Admiral Ray posted:

Jesus I can't imagine how loving brutal it would be to have a horrific past and then get pushed out of your relationship because your boyfriend decided he wanted to gently caress his sister instead of you.

Barudak posted:

Good news, if you wait for an update you wont have to imagine.

quote:

I was having some problems at university so was allowed a generous extension on my dissertation meaning I only handed it in two weeks ago and won't find out if I've passed my degree until mid September. Because of this I have not yet applied for any jobs (but I have had a look at what was out there) and have instead decided to do retail work until January when I can (hopefully) start a graduate training scheme.

My mum has been a little passive aggressive about this to my face, making noises, giving me guides on entering the corporate world and talking about gaps in cvs looking bad, but never outright said to me that she disagrees with my choice. However I was at her house the other day (I live with my boyfriend using money I saved from my last job) when I overheard her on the phone to my gran talking about me not having a job yet and my mother said 'she's just so lazy, I don't understand where she gets it from, her dad and I work so hard'.

I'm quite hurt by that as I don't think I'm a lazy person and I think it's reasonable to take a short break after completing something as stressful as a degree, I know we disagree and that's fine but I don't think it's ok to insult me over this and so I don't want to speak to my mother about job hunting anymore. My mother will not take this well however, and I am prone to reacting badly in these situations so I am asking for help with a script that I can use if it comes up. I was thinking of saying 'I overheard you call me lazy to gran and whilst you are entitled to your opinion I'm am hurt and so do not wish to talk to you about this subject'. But I'm not sure what to say if she pushes or gets emotional.

Tl;Dr my mother thinks I'm lazy for not having applied to jobs for two weeks after I graduate, I need a script to tell her that I don't want to talk to her about it because we disagree.

some shiftless piece of poo poo posted:

whilst

quote:

'I overheard you call me lazy to gran and whilst you are entitled to your opinion I'm am hurt and so do not wish to talk to you about this subject

another piece of poo poo posted:

please do the needful.

Vargatron posted:

Are you talking to your mother or the Senior Corporate Accountant, jfc what is wrong with you?

areyoucontagious posted:

Your mom is right about you, too.

Admiral Ray posted:

If that had been a lovely windows machine he'd never get it stolen. Stop buying nice things and people won't steal nice things. Your sister needs to break up with him because he's an idiot. You never steal obvious high price items like that from a family member's house, at best you go after the loose change bowl, maybe the hard candy bowl if you're being brave.

COMRADES posted:

from: dad.HR@household.com

subject: JOB SEARCH

Hello, certain actions have come to our attention that may construe liability on company's part if continued, please do the needful.

LGD posted:

the funniest part of this is describing any macbook as a "nice thing" at this point in time

e: oh wait I guess they did finally do a refresh in june, prior to that they hadn't been meaningfully updated since 2012

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

yeah there's some parts of the story that don't add up, like an engineer not making it painfully clear to everyone in earshot at all times that apple products are best likened to a week-old roadkill full of turds

sleepwalkers posted:

fruit on the bottom posted:

I [21F] overhead my mother [52F] insulting me because of my choices for after university. I need help with a script if this comes up.

LadyPictureShow posted:

Does 'dissertation' mean something else in the (I'm assuming) U.K.? Or is that a typo and she's 31 and wrapping up a dissertation?

Follow up question, how do you not know whether or not you passed yet if either one is the case?!

fruit on the bottom posted:

I [21F] overhead my mother [52F] insulting me because of my choices for after university. I need help with a script if this comes up.

The_end posted:

Remind your mother that you will be the one to choose her retirement home.

quote:

When I was 22 I was told by my endocrinologist that I wasn't going to be having any babies due to a major hormone imbalance and malfunctioning ovaries. I believed her too because I get my period 1 or 2 times a year on a good year and at the time of my diagnoses only had my period maybe 8 times max since I first started it at age 11.

Even so, I went on oral contraceptive right after my diagnosis as it is my primary therapy for my hormonal imbalance. I have been on it ever since.

I dont ever remember not wanting to be a mother. I guess the desire has always been there. I went through all the stages of grief when I was told "no babies" and ultimately I thought I had fully accepted it.

When I was first told about my diagnosis, I was in a longish term relationship with a boy I had met at university. We were together a couple of years and had already started to talk about marriage and kids. We both wanted them and when we learned that we were unlikely to ever be able to conceive, we painfully went our separate ways after a few months. It was an incredibly difficult time in my life. I dont know if many of you have experience with infertility but how it made me feel was incredibly worthless. Like my body was malfuntioning and deserved to be thrown away. It took quite a bit of time and therapy for me to embrace my new life path and meeting and being with Danny has really helped with that.

Danny was not only ok with me being infertile - he was thrilled! He doesnt hate kids or anything, he is great with my nieces and nephews but he has never wanted children or any long term responsibility even. We don't even have a goldfish. His job has very irregular hours and scheduling so he could be crunching on a project for 5 weeks straight and only leaving the office to sleep and shower but for the next three months we will be in Vietnam or Germany travelling and drinking and meeting amazing people. It has truly been a fabulous life we have been spending together. I am honestly gutted about the mess I have gotten myself into now.

Like, I said I am on BC for the hormone therapy but I am not religously regular about it like you are supposed to be. I rarely ever miss a day but it is not uncommon for me to take one in the morning one day and the next day forget about it until dinnertime. I know its wrong but I honestly didnt think pregnancy was something I had to be scared of. But that was obviously not true as I have recently fallen pregnant.

Danny is not pleased. I do not know how to feel. My gut tells me that I need to keep this child. That this is a tiny miracle. This is my only chance at ever being a mother and if I throw it away I will wither away with regret for the rest of my life.

But I know how unfair it is to make this decision for Danny. I know that the only way to keep our relationship anywhere near what it is today would be to abort this pregnancy.

I know an option would be to leave him and be a single mother and I know I could pull it off but I dont think Danny would let me do that. He is an only child and his parents are pretty family oriented (they are wonderful) and he doesnt think they will respect him or forgive him if he "abandons their grandchild" . He is practically begging me to abort, to respect the goals we set together and to consider the ramifications of having a baby with someone so ill-equipped to deal with it.

I offered to just leave and cut off contact so they would never know but 8 years is a long relationship to lie about to your parents and I don't think he could lie to his parents about something like that anyway. He is honestly an amazing man. I truly love and admire him. He has never let me down ever and now I feel that the one thing I can do to not let him down almost feels impossible for me to do .

If I keep this baby, what are some of the steps I can take to navigate this peacefully with Danny? Do I have any possibility of a future with him? Should I even keep this baby? I have been through the infertility grieving process once... I have already been in a place of child-free acceptance, do you think it is possible for me to get there again?

tl;dr:Thought I was infertile but I got pregnant with a man who does not want children. What is the best way to move forward?

tactlessbastard posted:

Is that such a grim threat over on the stabby isles?

quote:

I know an option would be to leave him and be a single mother and I know I could pull it off but I dont think Danny would let me do that. He is an only child and his parents are pretty family oriented (they are wonderful) and he doesnt think they will respect him or forgive him if he "abandons their grandchild" . He is practically begging me to abort, to respect the goals we set together and to consider the ramifications of having a baby with someone so ill-equipped to deal with it.

Haifisch posted:

I [32F] am in a bit of a pickle regarding my longterm boyfriend [34M] of 8 years and an unexpected baby

Haifisch posted:

I [32F] am in a bit of a pickle regarding my longterm boyfriend [34M] of 8 years and an unexpected baby

fruit on the bottom posted:

I [21F] overhead my mother [52F] insulting me because of my choices for after university. I need help with a script if this comes up.

maskenfreiheit posted:

enters into a relationship with a guy who doesn't want kids, gets pregnant, refuses to abort, and is now sad? zero sympathy!

Pick posted:

A baby will love you, a man never will.

Haifisch posted:

I [32F] am in a bit of a pickle regarding my longterm boyfriend [34M] of 8 years and an unexpected baby

Pick posted:

A baby will love you, a man never will.

Pick posted:

A baby will love you, a man never will.

quote:

Hello

I am posting to update whoever replied to me with their support and advice last week when I posted about my pregnancy.

Danny and I saw a therapist together on Monday to help mediate on how to move forward. The therapist had much of the same advice many of you were giving me.

Essentially she said she couldn't ethically convince me to abort against my own wishes. She could only help to facilitate the dialogue between us. Which I was really grateful for because before her I was communicating my feelings about this with Danny with an overtone of guilt and I think that was really affecting Danny's understanding of my real feelings of joy.

So to avoid making this a novella like my last post, I have decided to move forward with this pregnancy. I decided it during our therapy session on Monday. I know I cant terminate and so I wont. I knew since I took my first prenatal vitamin. I understand this is not ideal for Danny and I made my final apology to him on Monday. It was sincere. I truly regret his feelings about all of this but I am not going to taint the beginning of my child's life with guilt.

Danny and I are still together, we haven't made any plans to separate at least for now. We have made plans about how we are going to co-parent though and to be honest I am feeling pretty optimistic about it. We own our house together and I own a duplex a few blocks away that we rent out for extra income. So in the summer, after the current leases expire we think we will probably move into one of the units and Danny will move into the upper unit and we will rent out our house. This way he can be with us when he wants and be away from us (but close) when needs to be. We will lose a bit of money this way, but babies cost money right?

We are going to approach co parenting in such a way that I will be the primary caregiver and take on the brunt of the load and Danny can play whatever role he is able to for the first three or four years. The time limit is for the baby's benefit. I am hoping that after a couple years we naturally fall into a healthy and stable arrangement but if not we will cross that bridge when we get to it. But ultimately, our child will need stability and an understanding of his Daddy's place in his life.

We have decided to not make any decisions about things beforehand based on how we might feel. We are going to take things really slowly and feel them out. We are not going to leave each other based on any potential feelings or outcomes. We are going to wait until we actually experience them first. I think we can pull it off if we are both honest and understanding about our own and each others needs and feelings. A bit optimistic yeah, but its hard not to be right now.

So right now, I am glowing. The fact that I get to keep both Danny and my baby seems too good to be true. And I realize that it might be. I understand he can change his mind or our relationship with buckle under the pressure of all of this but that is future me's problem. Present me is enjoying the moment.

I want to thank everyone for their overwhelming amount of support and kind words. The amount of PMs I received was incredible. Thank you for sharing your experiences and encouragement with me. I read every single message and appreciated every single reply.

I also appreciate people who supported Danny's view in all of this. It was important to me that his side was represented. I know it feels like I don't care about him or his feelings but I really do. Its just that it wasn't enough. I realize that makes me seem hateful and selfish but I'm not. I am just being realistic about what I am capable of emotionally. I cant be that self-sacrificing - not without long term damage.

tl;dr Keeping baby. Keeping boyfriend

LGD posted:

the funniest part of this is describing any macbook as a "nice thing" at this point in time

e: oh wait I guess they did finally do a refresh in june, prior to that they hadn't been meaningfully updated since 2012

Pick posted:

A baby will love you, a man never will.

Haifisch posted:

Turns out miracle baby OP had some updates:
[update] I [32f] am in a bit of a pickle regarding my longterm boyfriend [34m] of 8 years and an unexpected baby.


And the body of this one has been deleted, but:
(Update 2) Several months and one baby later we are still making it work

PetraCore posted:

See! Middle ground!

WampaLord posted:

You could have adopted, if you really wanted kids with that first dude.

Pick posted:

A baby will love you, a man never will.

Haifisch posted:

Also a lot of people really, really care about having biological kids, or have a blind spot for the possibility of adopting. Even OP did, judging by her 'I can't get pregnant so I can never have kids ever' reaction.