maskenfreiheit posted:

frankly i think a large source of ennui among redditors is having higher standards for their partner than themselves. every relationship will have issues. the inability to go "well, he forgot my birthday but he has a great job, genuinely loves me, is supportive of my career, and eats rear end... but after harping at him for four hours about forgetting a date, he raised his voice. very abusive. SEVERED!"

Outrail posted:

Obviously didn't eat enough rear end.

Modus Pwnens posted:

He should at least let her put it in their photo album, I mean come on.

Modus Pwnens posted:

He should at least let her put it in their photo album, I mean come on.

cumshitter posted:

As a man you're upposed to crack open a bullet and cauterize your tear ducts with the gun powder it if you feel a cry coming on.

cumshitter posted:

I guess you can also cry if you're a barbarian king and you realize that all have been subjugated before you and there are no lands or peoples left to conquer. I'd still call you a pussy, but some guys are cool with it.

WampaLord posted:

Boy the mental leap of logic to put the blame on the wife here is something else.

Pick posted:

It HAS to be the women's fault when she has FEELINGS about something I don't care about!!!!!!!


*perennially single????*

Pick posted:

poor freckles, learned his wife had an affair with ants and died

fruit on the bottom posted:

Healthily expressed feelings don't fend off sabretooth tigers. But unpredictable aggression and violence borne of unhealthy repression? You bet your prehistoric rear end.

fruit on the bottom posted:

Healthily expressed feelings don't fend off sabretooth tigers. But unpredictable aggression and violence borne of unhealthy repression? You bet your prehistoric rear end.

Pick posted:

Geez except not really because we're just apes with no claws, we gotta be friends to get poo poo done.

WampaLord posted:

Are there apes that are basically goons and fail to form attachments with their pack like normal, or is that an entirely man made problem?

Inescapable Duck posted:

quote:

u/[deleted]
Over a month ago, my "wife" and I got married, we have known each other since I was 18 and she was 19. We met at university and we've been the best of friends until this very day! it was a small ceremony with all of our family and friends. During the latter part of the day where we were all gathered at a small hall near the house my "wife" and I rented for the weekend, we had our speeches and we began the after party.

The after party lasted for about five hours and during the last two hours, my "wife" was gone and I couldn't find her and just after the party finished, I discovered her making out with one of her bridesmaids and was told later that they went into our rented house and had sex!

Of course, I was shocked, I was hurt, but I kept my pain quiet because I didn't want to spoil the end of the night. So, afterwards, I had sex with her, very angry sex of course, and after that, we just sat in silence, I was disgusted by her and we didn't do anything else that night.

It's been over a month now and I'm still trying to process what is going on. We had a few long talks about this and she confessed to me that she has been having feeling for her friend for many years as they have grown close and my "wife" has been questioning her sexuality. They have had sex in the past behind my back and I'm just disgusted by it.

We have spoken to her bridesmaid and she has said the same thing, that they have been having sex behind my back and they have been close ever since. My "wife" is going through a confused phase and I want to help her as she is my best friend, but I know what she did was unquestionable and she is a horrible person for doing this.

Any advice guys?

tl;dr: My [27M] "wife" [28F] cheated on me on our wedding day with one of her bridesmaids [27F]

Milotic posted:

drat....

My [27M] "wife" [28F] cheated on me on our wedding day with one of her bridesmaids [27F]

dudeness posted:

Fred and Wilma didn't even sleep in the same bed so let's not go looking at them for relationship advice.

Milotic posted:

drat....

My [27M] "wife" [28F] cheated on me on our wedding day with one of her bridesmaids [27F]

Errant Gin Monks posted:

There is only one thing to do. Demand a poly relationship with the ultimatum of being able to bang them both. Ride this out until it inevitably collapses into a rage fuled dumpster fire.

quote:

Not so much boring per say, but nobody listens to her when she speaks.

I should add, she is gorgeous. Stunning. A legit 9/10. But when she speaks nobody listens to her or she is interrupted immediately. Every. single. time. No matter who it is. She is incredibly intelligent and kind, but there's just something about her speaking voice...

She has a bit of a deeper, monotone voice with an ever so slight southern drawl. I used to think it was the uuuhhhhm's she added every few seconds but after gently discussing it with her, she tried to do the ol' pause in replace of uhhhm technique but people just interjected even more.

It's weird because I can see people drawn to her because of her beauty but once she starts talking they glaze over and interrupt almost immediately. No matter who it is -- young, old, extroverted, introverted. It's like her voice drops her from a 9 to a 3.

I've ever so delicately tried to talk to her about it but she became really really defensive. I've tried acting wildly entertained when she talks, asking her follow-up questions to pull other people in, but inevitably they end up talking among themselves every time she answers.

I have no idea what to do. She is an amazing listener, which works really well for us since I love to talk and tell stories, but I just can't shake the disappointment when we are around other people and she is flat out ignored. Sure it was great for the first year+ of our relationship when I felt like I had VIP access to the "real" her. But as time has trudged forward I want, more than anything, to see her grow and find her voice and learn to speak with passion.

I should add too, she isn't the least bit introverted. She loves social situations and meeting new people but it's 99% her asking questions and 1% her trying to talk and being ignored/interrupted.

Even when we are talking at home I find myself drifting off. It's like the intonation of her voice becomes white noise -- it just melds into the background. The act of concentrating and focusing on what she is saying is mentally fatiguing bordering on frustration.

Any tips on: 1. How to talk to her about this so it doesn't hurt her feelings? 2. Any tried and tested resources to diagnose and overcome something like this -- speaking lessons/therapy? (if such a thing exists)

TL;DR My wife's voice repels people and her storytelling is rote and unimaginative

Milotic posted:

drat....

My [27M] "wife" [28F] cheated on me on our wedding day with one of her bridesmaids [27F]

Danaru posted:

My [32M] Wife [27F] is boring!

cumshitter posted:

I guess you can also cry if you're a barbarian king and you realize that all have been subjugated before you and there are no lands or peoples left to conquer. I'd still call you a pussy, but some guys are cool with it.

quote:

Throwaway because my husband knows about my reddit account.

For a bit of backstory, me and my husband started out just about how every couple does. We met in college, got engaged our junior year and got married about a year after graduating and starting our careers. We decided very early in our marriage we wanted to live the DINK lifestyle and because of that we were pretty well off. I brought in most of our income as my husband was still working his way up in his career. Our marriage was absolutely wonderful, we had a perfect life. We traveled, lived in a beautiful home, had our dream jobs and were madly in love.

About two years ago I had come home to discover a nail in my tire that was causing a slow leak. I had a super busy work week that week so my husband offered to patch it temporarily till I could get into the shop the following week. I said no problem as my husband worked as a mechanic from 18 all the way through college. He patched the tire and that was that. About two days later I was driving to work when I had what I thought at the time was a blowout, I lost control of my vehicle and was hit by another car. Next thing I remember I'm in the hospital and finding out that I'm paralyzed from the waist down. A few months later it was concluded what caused my accident was that my husband did not properly tighten my lug nuts and it caused my tire to quite literally fall off while driving.

The next two years were grueling, intensive recovery. Me and my husband both lost our jobs, I racked up extraordinary amounts of medical bills, maxed out all our credit cards, had one car repossessed and we are currently extremely close to a foreclosure. My husband has been an amazing support this entire time, he's been by my side constantly, and has handled this entire thing perfectly. I know that he's wracked with guilt, I know that he feels terrible and yet he never let it show because he was so focused on me. He's even currently working a job he absolutely hates just to pay the bills. And despite all this I still blame him for everything and I resent him.

We had a picture perfect, story book kind of life. And because of a dumb, stupid mistake he made it's all ruined. Because of him, I will never walk again. I feel absolutely awful that I feel this way but I can't help it. Just looking at him makes me angry, him doing things for me makes me angry, everything about him makes me angry. And I just don't know what to do. Divorce? How could I divorce him when he's done so much? Who will help me? I do still love him as well. Marriage counseling? Then I'd have to admit that I resent him, that I blame him and I know how awful he already feels. I really just don't know what to do at this point. And the resentment, bitterness and all that isn't good for me and I know it.

So here I am, asking what the hell to do? What can I do? How can I fix this? I just don't know.

tl;dr Husband made a mistake that caused a horrific car accident that left me paralyzed. We went from being extremely well off with no kids to barely keeping a roof over our heads. I can't do anything I once loved and I blame him for all of it. Unsure of what to do about the relationship at this point.

LadyPictureShow posted:

I (34F) resent and blame my husband for causing an accident that left me paralyzed... not sure what to do


Holy crap. And of course, a bunch of comments I skimmed are saying 'blame yourself, not your husband.'

fruit on the bottom posted:

If you stub your toe and cry then that's weakness but crying at the birth of your child? I don't think that violates his masculinity.