick. A small part of me wondered if maybe she was avoiding me, but then I reminded myself that I'm not that important.

On Tuesday, I saw her in the lobby. She walked right past me without saying anything, and actively ignored me the rest of the day.

She's done the same today, for the most part. It's a miracle she hasn't gone to HR. I'm still not sure what I said to her in the voicemail, beyond the love confession, or how. All I know is that she texted me a couple of hours ago asking if we can talk after work, which brings me here.

I agreed to meet her.

I don't know what to expect. Beyond sorry, I don't know what to say.

Honestly, I regret everything. I know I never had a chance with her, but to go out like this? That's embarrassing.

What should I expect going into this? And would it be too much if I offered to leave my internship and find another? Just to remove myself from her presence. I don't want to make her feel even more uncomfortable than I have.
Sorry if this doesn't make sense.

tl;dr It was a drunk voice mail. I confessed that I'm in love with her. She's ignored me for a few days, and then a couple of hours ago she texted me, asking if we can talk after work. What should I expect going into it? Besides an apology, what should I say? Should I offer to leave so she doesn't have to see me again?

And then, the update!

quote:

Sorry for taking so long. I forgot my phone in my car.

She and I talked for about an hour after work.

Apparently her boyfriend (whom she's never mentioned before) overheard the voicemail when she was listening to it the morning after the wedding.

He was understandably upset, seeing as some random guy was confessing to his girlfriend.

They had a huge argument about it. He made a bunch of accusations, claiming that "people don't fall in love out of nowhere" and some other things. Basically he was saying that she was emotionally cheating with me (which is so far from the truth).
She has only ever behaved appropriately with not just me but everyone.

She was upset. That's why she called in sick and avoided me for a couple of days. Not because she was mad at me, but because of the argument and breakup that followed.

I apologized profusely throughout the conversation. At one point I offered to contact her boyfriend and tell him that it was a drunken, unprompted mistake. But she said that it's okay, the relationship had run its course.

Maybe that was why she had never mentioned him before.

In any case, I feel really bad for the part I played. I didn't intend for any of this to happen.

Surprisingly she still wants to be friends.

Way to be a homewrecker.

# ? Aug 17, 2017 18:59

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

If she still wants to be friends after all that and isn't distancing herself from the weird guy who gave a drunken love confession, she might actually be into him on some level???

Granted, she might just be saying that so as to remain civil and is planning on freezing him out.

# ? Aug 17, 2017 19:03

bone app the teeth: May 14, 2008

WampaLord posted:

If she still wants to be friends after all that and isn't distancing herself from the weird guy who gave a drunken love confession, she might actually be into him on some level???

Granted, she might just be saying that so as to remain civil and is planning on freezing him out.

She's politely walking around the "poo poo" he dropped where she eats.

# ? Aug 17, 2017 19:05

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

WampaLord posted:

If she still wants to be friends after all that and isn't distancing herself from the weird guy who gave a drunken love confession, she might actually be into him on some level???

Granted, she might just be saying that so as to remain civil and is planning on freezing him out.

I briefly flirted with this interpretation but landed where the teeth man did: she has to work with this idiot so she's being more diplomatic than is really warranted.

# ? Aug 17, 2017 19:07

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

The only thing that leads me to believe she might be interested in him is that she avoided ever mentioning that she had a boyfriend, and even with that I don't think it's very likely.

# ? Aug 17, 2017 19:15

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

quote:

I was super close with an ex's family and her sisters would hug me all the time cause we were just like one happy family but their affection was certainly not romantic.

My family didn't hug growing up but my in-laws are all very grabby and I internally cringe through a whole barrage of hugs upon meeting repeating to myself "I'm not autistic I'm not autistic'

# ? Aug 17, 2017 19:15

Vhak lord of hate: Jun 6, 2008; I AM DRINK THE BLOOD OF JESUS

tactlessbastard posted:

My family didn't hug growing up but my in-laws are all very grabby and I internally cringe through a whole barrage of hugs upon meeting repeating to myself "I'm not autistic I'm not autistic'

bad news pal

# ? Aug 17, 2017 19:17

Slugworth: Feb 18, 2001; If two grown men can't make a pervert happy for a few minutes in order to watch a film about zombies, then maybe we should all just move to Iran!

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

I asked her out, she said yes, I was excited. On the first date though it inevitably turned out she was 16.

Inevitably, like all first dates, it turned out she was 16.

It's just so inevitable!

# ? Aug 17, 2017 19:18

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Pac-Manioc Root posted:

I briefly flirted with this interpretation but landed where the teeth man did: she has to work with this idiot so she's being more diplomatic than is really warranted.

That definitely seems to be the more sensible reasoning.

I still think it's a possibility some small part of her was thinking "Hey, the young dude at work tho..." when breaking up with her BF.

Clark Nova posted:

The only thing that leads me to believe she might be interested in him is that she avoided ever mentioning that she had a boyfriend, and even with that I don't think it's very likely.

A very good point

# ? Aug 17, 2017 19:20

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

Slugworth posted:

Inevitably, like all first dates, it turned out she was 16.

It's just so inevitable!

I been on a lot of first dates, and the only ones where it "inevitably" shook out she was 16 was when I was like 15-17 and it was no surprise.

That guy is gross and too close and self-interested to see that he's another way she's acting out in an insanely unhealthy way and should get out of her life and let her focus on recovery.

# ? Aug 17, 2017 19:28

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

tactlessbastard posted:

My family didn't hug growing up but my in-laws are all very grabby and I internally cringe through a whole barrage of hugs upon meeting repeating to myself "I'm not autistic I'm not autistic'

somewhere the hair just stood up on the back of pick's neck

# ? Aug 17, 2017 19:35

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Slugworth posted:

Inevitably, like all first dates, it turned out she was 16.

It's just so inevitable!

it's pretty inevitable when you're picking chicks up in a high school parking lot yeah

# ? Aug 17, 2017 19:41

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Vhak lord of hate posted:

bad news pal

At least I pass :tinfoil:

# ? Aug 17, 2017 19:45

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

hawowanlawow posted:

somewhere the hair just stood up on the back of pick's neck

Autistic screeching in an octave only she can hear. Her gift� and her curse.

---

My (34f) husband (34m) of 12 years is a severe food addict and as such super morbidly obese with all the associated health problems. I don't love him but can't leave (insurance, kids, house). How can I still live with some joy in my life?

quote:

Thank you for taking the time to read. Tommy (fake name) and I married after I got pregnant with our first, but I really, really loved him. He was smart, athletic, sweet, funny.

After our second was born when we were 29, Tommy seemed to go through a pretty radical transformation. He'd been big into cycling and rock climbing but gradually stopped doing both and sold all his gear. He'd always had a "big appetite" but when the acticity stopped, weight came. He ate more and more and more and in 2ish years he was well over 300lbs.

He tried every diet known to man and nothing worked because he'd cheat and lie about his efforts. He'd blame me for buying ice cream so I wouldn't buy ice cream and two months later he'd say I was shaming him by keeping ice cream from him.

He finally admitted he had a massive issue with food and we tried inpatient therapy, our patient, group, overeaters anonymous, sitting in on AA as a corollary to OA, you know name...but throughout all of it Tommy would eat in secret and lie about it. His work tried to allow him to work from home but that only encouraged multiple fast food trips throughout the day and he ultimately missed one too many assignments and meetings and they fired him.

Which leads to he is now on my induranxe exclusively. The amount of medications he takes for heart, cholesterol, apnea, pain, anxiety, depression, etc...is staggering. His room looks like a hospitals with special mattress, machines, monitors, etc... he now weights well over 500lbs and only goes to fast food or grocery store. I don't support his addiction in any way so I keep all me and the kids groceries at my dads house (who thank god only lives about a block away--we eat over there too).

Here's the rub, he has no income, he can't leave the house to look for work and without my insurance he will have a much, much shorter life so I feel like I can't leave him. But with all the lying, sneaking, anger, and blame I feel no love for him. I like him as a person and I feel sympathy for the obvious physical and emotional pain he's in but there is nothing resembling love left.

Since I'm essentially trapped, how do I find joy in my life? I feel like I'm getting depressed but I don't want to medicate I feel like I can't take time out of all I have to do to go to therapy or other appointments. I want to be happy and travel and see the world but it just seems like I'm stuck.

tl;dr: Husband has a severe eating disorder and I don't love him anymore but feel like I can't leave. How do I find joy and happiness again?

OP dreams of running away
When she cries in the night
Tommy whispers, "pass the sorbet"

She'll stay.

# ? Aug 17, 2017 19:52

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

Have an affair.

# ? Aug 17, 2017 19:55

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

fruit on the bottom posted:

Me [21M] with my gf [22F] have been together for over 3 years, But I think I picked the wrong twin

For sure. OP should definitely torpedo his relationship of 3 years to chase his girlfriend's sister who is probably just being friendly like she should be because he's been dating her sister for literal years. Just go jerk off a bunch and get over it, dude. Fantasies are designed to stay in your head for a reason.

# ? Aug 17, 2017 19:55

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Im pretty sure there is no better crash diet than "has no money for food"

# ? Aug 17, 2017 19:55

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Pac-Manioc Root posted:

Have an affair.

Oh, she's halfway there

# ? Aug 17, 2017 19:56

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

fruit on the bottom posted:

Autistic screeching in an octave only she can hear. Her gift� and her curse.

---

My (34f) husband (34m) of 12 years is a severe food addict and as such super morbidly obese with all the associated health problems. I don't love him but can't leave (insurance, kids, house). How can I still live with some joy in my life?

OP dreams of running away
When she cries in the night
Tommy whispers, "pass the sorbet"

She'll stay.

This dude lost his stay-at-home job because he was going to get fast food too much? Holy poo poo.

Cut him off financially and lock your food up. Once you catch him stealing your children's food, leave him.

# ? Aug 17, 2017 20:07

Barudak: May 7, 2007

You know people treat Ivan Drago like a villain but sometimes "If he dies, he dies" is just good advice

# ? Aug 17, 2017 20:10

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Admiral Ray posted:

This dude lost his stay-at-home job because he was going to get fast food too much? Holy poo poo.

Yea holy gently caress what in the world?

Why the gently caress is this guy making 30 McD's runs in a day?

# ? Aug 17, 2017 20:16

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

I bet the recent Uber style fast food delivery services have been a boon for the morbidly obese

# ? Aug 17, 2017 20:19

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

fruit on the bottom posted:

Autistic screeching in an octave only she can hear. Her gift� and her curse.

---

My (34f) husband (34m) of 12 years is a severe food addict and as such super morbidly obese with all the associated health problems. I don't love him but can't leave (insurance, kids, house). How can I still live with some joy in my life?

OP dreams of running away
When she cries in the night
Tommy whispers, "pass the sorbet"

She'll stay.

225 kilos? This is a self correcting problem.

Or check him into a mental health facility and have an affair, the dude clearly doesn't care about anyone but himself. Or he's so broken as to not be fixable which is the same effect.

# ? Aug 17, 2017 20:53

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

another /r/adultery gem:

busted after 10+ yrs, here is my advice (self.adultery)

quote:

This is my last day of vacation and freedom to write so I wanted to give you advice based on 10+ years of cheating, small busts and one very huge bust.

1 Don't assume because your spouse ignores you and acts like you don't exist that you can be sloppy. Eventually they will notice something.

2 Don't assume because your spouse treats you like furniture that they won't go apeshit when they find out you're cheating. My husband went years at a time not touching me but lost his loving mind when he found out I was with other men.

3 Operate at a high level of security no matter how dismissive your spouse is. Always assume a bust is a hair's breadth away and that fallout will be horrific.

4 I advocate burner phones. My greatest regret is that I did not isolate the affairs to a burner. He immediately took away my phone and laptop both of which had retrievable nasty poo poo on them (including damning predictive text). I did manage to wipe both without his knowing but it was a nightmare.

5 Deny everything unless shown solid evidence. One thing my husband did was claim to have proof he didn't (though he did have some other proof). I was so terrified I admitted to things unnecessarily.

6 Delete everything (even on a burner). Save nothing physical unless it is a 100% plausible something you could have bought yourself. But NO sentimental mementos. Saving stupid stuff like restaurant business cards is what got me busted.

7 Have a KGB level hiding spot for the burner and do not touch it when your spouse is around. This is the most important part of having a burner unless you have a feasible excuse for a second phone (some people do). Even then avoid touching it when spouse is around. When hidden place it on airplane mode (in case it is accidentally turned on), silent mode and off. I also place mine in a thick sock before hiding it.

8 As paranoid as you should be, don't let it bleed into your interaction with APs or pAPs. If you can't trust your AP with your true identify then they probably should not be your AP. I'm talking about long term situations, obviously. When I did get caught I pretended not to know any of my APs last names. I didn't expose anyone.

9 Be nice to your APs. You're going to all this risk to interact with him or her so don't treat them like poo poo.

I have other more relationship oriented advice in my history. If this saves anyone out there even one bust I am happy to have typed all this out. :-)

# ? Aug 17, 2017 21:00

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

maskenfreiheit posted:

another /r/adultery gem:

busted after 10+ yrs, here is my advice (self.adultery)

10 Get a better hobby goddamn

# ? Aug 17, 2017 21:02

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

maskenfreiheit posted:

another /r/adultery gem:

busted after 10+ yrs, here is my advice (self.adultery)

quote:

4 I advocate burner phones. My greatest regret is that I did not isolate the affairs to a burner. He immediately took away my phone and laptop both of which had retrievable nasty poo poo on them (including damning predictive text). I did manage to wipe both without his knowing but it was a nightmare.

This is my favorite part. None of them ever use burner phones.

Why? Because you only buy a burner phone if you're a Bad Person with Something To Hide and I'm a Good Person who just needs to gently caress Other People to become whole again!

Seriously, how many loving stories would be prevented with a burner phone? So many of these come out because "I saw a text come in on their phone"

# ? Aug 17, 2017 21:03

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

maskenfreiheit posted:

another /r/adultery gem:

busted after 10+ yrs, here is my advice (self.adultery)

if u gotta like do moscow rules level opsec and tradecraft maybe just get a divorce and have fun with other peeps instead of it being this crushing burden of shame and secrets?

:shrug:

# ? Aug 17, 2017 21:05

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

maskenfreiheit posted:

another /r/adultery gem:

busted after 10+ yrs, here is my advice (self.adultery)

These people are so loving broken.

Edit: Their top scoring posts of all time are hilarious.

Admiral Ray fucked around with this message at 21:10 on Aug 17, 2017

# ? Aug 17, 2017 21:05

Warbadger: Jun 17, 2006

WampaLord posted:

This is my favorite part. None of them ever use burner phones.

Why? Because you only buy a burner phone if you're a Bad Person with Something To Hide and I'm a Good Person who just needs to gently caress Other People to become whole again!

Seriously, how many loving stories would be prevented with a burner phone? So many of these come out because "I saw a text come in on their phone"

It's true, seems like a useful tool if you need to lie to your significant other and do other lovely things.

# ? Aug 17, 2017 21:10

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

WampaLord posted:

This is my favorite part. None of them ever use burner phones.

Why? Because you only buy a burner phone if you're a Bad Person with Something To Hide and I'm a Good Person who just needs to gently caress Other People to become whole again!

Seriously, how many loving stories would be prevented with a burner phone? So many of these come out because "I saw a text come in on their phone"

Walter White used a burner phone and his wife still busted him.

# ? Aug 17, 2017 21:11

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Pac-Manioc Root posted:

if u gotta like do moscow rules level opsec and tradecraft maybe just get a divorce and have fun with other peeps instead of it being this crushing burden of shame and secrets?

much like poly usually sounds like it's more about the melodrama than the sex, this chick sounds like she's more into it for the Mission Impossible bullshit to liven up her dreary everyday

I get that you're bored and all but find a hobby that gets you your thrills without being so totally destructive when it inevitably goes south, like trying to raise your kids to be school shooters:

Dad sent me [15f] to boarding school at a young age. Now he's upset that I don't like spend more time with his family during the summers. Threatening not to send me back to my school this fall. I want to go back.

quote:

Ok. So I've been attending boarding school since I was 10 (I started the 5th grade at my boarding school). The reason why I started going so early is that my dad remarried (my mother killed herself when I was a baby) to my step-mom when I was 9. When she got pregnant with my brother, she insisted that I be sent to boarding school so that they could start "start afresh". I use quotes because I used to hear them talking about it when I still lived there; I actually heard the discussions they'd have at night about it when they thought I was sleeping. She said a lot of hurtful things then (about me potentially being like my mother and potentially being a bad influence on their future children), but I guess she convinced him because he gave in, and they sent me away.

So I went to boarding school, they had my brother and then my sister, and I only see them in the summers and some holidays. In fact, a lot of holidays I spend with my friends' families, which my father has always signed-off on. This especially confuses me considering his change of heart this summer. I mean, I've spent the last 4 Thanksgivings holidays in other people's houses without comment!

At first I was extremely depressed. I was really attached to my father as a kid and it took me a long time to deal with being sent away, especially when my siblings were born. I felt a lot of betrayal and resentment.

BUT THEN I grew to deal with it. What really helped (and still helps) is that I have a wonderful group of friends at school and the adults there are really supportive there. My closest two friends have been there since I've been there. I feel like they're my family. Also, a lot of the kids I go to school with deal with what I'm dealing with in some form or the other and this has given my a lot of perspective. Additionally---and I am really grateful for this and understand that in a lot of ways I've been given an amazing opportunity and have NOTHING to complain about in this respect---I go to a really nice school. I love the grounds, I love my classes, I love the extracurriculars, I love my teaches, and I love my friends; the picture people paint of boarding school isn't the one that I experience. It's pretty easy for me to say that I prefer being at school 100x more than I prefer being at my father and step-mom's home. When I'm in their home, I feel like an outsider. They do their thing and I do mine. It's especially awful though because I still get the sense that my step-mother doesn't want me around when I'm here. She barely acknowledges me and I know she influences my brother and sister not to interact with me. I know because I took them to a theme park 2 weeks back and they told me this after a full day of having fun with each other.

So, and as much as I appreciate that I get to have the experiences I do at school, I can't seem to distance myself from my distaste of my father and step-mom. So, in order to avoid being disrespectful or coming off as rude, I just try to minimize the time I spend with them when I'm in their home for the summer. I don't have any friends here, so this means I go on hikes, go on runs, go to the movies; whatever I can to just be active or out and about without getting into trouble.

Which brings me to the problem. My father kind of blind-sided me yesterday. He sat down with me while I was eating breakfast (which never happens!) before going on a hike and he told me he's concerned that I haven't wanted to spend time with the family. I was confused because I haven't ever perceived this need from him, nor a any space for it---he works all year-round and all day, my step-mother is always ferrying my brother and sister to something or off with her friends---I just didn't even think that they wanted that.

He then said that he wants to keep me here for my final two years of high school and enroll me in the nearby private school so that I can be with the family. And I just panicked. I get STELLAR grades and I'm doing well at school. Every report he's gotten has been good! I expressed this to him, but I was so distraught at the idea of not going back that the insisted my distress was an indication of how unattached from the family I was.

I know I could have handled it better, but I blew up at him after he said this. I told him he was the reason I wasn't attached to "family" and that removing me from school would only remove me from the one place I had any real family. This really made him angry and he left saying he was resolved to remove me.

I don't know what to do! How can I convince him to let me go back? I feel like I'm a kid again. It's the same feeling all over again and I'm so angry.

# ? Aug 17, 2017 21:11

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

maskenfreiheit posted:

another /r/adultery gem:

busted after 10+ yrs, here is my advice (self.adultery)

From the same OP:

quote:

I have two APs who both think I'm slavishly exclusive to them. I didn't intentionally go about doing this but it ended up this way, and yes now I maintain the deception. I also am in contact with a few guys and that is also kept secret. I can barely remember the last time I was exclusive to anyone.

She's cheating on the guy she's cheating with. But it's not like she did it intentionally! She's still a good person, she can't help that all these dicks keep falling into her vagina.

# ? Aug 17, 2017 21:12

Literal Nazi Furry: Jan 27, 2008; Swastika - Helvetica - Ikea
Last night I dreamt of Adolf searching for Anne.
I lay on my back
standing alone in the corner watching the girls dance.
I'm on crystal meth.
I piss in my pants.

Kullik posted:

Sissy porn is actually the most cringe inducing thing ever, straight men have ruined being bi with their bullshit bicuriousness.

sorry i just need to get that out there.

thanks for putting this out there for some reason

# ? Aug 17, 2017 21:12

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Pac-Manioc Root posted:

if u gotta like do moscow rules level opsec and tradecraft maybe just get a divorce and have fun with other peeps instead of it being this crushing burden of shame and secrets?

I actually disagree, since if the person ever finds it the burner proof is defacto proof something is up.

But these idiots are all to dumb to put a password on their phones, establish healthy boundaries regarding snooping, and/or look into apps like Burner that can accomplish the same thing.

(I used to use burner for online dating and if I bought/sold stuff on CL, it supports a lock code and can be set to not push notifications if you wanna be secret sam)

# ? Aug 17, 2017 21:13

slouch: Mar 10, 2009

Blue Train posted:

Am I (31f) wrong or just not getting it with my fiance (31m)?

u/winnerloser2017

Ok well that's a weird reaction but surely they could talk it out and

Man, she even did pour the water on herself so I dont get what he is so huffy about. Sounds like a lunatic either way, absolutely abuser level poo poo. I would absolutely tell anybody in that situation that they should bounce out of there quick. Like, how many times will he do this before he escalates to the point where he is holding her cell phone or car keys for ransom?

# ? Aug 17, 2017 21:14

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

much like poly usually sounds like it's more about the melodrama than the sex, this chick sounds like she's more into it for the Mission Impossible bullshit to liven up her dreary everyday

I get that you're bored and all but find a hobby that gets you your thrills without being so totally destructive when it inevitably goes south, like trying to raise your kids to be school shooters:

Dad sent me [15f] to boarding school at a young age. Now he's upset that I don't like spend more time with his family during the summers. Threatening not to send me back to my school this fall. I want to go back.

Wikihow presents: How To Destroy Your Relationship With Your Daughter In 3 Steps (And She Should Hate You).

# ? Aug 17, 2017 21:15

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# ? Jun 3, 2024 17:03

WampaLord: Jan 14, 2010

Keeping with the theme of "How to cheat" here's something I dug up from the scum at r/MarriedRedPill (a sub for Redpill men who are married):

Tips for gaming other women when you're married

quote:

For those of you who are still interested in getting your dick wet in as many beautiful women as possible before you die, but still want to stay happily married, this post is for you. If you have a moral problem with this post, I don't blame you. But I'm posting it anyway.
THE BASICS:

For women your wife doesn't already know, let them know you're married before you try to sleep with them. If they find out you're married after they sleep with you, you run a greater risk of them looking up and telling your wife (this just happened to a buddy of mine). Let them know beforehand, and let them commit the sin with their eyes wide open, and then their fear of being labeled a slut and home wrecker will most likely keep them quiet. Hell, for many of them it makes the sex that much more exciting and satisfying.
During the day when you're out and about (probably when you're out at lunch during your work day or at the gym or running to the store, whatever) take your ring off. I've noticed that there's something about the light of day that makes women more concerned about how talking to a married man might look, and any hint of interest from you is met with twice the amount of resistance and skepticism--if you keep it on, you have to be EXTREMELY coy about your intentions--keep the conversation business related and then get her number within that frame. But then it's quite hard to reframe that later so you're really better off not wearing it, and then letting her know after you get her phone number that you find her really attractive, but that you're happily married so you can only be friends ("friend" is just a word that offers women deniability. don't be afraid to use it).

At night (when you're out with your buddies for a boys night or you're out with your wife for a date night) wear the ring. For some reason I've found that at night, women don't care nearly as much about how it might look talking to a married guy, and the ring serves as both preselection and it reverses the chasing dynamic in your favor. Be open about the fact that you find her attractive but, since you're married, you can only be friends, is she cool with just being friends? If she says yes, get her number. If she ever brings up your wife again, simply step back and reaffirm that your marriage isn't going to be a problem for your friendship. If you pull back, rather than push (by trying to convince her it's ok or it's innocent or some other bullshit), she'll sense your lack of need and happily recommit.

For women your wife knows and they like each other, you should never text or talk openly about your intentions. She's more likely to feel obligated to tattle, or she might just gossip to other friends about her friend's sleazy husband who keeps hitting on her so she can get a quick hit of social validation (which could get back to your wife). No, you need deniability here. The goal will be to get her to agree to meet you alone for something innocent. If she agrees to meet you alone, and she shows up, all you need to do is start kino while keeping your conversation above board and innocent and things will happen naturally. Do what you're going to do, but don't talk about what you're doing. A great way to get them alone? "I'm buying (wife) a gift for christmas/birthday/anniversary/death in the family/she's sick/just because and I need help picking
something out--what are you doing tomorrow around (time)--you wanna go to (store) with me?" That works like a charm. It gives you both deniability, but gets you alone. Trust me, if a woman agrees to be alone with you, knowing you're married, she's interested in something happening.

For women your wife knows but they don't like each other, you can actually be very direct about what you want. I know this might sound counter-intuitive and risky, but remember, although she might want to sleep with you as a way of attacking your wife (yay for you!), she can't actually tell her about it, or anybody, or she risks the worst label a woman can receive, which is slut/home wrecker. If she gets that label she risks total rejection from her social group and may have to start all over, and that's a punishment worse than death for a lot of women. She'll be happy to just enjoy the secret fact that she's getting one over on her enemy. That poo poo is plenty for them. And even if she DOES tell, the possibility that, if your wife leaves you, you might just run back off into the arms of her enemy is usually enough to get her to just forgive you, if for nothing more than her simple competitive drive.

Oh yea, I totally trust DENNIS and his system.

maskenfreiheit posted:

But these idiots are all to dumb to put a password on their phones, establish healthy boundaries regarding snooping, and/or look into apps like Burner that can accomplish the same thing.

(I used to use burner for online dating and if I bought/sold stuff on CL, it supports a lock code and can be set to not push notifications if you wanna be secret sam)

Yes, that's the funniest part to me, none of them even take steps to try to clamp down on issues, like disable the setting that makes texts show up on your screen as soon as they come in. THINK, people!

# ? Aug 17, 2017 21:15

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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