Microsoft: ~*spooky thread*~ post if you dare

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > Microsoft: ~*spooky thread*~ post if you dare

«‹›1152 »

Wheany: Mar 17, 2006; Spinya^{ha^{ha^haha}ha}ha_{ha_{ha_haha}ha}ha!; Doctor Rope

FMguru posted:

it was like the challenger disaster all over again except with selfies and texts instead of seven human lives and a billion dollar spaceship

so what you're saying is that roz ho is a better leader than what nasa had at the time?

# ? Sep 30, 2017 18:20

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 20, 2024 05:19

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

we don't even know how many deaths she caused

# ? Sep 30, 2017 18:21

minivanmegafun: Jul 27, 2004

yes. the original danger hiptop was from 2002, I'm gonna guess it was probably a dragonball cpu and less than a few megs of ram. finding its actual specs on google is proving difficult

# ? Sep 30, 2017 18:21

Dodoman: Feb 26, 2009; A moment of laxity
A lifetime of regret; Lipstick Apathy

Over 9000kb obviously

# ? Sep 30, 2017 18:33

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

infernal machines posted:

didn't it turn out the sidekick platform was so tightly coupled to the backend that it didn't even function as a phone while the service was out?

e: nm, that's kin i'm thinking of

no that was the sidekick, it really did store everything in the cloud

so when they blew up the backend with that failed upgrade they made unavailable every single users texts and contacts and pictures and everything else

the reason for the changeover was even stupider than the decision to go forward without adequate backup - sidekick ran on unix as a backend, msft is a windows shop so we cant have that, so the whole thing was converted over (at great expense and huge risk to the data) to windows server for no other reason than to avoid having people point to the sidekick and say "if windows is so great then why does msft run a big sprawling service on a unix platform?!?"

# ? Sep 30, 2017 18:38

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

i meant in a "still technically makes/receives phone calls and texts" sense. yeah, the user data was nuked, so if your phone powered off at any point during the outage, when it came back up it was empty. but you could still make calls

iirc the kin just straight up won't function any more (assuming you could find one), because the os relied on being able to contact the platform back-end to do anything

# ? Sep 30, 2017 18:50

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

still loling at the "we had exactly one disaster recovery backup, we had to delete it to start this disaster recovery backup, and now you're telling us to stop 1/3rd of the way through because a vendor says it'll be fine?"

# ? Sep 30, 2017 18:53

pseudorandom name: May 6, 2007

infernal machines posted:

i meant in a "still technically makes/receives phone calls and texts" sense. yeah, the user data was nuked, so if your phone powered off at any point during the outage, when it came back up it was empty. but you could still make calls

also stuff just vanished randomly like that episode of Star Trek as the phone shuffled things off the device and into the cloud

# ? Sep 30, 2017 19:00

Fuzzy Mammal: Aug 15, 2001; Lipstick Apathy

the kin was a failure the second they charged the same data/sms/ancillary rates that you would pay for a true smartphone. it was a cut down device good for teens and if it had cost the same as a flip phone but did tall the pics and stuff extra it could have had a chance.

# ? Sep 30, 2017 19:14

Cybernetic Vermin: Apr 18, 2005

i mean, it was dead when it was decided it was going to be dead (due to usual internal microsoft politics) before launch, so sort of hard to tie it down to some practical detail which was sure to *also* kill it

# ? Sep 30, 2017 19:20

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

verizon wanted it dead as much as ms did by the time it finally rolled out.

# ? Sep 30, 2017 19:56

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

it was dead when they forced a switch mid development from bsd and java to windows ce and dot net and all of the good people they got when they bought danger found other jobs.

# ? Sep 30, 2017 20:10

Notorious b.s.d.: Jan 25, 2003; by Reene

the kin was the julius caesar of product launches

so many knives sticking out of its back, no one can ever identify a single killer

# ? Sep 30, 2017 21:32

Chris Knight: Jun 5, 2002; me @ ur posts; Fun Shoe

FMguru posted:

sidekick ran on unix as a backend, msft is a windows shop so we cant have that, so the whole thing was converted over (at great expense and huge risk to the data) to windows server for no other reason than to avoid having people point to the sidekick and say "if windows is so great then why does msft run a big sprawling service on a unix platform?!?"

so just like hotmail :laffo:

# ? Sep 30, 2017 22:32

Zam Wesell: Mar 22, 2009; [Zam is suddenly shot in the neck by a toxic dart; Anakin and Obi-Wan see a "rocket-man" take off and fly away, and Zam dies]

which one should I get thread

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpyx1vOF6qI

# ? Sep 30, 2017 23:04

ClassActionFursuit: Mar 15, 2006

FMguru posted:

lol the "essential" phone (andy rubins followup to android, backed with $1bn in vc moneys) has sold an estimated 5000 units so far

thats less than the kin

the rumor was that microsoft sold only 503 kins so actually its an order of magnitude better than the kin

no one has the resources to produce a bigger turd than microsoft and even the worst among us will never come close

# ? Sep 30, 2017 23:23

A Pinball Wizard: Mar 23, 2005; I know every trick, no freak's gonna beat my hands; College Slice

is there a good write-up of the kin and or Roz ho bc this sounds like top tier laffs

# ? Oct 1, 2017 01:17

ClassActionFursuit: Mar 15, 2006

the best write up was unfortunately in the microsoft threads in this forum at the time

# ? Oct 1, 2017 03:08

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

quote:

Microsoft's Kin failure sank morale at the company's Redmond campus according to an employee who emailed us after the news broke.

"Embarrassment all over campus from the rank and file about the Kin announcement," says this Microsoftie.

The problem is that, "no one thought it was a great product to launch anyway to begin with," and "Credibility in Mobile space is further eroded, as if that were even possible!"

Indeed, it opened up Microsoft for a vicious attack from the New York Times (of all places) which wrote, "the Kin debacle is a reflection of Microsoft�s struggle to deliver what the younger generation of technology-obsessed consumers wants. From hand-held products to business software, Microsoft seems behind the times." (Our emphasis added.)

Our Microsoftie told us:

"We had a huge launch party on campus and I bet that party cost more than the amount of revenues we took in on the product. As an employee, I am embarrassed. As a shareholder, I am pissed. It's one thing to incubate products and bring them to a proof-of-concept to see what works, but it's something else to launch. I suspect we launched because we felt like we HAD to so we could save face because we were trying to build buzz, but overall - HUGE fail."

Other Microsoft employees, and former Microsoft employees, are taking this opportunity to pile on Microsoft over at Mini-Microsoft, a sort-of message board for Microsoft's employee's gripes. Here's some of the most pertinent tid bits:

"All I can say as a former Windows Mobile employee who is now working for a competitor in the phone space is that this is good news for the rest of us...Personally I quit because of the frustrating management and autocratic decision style of Terry Myerson and Andrew Lees. The only exec in the team myself and other folks respcted was Tom Gibbons who is now sidelined. Lees and Myerson don't know consumer products or phones. Gibbons at least knows consumer product development. We often talk about how Andrew Lees still has a job but Microsoft's loss is a gain for the rest of us."

And from another person..."And now Kin is killed *after* it has shipped in June 2010. You can bet Andy was involved in the development of Kin, the partnership agreements with the OEM, Verizon and most importantly the "ship it" approvals all along the way. And Microsoft discovers its a bad idea after it blows up in the broad market. Absolutely no thanks to any pro-active decision making on Andy's part.
Now there is spin that Andy killed kin to put all the wood behind Windows Phone 7. Er, the guy was in charge for two years of Kin development. He could have made this decision far earlier. Similarly Windows Phone 7 has two years of development under his watch. Based on his past performance, 99% chance this is also going to be a total catastrophe. It further doesn't help that much of the Windows Phone 7 leadership team was kicked out of Windows when they screwed up Vista.

A former Danger employee calls Microsoft a "dysfunctional organization where decisions were made by politics rather than logic."

Another person commented, "I for one can't believe that no one has been axed over the Kin debacle. Billions of dollars were wasted, not to mention all of the smart people over there who spent 3 years with no return on the investment.

If Roz and/or Andy doesn't go, what does that say about our supposed value of 'accountability?' I for one am tired of accountability meaning 'we move them over here and give them a smaller project and hope they resign'"

Another comment, "I wonder why in the wake of the Kin debacle everyone is blaming Lees, Ho and Myerson while Matt Bencke is being let off the hook. He was the one who approved the flawed business model that depended on the operators charging MORE for a Pink plan than an unlimited plan. He was the one who approved the business projections based on this fictitious assumption. He is the one who used those projections to get the Danger deal through. He is the one who sold deal to Verizon and Vodafone that Microsoft would be unable to deliver. He was the one who pushed for important features to be cut so a team could be put to work on the "international expansion" that never arrived.

To top incompetence with lack of integrity, he is the kind of person who would ask someone on his team to pay for a $1000+ Ferragamo coat (after Bencke left his on a plane) with the corporate card and expense it.

Microsoft should have never rehired him after he left the first time. There is a reason that neither his former manager nor his former skip wanted him back."

# ? Oct 1, 2017 03:22

dont be mean to me: May 2, 2007; I'm interplanetary, bitch
Let's go to Mars

Granbar posted:

which one should I get thread

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpyx1vOF6qI

therapy

# ? Oct 1, 2017 04:58

flakeloaf: Feb 26, 2003; Still better than android clock

"hello fellow kids, here's a phone you can use to sext each other your teenage selfies"

people with masters degrees in marketing

# ? Oct 1, 2017 05:32

Scott Forstall: Aug 16, 2003; MMM THAT FAUX LEATHER

flakeloaf posted:

"hello fellow kids, here's a phone you can use to sext each other your teenage selfies"

people with masters degrees in marketing

also from MS Marketing Dept. Greatest Hits,

"let's send out our fat, sweaty sasquatch of a CEO to sell teens on squirting, how to squirt, and why squirting is both cool and good"

# ? Oct 1, 2017 06:24

infernal machines: Oct 11, 2012; we monitor many frequencies. we listen always. came a voice, out of the babel of tongues, speaking to us. it played us a mighty dub.

yeah, no, i'm sold

# ? Oct 1, 2017 07:40

kitten emergency: Jan 13, 2008; get meow this wack-ass crystal prison

we have a former ms vp and senior director on staff at my current job and they are every single horror story about ballmer-era managers brought to life

# ? Oct 1, 2017 18:25

qirex: Feb 15, 2001

iirc someone did some napkin math and each kin phone sold cost like $400,000 in development

# ? Oct 1, 2017 18:45

PIZZA.BAT: Nov 12, 2016

cinci zoo sniper posted:

if this and backlit fn keys are really your only complaints then i think ill consider it as an option for the next laptop, since neither is relevant to me

if you really think of firing on one then some advice: while their quality is really nice their quality control is absolutely horrendous. make sure you buy it from a physical Microsoft store or an online vendor with a very good return policy. it took me three tries until I finally got one that wasn't a lemon

# ? Oct 1, 2017 23:05

pram: Jun 10, 2001

lol

# ? Oct 1, 2017 23:30

cinci zoo sniper: Mar 15, 2013

Rex-Goliath posted:

if you really think of firing on one then some advice: while their quality is really nice their quality control is absolutely horrendous. make sure you buy it from a physical Microsoft store or an online vendor with a very good return policy. it took me three tries until I finally got one that wasn't a lemon

oh. oh

and here i thought rather got something right for once. a 2000 dollar lottery doesnt sound too endearing

# ? Oct 2, 2017 06:34

graph: Nov 22, 2006; aaag peanuts

LastInLine posted:

the best write up was unfortunately in the microsoft threads in this forum at the time

a favorite part of the kin saga is when roz went on vacation towards the end of the project and demanded everyone assemble at 3am local time so she could call them from kilimanjaro (and then do it again because it didnt work the first time)

# ? Oct 2, 2017 18:01

BangersInMyKnickers: Nov 3, 2004; I have a thing for courageous dongles

A Pinball Wizard posted:

extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence

lol dude the memory commit for the WU db hits two gigs just cataloging everything it needs to check against. the cumulative rollups have made it a little better but its still a low beast to patch

# ? Oct 2, 2017 18:22

Happy_Misanthrope: Aug 3, 2007; "I wanted to kill you, go to your funeral, and anyone who showed up to mourn you, I wanted to kill them too."

Wow what a great deal, MS is really going for it

<30 days later>

https://www.windowscentral.com/microsoft-surrenders-spotify-kills-groove

quote:

Microsoft is throwing in the towel against Spotify and ending its Groove Music Pass. The Groove app for Windows and Xbox will remain, but only for local and OneDrive-stored music.

Microsoft is announcing that its Groove Music Pass is coming to an end, with sales in the Store for music and its pass ending this week. The streaming portion of Groove Music will continue to function until December 31, after which the service will be turned off for good. Refunds will be issued in a pro-rated fashion from the December 31 date.

# ? Oct 2, 2017 20:46

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

wtf is groove?

# ? Oct 2, 2017 20:49

Athletic Footjob: Sep 24, 2005; Grimey Drawer

how microsoft lost its groove

# ? Oct 2, 2017 20:54

qirex: Feb 15, 2001

The Management posted:

wtf is groove?

it was basically lotus notes: the revenge that microsoft bought but then a few years later after they let that die [it became Microsoft SharePoint Workspace which became Microsoft OneDrive for Business] they rebranded the ~~zune music~~ xbox music service since I guess it's a valuable trademark plus the xbox brand has no equity outside of games

# ? Oct 2, 2017 20:59