/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

P-Mack: Nov 10, 2007

Beachcomber posted:

As recently as 30 years ago, anyone who wasn't a complete fuckup could get a job and be reasonably sure that they'd be able to keep it until they retired or they died. They were wrong, of course, but that's the way the culture still thinks and there's no way of knowing when that will change.

Stories like this are going to become a lot more common before it does.

You also had to be a straight white male.

# ? Sep 15, 2017 16:35

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# ? May 29, 2024 22:00

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

relevant to this thread's interests: True Story: Our Dogs Were on Prozac. Here�s What Happened.

My (19M) friends bought a prostitute and had her gently caress me when I was almost passed out from alcohol on my birthday. I really regretted the experience but never brought it up to my friends how much I did. I just found out I have an STI and am furious with them now. How do I bring this up?

So-called friends like that will only make fun of you for having gotten genital herpes my hooker. There's no point, just over that friendship

# ? Sep 15, 2017 16:37

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

P-Mack posted:

You also had to be a straight white male.

You're right. I often forget that I grew up in a very sheltered, rural monoculture where other kinds of people only existed on TV.

# ? Sep 15, 2017 16:47

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Me [28 M] with my GF [27 F] of 2 years, how do I handle the nothing fights?

quote:

Reddit, my girlfriend and I usually get along very well, and we have a good relationship. I really don't want to break up with her, just to be clear up front. I'm just looking for advice dealing with a recurring problem.

We get into fights about little things sometimes, and I never know how to avoid them, it feels like they just tend to escalate, usually she starts it because I've done something minor that bothers her.

The most recent one was today, I was making us both breakfast, I asked what she wanted she said a bowl of cereal. I poured us both a bowl of corn flakes and walked it out to her on the couch. She was upset that I'd used tap water instead of bottled, but she never said she wanted bottled.

I said I didn't know she wanted bottled, she said I should of asked, and it just escalated and now after we both got home from work it just feels like she's still bitter about the fight, and I'm afraid of talking to her because I don't want to incite it to happen again.

I know we're going to go to bed tonight, and by morning it'll be fine like nothing happened, but then a week later something else will come up and It'll happen all over again.

Is there a way to tell her that I just don't want to fight about something?

tl;dr: Feel like my small arguments with girlfriend always escalate into big arguments, would like skills to better handle situation

Comments get to the meat of the issue:

quote:

Does she pay attention to the little things for you? If so, it's time to start paying attention to the little things she likes. This will save you a lot of hassle. People in relationships bicker and argue about the dumbest crap, just make sure you communicate and you can eventually laugh at yourselves for getting bent out of shape for no reason. Communicate. Listen. Be kind to each other. Life is good. AND WHY THE gently caress ARE YOU BOTH PUTTING WATER ON YOUR CORN FLAKES?

quote:

Two things.
1. How did it escalate to a fight? I feel like even if she wasn't happy, you should have said sorry, and it should have ended. Did she escalate? Did you?

2. You use lukewarm tap water in your cereal instead of milk?

quote:

Do you seriously moisten your cereal with water...?

# ? Sep 15, 2017 16:50

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

chitoryu12 posted:

Me [28 M] with my GF [27 F] of 2 years, how do I handle the nothing fights?

Comments get to the meat of the issue:

I feel like the sort of person who puts bottled water on their cornflakes is the sort of person who escalates petty fights out of nothing because they're bored.

# ? Sep 15, 2017 16:55

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Beachcomber posted:

As recently as 30 years ago, anyone who wasn't a complete fuckup could get a job and be reasonably sure that they'd be able to keep it until they retired or they died. They were wrong, of course, but that's the way the culture still thinks and there's no way of knowing when that will change.

Stories like this are going to become a lot more common before it does.

The norm of keeping the same job for 30 years sounds pretty toxic to me personally despite this frequent lamentation. It sure seems to me like such a society would harshly judge folks who do leave their jobs to look for greener pastures - anyone who happens to get a bad manager or a hostile workplace is now looked at even more skeptically when they are applying for a new job at the age of 45 or whatever. At least in a culture that perpetuates short-term transactional employment won't look askance at those who leave for a good reason.

# ? Sep 15, 2017 16:56

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Look, Im going to be frank, I think we as a community have to chip in and help them in their relationship because they genuinely are never going to find another person to share their water cereal life with.

# ? Sep 15, 2017 16:56

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

The OP responded:

quote:

1. Well I said 'oh I didn't know you wanted evian in yours' and she says 'I always use evian' 'well I didn't know' 'but you should know' 'You should of told me' 'Even if I had would of you of', ect. I'm not looking for ways to WIN an argument I just want to not have them.

2. I used just turned the cold handle it's cold water

# ? Sep 15, 2017 16:58

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

The norm of keeping the same job for 30 years sounds pretty toxic to me personally despite this frequent lamentation. It sure seems to me like such a society would harshly judge folks who do leave their jobs to look for greener pastures - anyone who happens to get a bad manager or a hostile workplace is now looked at even more skeptically when they are applying for a new job at the age of 45 or whatever. At least in a culture that perpetuates short-term transactional employment won't look askance at those who leave for a good reason.

employers do look askance at people who leave for good reason, though, and I'm pretty sure the whole "if you have a gap in your employment record you may as well have a rape conviction" thing is a new development. there was simply a lot more demand and employers couldn't afford to be as incredibly picky as they can be now.

Outrail posted:

I feel like the sort of person who puts bottled water on their cornflakes is the sort of person who escalates petty fights out of nothing because they're bored.

their lives are alien to me and sort of repugnant

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:02

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

chitoryu12 posted:

The OP responded:

Yeah, she sounds like a bored pedantic twat looking for drama.

He needs to call her out on it, and if she doesn't stop leave her. It'll never end.

Or he's an oblivious twat, and she needs to call him out on it, and if he doesn't stop leave him. It'll never end.

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:04

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

What is the nicest way to tell my (F24) boyfriend (M24) that he is gross and needs to clean himself like a normal functioning adult?

quote:

Dating 4 months. I am the kind of person who cannot let dirty dishes rest in the sink for longer than an hour, flosses every single day, and is constantly scrubbing her bathroom. My boyfriend, not so much. I noticed pretty early on that organization/cleanliness wasn't as high a priority for him as it is for me, but at the time I only noticed things like clutter on his floor and unfolded clothes, so I figured it was a normal level of bachelor slob and that I could live with it. (I mean, I can get pretty messy too when I'm especially busy in lab and other things just take higher priority.) However, as we have grown more and more comfortable around each other, he has really begun to relax and reveal the true extent of his bachelor-frog-ness:

* He will wear the same clothing for days on end, even if he worked out in them
* In the morning he will often avoid brushing his teeth saying he'll do it after he eats "because then I can be even cleaner," and then he'll conveniently "forget" after breakfast
* He doesn't wash his hair because he read somewhere that the oils in your hair will reach equilibrium and you will no longer look greasy. This may be true for some people, but it does not seem true for him. Plus, I think you are still supposed to rinse your hair, just not use shampoo, and he doesn't always rinse his hair regularly because:
* He will go multiple days without showering properly (he does usually shower right before seeing me thankfully, but on days when I catch him by surprise he is usually unshowered)
* I have not investigated his hairy man rear end but judging from smellz once or twice during oral, I am not convinced he wipes well every time
* One time I walked in on him in the bathroom and he was wiping his penis on the curtain
* After sex, I always go and pee while he throws away the condom... or that was the plan, anyway. I helped him move out of his sublet this month and found something like 30 used condoms under his bed because he "must just have forgotten"
* When he masturbates he just lets his jizz dry wherever it may land (he thinks I don't know this, but the suspiciously discolored/stiff spots on his blankets are one of many signs). He always washes his dick in the sink before we have sex and claims it is because he just "really likes being clean"... the one time I pinned him down and took off his pants for a sexy surprise, his pubes were all crusty

The thing is, as foul as all this makes him sound, he doesn't come off as obviously foul when you meet him. He doesn't smell horrible (just strongly like deodorant, which I suspect he rubs all over his body when he doesn't want to bathe). He is actually pretty stylish. He works as a programmer in a research context, spending most of his time alone or hanging out with equally gross computer scientists, so there has been little incentive for him to clean up in the past because nobody seems to care that much. I am his first girlfriend and probably the only one of his friends who is habitually close enough in his personal space to notice when his breath is funky or he has dirt encrusted on the back of his neck. Actually, most of the stuff I outlined above he probably thinks I haven't noticed, because he always tries to clean himself up and hide the signs if he knows we're meeting up.

I suspect that a lot of his gross behavior is really just because he thinks he's getting away with it, rather than actually enjoying being this gross in itself--I've observed him getting a little cleaner when he finally realizes that other people are judging him (he's started brushing his teeth and washing his clothes more often, for instance), and he often tries to pretend that he actually really prizes hygiene, even commenting on his coworkers' BO etc. I've tried subtly hinting to him that he should clean up, and he always says, "Oh yeah, I should do that," and then he'll make sure to clean better right before I show up at his place, but if I ever spot him around town on a day when we don't have anything planned he'll be all gross again. Clearly, subtlety is not working. However, I don't want to completely shame him either, nor do I want to have to be his mom and nag him all the time. I'm okay with a certain level of messiness--this isn't a total dealbreaker for me, especially because the rest of our relationship is actually so darn good. I can even live with the general messiness of his home/personal space were we to move in together--it's just his personal hygiene that really bothers me. I know that I can't really change him fundamentally, but can I at least get him to wipe his rear end better?

tldr: My boyfriend is gross. What's the best way to get him to be just a little cleaner?

Dunk this motherfucker in bleach before he wipes pee on your shower curtains again.

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:05

Panfilo: Aug 27, 2011; Can't post for 13 days!

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

The norm of keeping the same job for 30 years sounds pretty toxic to me personally despite this frequent lamentation. It sure seems to me like such a society would harshly judge folks who do leave their jobs to look for greener pastures - anyone who happens to get a bad manager or a hostile workplace is now looked at even more skeptically when they are applying for a new job at the age of 45 or whatever. At least in a culture that perpetuates short-term transactional employment won't look askance at those who leave for a good reason.

Yeah I mean how much would it suck to have the security to be able to make long term plans in a given geographic area and not have the flexibility to bounce all over the place in the far superior gig economy? :allears:

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:11

Shugojin: Sep 6, 2007; THE TAIL THAT BURNS TWICE AS BRIGHT...

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

relevant to this thread's interests: True Story: Our Dogs Were on Prozac. Here’s What Happened.

My (19M) friends bought a prostitute and had her gently caress me when I was almost passed out from alcohol on my birthday. I really regretted the experience but never brought it up to my friends how much I did. I just found out I have an STI and am furious with them now. How do I bring this up?

I'm just going to never click the link so that I can pretend the quote is somehow the direct result of giving dogs Prozac

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:13

Waci: May 30, 2011; A boy and his dog.

Yea what kind of a poo poo-sculpted moron wants anything else than what I do?

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:13

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

Panfilo posted:

Yeah I mean how much would it suck to have the security to be able to make long term plans in a given geographic area and not have the flexibility to bounce all over the place in the far superior gig economy?

Who the gently caress doesn't want entry level pay for their entire life

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:15

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

relevant to this thread's interests: True Story: Our Dogs Were on Prozac. Here’s What Happened.

My (19M) friends bought a prostitute and had her gently caress me when I was almost passed out from alcohol on my birthday. I really regretted the experience but never brought it up to my friends how much I did. I just found out I have an STI and am furious with them now. How do I bring this up?

In some circles having an active genital herpes infection is a sign of great wealth.

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:19

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Panfilo posted:

Yeah I mean how much would it suck to have the security to be able to make long term plans in a given geographic area and not have the flexibility to bounce all over the place in the far superior gig economy?

Until you get a boss that hates you for being gay and every other company only hires fresh-faced college students for peanuts and simply have no clue why you'd ever leave IBM - it must be something you did.

Yes obviously if you wanna live in the middle of nowhere where there are three employers for everyone, it pays for them to show some loyalty, but I'd rather neither me nor my employer pretend to be loyal to one another than the one-sided 30-year nonsense of yesteryear.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS fucked around with this message at 17:24 on Sep 15, 2017

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:22

LeafHouse: Apr 22, 2008; That's what you get for not hailing to the chimp!

That water cereal post has to be a troll. How else could not one but two people use water instead of milk?? And bottled water too? Get real. Where the gently caress would you even get the idea to do that?

Admiral Ray posted:

In some circles having an active genital herpes infection is a sign of great wealth.

Lmao

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:25

goethe.cx: Apr 23, 2014

LeafHouse posted:

That water cereal post has to be a troll. How else could not one but two people use water instead of milk?? And bottled water too? Get real. Where the gently caress would you even get the idea to do that?

that was my thought, it's too hosed up to believe

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:26

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Koyaanisgoatse posted:

that was my thought, it's too hosed up to believe

Given how deftly they dodge answering the cereal question head on, assuredly yes.

That or crippling aquatism.

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:32

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

My interpretation is that he brought her a glass of water with her cereal. Dude doesn't exactly communicate well. The thought of soggy corn flakes makes me want to barf.

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:32

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

My (19M) friends bought a prostitute and had her gently caress me when I was almost passed out from alcohol on my birthday. I really regretted the experience but never brought it up to my friends how much I did. I just found out I have an STI and am furious with them now. How do I bring this up?

Stories like this are kind of interesting because it basically describes how this dude got raped but since he uses so much active language it makes it sound like he was into it despite saying things like "I feel like my autonomy was violated" and "I feel terrible and really angry about it". Like if he said "They bought a hooker and she came in and hosed me while I was incoherently drunk and I got the herps from it" then man that sure is an open and shut case.

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:36

goethe.cx: Apr 23, 2014

dude needs to delete that post and sue the poo poo out of his friends imo

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:37

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

My[21 M] girlfriend[21 M/F] of 8 months said that she will sleep with another guy because I had sex before meeting her

Lol if you don't stay a devoted chaste monk waiting for your future one true love while praying to ~~Satan~~ Jesus in 2017

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:37

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Who even uses a bowl for their cereal anymore, anyway?

Put it in a large glass and drink it like a man :colbert:

* literally a thing I have done when I was too lazy to do the dishes and had no clean bowls left.

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:38

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Grab a handful of cereal from the box and then take a swig of milk and you have yourself an avant-garde deconstructed cereal experience.

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:40

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

Koyaanisgoatse posted:

dude needs to delete that post and sue the poo poo out of his friends imo

If he sued his friends he'd probably win a bunch of vaping accessories and a coupon redeemable for a free toothless blowjob from the hooker who gave him herpes.

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:41

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

Straight White Shark posted:

Grab a handful of cereal from the box and then take a swig of milk and you have yourself an avant-garde deconstructed cereal experience.

I have done this. I'm a visionary. I'm a pioneer. I'm human, and I'm barely able to feed myself!

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:42

Demon Of The Fall: May 1, 2004; Nap Ghost

Clark Nova posted:

My interpretation is that he brought her a glass of water with her cereal. Dude doesn't exactly communicate well. The thought of soggy corn flakes makes me want to barf.

This was mine as well.

Water...from the TAP?? *throws in stunned boyfriends face*

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:44

goethe.cx: Apr 23, 2014

Clark Nova posted:

If he sued his friends he'd probably win a bunch of vaping accessories and a coupon redeemable for a free toothless blowjob from the hooker who gave him herpes.

if i were in his place i probably wouldn't care about winning money damages immediately (what would he do with them, anyway), i'd be more delighted at the prospect of my friends getting their credit scores hosed and having their wages garnished for years

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:44

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

chitoryu12 posted:

What is the nicest way to tell my (F24) boyfriend (M24) that he is gross and needs to clean himself like a normal functioning adult?

Dunk this motherfucker in bleach before he wipes pee on your shower curtains again.

Don't gently caress people like this wtf!!!!!!

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:45

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Clark Nova posted:

My interpretation is that he brought her a glass of water with her cereal. Dude doesn't exactly communicate well. The thought of soggy corn flakes makes me want to barf.

He was asked about why he put lukewarm water in his cereal and he defended it with "It was cold water."

Not "I don't put water in my cereal." He took umbrage at the idea that he would use lukewarm water for his cereal.

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:47

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

relevant to this thread's interests: True Story: Our Dogs Were on Prozac. Here’s What Happened.

My (19M) friends bought a prostitute and had her gently caress me when I was almost passed out from alcohol on my birthday. I really regretted the experience but never brought it up to my friends how much I did. I just found out I have an STI and am furious with them now. How do I bring this up?

Waaaaa, I drank too much. Waaaaa, I did coke. Waaaaaa I hosed a prostitute. Completely predictable results happened as a result of my behaviour. It's not faaaaair!

Get over it, you loving baby, and take responsibilty for your actions.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:48

goethe.cx: Apr 23, 2014

^^^^

quote:

Me [24F] with my SO [24M]. He saw a stain on my pants and questioned if it was .. bodily fluids.

As the title states... this is so ridiculous.

My boyfriend and I were at dinner and he looked down and saw a mystery white stain on my pants. I had not even known it was there but I am a very sloppy person so it didn't surprise me. He seemed really concerned and was like uhh what is that? I explained I didn't know and it was weird because I had brought them to the dry cleaner but they must have missed it or oh well, must have spilled something. I answered calmly and explained this. He would NOT LET it go. It ruined our entire dinner. I seriously thought it was a joke.

Things smoothed over and we talked as normal but he kept bringing it up somehow. I had gone away last weekend so he asked what I wore and I told him. The pants with the stain were at his apartment while I was away so there was NO WAY I could have worn them anyway. At this point I am starting to get really aggravated and raising my voice. He comes from a house hold that was far from stable and has major trust issues and our relationship started rocky. It is far from perfect but we compliment each other in ways for each other that are great. It's just these trust things. I forgot to mention I have never cheated on him.

The final straw was when we got home and I was doing laundry and he said "'maybe you should wash those pants to get that mystery stain out too..." I lost my poo poo and stormed out and drove back to my parents. Am I overreacting? I really am offended that he would think I would cheat on him or even just sleep around in general. Not that that is a bad thing but he should know MY character and that's not it. I don't think I want to talk to him until I get a sincere apology. How should I approach this Reddit..

tl:dr- boyfriend saw a stain on my pants and is convinced it is someone else's semen.... thought it was a joke and it isn't. I am offended and I don't think he thinks he did anything wrong.

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:50

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

chitoryu12 posted:

What is the nicest way to tell my (F24) boyfriend (M24) that he is gross and needs to clean himself like a normal functioning adult?

Dunk this motherfucker in bleach before he wipes pee on your shower curtains again.

quote:

The thing is, as foul as all this makes him sound, he doesn't come off as obviously foul when you meet him.

I don't believe you. Just admit your childhood crush was the garbage pile in Fraggle Rock and move on.

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:50

Piell: Sep 3, 2006; Grey Worm's Ken doll-like groin throbbed with the anticipatory pleasure that only a slightly warm and moist piece of lemoncake could offer; Young Orc

tactlessbastard posted:

Waaaaa, I drank too much. Waaaaa, I did coke. Waaaaaa I hosed a prostitute. Completely predictable results happened as a result of my behaviour. It's not faaaaair!

Get over it, you loving baby, and take responsibilty for your actions.

It can be rape even if it happens to man, you know

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:51

LeafHouse: Apr 22, 2008; That's what you get for not hailing to the chimp!

tactlessbastard posted:

Waaaaa, I drank too much. Waaaaa, I did coke. Waaaaaa I hosed a prostitute. Completely predictable results happened as a result of my behaviour. It's not faaaaair!

Get over it, you loving baby, and take responsibilty for your actions.

Yeah! If you do drugs you should expect that a prostitute will rape and disease you.

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:51

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Koyaanisgoatse posted:

Me [24F] with my SO [24M]. He saw a stain on my pants and questioned if it was .. bodily fluids.

Don't date people with major trust issues.

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:52

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

LeafHouse posted:

Yeah! If you do drugs you should expect that a prostitute will rape and disease you.

Piell posted:

It can be rape even if it happens to man, you know

He wasn't raped, and if you are going to call that rape, it wasn't the prostitute that raped him, it was his friends. Rape.

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:57

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# ? May 29, 2024 22:00

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Koyaanisgoatse posted:

^^^^

Don't date Kenneth Starr

# ? Sep 15, 2017 17:57

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