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CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:Paladins are freaks, let me tell you. You are not kidding, it's like they save all the vice for the bedroom. And blackguards, wow
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Sep 14, 2017 08:57
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Al Borland Corp. posted:Haha holy poo poo your talking about Gerald? One time a loving burglar snuck into his house through the laundry room to steal his tv and fell into the pocket dimension where he set off, like, ALL the traps. Gerald has it on video and shows it sometimes at house parties. I have never seen some poor bastard so thoroughly destroyed. Gerald has got his poo poo on lock, mad respect. The cherry on top was the last trap shunted that burglar off into a closed timelike loop that begins when he hit the first trap. And a neat little variation on Causal Consciousness means that the guy not only experiences every trap in the moment, but he remembers all the past run throughs too. I think Gerry originally devised this to power his home when he was trying to bang that corrupted were-druid, but once that didn't work out he kept it going as background noise.
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Sep 14, 2017 19:37
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I did not realize that. Jesus if that guy ever escaped the loop he'd be the greatest theif in the world.
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Sep 14, 2017 20:24
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Al Borland Corp. posted:I did not realize that. Jesus if that guy ever escaped the loop he'd be the greatest theif in the world.  so much EXP
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Sep 14, 2017 20:33
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I'm sure Gerald will never have a group of adventurers accidentally free that guy and eventually have some sort of cosmic comeuppance. After all, I "bent" that Law. : 
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Sep 14, 2017 23:15
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I'm not too familiar with local courts, but some court jackass pissed me off, so i put a curse in a simple runeword trap. Problem is, he was cooking dinner for the local lord when it went off. It was a quiet activation, blink and you miss it, but it gives the afflicted stinky cum, stinky balls, and stinky pussy if it's a lady. the kind of stank that stanks through clothing and hangs in the air. nothing subtle about it. well everyone who ate food he prepared has been afflicted. the curse has attached itself to his cooking utensils, and he's basically typhoid marry. Word is, nobody can enter the castle without gagging and puking  The king is due for a royal visit in a few days and i'm looking forward to seeing that play out
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Sep 14, 2017 23:20
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POWER WORD: STINKYBALLS
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Sep 14, 2017 23:22
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basic hitler posted:I'm not too familiar with local courts, but some court jackass pissed me off, so i put a curse in a simple runeword trap. Problem is, he was cooking dinner for the local lord when it went off. Haha, noice.
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Sep 15, 2017 00:11
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prophet45 posted:Yeah, I'll freely admit that I'm kinda new to this, though I did get named top three up and coming wizards of Cerilia this year! yo just so you know I caught that! there are only like three wizards on that plane worth the name  how'd you manage to communicate from there anyway, I thought the Shadow World blocks everything like a Mist from Ravenloft? shout-outs to my inspiration Azrai 
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Sep 15, 2017 13:49
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As an evil dragon I practise wizardry as a sideline to more important activities like accumulating and sleeping atop gold but I have run into a problem. The humans are industrialising, you know how it goes, they develop gunpowder, then steam engines, electricity. Initially this is great as it leads to far more humans who are also orders of magnitude more efficient at mining gold and organising efficient taxation systems to pay tribute. But I just know that the little shits are going to start making 'dragon killer' missiles or jet fighters or something within a few centuries. Should I bring fire and devastation to their cities, transforming them into pyres for their civilisation? It would put the problem off but I have a great thing going ever since I replaced their emperor. Right now I do not ever need to get off my pile of gold and have princesses regularly delivered, how far should I let them go before culling them?
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Sep 16, 2017 19:43
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I dont know how big a dragon you are but by the time they figure out rifling, most dragons are usually hosed. An ancient dragon is usually okay until they figure out ballistic missiles. Just get some kobolds man. Dont those fuckers worship you guys like gods?
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Sep 16, 2017 23:11
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You should do what dragons did on our Earth. Just take human form and build your own corporation. It's not the same as sitting on a pile of gold, it's not physical. But when society is Advanced is like you have your entire hoard in your pocket. After a while you don't even have to use any of it, it grows no matter what you do. People will die for you and break the law for you and work themselves to death for you and you don't even have to do poo poo. Anyone who even thinks about slaying you will be written off as dangerous and thrown in jail. You can rip someone's face off and a dozen guys will line up saying "well he won't rip MY face off" just to be close to power. If you want to do something really hosed up just pretend to be your own kid, they'll let you off scot free. John Wick of Dogs fucked around with this message at 23:50 on Sep 16, 2017 |
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Sep 16, 2017 23:20
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Yes, just hire some PR people, they're "evil" anyway, this will hardly be a stretch for them.
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Sep 16, 2017 23:42
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Hihohe posted:I dont know how big a dragon you are but by the time they figure out rifling, most dragons are usually hosed. An ancient dragon is usually okay until they figure out ballistic missiles. *looks up from dusty tome* isn't protection from missile weapons a level two spell? oh wait those guys are sorcerers lmao
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Sep 18, 2017 13:34
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I wouldn't recommend clowning on dragons just because they are sorcerers. That doesn't prevent them from becoming wizards, and a great many do. They have natural spells from their bloodline, can read magic and prepare spells just like any of us, and also they are a loving dragon.
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Sep 18, 2017 13:44
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Goa Tse-tung posted:*looks up from dusty tome*
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Sep 18, 2017 14:15
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Don't forget loopholes like people tying their ammo with a long weightless rope so it technically counts as being apart of them and not a missile. Rare but every once in a while you get a smartass.
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Sep 18, 2017 14:37
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ChaseSP posted:Don't forget loopholes like people tying their ammo with a long weightless rope so it technically counts as being apart of them and not a missile. Rare but every once in a while you get a smartass. ok now im upset, heros really are scum
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Sep 18, 2017 14:42
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ChaseSP posted:Don't forget loopholes like people tying their ammo with a long weightless rope so it technically counts as being apart of them and not a missile. Rare but every once in a while you get a smartass. That's odd, I could swear I was once attacked by a ninja wielding a kunai w/chain (long story) and it deflected off of a missile protection spell.
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Sep 18, 2017 14:59
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Al Borland Corp. posted:That's odd, I could swear I was once attacked by a ninja wielding a kunai w/chain (long story) and it deflected off of a missile protection spell. Mileage will vary on your god/ess or source of magic.
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Sep 18, 2017 15:28
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Dragons do very, very well in a post-industrial steampunk or cyberpunk setting. Wealth is power, there. Knowing you're no longer strong enough to kill them all by yourself might chafe for a bit. But your true power will skyrocket. And you might still be a badass, even in a straight up fight. It's honestly a bit weird. Any clash between a modern military and medieval places with dragons never goes well for the dragons. It gets all tragic and relentless-progress-destroys-our-dreams-y. Fighters gunning them down from above, anti-air flak guns ripping through wings, a slow, melancholy fall from the sky. The fall of the golden age. All that. But a dragon who lives in a corporate reality can take out jet-fighters and shrug off nukes. Maybe the corporation's bottom line and the dragon-CEO's crazy high net worth have something to do with it.
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Sep 18, 2017 23:01
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In a very real sense, wealth is power for dragons. Consider the following: Dragon A sleeps on a pile of physical gold and adventurer bones. Yeah he's still a dragon, but any lucky hayseed farm boy with an enchanted blade has got his number. Dragon B manipulates a fiat currency and advanced financial market to wield the GDP of nations. Any attempt to kill this badass is going to require exotic technologies and trained strike teams with state of the art weaponry. You can't bring a hick with a magic sword against a wyrm with a global satellite network and voidborne kinetic energy weapons.
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Sep 19, 2017 15:43
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Not unless those hayseeds are a well funded (narco) Marxist insurgency.
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Sep 19, 2017 22:44
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You're talking about Dragons turning from sitting on piles of gold and eating livestock/maidens to being the power of multinational corporations and Concerns. Most dragons don't have the tolerance or interest for any of that. It's too human. If they're smart they'll hand it off to a majordomo or some kind of fanatical servant (or well paid accountant). I don't know if dragons find the same pleasure of laying on top of piles of paper cash or bonds like they do with precious metals, but of their land doesn't have a fiat currency it's going to be in a perpetual recession with all that gold hoarding.
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Sep 20, 2017 04:03
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I once met a Sand Dragon masquerading as a Saudi prince whose entire mansion was gilded. He seemed perfectly content just being in an exquisitely decorated home. He was a total sociopath though. Dragons are bad news.
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Sep 20, 2017 12:34
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I once defeated a dragon by talking him into playing WoW. He's addicted to virtual hording now.
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Sep 20, 2017 13:00
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I once hosed a dragon right up its stupid dragon PUSSY and then we had CHILDREN and now we're MARRIED and it's GREAT
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Sep 20, 2017 13:02
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Teach them to read magic young, before their natural abilities develop if you can. Don't want them becoming sorcerers.
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Sep 20, 2017 13:06
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I don’t think that’s how it works. You’ll just make them some kind of wizard/sorcerer multiclass, which seems like a waste on the face of it, but lets them cast any of their wizard spells as a sorcerer, and the only real limitation to a sorcerer’s riotous power is their limited spell selection. I mean, if you can get that little bugger to imprint on you out of the egg, you’re golden. Otherwise, you may have a legitimate threat to your power.
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Sep 20, 2017 18:37
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Let the kids do what they want. Justin make it clear that you're immortal and undying and that there won't be an inheritance.
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Sep 20, 2017 18:47
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What kind of incubator should I use for my dragon eggs?
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Sep 20, 2017 19:35
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Pththya-lyi posted:What kind of incubator should I use for my dragon eggs? A 10 inch nonstick omelet pan
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Sep 20, 2017 19:38
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HatfulOfHollow posted:A 10 inch nonstick omelet pan Listen, a hedge wizard like you might be happy messing around with hensbane and cantrips, but I'm reaching for the stars here! I wanna be a Dragon Queen, dammit!
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Sep 20, 2017 19:44
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If I make a golem out of a pile of bones or flesh and infuse it with life, are they considered undead? I have to deal with some clerics and regular zombies won't cut it.
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Sep 20, 2017 20:21
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I don't mean this in a condescending way, but did you skip a couple classes? I'm amazed you can create bone and flesh golems and didn't know the answer. They should be just fine against clerics, in most circumstances. But there's always some weird sub class of cleric that turns stuff you wouldn't believe, there's a slim chance one can turn golems in general. I ran into a cleric once that could turn loving cats! Cats! There's lots of weird rear end religious rules out there.
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Sep 20, 2017 20:43
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Usually. Depends on what ritual you're using. I think only Garnoral's Embodying and the variants get around that. But it can be hard to find a copy of it, and is a bitch to pull off. Plus side is the flesh golem stops smelling so bad, but I'd rather just bind elemental spirits into household objects. Creepy dolls and suits of armor are really easy. Or just strait up bind a freely-forming elemental, if you've got the cajones for it. Not many clerics have actual magic weapons, just blessed ones. Edit: flesh and bone golems are still undead, but stronger enough to kill the cleric first, is I think what the above poster means. Unless his plane has a lot more copies of Garnoral's Speleothing fucked around with this message at 20:47 on Sep 20, 2017 |
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Sep 20, 2017 20:45
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What the poo poo? I just looked in my book, and you're right they count as undead! I know that's wrong though. I went and looked again, and now it says I'm right and they are just constructs. I put a bookmark in, closed the book, opened it again, it says they're undead. What the gently caress Edit: oooohhhhh gently caress I just tried to cast a simple spell and it wouldn't work, took off my flak jacket and then it worked. Can't cast spells while wearing armor! Of course I can't! Why would I think I could? Why do I even own loving armor? Except I cast a spell like a half hour ago while wearing the same armor. I know I did because it's a floating disc and it's duration isn't up yet. I'm... I'm stuck oscillating through editions? John Wick of Dogs fucked around with this message at 20:57 on Sep 20, 2017 |
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Sep 20, 2017 20:51
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Thanks for the advice. I'm somewhat new to the whole evil thing. The local worlock ( I think, again super new) got himself killed s nd i figured I could try to take his place. First I got a take care of the clerics that killed him and I was just double checking.
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Sep 20, 2017 20:57
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My previous gig was making simple automatons out of stone or mud. They're strong but really dumb and can only do one thing at a time I was making bank doing living statues but one noble wanted a "special friend" made. Well long story short it turns out golems don't know what a safeword is and now I'm looking for a new gig.
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Sep 20, 2017 21:04
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Going deep into necromancy right away is a good way to get burnt out. Often Literally. Learn to talk to the spirits of the dead, learn to animate and command skeletons and zombies. The basics to make life easier around the tower, then go hard into elementalism.
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Sep 20, 2017 21:07
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