DragQueenofAngmar posted:

Admiral Ray posted:

Getting into trouble as a kid and having a child at 13 years old strike me as different things. Like, where is this dudes mom? Was she also 13?

Bertrand Hustle posted:

"Getting into trouble" means he was having sex. Because he's good-looking. How is this a difficult concept?

quote:

Last weekend my friend and I, we'll call him John, were hanging out and taking a ride to grab to some food. During the car ride we began to discuss his relationship. Long story short him and his girlfriend of 4 years have been having major relationship issues. The relationship had technically been "open" for a while but she broke it off completely to get her head straight just recently.

I figured this was just normal college kid relationship turmoil but John decided to tell me some details about what was going on. He told me that twice in the past year they had been having sex when she told him she was done. John, being drunk on one occasion and sober on the other told her he wasn't done and continued for 45 minutes until he finished. By the end she was curled up in the fetal position crying. This was what caused the main turmoil in the relationship.

This shocked me because John is one of the last people I would've expected to hear this from. After thinking about it for a few days I am fully realizing how hosed up it actually is. How would you guys handle this?

tl;dr: Friend admitted to some very abusive sexual behavior with his GF and I don't exactly know how I should handle this. Distance myself? Maybe try to gain more info to help figure out if it's as bad as it seems?

Admiral Ray posted:

Me [21M] with my friend [21 M] admitted to some pretty hosed up poo poo involving his GF [21F]. How should I handle this? Non-Romantic (self.relationships)


Try , OP.

PetraCore posted:

What is he even doing that took so long?

quote:

Together just under a year. For the most part I think our relationship is pretty good. We have our differences but nothing super major and I'm very happy with him.

The other day I was trying to log into his email while he wasn't home to find a confirmation and he couldn't remember what his password was. He told me he had it written down in a notebook on his desk. I opened it up and it was full of all kinds of random notes. So I was thumbing through it looking for the password and stumbled on a pro/con list that was clearly about it me.

My name wasn't listed anywhere but it had stuff that could only apply to me. My job as well as hair color was in the "pros" column while my anxiety, the fact that I have a lot of guy friends (???), and "weird teeth" was in the cons.

Primarily I was super insulted. Okay, I do have a lot of guys friends, and I do tend to be really anxious. I don't see having male friends as a "con" though and my teeth aren't weird as far as I know. They're not perfect, blinding white but they're straight, clean, and not overly stained. I was also pretty insulted that something has insignificant as my hair color was considered a "con".

But that's besides the point. I guess what I'm most upset about is that he has a list at all. I mean, I get it to a degree. I've done the same thing mentally. "He's a bit messy but I've never met someone so funny" type thing. But I've never felt the need to physically write it out.

I feel like he's on the verge of breaking up with me, or was thinking about it. Nothing in our relationship has made me think he's anything but happy, though.

Do I bring it up to him or just forget about it? Is this more common than I think it is? What do I do?

tl;dr: My boyfriend wrote out a pro/con list about me. I don't know what to do/ Do I confront him or just forget what I saw?

Haifisch posted:

I [25F] found my boyfriend's [28M] pro/con list about me. I don't know how to feel.

David Heinrich posted:

I honestly have to marvel at his "maybe I need more perspective on this" poo poo. Like, it's coming from the guy who did it, the most likely to talk down the thing, and it's still unambiguously rape. What the gently caress other perspective could he possibly get to make it worse?

Haifisch posted:

I [25F] found my boyfriend's [28M] pro/con list about me. I don't know how to feel.

Dienes posted:

Wait, so was her hair color a pro or a con?

Bertrand Hustle posted:

Raping his girlfriend. loving his dick.

Pick posted:

because his pros and cons are loving stupid as poo poo, jesus christ

"hair color"?? how about "stock portfolio"?????

Haifisch posted:

I [25F] found my boyfriend's [28M] pro/con list about me. I don't know how to feel.

Admiral Ray posted:

Your boyfriend is a robot and when confronted with emotional risk creates an actual, physical, risk assessment based on Logic and Reason™. Conform and be embraced!

Pick posted:

if hugh had done this he would have accepted me....

quote:

tl;dr: My mom flipped out on her friend and me in front of 30 people at a bar, because I wanted to take her up on the offer to buy me a new full size mattress, but pay the same amount for a queen and I'll pay the difference. Was told I was entitled. Mom's friend backed me up and the poo poo hit the fan quickly. Need advice on what to do next.

Edit: I informed Jessica my parents were considering not renting the apartment to her. She said that she figured that much since my mom has been very upset with her and not really being nice to her. She is renewing her lease to her current place.

This is going to be a long post, so I apologize in advance for the wall of text you are about to read, but thank you for taking the time to read it.

I am moving out of my parents house into a loft the first weekend of October. The past month or so my mom and I have been discussing different things I will need for my new place and all the decorations I will have. About a day or two ago my mom informed me that once I move out that she will turn my room into a guest bedroom. I can't take my bed frame with me due to me having a Murphy bed instead, so my parents were going to keep it until I moved somewhere else. In that same conversation she told me that she would be turning my room into a guest bedroom she offered to keep my mattress and just buy me a new one. I, for one, was not expecting this offer, but it was kind and I said that I would consider it. Yesterday, the guy that I'm renting the loft from said that he would like to do a queen murphy bed instead of a full sized (which is what I currently have). I thought I'd propose the idea to my mom that I would take the offer on the full size mattress and pay the difference for the queen, and if she didn't want to do that I would just take the mattress I bought myself.

On Tuesday, my mom texted my dad and I that she would like to meet up with us for two dollar margaritas at this bar near by. I showed up, however my dad could not make it. Originally, I was going to decline to get some stuff done (I am a bridesmaid in a wedding this weekend so I wanted to go home and do a few things to get ready for it), but I had decided that I would go for one drink and have fun with my mom. I only turned 21 a few months ago and I hadn't really gone out with my mom and thought it would be fun. So, I leave work and go straight to the bar. As soon as I got there I noticed that my mom was a little miffed. Immediately when I sat down she started talking about some lady she had gotten into a facebook comment war with and how this lady was a major bitch. --I should mention that my mom and I work at the same company. Different floors and departments, but generally we know the same people. My mom had also invited her friend, Jessica, from work with us. I have been around them several times in a more social environment.-- Anyway, for the short time we were all there together my mom was pretty much on her phone the entire time arguing with this random facebook lady. At first it wasn't too bad and my mom, Jessica, and I were talking about my loft. Different ideas and that all the appliances were being installed next week. At this point I ask my mom about my idea for the queen mattress. At first she seemed receptive and then she said that she didn't know if she wanted to pay full price for a mattress that has been used for a year. I completely understand that so I said that was fine.

Side note that I feel like has a factor to this issue I am having: My mom has thought for so long that a queen and full mattress were the same size. Anytime this has been brought up I just drop it because it is not worth arguing over. When I brought up the topic of getting a queen she told me that I was wrong about them being different sizes and to "look it up". Jessica backed me up and said that they were indeed different sizes. My mom then looked it up herself and found that she was wrong. I knew that my mom did not like that Jessica agreed with me about the size difference, because it made her look silly.

After that my mom went quite. She probably spoke one sentence after I had asked her that. She continued on her phone and I could see that she was on facebook typing away. There were a couple of weird silences and then Jessica and I started talking asking each other questions. We were having a great conversation and my mother was hardly contributing to it. We had really only been there for about 30 minutes. The waitress comes back by and asks if there is anything else that she can do for us, and that is when things went down hill. My mom says in a really angry tone that she wants her check. Jessica asks my mom if everything is okay, and my mom looks at me and says "I'm sick of the way she treats me and how entitled she is."

At this moment, I am shell shocked. I ask her what she is talking about and she says "Oh of course play the victim like you always do." I am just really confused at this point because I legitimately have no idea what she is talking about. She starts telling me that I am rude and how I snapped at her last week --which we talked about calmly and got over it-- and I asked her what that had to do with why she is acting this way now. She then tells me that I am entitled and disrespectful to assume that my parents would pay full price for a mattress that was a year old. I told her that it really wasn't a big deal and I just wanted to see if it was something that she was interested in doing since she offered to pay for a new mattress for me. My mom's reaction was so abrupt and shocking that Jessica and I were staring at each other as if to say "what the actual gently caress is going on." Jessica then backs me up and says she's a tad confused at my mother's sudden reaction. I then tell my mom that I never would have thought that she was upset with me and thought that she was upset with the lady on facebook. Jessica agreed with me.

I knew when Jessica was backing me up that it would piss my mom off. She already agreed with me that queen and full mattress are different sizes --my mom has believed they were the same size for years. No one goes against her word, and no one dares make her look stupid. After my mom receives the check she grabs it, stands up over me and points at my face and says that she doesn't have to explain anything to me. After she walks over to Jessica and says the same thing while pointing in her face. Then proceeds to tell her that she is pissed at her. My mom storms off after that. I'm sitting at the table crying because I feel so confused and angry that she just humiliated me in front of 30 people. Thankfully Jessica stays to talk to me. She tells me that she is so confused and has never ever seen my mom like that. I tell her that she regularly talks to me that way but it has never been unprovoked like that before. In the past I know that I have been an rear end in a top hat or have smarted off, but this time I can honestly say that this was out of the blue.

Of course my mom heads straight home and tells my dad everything. My mom embellishes so much and makes it seem like it is Jessica and I that were ganging up on her. My dad would barely talk to me when I got home later that night -- no way I was going home after that poo poo. I know she just made it seems that we were just being so unreasonable and ganging up on her. How entitled I am because I took her up on her offer and tried to work it out.

This morning my mom said that we needed to talk after work and I told her no. I have a wedding that I am and have been looking forward to this for a long time. No way was I going to let her ruin this for me. Anyway, she agreed to talk after this weekend, but now she is telling me that she is wary of letting Jessica move in to their garage apartment. For months they have been talking about renting this place out to Jessica and it is two months away. I think this is entirely unfair for them to do, but then again I want to warn Jessica because if she doesn't get to move in then she needs to know now.

My question is, am I crazy? Does this sound right to you? Should I tell Jessica what my mom said?

I am going to see a counselor and talk about this situation with her and see what she thinks too but I just need some outside perspective. Also, I have little sisters that are quite a bit younger than me and I am absolutely terrified that this behavior will continue. I love them so much and they do not deserve this kind of treatment. My 18 year old sister is moving out too because of my mother's behavior. She is causing a rift in our family and I can't handle it anymore. I don't even know if I can forgive her anytime soon for this. I'm hurt, confused, and feel like I've been used as a scapegoat.

Thank you so much for reading. This is a wonderful community and I appreciate any comments.

Absurd Alhazred posted:

I don't think so, Pick.

Pick posted:

what do you know you ain't my stockbroker

quote:

We've been dating for 8 months. I always knew this was an issue, from random remarks he'd make. But yesterday I've had enough when we were having dinner with friends and my bf was drunk. He told his friends: "I really wanted Kat (a Russian girl friend of his). Only lightskin girls are attractive. drat I love their pink nipples; can't stand that dark stuff." Then he looks at me and says "but she has an amazing personality, she's great too" and pulls me in for a hug. I was VERY embarrassed as he did this in front of all his friends and I was the only dark-skinned person in that group. I felt othered.

My boyfriend is Filipino and his culture heavily prizes light skin and Eurocentric features. I am Indian, with dark skin. I've always been aware that my boyfriend "settled" as he told me that he was trying to date this Kat girl, but she had a boyfriend and is 7 years younger than himself. He's always comparing me to the way she looks. He's told me that his ex is prettier than me, that his sister is prettier than me. He once called me a butterface but said he was joking.

The thing is, he's not lying. His sister and Kat are objectively prettier (also much younger) than myself, so I don't know if I should feel angry because I shouldn't expect him to lie. He's made comments about my dark skin. I know he loves me for my personality, he's said that many times and he really treats me well. When he makes these mean remarks about my appearance, I don't think he's being spiteful- he's just a very blunt person and sometimes he'll even say it in a tactful way. I know he loves me, but not my looks. I don't think he's a bad person just because he doesn't enjoy my looks. I am not that pretty, no matter how much makeup I wear or pounds I lose. I know he worships white girls and really wanted to date one, but they are not into him. He even told one of his friends that I'm a white girl (this friend has never met me). I know he wants to be with me in the long run as he wants to marry me and has introduced me to his family as "The One." We are serious about each other.

But deep down, this whole thing bugs me. He may love me, but I'll always be that girl he settled for but eventually loved, and possibly never been seen as beautiful. Sex is awkward because he doesn't make me feel sexy enough. I brought it up to him once and he did apologize and that just resulted in him showering me with insincere compliments. I want him to be real with me. Is our relationship sustainable in the long run? How do I deal with this?

tl;dr: Boyfriend likes white girls, I am not white. We love each other- he finds my personality attractive, but not my looks. I don't like this and don't know what to do.

Absurd Alhazred posted:

If you say so.

Edit: Content!

My [23F] boyfriend [25 M] settled for me but he isn't happy with my race or the way I look

Admiral Ray posted:

ArbitraryC posted:

That red flag's so huge it takes an ac penalty.

Absurd Alhazred posted:

It's got a reach of 2, though!

Haifisch posted:

Me [21F] with my Mom [40F] flipped out on her friend and I in the middle of a restaurant yesterday. Dumbfounded and confused.

areyoucontagious posted:

I agree that the story seemed a little too loaded, but might some of that might be a guy not willing to acknowledge that he was raped because our culture repeatedly tells us that men can't be raped?

Absurd Alhazred posted:

It's got a reach of 2, though!

ArbitraryC posted:

maybe she can't leave cause of the grappling bonuses

Pvt.Scott posted:

I had the same problem. I tried to laugh it off with, "at least I got laid," and joking about being amazed my dick was still functional while I was passed out drunk. I didn't even find out until about six months after it happened, because nobody told me about it until I asked why the futon I had passed out on was now called the "sex futon".

cyberia posted:

I genuinely cannot parse what the gently caress this novel is about.

Absurd Alhazred posted:

"So what, my friends paid a sex worker to rape me, nbd!"

ITM posted:

Me [37M] with my wife [37F]and her socially awkward brother [20M] wants to watch us have sex to learn how to do it.

Admiral Ray posted:

Wait, this dude's dad was 13 when he was born?

YeahTubaMike posted:

"BE Shinull" is definitely fake as hell

Khazar-khum posted:

My niece had her first kid a few weeks before her 14th birthday. She was 16 when she had number 2. She's married now, and raising kids with different fathers, so Father's Day is a real clusterfuck.

cyberia posted:

I genuinely cannot parse what the gently caress this novel is about.