/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Malthuras: Feb 23, 2012; Go away

The astounding lack of testicles most of these men have in these "relationships" is mind boggling.

# ? Sep 22, 2017 22:56

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# ? Jun 12, 2024 05:11

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Palpek posted:

Please don't flirt with the 3rd guy. At least don't flirt with the 4th guy. Ok ok, 5th guy is where I'm drawing the line!

37 DICKS?!

# ? Sep 22, 2017 23:41

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Doggles posted:

No longer trust my [19 M] girlfriend [21 F], unsure of how to proceed

https://i.imgur.com/depFQIW.gifv

The whole thing about this is funny in a sad way but I gotta say I really got caught up onto him mentioning who "initiates intimacy" when they haven't had sex. And he specifies that she's responding to him asking permission, so I'm imagining a dude literally asking his girlfriend of 3 years if it's okay for him to kiss her and her saying "Sure, I guess"

# ? Sep 22, 2017 23:58

Shugojin: Sep 6, 2007; THE TAIL THAT BURNS TWICE AS BRIGHT...

loquacius posted:

but I guess this is why high-schoolers shouldn't date college kids

this and a myriad of other reasons, that when put together you call "life experience" or "maturity" or "jesus gently caress that person is way too young for you you loving creep"

# ? Sep 23, 2017 00:20

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Me [35 F] with my husband [32 M] of 3 years, had a disaster of a wedding. I want friends and family to lay off my anniversary and I want to figure out how to deal with my anger about the whole situation and find a possible solution

quote:

Our 3 year wedding anniversary was 5 days ago, and we have been trying fruitlessly to get people to celebrate our actual anniversary in mid Aug for 3 years.

The backstory is that we were together for 4 years and always celebrated our anniversary on the day we became an official couple, and it was cute and romantic and all that. At the 4 year point, we became aware that we needed to get a marriage license because we were told by several banks that it was significantly easier to get a mortgage as a married couple (this ended up being not the case for most banks, but we didn't know that) and the marriage license would take care of the legal stuff with the house. The bigger issue however was that my husband took a job with a company based in the UK that doesn't provide health insurance as the UK has national healthcare. He was told he'd get a stipend that he assumed would be enough to cover a health insurance policy, and he stupidly didn't research how much those cost. The stipend is a whopping $1000/year, which is not enough to get anything but a catastrophic insurance plan. He can't qualify for Obamacare because he makes too much. In order for him to be on my coverage, we had to be married at my work. So for those two reasons, we knew we needed a marriage license, and fast.

We decided we did want to have a wedding because we wanted to have a big party but we needed the license on a specific timeline. We told our family, who were surprised because they knew we didn't care about marriage, but were excited. The problem was we were both swamped with work and didn't really have time to plan a wedding. I wanted to delay the actual wedding til we had time and just get the license, but the church said we couldn't and we got significant blowback from friends and family when I mentioned it. I didn't realize that was such a thing. So my mom helpfully stepped in to plan the wedding, and it was a disaster. My mom and I had always been close, but the way she was planning was basically by not planning. She's not dumb but she literally did not think through any of the logistics of what she was doing. I had always heard about moms and daughters fighting about weddings over stupid crap like decorations or guest lists, and this wasn't that- it was like, mom wants to order only small trays of sandwiches for a wedding of 100 people and if there's not enough food people can leave the reception and go to a restaurant. Keep in mind money wasn't an issue; it's just the model of wedding my parents have seen has been my cousins who had 20 people go to a church and then to someone's house after for a reception of pizza and beer. They were basically trying to scale that up to 140 people and it wasn't working. They also put down tens of thousands of dollars in non-refundable deposits because they didn't understand they woudn't get that back with a cancelation, so canceling the wedding wasn't an option. We needed the guests' gifts to make up the cost. And since we were on a serious deadline to get the license, we couldn't back off anyway.

Anyway, I ended up having to do a ton of work for the wedding, it was like a second job, my husband refused to get involved, and we were at the lowest point of our relationship when the wedding hit. We were fighting non-stop and you can tell in the wedding photos that we're upset with each other. We went to couples therapy instead of a honeymoon, and eventually got back on track.

Here's the current issues:

Shortly after we got married we became aware that we didn't qualify for a mortgage and wouldn't for two years, so we rushed into getting it for no reason, we could have waited two years. I also got a new job that has domestic partner benefits, so we could have gotten him on that insurance without being married. I also got a huge raise with the new job and it's fewer hours, which means if we were planning the wedding now, we could have had a much nicer wedding with far less work on our part. Despite costing $30k, our wedding was pretty barebones because this is a high cost of living area. All of these factors make both of us just blanch at the memory of the wedding. We want a do-over.

And then, each year, we get an influx of OMG congrats from people. We have been telling people each year on our actual anniversary that we celebrate that one only (the one in Aug) and please celebrate that, and people don't listen. I was hoping it would wear off but 3 years out it's a source of pain for us. I really wanted a nice, stress-free wedding now, where I could plan with my money. I want a wedding where my husband and I aren't screaming at each other as we got in the car to go to the church. I basically want a do-over, and I don't want people to be shoving this wedding in our face forever. How do I convey all of this to people in a way it sticks? And is there a shot at having some sort of a do-over?

tl;dr: Me [35 F] with my husband [32 M] of 3 years, together for 8, had a disaster of a wedding. I want friends and family to lay off my anniversary and I want to figure out how to deal with my anger about the whole situation and find a possible solution.

quote:

Well we wouldn't do a marriage redo thing I don't think. What someone else suggested doing is a "we've been a couple for x years party", which we could do in 2 years on our 10 year anniversary. One of the major things that rankles me is that people keep insisting that the marriage marked some big change and it didn't. We're still in the same relationship, and people tend to lop off the years before the party, like they don't count. It irks me to no end when people are like they've been married 3 years! Um we've been together for 8! Don't make it sound like those 5 years don't count the same way.

"Why does everyone keep treating this mountain like a molehill? :qq:

# ? Sep 23, 2017 01:35

Barudak: May 7, 2007

This story is so long and so poorly told by a thunderous idiot that I genuinely dont know if it signifies anything. .

I assumed the issue was they got a court wedding then did a different public ceremony wedding and people only well wish them on the ceremony date, but it sounds like those were the same thing and ahe wants them to celebrate the day they started dating?

# ? Sep 23, 2017 02:16

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

Barudak posted:

This story is so long and so poorly told by a thunderous idiot that I genuinely dont know if it signifies anything. .

I assumed the issue was they got a court wedding then did a different public ceremony wedding and people only well wish them on the ceremony date, but it sounds like those were the same thing and ahe wants them to celebrate the day they started dating?

Yeah, she can't understand why everyone defaults to the culturally traditional milestone as opposed the arbitrary date they want. 'Tis a conundrum, for sure.

# ? Sep 23, 2017 02:24

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

Haifisch posted:

Me [35 F] with my husband [32 M] of 3 years, had a disaster of a wedding. I want friends and family to lay off my anniversary and I want to figure out how to deal with my anger about the whole situation and find a possible solution

"Why does everyone keep treating this mountain like a molehill? "

If the rest of your life is as poorly planned out as your rush to marriage then you've got a long life of sitcom-esque hilarity in front of you.

# ? Sep 23, 2017 02:30

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

Stopped robbery, fired a gun (not necessarily in self defense)

quote:

Last night I was at a gas station by my apartment I frequent, buying coffee and snacks to stay up all night studying. I was looking at the cheezits, with a couple aisles between me and the register, and a short, small homeless-looking man walked in. I noticed him as soon as he walked in. He was walking unsteadily and looked intoxicated. He walked up to cashier, pulled out a pistol, waved it at the employee with finger on the trigger. He didn't even look around before he did this. He started mumble-slurring, saying "I need money, give me money man, I'll loving kill you". He didn't sound angry/agitated so much as sad and having trouble with his words. The employee put his hands up and stood there with a deer in the headlights look. I saw he was much smaller than me, and clearly not mentally alert, and I figured I could take the gun from him. Strangely I was not scared at all, maybe I should have been. I walked up behind him right away and he didn't turn around or notice me. When I got close enough, I lunged for the gun. He tensed up as soon as he felt me, I held his hand (and gun) pointed at the ground as best as I could, and I bit his arm as hard as I could. Like really loving hard, I felt like my teeth sunk into him. He yelled and let go of the gun, I jumped back. As soon as I jumped back he was already turned and running towards the door. I don't know why, but I shot twice into the ceiling over his head. Prior to attacking him I had thought "i'm going to shoot the gun as soon as I have it, to make sure it works (chambered, loaded, off safe) in case I have to actually shoot him". I carried through with it even though it wasn't really necessary because he was already leaving. He kept running (totally cured of his lethargy at this point), I stepped outside and saw him running away. I went back inside and set the gun on the counter. Employee said "holy poo poo". My nerves started going crazy and I instantly realized I might have hosed up bad with the shooting.

911 is called, cops are there within minutes. They talk to both of us separately. They also talk to a girl who had been in her car who didn't see anything except him running off and me stepping outside with the gun. I remembered that video that always get shared on reddit about never talking to the cops. I said, quote unquote, "he came in demanding money and threatening to kill him, I feared for my life and I acted to protect our lives." I explained that I really wanted to cooperate, and I don't believe I did anything wrong or illegal, but I really don't want to talk right now. I really tried to pass it off as a "i didn't do anything wrong, I just don't want to talk as a legal precaution thing". I described the guy best as I could. When they continued asking me question about my actions, I just said "I have nothing to say about that". In the middle of this a cop came outside and they asked me about the shooting and the scuffle. Same thing, I have nothing to say about this. They were annoyed, but if I read it correctly, it was a "you're not actually introuble, why are you being this difficult" kind of annoyed. After a while of me sitting there and them doing whatever the gently caress cops do, they tell me I'm not being arrested and I can go. Obviously they have my information and all that. I walk away a bit and stop and light a cigarette and watch. They are there for a couple hours, employee is still there. I think they let me go early because they assumed I wasn't going to say anything else, but they were inside talking to employee for a long time, and they might have decided from what he was saying that I wasn't going to be charged. That's what I'm hoping anyways. I asked how I will "find out if anything comes up that pertains to me" (I was trying to beat around the bush as far as "am I in trouble) and they said they would mail me or come to my apartment.

I'm not sure how to phrase this, so... am I hosed? how much? should I retain a lawyer? Obviously I haven't heard anything else yet

I am in New Jersey. That's not my real state at all, I just want to satisfy the bot. I'll probably delete this post in a bit if you all think I should.

In the comments he argues with literally everyone, and I suspect he might be the human embodiment of that navy seals copypasta

# ? Sep 23, 2017 02:31

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Admiral Ray posted:

If the rest of your life is as poorly planned out as your rush to marriage then you've got a long life of sitcom-esque hilarity in front of you.

The "funniest" part is they're so bad at planning they didnt even rush into marriage despite trying.

# ? Sep 23, 2017 02:33

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Me, a bisexual (19/f) just found out the guy from England I've been talking to (18/m) is against gay marriage. Earlier today he bought plane tickets to see me in Sweden

quote:

I've been talking to a guy that I've known since I was about 12 seriously for about a month. We didn't talk to eachother much growing up but recently we've connected again for about a year through mutuals online.

I've recently moved to Sweden for university but him and my mutual friends have booked flights to see me in December. He wanted to see me sooner than that and earlier today booked a flight to see me this weekend.

Just earlier we were discussing about what it was like for me to come out. He then went on to tell me that he didn't think it was okay for gay people to get married in church and when asked why he said because of historical value.

Then I brought up that racism and sexism was prevailent in churches and whether he thought that should be okay because that has 'historical value'.
He then went on to say that marriage should only be for people who can conceive naturally and then I asked him why that didn't apply to straight people who couldn't conceive and then he told me that he didn't want to continue the discussion.

I hung up the call and he messaged me 10 minutes later saying it wasn't his fault it was his opinion because his family is religious.

tl;dr

Potential love interest buys a flight to see me this weekend. Later on in the day he tells me he's against gay marriage, what do I do?

Brexit can't come soon enough.

# ? Sep 23, 2017 02:37

Barudak: May 7, 2007

You dont have to buy the cow just because it gives the milk away for free, lady.

# ? Sep 23, 2017 02:39

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

Lol that dumb fucker could've gotten himself killed for, maybe, $150 in cash in the till tops and also bit a homeless person.

# ? Sep 23, 2017 02:46

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Me, a bisexual (19/f) just found out the guy from England I've been talking to (18/m) is against gay marriage. Earlier today he bought plane tickets to see me in Sweden

Brexit can't come soon enough.

Bring him on a double date with you and your real date.

# ? Sep 23, 2017 02:48

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

Danaru posted:

Stopped robbery, fired a gun (not necessarily in self defense)

In the comments he argues with literally everyone, and I suspect he might be the human embodiment of that navy seals copypasta

Thread is locked, but holy poo poo that guy.

quote:

Counsel_for_RBN Peacock Captain 348 points 21 hours ago
It would be a wonderful idea to get a lawyer. Firing twice at a person running away is certainly not a good look. Neither is negligently firing a gun. "If I get the gun from him I'm going to shoot it to make sure it works" is one of the more retarded things I've read in a very long time.

legalthrowaway44567 [S] -55 points 21 hours ago
and as far it being retarded, I have fired a handgun exactly 3 times in my life. I was not familiar with whatever he had. It wasn't like I was going to stand there and check if there a little red dot on the switch. Firing it seemed like the most obvious way to confirm it could be fired.
I understand this is not really legally ideal, but like I said, I wasn't thinking about that.

Counsel_for_RBN Peacock Captain 163 points 21 hours ago
You're proving my point.

Proteus Jones fucked around with this message at 02:53 on Sep 23, 2017

# ? Sep 23, 2017 02:49

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

He's just mad bc she owned him with her question.

# ? Sep 23, 2017 02:56

goethe.cx: Apr 23, 2014

Proteus Jones posted:

Thread is locked, but holy poo poo that guy.

"I understand this is not legally ideal, but I'm going to post about it anyway"

# ? Sep 23, 2017 02:57

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

Koyaanisgoatse posted:

"I understand this is not legally ideal, but I'm going to post about it anyway"

Even better, a notified him there was a problem with his submission and replicated all the text in the bot comment. He complained as he wasn't comfortable with having his post copied verbatim, and the mod told him too bad and look at it as a life lesson.

# ? Sep 23, 2017 03:01

Jeffrey of YOSPOS: Dec 22, 2005; GET LOSE, YOU CAN'T COMPARE WITH MY POWERS

Proteus Jones posted:

Yeah, she can't understand why everyone defaults to the culturally traditional milestone as opposed the arbitrary date they want. 'Tis a conundrum, for sure.

Eh the day you met/started dating/made it official all seem more significant to me than the day of the big party. At least in the 21st century, the wedding is a celebration of y'all working as a couple, it's not really a beginning of any sort the way your actual anniversary is.

I also think it's weird for friends to talk about your anniversary though so maybe I'm the weird one.

# ? Sep 23, 2017 05:03

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

My gf [25 F] of 3~ years is wearing a male roommate's clothes to bed with me - am I wrong to be bothered?

quote:

m a 26 year old male. The male roommate/mutual friend has made a couple inappropriate/suggestive jokes or comments towards her that have made me uneasy. She's shut it down when it happens, and insists it means nothing - I believe it is nothing to her, but I do find myself questioning his intentions.

So, she playfully (non-flirtatiously) took some a couple shirts of his and has been wearing them around the house from time to time. Because I'm already a little wary of this guy, it bothered me to see her doing this with him, especially for her to wear it to bed and for me to be lying next to her with his shirt on. In my experience (and I could be wrong), girls typically wear their partner's clothes around, and it's generally a cute thing couples do. She's worn my clothes plenty before, of course. I already brought it up with her, and she agreed to not wear them anymore, but in general, was this inappropriate for her to do? Or am I just being too insecure?

tl;dr: Male roommate/mutual friend has made some uncomfortable comments and jokes towards my girlfriend over time, which she typically shuts down when it happens. She's worn his clothes now and then around the place, and it rubs me the wrong way. Is this me just being insecure or is it inappropriate?

, side-guy redditor.

Wife [25F] cusses at me [26M] and says it's no big deal

quote:

My wife constantly cusses at me and name calls when she's mad which lately in our relationship is more often than not. She says that she works all day and is always tired(which is usually her fault because she stays up late watching tv and sometimes says it's my fault because we're arguing) I tell her I do not do this to her and that I want just want respect. She says that because I'm so skinny I'm being sensitive and she's sure other guys who are more built than me would react the way I do to how I talk to her. She says I know how to be a husband in every sense but I don't know how to handle her. She says she's improved from how she used to treat me but I said she still treats me like crap only for her to respond I don't treat you like crap, I'm young and this isn't how I'm going to act forever you need to understand that.

Is she actually going to change? She's telling me when she gets a promotion in her job that she's going to stop cussing and be a better person. Lately I've been getting more into the Bible and stopped cussing and she says that I'm on a high horse and that she's a different person than me and I need to understand that. Even though she cusses it's no big deal.

Tl:dr wife cusses at me constantly when she's mad, says it's no big deal. Says if it's because I'm so skinny and if I was more built that I would handle it. Says that she's going to change but she's better, when I say she treats me like crap she says she doesn't and I need to stop being sensitive.

My boyfriend [22/M] wont let me [24/F] drink alcohol? Im not a bar/club type of person, I just like to have a beer at home at the end of the day but he wont let me

quote:

He thinks I have a problem with alcohol because I used to drink 3/4 days a week, but it was only at night, and only after I came home from work (I was in college and working two part time jobs at the time). Im not big into clubs or bars or anything, Im almost 25 and have only been to three bars in my life. The thing is, I just like to have a beer after work or at the end of the day. I really only drink once a month now that weve been living together, but even that is too much for him. Im kind of losing my mind with this. He says that Im not very smart and that drinking will make me dumber, the thing is, I know that Im smart! I was the only one of all my friends to go to college, and the only one of my friends to not get pregnant and on food stamps. I grew up with a rougher around the edges type of life than he did, but Im proud of the things Ive accomplished. He wants me to improve my brain and get smarter but says that drinking will make me dumber. I think this is a copout though, because hes told me before that drinking could make me gain weight, I think thats the real reason. Either way Im kind of suffocating. Also about twice a month he will blow up on me and tell me Im stupid, retarded, an idiot, too stupid for college......The sad thing is Im actually really smart, my siblings and parents have told me that Im the smartest one in my whole family (none of them went to college although they do well for themselves), Im proud of myself in what Ive done and I think Im smart, but he has put it into my head over and over and over how stupid I am and Im starting to believe him. What can I do about the name calling? He gets mad when I bring it up and tries to pretend like nothing happened and that I should just shut up about it. I havent had a beer in almost two weeks and Id really like to have one to relax, but he wont let me walk to the store to get one. Sidenote, he doesnt drink, but he smokes weed everyday. I tell him this isnt fair, but he says that he lets me vape so I let him smoke weed and thats an even trade off, and that I cant have alcohol on top of the vaping (I used vaping to help myself get off cigarettes although I eventually plan to quit vaping too)

tl;dr: Boyfriend wont let me drink alcohol, he says it will make me dumb and that my brain is already messed up. I think Im smart, Im the only one of my friends to go to college, but he thinks Im just a dumb and that drinking will make me "dumber" even though he smokes weed every day. I dont like bars or clubs, I just want to have a beer at the end of the day but he wont let me

# ? Sep 23, 2017 05:24

Jim Barris: Aug 13, 2009

It'd be funny if it weren't so sad how many of these are just 'my gf/bf constantly brings me down and attacks my self-worth, is this a problem?'

# ? Sep 23, 2017 05:27

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Me [20F] and boyfriend [21M] of almost 2 years�thinking I need to break up with him.

quote:

I'm going to try and make this brief, but I apologize if I ramble on. Alt account for anonymity.
Boyfriend and I met 2 years ago at school. We sorta awkwardly hit it off for awhile and after about 4 months of knowing each other, we started dating. 2 months after, he had a home issue that involved him getting kicked out of the house (not his fault, just the result of a bad situation) and living basically full time at mine. He lived there rent-free although his family was always very kind to me and would often pay my share of expensive dinners and family trips, so I am very grateful for that.

BF is not a social guy. He doesn't have many friends and honestly, no interests, hobbies and spends a lot of time just scrolling Facebook or watching youtube videos. He did go to school and graduate and worked a bit so it's not like he was a total lay-about. However, he never really challenged himself and while he finished school in the winter semester but I still had 1 more semester left, he didn't make a huge effort to find more work or ways to occupy his time. So it ultimately became up to me to entertain him and keep him busy. This meant that we were rarely away for each other for more than a few hours and it drove me insane. I need my space and alone time, but I could never get it when he's living, working and going to school with me. It was maddening.

However, I stuck through with it because I knew he didn't have anywhere to go and I knew he was struggling. I seriously considered ending things a number of times but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Maybe I'm weak, I don't know.

But I've been stuck in this relationship and I think it's time we end it. I don't think it's healthy for him to rely so heavily on me and I don't think it's good for me to feel trapped in a relationship I truly don't think is going anywhere. I'm no longer happy like I once was with him and I feel that I'm doing us both an injustice by prolonging this. I want to be free again, to go out and do things without feeling like I need to rush home and talk to him so he doesn't get upset or depressed. I feel that he's asking too much of me to cater to his needs that heavily; it's not what I signed up for.

That being said, we are currently long distance as of 3 or 4 weeks ago. He's studying in the US and I'm in the UK. I know it's been really rough for him, again, he doesn't have many friends and spends a lot of time in his room. I feel that I'm enabling his isolated behavior by staying with him and I think it will do him some good to put himself out there and take risks socially. I honestly don't know what to do, what to say or even how to. I don't want this to be about blaming him, because I feel that I'm equally at fault for not standing up for myself and not pushing him to do better. However, I just don't know how to convey that I'm unhappy and want to end things without appearing insensitive and leaving him a depressed mess who can't function.

Please Reddit, I need help. Thanks for taking the time to read, I really appreciate it.

tl;dr Boyfriend depends almost entirely on me for social interaction. He has few friends, no interests or hobbies and not a whole lot of ambition. I'm upset because I don't like having to cater to him like this and I want to finally be free to live my own life without feeling the pressure to run home and make sure he's okay. I'm lost and a bit confused.

This response is amazing:

quote:

Just break up with him. After your break up, he isn't your responsibility any more. Stop setting yourself on fire to keep him warm. You don't want to be in a relationship with him any more. It's ok to be selfish here. He will deal with the break up like any other adult will. If he threatens to do something stupid during the break up, it's a manipulation tactic and the right response is to get in touch with the proper authorities and/or his friends/family. Just end things and move on with your life.

# ? Sep 23, 2017 06:20

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

The "stop setting yourself on fire to keep them warm" thing pops up a lot in /r/relationships comments. It seems just witty enough that people parrot it over and over.

My [19F] girlfriend is the worst texter and it's killing our relationship

quote:

We are long distance. I [19M] always try to show effort in my text messages but because [19F] she is so busy with school and sorority stuff her messages always come off short and uninterested. I'm at the point where it doesn't feel fair at all so I'm starting to match her effort and texting style. This leads to dry, short, and uninterested conversations like:

Me: how was your night? Her: goood hbu? Me: yeah it was alrighttt Her: hmm (Reciprocating) Me: well Her: idkk Me: okayy

We have tried to talk about it a few times and she just blames it on being busy and tired all the time. She says she does care and that she will work on it and then the same stuff happens. Basically feels like a misunderstanding. I don't think the way we text is normal. I hate comparing relationships but I know this isn't the way it should be. She basically feels like she can never please me which isn't the case. I just want to see some effort which I've made clear many time. What should I do, how should I handle this? Thanks

TL:DR girlfriends texting is uninterested, makes me feel bad, and it negatively affecting our relationship.

# ? Sep 23, 2017 08:07

Moon Atari: Dec 26, 2010

Can anyone link me to the one with the anime girl from the thread title? The thread is so long that I can't find it and I really need to know.

# ? Sep 23, 2017 08:55

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Eh the day you met/started dating/made it official all seem more significant to me than the day of the big party. At least in the 21st century, the wedding is a celebration of y'all working as a couple, it's not really a beginning of any sort the way your actual anniversary is.

I don't necessarily disagree with you, but I'm sure you don't get all indignant and surprised when almost everyone else around you still uses the traditional custom of using the marriage date for anniversaries.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

I also think it's weird for friends to talk about your anniversary

Agreed

# ? Sep 23, 2017 10:24

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

School MUN club punishing me for my political views

quote:

I have been a long-time member of my schools MUN with experience in many conferences and have won numerous awards. I however, am not a member of the MUN's club Executive commit meaning that i have zero say in conference allocations.

I made the mistake of announcing my support of trump in a civil manner in a very liberal school and now my MUN club is dicriminating against me by refusing to let me go to confrences. I have talked to them and they have told me it's punishment for having wrong political views.

I'm wondering if this is legal ?

MUN is apparently "Model UN"

quote:

The official reason is that because I announced that If I found out that any of my classmates or conference attendees were Illegal immigrants, I would report them to the ICE made me a threat to their safety which is ridiclous

quote:

It's preventing me from getting into a good college which is in a way denying me an equal education

quote:

I experessed my view in the most civil manner anyway I doubt any illegal immigrants are educated enough to attend MUN confrences. It's mostly virture signalling

quote:

How is it being a close-minded rear end in a top hat to admit that people from lower socio-economic ranges such as illegal immigrants are unlikely to attend MUN conferences or that many actions taken to protect illegal immigrants are only done as a signal of ones virture

quote:

I was never disruptive and always followed proper MUN procedure, Open-mindeness and allowing all voices is another pillar of the UN

And for the finale:

"Legal Advice' Subreddit bans me after critcizing illegal immigration after asking for advice following discrimination by my school to r/The_Donald

# ? Sep 23, 2017 11:05

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

Danaru posted:

School MUN club punishing me for my political views

MUN is apparently "Model UN"

And for the finale:

"Legal Advice' Subreddit bans me after critcizing illegal immigration after asking for advice following discrimination by my school to r/The_Donald

Jesus. Christ.

When people start telling you how reprehensible your political and social views are it's always "Why are you so intolerant." or "You really should exhibit more open mindedness for differing viewpoints", take the god drat clue.

Shut the gently caress up Hitler Youth, your fascism is not wanted here and the younger you learn this the better off for everyone.

Proteus Jones fucked around with this message at 11:11 on Sep 23, 2017

# ? Sep 23, 2017 11:09

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

loving lol.

I announced that I have a vendetta and that my blade thirsts for blood. Why do people not like me anymore?

# ? Sep 23, 2017 11:13

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

I announced my vendetta in a way that was compliant with model UN procedures. I don't see the problem here.

# ? Sep 23, 2017 11:15

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

*slams down both palms on the cafeteria table*

If ANY of YOU turns out to be an ILLEGAL immigrant I WILL report you to the POLICE immediately! Any wise guys here huh? HUH? Didn't think so, immigrants are too poor to be in school anyway.

Wait, why is everybody leaving the table, why am I being ostracized? I'll have you know that it was perfectly legal for me to say this, any lawyers around that could back me up?

# ? Sep 23, 2017 11:29

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

Heartbroken, feeling alone and confused. (self.polyamory)

Formatting by me, this was one giant wall of text

quote:

I'm very new to polyamory and I just got my heart broken. My girlfriend (20f) of 2 years and I (22m) just broke up. We were off and on open throughout our relationship. Among a handful of other issues it seemed that to her open relationships were about random one night stands and hookups while for me it was about meaningful connection and trying to pursue multiple ongoing relationships. Admittedly I realize I was probably pushing her towards something she wasn't comfortable with.

Any way I met a really awesome girl, A, (24f) who I got along with really well and really wanted to build more of a relationship with. When I brought it up to my gf she was uncomfortable with it so I put it on hold while we worked on things between us. Eventually she started warming up to the idea of multiple meaningful relationships or so I thought. I still held off on continuing things with A because she was out of town for a while. In the meantime my gf explored relations with other guys she was interested in. The first, a friend of mine which I really supported and hoped would work for the best didn't seem to have the connection she was looking for so it more or less turned into another hookup. then a week ago she ended up hooking up with another mutual friend of ours at a party.

Long story short last night she tells me she's leaving me for said friend. And here I am feeling lost alone and confused. I realize I was pushing for something that more or less resulted in my pushing her away. I just don't know how to move forward from here. In theory poly life really speaks to me and i believe I've felt comperson before and I've never been the jealous type. I want love in my life and the concept of having it in abundance sounds so amazing. I should note that I've also been working really hard at my communication skills because I believe that even if I don't end up being poly that aspect of having clear communication is something I really want to have in all my relationships here on out.

Sorry for such a long rant but here's my question. Is poly for me? Should I continue to pursue A? I know she has a primary and can't necessarily give me all the attention I want that I felt I had coming from my now ex. Am I going about this all wrong? I feel like now I'm coming from a place of emptiness rather then a place of fullness and I'm scared that this underlying emptiness will come out through the way I act and scare off new potential partners. So I guess I'm wondering if I should abandon poly all together because it limits the pool of potential partners I could have in a sense. And I guess I'm just really afraid of ending up alone at this point which then again might be what I need. I'm going to see A for the first time in months today and last I spoke to her I told her the gf and I wanted her in our lives and to see how the water feels sort of speak but now I don't know what to tell her.

quote:

Polyamourous dating is fundamentally different from monogamous dating in at least one significant way. In monogamous dating the goal is normally combining your life's, we call it riding the relationship escalator, each step of the dating process make you more codependent, your life's more comingled. As the relationship escalates you tend to spend most of your time together and consume most of your entertainment together. That is not true for poly dating. In poly dating, especially if someone is doing hierarchal poly and already has a primary, you tend to only spend a pre-determined amount of your time together. You have a relationship budget. You are going to have more relationship time in your budget then her. It might behoove you to find other places than her to spend it. I highly recommend that for at least the next few month you spend it on you time.

How broken do you have to be to unironically use the phrase "relationship budget" and not immediately go holy poo poo what's wrong with me

# ? Sep 23, 2017 11:31

toiletbrush: May 17, 2010

Danaru posted:

How broken do you have to be to unironically use the phrase "relationship budget" and not immediately go holy poo poo what's wrong with me

Poly person: hmm yes monogamous relationships are bad because they are about control and ownership born out of jealousy, insecurity and fear that the partner will run off with someone better

Poly person: how do my poly relationships work? Oh, well...[goes on to describe crazy relationship heirarchy of primaries and secondaries and extensive framework of rules about exactly what is allowed and what isn't because I'm terrified of exactly the same thing]

# ? Sep 23, 2017 12:30

Bubblyblubber: Nov 17, 2014

I'm sorry wife-prime, I am way over budget in this quarter's compersion quota. We might need to reallocate some of your codependency to next quarter, and divest heavily from our banging randos reserves. How are those tps reports coming?

# ? Sep 23, 2017 12:44

FabioClone: Oct 3, 2004; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

cumshitter posted:

I announced my vendetta in a way that was compliant with model UN procedures. I don't see the problem here.

This is especially funny since Actual Trump just went to the Actual UN and threatened to genocide an entire country, and it was fine. It would probably make the model UN more accurate if they let the MAGA guy do his thing.

# ? Sep 23, 2017 13:16

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

Moon Atari posted:

Can anyone link me to the one with the anime girl from the thread title? The thread is so long that I can't find it and I really need to know.

Dire Chinchilla posted:

My [21F] boyfriend [24M] is obsessed with an anime girl

Probably fake, but also a good honeypot for people who think "not wanting your boyfriend to have a house full of anime girls" is an unreasonable thing, and collecting plastic anime crap is a hobby.

# ? Sep 23, 2017 14:16

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

quote:

In monogamous dating the goal is normally combining your life's

My life's what?

quote:

each step of the dating process make you more codependent, your life's more comingled.

What? What is more comingled?! Telllll meeee

# ? Sep 23, 2017 14:52

Barudak: May 7, 2007

tactlessbastard posted:

My life's what?

What? What is more comingled?! Telllll meeee

The secret word is "Genitals"

# ? Sep 23, 2017 16:01

HerStuddMuffin: Aug 10, 2014; YOSPOS

Serious question: is the term "compersion" something that has meaning for poly people, or are the worms in their brains interfering with their ability to spell "compassion" (or possibly "compression" but that seems less likely)?

# ? Sep 23, 2017 16:55

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

HerStuddMuffin posted:

Serious question: is the term "compersion" something that has meaning for poly people, or are the worms in their brains interfering with their ability to spell "compassion" (or possibly "compression" but that seems less likely)?

Sort of both

# ? Sep 23, 2017 16:58

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 12, 2024 05:11

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

quote:

Actually, I did trace down the origin, from one of the original Kerista members who claims to have been present (and whom I find believable). For your curiosity, he says it was created by the group via Ouija board (a device of which Kerista made extensive use for decision making), prompted when a couple of the female members were discussing positive feelings they had about their male partners with others and thought "there ought to be a word". It was not consciously invented from any roots. Alas, I don't believe there is any Wikipedia citable source for this origin, so even if true (and I believe it is), we can't describe it here.

it's brain worms

# ? Sep 23, 2017 17:19

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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