/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

sleepwalkers: Dec 7, 2008

maskenfreiheit posted:

Actively hiding your feelings would be saying you're open to 1:1 dating to keep getting laid. Where does OP say they did that?

I probably worded that poorly, but I think you're right in that it's passive more than active. He's seemingly the only one consciously withholding information in this scenario for his own benefit, despite acknowledging that there's inequity in their relationship and that it's likely the only thing keeping the fling going. I think that's leading someone on. Whether or not he's using his words to do so, he's communicating something by continuing to have sex with her after she's put her feelings out there.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 15:28

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# ? May 30, 2024 15:59

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

corn on the cop posted:

My[24m] friends with benefits[23f] and I had a threesome with one of her friends[23f], they are fighting about dating me, but I am not interested in either of them.

It's pretty sad how this stupidly passive idiot has actual women fighting over his stubborn rear end. Either he's just that oblivious, sociopathic, or both.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 15:35

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

Offering up your friends for a threesome isn't a very constructive step toward a committed monogamous relationship. That's a giant mixed signal on her part.

Of course, the kind, empathetic thing for the guy to do would be to stop loving both of them, but he's not going to do that until the whole thing blows up in his face.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 15:38

Serephina: Nov 8, 2005; 恐竜戦隊
ジュウレンジャー

He's probably attractive as hell and smiles a lot, it's not that hard to understand. I've just witnessed something similar happen with a friend, the whole FWB thing with both parties not being on the same playing field, and I gotta say it's not for me. Good on this guy, but he really needs to man up and tell her he's not keen and let it all burn down, story as old as time. (The hotter FWB having to beat away clingy lays)

# ? Sep 7, 2017 15:42

Shoshie: Nov 22, 2007

I saw this one yesterday when it was hot off the presses.

Some Guy on Reddit posted:

I�m (24M) staying with my uncle (39M). I�ve sort of fallen for his girlfriend of 1.25 years (28F).

Hi. After I graduated college two years ago, I moved out to the east coast from Texas. I didn�t do so well, so I decided to try my luck elsewhere. I decided to go to Minneapolis, where my uncle lives. I don�t know him very well. He my grandfather never got along very well, and he left when he was young. I�ve meet him a couple of times when he came down to see my dad, though never stayed long. I only really knew two things about him: he has long hair (kinda weird for the area I grew up), and he has big arms. I found out that it's because he boxes for exercise.

Anyway, he said I could stay with him--rent-free--for a maximum of six months, then he�d kick me out, because he just bought a new house, and his girlfriend was going to move in then. Just the fact he let me in for a while was more than enough.

I met his girlfriend about a week after I moved in and she is not what I thought she�d be at all. I was expecting some sort of matronly hippy-woman, what I saw was an attractive, and surprisingly young girl. Anyway, we all went out to eat, and it�s obvious that she is really smart. She can articulate her opinions on everything from stupid movies to politics. She is extremely funny and easy going. I immediately fell for her.

I�ve been here about eight weeks, and the more I see her, the more I like her-and get butterflies. She comes over every Sunday and cooks my uncle lunches for the week, and they always look SO good! She�s also made dinner for us, and even though it�s just a bunch of healthy stuff it�s always really delicious. She knows everything about bicycles, and even built her own bike. She also bikes everywhere, doesn�t even own a car, plus exercises with my uncle (they met at the gym) so she has an amazing body, from what I can tell. Basically, whenever she�s around I get butterflies, and I get extremely jealous of my uncle. I wish she could be my girlfriend. I feel almost angry that my uncle has such an amazing person, even though she�s closer to my age than his! I�m not too bad looking...I think.

I feel bad when I think this, though, because he told me that he had a girlfriend he really liked die in a car accident a few years ago, and this is his first time he�s met anyone he's really liked since then. I shouldn�t feel this jealous and angry at a man who�s feeling happiness for the first time in years, and who is kind enough to let me stay with him. But I can�t help it. I feel like I should go to therapy or something, but I don�t have the money. I�m trying to save up for when I leave, and between student loans and insurance and transportation costs, I�m not taking in a ton of money.

What can I do? I can�t move out yet, but feeling resentment and anger at the (very kind) person who�s giving me a room to stay in and food to eat is driving me mad. I�m stuck between a rock and a hard place, but I�d like to move forward.

Tl;dr: I�m living with my uncle for six months rent-free and now I�m angry at him because he has an amazing girlfriend, and feel like poo poo, and should probably leave right now but can�t. How do I deal with these emotions?

If this dude's not already posting in r/incel, he will be soon.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 16:57

darkwasthenight: Jan 7, 2011; GENE TRAITOR

Shoshie posted:

I saw this one yesterday when it was hot off the presses.

If this dude's not already posting in r/incel, he will be soon.

Nah, this guy is alright. He recognised HE has an issue and is asking how HE can deal with the emotions he's getting; if he was incel he'd be asking how he could persuade her to date him instead.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 17:06

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

darkwasthenight posted:

Nah, this guy is alright. He recognised HE has an issue and is asking how HE can deal with the emotions he's getting; if he was incel he'd be asking how he could persuade her to date him instead.

Yeah, he's showing way more self-awareness than any of those incel goobers.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 17:09

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

The la gauge he's using sounds like he's desperately trying to rationalize away the guilt of planning to steal his uncles girl.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 17:10

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

corn on the cop posted:

My[24m] friends with benefits[23f] and I had a threesome with one of her friends[23f], they are fighting about dating me, but I am not interested in either of them.

I'm still laughing about this guy having sex with a woman that he doesn't find at all attractive. Then he gets confused that she may have interpreted having sex to mean that there is something between them.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 17:17

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Outrail posted:

The la gauge he's using sounds like he's desperately trying to rationalize away the guilt of planning to steal his uncles girl.

yyyup

# ? Sep 7, 2017 17:20

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

yyyup

What's the Guardian of the Galaxy Quote?

"What if someone has something that I want and I take it?"
"That's stealing, that's illegal"
"Yes but what if I want it more"
"It's still illegal"
"But that doesn't make any sense!"

# ? Sep 7, 2017 17:32

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

areyoucontagious posted:

Yeah, that's definitely not the sentiment of a guy who wants to keep loving that girl but not actually date her despite her wanting more

Again, being silent is not deceptive. As long as he is always truthful, the onus is on them to ask for exclusivity.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 17:35

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

corn on the cop posted:

My[24m] friends with benefits[23f] and I had a threesome with one of her friends[23f], they are fighting about dating me, but I am not interested in either of them.

Just tell them that you want to date both.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 17:46

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Outrail posted:

What's the Guardian of the Galaxy Quote?

"What if someone has something that I want and I take it?"
"That's stealing, that's illegal"
"Yes but what if I want it more"
"It's still illegal"
"But that doesn't make any sense!"

To be fair, he is literally a raccoon.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 18:06

Motronic: Nov 6, 2009

Admiral Ray posted:

Just tell them that you want to date both.

But only simultaneously.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 18:11

Yawgmoth: Sep 10, 2003; This post is cursed!

maskenfreiheit posted:

Again, being silent is not deceptive. As long as he is always truthful, the onus is on them to ask for exclusivity.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lie#Lying_by_omission

# ? Sep 7, 2017 18:19

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

maskenfreiheit posted:

Again, being silent is not deceptive. As long as he is always truthful, the onus is on them to ask for exclusivity.

I think if neither of them says anything that's fair, gotta have a convo about exclusivity if you want it. But if they're expressing interest and he's deflecting (because the answer is no and he knows they would revoke his fuckpass if directly said that) then yeah that is bad.

Heck in some situations even if they're both being honest but it's clear the one who wants more is just sticking around out of hope things will change the right/empathetic thing to do break it off because you know your actions are ultimately hurting someone else.

It's not about rules lawyering it's about being a good person.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 18:22

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Me 26m wears men's thong underwear and my wife 27f hates them

quote:

We've been together for about 5 years now. Recently I have been looking for more comfortable underwear and I have been open to trying every style. I bought a pair of thong underwear and they were amazingly comfortable. For the last 4 months I have been purchasing and wearing thongs. My wife hates them and wants me to get rid of them. I am torn between being comfortable and making my wife happy. Any suggestions?

tl;dr my wife hates them but I love them

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UblCzxcG3Cw&t=21s

Rock on you budgie smuggler you.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 18:30

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

dudeness posted:

I'm still laughing about this guy having sex with a woman that he doesn't find at all attractive. Then he gets confused that she may have interpreted having sex to mean that there is something between them.

http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/i-didnt-mean-to-lead-you-on-by-loving-you-10673

# ? Sep 7, 2017 18:39

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

[CA] Is it OK to write legal correspondence on the back of pictures of copulating donkeys? (self.legaladvice)

quote:

I occasionally have to write formal letters to people I don't like, for example, to my landlady who keeps "losing" my rent check. I'd like to be as passive-aggressive as possible without violating any laws. Can I write all of my letters to her on the back of pictures of farm animals who are getting it on, without being at risk for punishment?

Note - I'm not asking whether it's a good idea. I know that if those letters ever ended up in as exhibits court I'd probably look less sympathetic. I just want to make sure I won't be subject to legitimate lawsuits or criminal prosecution simply because of the pictures.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 18:57

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

Smirking_Serpent posted:

http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/i-didnt-mean-to-lead-you-on-by-loving-you-10673

To be fair, just because a girl (or guy or whatever) goes home with you after hooking up in a bar doesn't mean they're interested in anything beyond hooking up in a bar, even if it happens a few times. You get over it, don't take it personally and move in.

If that's enough to get you upset then you probably shouldn't be having casual sex.

In the same vein, you shouldn't be leading people on, but if you tell them 'This is just having fun. I am not interested in a relationship. This is only temporary. If you have a problem with that we should cut it out right now' and they later get upset that it's not leading into a relationship then that's on them.

Source: That exact thing happening to me.

Outrail fucked around with this message at 19:04 on Sep 7, 2017

# ? Sep 7, 2017 19:00

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Just because you look good at the Combine doesnt mean youre getting drafted.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 19:01

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Co-worker's Fecal Matter in Office

quote:

I work in a small office with 5 other people (more employees elsewhere in the building), one of whom has Crohn's disease. Obviously, this disease causes a lot of odors around the office, which is to be expected. Unfortunately, however, when this coworker has accidents, they do not take appropriate measures to clean up themselves or the surrounding area. They also seem to refuse to wash their hands after using the restroom.

This has lead to appalling restroom conditions, and on more than a couple occasions, visible fecal matter on shared office furniture in which other employees have had the misfortune of sitting.

It only seems that this person's self care is on a downward spiral, as the smells in the office have gotten so bad that it's difficult to breathe without gagging, and I literally have to hold my breath whenever I leave my desk. This is aside from what I would assume would be various health risks brought about by these conditions.

I know that the boss has been approached about this by multiple colleagues and myself, however, nothing has been done to address the issue with the offender. It seems that they're reluctant to act, as they fear that the person would retaliate and claim discrimination under the ADA.

Searching online, I've been unable to find a situation like this.

While I want to try to be understanding of their condition, I also feel that I have a right to a workplace where I'm not consistently exposed to a colleague's feces. There are 700k other people who suffer from this disease, and I am unable to find another case remotely similar to this.

Other than finding another job, is there anything I can do to try to fix this? I've considered an OSHA complaint, but I am very uncertain that I'd be free from retaliation. I know reports are anonymous, but it wouldn't be difficult to figure out who reported with so few people in the office.

Please help me /r/legaladvice

Start hanging those "spray zone" signs from the zoo around your coworker's cube.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 19:27

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Outrail posted:

To be fair, just because a girl (or guy or whatever) goes home with you after hooking up in a bar doesn't mean they're interested in anything beyond hooking up in a bar, even if it happens a few times. You get over it, don't take it personally and move in.

If that's enough to get you upset then you probably shouldn't be having casual sex.

In the same vein, you shouldn't be leading people on, but if you tell them 'This is just having fun. I am not interested in a relationship. This is only temporary. If you have a problem with that we should cut it out right now' and they later get upset that it's not leading into a relationship then that's on them.

Source: That exact thing happening to me.

between twentysomethings being incredibly bad at communication and loads of people looking for hookups being perfectly willing to imply or straight-up lie that they're not just looking for hookups if it gets them laid more (it does) there isn't actually a humanly perceptible distinction between casual sex and starting-a-relationship sex unless somebody says something. I guess people just shouldn't be having sex period if the alternative is having to actually be upfront about your intentions with actual words

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 19:33 on Sep 7, 2017

# ? Sep 7, 2017 19:28

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

La Brea Carpet posted:

Co-worker's Fecal Matter in Office

Start hanging those "spray zone" signs from the zoo around your coworker's cube.

ADA just means reasonable accommodation. iirc the shitter can definitely be fired if they don't wash their hands or clean up after themselves, and boss can probably get sued for letting the office smell like a toilet instead of buying air fresheners and other deodorizing/scent masking stuff

# ? Sep 7, 2017 19:41

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

My lyft/uber expenses were nearly $750 every month so I instead bought a bike for $900 and now my travel expenses are <$140

quote:

I used to Lyft Line or Uber Pool to work everyday or every other day so this was nearly ~$10 everyday so $200-250/month just for that. In addition I use uber/lyft to get around the city for meeting up with friends, getting groceries, going to meetups etc and that added up a lot. I was so shocked by this because even though the charges are tiny up front they really add up.

So a few months ago I invested in a nice road bike for $900 and its been solid so far and my Lyft usage dramatically went down. If I am going somewhere <2.5 miles I bike. I live in SF so hills can get pretty crazy so I also avoid areas that are further in the city. Its even cheaper than public transport - which would cost me close to $100 every month to get to work. Instead monthly bike maintenance is <$10 and I can use public transportation to go further into the city. I only use lyft/uber now if I am drunk or need to get to places that neither public transport or my bike can.
Something I thought this sub might enjoy

Edit: A lot of questions around why I used Lyft/Uber and Taxi so much when SF is such a walkable city and it has great public transportation.

No real reason besides I was stupid and incredibly lazy with terrible habits. I moved to SF fresh out of college a year ago and I work in Tech so the salaries are pretty good. I wasn't disciplined about my finances for a while - as a matter of fact I wasn't until the last few months and then expenses racked up and I started building a credit balance. I used to use public transportation a lot and then I moved to a place where it was a little far so I got lazy and started taking Lyft and this became such a habit that 4-5 months in I was taking it everywhere.

I also used to call it all the time whenever friends/family was in town and never split. $750 does say a lot about me. Bad habits are so easy to foster. But now I am more disciplined in this matter. I was careless. But I am self-aware enough to call myself out - only in this case I could've done it early; but that's alright because I did and made a lot of progress.

So if you are 22 and are like me and have bad habits that alright. Call yourself out. Block a few hours on a weekend, and do nothing but understand your financial habits and make a budget to the last penny. It might anxiety at first but then you'll get a hold over it and it'll be alright.

Edit: Holy poo poo. This got way more attention than I wanted. A lot of good advice - thank you for that. Thank you to all the people that were being nice. To the ones that reached out to me to be mean - try to be nice.

I did invest in a good U lock and I also have a cable lock. When I'm at work I take it straight to my desk but when I go grocery shopping I usually lock it with the U-lock and also use the cable lock with the tires. It worked well so far.

I also cook everyday so that ~$50 a week on groceries and I eat out about ~30 worth every weekend. so about ~$350 in eating a month. A lot of people reached out asking for advice - I will get back to you this weekend.

killalltechbros.txt

# ? Sep 7, 2017 20:28

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

La Brea Carpet posted:

My lyft/uber expenses were nearly $750 every month so I instead bought a bike for $900 and now my travel expenses are <$140

killalltechbros.txt

Is this from /r/brogrammers or some equally impressive forum?

# ? Sep 7, 2017 20:55

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Is this from /r/brogrammers or some equally impressive forum?

r/personalfinance

# ? Sep 7, 2017 20:58

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

My 16f school ignored my anonymous tip about my gym teacher sexually harassing students and now I'm in his class again

quote:

Last year I had this gym teacher that would always touch and make inappropriate remarks to me. When I was doing the exercises he would " position" me correctly by touching areas like My butt and inner/outer thigh area in a weird creepy way. I've had personal trainers for my sports position me correctly and it was very professional, This was not.

At first I just thought he didn't know what he was doing but then when we moved to the health portion of gym he touched Me on my thigh and on my leg while I was sitting. So far I'm the only girl he does this too I asked the others( however I'm sure there are others). I sit there watching and praying that this would be normal yet it wasn't happening to anyone else I could notice.

Towards the end of last semester before summer he asked if I could be the last one out of the change rooms because he trusted me to " lock up" and I did and as I waited for everyone to leave he came in as I was getting ready to go. He shut the door and asked for the key so he could lock it. I told him I was just leaving, and handed him the key trying to slide past him to leave. This shithead moved towards me and corners me on the wall and told me "that won't be necessary", as he started to put his hands on me. I managed to slide out then and ran home. Thankfully it was the weekend. I spent it writting a complaint and concern letter. I skipped the rest of my classes and failed the course, and to graduate I need one gym credit. NOTHING happened to him, I can't go up and say it was me because I have no proof the change rooms are the only place where there are no camera!!!!!

. I got my schedule yesterday guess who has this drat teacher again! I tried to switch my courses around my counsellors are saying I can't due to the awkward timing. Of course with my luck. I have to and don't know how to face him. I really don't feel like getting felt up or potentially raped this semester

TL;DR My school didn't take action on my complaint about a Perverted teacher and now I have the same teacher can't get out of it and have to face this creep again.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 21:01

Barudak: May 7, 2007

maskenfreiheit posted:

My 16f school ignored my anonymous tip about my gym teacher sexually harassing students and now I'm in his class again

This is loving depressing.

outside all other options, where are her parents in this?

# ? Sep 7, 2017 21:10

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

between twentysomethings being incredibly bad at communication and loads of people looking for hookups being perfectly willing to imply or straight-up lie that they're not just looking for hookups if it gets them laid more (it does) there isn't actually a humanly perceptible distinction between casual sex and starting-a-relationship sex unless somebody says something. I guess people just shouldn't be having sex period if the alternative is having to actually be upfront about your intentions with actual words

Forced sterilization for anyone under thirty really would improve everything.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 21:18

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

maskenfreiheit posted:

My 16f school ignored my anonymous tip about my gym teacher sexually harassing students and now I'm in his class again

gently caress. I really hope her parents are behind her on this sad story and sue the heck out of that terrible excuse for a school.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 21:20

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

maskenfreiheit posted:

My 16f school ignored my anonymous tip about my gym teacher sexually harassing students and now I'm in his class again

Welcome to the rest of your life

# ? Sep 7, 2017 21:21

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

Barudak posted:

This is loving depressing.

outside all other options, where are her parents in this?

Kinda depressing, but getting head start on college tuition is a plus.

Was there any advice beyond 'lawyer up'? I bet it would be really easy to get a few friends together and put together a sting operation, followed by a visit to the principal's office or a major network.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 21:24

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Barudak posted:

This is loving depressing.

outside all other options, where are her parents in this?

pointedly ignoring the problem until a major scandal forces them to acknowledge it

# ? Sep 7, 2017 21:27

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

A mutual friend raped somebody. My girlfriend and I have very different opinions about it

quote:

Background: Me (25) and my gf (22) have been dating for about six months now. We met through a mutual friend (who I'll refer to as A) who I had known since college and she had only met recently but is good friends with.

A couple of months ago, A raped a girl. I didn't learn about until a few weeks after it happened, when I went to see A to hang out and catch up. He told me his side of the story, saying that they were both kinda drunk, and that she initially didn't want to but eventually agreed. Essentially, he didn't understand that coercing someone into sex that they don't want when they're drunk is still rape. I was pretty shocked and confused, but initially I took his side; he's been a good friend for a very long time, and I know that he's not evil, even if he did something really lovely. I talked about it with my girlfriend and we agreed.

Recently, another good friend of mine (who I'll call B) gave me some new information. B is very good friends with the victim (who is around 20ish), and knew that before this encounter she was a virgin, who had turned down guys before, waiting for "the right one," which makes me very suspicious that she gave consent at any point. He also told me that she had been extremely drunk and puking for a long time before they had sex, making me think she was much drunker than A had implied, and much less able to give consent. B also said that the victim said she had told A repeatedly throughout the sex "No", and that he continued. I shared all of this with my gf as well

Even though all I have is two competing sides of the story and no particular reason to believe one or the other, I just can't be around A anymore. If anything B says is true, I just can't do it. I don't know what I would do if someone did that to my sisters; why does it matter that it was someone else's sister? He ruined that poor girls life. He's a piece of poo poo. But my girlfriend, for some reason, is taking his side. And as much as I always want to support her and whatever she does, I just don't know how to reconcile the fact that she's willing to forgive a rapist and try to maintain her friendship with him after knowing him for less than a year.

Am I in the wrong here? Is this a healthy way to think about this? What do you think my next steps should be?

For those that are interested, last I heard the victim had asked for a restraining order but did not want to press charges. Just wants to put it behind her and not see A again.

the comments section has some gems:

quote:

It seems like you have already taken B's side and assumed A's guilt.

I'm not defending rape here but just to play devils advocate for a moment. She might very well just be regretting drunkenly hooking up with someone. It is rare but it does happen.

The other side of this whole thing that bothers me is both A and victim were drunk. Yet only one of them committed a crime. If A had convinced this victim to drive a car while drunk the police would still nail her with a DUI.

It seems odd she doesn't want to press charges. Even if she can't prove his guilt she could still warn others this happened. If nothing else than to protect other people from him.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 21:30

MF_James: May 8, 2008; I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

Rape victims not wanting to press charges UNHEARD OF she must have wanted it, jesus christ reddit there are literally hundreds of tv shows and movies based around how few actually get reported.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 22:06

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

I [20F] accidentally had a peek at a private chat about me between my boyfriend [25M] and one of his friends [20-something male]. It left Rome feeling humiliated and emotionally lost scarred.

quote:

So I've been with Andrew for six months. I met him very shortly after switching schools and he was the first real person I knew here. I fell for him very quickly. He is handsome, the sex is good, and he seemed to really have his life in-order, which I admire, because I kind of don't.

Andrew has been good to me and I thought we were moving towards a future, but something I found this weekend has thrown all sorts of doubt into my head.

Basically, I was staying at his place for the weekend. I woke up way earlier than him on Sunday, and I wanted to check my e mail for something I have been waiting on from work. I figured there would be no big deal if I hopped on his computer and checked it real quick while he slept.

I got on the computer, and it was opened to Andrew's Facebook. I intended to just minimize it and move on, because I'm typically very opposed to snooping, but when I saw my name on the chat log that was open, I couldn't help but read. I kinda wish I hadn't.

Basically, Andrew and his friend were chatting in quite explicit detail about me and his friend's gf. Friend mentioned that he thought I am "actually pretty annoying". Andrew responded to that "Yeah, but she's a good f***."

I felt my heart drop when I read that, because I really couldn't believe that I was reading what my Andrew would say about me.

The chat continued with Andrew mentioning that he plans on dumping me after school and he is basically just keeping me around for sex until he graduates.

I felt like my heart was torn out. I know it was early in the relationship, but I personally only stay in a relationship if there is potential for it to last, and Andrew knows this and has always told me he felt the same. I've already imagined what it would be like to marry this person!
I was disgusted and already starting to cry, so I just grabbed my stuff and left his place before he woke up.

He texted me a couple hours after I got home asking where I had gone. I didn't answer and instead asked him if he was sure he loved me. His response was "Yes?". Then I told him "But that isn't what you told [friend]" and I quoted part of his conversation back to him.

He didn't respond for almost an hour, which I figured was his answer. He finally texted back while I was ugly-crying into my pillow, just to ask me why I looked at his chat logs.

I explained how I found them and then said that my snooping doesn't undo those things he said, and he told me it was all just "guy talk". He said that all guys talk like that in private, and it's basically just to get out criticisms so they don't "do it to a girl's face"

That seems like complete bullshit to me. I'm having a really hard time right now, though. I do love Andrew, and I thought he loved me. Part of me just wants to believe it was harmless banter.

But I also feel like I will never be able to unsee what he said about me.

tl;dr: I found some very nasty things my boyfriend said about me in private. I'm humiliated and crushed, but he says it didn't mean anything. Should I just end it?

Yuup

# ? Sep 7, 2017 22:06

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

maskenfreiheit posted:

A mutual friend raped somebody. My girlfriend and I have very different opinions about it

the comments section has some gems:

What.

If A had forced this victim to drive a vehicle while she was drunk and repeatedly telling him she didn't want to he'd go to jail for... Uh let's see... Kidnapping, deprivation of liberty, assault, reckless endangerment.. Uh... Is being a loving moron a crime?

Edit: IANAL, forcing someone to drink drive against their consent might actually be legal so please contact the police for advice before you do that.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 22:07

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# ? May 30, 2024 15:59

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

maskenfreiheit posted:

A mutual friend raped somebody. My girlfriend and I have very different opinions about it

the comments section has some gems:

it'd be one thing if it was a he said she said situation, you could forgive the gf for giving them the benefit of the doubt simply based on who she trusted more. The issue here is even in his own story he makes it pretty clear he pressured a drunk girl into sex she didn't want which is already bad enough on it's own. You don't need the even worse story to be true, he already admitted to doing something unforgivable.

# ? Sep 7, 2017 22:24

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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