TheKennedys posted:

He mentioned she had BPD, so yeah. She needs a loving, caring relationship with a good therapist (and even that likely won't do a whole lot of good), not with him.

Barudak posted:

If you havent imagined Don Knotts cussing someone out for stalking him you just dream too small.

Danaru posted:

My[26F] boyfriend[39M] of 7yrs said something really upsetting when I tried talking to him about different birth control methods due to health concerns. Not sure what to say to him.

quote:

The holidays are coming up soon and since we spent last Christmas with my girlfriend's family, we are spending this Christmas with my family. My parents live in a pretty boring farming town, so we decided that we would travel somewhere for Christmas. It would be my parents, my sister, my sister's boyfriend, me, and my girlfriend travelling together, and my dad would be paying for all of us (flights, hotel or cruise tickets, everything). We were deciding between two options, a Caribbean cruise or winter activities in Northern Canada - snowshoeing, hot springs, snowmobiling, aurora borealis. I love the snow and get quite seasick, so my vote was for Canada (plus white Christmas wooh!). My girlfriend voted for the Caribbean. In the end, we all voted and there were more votes for Canada 4-2.
So I told my girlfriend this and she responds with "I do NOT want to go to Canada. You should have voted for the one that I wanted to go to. What the gently caress are we going to do in Canada? It's cold, this resort doesn't look like it has been upgraded since the 80's, we're going to be stuck with your parents all week. At least if we were on a cruise ship, we could get away from them. Ugh." I was kind of put off by this... I've been wanting to see the Northern Lights since I was 12 and I was actually really excited to spend my holidays hanging out in a cabin by the fire, reading a book and chilling out with my parents and sister, whom I haven't seen in almost 2 years.

I almost want to tell my girlfriend "Nobody is forcing you to come, if you're just going to be miserable and complaining the whole time, then just stay here with your family!". But I know this will just result in her getting beyond angry at me. I understand that she is disappointed she doesn't get to go on a cruise and go to the beach... but I feel like she is telling me to ignore what I want and just agree with what she wants all the time. And her comment about having to spend time with my family really annoyed me. Her parents live about 20 minutes away from us so we see them every other Sunday for lunch and every single holiday (Easter, Columbus Day,Thanksgiving, siblings and parents birthdays). Does she not realize how much time I have spent with her parents these past 3 years compared to my own?

I don't know what to do here. I feel like my girlfriend is being really selfish, but am I the one who is being selfish? Should I have voted to go to the Caribbean, knowing beforehand that that is what my gf wanted? I actually didn't really say anything after my girlfriend's comment. I was just so annoyed at everything she said that I felt it better not to respond at the moment.

tl;dr: My girlfriend wanted to go on a cruise during Christmas and I want to go to Canada with my family. We are going to Canada and now my girlfriend is angry.

quote:

I have thought that she has been selfish a number of times in the past. But she tells me that I'm the one being selfish for not wanting to do what she wants. So sometimes, I don't really know what's going on :\

For example, she wanted to go to a Superbowl party that her friends were hosting. I find football incredibly boring, but she wanted me to go. so I went to the party and mostly hung out with some other people in the kitchen that also aren't into football. When we got home she got mad at me for not hanging out with her in front of the TV and just pretend I was enjoying myself (seriously though, it's like 50% commercials, 30% standing around drawing lines on the screen, and 20% actual play time. lol I don't get the Superbowl). There have been many other examples too... like 2 years ago when I went to my grandfather's funeral in another state without her. She got mad at me for staying up late and playing basketball with my cousins and sister. I'm not supposed to be having fun without her? I can't enjoy time with my family during a funeral? I don't even know

quote:

Well, at first she complained that I wanted to spend 1 week in Oregon (where my parents live) because she wanted to spend some time with her family too. The original plan was to go on the cruise. My girlfriend then said she does not like cruises because they are boring. My dad did some more research and thought Canada would be cool. I mentioned this to my girlfriend and now the cruise seems like a great idea and would be so much more fun. I guess if you're a warm weather, beach kind of person, a cruise does seem like more fun. But at no point in the planning was my girlfriend ever satisfied or excited about anything

Ride The Gravitron posted:

Benedict Cumberbatch

Doggles posted:

My [25F] boyfriend [27M] of a year has a cat and the way he treats it bothers me.


[Update] My [25F] boyfriend [27M] of a year has a cat and the way he treats it bothers me.

La Brea Carpet posted:

My girlfriend [30F] is mad at me because of our Christmas plans [29M]




Behold! A Modern Medical Miracle! The Man Who Lived with No Spine!

quote:

It's cold, this resort doesn't look like it has been upgraded since the 80's,

cumshitter posted:

That sounds like a great selling point to me. Put headphones on and play a-ha's Take On Me nonstop for the entire vacation.

quote:

I think she actually would enjoy it. Our summer vacation this year was to a cottage by the lake with no cable or wifi. So we just sat around, read some books, played board games, and it was awesome! I feel like this Canadian Christmas is exactly the same except it's 0 degrees out and snowy. I think you have a really good answer and it would be the best thing to do if my girlfriend was sane. But she is absolutely set on spending Christmas with me. She goes crazy if she is apart from me

quote:

"If she can't come back to you with a genuine apology and self-reflection about her unreasonable selfishness " This comment actually made me laugh out loud. I don't think she would even know how to do this. This is definitely not her only instance of being (in my opinion) selfish and unreasonable. I just can't imagine ending it... we already live together in an awesome apartment and her parents love me. Ugh.

quote:

Well, I'm not ignoring them. I just want breaking up with her to be my last resort. So if anyone has any comments or suggestions other than breaking up, something that will help me understand her side of it maybe, then I listen to those first.

La Brea Carpet posted:

My girlfriend [30F] is mad at me because of our Christmas plans [29M]




Behold! A Modern Medical Miracle! The Man Who Lived with No Spine!

p rude posted:

The op mentions his gf's family loves him. I'm curious what his family's take on her is

quote:

My parents and sister think she's great (we Skype about once a month). My gf always jokes that my mum likes her more than me and it might be true haha. She's only met some of my extended family once and they were very welcoming and even got her Christmas presents. But she did not like my cousins because they are too loud (laugh too much, sing too much, we're always chatting and joking around). I'm not really sure why my girlfriend didn't want my cousin to stay the night. She just said "I dont' like guests in my home", which I thought was fine. My cousins and I are very close. I consider a lot of them to be like my brothers and sisters. My gf is not close AT ALL to her extended family and has told me more than once that she thinks it's weird that I keep in touch with my cousins.

La Brea Carpet posted:

quote:

But she did not like my cousins because they are too loud (laugh too much, sing too much, we're always chatting and joking around).

quote:

California

Using a throwaway because I do not want this associated with my regular account here on reddit.

Gonna try and keep this as concise as possible.

HIGHLY restrictive HOA community. This is made plainly clear upon the pending purchase of the house. We require that the prospective buyer have a quick call with one of the five HOA board members to confirm that they know just how strict our HOA is, what the $450/month HOA fee actually goes to, etc. this has been our SOP for almost 20 years.

I know this sub has a lot of hate for HOA's, but we are fair, totally transparent with all operations, and rarely have issues. Our high HOA fee covers a lot of what most HOA's have problems with such as front yard maintenance, painting of all houses, minor exterior repairs, and roofing (other things like pool maintenance, security, common area upkeep, a basic cable package and high speed internet are also included in the HOA fee).

The net result of this HOA's work = This is a highly desirable neighborhood to live in - Homes sell in mere days once they hit the market, and as stated above, there is not typically much in the way of issues/violations in the neighborhood.

People know well in advance what they are buying into. I hope that is clear at this point.

Over the years we have continually had problems with a retired, somewhat well off older gentlemen (I think he's in his late 60's now). Mostly minor stuff like leaving his trash can out/putting it out too early, trash/junk in his backyard, parking overnight on the street, etc.

His wife died at the beginning of the year and the issues we have had with him have increased exponentially over the course of this year to the point now where we have threatened to put a lien on his house if does not correct the myriad of violations.

A little more backstory: He stopped paying his HOA dues back in May, he cited financial hardship. We know it is BS because over summer he purchased a $60K+ Suburban.

Since we are a gated community, we require all vehicles parked in the community to have valid and up to date registration. He put a fake license plate on the new SUV - It has no state, it says "Society of the Sojourner" and he has FBI anti copyright warnings on the dash of his car. So he's in violation there.

You are allowed to have veggie gardens in your backyard, no HOA approval required. He put a comically large veggie garden on his side yard, we wrote him a letter that he needs to get rid of it, or install a fence around the side yard that also encompases his backyard (needs approval for the fence, no biggie).

Well he has now gone off the deepend, apparently we are now "threatening his property and livelihood" because we are not going to allow his huge garden without it being fenced in.

In the past few weeks he has now filed liens against all community property as well as liens against all members of the HOA Board.

We (the Board) is supposed to meet with the community lawyer today, but we are concerned about how much this whole thing is going to cost. Secondarily, one of the Board members is set to put his home on the market in the next couple of weeks and now has to deal with a fake lien.

What questions do you think we ought to ask the lawyer? Should we let our mortgage companies or homeowners insurance companies know about this situation?

fruit on the bottom posted:

Battle of the Bastards: SovCit vs HOA

[California] - I wish I never joined the HOA Board. Sov Cit in our community has been a problem for a few years, now filing erroneous leans on HOA Board Members homes and community property.

Clark Nova posted:

The girlfriend sounds like a chore but I wouldn't want a Christmas vacation to a yet more frozen hellscape, and I doubt his relatives are all as wonderful to be around as he thinks

quote:

The second vote was my mum. My gf and I live in Michigan, so we are definitely not strangers to the cold. It's true, my girlfriend prefers warm climate to cold. But my least favourite season is summer. The heat and sweating gives me a headache and rashes. So we definitely both had our reasons for voting how we did. Like I said, I'm not forcing her to go. But should I just give up the entire vacation with my family so that my gf and I can just stay here with her family (where it will still be cold!)

quote:

I'm okay with the seasickness. I have an inner ear problem that I get dizzy just walking around a corner too quickly haha, so motion sickness is something I deal with every day. It wouldn't be the BEST for me to be on a boat for 5 nights, but I can deal with it if I had to and wouldn't complain. But yeah, your 3rd point... she seems to think that any type of vacation we take should be about us as a couple. I dont' think she understands that I actually enjoy spending time with my family and that this vacation is also about them. Especially since my dad is freakin paying for all of it because they want us to be there!

Demon Of The Fall posted:

I would be pissed too if this idiot took me to freaking Canada and some smelly cabin instead of a sunny Caribbean cruise. Girl needs to sever before she gets frostbite.

fruit on the bottom posted:

Battle of the Bastards: SovCit vs HOA

[California] - I wish I never joined the HOA Board. Sov Cit in our community has been a problem for a few years, now filing erroneous leans on HOA Board Members homes and community property.

quote:

This is a really complicated situation.

My wife and my sister were friends before I had even met my wife. I didn't even know they were friends. My wife and I met through a mutual friend.

My wife introduced my sister to her now ex-husband before my wife and I had met. My wife and my ex-brother in law are close enough they are marked as "brother" and "sister" on Facebook and her parents have him as "son." His family was abusive and they had known each other since they were children; he spends holidays with her parents because his own parents are insane and he lived with them from the time he was 15.

After 10 years of marriage, my sister cheated and it became very public and very nasty because the man she was cheating with made the whole post public and tagged her entire family, including my wife, on the pictures of the convos. They were degrading to my ex-brother in law, my sister said very awful emasculating things about him and how the only reason she was still married was because he let her be a stay at home wife.

My wife, to her credit, held her tongue but her body language would change drastically around my sister. She also removed my sister from social media, stopped responding to her text messages, and has completely shut her out.

My sister has decided to make herself the victim for the past six months and she pushed it too far last week at Sunday dinner with my parents, my brother, and ourselves. She started talking about how bad her anxiety was since her husband "left" her. My wife is incredibly sharp tongued, and she said, "Well, he wouldn't have left had you not been a giant loving wh*re."

Holy poo poo, did my life completely explode in that moment. My sister started screaming, my parents were staring at my very much typically beloved wife like she had just sprouted a second head. I rushed us out of there while my sister was screaming and my parents consoled her.

My mother and father have privately told us both that while they didn't appreciate the outburst at their house, they just weren't expecting it (but they had actually expected it much, much sooner.) They are hoping that my wife will apologize just to keep the family peace. She has apologized to them that it was not the time nor the place, but she won't apologize for what she said TO my sister.

My sister is demanding an apology, telling me that my wife doesn't know "how much she suffered." My wife doesn't care; my wife told me that she will never spend another holiday with my sister (she used very colorful terms for my sister) and that she will NOT apologize under any circumstances.

The only one who doesn't want her to apologize is my brother, who now thinks I have the coolest wife ever.

I just want my family back.

tl;dr: After 10 years of marriage, my sister cheated on my ex-brother in law, who happens to be one of my wife's closest friends. Everyone wants her to apologize; she won't. What do I do?

Doggles posted:

Me [37M] with my wife [30F] of 7 years, she called my sister [35F] a name and refuses to apologize, but I don't blame her. How do I diffuse this?


What do you do? You high-five your Pete of a wife for that

quote:

Dear Sis,

I am sorry that my wife called you a giant loving wh*re. I have explained to her that all references to your weight are triggering to you. In the future she will be more careful with her adjectives.

Love,

OP

fruit on the bottom posted:

I like the apology letter one redditor suggested.

fruit on the bottom posted:

I like the apology letter one redditor suggested.

Doggles posted:

Me [37M] with my wife [30F] of 7 years, she called my sister [35F] a name and refuses to apologize, but I don't blame her. How do I diffuse this?


What do you do? You high-five your Pete of a wife for that

Haifisch posted:

My girlfriend [25F] of 2 years gets mad at me [27M] if I try to "stock up" on anything and will throw it out. How do we work through this

The American Dream posted:

I had an ex make fun of me once and call me a hoarder because I found six 8 packs of Gillette razor blades on clearance for $9 each. Almost 3 years of blades took up the same amount of space as a roll of toilet paper.

She was more of the I'll pay $12 for 3 of them every month kind of person. For some reason she would always bring it up like I was a weirdo and no one gave a poo poo unless they congratulated me on being so lucky. I think she wanted to find one person that agreed with her.

The American Dream posted:

I had an ex make fun of me once and call me a hoarder because I found six 8 packs of Gillette razor blades on clearance for $9 each. Almost 3 years of blades took up the same amount of space as a roll of toilet paper.

She was more of the I'll pay $12 for 3 of them every month kind of person. For some reason she would always bring it up like I was a weirdo and no one gave a poo poo unless they congratulated me on being so lucky. I think she wanted to find one person that agreed with her.

La Brea Carpet posted:

Let's play guess the show!

fruit on the bottom posted:

Battle of the Bastards: SovCit vs HOA

[California] - I wish I never joined the HOA Board. Sov Cit in our community has been a problem for a few years, now filing erroneous leans on HOA Board Members homes and community property.

quote:

California

Update

We had a chat with the lawyer of the community (hired by our property management company) yesterday evening.

He is filing some emergency stuff today and requesting to be in front of a judge within the next week (mostly a scheduling issue on his side). He will be doing his best to get the liens off the community property and our homes ASAP. Another member of his practice will be joining him in this as they suggested to us that we "just bring the loving hammer down on this guy and move quickly"

As for the liens on our homes, he told us not to worry about it, they will be taken care of soon.

So the Sov Cit guy, between late fees, actual amounts owed, daily fines, and current lawyer fees, owes us ~$11,500. If we end up having to go to court against this guy, we/him are looking at a rough total bull of ~$25,000+ due to the lawyer fees...which of course Sov Cit will need to pay.

As documented in our HOA CC&R's, we have a threshold of $5,000, 60 days past due, were we will put a lien on a property. Our lawyer suggested that we send a demand letter to the guy telling him that he has 30 days to pay off the debt, and if he fails to do so, we will take harsh and extreme measures that may include forcing the sale of his house to satisfy the debt owed to the HOA.

I will address a some other items brought up in the thread:

The garden on the side yard is roughly 25 feet wide and about 40 feet long. This would fit just fine in his backyard, but the side yard is south facing, so it gets better sunlight. He has a garden about this size in the backyard already.

We did get engage with a neighbor of his several weeks back and asked them to check up on Sov Cit. Try and talk some sense into him, ask him what it would take to get him square with the HOA...it went nowhere. Waste of everyone's time. Basically ended with a "gently caress you, I do what I want on my property!)

So that's it for now. I can provide an update in the coming weeks/month(s)

Danaru posted:

An update!

[UPDATE] [California] - Sov Cit vs. HOA


Never thought I'd be rooting for an HOA, but I can't resist the siren song of sovcits getting dunked on