/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

BluesShaman posted:

lol wtf? Is this supposed to tell us something about the guy?

Someday I hope to have a girlfriend who is the real-life counterpart of Aeris from FFVII.

Doesn't talk, steals from people after breaking their pottery, can't swim

# ? Sep 20, 2017 18:21

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# ? May 30, 2024 15:10

Multilake: Dec 11, 2016; If you're in a jam, a crayon scrunched under your nose makes a good pretend moustache.

BluesShaman posted:

Someday I hope to have a girlfriend who is the real-life counterpart of Aeris from FFVII.

1. travel to a slum of your choosing and look for a church with beautiful flowers
2. Thanke me later

# ? Sep 20, 2017 18:24

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

I'm the real life counterpart of the hand that lives in the toilet of Majora's Mask.

My boyfriend [20M] keeps watching porn despite knowing it depresses me, so I [18F] blocked every porn website I could find.

quote:

Intro: First of all, thanks for clicking on this, your input is greatly appreciated. I work in IT and am very technologically apt, however my partner isn't. We are living together and have been for 10 months. We moved cities over a month ago and he has just managed to get a job.

Story I have a very low lobido as a result of multiple medications I take for clinical depression and a few other minor conditions. My partner has always been aware of this and said he was comfortable with having sex once a week, which we agreed on and he was supportive of. Now, of course I feel pretty bad that we can't get our rocks off more often, so I do delight him with foreplay in between. He seemed great with this arrangement and it has been our custom for the majority of our relationship.

But after we moved to a new city (about a month ago), he has been looking for a job casually. And I say casually because I notice he has a lot of hours built up on games like PUBG and Rainbow Six: Siege after a quick look at his Steam profile. I'm talking at least 40 hours a week. I built him a PC as a birthday present a few months back so I'm happy to see him using it, but I started to get a feeling that he was wasting a lot of time on it instead of going out and handing r�sum�s. All the while our sex life diminished to nothing, we are yet to christen our a new residence since moving over a month ago. As a result, I confronted him about all the game hours and he stated he was staying at home and applying for jobs online and only played games when he took a break at lunch. That sounded like bullshit to me, so while he went to take a pee one evening I took a quick look at his browser history from the past week to see if he had much activity on job finding websites. I wasn't surprised to see he visited a job website only once. What I was surprised to see was that basically all of his other browser history from the past month was distributed amongst porn websites.

Now this made me really, really depressed. I worked really hard to make our sex life as normal as possible despite my terrible libido and he's been passing up rare sex to jack off to porn while I'm at work instead. It made me feel pretty gross, like I was so repulsive to him he resorted to watching amateur porn online instead. I confronted him about it as soon as he got back from the bathroom, and his response was "what? I only watch it when you're not around". He could see I was very visibly hurt by it and tried to apologise but I didn't talk to him at all for the rest of the night and ended up heading out for the night to clear my head.

He definitely felt guilty but after a few days I checked our internet traffic straight from the router and sure enough he was back at it watching brunette babes with big tits with his meat in his hand. At this point I was feeling so depressed I wanted to admit myself to the ER so I wouldn't do anything stupid. My boyfriend realised how distressed I was and finally asked if it was to do with the porn. I said yes and he said he would "make tomorrow my night" and promised multitudes of ice cream and oral sex for me and said he was sorry and that he was just going through a "rough time". Fast forward to the next day and I never got the "my night" I was promised and he ended up spending the entire evening playing games with his mates.

So, checked the internet traffic again and porn was still the dominating factor. So I just went ahead and blocked every porn website he visited, plus another 200 that I could find on Google. He doesn't know how to unblock them so I figured it would work.

I feel so dirty and disgusting about all of this. But anyway, today he texted me at work asking if I had "blocked any websites", which means he must have tried to visit another porn site and seen that it was blocked. I get home and he acts very distant and won't talk to me at all, just keeps playing games. He has a job now though, which gives me one less thing to resent him for.

How do I make the message get through to him that porn = very depressed me so please stop watching it?

TL;DR Boyfriend keeps watching porn and won't have sex with me so I blocked all of the porn websites I could find. He's acting very immature about it and won't talk to me. I would like to make him understand that I blocked the site's because of how depressed the whole ordeal makes me, but he doesn't seem to get it.

EDIT: Thank you so much for all the advice. I've considered my options now and will act accordingly.

# ? Sep 20, 2017 18:25

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

Pick posted:

Same, but I don't cheat so

yeah

also, deleting like 10 photos is gonna free up more space than a gazillion texts, so barring having a crap phone deleting texts is supremely unnecessary and p suspicious on average imo

# ? Sep 20, 2017 18:25

meat police: Nov 14, 2015

Ziv Zulander posted:

People clear out their text messages? Why?

I always clear mine out whenever I'm done chatting or it's been a day or so. Maybe it's just an OCD thing. The only texts I'll hang onto past a day are ones that involve plans, or work related stuff I need to retain.

# ? Sep 20, 2017 18:30

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

fruit on the bottom posted:

I'm the real life counterpart of the hand that lives in the toilet of Majora's Mask.

My boyfriend [20M] keeps watching porn despite knowing it depresses me, so I [18F] blocked every porn website I could find.

EDIT: Thank you so much for all the advice. I've considered my options now and will act accordingly.

i hope that advice is "just break up already you're still a teenager"

# ? Sep 20, 2017 18:35

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

drat, 18 and 20 year olds with difficult relationship problems and zero communication skills, just break up already and move on, jeez, save that poo poo for later when you're commited to something that mostly works and when you have the faintest idea what you're doing. So many people wasting their time.

# ? Sep 20, 2017 18:39

BluesShaman: Apr 25, 2016; She wore Blue Velvet.

Lotta scorn for porn.

quote:

My boyfriend [20M] keeps watching porn despite knowing it depresses me, so I [18F] blocked every porn website I could find.

This sounds like he's really not into her anymore. I think the 'sex a maximum of once per week' clause is to blame.

But she's still very young and should try to find someone equally not that interested in sex.

# ? Sep 20, 2017 18:41

Zzulu: May 15, 2009; (â°ËvËâ°)

im 31 and i still watch porn :buddy:

I will watch porn 4ever, no matter how many wives i have

# ? Sep 20, 2017 18:41

Demon Of The Fall: May 1, 2004; Nap Ghost

lol at trying to get a 20 year old to stop jerking it

# ? Sep 20, 2017 18:43

Bamabalacha: Sep 18, 2006; Outta my way, ya dumb rah-rah!

boner confessor posted:

i hope that advice is "just break up already you're still a teenager"

If I was a 20 year old dude, of course I'd crank it to porn over her, yeesh.

Actually, I'd break up with her and find someone who wasn't a snoopy psycho and who wanted to touch my dick but whatever.

# ? Sep 20, 2017 18:46

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

She's going to go crazy trying to whack-a-mole all the pornsites every day while he'll do everything in his power to keep finding unblocked porn sites, all the while they're reenecting classic drama triangle roles like it's going out of style. Instead of that insanity they should just go 'let's find somebody more compatible' and break up like normal people.

# ? Sep 20, 2017 18:50

Multilake: Dec 11, 2016; If you're in a jam, a crayon scrunched under your nose makes a good pretend moustache.

Good luck to her blocking all the websites he knows. Boys that age can be very determined. (Source: my 20 year old self back then)

# ? Sep 20, 2017 18:51

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Dudes 20. Even if she manages to block every porn site hell just get more and more inventive until hes furiously jerking it to mailed fliers about lyme disease awareness.

# ? Sep 20, 2017 18:53

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

Demon Of The Fall posted:

lol at trying to get a 20 year old to stop jerking it

# ? Sep 20, 2017 18:56

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

on the one hand she shouldn't try to stop him from looking at porn

on the other hand she's been dating him for 10 months and all he does is crank his hog all day and play tom clancy's tom clancy. she should just get it over with and block steam until he gets the hint and eats her box or leaves

# ? Sep 20, 2017 19:04

Demon Of The Fall: May 1, 2004; Nap Ghost

play video games all day and jack it profusely while only having to have sex with my sadbrains gf once a week is a hell of a deal

# ? Sep 20, 2017 19:06

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

she's crazy and controlling (she monitors his network traffic at the router, wtf, hahaha) boyfriend is lazy and selfish, personally i think they should get married because at least then they wouldn't be inflicting their sickness on anyone else, except maybe the kids they shouldn't have

# ? Sep 20, 2017 19:11

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Mirthless posted:

she's crazy and controlling (she monitors his network traffic at the router, wtf, hahaha) boyfriend is lazy and selfish, personally i think they should get married because at least then they wouldn't be inflicting their sickness on anyone else, except maybe the kids they shouldn't have

its his own drat fault. what kind of wannabe pc gamer allows ip blocking to happen on their network. he should quit pretending and just buy a console like the trash he really is

# ? Sep 20, 2017 19:14

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

boner confessor posted:

its his own drat fault. what kind of wannabe pc gamer allows ip blocking to happen on their network. he should quit pretending and just buy a console like the trash he really is

She's an IT professional and he is not, so even if he has basic computer knowledge he's probably completely locked out of the router

Also if she has the kind of setup that allows her to monitor network traffic at that level he probably does not possess the necessary expertise to do anything about it

# ? Sep 20, 2017 19:20

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

I [31M] have two girlfriends (who know about each other) [31F, 34F], one has my two kids the other is pregnant and planning to abort and I don't want her to. Planning to leave girlfriend 1 but I think it's too late.

quote:

This is a mess of a story so I'll say I'm sorry now.

Me and my girlfriend emigrated to the United States 15 years ago. We grew up in the same town. I came to the US when I was 14 and she came a couple years later. When I was 19 we had our son. A couple years later we had a daughter. During this time we drifted apart. She never learned to speak English and has low paying jobs that don't really cover anything. She basically just takes care of the kids. We haven't had sex or had any kind of intimacy in probably 5 years. We're together because of our kids and the fact that I know she would be unable to support herself if I left.

Four years ago I fell in love with an American. She is the most wonderful person I have ever met. If not for my family situation I would have 100% been with her. She knew my situation, I told my kid's mother about her and while she wasn't happy she didn't care. She had been sleeping in a separate room anyway so it wasn't much of an issue.

Last year, I was detained by immigration and my American girlfriend put her savings into getting me out. I am currently here legally but it's temporary they said for it to be permanent I would have to marry the citizen. I never did because I 1. Don't have the 8,500 to pay the lawyer and 2. I cant pay for my house for the kids and half of a place with girlfriend 2.

Two weeks ago, girlfriend 2 told me she is pregnant and scheduled the abortion. This breaks my heart because I always wanted a family with her but the time was never right. I've been trying to convince her but she just keeps yelling at me if I'm still with "her". I am, I don't want to be, but financially I have to choice. She doesn't want to go through with it. She's always wanted kids but she said she can't in this situation. That my immigration situation is too uncertain and she won't be carrying a man's kid that doesn't live with her. Her appointment is tomorrow and I don't know what to do. Again, I love her more then anything in the world and want a life with her but I can't let her make a decision that neither one of us want because I am a mess that can't get my poo poo together. tl;dr: Two women. How to keep the one I really love from leaving.

# ? Sep 20, 2017 19:27

Barudak: May 7, 2007

fruit on the bottom posted:

I [31M] have two girlfriends (who know about each other) [31F, 34F], one has my two kids the other is pregnant and planning to abort and I don't want her to. Planning to leave girlfriend 1 but I think it's too late.

Finally, we find the mythical Anchor Baby.

# ? Sep 20, 2017 19:35

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

fruit on the bottom posted:

I [31M] have two girlfriends (who know about each other) [31F, 34F], one has my two kids the other is pregnant and planning to abort and I don't want her to. Planning to leave girlfriend 1 but I think it's too late.

I hate this person.

# ? Sep 20, 2017 19:36

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Obviously this is the absolute most pointless part of this repulsive mans story to focus on but I seriously dont know where he for the 8,500 number from. Marrying a citizen and applying for citizenship is relatively easy and costs like a couple hundred bucks and its valid from when you submit until you hear whether you were approved or denied.

Your poor children, cursed with such poor decision making DNA.

# ? Sep 20, 2017 19:39

Doggles: Apr 22, 2007

A tale as old as time...

I [32 F] need helping finding my Husband [32 M] a girlfriend

quote:

I'm [32 F] have been in an open relationship for about 4 of the 5 years I've been with my husband [32 M]. Husband and I've been together for 5 years, open for 3 years, and married 6 mos for context.

Husband and I realized that neither of us were the monogamous types after we had been living together for a couple years. Now husband did cheat on me but confessed we moved past it and we talked about how for both of us monogamy didn't seem like a long-term goal or plan or for us it was a difficult one.

After that our hook-up situations have been Me: one time encounter with a friend from college, a MFM three-way with my husband and an acquaintance. A follow up hook-up with the acquaintance. We start attending swinger parties sporadically hadn't found a couple we wanted to swap with backed out of that scene. Generally we found the men were interested in me only and we were looking for a couple we could swap with.

Now after we've backed out of this scene, husband has been talking to more and more people at work, he ends up becoming very attracted and close with a [27 F] at his work. They were in separate departments and their jobs had nothing to do with one and other so nothing untoward from that standpoint. Since that situation could be its own post, the sex part was a year of hanging out, getting high and sporadic sex maybe about 6 times in a 6 month span. Mainly they just hung out at her place, now husband was there nearly every night of the week because he admits he was infatuated with her.

It ends poorly between the two of them, she was lying about sleeping with another friends boyfriend amongst other potentially doxy details, it ends an absolute mess. Husband goes through a very tough time with the breakup this March/April. We get through it with time and help from friends.
June I've gotten progressively closer with a friend [32 M] that husband has known since elementary school but they lost touch when high school ended and reconnected a few years ago. Now friend is painfully shy with women, hampered by anxiety and was frankly a 32 year old virgin. Well we were all having a bbq at his house and I decided to sleep with friend.

Husband was fine with it, happy that friend finally popped his cherry and everything is happy and kosher. Friend and I have been sleeping together alone about one night a week, I don't stay at his place since my husband get lonely when I'm away. All 3 of us have had multiple MFM three-ways on many weekends. All 3 of us keep the lines of communication open and honest.

Now friend like I said was a virgin but he's got a shocking amount of stamina, able to go multiple times for a long time and with guidance make me orgasm multiple times in a few hours. This makes my husband feel inadequate but I find my sex life with my husband extremely satisfying as well! I tell him that I want him, I love his body and he give me multiple orgasms most of the time but feels inadequate since he can generally only go once in a night. I tell him repeatedly that he satisfies me because our sex life if more than just physical for me.

Here's the issue my husband has had two-time hookup that's gone cold, another girl he was interested sees him just as a friend and told him so this weekend very bluntly but not meanly. He's now very down and after his break up in March has completely shattered his confidence with women. He's also insecure about his ability to satisfy me and other women, and he's feeling very down.

He feels resentful that I've never had trouble finding a partner, whereas for men it's a process to try and find a woman. He's attractive, funny and smart so I don't know why he's having so much issue but it's been difficult. He tells me he needs my help in finding him a partner, OKcupid has been a bust. I'm trying to encourage us to go out to new places and socialize with new people to just expand the pool of potential hook-ups for him. If anyone can provide any guidance what I can do to help him find someone, because he feels like our open relationship has become very one-sided.

tl;dr:Trying to find a hook-up for my husband who resents that I have an ideal hook-up partner in our open marriage

# ? Sep 20, 2017 19:39

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Doggles posted:

A tale as old as time...

I [32 F] need helping finding my Husband [32 M] a girlfriend

Honestly it doesn't even sound like it was that one sided, they started out with threesomes, then he got a longterm gf which eventually ended, and now she has a longterm bf.

# ? Sep 20, 2017 19:51

BluesShaman: Apr 25, 2016; She wore Blue Velvet.

ArbitraryC posted:

Honestly it doesn't even sound like it was that one sided, they started out with threesomes, then he got a longterm gf which eventually ended, and now she has a longterm bf.

That means she's winning. Open relationships are a competition to gently caress as many people other than your SO as possible.

# ? Sep 20, 2017 20:00

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

it's pretty funny that dude in an open relationship thinks he got cheated on by the girlfriend he keeps outside of his marriage

# ? Sep 20, 2017 20:03

webmeister: Jan 31, 2007; The answer is, mate, because I want to do you slowly. There has to be a bit of sport in this for all of us. In the psychological battle stakes, we are stripped down and ready to go. I want to see those ashen-faced performances; I want more of them. I want to be encouraged. I want to see you squirm.

Palpek posted:

She's going to go crazy trying to whack-a-mole all the pornsites every day while he'll do everything in his power to keep finding unblocked porn sites, all the while they're reenecting classic drama triangle roles like it's going out of style. Instead of that insanity they should just go 'let's find somebody more compatible' and break up like normal people.

She's going whack-a-mole, he's going whack-a-pole

It's got a nice symmetry to it

# ? Sep 20, 2017 20:22

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Our story begins 112 days ago.

The girl (19F) I (21M) am in love with thinks I am a total weirdo and I don't know what to do!

Post removed from relationships but thankfully preserved in a thread from r/niceguys

quote:

Hello r/relationships!

I am using a throwaway because this is a personal question and I have never really come on this subreddit before, so excuse me if I do any formatting wrong. Sorry for how long this is, I am seriously heartbroken right now and so lost.

So I (21 M) met this girl (let's call her Jaime and she is 19) in January of this year at the start of second semester at our university when we worked in one of the rec centers together. She was a freshman and I was a Junior. She started college a semester late (she said becuase of family issues) and said she was nervous about it, so I decided to show her around a bit. We got lunch a few times during her first month on campus and I gave her tours of the campus. We hit it off immediately! I know it is cliche, but I have never felt this way about any other girl before. Seriously. She is so beautiful, she is the smartest person I have ever met, she is hilarious, and we even like some of the same TV shows and have the same hobbies! After those first few weeks, we weren't able to hang out as much because she was so busy with work and school, but we worked together Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday nights. While we weren't busy, we would always talk about TV shows and movies we enjoyed. Outside of work, we texted a lot too! Well, a few weeks passed and we hadn't hung out outside of work and I realized how much I liked her, so at the end of one of our shifts, I asked Jaime out on a date. She told me she doesn't think about me that way, but promised we could stay friends. This really really hurt. I cried in my apartment and couldn't bring myself to go to class the next day. I honestly thought she liked me, and I had been so nice to her. I even picked her up her favorite drink from starbucks on my way to work most days even though she never asked me to and told me I didn't need to.

So another month passes and I am trying to keep up the friendship we have and just appreciate her presence. I ask her to hang out a few times (I even told her it was just as friends) and she said she was so busy she couldn't (she could have been lying though). I tried keeping up text message conversations with her, but she would forget to reply a lot. I genuinely don't understand this. How does someone forget to reply to a text? Especially to a friend? And even if she was ignoring me, why? Why agree to be friends if she didn't want to be? But I still loved her so much and I held out hope.

So spring break came around and it was our last shift together before the break. I wanted to do something special for her to show her how much she means to me as a friend. I got her some flowers and a bracelet (nothing too expensive, just like a $15 one from the store). I gave it to her at the end of our work shift (I had them hiding in my car and gave them to her in the parking lot). I had planned out exactly what I would say and I didn't even expect anything back. Just appreciation, you know? But I guess she didn't appreciate the thought I put into it because she told me she didn't want to accept the flowers or the bracelet. I got kind of upset and we got in an argument. But I ended up telling her it was ok that she didn't want to accept it and just asked her for a hug.

She went home for break and I went home as well. I had my 21st birthday during it, and I got pretty wasted with some of my cousins that weekend. I am not proud of this, but I did drunk call her a few times. I left her some voicemails about how I loved her if she ever wanted to date a guy that would cherish her like a queen. She never replied, and I was pretty embarrassed. I sent her some texts essentially explaining that I was so sorry I said those things, but I stand by everything I said (I can copy paste them here if you wanna see them, but this is getting long already so i guess I will only do it if you all think you need to see it to give me advice).

So we got back to school and I hadn't heard from her, so I planned on talking to her about it at work, but I found out she had changed her schedule and was working different shifts from me now. I never found out why and no one told me why. I tried facebook messaging her, snapchatting her, and even sending her an email asking if she was angry with me or if we could meet up to talk because I didn't want to lose a great friend. I saw that she saw my messages on FB messenger, but she never replied. This pissed me off a lot since I had been nothing except for sweet to her. I stopped messaging her for a few weeks in April, but then the school year started to come to a close and I realized I couldn't bear being without her or not being able to see her for the summer. I sent her a few more messages, but she never replied, so I decided I would go straight to her dorm room. I didn't know exactly where she was, only the building, but I went there one afternoon when I knew she had a final and wandered around the halls hoping to catch her on her way back. I didn't see her, but apparently, she saw me because she texted me asking what I was doing in her dorm. I explained (again) that I wanted to see her and talk, but she told me to leave her alone. So I left in tears, skipped my last final (got an incomplete in the class for it) and went home.

I have spent the last month in absolute depression. I think about her every day. She blocked me on social media, so I can't see her profile, but I haven't texted her since school ended. But it finally got to be too much for me. I decided I would try one more time to show her how much I love her. I knew the town she moved to school from (it's only like an hour away from me and I have family that lives nearby- we have talked about it before), so I texted her and told her I was coming to meet her. I was going to meet her at X coffee shop and I wanted to talk about everything. Once again, she couldn't even do me the respect of replying. I checked her Instagram that night and saw that she was out partying that very night. There were pictures of her with alcohol (she is UNDERAGE) and her wearing skanky clothes (she told me she hated partying). its like she has become a totally different person. So I did freak out a little. I told her about how much I cared and about how awful it was for her to just ignore me like that. That I was going to come to coffee shop on X day and if she should do me the respect of coming to see me. She never replied, but I got a piece of mail today. It was a loving cease and desist letter. She said she would "seek legal avenues" if I didn't stop "harassing" her. What the gently caress reddit? Now I don't need legal advice because I am going to cross post this to r/legaladvice for that, but what do I do now that she thinks I am a total creep? How do i get her to hear me out? I refuse to just live knowing she hates me. There has to be some way I can do this. Please help me. I know I have made some mistakes, but I promise I am a nice guy and I just want her to be happy.

tl;dr: had a falling out with my crush and she sent me a cease and desist letter for trying to talk it out? what do?

In act 2 we move to r/legal advice.

Had a falling out with the girl I love and got served a cease and desist order. What can I legally do? [Michigan] (x-post on r/relationships)

quote:

Hey guys, I already posted on r/relationships for the relationship side of all this, but I need some advice on the legal side. For context, I am 21 and she is 19.

I will give the short version of the story here. I guess if you need more context, see my other post. I met this girl in January of this year at the start of the second semester at our university when we worked in one of the rec centers together. She was a freshman and I was a Junior. She started college a semester late (she said because of family issues) and said she was nervous about it, so I decided to show her around a bit. We got lunch a few times during the first month on campus and I gave her tours of the campus. We hit it off immediately and I knew I was in love instantly. Well, long story short, I asked her our and she said no. I was heartbroken, but she agreed to still be friends (unfortunately, I don't have evidence of this since the conversation was in person). I tried several times throughout the semester to show her what she meant to me, but she ignored me and all the thought I put into the gifts I gave her. We had a falling out that involved me drunk calling her and her telling me to leave her alone when I tried to explain.

I have spent the last month in absolute depression. I think about her every day. She blocked me on social media, so I can't see her profile, but I haven't texted her since school ended. But it finally got to be too much for me. I decided I would try one more time to show her how much I love her. I knew the town she moved to school from (its only like an hour away from me and I have family that live nearby- we have talked about it before), so I texted her and told her I was coming to meet her. I was going to meet her at X coffee shop and I wanted to talk about everything. Once again, she couldn't even do me the respect of replying. I checked her Instagram that night and saw that she was out partying that very night. There were pictures of her with alcohol (she is UNDERAGE) and her wearing skanky clothes (she told me she hated partying). its like she has become a totally different person. So I did freak out a little. I told her about how much I cared and about how awful it was for her to just ignore me like that. That I was going to come to coffee shop on X day and if she should do me the respect of coming to see me.

She never replied, but I got a piece of mail today. It was a loving cease and desist letter. She said she would "seek legal avenues" if I didn't stop "harassing" her. What the gently caress reddit? I need to know what I can do legally to talk to her and make sure she doesn't understand. I don't want to live a life knowing she hates me. From my research, a Cease and Desist letter isn't legally binding like a restraining order or anything and I am not harassing her since I don't have an intent to intimidate or hurt her, so she can't charge me with anything. Is all that true? Do I need a lawyer to respond to her letter?

Thanks for all your help and for reading this.

EDIT: Wow, everyone here is talking to me like I am a piece of poo poo. Just to be clear, I havenot contacted her since I got the letter. I am trying to figure out my next direction. I cant believe a sub specifically dedicated to legal advice is getting so personal

And finally today:

[UPDATE] Had a falling out with the girl I love and got served a cease and desist order. What can I legally do? [Michigan] (x-post on r/relationships)

quote:

Past post:

/r/legaladvice/comments/6ebbq9/had_a_falling_out_with_the_girl_i_love_and_got/?st=j7t8o97k&sh=7aebba6a

Oh boy. I've been wondering for a while whether to post here again or not. I wasn't going to, but I know my last post ended up on a few other subreddits and I actually stumbled across it on my main account on r/niceguys and I read all the comments there. It was rough for me to read this original post, but it was a reminder of what my own mindset, and the mindset of so many men like me, was. I decided I needed to post again for some closure. I would have posted this on r/relationships, but they don't let you update posts they have taken down (yeah the mods there actually took down the post, not me).

For those who didn't see my original post on r/relationships before it was removed, it included more detail than my last one here, so I'm going to link to a thread from r/niceguys from a few people saved the text of my relationships post in the comments. I want to take full accountability for everything, so I want to link it here:

/r/niceguys/comments/6f696j/nice_guy_on_rlegaladvice_wants_to_know_his/?st=j7t8wz5j&sh=badbe0c6

First, I want to assure everyone that I didn't contact that girl ever again. Since I moved, I no longer see her or go anywhere by where she used to live, go to school, or work (I don't know if she still lives in the same area or goes to the same school. I have avoided getting any information about her at all). The way I acted and the way I hurt her and scared her so much still haunts me. Part of me wants to track her down and apologize, but I know from my classes that 1. that can re-victimize her all over again; 2. it would be a selfish thing to do because it would be to clear my conscience, not make her feel better. If she wants to get closure by talking to me, I'm sure she can find me somehow; and 3. I don't want to make the mistake of using an apology to make her feel manipulated to talking to me again. I learned in my classes that men do that a lot. I don't want to hurt her anymore, so I will work past the guilt while never talking to her again.

I was distraught after my last post here. I admit I came here looking for validation, not help. I had a warped sense of entitlement that led me to believe that no one would possibly disagree with me, but obviously, hundreds of people told me that I was hosed up, a predator, a stalker, and that I needed help. All of these people were right. I don't know what happened, but something clicked in me after seeing those comments (despite how combative and abusive I was in response to the comments). I checked myself into therapy in Michigan the week after I posted here. I knew something was wrong, but I was still in denial. I thought I needed help with heartbreak. I didn't recognize that I actually needed help with identifying and combatting my messed up belief systems that I used to justify stalking and victimizing that poor girl. After a few sessions, I started seeing a psychiatrist too. I got on mood stabilizers and I started to realize that something was very very wrong with the way I was acting. Something that couldn't be cured by medication. After talking it over with my therapist, I decided it would be best for me to move out of state into my Aunt's house. Within a month of me posting here, I had moved into her house.

After moving, I started the process of transferring to a new school next semester, working full time, and continued to take my medication and was transferred to a new therapist. I had a fresh idea of the issues I wanted to work on in therapy, but after a few weeks of having two therapy sessions a week, my therapist pointed out to me during a session that I was still exhibiting the same kind of obsessive behaviors over women that earned me a cease and desist letter in Michigan (though I wasn't stalking anyone at this point, I was just obsessing in my mind. Which is still bad, but I wasn't actively victimizing anyone). I realize that in addition to therapy, I needed more help. My therapist pointed me to a class run by a local agency that was designed for men that have committed violent crimes against women like domestic violence, assault, sexual assault, stalking ect. Most of the men in the class are court-ordered to go as a condition of their probation/parole, but you didn't have to be court ordered to go, so I signed up voluntarily. I attend a two-hour class session every week and have been attending for about a month now. The goal of the class is to help us recognize and change abusive/violent behaviors. I know most of you are thinking: what kind of monsters can't recognize violent behavior? People like me. People like me in the last post. I look like a normal person. I grew up in an upper-middle-class neighborhood. Monsters come in all shapes and sizes and I fooled myself by saying because I didn't "look" like an abuser or because I wasn't "like" the abusers I saw on TV, that I wasn't one. But I am. I can't take back what I've done, but I can promise myself I will never victimize anyone else again.

In conclusion, a lot had changed for me in three and a half months. I want to say that I do not blame my behavior on my mental illness or anger or the media or whatever. I made a conscious decision to stalk and terrorize another human being because I thought I had the right to dictate how others interact with me. The class is a year-long class and I have only been in it for a month, but I have already learned so much. I have learned from my group that abuse is always a conscious choice and a learned behavior. But I believe that since I've learned this behavior and it's voluntary, it's totally within my control to change it. I've also learned from my group about the importance of having a non-romantic support system, so I made some male and female friends at work that invite me over to play video games with them. Don't worry reddit, these are actual friends and not just people I am stalking or believe I am in love with (I talked about this extensively with my therapist and try to be cognizant of my obsessive tendencies).

Thank you to everyone who told it to me straight and I'm sorry for how I decided to treat everyone who was just trying to give me the advice I asked for.

tl;dr: I ceased, I desisted, and I got mental health help. Thanks to everyone.

# ? Sep 20, 2017 20:36

feedmegin: Jul 30, 2008

Barudak posted:

Obviously this is the absolute most pointless part of this repulsive mans story to focus on but I seriously dont know where he for the 8,500 number from. Marrying a citizen and applying for citizenship is relatively easy and costs like a couple hundred bucks and its valid from when you submit until you hear whether you were approved or denied.

Your poor children, cursed with such poor decision making DNA.

Hello hi I have literally done this and no it is not easy or quick or cheap. It's not that high but

http://www.alllaw.com/articles/nolo/us-immigration/cost-i-130-family-petition-lawyer-filing-fees.html

plus

https://community.simplecitizen.com/t/how-much-does-it-cost-to-submit-form-i-485/50

for a total of over a grand and a half. It's not chump change. I'm guessing the rest of that money is lawyer fees or something?

# ? Sep 20, 2017 20:39

Barudak: May 7, 2007

feedmegin posted:

Hello hi I have literally done this and no it is not easy or quick or cheap. It's not that high but for a total of over a grand and a half. It's not chump change. I'm guessing the rest of that money is lawyer fees or something?

I did this as well, and I dont remember shoveling that much money into it, but the mind is a funny thing so youre right it probably is that much. Didn't use a lawyer though so obviously that saves a kit and caboodle in the process.

# ? Sep 20, 2017 20:51

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

fruit on the bottom posted:

Our story begins 112 days ago.

The girl (19F) I (21M) am in love with thinks I am a total weirdo and I don't know what to do!

Post removed from relationships but thankfully preserved in a thread from r/niceguys

In act 2 we move to r/legal advice.

Had a falling out with the girl I love and got served a cease and desist order. What can I legally do? [Michigan] (x-post on r/relationships)

And finally today:

[UPDATE] Had a falling out with the girl I love and got served a cease and desist order. What can I legally do? [Michigan] (x-post on r/relationships)

That's the greatest update in the world, honestly. After those initial posts, I was half expecting [update]The woman I love is chained up in my basement and won't stop screaming. What do?

# ? Sep 20, 2017 20:52

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

fruit on the bottom posted:

Our story begins 112 days ago.

The girl (19F) I (21M) am in love with thinks I am a total weirdo and I don't know what to do!

Post removed from relationships but thankfully preserved in a thread from r/niceguys

In act 2 we move to r/legal advice.

Had a falling out with the girl I love and got served a cease and desist order. What can I legally do? [Michigan] (x-post on r/relationships)

And finally today:

[UPDATE] Had a falling out with the girl I love and got served a cease and desist order. What can I legally do? [Michigan] (x-post on r/relationships)

Wow. Good on him and I hope he really does figures out how to have a happy life.

# ? Sep 20, 2017 20:57

Ouhei: Oct 23, 2008; Cat Army

fruit on the bottom posted:

Our story begins 112 days ago.

The girl (19F) I (21M) am in love with thinks I am a total weirdo and I don't know what to do!

Post removed from relationships but thankfully preserved in a thread from r/niceguys

In act 2 we move to r/legal advice.

Had a falling out with the girl I love and got served a cease and desist order. What can I legally do? [Michigan] (x-post on r/relationships)

And finally today:

[UPDATE] Had a falling out with the girl I love and got served a cease and desist order. What can I legally do? [Michigan] (x-post on r/relationships)

Was not expecting that last update to go that way. Pretty incredible that he's taken it all to heart and is changing his life.

# ? Sep 20, 2017 21:01

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Wow, the internet did something good.

# ? Sep 20, 2017 21:09

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Ouhei posted:

Was not expecting that last update to go that way. Pretty incredible that he's taken it all to heart and is changing his life.

Good for him, and this is possible for anyone. It doesn't require you to be superman just act like a responsible adult and take responsibility for yourself.

# ? Sep 20, 2017 21:11

Ouhei: Oct 23, 2008; Cat Army

Pick posted:

Good for him, and this is possible for anyone. It doesn't require you to be superman just act like a responsible adult and take responsibility for yourself.

Yeah, you just don't usually see it on the internet like that is all.

# ? Sep 20, 2017 21:17