Pick posted:

The universe is my story, and I'm the main character! No one else is a main character of their story, it's all me, it is on my story

Bertrand Hustle posted:

I just excitedly exclaim HI PUPPY! at dogs that look friendly. Animals love me.

BluesShaman posted:

quote:

Hi Reddit, so I am a freshmen in high school and I could use some advice. There is nothing wrong with my family, this a me problem. I have a close family, my sisters make a big deal about me because I am the only boy in the family. My father left and moved to Vegas for some reason.

apart from that my sisters and I get along. Perfectly normal family and they are all older than me. 4 of them go to the same high school I go to and the rest are at college or living with their boyfriends. But we are always messaging/skyping each other. The sisters in college come to visit. We all live in the same state, just my sisters in college live in another city for the time being.

Just for clarification because I feel like I am all over the place, sorry. We all live in the state of Oregon, 3 of my sisters are just in a different city for college.

My problem is I have grown so accustomed to living with my sisters and talking to them, I find I have an easier time talking to women than I do men. My dad never really talked to me once I got diagnosed with asthma, in his mind it limited me to what I can do. So he would largely ignore me.

So I never really had a guy teach me how to do guy things. I don't know anything about cars, I never went fishing, biking or anything like that with my dad. I always was lumped into the girl activities like make over days and shopping sprees.

I am strait, but I don't have any guy friends. I started high school and I just found myself becoming friends with a group of girls. I just have always had trouble making guy friends and I want to know how to do it.

tl;dr: How do I make guy friends. All my friends are female

Pick posted:

The universe thread is my story, and I'm the main character! No one else is a main character of their story, it's all me, it is on my story

Haifisch posted:

Let's play "find the lede":
I [14M] have 10 sisters. I am having trouble making guy friends because I am so use to talking to girls all the time.

ArbitraryC posted:

Actually p common problem nowadays, so many young boys raised by single moms.

ArbitraryC posted:

Actually p common problem nowadays, so many young boys raised by single moms.

Hughlander posted:

Haifisch posted:

Let's play "find the lede":
I [14M] have 10 sisters. I am having trouble making guy friends because I am so use to talking to girls all the time.

quote:

There is nothing wrong with my family

quote:

I [14M] have 10 sisters

Smirking_Serpent posted:

I [20F] use a Hitachi Magic Wand to treat my fibromyalgia. My parents [50s MF] are convinced I'm a harlot and confiscated it. This wouldn't be so bad on its own, but now the whole family knows and the pastor is visiting our house tomorrow.

My life feels like it's been ripped right out of a sitcom. This'll probably be funny when I look back on it one day, but right now I just want to die.
So. I have fibro, it sucks, and the diagnosis was recent enough that I haven't really figured out what works for me just yet. My doctor recommended that I try massaging the affected areas. I went to a masseuse and just about cried from the pain, so after some research I went to a sex toy store in the next town over and picked up a Magic Wand.

It's seriously magic. 10/10, the name is accurate and after I use it I can slip off to sleep almost immediately.
Now, disclaimer: I know it's used as a sex toy. I really don't care that it's used as a sex toy. I say, be safe and have fun. I do not use this one as a sex toy, however, since I just want to limit its exposure to bodily fluids. Yeah, I could probably clean it well enough, but using the same massager on my, well... bits and bobs that I just used on my feet is a no go for me. But you do you! Have all the sexy times in the world with yours. It's probably life changing. I might get a second one one day. Who knows.

Anyway. I'm living at home while I study at university because I cannot afford both all the medical costs of having fibro and rent on an apartment. My parents wanted me to stay, too, because they really do love me and are worried about my wellbeing. We usually get along really well.
This, however, fell apart completely when my younger sister went into my room and went rifling through my bureau, only to uncover my massager. She brought it to my mom, who was horrified (pre-marital anything is not even remotely okay in her books) and who immediately called my father. Who called the pastor. Who will be here tomorrow to discuss my urges.

Things haven't generally been stable as of late at my place. Recently, we got the call that my grandma was going into a hospice and that she'd probably never leave. My grandma is extremely religious. My father is extremely close to her. It's been hard. There's been a huge uptick in church involvement over the past two months and I know it's because of Nana and the fact that my father can't cope with what's happening. He's cancelled our cable, limited internet usage, asked me to donate some of my less conservative clothes. I love him, so I've been doing what I can. I know this will pass and that he just needs us to help him do what he needs to do right now.

Last week, though, he took the locks off my door and my brothers', replacing them with those handles that don't even click shut properly, but that kind of latch delicately and can be pushed open with a tap. My brothers and I held our tongues at our mother's request. She said he is trying to foster the same levels of openness and trust that his family had when he was a kid and that he's not doing it to be mean... a completely delusional fantasy, imho, if what I've heard about Nana is correct. Nonetheless, he wants us to stop hiding from him in case we lose him like we're losing his mom.

He now thinks I've been abusing his trust all this time by furiously masturbating my life away and now I'm caught in the middle of a family spat. He even called his siblings for advice. Literally everyone in my family tree now thinks I'm some deviant. (And even if I were masturbating my life away... so what?)

Now, this all sounds a bit batshit loony tunes, I know, but my Nana is a JustNoMIL straight from the house of Satan himself. She abused my dad growing up, made him feel lovely and worthless, and now that she's dying I think he's having some sort of mental health crisis. Mom is trying to keep the ship afloat, but with four kids still at home there's only so much she can do. My dad keeps talking about trust and openness and about Nana as if she shat gold bricks and truly loved him and it's not lining up with anything he's told us, ever, about his mom.

Cue my little sister. It's just the two of us girls in a sea of boys, so I let her come into my room and play dress up and whatever. I'm particularly protective of her because our brothers are 14, but she's only 7, and I need to look out for her since my mom is too tired to shut down all the pranks my brothers pull. We used to sleep in the same room, but my two older brothers moved out and now we have enough space for us to be in separate rooms while my brothers (twins) share one. Knowing this, I keep my massager in the drawer with all my pads, tampons, underwear, bras, etc. It's a drawer she never goes into because ew, adulthood. Still, I've already forgiven her for starting this mess because I still should have known better.
Tomorrow the pastor is coming to speak to me about the importance of "faith and chastity" and how my fibro will be made worse(?) if I continue to sin in the house of my parents(???). This is the pastor from the church my Nana grew up in and raised her family in. Once upon a time, they were apparently normal-ish, but mom says that when dad was born, their old pastor left and the new guy tied everything positive to having an "abundance of faith" while not being successful was because of an "abundance of sin". My dad is the least successful of Nana's 7 kids, so part of his current family fixer upper scheme is to clean out the abundance of sin, hence the sudden intervention.

I don't want to talk to our 36 year old pastor about my massager. He can be nice, but he's also very, very pushy and tries to maintain an uncomfortably close relationship with his flock at all times. I've explained time and time again that I use it for fibro. My parents know my doctor requested that I try massage, but they said that this went "too far" and that I was abusing my diagnosis to sin. I'm really tired and cranky and the pain just keeps getting worse, but they don't care.
Reddit, what do I do?

TL;DR: my parents found the massager I use for my fibro and assumed I was masturbating. Family drama is making them assume the worst and now everyone knows, including the pastor, who is coming over to correct my sinning ways.

quote:

This, however, fell apart completely when my younger sister went into my room and went rifling through my bureau, only to uncover my massager. She brought it to my mom,

Tricky D posted:

I'm a twenty year old who gets my poo poo confiscated by my parents, AMA.

quote:

My husband is a great guy and a good friend. He's a really excellent father to our kindergarten aged child. He provides well for our family. Very well educated, hard working, and well liked in our community and in his field of work. I feel happy with him mostly. I love him very, very much.

Unfortunately, we have a problem that has has been going on for many years that he will not work on. He has given me every excuse under the sun as to why he can't. He tells me there's no problem. He places blame where there is none. He just won't accept that there's an issue. I know that deep down he's aware of the issue but he doesn't want to do anything about it for whatever reason.

He's very cold emotionally. He honestly acts like he has no feelings sometimes. It's very off-putting and hurtful. He wasn't always like this so I just have no idea what to do about it. It's hard to put into words exactly how he is cold toward me (it's mostly these vibes I get) so I'll just list some things.

He doesn't remember holidays or special occasions and doesn't buy gifts. I always buy my own gifts for my birthday, Mother's Day, Christmas. If I didn't, I wouldn't even get a card. He takes credit for it because it was his money that was spent but he never actually goes and buys anything. The closest he's come to gift-giving is when my child asked to buy a gift for me at Christmas and he took the little one shopping.

In fact, when my baby was born my BFF bought me a "push-present" (I wasn't expecting a gift but of course I thought it was sweet) but my husband did not do anything for me like that. He was just stressed about having a baby to take care of. I thought it was strange that my friend would give me a gift but he wouldn't make a similar gesture.

When it's his birthday or Father's Day I always go all out. I throw him a birthday party and plan surprises for him. I get his friends and family to help me whenever possible and we do a lot for him. Christmas is a huge time and he gets loads of gifts from me. I make him his favorite foods for every special occasion. I always ask what he wants to do and make it happen. I feel that it's unfair that I put so much work into making him feel special when he doesn't do the same for me.

I had three miscarriages and I like to have a day of remembrance once a year. He knows when the dates are and the names of the children because they're on the Google calendar we share. He never brings them up. If I mention one of the children in passing he pretends he didn't hear.

He used to write me love letters and bring me things that reminded him of me. He used to take me on romantic dates and make romantic plans. He doesn't do any of that now. I still try to be romantic with him. I wear his favorite perfume, do my hair how he likes it, wear the clothes he likes. It doesn't matter. I send him lovey dovey messages. He doesn't care. I try to be affectionate towards him and give him backrubs, ask him about his day and let him talk about whatever he wants... he doesn't reciprocate.

The ONLY time he is romantic is when he wants to have sex. He starts being super sweet to me and I think, "Oh my gosh he's finally being nice again" and I let him do whatever he wants to do. I'm just over the moon that he's showing me some attention and care. Then when its over he goes right back to coldness. I don't meant to be graphic but he'll still be inside me and I sense it. I feel so stupid for falling for it again and used. I cry myself to sleep right there and he doesn't do anything about it. He sleeps like a baby.

So many times I've cried and he'll just stand there or leave the room or go to sleep. Someone might have died and I'll be crying and he'll just look at me like I'm crazy. If I get emotional over something he'll do this sigh like, "here we go again" and he might pat me on the back or something but that's it. He used to hold me when I was upset. He wasn't always like this. I don't know what happened.

We did do couples counseling and things got better for a short time. After our child was born things went back to how they were. He won't go back to couples counseling. He said he feels as if things were fixed back then. He also says he doesn't have time.

In the 10 years that we've been together, I've grown a lot as a person. I am almost a completely different person. I'm very happy with who I am and I'm proud of my personal growth. My husband has remained the same... except for being extremely cold.

He used to be so warm and loving. I felt cherished. He used to make jokes and laugh. He used to think I was charming and cute. I have tried to recreate those situations in which he was happy and warm only to be disappointed.

There's a possibility that he's depressed and I've tried to talk to him about that. He won't seek help for it. Very, very staunchly against seeing someone about it.

I know he's not cheating. I thought that had to have been it and I've snooped every possible way to snoop. I've checked for clues everywhere. He's not cheating. Sometimes I kind of wish he was because that would be an easy explanation for what's happening. I could leave him and have a good reason for doing so. I could maybe stop loving him...

As it is, if I leave, people will say I should have stayed and worked on the marriage. I'll look like the bad guy and I don't want that. I also don't want to leave a marriage if there's still hope. I do love him very much which is why I stay and put up with this nonsense.

Is it time to give up? What can I do?

EDIT TO CLARIFY My husband is not a complete shitstain, which I thought I mentioned in the first paragraph. He's a good guy in general just not being a great partner to me. I didn't spend much time talking about that though, because it's not exactly relevant to the matter at hand. I do love him and I have a good reason to love him. I don't expect him to be perfect. If he'd work on this issue with me just enough for me to see real improvement, that would be enough for me to see he really does care.

Yes, I did snoop because he gave me his computer and phone to browse through a few years ago when I mentioned the fact that he was distant and maybe he was cheating. He basically said, "I'm not cheating, feel free to look through my computer, etc." I then took that opportunity to look and see if he was cheating. I also have all his passwords in case of an emergency. He made me a list himself. If I wanted to snoop again, I could. But since I'm satisfied that he's not cheating, I don't. The issue here is not cheating. I wish it were, because that would be an easier fix.

I don't cry at the drop of a hat, I don't know where you guys got that from. I don't have PPD. I don't go around mourning my miscarried children all the time. As far as that goes, all I ask is that he doesn't ignore me when I bring it up. If it's hurtful to him to have a day of remembrance, that is understandable and I would be more than happy to give him all the space he needs. But I don't know what he needs because he doesn't tell me. I can't read his mind.

My child does not witness any of the negativity in our marriage. Mostly because when the child is around, he acts sweet towards me. Same around family and friends. It's only when we're alone that we have conflict.

In the past if I've mentioned leaving, he will say, "Do what you wanna do". But then later goes on to tell me how he plans to fight tooth and nail to keep my child from me and from paying for anything and treats me like I'm going after his money. So I'm pretty hesitant to go that route.

We've done counseling. We've done love languages. I tried books. I've sent him emails. I've sent texts. I've sat him down calmly. I've written him letters. He.will.not.talk.to.me.

tl;dr: My husband is emotionally shut down and does not want to work on it. He denies the existence of a problem. Should I stay and keep trying or should I go?

Admiral Ray posted:

[30 F]
[32 M]
10 yrs

Haifisch posted:

This thread is doing a really good job convincing me that marriage should be illegal before age 25.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

I [20F] use a Hitachi Magic Wand to treat my fibromyalgia. My parents [50s MF] are convinced I'm a harlot and confiscated it. This wouldn't be so bad on its own, but now the whole family knows and the pastor is visiting our house tomorrow. and now everyone knows, including the pastor, who is coming over to correct my sinning ways.

ArbitraryC posted:

Wait is fibro real i thought it was on the same side of morgellons.

ArbitraryC posted:

Wait is fibro real i thought it was on the same side of morgellons.

Admiral Ray posted:

Should I [30 F] leave my husband [32 M] of 10 yrs? He refuses to work on our marriage.Relationships (self.relationships)


Just wait it out, I'm sure he'll come around eventually.

quote:

Anastasia McPherson Pilcher said...
You write "....someone who isn't selfish and who is prepared to do a lit of work without getting much back."

That describes a lot of As/NT relationships. Right now I'm depleted from my one-sided relationship with an aspie but even in a calm moment of clarity, why should anyone do this in a romantic or marital partnership? These relationships are supposed to be between equals and about reciprocity.

I believe that there are some aspies that could have a relationship that is give and take. It depends on how high their functioning is, where their deficits are and what compromises and accommodations the other partner can make. Post a here speak of clear communication, BUT these are the areas where people with Aspergers have trouble. If my husband and I could communicate, things might be at least bearable.

An example. Once, when very emotional after days of passive aggressive stonewalling from my partner, I shouted. "I would rather die than continue living like this. Please, talk to me. Just talk to me." My husband proceeded to start giving me a lecture on Winston Churchill. He was watching a documentary on Churchill at the time. When I responded "What the F ars you doing?" He replied "Talking to you. That is what you asked."

Pick posted:

This thread is pretty long so we may have some newbies, please enjoy the reference:

ArbitraryC posted:

Wait is fibro real i thought it was on the same side of morgellons.

ArbitraryC posted:

Wait is fibro real i thought it was on the same side of morgellons.

Beachcomber posted:

I used to think this until I got a diagnosis of Atypical (blank) Pain which is doctor speak for "hosed if we know"

The pain is real but there's no science way to determine that or what's causing it. And OTC painkillers and even morphine don't make a dent. Medical MJ makes it worse.

Imagine feeling like your thumb is broken and that if you move it it will hurt that much more. There's nothing wrong with your thumb, and moving it doesn't make it hurt more. But your brain keeps telling you it will and oh god why aren't you doing anything about this?!