LethalGeek posted:

I think a lot of people don't understand how normal it is for a lot of in-loving in a social circle or that people can gently caress and then act normal after cause they can keep sex adjacent to their relationships but not make it the defining factor. Blame religion, disney, or plain stupidity. Some people have sex and suddenly the terms of things have to change because it was sex and it has to, duh.

So when a couple breaks up & stops the sex then everything else must have to go with it since that line has been crossed. or if you hook up with someone well we crossed That Line so now this is a Real Relationship with Rules. Even if it's not a romantic relationship (gently caress buddies). This is partly why poly people infuriate me as they can get over the first part but then double down on the second with their 100 page guide of bullshit terms and rules. Mono folks well mono folks is why we have a thread, don't feel like I gotta explain that one.

This might be a more American thing so someone who isn't in a repressed idiot country can confirm it's just our dumbasses. Also I wouldn't assume that's the how I don't get divorce poster is filtering all this through but I'd put my money on it. I know I'm seeing all this through my bias too.

boner confessor posted:

i dont like star wars or football but lol that asserting your partner's media preferences are childish and they should appreciate your media preferences like a grown up

dude needs to one up her by forcing her to watch obscure french films, then dump her

Propaganda Hour posted:

My girlfriend [22/F] is threatening to break up with me [22/M] over Star Wars.

Barudak posted:

Im not on speaking terms with any of my exes but dead men tell no tales.

Marketing New Brain posted:

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, and I thought as a child. When I became a man, I put away the prequel movies and the Extended Universe.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

I hope I can find a partner who wants to do invigorating stimulating things so we can self-actualize together rather than the mental black hole that is the television.

therobit posted:

Lol and WTF is with the restriction that the dog be black. I get there could be some reason for a male dog (though I am not sure what that would be) under 30 pounds I get, but why specify the color?

Most concerning is the threatening to really hurt her though. Like WTF most abusers are at lease subtle enough not to actually state that they will hurt someone.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

I can't help but feel that your list of breeds under 30 lbs that come in black is woefully incomplete.

quote:

I am married, started a new job earlier this year and met a fantastic woman who I became good friends with. My son was born and since then my heart has felt "different". After months of research, I have realised that I am polyamorous, as I love my wife and fell for this female colleague (nothing every happened). As I needed to know if the feelings could be returned, and I would need to keep my distance, I asked her, to which she said she wouldn't ever see anyone in a romantic way whilst she is in a (long distance/term) relationship and whilst I am married.

Eventually I got an email from her, saying the following: posted:

*First of all, I would like to apologise for the cold shoulder that you’ve received from me in the past two weeks. In all honesty, no, I am not okay. And no, we are not okay. Honestly, when you asked me that question before I went on holiday, you offended me.

...

I cannot believe you could ask me whether, in different circumstances, there would had been a possibility for us. And you took me so much by surprise, that I did not know back then how to answer it without offending you. After all the conversations we had about my principles, you asked me something like this… I cannot believe you thought that I, while I was in a long relationship and you, having a wife, not to mention you’ve just had your baby, I would ever consider anything..

And I’ve built an anger, including for myself, for not being clear enough back then. The right answer should have been “No. There would never had been any chance for anything between us. In any circumstances.” I thought about you as a friend, as well as a colleague. And in return, you’ve showed me that friendship was not what you considered to had been created between us.

In order for me to move on and leave it behind, I would really appreciate if you would give me space. A lot of space, if possible. I don’t need anymore hugs, I don’t even want the small talk about how my day has been or whether I have any plans for the weekend.

I want you to know that this is the only time when I talk about it. I will not talk again and I certainly don’t want a conversation about it.

...

I hope that, in a while, we could go back to being good colleagues, but definitely not as far as it was before. In order for that to happen and for me to ever feel okay around you in the future, I need you to leave me alone. I will be more than happy to help with any work related tasks, but that’s as far as it can go. Once again, I am very very sorry for this uncomfortable situation!

his reply posted:

The email didn’t find me well. Not at all. I have been devastated all weekend because of this. To have caused you such hurt, and for little you think of me.

I know you don’t want to have a conversation, but I am sending you this email so you can understand my perspective, then I’ll not mention it again. I did consider not sending you an email, but there are some things that I need to make clear for us both to move on and draw a line under this.

I did get a crush on you, as I sometimes do with my female friends. Previously, I have been single when this occurred, and the quickest way past it was to ask them out, get rejected and move on. Obviously as I am married and you have a partner, I couldn’t do this, but I needed to also know if there was a risk of returned feelings from you (so I would need to keep distance), as I felt our friendship had been getting stronger. I rarely know when a woman is interested in me, and misread the signs sometimes, so thought the solution was to ask honestly. Perhaps I should have phrased it differently (“Is there a risk of you being attracted to me?” could work, but hindsight is pointless), but I never meant any offense. I only want to be honest with all my friends.

I will never want anything more from you than a friendship, despite these feelings (which are now gone I might add). It simply won’t happen. I am sorry if any of my words/actions made you think I was wanting more, but just as you have your principles, so do I. I have never cheated in a relationship and I don’t intend to start now. I am rather offended you thought I would be like this, but I can understand why you thought this after the conversation. I was so pleased to have found a friend who I can have long, deep talks with. I used to have this with some of my friends in college, but life gets in the way with jobs and kids etc, so I am missing that part. I thought our friendship had developed to this and was so pleased to have this with a colleague too.

On Friday I did tell [my wife] of this email and of the situation and how I did felt. I wasn’t sure how she would take it, but she was relieved as she knew something was up. She did wonder why I invited you over if I had these feelings for you, and I honestly told her it was because I liked you as a friend and wanted to move past this attraction. Now, I will of course abide by your wishes, as I certainly don’t want to cause you any more hurt (I never want to hurt anyone or make anyone uncomfortable). However I would like to ask the following of you:

-Please try to move past this anger. You are normally such a happy smiley person. You shouldn’t lose this because of a misspoken conversation. Certainly not because of me.

-Please find it within you to understand why I asked, and understand that I did not want to upset/offend you. My intentions came from a place of honesty and friendship, rather than sleaze (despite how they may have appeared).

-When it is just the two of us in the office, I am still happy to answer the phone as we previously agreed.

As for the offer of a lift on the 28th, I am still happy to do this, even if you sit in the back with headphones in. Whatever makes you comfortable.

I think it may be better for both of us to go back to the start and just be colleagues. I hope in time, we can be good friends again, but I appreciate that may be a while (if at all possible). I will wait for you to come to me though in asking about weekend plans etc, I won’t push as I want to earn your trust and respect back.

I am truly sorry for causing you this hurt, that is the last thing I ever want to do to a friend. I hope you can forgive me.

Kind regards A misguided fool

then the true descent into madness begins posted:

That was on the Monday. On the Wednesday, I got an email from my boss wanting to discuss my probation, to which I asked if we could get it over with. They didn't offer me the job due to some silly errors I kept making. It was one hell of a week for me emotionally.

Now, I have luckily been able to find another job, so that stress is over, but I still feel unresolved with my colleague/friend. On the Tuesday, she unfriended me. This Tuesday (today) she has blocked me. She still has one of my books (one that is important to me) and a usb stick.

quote:

My wife has been very supportive and understanding, but I know it must hurt her for me to have these feelings for another woman (she is monogamous),

...

I knew there was no way either woman would want a poly relationship together, but I thought being open would lead to a better friendship.

quote:

All because of some stupid part of me that falls in love to easily and want to be honest for once, rather than burying the pain. I even started self-harming on those weeks when she was in a bad mood, as I was worried about her (perhaps my subconscious knew...).

quote:

I just want to cry out all these feelings of pain and let her go, but there are reminders of her everywhere. She loved squirrels, so everytime I see one in the park, I am reminded of how she fed them. Everytime I see a woman with darker skin and black hair, I think it is her. As we listened to the radio at work, many of the popular songs at the moment remind me of those times.

quote:

As she has blocked me (and said she wants space) is there ever a chance of me getting my book back? Or even a friendship? Or is this the end? If the later, how can I get over this a quickly as possible? I need to sleep without dreaming of her being angry at me. Thank you

Werong Bustope posted:

Ok this one's long as hell so I'm going to link it but here are the highlights.

Me [30s M] with my friend [30s F] duration, aren't friends anymore due to a miscommunication and I need help fixing this.

tl;dr: Lost a friend do to a misunderstanding and need help moving on/ becoming friends again!

Werong Bustope posted:

Ok this one's long as hell so I'm going to link it but here are the highlights.

Me [30s M] with my friend [30s F] duration, aren't friends anymore due to a miscommunication and I need help fixing this.

tl;dr: Lost a friend do to a misunderstanding and need help moving on/ becoming friends again!

Werong Bustope posted:

Ok this one's long as hell so I'm going to link it but here are the highlights.

Me [30s M] with my friend [30s F] duration, aren't friends anymore due to a miscommunication and I need help fixing this.

tl;dr: Lost a friend do to a misunderstanding and need help moving on/ becoming friends again!

AnonJohn112 posted:

I understand how she took it, and hate myself for causing that pain to her.

You are bullying by saying I need to get help. That is a really harsh thing to say to someone you barely know, who is simply asking how to get past these feelings

Bubblyblubber posted:

I'm in bed with a killer migraine, and reading Pete's story made me feel a bit better.

And then I read this loving thing and my migraine has opened its relationship and had several bastard migraine children in my head.

Thanks, thread.

quote:

So, I met my boyfriend about 5.5 years ago, in Spring 2012, at a party. The moment we met it was an instant connection, and we’ve been practically inseparable ever since.

Through all the ups and downs of life that you experience navigating your early and mid 20s, we had each other’s back. Friends told us we were “couple goals” and I genuinely enjoyed every moment we spent together, we rarely fought, even in stressful situations (despite protection, I got pregnant ~1yr into our relationship - an abortion ensued, which was obviously emotional, but we got through it).

We moved in together in Spring 2015, around the three-year mark. We adopted a cat. Went on vacations. Started good jobs in complimentary fields.

In Spring 2016, I got into an accident and asked my boyfriend if I could borrow some money to help pay off the ensuing bills. He readily gave me the money, and I paid him back within four months. I assumed the money came from his savings.

As it turns out, my handsome, hilarious, intelligent boyfriend was not as good at saving money as I had been led to believe. He didn’t take the money out of his savings, he took it from his work.

When he found out how easy it was, he kept taking more and more money.

Today, he got caught, fired, and they’re considering taking legal action against him - I imagine that they will, he took a felony-quantity amount of money.

I had no idea that this was going on. I genuinely believed that he had savings. He frequently talked about how much he had saved - we were getting close to a house downpayment (or so I thought).

Reddit, I’m beyond shook. I feel shattered, broken. I feel lied to, and just sick that he did this, that he was capable of doing this. I’m disgusted and heartbroken and so so so sad. I feel humiliated. I have no idea how to tell people what happened. I’m obviously going to break up with him, but I just feel so sick and sad. I don’t know what to do, beyond the obvious - break-up, move out (and probably back in with my parents), but thinking about all the things that I need to do gets me so overwhelmed.

Yesterday, I thought I had a perfect life. We both had the day off and had a great day at IKEA. Now it turns out that everything in our relationship over the last year was built on lies. I need to leave our beautiful apartment, leave this relationship, leave the life I thought I had.

I think I’m in shock. This all just happened over the last three hours. I don’t know what to do. I’m just devastated.

Does anyone have any advice? Wisdom? Words of comfort? I feel like I’m drowning.

** tl;dr - turns out my “perfect” boyfriend was not so perfect. His “savings” account was actually just stealing money from his work. I had no idea this was going on, and he just got caught. I have no idea what to do, and I’m very overwhelmed.**

quote:

So my roommate is a baroque elitist, he claims that Bach and Händel are the greatest composers to have ever lived, and calls everything that came later (classical, romantic, etc.) trash.

A composer he especially hates is Mozart who happens to be my favorite, so whenever I'm playing one of his sonatas on my piano he will later complain to me how I played Mozart again and why I can't play real music like Bach's Goldberg Variations, or if they are too difficult for me (they are not, I'm just not particularly fond of polyphonic music).

I've tried to explain Mozart's music to him countless times, how he was an extraordinary composer who understood how no other how to craft perfect melody lines and also the beauty of the classical Alberti bass. But he won't listen, calls Alberti bass boring and uninspired and usually makes some joke how Mozart died too late rather than too early (and I know perfectly well that he stole that line from his idol Glenn Gould).

Sometimes he even does passive aggressive stuff like hiding my Mozart sonatas sheet music and replacing it with sheet music for the Well-Tempered Clavier. I've tried adressing it before but he usually tries to shut me down quickly and says something like that I'd thank him later in life once I've realized how mistaken I was about Mozart and classical music in general.

So what can I do about this? His hostile attitude towards my favorite composer slowly starts to negatively influence our relationship as roommates.

tl;dr: Roommate constantly talks poo poo about my favorite composer Mozart. What can I do to make him shut up about it?

Werong Bustope posted:

Ok this one's long as hell so I'm going to link it but here are the highlights.

Me [30s M] with my friend [30s F] duration, aren't friends anymore due to a miscommunication and I need help fixing this.

tl;dr: Lost a friend do to a misunderstanding and need help moving on/ becoming friends again!

fruit on the bottom posted:

That one got posted yesterday but it's just so amazing. Someone pointed out that the historical facts don't match up so it likely is a troll, but my heart wants what it wants

Ham Sandwiches posted:

I tried going back a day I didn't see it, sorry for the repeat

I too find it plausible given how smug people can be about liking the right thing!

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

quote:

I'm sure that this is the definition of "first world problems", especially on this sub, but I am trying to figure out the best way to handle cancelling my Netflix account and depriving up to 10 members of my immediate and extended family of Netflix access.

I very recently graduated from university, and I've been working temporary jobs, the last of which unceremoniously ended when I took an overseas trip. Now I need to tighten up my budget and spend a lot less, so looking at my recurring expenses, Netflix definitely has to go. I personally hardly even watch it, but most of the reason why I have let this go on this long is because I know that my parents, college-age brother, multiple cousins and their families know my password and very regularly use my account.

It's frustrating because them leeching off of my profile has caused my suggestions to get all skewed, even when I created a separate profile supposedly only for my use. I also hate being taken advantage of, but I know my family will guilt me heavily once they find my account is cancelled.

How should I break it to them - group text? Deactivate with no explanation? Is it possible to prevent family awkwardness, or should I just bite the bullet and save my wallet?

tl;dr: I can't afford Netflix anymore, so I want to cancel my account. Most of my family leeches off my account. How do I save face while saving money?

Avenging_Mikon posted:

This is a little bit back, but they'd agreed to the dog in exchange for him getting the BB gun. After he got the gun he said no dog.

Haifisch posted:

How should I [23F] handle telling my family leeches [20-55] that I'm cancelling Netflix?

"Hey guys, I'm cutting netflix" was apparently way harder to type than all that.

Ham Sandwiches posted:

I (25F) thought I was living a perfect life with my boyfriend (27M) of 5+ years. Turns out he committed a felony 1.5yrs ago, and just got caught.


The part that caught my eye about this story is that the way it's explained the genius in the story didn't start stealing until she needed to borrow money, an amazing twist to the whole thing imo.

Like it actually hadn't occurred to him he could steal, he tried it, and he's like "oh hey this is loving great!"

quote:

tl;dr: Boyfriend is waking me up with his alarms every morning.

I have been with my bf for over a year, but we have only been living together for 6 months. Recently he started a new job. He has to be there every day @ 8 am. I am a grad student and work at my university and I have to be @ school at 9, and some days not until 10 -12. So I don't have to wake up until 7:30 or even 8 some mornings.

My bf likes to set his alarm @ 5:50 every morning to get up and sit around, play video games and wake up before he gets ready for work. The problem is is that he sets an alarm on his phone for every 5 -10 minutes and sets his physical alarm clock AND HITS SNOOZE. He doesn't normally get up until 6:20- 6:30. That creates 30 - 40 minutes of alarm clocks that go off every 5 minutes. After this I can't even fall back asleep.

He says he doesn't hear them, and hit snooze while being half asleep. When I try and wake him up or tell him that his alarm is going off, he gets pissed and acts like I'm being an rear end and even cusses me out sometimes. it's getting to the point where we argue about it everyday.

I don't have to get up until 7:30 or even 8 some mornings and listening to an alarm clock every day @5:50 for a half hour is really getting old.

He says it wouldn't be a problem if I would just get up the same time that he does, but I don't see a reason to? I don't want to get up an hour and a half earlier to play video games like he does. The mornings that I do get up so early because I can't fall back asleep, I feel very tired and exhausted by the middle of the day. My eyes are burning right now as I type this. He says it's all in my head, that I'm convincing myself that I need more sleep.

Am I being unreasonable and a nag by wanting him to get out of bed at least within ten minutes of his alarm going off?

Mirthless posted:

nah i get that but it could be possible he didn't know if the dog was actually going to be OK in their home before getting the gun

I'm just saying maybe there's a reason for the sudden about face? it's certainly no loving excuse to treat her that way though