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Tokyo Sexwale
Jul 30, 2003

That should be easy, medical school is pocket change so he should have no problem re-imbursing her for the expense

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ArbitraryC
Jan 28, 2009
Pick a number, any number
Pillbug
Though he hasn't considered the third path, there's really no laws regarding infidelity in america anymore so he could simply cheat as moral arguments concerning ethics outside of strict legality are basically pointless.

Admiral Ray
May 17, 2014

Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

maskenfreiheit posted:

Younger sister, [16/f], is dating a significantly older man [27/m]. What should I do? Thoughts?

Kill the man, kill your family.

Blade Runner
Aug 14, 2015

Jokes aside, that really is a tough situation. On the one hand, it's hosed up to leave someone who helped you through so much after 21 years of being together; on the other, if he's just not happy and his kids are mature enough for it not to effect their development, it's hard to advocate him staying somewhere he just isn't happy. That age gap is a little weird, too; he was 21 to her 35 when they got together.

cumshitter
Sep 27, 2005

by Fluffdaddy
If you get caught sucking off someone else while crashing at a friends place is it better if you say "heh buddeh down worry i gah you neff?"

Admiral Ray
May 17, 2014

Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

cumshitter posted:

If you get caught sucking off someone else while crashing at a friends place is it better if you say "heh buddeh down worry i gah you neff?"

Yes. The only reason people dislike public sex is because they know you didn't bring enough sex for everyone.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

cumshitter posted:

If you get caught sucking off someone else while crashing at a friends place is it better if you say "heh buddeh down worry i gah you neff?"

If you imagine they were cupcakes, then yes, obviously.




( just kidding, cupcakes go in the trash )

cumshitter
Sep 27, 2005

by Fluffdaddy

Admiral Ray posted:

Yes. The only reason people dislike public sex is because they know you didn't bring enough sex for everyone.

That's probably the real reason that 365 days of loving dude's friends were pissed at him.

ArbitraryC
Jan 28, 2009
Pick a number, any number
Pillbug

David Heinrich posted:

Jokes aside, that really is a tough situation. On the one hand, it's hosed up to leave someone who helped you through so much after 21 years of being together; on the other, if he's just not happy and his kids are mature enough for it not to effect their development, it's hard to advocate him staying somewhere he just isn't happy. That age gap is a little weird, too; he was 21 to her 35 when they got together.

Yeah I mean if we're being serious then an amicable divorce where he doesn't fight alimony and such after they've already raised their kids is like the absolute best case scenario you could ask for an older couple drifting apart, it's a bit sad but completely understandable and not really wrong.

Contextually the genders in this case just sorta make it funny cause dude basically needed a bangmom while he got on his feet and is moving on now that he doesn't need her anymore.

comedy result is within a year he gets hitched with a late 20's/early 30's gal and his motives become significantly more obvious.

MF_James
May 8, 2008
I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

maskenfreiheit posted:

lol ok whatevs, let's move on:

Me [25F] with my boyfriend [31 M] of 2 years, how can I make him understand that crying isn't a sign of weaknessRelationships (self.relationships)


She could be the kind of person that cries over everything, but yeah this dudes a deuche.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
I (17/F) blocked a guy from my school (16/M) on Facebook for personal reasons and now he's upset about it.Non-Romantic
3 points 19 comments submitted 5 hours ago by theflowerchild16 to r/relationships

So, I really do not know how to explain my situation. I guess I'll start by saying that this kid is autistic and v i o l e n t. He gets uncontrollably angry, is constantly making suicide threats, it's just...crazy. I've known the kid since I started high school band at my school (When I started you were brought in in the 7th grade to to get used to the swing of things and plus I go to a really small school.) I'm a senior now. Anyways, he's always had a temper that he can't really control. I understand that some children on the higher end of the autism spectrum sometimes have anger issues. Some are worse than others. My sister is autistic, but shes on the low end, so I guess you can say I haven't really had my fair share of high ended autistic kids. Maybe this is why I can't handle the kid and why he gives me severe anxiety every time I'm around him (he's a ticking time bomb. If you say the wrong thing, get on to him in the slightest, he'll blow up and won't stop. That kind of thing.) and why I try to avoid him at all costs. It's kind of hard to do that though, I'm his section leader in band...

ANYWAYS, I'm sorry, I love to ramble. My problem is, is that I have a lot of family on my Facebook. I live in the South. You can probably imagine that my grandparents and relatives don't want to see cuss words or inappropriate things shared on my timeline. I try my best to check everything before I share it (usernames on the tumblr posts, headlines, titles, facebook page names, etc.) so that I don't stir up trouble with my family. I'm also gonna start looking for a job soon so I'm really making sure that I don't have anything with inappropriate content/words on it.

Well, this kid also has a Facebook (like most people do nowadays, lol) and he's very vulgar at times and can get in angry tangents in his posts and also, on other peoples posts! Mine included! So, I shared something I found pretty interesting (The dates of all of the hurricanes we've had. They're all around the same date!) and this kid commented "What the sht is going on." I explained to him that I can't have cursing on my page and that I was going to delete his comment. I did. A few minutes after deleting the comment, I receive a text message from him. It reads, "Oh, so you're turning your page into a Christian server so there's no swearing. K cool it's whatever *insert a laughing emoji" I replied back "No, I'm doing this because I have family members on Facebook that will get on to ME for something somebody said or did. Sorry if you don't like it. Maybe you should stay off of my page then." After I sent the message, I immediately blocked him from Facebook and messenger so he couldn't send me messages.

He then goes on to make a public status to my mother asking her to talk to me and say that he's sorry. Let me tell you something, this is not the first time I've had to block/delete this kid from my social media. He's had several accounts deleted because of his vulgarity. He makes public posts about other people at our school, using full names and saying that basically they're gonna regret ever messing with him.

One of my friend sees and send me a screenshot of the post. I explain to her the situation and she says she would have done the same (block him.)

I come back to school today and he's all red faced (from crying I take..?) and he's pretty snappy with everybody. He tries to say he's sorry and I just cut him off and say that basically no matter what he says is gonna gain him a spot back on my Facebook. I told him I didn't like what he posted on Facebook anyways (because of his anger and relentless cussing.) He said because he feels bad about what he did, he deleted his Facebook. I immediately got a headache. I told him that he shouldn't have done that, that just because I wasn't gonna be on his Facebook that it didn't mean he had to delete it. He then proceeded to talk down about himself, calling himself names. I told him he shouldn't be doing that because he isn't any of the things he's calling himself.

I don't know how to feel about this. The kid deleted his Facebook because I blocked him. I just.. I don't know. Am I an a**hole? I talked to my friends and my boyfriend about it and they all said that they would have done the same thing too and that they don't blame me. I just want ya'll's personal opinion. Was I wrong for blocking him? Am I a buttwipe? Or would you do the same thing?

tl;dr: I blocked an autistic kid with anger issues on my Facebook for swearing on my Facebook post (parents and family don't want vulgar language on my Facebook of any kind) and now he's really upset about it. This isn't the first time I've had to block/delete him off of social media. Am I an a**hole for doing it?

Blade Runner
Aug 14, 2015

ArbitraryC posted:

Yeah I mean if we're being serious then an amicable divorce where he doesn't fight alimony and such after they've already raised their kids is like the absolute best case scenario you could ask for an older couple drifting apart, it's a bit sad but completely understandable and not really wrong.

Contextually the genders in this case just sorta make it funny cause dude basically needed a bangmom while he got on his feet and is moving on now that he doesn't need her anymore.

comedy result is within a year he gets hitched with a late 20's/early 30's gal and his motives become significantly more obvious.

I mean, that'd be more standard and it'd be a lot easier to dislike the guy for being a sitcom-esque jerk, but it just doesn't really seem like that. It's not like the dude got through med school and immediately left her for a 20 year old, they've been together a full 21 years. I think the length of time they've been together is what makes it seem less "I'm out idiot" to me.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
Me [15 M] with my good friend [15 M], I have stopped playing video games with my friend because he's an rear end in a top hat, is this ok/am I justified? (recent developments)Non-Romantic
2 points 5 comments submitted 22 days ago by YuviManBro to r/relationships

Alright, this is the first time I'm posting to a long post like this but here I go!

So some context first: This person, let's call him W, is a very nice good friend of mine IRL and we've spent probably over 1000 hours playing video games together since we became friends almost 5 years ago, but especially in 2015 after we transitioned from playing Minecraft to playing CS:GO. We are in multiple discord servers together.

I get excited about my good and sometimes my bad games in cs and want to talk about them with people so I post stuff about them in discord but people have recently been kinda hostile to my couple messages a day so I asked the admin to make a channel so I and whoever else cares can talk about games they have played recently, instead of having it happen in the general channel, so people who don't care can mute it.

This is where W comes in, calling me among other things autistic and selfish, and mocking my request saying that I just want to brag about my games in an echo chamber. I am admittedly the highest rank in our friend group, as W hasn't been able to play as much recently and I ranked up twice (we used to be the same rank). I blocked him after a short argument and told him that I am doing that. I was in CS after a game had ended later that day and he invited me to play a game (through steam). I declined and said that I don't want to play with you. He called me petty and then I said that's not petty and gave a couple lines trying to defend my position (aka you are being an rear end in a top hat and I don't want to play with you but worded nicer)

This is where it gets a little more intense, he puts a transcript of our steam messages on discord but leaves out my explanation and implies in between messages that im trying to punish him out of spite or something and that kinda pisses me off as I was being super civil and didn't want to be misunderstood by other members on the discord so I call him out on that for strawmanning and a third person, G comes in agreeing heavily with me. Now G has almost 100% stopped playing with our friend group as he doesn't like how tryhard we can get (opposite of me), and says that W is the reason he stopped playing as well and that he can be a big rear end in a top hat, strawmans a lot, etc. At this point I go to sleep and when i wake up in the morning I see they have argued on for a bit, but thats neither here nor there. Today I wrote a large message to W saying this, after he called me a bitch

I'm not being a bitch, I've just realised I don't enjoy constant insults for trying to do something good even if it was stupid... Also, I enjoy playing with you when were doing good but ur a P poo poo teammate when we're losing sometimes. Honesty idgaf about the game it's just you are always insulting people for no reason and I just don't like it so I thought to myself "why do I even play with him"

And the answer I told myself was because we are friends but then I thought why would my friend be so antagoNistic to me Online

But ok in real life...

And that leads back to why I'm ok hanging out irl but I don't want to play w/ u in game/online

Hope that clears it up

You don't have to like it but I just don't want to play with you given how toxic you can be to me and others


After this we argued a bunch more and he said that hes never an rear end in a top hat in game, and i responded with

Of course you'd say you aren't toxic, maybe because you don't realize when you are sometimes. Basically offense is taken not given so sometimes you might be joking but I take offense

And if that's the case then why would I force you to change

When I can just remove myself

From the equation

Do you get what I mean?

He said that he was just trying to help or something along those lines and I kinda got mad at him, as the only time he ever sent a message even remotely helpful on the discord situation was an hour after I blocked him, so ofcourse I wouldnt know what he said.

In the end after some more arguing I wrote this as a final conversation ender

You wanna talk about the game then? lets loving talk about the game. You tk and team damage and block me when im trying to get picks

andy does that last one too

and I blew up at him a couple years back and he stopped playing with me for partially that reason

I dont enjoy losing and tbh losing when playing with you is even more devastating because I know that we COULD have won

because you're good

but we didnt because u were fuckign around

We dont lose all that often but after a while even winning isnt fun with you because im always dying and getting gently caress tk'ed

and as i said before

I used to think its okay because we win but I have now decided to stop because its NOT FUN

and I play CS to have fun

and tbh i dont know why you are like this online but I wish you were as nice(ish) online as u were in person

because your not a bad person

u just become a massive rear end in a top hat online and always attack me for random poo poo on discord- and thats OK i guess sometimes but not all the loving time

I was even talking to C(another friend) and I asked him "am i being bad to W for not playing with him"

and he agreed

you could calm down and not be such an rear end in a top hat

and tbh other people might be fine with it but idk im just starting to give less fucks or something but I dont want to play with you if youre going to be like that with me

Am I wrong for not playing with him/being petty? I just dont enjoy being yelled at online and ive decided to try and remove myself from people I find toxic but should I instead try and mend the situation? What should i do? Some of my friends say that I should just calm down and deal with toxicity as its part of the game/who he is but I just dont want to deal with that.
tldr : Friend is an rear end in a top hat, should I not play with him even if it could affect our friendcircle and mess up relations with him who is ok in person?

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
Me [30F] with my wife[30F], I think she is addicted to the internet and is about to lose her job over itPersonal issues
605 points 88 comments submitted 1 month ago by fungusamonguses to r/relationships

Yesterday was a final straw for my wife's internet usage and when I tried to make it a discussion, she became hysterical and wouldn't speak to me.

She told me that she's received her final warning for 'excessive internet usage' at work. I said to her "final warning? how many have there been?" Two or three times in the past year. She usually spends her time on facebook, tumblr, amazon, forums, twitter, etc. Things I can definitely understand an employer not wanting to pay her for. "They don't give me enough work to do, and I told them that". Great.

She is late to her job every morning, no matter what her start time is. When she had a start time of 8am, she'd show up at 8:20. Her boss ended up changing her start time to just be at 8:15 am for her (very nice of him) but then she was just coming in at 8:30 or 8:45. Last month they changed her start time to 9am. I leave the house for work at 7 usually, so I assumed she was easily making it in by 9. Last week I was ill and worked remotely and saw that no-- she wasn't even leaving the house until her shift was about to begin. No matter what her start time is at her job, she's late.

Why is she late, you ask? Well, it's only a 20m drive so distance and traffic isn't the reason. Every morning, as soon as she blinks herself awake, she reaches to the nightstand for her cellphone. Facebook is usually the first thing she goes to. I'll say to her 'hey put the phone down and get ready' and she'll say "this is my routine, this is my routine, i have to do it". The problem is she'll lay in bed on her phone/Facebook for an hour or more every morning. By the time she puts the phone away, she's supposed to start her shift in 20 minutes and she hasn't even gotten out of bed or showered yet.

The addiction is now affecting our relationship. Can't even talk to her hardly anymore. She comes home from work, out comes the phone. I'll ask her a question 2, 3, 4, 5, times, and she never responds. It's like she's on another planet. If we try to watch a show? She's on her phone the whole time too, playing games or reading posts. I've begun to feel like an echo in my own home, almost like I live alone. I can't even remember the last time she wasn't staring at her screen and it's been getting so much worse.

Other than the phone usage, our relationship is good. We love each other dearly, care about each other immensely, and typically almost never argue. Now all of our arguments stem from me asking her to put the phone/internet down.

I've suggested she sees a therapist (many times) for her depression. She always agrees but never follows through. Last night I suggested "Why don't we deem 8pm-9pm for Social Media Time" and leave our phones away the rest of the evening. She was immediately incensed and snapped, "That's NOT going to help my depression." Her instant defensiveness is an obvious red flag that this is an addiction issue.

Any time I try to talk to her about this, she breaks down into hysterics or gets extremely mean towards me. I've tried multiple approaches, ranging from "I'm concerned for you" to "I'm worried about me" to "How can we realistically plan to raise a child if you can't even get to work on time like the rest of the world?"

I don't want to resent her but I'm starting to. Also to make note, she does fall on the autistic spectrum, which she employs often when I confront her ("I'm an aspie, i need my routine and can't possibly change it" or "I'm an aspie, I'm always late and that's never changing"). I'm trying to be understanding of mental limitations but these seem like problems that some simple time management could resolve.

What do I do? I feel like a stranger in my own home with my own wife, I'm terrified she will lose her job and she doesn't seem to care about keeping it, and I can't support us both on my income. Am I being insensitive like she claims? I don't want to be a bad wife, but I'm genuinely afraid this addiction is going to ruin her life and mine with it.

tl;dr: Wife is addicted to the internet and it's affecting her job and our relationship. I've suggested time management and therapy to help but am met with anger and derision, not sure what to do anymore.

Blade Runner
Aug 14, 2015

In order:

1) The internet was a mistake
2) The most teenage thing I've ever seen
3) See 1.

ArbitraryC
Jan 28, 2009
Pick a number, any number
Pillbug

David Heinrich posted:

I mean, that'd be more standard and it'd be a lot easier to dislike the guy for being a sitcom-esque jerk, but it just doesn't really seem like that. It's not like the dude got through med school and immediately left her for a 20 year old, they've been together a full 21 years. I think the length of time they've been together is what makes it seem less "I'm out idiot" to me.

I doubt he himself thinks that I just imagine that's sorta the underlying current. He's still young enough to start a second family if he feels like it and without any other motive than some nebulous "there's just no spark anymore" he probably just kind of wants to spread his wings as a well off and still somewhat young doctor in a way that he can't in his comfortable 21 year long relationship. I don't think he's nefariously scheming or anything I just suspect that his desire for "something else" is going to unsurprisingly coincide with a substantially younger partner when all is said and done.

dudeness
Mar 5, 2010

:minnie: Cat Army :minnie:
Fallen Rib
Weaponizing your mental disorder to win arguments should be banned by the Geneva Convention.

Also he should ban her from their marriage.


My [28 F] boyfriend of six years [28 M] apparently sent a bunch of money to a dominatrix, and I don't know how to bring it up

quote:

We have been together for six years, and fairly early on in the relationship, he cheated on me. I walked in on them (I had keys to his apartment). Eventually, I took him back, but I guess I always had some trust issues in the back of my mind.

Lately, things have been great. Until we had a huge fight. But was over some pretty silly stuff, and we've since both moved past it... yet it left a weird feeling in my mind. So I was home alone last night, and I was cleaning up around our apartment. We share a cell phone (we also have our own phones, it's a spare), and I suddenly felt a desire to look through it. I have never done this before, even after he cheated on me. I don't know what made me do it.

Anyway, I pretty quickly saw an email from his bank that he sent a bunch of money to some girl a couple days ago. I googled her name, and it's a unique one, so I instantly found her IG. She's a professional dominatrix, and she's located in our city. She sets up everything through Instagram DMs.

It seems pretty cut & dry that he cheated on me... I'm kind of in absolute shock that he'd pay a dominatrix, because he's always been the rough one in our relationship, and if he just wanted to cheat, he's very attractive and in shape and outgoing. But I can't think of why else he'd send money to a dominatrix, and I'm not naive enough to try to come up with weak theories to hide the truth from myself. He works remotely, and I have a full-time job and a side thing, so he has tons of time to himself every day.

I don't know how to bring it up to him though. I'd like to talk to him about why he did this, although I do think that I might have to leave him over this, as much as I hate to admit it to myself. But of course, to bring it up to him requires telling him that I went through his email, and then I'm just as much in the wrong as him. So what do I do, especially if I do want to at least attempt to salvage the relationship? Did I totally gently caress up my chances?

tl;dr: My boyfriend paid a dominatrix, and I want to have a serious discussion with him. But I only found out by snooping on his emails. How can I bring it up? Did I ruin the relationship already by snooping?

dudeness fucked around with this message at 05:19 on Sep 1, 2017

Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017

Exploration is ill-advised.
A few pages late, but one thing television always seems to be right about: NEVER date a magician. Unless she's literally Zatanna, in Paul Dini's case.

And jesus harvey christ, am I glad I stopped using Facebook, it seems to bring nothing but ridiculous passive-aggressive trouble.

Admiral Ray
May 17, 2014

Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

Pick posted:

Me [30F] with my wife[30F], I think she is addicted to the internet and is about to lose her job over itPersonal issues
605 points 88 comments submitted 1 month ago by fungusamonguses to r/relationships

Yesterday was a final straw for my wife's internet usage and when I tried to make it a discussion, she became hysterical and wouldn't speak to me.

She told me that she's received her final warning for 'excessive internet usage' at work. I said to her "final warning? how many have there been?" Two or three times in the past year. She usually spends her time on facebook, tumblr, amazon, forums, twitter, etc. Things I can definitely understand an employer not wanting to pay her for. "They don't give me enough work to do, and I told them that". Great.

She is late to her job every morning, no matter what her start time is. When she had a start time of 8am, she'd show up at 8:20. Her boss ended up changing her start time to just be at 8:15 am for her (very nice of him) but then she was just coming in at 8:30 or 8:45. Last month they changed her start time to 9am. I leave the house for work at 7 usually, so I assumed she was easily making it in by 9. Last week I was ill and worked remotely and saw that no-- she wasn't even leaving the house until her shift was about to begin. No matter what her start time is at her job, she's late.

Why is she late, you ask? Well, it's only a 20m drive so distance and traffic isn't the reason. Every morning, as soon as she blinks herself awake, she reaches to the nightstand for her cellphone. Facebook is usually the first thing she goes to. I'll say to her 'hey put the phone down and get ready' and she'll say "this is my routine, this is my routine, i have to do it". The problem is she'll lay in bed on her phone/Facebook for an hour or more every morning. By the time she puts the phone away, she's supposed to start her shift in 20 minutes and she hasn't even gotten out of bed or showered yet.

The addiction is now affecting our relationship. Can't even talk to her hardly anymore. She comes home from work, out comes the phone. I'll ask her a question 2, 3, 4, 5, times, and she never responds. It's like she's on another planet. If we try to watch a show? She's on her phone the whole time too, playing games or reading posts. I've begun to feel like an echo in my own home, almost like I live alone. I can't even remember the last time she wasn't staring at her screen and it's been getting so much worse.

Other than the phone usage, our relationship is good. We love each other dearly, care about each other immensely, and typically almost never argue. Now all of our arguments stem from me asking her to put the phone/internet down.

I've suggested she sees a therapist (many times) for her depression. She always agrees but never follows through. Last night I suggested "Why don't we deem 8pm-9pm for Social Media Time" and leave our phones away the rest of the evening. She was immediately incensed and snapped, "That's NOT going to help my depression." Her instant defensiveness is an obvious red flag that this is an addiction issue.

Any time I try to talk to her about this, she breaks down into hysterics or gets extremely mean towards me. I've tried multiple approaches, ranging from "I'm concerned for you" to "I'm worried about me" to "How can we realistically plan to raise a child if you can't even get to work on time like the rest of the world?"

I don't want to resent her but I'm starting to. Also to make note, she does fall on the autistic spectrum, which she employs often when I confront her ("I'm an aspie, i need my routine and can't possibly change it" or "I'm an aspie, I'm always late and that's never changing"). I'm trying to be understanding of mental limitations but these seem like problems that some simple time management could resolve.

What do I do? I feel like a stranger in my own home with my own wife, I'm terrified she will lose her job and she doesn't seem to care about keeping it, and I can't support us both on my income. Am I being insensitive like she claims? I don't want to be a bad wife, but I'm genuinely afraid this addiction is going to ruin her life and mine with it.

tl;dr: Wife is addicted to the internet and it's affecting her job and our relationship. I've suggested time management and therapy to help but am met with anger and derision, not sure what to do anymore.

quote:

Other than the phone usage, our relationship is good.

Why the gently caress are there so many goddamn morons that say poo poo like "Other than this catastrophic issue that has displaced our relationship, our relationship is good." Mother fucker you don't have a relationship anymore you have a series of problems that you sometimes gently caress.

Absurd Alhazred
Mar 27, 2010

by Athanatos

Admiral Ray posted:

Why the gently caress are there so many goddamn morons that say poo poo like "Other than this catastrophic issue that has displaced our relationship, our relationship is good." Mother fucker you don't have a relationship anymore you have a series of problems that you sometimes gently caress.

New motherfucking thread title.

A Wizard of Goatse
Dec 14, 2014

David Heinrich posted:

Jokes aside, that really is a tough situation. On the one hand, it's hosed up to leave someone who helped you through so much after 21 years of being together; on the other, if he's just not happy and his kids are mature enough for it not to effect their development, it's hard to advocate him staying somewhere he just isn't happy. That age gap is a little weird, too; he was 21 to her 35 when they got together.

it sounds like he's just bored and imagining his middle-aged life will somehow become wildly more free and exciting when he's alone instead of splitting costs and sharing it with another person (it won't)

there's nothing in particular he wants to do, nothing in particular about married life or his wife he purports to still love that he has a problem with, maybe he's just being super coy about it but in the absence of anything even approaching a tangible grievance just go get a combover and buy an expensive Italian car that never leaves your garage like every other 40-year-old in your situation dude

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 06:13 on Sep 1, 2017

WampaLord
Jan 14, 2010

Absurd Alhazred posted:

New motherfucking thread title.

:yeah:

ArbitraryC
Jan 28, 2009
Pick a number, any number
Pillbug

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

it sounds like he's just bored and imagining his middle-aged life will somehow become wildly more free and exciting when he's alone instead of splitting costs and sharing it with another person (it won't)

there's nothing in particular he wants to do, nothing in particular about married life he has a problem with, maybe he's just being super coy about it but in the absence of anything even approaching a tangible grievance just go buy an expensive Italian car that breaks constantly dude

I would bet a whole ton of cash that he'll just end up loving various younger strange for some odd years before he realizes it has it's own bag of drama and issues and he'll regret ditching a 20+ year relationship where the biggest flaw he could point to was that it became a bit boring. Like he might not be able to be honest with himself about his intentions but basically the only thing he can do as a single dude that he couldn't do in his longstanding healthy relationship is "date other people".

A Wizard of Goatse
Dec 14, 2014

that is the specific regard in which his life won't become wildly more free and exciting yes

Dear Prudence
Sep 3, 2012

Admiral Ray posted:

Why the gently caress are there so many goddamn morons that say poo poo like "Other than this catastrophic issue that has displaced our relationship, our relationship is good." Mother fucker you don't have a relationship anymore you have a series of problems that you sometimes gently caress.

:eyepop:

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com
:roboluv: :love: :roboluv:
Also, I think the problem in his marriage 'she's not as attractive now as she was at 35, and I married her at 21 so I'm missed out on a bunch if stuff I'm sure'. And then like e rey guy who broke up with a girl to get more girl he'll have nothing while she hooks up with some other younger dude with a milf fetish.

A Wizard of Goatse
Dec 14, 2014

Outrail posted:

Also, I think the problem in his marriage 'she's not as attractive now as she was at 35, and I married her at 21 so I'm missed out on a bunch if stuff I'm sure'. And then like e rey guy who broke up with a girl to get more girl he'll have nothing while she hooks up with some other younger dude with a milf fetish.

this is a pretty common thing of middle-aged doctor and lawyer types and what will happen is he will get a decades-long sequence of perky 25-year-old ski instructors named Taylor with daddy issues who can't manage half an hour of conversation before you just want to claw your eardrums out. and, after the first one, a severe alcohol dependency

unlike flabby nerds who think becoming swingers will make them sex gods, rich old guys have no trouble getting hot young tail, it's just from people who are too obnoxious to have any friends their own age

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 06:42 on Sep 1, 2017

christmas boots
Oct 15, 2012

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Biscuit Hider

Pick posted:

I never used that word I just said that people will never stop falling in love with her and she will destroy them all.

Joke's on her. She'll have to build me up before she can tear me down, so ultimately I still come out ahead.

Yawgmoth
Sep 10, 2003

This post is cursed!

Absurd Alhazred posted:

New motherfucking thread title.
:agreed:

La Brea Carpet
Nov 22, 2007

I have no mouth and I must post
We have two kids [4,8] we can no longer bring to their grandparents [late 70s] house because SIL [35F] hates children. Looking for friendly solution

quote:

Would like some advice on making some kind of compromise between my husband and I and his sister.

So husband and I [late 30s] have two kids, 4 and 8, and we used to love bringing to their grandparents' house in the summer. Their grandparents live across the country from us on a large estate in a very large house, and the kids have had great summer memories there.

Recently, my husband's younger sister moved back to their home city and is living with the grandparents due to high costs of living and the large amount of free space at the grandparents' home. She has been year for a year now I think. The issue came about this summer when husband and I were planning our yearly trip to bring the kids to see their grandparents. We usually stay for 2 weeks, stay in the guest bedrooms, and plan a bunch of picnics/BBQs/pool parties during.

Well, this year we got a call from the grandparents saying awkwardly that they're unsure if we could come to visit this year. For background, the sister massively cannot stand young children, and has stated that she will not allow our two kids running around in the house touching her things and ruining her schedule for two straight weeks. She has also never met our kids for that reason. The grandparents were really upset and kept apologizing, but seemed unwilling to fight their daughter over this. My husband and I offered to stay in a hotel and only bring the kids over for brief visits to hang out with the grandparents, but the sister is adamant that no kids be allowed even in the vicinity of their home. Her reasons are not completely clear beyond the fact that she hates young children of all types, and does not want her home violated by them according to the grandparents. Regardless, she has taken a stand and put her foot down.

What really broke our hearts is seeing how devastated this made my husband's parents. They offered to fly to our city to see us instead. We immediately turned this down because we didn't want them exerting themselves over a 7hr flight. The grandfather is in a wheelchair, and the grandmother has suffered from increasingly bad health in the past year, and we cannot in good conscience let them make this kind of trip.
So far, we have not been able to find any sort of compromise. The grandparents' health is too fragile to make any kind of prolonged trip, and we are seemingly banned from seeing them in their home city. Right now we are hoping that the SIL will be moving out soon, but she has expressed no desires to move and we don't want to wait indefinitely.

Would like some advice on how to handle this situation. Ideally, we'd like to make some sort of compromise with the sister, but it's hard because the grandparents seem scared of her and easily defer to her wishes. My husband also admits his sister can be difficult, and seems unwilling to confront her. I just want my kids to see their grandparents though, and think it's wildly unfair for the sister to pull this.

tl;dr: SIL moved in with husband's parents and forbids children in their house. We usually make summer trips to the grandparents', but now we can't and we don't know when we can ever make that trip again.

quote:

I don't know. We live across the country from them, but my husband will go visit them during the holidays this year if the "ban" still stands for our children. He will get a much better sense of how their lives have been since she's moved in.

She is definitely a huge influence on them. The grandparents have become very suggestible due to their age, and they seem easily pushed around by the sister.

I hope people don't take it as a sign that they're bad people to us or our kids; they're just old and not all mentally there. Last year my FIL almost fell for an obvious phone scam (someone called him claiming to be a relative asking for money to get out of an emergency, he believed it and was actually trying to make a transfer) if it weren't for his home care nurse who called us first. Now that the sister is back home, she dominates over them because she's the only "adult" so to speak.

Edit: Concerning financial abuse it's hard to say as well. The last major argument my husband had with his sister (the one that made their mom sick) was actually over the inheritance. The sister felt like she deserved a larger chunk because she is single, without children, and therefore needs more monetary support because she is alone and has much "less" in life than her brother. Her jobs also pays less. My husband just wanted things to be 50-50 (which is what his parents wanted as well.) Ultimately the parents agreed to leave her more assets (not sure what exactly) but they also set up college funds for our two kids because they've always wanted to. It think SIL got salty over this fact, that our kids are getting a share of her parents money.

Now that I think of it I wouldn't be surprised if the sudden kids ban is just her acting out over this.

People are poo poo.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

Admiral Ray posted:

Why the gently caress are there so many goddamn morons that say poo poo like "Other than this catastrophic issue that has displaced our relationship, our relationship is good." Mother fucker you don't have a relationship anymore you have a series of problems that you sometimes gently caress.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
People who do not like animals, and people who do not like kids, are almost always complete loving assholes.

La Brea Carpet
Nov 22, 2007

I have no mouth and I must post
Me [30 M] with my girlfriend [32 F] of about 15 years, she no longer wants to have sex due to concerns about pregnancy but does not (herself) want to use birth control

quote:

tl;dr version:

I've been in a relationship for about fifteen years, at least ten of which involved an active sex life.

Sex ended after girlfriend suddenly became very concerned about pregnancy.

Relationship hit a low point unrelated to lack of sex; girlfriend said she did not love me which has shaken my confidence in relationship.

Girlfriend reconciled, still refuses to have sex based allegedly SOLELY on pregnancy fear--she says she loves me now.

Girlfriend says only way she will have sex with me is if I get a vasectomy. Girlfriend refuses to use any birth control options herself.

Question: Is this reasonable/normal/healthy?

This guy posted a whole novel, but the tl;dr is all you really need. Also, the girlfriend found the post and made him edit in that she considered the argument where she "fell out of love" verbal abuse.

DragQueenofAngmar
Dec 29, 2009

You shall not pass!
holy poo poo no way, an update from the other side of the "top/bottom" gay son dad drama

My [27 M] fiance [33 M]'s dad [65] is treating me like a daughter-in-law-to-be.

quote:

I have been with my BF/fiance for nearly 4 years and our relationship is wonderful. My BF was originally very close with his dad but after he came out to his parents his dad alienated him and my BF felt sad and disappointed.

Then all of a sudden at about the New Year of last year, my BF's father called my BF to watch basketball together. At about the same time I was also invited to an opera together with his mom, his sisters and sister-in-law. After the opera we had shopping and dinner and I had a nice day with them.

After that the relationship between my BF and his father became close again. They went out together for fishing, camping, watching this and that kind of sports from time to time. His father became more kind to me. His mom also from time to time invited me to join her and sisters and sister-in-law in various activities and events such as concert and shopping in town. Every time when his family were going to have family gathering his mom asked me to join her in preparing the meal. It seems that my BF's family is more and more accepting me as part of them.

Everything goes well and we are planning marriage in the fall of this year. In a recent gathering of my BF's family, we and my BF's parents had some discussion on the marriage and the wedding. To my most surprise my BF's father took it for granted that I will take their family name after marriage. He said that my BF's sister-in-law did do so and my BF's sister also took her husband's last name and he assumed that I would also like to do that. He also took it for granted that I should be the one walking down the aisle and being given away and wearing white.

I suddenly realize that at all the times my BF's parents pigeonhole me in the role of woman and treat me as their son's girlfriend and I was really embarrassed.

In fact I am always playing a more submissive role in our relationship. My manner and character is more gentle and soft and easy-going. I am the one who has less opinion. I like some passive activities such as opera and music but at the same time like cars and planes and hiking. I tend to do more housework such as cooking and cleaning (as I love tidy but my BF is less care with that) but not all. However, I never consider myself feminine.

My BF is a total top and more dominant, both in bedroom and in our relationship.

I did feel a little bit odd in my relationship with my BF's family but did not aware that really matter before:

My BF's father never invites me to join them in fishing, camping or watching this and that kind of sports. I did not mind that as I myself are not very keen on those activities and at all the times my BF knows me.
My BF's mom, sister-in-law, sisters and I did gossip about the men in the family from time to time. In these gossips and talks I understood they knew I was the bottom/receiver and my BF's a total top/giver. I did not know how they knew that.
My BF's dad never asked my opinion on anything, and my opinion never matter.
My BF's dad always interrupted me when we were having conversation and often ignores what I said on whatever issue and the conversation sometimes ended with him saying to me "You know nothing", "You never understand that", and something likes that.
When I was with my BF's mom and sisters my BF's dad always just addressed us as "You chicks" or "You gals" but when my BF's brother and/or brother-in-law were there he addressed us as "You guys and chicks" or "You boys and gals".
I feel not comfortable with my BF's family, especially his dad, pigeonholes me in the role of something like a woman, a wife and a daughter-in-law. At the same time, I wish to maintain the good relationship with my BF's family.

My BF's mom and sisters have from time to time advised me how to manage my BF's dad. They always emphasizes that my BF's dad needs to feel being respect and does not like others to confront him. He is old-fashioned and hard to change.

I had a discussion with my BF. My BF said that he knew his dad was seeing our relationship in the sense of a tradition heterosexual one with masculine/feminine stereotypes and that made it more easy for his dad to recognize and accept our relationship.

My BF said his parents thought he was less a man being gay and they felt embarrassed and very unhappy with that when he first came out to them. That kept for a number of years and then in a occasion (which I did not aware and had already forgotten) his dad accidentally knew that my BF was the top and I was the bottom. That made his dad reclaimed the feeling that my BF was still his son load with manhood and changed the view to our relationship and how he treated me.

What should I do? I am thinking a conversation with my BF's family expressing my feelings and concerns but at the same time afraid that will ruin my relationship with them. Should I just let it go?

tl;dr: My BF's family are treating me with a preconception which I feel not comfortable with but I don't know how to deal with them.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

holy poo poo no way, an update from the other side of the "top/bottom" gay son dad drama

My [27 M] fiance [33 M]'s dad [65] is treating me like a daughter-in-law-to-be.

Yeah it's really uncomfortable to be treated like a woman. 'Cause that's what it's like. Feel free to sympathize with 51% of the world's population any time, gents.

Buzkashi
Feb 4, 2003
College Slice
My gf [25F] of 4 yrs will break up with me [27M] if I don't suck up thousands $$ to buy her a ring

quote:

I love Cara and want to spend my life with her. She's usually reasonable, funny, very charming.

We've lived together for the last year. Its been great. I do want to marry her and we've talked about timelines, marriage and our finances.

For me I need to prepare for things in advance.

I'd like to buy a house by the end of this year and Ive been saving up for it. Cara knew this and was fine with everything.

Well something that Ive been waiting for has just been released. Its a collectible item that costs 2k but its an item that will gain value over time so its almost an investment. I had planned for it but I just didn't know what it would cost before.

I was really excited and shared it with Cara. Well she wants to know why it is i can afford to get this now vs her having to wait 2 + yrs for me to save up and get a ring.

I told her that I had planned for this. And the house as well. Once I purchase it I will save up for a ring but it will take some time.

If she'd like a proposal sooner she can pay for the ring herself.

To be frank, I don't see why it is that I have to pay for such an expensive ring that is going to belong to her. If it means so much she can buy and propose to me.

Shes not usually sexist but she seems set on traditional gender roles for proposals. And it just bugs me so much.

Shes now upset with me and is staying at her friend to "think things over". I don't know how I can get her to see how unreasonable shes being. any advise on how to get through to her ?

tl;dr: gf wants me to propose but I think its only fair that she pays for her own ring if shed like it sooner than later

What is the collectible item, taking all bets

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

Buzkashi posted:

My gf [25F] of 4 yrs will break up with me [27M] if I don't suck up thousands $$ to buy her a ring


What is the collectible item, taking all bets

There is a 0% chance this is a thing that will appreciate in value.

Also, $2K for a ring is not a lot, if he can purchase a special edition Nintendo Switch with golden Marios on it, he can buy a ring.

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com
:roboluv: :love: :roboluv:

Pick posted:

People who do not like animals, and people who do not like kids, are almost always complete loving assholes.

I like animals and don't like being around kids. People generally think I'm okay but kind of an rear end in a top hat. Theory checks out.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Buzkashi posted:

My gf [25F] of 4 yrs will break up with me [27M] if I don't suck up thousands $$ to buy her a ring


What is the collectible item, taking all bets

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La Brea Carpet
Nov 22, 2007

I have no mouth and I must post

Buzkashi posted:

What is the collectible item, taking all bets

Going to guess Star Wars collectible. I think they announced a bunch of them the other day.

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