Strawman posted:

so the coaches are idiots, the players aren't good enough, and the president is a racist prick? how horrible, how dare they

Strawman posted:

so the coaches are idiots, the players aren't good enough, and the president is a racist prick? how horrible, how dare they

blue footed boobie posted:

We are trying extra super hard to beat the supposed avatars of his tyranny

Strawman posted:

the na'vi?

blue footed boobie posted:

http://deadspin.com/the-usmnt-doesnt-deserve-to-qualify-for-the-world-cup-1800851386

Troy Queef posted:

if I ever become an English teacher I'll punish students by forcing them to diagram a Billy Haisley sentence

quote:

At some point in your daily online existence, while either participating in or bearing witness to some argument or controversy, you will, without fail, discover that you have stumbled into a real life brain meme. In a world of reactions, counter-reactions, and counter-counter-reactions—each one served up so as to position its originator as the smartest, deepest, most enlightened person on the internet—the brain meme is the perfect illustration of intellectual one-upmanship taken to its illogical extreme.

If you’re not familiar with the particulars of this meme, here’s an example of one targeting the latest fashion microtrend, which shows how otherwise smart people manage to outthink themselves to absurd conclusions.

Troy Queef posted:

if I ever become an English teacher I'll punish students by forcing them to diagram a Billy Haisley sentence

Strawman posted:

so the coaches are idiots, the players aren't good enough, and the president is a racist prick? how horrible, how dare they

blue footed boobie posted:

We are trying extra super hard to beat the supposed avatars of his tyranny

blue footed boobie posted:

I'm thinking of writing an erotic novel on Arsenal


I've put a substantial amount of thought into this, and feel that I have identified a niche market. I'm making this thread to see if there's any particular demand for such material.

Over the past twenty years, one thing that has been massively overlooked is Wenger as a sex symbol. We can discuss his merits as a football manager and argue whether he was successful or not, but one thing that is particularly obvious to us is that despite his tender age there seems to be a very mysterious, almost sexual element to the way he operates and the way we perceive him. When he talks, you want to listen. There's a sexual aura surrounding him when he enters the room. There's a particular scent that draws you closer to him. Look at the way the man dresses, this is someone that has a lot of sex. Although none of this is documented.

49 shades of Wenger (49 is a tribute to the unbeaten run) aims to vividly capture what Wenger does behind closed doors with some of the players that he has attempted to lure in over the years. There is a reason why our stars have claimed Wenger was a major attraction to Arsenal, and this book will let you know why in as much detail as possible. I'm not going to ruin it for you, but I may post some excerpts if moderators will allow, in the coming days.

triple sulk posted:

[..]
There is a good reason why the footballing world refers to Wenger as Le Professeur. His knowledge extends beyond the realms of just football, which means that he can offer pastoral support and development to his players on and off the pitch. However, when such support is not appreciated it becomes an act of betrayal, as you would expect. Wilshere encountered this first hand during the summer of 2016.

Arsene, as usual, was in his office after training analysing the Arsenal vs Liverpool game from 1999 to get a better understanding on how to prepare for the 2016-17 season opener. To his annoyance, he is interrupted by a knock on his door.

“Boss, are you free?” questions Wilshere.

“Look, uh, if it’s about that raise I told you we would increase your weekly wage from £80,000 a week to £80,220 a week” replies Wenger.

“No, boss, it’s about my performance. I’m quite unhappy about the way I---”

Wenger interrupts, “Look, football is a bit like sex you know”

“Boss, that is the problem. Ever since I had that knock on my left ankle, I can’t seem to gently caress her right. She isn’t willing to go on top either, so we’re left in a bit of mess. It’s doing my head in” exclaims Wilshere, whilst clutching his ankle in despair.

There is a moment of silence. Wenger turns his chair around and looks into the beautiful greenery of the London colony whilst sexual thoughts in his head start to intensify.

“Boss, are you listening?”

“uh, I was distracted” says Wenger, as he turns his chair back around. “I have two options for you”.

“Go on, boss” says Wilshere.

“The first option is a simple one. Just don’t have sex”

“what’s the second option boss?” replies an inquisitive Wilshere.

“You can let me take care of her until you recover” says Wenger.

“That’s bollocks, boss!” says Wilshere, “have you not heard of the ‘half your age plus seven’ rule? You’re 66, so the youngest girl you can shag is 40. Adriani is 26. You’re having a laugh!”

“Look” says Wenger, “Diaby was the same. Rosicky was the same--” [referring to when aforementioned players had shared their wives with Arsene when physically unfit to please them]

“They’re foreign, boss. Us British lads would never settle for that.” says Wilshere, who at this point considers walking out.

“Ok. If this is the case, then I will send you to Bournemouth” says Wenger

“What do you mean?” questions Wilshere.

“Well Adriani is 26. Eddie Howe is 38. If you half his age and plus 7, he can help you out here” says Wenger, with a trademark smirk on his face.

“Don’t banter me off like this, boss!” says Wilshere, who at this point regrets opening up about his troublesome sex life.

There was no sympathy here, though. Wenger had made up his mind, for such disrespect was shown the moment Wilshere rubbished the idea of sharing his girlfriend.
[...]

quote:

the beautiful greenery of the London colony

Gigi Galli posted:

Yeah that's enough of that, which I'm sure all of you are reading "ironically".

big crush on Chad OMG posted:

Can we do an Arsenal fan fiction thread then ban everyone who posts in it?

Gigi Galli posted:

Yeah that's enough of that, which I'm sure all of you are reading "ironically".

TheBigAristotle posted:

Is this a ban on Haisley? The guy is an absolute goldmine of cringe-inducing run-on drivel

big crush on Chad OMG posted:

Can we do an Arsenal fan fiction thread then ban everyone who posts in it?

Weaponized Cum posted:

https://twitter.com/NathanAClark/status/906599053999435782

Weaponized Cum posted:

https://twitter.com/NathanAClark/status/906599053999435782

Crazy Ted posted:

I...don't know about this one:

https://twitter.com/davemkii/status/907927834999627781

Is it so Right Thread that it wraps around to Wrong Thread?

Crazy Ted posted:

I...don't know about this one:

https://twitter.com/davemkii/status/907927834999627781

Is it so Right Thread that it wraps around to Wrong Thread?

TheBigAristotle posted:

I think these are "heh"-worthy. Depends on what the rest look like

Bea Nanner posted:

vyelkin posted:

this one is okay because given all the recent revelations the nickname is probably accurate