maskenfreiheit posted:

m29

Koyaanisgoatse posted:

maskenfreiheit posted:

he also doesn't mention his neighbor's age

calling it now that he's the weird old guy at the undergrad party

maskenfreiheit posted:

Neighbor slapped my rear end - should I ask her out? (self.relationship_advice)

quote:

We are both aid workers based in middle of nowehere in Africa, and isolated from civilization. We live and work together. Internet works via satelite connection.

She is amazing. Funny, smart, attractive. We met here in the field. It was love at first sight. We clicked, and two weeks later I was living a dream (as is usual at the beginning of most relationships). Both of us had several relationships (and one marriage each).

However, from the very beginning, I knew she was in a long term relationship with someone else. She never hid that from me. But she broke up with guy few weelks later. Nevertheless, she kept telling me her heart belongs to him while spending nights in my bed. We went for an amazing holiday, spent two weeks in tropical paradise and had the time of our lives (both of us can't stop talking about it).

However, soon after our return to our post, I could sense that she wanted some distance from me. But in the context where we live and work, it is impossible.

We mutualy agreed to split up (i.e. stop having sex) and remain good friends. But we continued hugging, kissing, and even had sex once since the break up.

Now she is talking of going for vacation with her long term bf, and although he knows all about us, he aparently does not care. None of my business in any case. However, I am dying of envy..jealousy, and you name it.

We had a talk yesterday about our behavior. We decided to stop hugging, kissing, and being too intimate. It was my initiative in the first place, but she agreed. Now I regret my decision. I miss her terribly. If I were back in civilization, I would know what to do. Cut contact, delete facebook, seek friends, get drunk... Basicaly get distracted.

Here however, that is impossible, and it will stay like that for the next four months.

Reddit, I need some advice on how to cope with this. How to distract myself while spending 24hrs with a person I am terribly in love with, but is not in love with me.

tl.dr.: broke up with a person I spend 24hrs although I am crazy about her but she loves someone else.

Haifisch posted:

I (m37) and my ex GF (f35) broke up after very passionate three months. But we are forced to live and work together. i.e. I have to spend 24hrs a day with her and it is killing me.

LadyPictureShow posted:

When I checked it, there were no comments, and with a lot of missing information, there's a few possibilities

1) dude preyed on the woman financially, committed her twice in some attempt to try and have grounds for an annulment, evil plot to keep these assets by showing 'well, she's mentally unfit!'

2) She is having a complete psychotic break and there are no horses and this whole thing is a result of delusions/persecution complex and the husband realized belatedly he signed up for zero of this

3) both are true and it's a garbage person preying on a mentally unwell woman

This is just bananas, but at the same time, a friend of my boyfriend posts long disjointed posts on FB at times; completely out of touch with actual reality. The latest was that everyone was keeping 'something' from him that happened in CO and erased all evidence to gently caress with him, he knew the grim reaper was real because he had seen 'him', and that he KNOWS he isn't 'schizophrenic or anything' he has 'psychokinesis'.

So, horrible controlling gaslighting, or someone losing all touch with reality? Choose your own adventure! (I really want to see updates/comments on that thread)

Haifisch posted:

I (m37) and my ex GF (f35) broke up after very passionate three months. But we are forced to live and work together. i.e. I have to spend 24hrs a day with her and it is killing me.

Pivotal Lever posted:

A serial stalker active for 5 years and capable of planting malware on devices and physical cameras/microphones or a fiancee with borderline personality disorder?

quote:

u/Sazzyguns
It started when I moved out of my hometown for an 8 month work internship. I came to a town where I knew no one and most of my coworkers were married adults that I couldn't hang out with. I then found one coworker, let's call him John, that was near my age and and very friendly and willing to help me meet people in the area and show me around town. He also helped me at work and helped me get into good projects and learn new things.

We became good friends. His mom works as HR manager in the company and I started doing volunteering on weekends with her. His uncle is my boss and CEO of the company who offered me the job. His entire family are some of the nicest people I've ever met and have gone through so much effort to help me get this job and make me feel welcome and comfortable once here.

After a few months of working here my family came to visit for a few months for vacation, and I noticed my younger siblings would some days get bored and miss our hometown. So, I contacted John and we would make plans to go to the movies or trips to nearby towns and theme-parks so that my little brother and sister could have fun. He would drive us all the way and my parents would come along too. During this time I noticed John was getting uncomfortably close to my sister, but my parents didn't notice. At one point he even got her number and started texting her.

At first it seemed like he cared about her and the problems she was facing in high school with bullying and so I was glad he was trying to contribute, but after some time I realized it was too close to be normal. One particular night, we went out for dinner and I invited my relative who's 19, but he's autistic so he has the mind of a child. During the night this relative kept calling my sister beautiful and then put his hand on my sister's leg. John was extremely annoyed and when he saw this he yelled at the guy to intimidate him and threatened to beat the poo poo out of the guy.

The next night I confronted John and told him he was getting too close to my sister and that he needs to not try to act as her brother. He agreed and apologized and it ended on good terms.

This was a few weeks ago. Since then we've gone out for activities with him a few more times and he was still always very close and flirty with my sister. Then, the other night my sister reveals he had texted her saying he could show her how what a real man is like and was asking her to sneak out of the house to meet up with him. He was saying things like "Your brother will kill me if he finds out haha". For weeks he had been suggesting sexual things with her.

I am completely disgusted by this. I still can't believe he said this and has been going behind my back. I spoke with my parents and they were extremely disgusted by this as well, but they said that since they are leaving in one week with my siblings it's not worth confronting John and that I should just wait until my sister leaves and then she'll never contact him again.

On the one hand, I still have to work with this guy and most of his family for months. On the other hand, every time I see him I'm disgusted as I am reminded that he, as a 25 year old, made sexual advances on my FIFTEEN year old sister behind my back after I confronted him not to.

Please, I really don't know what to do and it's a big stress on my shoulders every day that I think about. What do I do?

tl;dr: My 25 year old coworker who has been my close friend has been making sexual advances on my 15 year old sister behind my back. What do I do?

quote:

u/merugold
I was born in USSR, and after the fall of communism the entire country went from okay-bad to very-bad, very quickly. Nobody had any food, poverty and crime was suddenly everywhere. Our family lost basically everything and we moved to a bad neighborhood. My brother got into a lot of bad stuff, and when I was 19 there was a break in by men trying to find my brother, and I took a knife and managed to stab one of the men who broke in repeatedly until he fell over and died. I did not want to at first, it was not the first break in, but he had made moves at me like he wanted to assault me.

It was a very, very traumatizing experience which was cleared as self defense by the courts (not like there was much of a good justice system back then). The case made local news and everything, and I was sort of seen as a mini hero to the community, which was definitely weird because I can think of about a dozen cases where gangsters killed women and got away with it in that area. I never knew why I got attention from newspapers who painted me in a certain light which was not correct. They acted like I was proud that I stood up to evil men, but in reality I was scared and traumatized by the entire situation.

Anyways, I moved to America years ago thankfully and have a degree and am working as a nurse. I met this man, michael, an american born man, and we fell in love and he asked to marry me 5 months ago.

I have never told him the story of how I killed a man, it has always been a very dark secret. I very much do not come off like the type of person to have done something like that, I am a fun girl, not a serious type of person. The few people I have told mostly found out by googling my name and finding the one article that was written about me, and then they confronted me. It was so difficult to explain, it shattered their perception of me completely. They saw me as cold and distant suddenly, or like I was some traumatized battle hardened warrior or some bullshit like that. So I've come to the realization that I have to tell my fiance, for he might just find out regardless somehow.

How do I do this? How do I do this without him thinking of me differently as a person? Its hard to describe how I have presented myself to people in America, a lot of people think me as very innocent and sort of goofy but that is more just my sense of humor. I literally remember asking one of my friends what they would think if I murdered someone, and they told me "you are like, THE LEAST likely out of our friend group to murder someone" and it just made me feel worse about revealing this. In reality I went through an atrociously violent childhood in Russia and USSR that I try to keep under the wraps to most people. Me and my fiance have discussed my life under USSR, that is easy and simple because life was easy and simple there, its what came after the fall of the USSR which is hard. How do I tell him that men with AK's have shot at our car, that I have ran into dead bodies lying in the street before, that I have killed a man? It must all seem so foreign to him.

tl;dr: I need to tell my fiance sooner or later that in my home country of Russia, I have killed a man before in self defense.

Milotic posted:

Aw yeah, rel is back to the good stuff:

How do I (39F) tell my fiance (34M) I have killed a man (in self defense)? I feel like this something he should know before we get married, but I am not sure how to bring it up.

Milotic posted:

Aw yeah, rel is back to the good stuff:

How do I (39F) tell my fiance (34M) I have killed a man (in self defense)? I feel like this something he should know before we get married, but I am not sure how to bring it up.

quote:

So my boyfriend and I have been togehter 8 months now, and it's been great and lovey dovey and whatnot. It feels different than my previous relationships, in a very good way. The relationship itself is strong and there's a lot of love. I just need help sorting through this issue!

Now he's started at a university half an hour by train away from me. He currently travels every day (we do not live together though), so he's away most of the day. In the evening, he is either tired because he gets up at 6, or he is busy with homework, as the first few weeks are packed (it's an engineering course, so, if I understand it correctly, there's a lot to "map down" in the beginning). Basically, he doesn't have time to meet. Neither does he text or call during the day.

It's SO hard for me, because my uni hasn't begun the semester yet, so I'm basically at home all day, and I'm not used to the quiet. We used to have a lot of contact. In my head, I'm thinking "If he cares, he should at least take a bit of his time to text?", while, at the same time, I know it's intense and I know he shouldn't be that guy in the corner texting or whatever. It's a new world to him, and I understand that he's busy exploring it! But still, I can't help feeling bummed out that he doesn't even hide away for five minutes in a break or something and just call to say hi or something.

Tonight, there's a party for the new students, and he'll sleep on the couch of one of his class mates. I'm already dreading it, because I know I won't hear a word from him. And I feel awful, because I know he isn't texting because he's having fun!

I already told him last week that I don't really enjoy this distance and that I'd appreciate him taking some time to talk to me. He says he understand, but also that I knew this would happen once he started the new school. Sure, but it doesn't really make it any easier.

Then, a few days ago, he said he is considering moving there next semester. It just kind of breaks my heart, because I was rather hoping he'd consider moving with me instead. I still can't help being all supportive and "Sure, you should do it, it's way less hassle and you can focus more on studies" and "Well, nothing's keeping you here!" (to which he replied "There's this one person though!").

What I'm trying to ask is, does any of you have any advice? I'm not sure how to handle this. On one hand, I try so hard to be supportive and happy for him that he gets to study what he likes, but, on the other, it's taking it's toll on me as well. I just need some help on how to process and handle this.

Thank you in advance!

TLDR; BF started new school, taking a lot of his time. He doesn't speak with me besides the bare minimum, and me, not having anything to do during these days before my school begins, struggle with feeling insignificant because he doesn't have time for me. Need help how to handle it rationally.

Buzkashi posted:

Me [23 F] with my boyfriend [23 M] of 8 months, he started new school 30 mins away, and I struggle with the new situation.


Holy poo poo get a loving hobby

Milotic posted:

gently caress, these are awful parents.

I just found out that my [21 M] friend and coworker [25 M] has been making sexual advances on my 15 year old sister. What do I do.

quote:

I don't remember exactly what I said today on snapchat, because there have been a large number of distractions effecting my life as of late. Namely, I am being extorted by someone who I thought was a close friend and she is using my cats as leverage

Nifft posted:

quote:

I don't remember exactly what I said today on snapchat, because there have been a large number of distractions effecting my life as of late. Namely, I am being extorted by someone who I thought was a close friend and she is using my cats as leverage

Buzkashi posted:

Me [23 F] with my boyfriend [23 M] of 8 months, he started new school 30 mins away, and I struggle with the new situation.


Holy poo poo get a loving hobby

Outrail posted:

He's a loving moron, but who of us here wouldn't do the same if they were trapped with a hottie for weeks at a time with no other options? At some point we all become morons.

Buzkashi posted:

Me [23 F] with my boyfriend [23 M] of 8 months, he started new school 30 mins away, and I struggle with the new situation.


Holy poo poo get a loving hobby

quote:

My [28F] husband [30M] seems to have some mental issue around food and I can't figure out what it is.Relationships
submitted 4 minutes ago by iwinatanxiety

I know, I know: "therapy." I'm in therapy and totally see the benefits but my husband doesn't want to seek it for himself and you can lead a horse to water, but, yeah. Also before anyone says "Well threaten to leave him if he doesn't seek therapy" that's absurd because this issue isn't such a big deal that I would ever divorce him over it and I don't believe in hollow threats.
I'm mostly just fascinated/curious as to why he behaves the way he does. It's not all bad, but it's definitely unusual. Does anyone here have a similar issue? It seems like he has some kind of obsessive compulsive control issue around food (and I have OCD so I understand) but he denies anything being unusual. He just thinks he's a really enthusiastic foodie. Some points:
As a child, he never wanted his parents to have his friends over for dinner because he didn't want to "waste food on them." (They were upper middle class and had no trouble affording food.)
When we first started dating, 9 years ago, he refused to eat anything with fat in it. I chalked this up to him just being a fitness nut.
He gets annoyed when other people order things he thinks are bad choices because he won't want to share with them (and during any dinner he wants to share with everyone)
His 65 year old mother still gives him half her food whenever they eat out.
On one of our first dates he got mad at me that I ordered a burrito and didn't give him part of it. Since then he told me it's important that he always take a "tax" from whatever I order so he can eat some. It doesn't matter if we ordered the same thing. I asked him why this is so important to him and he said "It's just one of my quirks, deal with it." It's not a huge deal but it's definitely weird.
If we go out with other people, he needs to pick the restaurant.
He dreads seeing my father because he picks bad restaurants and doesn't listen to my husband's recommendations.
He doesn't do this anymore, but he used to tell me what to eat- usually remarking on the fat content. (I'm a size 2, so I have no reason to want to lose weight.) Once he realized this offended me he stopped doing it.
He gets annoyed if I order something without meat in it. He can't have a meal without meat.
I made him an omelette when we first started dating. When he realized I used real eggs instead of egg whites, he told me he was "allergic to yolks" and that I had poisoned him. He then went into the bathroom and pretended to throw up. Later he admitted it was just a preference and apologized for upsetting me and lying.
I make homemade aioli once a week and he needs to put a piece of jalepeno in it, even if it's too small for us to taste, and even if it clashes with everything else in the aioli.
He wants to come with me every time I go grocery shopping to "give input."
If he is in charge of picking a restaurant or deciding what to order, he will be unable to sleep thinking about it the next day.
He looks at menus ahead of time before going to a restaurant and agrees on a "game plan" with me and makes me promise not to deviate from the ordering game plan after hearing the specials.
I'm throwing a party soon, and even though it's primarily my party (obviously he's invited but it's mostly my thing) he wants to "give input" into what's served. He has high cholesterol and doesn't want any food options to be available that he can't eat. He said serving pate or a cheese plate would be "offensive and rude" to him, even if there are plenty of options he can eat.
When I cook, especially for guests, he micromanages and asks me "are you sure you're supposed to cook that long?" or "Are you sure this has enough seasonings?" For the record, I'm a VERY good cook and everyone knows it.
He can never decide on which restaurant to go. In the past, he's spent all night trying to figure it out, picked a restaurant, and left as soon as we got the menus to go to another restaurant.
I love him dearly and for a while I regarded this as, like he says, a "funny little quirk." I'm just wondering and honestly very curious what is going on with him. I understand he really likes food but this really doesn't seem normal to me. I'm not trying to be judgmental because I suffer from mental illness but I would like it if he could at least admit that this is not just a "personality type"?
tl;dr: My husband has some bizarre obsession with food- I don't really mind it, but I wish he admitted it was beyond "part of his personality."

Outrail posted:

The only answer is go cold turkey and mad with envy or... since the other guy doesn't seem to care, pretend you're poly and/or a cuck just keep plowing her until the job is over, then sever and move on.

He's a loving moron, but who of us here wouldn't do the same if they were trapped with a hottie for weeks at a time with no other options? At some point we all become morons.

Pick posted:

I actually did, and managed to not gently caress a guy who had been a Banana Republic model while at a remote outpost, because I was in love w/ Hugh at the time, and I genuinely regret not loving that guy because he was pretty cool and insanely hot.

almightyerin posted:

Food tax lmao. What a loon.

almightyerin posted:

I can't do that with my kid. He somehow renders food inedible if it's in his vicinity. I don't know how he does it.

almightyerin posted:

Food tax lmao. What a loon.

quote:

Fiancé and I have been together two years. I'm seven months pregnant and still experiencing morning sickness so I haven't gained much weight, about seven pounds so far. Most of my doctors have been pushing me to gain more weight if possible but baby is healthy and active and they have said they aren't truly worried as long as I'm eating as much as I can and taking my prenatals. My fiancé on the other hand, is a different story. In the first trimester when I was extremely sick his help was amazing. He was always finding different morning sickness remedies, taking me to dr appointments, if I had a craving no matter what time he would go out and get whatever I wanted. But about half way through my second trimester I saw a new doctor and she told us the baby was looking a little small and that I needed to pack on some more pounds. Fiancé flipped, he has started pushing me to eat extremely by the book which is more than I can physically handle. If we spend the entire day together he will pull out the servings chart the doctor who said I need to gain more weight gave us and will say something along the lines of "you haven't eaten enough of X today. Try to eat some of that". If we spend the day apart he will call me and ask exactly what I've eaten so far. He says if I throw up after eating (which happens often) I need to load up my plate and try again. The worst part is when we went to see that doctor again she agreed with him! Even though I still hadn't gained as much weight as she wanted (because of all the vomiting I'll bet). It's physically taxing, I feel constantly sick and stuffed. I honestly felt so much better when I "wasn't eating enough" but he is so used to seeing women in my stage of pregnancy being much bigger than me and he is so worried his baby isn't going to be healthy that it causes him major anxiety if I don't stick to the diet plan. I've made sure not to schedule any more appointments with that specific doctor and I've tried explaining to him that every woman in my family has been tiny their first pregnancy (even though I've been the tiniest so far) and that the baby is getting exactly what they need from me no matter what. I don't want him to be scared but I also can't keep vomiting or I'll go insane. I need a way to convince him to back off. Is there any way I can ease his anxiety? TL;DR An OB I saw two whole times during my pregnancy convinced my fiancé that I haven't gained enough weight and that my baby is underweight and now he won't stop feeding me more than I can handle. EDIT: Sorry I fudged up and miscommunicated. It's only one doctor who I've seen twice while my usual was away telling me I need to stuff myself and that my baby is small. My usual doctor who I've been with most of my pregnancy tells me to eat as much and and healthy as possible and that my baby is perfectly healthy. EDIT2: I called him a feeder because he likes to joke like he's turned on when I eat big portions. It's a joke we have. Sorry if you clicked on this expecting something sexy but pls stop yelling at me.

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

don't date food weirds pt. XXXVI

Demon Of The Fall posted:

the food tax is something I do with my 4 year old lmao, although I call it "dad tax"

30 Goddamned Dicks posted:

That sounds beyond just food weird into the territory of narcissistic and overbearing. Especially the bit about making any food related anything ALL ABOUT MEEEEEE. I'm curious if this dude has any more poo poo like this in that relationship.

Dienes posted:

He's grooming her to be his replacement mom.

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

Don't date people with no hobbies







Ever

30 Goddamned Dicks posted:

That sounds beyond just food weird into the territory of narcissistic and overbearing. Especially the bit about making any food related anything ALL ABOUT MEEEEEE. I'm curious if this dude has any more poo poo like this in that relationship.