HerStuddMuffin posted:

Serious question: is the term "compersion" something that has meaning for poly people, or are the worms in their brains interfering with their ability to spell "compassion" (or possibly "compression" but that seems less likely)?

Danaru posted:

Heartbroken, feeling alone and confused. (self.polyamory)

Formatting by me, this was one giant wall of text



How broken do you have to be to unironically use the phrase "relationship budget" and not immediately go holy poo poo what's wrong with me

Clark Nova posted:

Danaru posted:

Heartbroken, feeling alone and confused. (self.polyamory)
How broken do you have to be to unironically use the phrase "relationship budget" and not immediately go holy poo poo what's wrong with me

quote:

Somebody gave some awesome advice and said to get both their phones and call "sweetie" on my dad's phone. I did just that, I couldn't get into the phone as I don't know his code so I just used Siri voice control.

Anyways, I called sweetie and the phonecall rang a few times and then went to voicemail... "Sue cannot take your call right now". This is crazy and weird, I could not think of who Sue could be, the only Sue I really know is K's mum. However, it sort of clears up that there's no affair between my girlfriend and my dad. Though it still doesn't explain why K and my dad spend a worrying amount of time together...

I've also just sent K a message saying "what's going on?" Her exact reply was "look, you might have noticed I've been avoiding you lately, we need to talk about a lot, soon." I've asked her if tomorrow is ok, no reply as of yet.

EDIT:
It was actually this morning that me and K met for coffee to discuss what's been going on. We met with a hug, but no kiss, she turned her head. We sat at a table in the corner, it was quiet inside so it was quite awkward and she was keeping her voice low. We started with more bullshit small talk until we fell silent and I grew the balls to address the issue "look I don't know what's going on, but I love you and we need to figure this out" I tried to hold her hands, but she slipped them out of my grip... she wasn't making eye contact it was like she was disgusted to be in my presence. She spoke "I've been hanging out with your dad a lot lately", this pissed me off big time, before she could continue I interrupted "yes, you've been spending a hell of a lot more time with him than me, it's like you're trying to gently caress my dad?" A look of horror appeared on her face, she went red and tears started to appear from her eyes. "Well it turns out he's not just your dad, he's also mine you inconsiderate a******" she stormed out without turning back. I was in shock, trying to comprehend what I'd just heard and if I had heard it right. My heart sank but I didn't cry. I sat and stared blankly at the wall for 20 minutes, thinking hard about my next move. I was confused, heartbroken, filled with anger and pain, can you imagine how messed up my head is? To find out the girl you've been in love with for the past 9 months is your half sister, can you even comprehend how much pain that has brought to me.

This still doesn't fully explain what the situation between my dad and her mom is. I would suppose there's some sort of affair going on, but the pain I'm feeling right now, I just don't want to find out. I deserve an explanation from my father but I don't feel ready to hear it. I don't know what to do really. It may just be best to leave it. Plus they keep removing my post so you guys may never find out.

As for me and K, I guess we're finished. I finally understand what she's been feeling the past almost month. I'm sick to my stomach. I could never have imagined anything so horrible and... just disgusting! I feel humiliated and violated, there's no way I could ever discuss this with someone with my true identity at place. It's much easier to talk about here.

I'm not sure what help I can seek. Who I should talk to? If I should tell my mum? If I should talk to my dad??! What do I do? I'm sorry if I don't get back to you guys on this, but there aren't words to describe my feelings right now. I hope you all understand. Thanks.

Buzkashi posted:

There was another post/update to the "is my girlfriend loving my dad" thing but idk if this is a troll or not but what the hell

quote:

It doesn't bother me enough to end it, so it's not a HUGE deal, but it's so bad that we can't even discuss politics without getting into an argument. Any advice on how to deal with it, other than just avoiding politics in general? Because that's where we are now. Tl;dr my boyfriend and I have crazy different political views and it cause arguments. Not sure how to avoid them without avoiding the topic entirely. I just want to be able to talk about something going on the country without him being devils's advocate to me because he doesn't see things the way I do.

Tl;dr boyfriend and I argue over politics

OP posted:

We've been dating for two years, I forgot to mention that. We are compatible, but with all the crazy poo poo happening in America we just see things SO differently.

OP posted:

For sure. It's nothing TOO crazy, honestly, I'm more conservative and he's Libertarian. It really just comes down to our individual interpretation of the constitution. I know this seems petty but I'm drunk and this is bothering me lol

Inescapable Duck posted:

If your boyfriend turns out to be your half brother you should probably like, tell him ASAP

But this far in this thread we should know that yes people can be that stupid

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Buzkashi posted:

There was another post/update to the "is my girlfriend loving my dad" thing but idk if this is a troll or not but what the hell

quote:

we have been friends for about 4 years, but only started dating recently, when I came back to my hometown where she still lives for my summer break from university. we had an amazing summer, and eventually decided, against what we had previously agreed on, that we should do a long distance relationship when I go back to school across the country. when I left also happened to be her first year in university, and now she seems to be changing a lot. all the years I have known her she has never smoked weed or drank more than champagne that her parents gave her, basically. I am in the same boat, I've been in college for years but never smoke and very rarely drink. now she has gotten drunk and drank a few time, and smoked once and planning to smoke again. i've been a bit too honest with how incredibly (and probably irrationally) upset this makes me feel, and she hasn't been very understanding, or willing to slow down at all so I can understand a bit more of why and how she is changing. I really don't want to break up with her over this, but it is reaching that point. I love this girl a lot, and really want to make this work, but it makes me sick when she smokes. I know reddit loves weed so maybe someone can convince me weed isn't bad, I just have a lot of personal experience showing it is

TL;DR long distance girlfriend starts smoking weed after years of not being like that at all, now I feel so sick about it I am considering breaking up with her

Haifisch posted:

my girlfriend [18F] is changing too fast for me [19M] to keep up. (Weed/alcohol)

quote:

Furry has always weirded me out a bit. Anthropomorphic animals are often associated with movies/TV/etc for kids, so sexualizing these types of characters makes me feel very uncomfortable.

My boyfriend has been open about being in the furry fandom since near the beginning of our relationship, but he has always assured me that he is only in it for the SFW art -- he is 100% not interested in any of the sexual stuff. He has reiterated this many times throughout our relationship, pretty much whenever furry stuff comes up in conversation.

I still find it kind of weird, but hey, live and let live. To be a good sport I read some of the furry webcomics he likes and look at art with him, and all in all I think I've been decently supportive.

However, he has recently told me that he is interested in the sexual side of the fandom and always has been.

I am deeply upset that he has outright lied to me about this, over and over again throughout our relationship. Trustworthiness is really important to me (as my boyfriend knows), and I'm shocked that he was comfortable lying to my face about something he knew mattered to me, on dozens of occasions.

I don't know how I feel about the furry porn. I don't think I'm upset by it anywhere near as much as I am by him lying about it. Still, a part of me is wondering if I'm just projecting my upset over the furry porn onto the lying.

Is being upset over this lie valid, or am I overreacting? I would understand a lie by omission, but it feels like he went out of his way to repeatedly lie to me about this.

tl;dr: Boyfriend revealed he is into furry porn after years of telling me he wasn't. Is it unreasonable of me to be upset?

corn on the cop posted:

My boyfriend [22 M] of four years lied to me [22F] about his furry interests


you're 100% more upset about the fetish than the lie, which isn't really a big deal in of itself unless your man has a bunch of craigslist postings up

quote:

he has always assured me that he is only in it for the SFW art

corn on the cop posted:

My boyfriend [22 M] of four years lied to me [22F] about his furry interests


you're 100% more upset about the fetish than the lie, which isn't really a big deal in of itself unless your man has a bunch of craigslist postings up

corn on the cop posted:

My boyfriend [22 M] of four years lied to me [22F] about his furry interests


you're 100% more upset about the fetish than the lie, which isn't really a big deal in of itself unless your man has a bunch of craigslist postings up

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

tell me more about how wanting to be a cartoon fox that fucks other cartoon foxes "isn't really a big deal"

Koyaanisgoatse posted:

i was going to ask how often furry stuff comes up, but then i remembered that my trivia team name last week was "trivial fursuit"

quote:

Me and my adult son were watching The Undateables from Channel 4 the other day and he said to me "Mum. Dad. I want help with dating."

My adult son has Asperger's Syndrome and lives at home with us. AFAIK, he's never shown interest in moving out and I'm not sure he's got the financial skills etc. to cope with it.

He's never been on a date in his life and has only shown some interest in it until now, but has generally been very into his maths and other projects.

My wife suggested using a dating agency that specialises in helping adults with learning disabilities as seen on the Channel 4 programme The Undateables but what's the advantages/disadvantages of it, for someone with this?

My son is fairly intelligent, albeit quiet, and it's not as obvious as other forms of autism. He was diagnosed with it aged seven.

I know my son has very specific preferences in what he wants in a partner; he said he wanted "an American man or woman, who's around my age but possibly without Aspergers, someone who likes same sort of things as me, obviously they've got to be not too far from me, y'know."

He said it wasn't an ethnic fetish, or anything "like white men with Thai brides", it was just who he was attracted to.

My son is open to the idea about the dating agency but worries it won't have anyone that he likes, no-one American living in the UK.

He's always had an interest in the US and reads websites like CNN, city-data etc. and US news sites a lot.

We live close to London but not in London itself.

I could say about dating sites but aren't they more risky for someone with Aspergers Syndrome?

We want to help our son but is he too narrow in his preferences, or too broad? What he's talking about isn't a physical preference, I guess.

Me and my son get on well, I want to help him and he's said "I want you to help me, Dad" but how can I help him?

I don't know where to start. Any advice? (not used to here , normally I'm at money.stackexchange so not used to your site!)

tl;dr: My son who has Asperger's Syndrome is worried about dating and how to meet people.

quote:

So my little sister Polly* is 19 and told me this weekend that she's 8 weeks pregnant and intends to keep it. Her boyfriend Juan* (who is 27) is currently in Mexico "visiting family" after she told him that she's pregnant, but we all get the vibe he's not coming back (at least not under his current identity). They met via Instagram; he literally slid in the DMs. I only met him once. He reposts a lot of MRA, Tasteless Gentlemen content on Facebook, including one article titled "You're not a Princess and You don't deserve better"....YIKES! All of his FB friends are exclusively 18-20 year old girls with sexualized profile pictures...I'm not exaggerating. He works at a flower shop and lives at home and is morbidly obese. My sister also lives with my parents, is currently training to be a pizza delivery driver, and tested into remedial reading & math classes at community college, so the odds of her finishing school even without a baby are low. She had a chance to go to a decent college out of high school but didn't so she could live and play house with Gene*, a 28 year old who started dating her when she was 16. 6 months ago, he evicted her from their apartment because she was cheating on him with Juan.

She told me that she's excited to have a "mini me" and "has wanted a baby for a long time...since last year." She told me she purposefully stopped taking birth control "because it made me feel weird" but continued to have unprotected sex. She can't pay her bills, frequently steals from family members (including me and my dad), and her car got impounded 2 weeks ago.

I'm freaked out not just because my sister can't provide for a child materially but also mentally/emotionally. She attempted suicide last year and has a long history of pathological lying, stealing, and self-harm. My dad is in complete denial and just said "well we don't know what happened" re: her slitting her wrists and OD-ing on Tylenol. He also says that her having an abortion will "haunt her for the rest of her life with guilty" which is BS but he's under the control of my religious step-mom Marie*. Marie told Polly to not get an abortion and, if caring for a child is too much, to just put the child in foster care. Imo that just causes so much undue human suffering that can be so easily avoided by her going to Planned Parenthood this week and taking the frickin abortion pill.

My sister is in complete delusional la la fantasy land and I am Very Upset with her poor decision making. She posts about how happy she is all over Facebook and how she won't listens to the "haters" (aka me and my older sister who feels the same way). When she told me, which was by having me open a Christmas card that read "Congratulations you will be an Aunt on 7/31/2017", I was in just shock and asking "Why? Why do you want to make your life even harder? What if Juan leaves you? How will you finish school? Don't you want to move up in life? Do you want to live in poverty and on welfare for the rest of your life?" I did come off as angry & mean & judgmental because I felt nobody else will give her real talk (and I am still very emotional). Consequently, she blocked me on every social media and won't respond to my texts. She told my other sister that she's "ignoring" me because I didn't respond with OMG CONGRATULATIONS YOU'LL BE A GREAT MOM.

I haven't lived with my sister for over 6 years and I spent the past 3 years living 600 miles away. I moved closer to home this year but I haven't been close to her. The day she told me I had planned for us to get mani-pedis and dinner and bond...but that didn't happen! I've tried, believe me, but it's hard to communicate with someone who normally gives 1-word responses and would much prefer being with a guy than a female friend or sister. I'm shocked and angry, but I can't accept her decision. We grew up with an abusive mom and I'm afraid my sister will just become my mom--negligent, impoverished, uneducated, and perpetually dependent on men. I feel guilty that I haven't been able to guide her through life, but then again I don't think I could've made a difference. We're very different people.

Is my sister just a lost cause? How do I stop feeling angry? How would I repair our non-existent relationship? :/

tl;dr My sister is a hot mess and thinks having a baby will fix her problems. What are the odds it'll

Haifisch posted:

Me [23F] with my pregnant sister [19F], I can't accept that she won't get an abortion

cumshitter posted:

So I guess the exact date of the birth means she got a planned caesarean? Which I don't know a lot about but I imagine it has lasting effects on your body and also means she has a ton of medical debt, which she'll totally be able to pay off as an apprentice delivery driver.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

My [23m] fiancée [23f] pissed in my shampoo bottle as a "prank." Is it an overreaction to break up with her?

My fiancée has never been a person to prank people. So that is why I was extremely surprised when she decided this would be a good idea.
I was in the shower and put my shampoo in my hair, and I could just smell pee. I finished my shower and used different shampoo and came out. When I finished i came out the bathroom and the fiancée just started laughing. I asked her what was so funny, and she asked if I liked the shampoo. I asked her what did she do, and she said she peed in the bottle! ""Got yooo babe""

I demanded she apologised and told her that It was downright disgusting and a really horrible thing to do. She said that it was just a joke and that I'm being overly sensitive.

I told her it was over and I went to my brothers for the night.
I've been getting non stop messages from her. Saying sorry and that I'm just silly for reacting like this. My brother laughed when I told him but he said ending it is my choice and if I can't forgive her, then don't.

I don't want to get back with my EX fiancée. I did not like her foolish prank. However, my mother said that I'm being to mean and that she wouldn't have meant any harm.

My ex fiancée is in bits and I do feel bad. But I also feel betrayed.
Tldr ; fiancée pulled a horrible prank. I don't want to forgive her. I broke up with her. Mother said I'm being to mean.

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Is she suffering from early-onset dementia or a stroke or something?

ArbitraryC posted:

testing the waters

quote:

I don't even know where to start. My husband and I have been together for 4 years. I got pregnant about 4 months in to us talking, we had only been officially dating for a month. He's a good guy and a great father. Like, a really good dad. He helps out so much, he's a great provider. We rarely fight and get along well for the most part. BUT when we do fight, it's the same thing we've been fighting about the last 4 years.

When we first got together, we were always going out and getting drunk. Inhibitions were down but during those times we fought a LOT cause he would get mean. He's nowhere NEAR the rear end in a top hat he was when we first got together. We barely drink anymore. But things were a lot easier, especially sex. We had sex a lot but what new couple doesn't? What bothers me is that he's not affectionate, at all, by any means. We don't hug, hold hands, kiss, or cuddle. I think we've held hands once. And it was awkward. I can tell he doesn't like affection, his body language screams it. Getting into the motions of sex now that we're sober all the time (we've had two kids since then) is painfully awkward. Like he doesn't know what to do. He's 32 and I know he hasn't been with many people. When I was pregnant, I broke down and messaged his ex-girlfriend of 5 years and asked why they broke up, asked if he was affectionate. She said nope, he wasn't affectionate at all and they broke up because it was something she needed and she wasn't getting it from him. She'd try and try and they'd fight about it all the time like how we would... it never changed. He always says "I'll try" and he never does. I truly think he doesn't know how to.

Then my son was diagnosed with autism a few weeks ago. I knew he was since he was 7 months old but every time we're with my in laws, they make comments like "DH used to do that as a kid" or "DH was also in speech and OT (off topic) as a child, he just needed some extra help". Then it hit me like a goddamn freight train: my husband has autism. He gets uncomfortable in social settings, he has trouble forming and keeping relationships, he's a software developer so he's very analytical, mathematical, and does many quirky things. His sister believes hes on the spectrum as well now knowing my son's diagnosis and how they act. My husband believes he is too.

But here's the thing: I'm not happy. I do love him, but affection is something I need and he will never be able to give that to me. I can't even hug him without him clenching up and being awkward. I've tried to hold his hand or initiate affection and it's painfully awkward. He says he doesn't mind PDA at all, but his body language screams otherwise. I don't know what to do. We don't even have sex anymore. I'm just too burned out but my children plus it's like, he will initiate affection if he wants sex and that's it. He has been like this with every girlfriend he has. He just sees cuddling/affection as leading to sex and I've explained you don't ALWAYS have to have sex to show and I've affection. I'm lost. He's a great dad, he's funny, he always has me laughing. He's a great parent and partner for the most part, but I don't know if the affection thing I can look past. I feel like we're really good roommates that are raising children together and it makes me so sad. I know he will never change.

Tl;dr husband is possibly on the autism spectrum, doesn't like affection at all and it's something I need and haven't been happy with. I feel like roommates and I've told him a ton about it but he doesn't ever change it.