/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Shugojin: Sep 6, 2007; THE TAIL THAT BURNS TWICE AS BRIGHT...

Hot Stunt posted:

My[28m] fiance[27F] lied about liking spicy food. I planned engagement party around spicy food. Fiance is no longer speaking to me.

How do you be in a relationship with someone for 3 years without figuring out their eating habits

She probably likes spicy things but has a maximum I would guess

# ? Sep 10, 2017 15:37

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# ? May 30, 2024 15:27

Lagomorphic: Apr 21, 2008; AKA: Orthonormal

Yeah it's not really ghosting when you send a breakup text and he just ignores it for two days while you do all the paperwork/legwork for a clean breakup.

# ? Sep 10, 2017 15:48

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

David Heinrich posted:

She didn't actually ghost him. She just dumped him. When someone texts you "It's obvious you don't actually care about me." And then doesn't respond to any of your messages after something like that, you have been broken up with. They don't need to write a loving message in the sky with an essay on how they're breaking up with you.

actually you need to utter the phrase "I'm breaking up with you" 3x or you're on the hook for another relationship period (anywhere from 30 days up to a year) for not giving proper notice

maskenfreiheit fucked around with this message at 15:51 on Sep 10, 2017

# ? Sep 10, 2017 15:49

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

My (24f) girlfriend (22f) of only 4 months made a copy of my house key and I'm creeped outRelationships

quote:

First-time poster, on mobile so sorry for format issues, etc.

I've been dating my current GF for about 4 months now and she's seemed really great so far, just a little clingy and overbearing but i found out literally 2 days ago that she has a copy of the key to my apartment which I did NOT make or give her.

A lil background: not long into the relationship (like 1-2 months) I had to go out of town for a couple days and needed someone to tend to my dog and GF insisted I let her do it so I did. That's the only time she could have made the copy which means she's had it for 2-3 MONTHS and hid it from me.

Anyway 2 days ago she met me after class and went home with me like always and when we went in the house, I noticed the dog's paws were dirty. He's strictly an indoor dog so I thouht that was weird and said so and GF just casually says "Sorry, probably got dirty when he got out this morning!" I questioned her about it and she just casually admitted that she came into my place after i left that morning and accidentally let the dog out. Is that creepy af or am I being sensitive? She told me about the key then got upset when I said it was weird and wouldn't give it back because "I might need her one day". We argued about it, I yelled and she left crying and now i feel guilty. I feel like maybe I was too harsh (I'm oversensitive about this stuff & I know it) but the idea of someone in my house without me knowing REALLY weirds me out. Am I being a jerk here or did she really overstep? And how do I handle it from here?

Tl;dr girlfriend made a copy of my house key and came into my place without permission and I don't know what to do about it

# ? Sep 10, 2017 15:51

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Nothing to worry about there, friend.

You might start a daily kidney inventory tho

# ? Sep 10, 2017 15:54

corn on the cop: Oct 12, 2012; Break what must be broken, once for all, that's all, and take the suffering on oneself.

â Corey Dostoyevsky

hmm yeah gonna hit that with a change your locks and :sever:

# ? Sep 10, 2017 15:54

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Ghosting is when they get up in the middle of dinner to go to the bathroom and dissappear so fully the cops start investigating you for as the prime suspect in a missing persons case and podcasts call you a murderer.

It is not you hurt them for the last time and dont bother to check in on thek when they dump you.

# ? Sep 10, 2017 15:55

corn on the cop: Oct 12, 2012; Break what must be broken, once for all, that's all, and take the suffering on oneself.

â Corey Dostoyevsky

ive never even loving heard of almond mashed potatoes. that's some serious effort.

# ? Sep 10, 2017 16:02

Barudak: May 7, 2007

corn on the cop posted:

ive never even loving heard of almond mashed potatoes

I assume almond milk instead of regular milk?

Almond juice loving sucks regardless of allergy.

# ? Sep 10, 2017 16:03

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Me [38 M] with my fiancee [35 F] for one year, she's moving to live with me in USA from Ukraine. How do I make her comfortable here?

quote:

So I met a wonderful woman online (OkCupid) from the Ukraine. We've been talking every day for a year and I've been twice to the Ukraine to visit her. I proposed on my second visit and we are getting married.

We're almost done with the immigration process and her interview is next week. I don't anticipate any issues with the interview so I think she'll be able to come to the USA towards the end of next month. We are both very excited and happy.

Now that the immigration process is almost done things are becoming real. I want her to be comfortable and happy here but I'm not sure the best way to do that? I've lived alone for the past 18 years so I don't even know what it's like to living with a significant other. I'm not sure I'm asking the right questions but any advice would be appreciated.

tl;dr: Foreign fiancee coming to US next month to live with me! How can I make her comfortable?

Just putting this here in anticipation of the follow-up post about him being out a retirement account and a kidney.

# ? Sep 10, 2017 16:07

Ugly In The Morning: Jul 1, 2010; Pillbug

maskenfreiheit posted:

My (24f) girlfriend (22f) of only 4 months made a copy of my house key and I'm creeped outRelationships

Yeah, that's a "change your locks, and your passwords, and check all your accounts for weird activity" level of weird there. Someone who makes a key to your house without asking is the type who'll snoop through all your digital stuff, too.

E:maybe check for nanny cams, too.

Ugly In The Morning fucked around with this message at 16:13 on Sep 10, 2017

# ? Sep 10, 2017 16:10

Barudak: May 7, 2007

La Brea Carpet posted:

Me [38 M] with my fiancee [35 F] for one year, she's moving to live with me in USA from Ukraine. How do I make her comfortable here?

Just putting this here in anticipation of the follow-up post about him being out a retirement account and a kidney.

Please do not rain on this mans happy 2 years of marriage followed by either more happy marriage or a brutal divorce and the appearance of so many relatives in her life his head spins.

# ? Sep 10, 2017 16:15

corn on the cop: Oct 12, 2012; Break what must be broken, once for all, that's all, and take the suffering on oneself.

â Corey Dostoyevsky

Lagomorphic posted:

Yeah it's not really ghosting when you send a breakup text and he just ignores it for two days while you do all the paperwork/legwork for a clean breakup.

my favorite part is that he only included the bit about the fight in the edit

# ? Sep 10, 2017 16:18

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

I'm pregnant and my boyfriend forgot my birthday

quote:

I'm now 22 he's also 22. I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant. Now we've only been dating 11 months. I know and we are having a baby. Trust me I wanted the "plan B option" but he wouldn't let me he said he'd leave me and sue me blah blah.

Well today was my birthday. I reminded him several times this month and last my birthday was today. We were both off all day. I realize about 2pm he just forgot it was today. So I went to get a pedicure for my self present because I know he didn't get me one. About 6 rolls around and we are going out to eat with my family. They all wish me happy birthday and bam! It hits him that he forgot my birthday. And he said happy birthday and I just said "uhuh".

After dinner we drove home and didn't really speak. His brother bought me flowers and had them delivered which was very sweet. My boyfriend asked if I was mad and I said "No I expected this".

My boyfriend has never bought me a gift. He's never paid for my dinner. On Valentine's Day we went out to a bar with his single friends. He wouldn't even by me a drink (I didn't know I was pregnant yet) his friend had to buy me a drink and his friend bought me a rose. He never says I love you anymore. He hasn't told me I'm pretty or cute or anything in months but went out of his way Thursday to tell me that a really hot porn star was in his lobby at work. So I know he's not blind lol.

I just don't know what to do. We are having a child. I'm financially independent 100% so money isn't an issue. I just feel like he doesn't love me. But won't leave me. Should this be the last straw. Maybe he will change. I don't want to raise a child as a single mother. I just feel like that would be unfair for my baby. Just to leave my boyfriend because he's not a Romeo. That's selfish. It's not like he beats me or cheats on me. I have no reason to have my daughter not have her father around all the time. I'm just so lost.

quote:

Not plan be but an abortion. I was already 9 weeks when I found out. My parents said I cannot put her up for adoption even though I literally do not want her but I will raise her amazingly because that is my responsibility. They said that I waited to long to tell them I wanted to put it up. That it's their grand child too

# ? Sep 10, 2017 16:19

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Gf [25f] wants to leave NY but my [28m] job ties us here. Gf is accusing me of being controlling despite me being the sole earner.

quote:

Hey all, would like some outsider advice as gf and I have been fighting over this for a while.

So we've been dating nearly 10 years now, and 6 years ago we moved to nyc for my job. I work in a specialized field in finance, and beyond New York, London, and Tokyo/Hong Kong there are really no cities where I'd be able to find meaningful work in my current field with salaries to match. It is simply a matter of market size/client base and not how I feel about these cities. This is important for later.

My gf and I met in high school and we separated for university. She went to a local community college, and I was lucky enough to go to a top 5 US college. We were still in adjacent states, so the distance wasn't too bad. Anyways, after I graduated she had already been home for a few months looking for jobs without much luck. I had scored several strong internships, and was offered a job at a big bank in nyc after graduating. I asked my gf if she wanted to move to the city with me, living with me, and she was ecstatic to leave her tiny town and be with me. Life was good for several years. I worked up in my company and moved laterally to a much more specialized field where I really excelled and started building my reputation. Since then my salary has been steadily growing and is now more than enough to very comfortably support both me and my gf.

During this time, my gf decided not to work due to recurring issues of depression and anxiety which started in her teenage years. We found really good professional therapy for her and she had a good routine of exercise, socializing with friends, outdoors activities, etc. I never asked her to do any serious housework (we had a biweekly cleaning service) and she never cooked (we almost always ate at restaurants or delivery). Her days were pretty much all "her time" and I encouraged her to pursue whatever she was interested in.

So in the past few months, one of her best friends moved to LA and has been blowing up fb/instagram with pictures of her new life. My gf has been getting really jealous, stating that LA is the kind of city she's always wanted to be in, that ny is too dirty, too cramped, too dark and cold which is exacerbating her depression and feelings of emptiness. She said LA was the perfect city, sunny with good air, and therefore the polar opposite of nyc. I tried to encourage her to resume therapy (which she has stopped in recent months) but she got mad at me. She said this is something that she doesn't want to be "convinced otherwise" because this is what she really wants for the first time in a while.

Well, I pretty much told her that unless she wants to completely upend our current lifestyle, I literally cannot move to LA and find a job of similar calibre/pay as we do right now. I am very familiar with the industry and this is just something that is a fact. She didn't believe me at first, saying that I don't know that unless I try job-searching there. I told her I'm very familiar with all the other major institutions/funds in the country and none of them run significant operations out of LA for what I do. She then asked if I could switch fields like I did years before, and I told her I genuinely don't want to because I'm finally seeing results where I am now.

Now we're at a complete standstill. She is accusing me of being controlling/manipulative because I don't want to move despite her mental welfare being at stake. I ask her if she's happy with our income being cut by half or more if we move, and she's quiet. She is convinced that we should MOVE first and then I can take my time to find a job in LA while using our savings as cushion. She is convinced that will work, and she's already started looking at houses in the area. She is also convinced that I have some sort of unspoken tie with nyc, which I absolutely don't. I don't love the city, but I just recognize that it is important for my career.

At this point I am also feeling hurt and a bit betrayed. I feel like I've been so supportive of her and her passions and hobbies over the years and she cannot grasp the importance of my career, the one that has been supporting BOTH of us. She accuses me of being controlling, and hearing that really hurts as well.

tl;dr: GF wants to leave nyc for la but my job is pretty much fixed to nyc at the moment. I am our sole provider and I wish she'd understand how important my career is, but gf accuses me of being controlling and manipulative by using my job as power over her. Feeling hurt and confused.

# ? Sep 10, 2017 16:20

corn on the cop: Oct 12, 2012; Break what must be broken, once for all, that's all, and take the suffering on oneself.

â Corey Dostoyevsky

quote:

My gf has been getting really jealous, stating that LA is the kind of city she's always wanted to be in, that ny is too dirty, too cramped, too dark and cold which is exacerbating her depression and feelings of emptiness. She said LA was the perfect city, sunny with good air

# ? Sep 10, 2017 16:22

Barudak: May 7, 2007

La Brea Carpet posted:

I'm pregnant and my boyfriend forgot my birthday

Im sorry that the US education and your social and peer group failed you so and allowed you to be flagrantly manipulated.

Get a lawyer though for child support.

# ? Sep 10, 2017 16:23

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Me [25 F] with my BF's [25 M - 6yrs] sister [23 F], fooled around and now I'm conflicted.

The obvious comedy option is to float the idea of a mff three-way to the bf and bf's sister, separately of course. If they're interested, tell them each you have a candidate in mind, but they're shy/have a particular kink or something, so it will be blindfolds and absolutely no talking the whole time. Drive one to a hotel and have the other arrive a few minutes later. Double check that the blindfolds are secure before they meet. It's up to you whether or not to have the big reveal at the end, or to just sneak out of the room and ghost the siblings forever!

# ? Sep 10, 2017 16:24

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

corn on the cop posted:

quote:
My gf has been getting really jealous, stating that LA is the kind of city she's always wanted to be in, that ny is too dirty, too cramped, too dark and cold which is exacerbating her depression and feelings of emptiness. She said LA was the perfect city, sunny with good air

uh

# ? Sep 10, 2017 16:25

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Ugly In The Morning posted:

E:maybe check for nanny cams, too.

Then masturbate furiously while gazing directly into each nanny cam.

# ? Sep 10, 2017 16:27

Barudak: May 7, 2007

maskenfreiheit posted:

Gf [25f] wants to leave NY but my [28m] job ties us here. Gf is accusing me of being controlling despite me being the sole earner.

Lets ignore the depression, your girlfriend is really really really dumb. And its not like "doesnt know things" dumb but "can not apply critical thinking to anything" dumb. Not only will she drain your bank account and your happiness, but god forbid you tey to have her socialize with the other head honcho wives, you will never get promoted or invited to amything.

# ? Sep 10, 2017 16:28

corn on the cop: Oct 12, 2012; Break what must be broken, once for all, that's all, and take the suffering on oneself.

â Corey Dostoyevsky

like if you think new york is too dirty and cramped then :lol:

just wait till you get to LA

also that dude's girlfriend is a leech who contributes nothing

# ? Sep 10, 2017 16:28

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Barudak posted:

Ghosting is when they get up in the middle of dinner to go to the bathroom and dissappear so fully the cops start investigating you for as the prime suspect in a missing persons case and podcasts call you a murderer.

It is not you hurt them for the last time and dont bother to check in on thek when they dump you.

Yeah I missed that final text of hers, that was just a breakup she's golden.

# ? Sep 10, 2017 16:33

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

His girlfriend is an idiot. That's pretty much it. He should remove her from his life for being incredibly stupid.

# ? Sep 10, 2017 16:33

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

maskenfreiheit posted:

Gf [25f] wants to leave NY but my [28m] job ties us here. Gf is accusing me of being controlling despite me being the sole earner.

# ? Sep 10, 2017 16:34

pidan: Nov 6, 2012

Move your stupid girlfriend to Hong Kong, it's warm and the air is reasonably good since its right by the sea.

# ? Sep 10, 2017 16:43

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

pidan posted:

Move your stupid girlfriend to Hong Kong, it's warm and the air is reasonably good since its right by the sea.

england is the new japan, if we go to london it will be like the hit bbc series dr who!

# ? Sep 10, 2017 16:44

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

What the gently caress does she add to the relationship? Aside from..... Nothing? I mean what if this is his last chance at love and he never finds another girl who's willing to literally ley him pay for everything?

Send her to LA by herself for a month. Cancel the return flight.

# ? Sep 10, 2017 17:02

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

maskenfreiheit posted:

Gf [25f] wants to leave NY but my [28m] job ties us here. Gf is accusing me of being controlling despite me being the sole earner.

He should buy his girlfriend a plane ticket to LA and tell her to move ahead of time while he organizes stuff in NY. Then break up with her over text during the flight. The best of both worlds!

# ? Sep 10, 2017 17:10

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Here's one where the title tells you all you need to know:

I [27M] broke up with my GF [24F] of 1,5 years because she cheated on me with a married man [45M]. Thinking of telling the wife [27F] as revenge.

# ? Sep 10, 2017 17:14

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; Can't post for 12 days!

The 'almonds in everything' is the most :psyduck:

story I've seen in a while, to the point that I actually doubt it to be true. It sounds like some contrived story to try to make the boyfriend look blameless in the end somehow and treat her breaking up with him as an overreaction.

# ? Sep 10, 2017 17:23

GamingHyena: Jul 25, 2003; Devil's Advocate

Barudak posted:

Lets ignore the depression, your girlfriend is really really really dumb. And its not like "doesnt know things" dumb but "can not apply critical thinking to anything" dumb. Not only will she drain your bank account and your happiness, but god forbid you tey to have her socialize with the other head honcho wives, you will never get promoted or invited to amything.

Girlfriend is dumb even by gold digger standards. Currently she lives a life of luxury where her boyfriend is okay with taking care of her every material want and does not expect her to contribute in any way to the household. Basically she's Jacqueline from Kimmy Schmidt without the kids or (presumably) the cheating husband. She wants to throw all that away...because someone's Instagram feed shows them having a fun time in LA?

Everybody knows, when you're riding the gravy train you don't shoot the conductor.

# ? Sep 10, 2017 17:26

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Panfilo posted:

It sounds like some contrived story to try to make the boyfriend look blameless in the end somehow

If by "make the boyfriend look blameless" you mean "make the boyfriend look like a monstrously idiotic rear end in a top hat who doesn't deserve his fiancee or any other partner", sure.

# ? Sep 10, 2017 17:32

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Inescapable Duck posted:

What is it with people who treat food allergies like some kind of personal affront, or assume it's the dreaded picky eater and become near homicidal over the mere idea of it

accommodating dietary restrictions is a minor inconvenience and like all minor inconveniences entirely justifies rewriting your own wedding to be all about spiting that person

it's just a shame she didn't stay for dessert, do you know how hard it is to plan out a faithful almond-themed adaptation of the Titus Andronicus dinner?

A Wizard of Goatse fucked around with this message at 18:01 on Sep 10, 2017

# ? Sep 10, 2017 17:56

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

GamingHyena posted:

Girlfriend is dumb even by gold digger standards. Currently she lives a life of luxury where her boyfriend is okay with taking care of her every material want and does not expect her to contribute in any way to the household. Basically she's Jacqueline from Kimmy Schmidt without the kids or (presumably) the cheating husband. She wants to throw all that away...because someone's Instagram feed shows them having a fun time in LA?

Everybody knows, when you're riding the gravy train you don't shoot the conductor.

Does she even realise she's a trophy wife?

The participation award of trophy wives.

E:I don't think she realises how hosed her life is without him. She's got no job experience, mental health problems, a massive sense of entitlement and (apparently) no critical thinking skills.

On top of that they're not married, so if he kicks her to the curb she might not even be able to drag him into the courts.

Outrail fucked around with this message at 18:00 on Sep 10, 2017

# ? Sep 10, 2017 17:56

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Haifisch posted:

Here's one where the title tells you all you need to know:

I [27M] broke up with my GF [24F] of 1,5 years because she cheated on me with a married man [45M]. Thinking of telling the wife [27F] as revenge.

# ? Sep 10, 2017 17:59

Adam Vegas: Apr 14, 2013

quote:

I (29/m) found out my best friend (31/m) is a bodyguard and now our friendship is deteriorating.

A while ago, my best friend who is like a brother to me was out of job. I bust my rear end helping him look for a new job. Finally, he got a job through my father's friend.
He claimed he was a personal care provider for his boss' father which I find rather odd, but let it go. I didn't think much of it at all.
I then noticed my friend was starting to dressing much neater and having lot more money. I tried to ask him about this which he claimed he was just paid well by his boss.

A few weeks ago, I learned from my father that my friend was actually hired as a bodyguard.
I was hurt by this. My father doesn't even consider recommending me for the job. Yet he helped my friend who is much smaller than me to get the job that pay way better than mine. I also was hurt that my friend never showed any interest in firearms whenever I'm around him. Shooting is one thing I enjoy doing that he has never shown any interest in.

I tried to approach my friend about this. He quickly shut the conversation down and refuse to have anything to do with it. He also repeatedly deny he know anything about firearms. He even turned down offer to go to shooting range.
He grudgingly admit he was actually a bodyguard, not personal care provider. He refuse to talk about how he got the job or give me any tips or anything.

I was hurt by this as I was the one who helped him got the job only to have him climb the ladder then kick it down. I'd love to get something better than what I am doing and be able to make more money but he isn't helping.
I was disappointed in the whole thing. I haven't brought it up to him, but he barely talk to me anymore.

My father isn't doing anything to help me get a better job. He just shrugs and say his friend personally showed interest in my friend and hired him, so there's nothing he can do about it.
I'm really hurt by this whole thing. I don't understand why they are all suddenly acting like this.
Tldr;
My dad helped my friend get a job as a bodyguard. When I found out, my friend became aloof and cold toward me and my dad doesn't want to help me get a better job. I'm hurt by this.

This one is hot off the press; posted 5 minutes ago.

What the actual gently caress is going on here? :psyduck:

Why is the OP so incomprehensible? Why is he so upset about his friend being a bodyguard rather than a 'personal care provider'?

It just reminds me of the ol' 'my sister put her hair back into a ponytail' post...

# ? Sep 10, 2017 19:04

Multilake: Dec 11, 2016; If you're in a jam, a crayon scrunched under your nose makes a good pretend moustache.

pidan posted:

Move your stupid girlfriend to Hong Kong, it's warm and the air is reasonably good since its right by the sea.

And it's squeaky clean for a metropolis

# ? Sep 10, 2017 19:07

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

Adam Vegas posted:

This one is hot off the press; posted 5 minutes ago.

What the actual gently caress is going on here?
Why is the OP so incomprehensible? Why is he so upset about his friend being a bodyguard rather than a 'personal care provider'?

It just reminds me of the ol' 'my sister put her hair back into a ponytail' post...

He's a bodyguard and gently caress toy, that's why he's so cagey about it. Stop being weird. He probably also had to sign an NDA regarding his actual duties and you trying to pry beyond his clear signal to stop is making him realize he can't talk to you anymore.

# ? Sep 10, 2017 19:07

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# ? May 30, 2024 15:27

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

Admiral Ray posted:

He's a bodyguard and gently caress toy, that's why he's so cagey about it. Stop being weird. He probably also had to sign an NDA regarding his actual duties and you trying to pry beyond his clear signal to stop is making him realize he can't talk to you anymore.

he's in the mob

# ? Sep 10, 2017 19:19

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