/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Here's the last one, please consider this my latest entry in the "please don't appoint people as work spouses, why do you need a work spouse" category

My [26F] boyfriend [26M] of three months told me he held hands with his "work wife" [??F] on a work trip. I'm concerned and I keep thinking about it.

quote:

My boyfriend of three months made it clear to me that he had a "work wife" early on in our relationship. He told me it was nothing to worry about and the girl was in a long term relationship with the same guy for years anyway. I never heard the term before and didn't think much of it.

He's a reliable, hardworking, and kind guy otherwise. No other red flags as far as I can gauge them. But now I'm starting to get concerned. He went on a company trip this week and was up front in telling me that he held hands with this girl on the way home from the trip. He told me he wanted to be honest with me and told me that he's mine and I'm the one he "comes home to." I brushed it off at first as I'm usually not jealous and I was in an open relationship in the past.

But we are not a super established couple just yet and three months seems a bit early on to be grappling with these issues. He told me he had a discussion with this girl after the fact and set a boundary that they are to remain platonic. He insists that this girl would never fall for him anyway, which I'm skeptical of. He hasn't dated in two years so perhaps he is a bit out of practice when it comes to the taken life.

I'm just worried this will become an ongoing concern. What if this coworker does start making big moves? She let him hold her hand so obviously she's open enough to him beyond a work relationship and he talked about going to see movies with her during the work week.

Tl;dr: new boyfriend tells me he has a "work wife," then reveals he held her hand on the way home from a company trip. Says she's already in a relationship and not interested plus he told her they are to be just friends, but I'm concerned some drama might pop up in the future.

I hope this lady runs from this dude because yeah, 3 months in is a little early for this crap! In fact there may not be a good time for it at all!!

I feel the phrase "the one he comes home to" is the biggest red flag there it's just so... loving weird. Like when people use the whole menu analogy unironically.

# ? Oct 10, 2017 23:31

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# ? May 28, 2024 19:05

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Werong Bustope posted:

Ok this one's long as hell so I'm going to link it but here are the highlights.

Me [30s M] with my friend [30s F] duration, aren't friends anymore due to a miscommunication and I need help fixing this.

tl;dr: Lost a friend do to a misunderstanding and need help moving on/ becoming friends again!

holy poo poo this guy is the living embodiment of the nice guy stereotype, how the gently caress did anyone ever see fit to marry him?

he honestly thought if he did enough grinding he'd earn enough kindness coins to get a female friend to open up her own relationship to be with him, a man married with a child

gotta love the "SHE'S GOT A BOOK AND A USB STICK" excuse to justify his continued harassment of her

Mirthless fucked around with this message at 23:39 on Oct 10, 2017

# ? Oct 10, 2017 23:34

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

They held hands on a work trip and had work sex and now he's emailing me from his work account to let me know that they're starting a work family.

# ? Oct 10, 2017 23:35

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

I don't know whether this is worth posting but when searching reddit for work wife posts this comment came up:

quote:

My coworker's wife calls me his work wife - yes I'm a guy.

We share an office together, so we literally live, breath, eat, and work together almost every day, 8-10 hours a day. I know what time he usually gets up to take a poo poo. Because or that, if he hasn't poo poo by a certain time, I'll ask "you ok man? i haven't seen you take a poo poo yet?" Or i notice if he's upset about something and ask what's wrong.

This along with other things that happen when you spend more time with a coworker than you do with your actual wife, is why his wife calls me his "work wife". From that aspect I get it.

Now what most people call their "work wife", seems like it might on the borderline as far as infidelity goes. Most of the time I hear it used, it's used in the context of two opposite sex people who work together and kind of act like their dating (light flirtation, always hanging out with each other, ect...) but they're currently married to other people, so they have a home wife and work wife. This is irritates the poo poo out of me to no end, because I doubt their home wives would appreciate some of the things I've seen / heard.

"Uh bro? Are you ok? Just sandbagging on your morning poo poo here or did you have a really big burrito last night" :psyboom:

Please update making GBS threads.xls with your making GBS threads times or have your work wife do it for you

And apparently you can have work moms as well? loving hell.

# ? Oct 10, 2017 23:36

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

fruit on the bottom posted:

They held hands on a work trip and had work sex and now he's emailing me from his work account to let me know that they're starting a work family.

It turns out Clerks 2 was a documentary

# ? Oct 10, 2017 23:36

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Ham Sandwiches posted:

I don't know whether this is worth posting but when searching reddit for work wife posts this comment came up:

"Uh bro? Are you ok? Just sandbagging on your morning poo poo here or did you have a really big burrito last night"

And apparently you can have work moms as well? loving hell.

Lmao

# ? Oct 10, 2017 23:37

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Ham Sandwiches posted:

I'm a [23F] living with my {28M] boyfriend and he is killing my sleep.

Despite the OP loving up the very important reddit rules and putting the tl;dr up front spoiling the story like game of thrones!!!, I was wondering whether this would turn out to be a "sink on razor" style post or a "the dude is an idiot" post and I think you can guess which one I'm leaning towards

Dude needs the hell clock i was gifted in college, designed, I assume, by argentian nazi clones. It had a non negotiable 3 senses wake up system consisting of a piercing alarm sound that when you hit snooze went to sleep for a random interval of minutes from 1-7, a light that slowly turned up the light intensity from on to somehow even more on, and wafted out your choice of smells like �moldering rear end� and �currently active house fire�. To turn off this mechanical hell beast you had to push snooze and flip a switch on it simultaneously as, guess what, it had battery backup cells so unplugging it did nothing.

It weighed a good 15 pounds and I remember it didnt even break a little when it got flung from my dorm window by a roomate who couldnt figure out how to turn it off as it grew ever louder and brighter, coating him in its odorous funk.

# ? Oct 10, 2017 23:38

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Ham Sandwiches posted:

Here's the last one, please consider this my latest entry in the "please don't appoint people as work spouses, why do you need a work spouse" category

My [26F] boyfriend [26M] of three months told me he held hands with his "work wife" [??F] on a work trip. I'm concerned and I keep thinking about it.

I hope this lady runs from this dude because yeah, 3 months in is a little early for this crap! In fact there may not be a good time for it at all!!

I feel the phrase "the one he comes home to" is the biggest red flag there it's just so... loving weird. Like when people use the whole menu analogy unironically.

it's a bullshit kitschy idea from middle american office ladies who ascribe to the viewpoint that women and men can't work closely together without having some kind of a relationship

some stupid media outlet ran with it and then all of a sudden office people thought this was something they actually needed to do because "oh that's cute!" without considering the consequences or fallout of this ridiculous bullshit

millennials can't seem to handle it at all because literally every time i hear about millennials with work spouses they're either actively loving their work spouse or their actual partner is so convinced it's going on that it drives a stake right through the black heart of their marriage

# ? Oct 10, 2017 23:39

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

They also make alarm clock mats that you have to get out of bed and step on to turn off that accomplish a similar task but also don't utilize techniques refined during the Cold War.

# ? Oct 10, 2017 23:40

Propaganda Hour: Aug 25, 2008; after editing wikipedia as a joke for 16 years, i ve convinced myself that homer simpson's japanese name translates to the "The beer goblin"

They also make alarm clocks that will, much like a vengeful roomba, hide somewhere in your house before alarming.

# ? Oct 10, 2017 23:42

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Propaganda Hour posted:

They also make alarm clocks that will, much like a vengeful roomba, hide somewhere in your house before alarming.

haha i was about to mention these

they're programmed to go under dressers and beds so you have to actually get down on the floor to get them

# ? Oct 10, 2017 23:43

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Propaganda Hour posted:

They also make alarm clocks that will, much like a vengeful roomba, hide somewhere in your house before alarming.

This is amazing I just searched on Amazon and seems like some real poo poo running around the room swearing chasing an alarm that is literally fleeing from you first thing in the morning

I guess it lets you start the day with no illusions

# ? Oct 10, 2017 23:45

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

I think I would benefit from having one of those.

Though i would hate it immensely.

# ? Oct 10, 2017 23:47

Motronic: Nov 6, 2009

LadyPictureShow posted:

I'm not really up on airsofts or whatever kind of 'realistic looking BB Gun' she's referring to, but those can do some damage or at least ding you up pretty good if you're hit point-blank/close quarters with a pellet from it, yeah?

# ? Oct 10, 2017 23:58

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

I [25M] am stuck in a "friend zone" type loop with women, and i'm running out of steam/drive.

quote:

First off, this is NOT a rant about the friend zone or a debate on the existence. I just don't know how else to describe what keeps happening.

Also, Not a throwaway. I doubt anyone I know would see it, but I'm not afraid either way.

I'm not sure what it is, nor how I do it, but every girl i've tried to date in the last three years has friendzoned me, SO MUCH SO that they all (separately) have said "Oh we weren't dating, that was just us hanging out". From when I was in college, to when I was working full time, to now being Active Duty US Armed Forces. I've attempted to date women of different races, (legal) ages, backgrounds, builds, attitudes, hobbies, anything that I can align with and actually makes me feel like I would want to be with them, and not just hook up. Nothing seems to stick, they all just think of me as "a really good friend" and aren't afraid to call me if their life seems to be falling apart, or their boyfriend cheats on them, or whatever else.

I'll admit that i'm not extremely active on searching. I might ask one girl out over a 2.5 month span, on average, and not including deployments. Some may call that picky and say "Beggars can't be choosers." But why would I even attempt a relationship of I didn't have chemistry? I'm not aiming to hook up here.

They all say something along the lines of "I really like you as a person" or "I'd like to be your friend." Or both. Usually Both. And when I ask what the previous interactions were, things I thought could easily have been construed a date, I get the "Oh, I was just being friendly." line, or similar.

I don't know what i'm trying to get at. But over 3 years (minus 8 months of deployment, so 28 months), average of 2.5-3 months, that's 9 or 10 different new friends (which seems about right). None of them know each other that I can see, none of them have ever even met that I can see, but they all say the same thing.

I can't be an rear end in a top hat. I just.. can't. I hate being a monster, I prefer it much more when my emotions work on some level, and I know what it's like to be treated like rubbish. I've seen it and experienced it, and I don't want to purposefully do that to make some girl like me. Just seems.... gamy. Disreputable. lovely.

I don't know if it's something i'm doing and don't realize, not doing, or anything like that. I'm not bad looking, financially independent, clean, responsible, caring, and kind. Downsides are self esteem issues, self doubt, and similar things to that nature.

I don't know what else to do. I already feel myself becoming more reclusive, shying away from watching relationship-esque movies and shows, my music choices (outside of the rave) are getting sadder, i'm sleeping more, harder to want to play PC games or things my nerdy self enjoys, and just general falling back into that hole with that one D word that I can't admit to because of the job. It's harder and harder to push out and try to keep connecting. I'm getting extremely jaded and find it harder to get past thoughts of "What's the loving point of trying."

I'm tired, guys/girls. I'm tired. And i'm running out of forward push.

tl;dr: Being myself gets me new friends but no relationships, don't want to compromise being a nice, caring guy that everyone says they want and I truly enjoy being.

Edit: Some words moved around, added a sentence, did some housekeeping.

Edit 2: OKAY SO, apparently the common thought is that I need to ask specifically before going out if the outing is, in fact, a date. The fact that I have to ask if something is a date like that seems HORRENDOUSLY vacuous. But okay. I mean, I guess I have to play the game, right?

# ? Oct 11, 2017 00:07

FROOOOOOOOG: Jan 28, 2009

La Brea Carpet posted:

Count the red flags!

My BF [29M] is not attracted to me [24F] but wants to keep dating

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IAMiTfSU7ZA&t=64s

So uh the guy's gay, right?
Christian upbringing, attracted to incredibly skinny girls (despite being overweight) with short hair, grew up "around a lot of boys"...

# ? Oct 11, 2017 00:10

Dienes: Nov 4, 2009; dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot; College Slice

Ham Sandwiches posted:

I feel the phrase "the one he comes home to" is the biggest red flag there it's just so... loving weird. Like when people use the whole menu analogy unironically.

It really is. Its like saying "Yeah I'm loving these other women, but you're the lucky one that gets to clean up after me, honey!"

# ? Oct 11, 2017 00:11

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Haifisch posted:

I [25M] am stuck in a "friend zone" type loop with women, and i'm running out of steam/drive.

Looking forward to that guy's next post where he's bitching that he has to keep telling his partner he finds her attractive despite sticking his dick in her / being with her

# ? Oct 11, 2017 00:18

Propaganda Hour: Aug 25, 2008; after editing wikipedia as a joke for 16 years, i ve convinced myself that homer simpson's japanese name translates to the "The beer goblin"

Ham Sandwiches posted:

Looking forward to that guy's next post where he's bitching that he has to keep telling his partner he finds her attractive despite sticking his dick in her / being with her

I'm looking forward to the next post in /r/news where this guy shoots up a McDonald's over szeschuan sauce

# ? Oct 11, 2017 00:29

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Haifisch posted:

I can't be an rear end in a top hat. I just.. can't. I hate being a monster, I prefer it much more when my emotions work on some level, and I know what it's like to be treated like rubbish. I've seen it and experienced it, and I don't want to purposefully do that to make some girl like me. Just seems.... gamy. Disreputable. lovely.

It's weird how every single incel type immediately jumps from "nobody wants to bang me" to "oh well, guess that means I have to start treating them like dirt." One almost might think that there was some kind of common trait these guys share that makes women avoid them... but it would have to be something kind of really fatal character flaw for them to be so consistently rejected, like oh I don't know thinking that abuse is the best way to get a relationship. But that clearly can't be the case because they're such nice guys.

:thunk:

# ? Oct 11, 2017 00:34

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

I kinda wonder what he's doing where they get absolutely no vibes its a date, like just coffee breaks or something? You'd think at some point if he was actually trying to make it a date it'd be obvious whether or not he awkwardly added (you know, as a DATE date, not just as friends) to the invitation

# ? Oct 11, 2017 00:44

The Letter A: Nov 8, 2002

In the story he says he has self-esteem issues. I could certainly see that as being a dealbreaker for these women he's asking out--a lack of confidence coupled with the weird redpill-adjacent views he holds are probably enough to make most self-respecting women abandon ship as soon as they go on the first coffee "date" with him.

# ? Oct 11, 2017 00:54

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Haifisch posted:

I [25M] am stuck in a "friend zone" type loop with women, and i'm running out of steam/drive.

quote:
Active Duty US Armed Forces

this dude is so repellent to women that he can't get laid as an active duty soldier

think about that for a second

just let it sink in

# ? Oct 11, 2017 01:02

flick my Mr. Bean: Nov 18, 2014

Haifisch posted:

I [25M] am stuck in a "friend zone" type loop with women, and i'm running out of steam/drive.

I wonder how often he starts talking about any of this when he's ~~on these dates~~ hanging out with a friend.

# ? Oct 11, 2017 01:07

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

I wonder how often he starts talking about any of this when he's ~~on these dates~~ hanging out with a friend.

it's gotta be 100% of dates if the dude is an active duty soldier

like jesus loving christ dude you are kryptonite to women, literal, actual kryptonite, weakening and eventually killing their superhuman resolve to gently caress you until there's nothing left but contempt and pity for your sad rear end

# ? Oct 11, 2017 01:33

Motronic: Nov 6, 2009

Mirthless posted:

this dude is so repellent to women that he can't get laid as an active duty soldier

think about that for a second

just let it sink in

You don't know many active duty people in this day and age do you? And don't think active duty means soldier. This guy is so 25x it hurts.

# ? Oct 11, 2017 01:57

Mirthless: Mar 27, 2011; by the sex ghost

Motronic posted:

You don't know many active duty people in this day and age do you? And don't think active duty means soldier. This guy is so 25x it hurts.

i've never known anybody who served who had a hard time getting laid but no, i guess i don't :shrug:

he's still gotta be some kind of loser if all these women are signing up to go out on dates with him but still shutting him down immediately

# ? Oct 11, 2017 02:13

Ride The Gravitron: May 2, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

ArbitraryC posted:

I kinda wonder what he's doing where they get absolutely no vibes its a date, like just coffee breaks or something? You'd think at some point if he was actually trying to make it a date it'd be obvious whether or not he awkwardly added (you know, as a DATE date, not just as friends) to the invitation

My guess is a lack of flirting. They probably just talk normally so the ladies think they're just friends.

# ? Oct 11, 2017 02:33

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

I'm [25F] having trouble with my boyfriend's [27 M] "macho" criticizing / argumentative behaviors

quote:

My boyfriend [27M] and I [25F] have been dating for almost two years now and I'm starting to notice a couple of behaviors that really are driving me up the wall.

He really enjoys handing out 'constructive criticism' or telling people what they're doing wrong on a regular basis. Because I see him 4-5 times a week, I feel like I get the blunt of this a lot and find that he will nitpick anything I do and suggest ways I could improve. While he sees this as being extremely helpful to me, I am close to having a nervous breakdown because he has opinions about everything. He's been on me for how I'm always driving the wrong way [he has some pretty extreme road rage], how my mom is a "worthless c_ _ _" if I tell him about any family problems, or how i'm too sensitive about everything because I'm trying to call him out on his behaviors now. I've been asking him to stop while he's ahead, but he just gets angry or tells me to tell other people to just 'go f themselves' and that i'm letting them walk all over me if there's any other conflict.

Lately, things have really been escalating. If anyone has a different political view / worldview than his, he believes that it is his duty to disprove anyone's opinion to make his look more logical. To him, this is just doing the right thing because he wants people to 'base their judgement off of facts,' but unless you're on board with what he says, he basically steam rolls you.

He grew up in an abusive household and had a rocky relationship with his father until the last couple of years. I'm worried that he's taking on these behaviors because they were modeled to him as a child and I don't know what to do.

Last night, we got into a fight for close to four hours because his behaviors put me at risk, legally. We were sitting on the tailgate of his truck in a parking lot eating takeout with a bunch of other people. Everyone knows that this is a location where the local 'nicer' cars go cruising at night, so we parked and just finished our meal while watching the cars go by. Apparently, one of the business owners were uncomfortable with us being there and called the cops to try to clear everyone that was parked along the road. An officer came up to us, asked what we were doing there, told us we were loitering and that we could be fined if we don't leave. I tried to de-escalate the situation by saying "sorry, we haven't been here before - we didn't know it was wrong. we'll leave now," but my boyfriend saw this as an opportunity to pick a fight. Instead of just hopping back in the car, which I was completely ready to do, he got an attitude and told the cop that he was just eating dinner and that nothing's wrong with that. This caused a second cop to come over and talk to him, which he starts telling off by explaining that the police should be out there patrolling the streets instead of bugging him. At this point, i'm begging him to stop talking (I have trauma issues involving police) and to just get in the freaking car so we can leave. He was pretty pissed off and nudged me in the side and told me to not even talk if a cop is talking to him because he can handle it. At that point, we had two cops on us because he felt like it was his duty to stand up to them "because nobody else does." He constantly tells me he hates the police force and said that he'd treat them with respect if they respected him in return. He feels like it's his job to constantly make himself seem bigger than any other person so people don't take advantage of him.

I feel like when it comes to potentially legal situations, you should just stand down to avoid getting screwed. I feel like this whole confrontation could have been avoided and that he put me at risk because he wouldn't just drop it and leave when they told us to. I tried to get him to see that when we were talking about it later, but he has never apologized for anything (because he always thinks he never does anything wrong) and didn't think it was important to stand down when I begged him to.

We were planning on moving in together this summer, but I'm really hesitant to if he will never apologize for hurting me with his behaviors or listen to me when i'm begging him to stop picking fights (which has also been done at my family functions as well). I asked him to start seeing a counselor last night for his anger issues and he said he wont because it's not really a problem that he can be assertive and that i'm just too sensitive. I'm at wits end here and feel like i'm going crazy because he wont acknowledge that his behaviors are a problem. I don't want to leave him because he's not always like this, but god forbid you ever disagree with the man. What else can I do?

tl;dr: boyfriend's joy of criticizing and picking fights is causing relationship issues. he does not see either of these as a problem.

# ? Oct 11, 2017 03:01

Khorne: May 1, 2002

Melchiresa posted:

Ok, which one of you did this

My [25M] roommate [26M] constantly talks poo poo about my favorite composer Mozart

The comment section is

Man I hate it when I�m trying to play my favorite Mozart sonata and my roommate just scoffs.

# ? Oct 11, 2017 03:03

iustorum_anime: Apr 4, 2016

Bought my [28F] SIL [23F] an expensive graduation gift which she publicly destroyed on social media. Angry but unsure how to proceed.

quote:

I've been married to my husband [30M] for one year, together for 7. His younger sister graduated with her masters earlier this year.

We talked to her mom and found out that she was looking to compile a professional wardrobe and was stuck on affording some of the big pieces. So, we thought it'd be nice to start her off with a nice work-bag. My cousin works for a huge luxury goods depot, so I asked her and we eventually decided on a $1100 leather Mulberry tote.

Well, we had shown this bag (pictures of it) to MIL and FIL and they all approved, saying the bag was gorgeous and the sister has never owned anything nearly as nice before. I thought it could be useful to SIL at least. The bag wasn't flashy at all and was a good size/comfort for casual work things. I also wanted to buy something nice for SIL since she was in our wedding party and did a lot of work helping us prep.

Long story short, we present the bag to SIL at her graduation party and everything seemed to go smoothly. She seemed to like the bag, remarked on how soft it felt, and thanked us. We thought it went well. A few weeks ago I get a text from one of my best friends, who follows SIL on Instagram. She sent me a screenshot of a picture of the Mulberry bag that's been covered in black tar or something and ripped on the sides. The caption is only a bunch of emojis, but it obviously looks like some kind of political statement. It got a ton of likes and comments too.

I immediately showed my husband and he's furious, immediately wants to call his sister. She was overseas at the time so he called MIL. Well, her response was absolutely unprecedented. MIL responds that she's sorry we saw the picture, but we can't blame SIL because it was our fault we never asked SIL if she's okay with leather goods, because apparently SIL is a big animal activist now and she claimed our gift was beyond insulting. Besides, since it was a gift, she could "do whatever she wants with it." My husband was still angry and asks why MIL never told us this when we showed her the pictures. MIL just says she couldn't tell it was leather from the pictures. That's it.

Husband and I are honestly dumbfounded. He thinks his SIL is being a huge brat, but MIL has apparently turned the whole family to her side by saying that we intentionally insulted the sister, the loving animal activist, by buying her an expensive genuine leather bag. I think that's no excuse for destroying the gift. She could've returned it to us on the spot and we would have gotten her something else. Instead, we find out through an instagram screenshot.

It's been roughly a month since this all started and husband is still angry. He still wants to confront his sister but she's been mysteriously hard to reach ever since. I'm angry too but unsure how to proceed. It was a gift so technically she had her rights, but we just feel angry that she could be so rude and tactless with it. It also doesn't help that everyone now expects an APOLOGY from us. We have a big family gathering coming up soon (end of this month) and we're honestly stuck. It would suck to go and have this whole thing dragged out again, but we also don't want this issue to taint all future family events. His FIL and other siblings are still very sweet to us and they've intentionally taken no sides in this, even attempting to defend us. We'd still like to see them.

Edit: To those asking why we didn't know SIL was an animal activist, we genuinely didn't know. This was apparently a very, very recent development because she ate meat at our wedding and every major family gathering that we can remember.

tl;dr: SIL destroyed an expensive gift from husband and I claiming that it was intentionally insulting to her as an animal activist. We think she was over the top in how she handled it, but now large parts of her family is defending her and expects an apology from us.

# ? Oct 11, 2017 03:14

Sorryformybadjokes: Apr 21, 2004; I identify as a simian who pronounces the 'silent' letters in words.; Fallen Rib

at the big family gathering just explain you ran this past the MIL first, she said it was fine, no one said the SIL didn't want anything to do with leather, but at the end of the day the gift was over $1000 and if it wasn't wanted it could have been transferred into a donation to PETA or some other organisation but that because SIL hosed it up now the animals will all die

# ? Oct 11, 2017 03:20

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Like, uh, maybe if you are going to spend over a grand on someone you should ask them what they want.

# ? Oct 11, 2017 03:32

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Ride The Gravitron posted:

My guess is a lack of flirting. They probably just talk normally so the ladies think they're just friends.

I think even if they talked normally most friend friends wouldn't go out for a 1 on 1 dinner then head back to his place for some drinks and netflix. Like dude has to be picking the most mundane work lunch style "dates" for no one to pick up on his intent.

Obviously flirting should be there too it's just even beyond that it's p funny.

# ? Oct 11, 2017 03:34

Bunni-kat: May 25, 2010; Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?

Jeff Sichoe posted:

at the big family gathering just explain you ran this past the MIL first, she said it was fine, no one said the SIL didn't want anything to do with leather, but at the end of the day the gift was over $1000 and if it wasn't wanted it could have been transferred into a donation to PETA or some other organisation but that because SIL hosed it up now the animals will all die

Don�t donate to loving PETA, what the god-damned hell is wrong with you?

# ? Oct 11, 2017 03:37

coolskull: Nov 11, 2007

what a charmed life you live, to destroy something worth over a grand for an instagram

# ? Oct 11, 2017 03:39

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Avenging_Mikon posted:

Don�t donate to loving PETA, what the god-damned hell is wrong with you?

I don't agree with PETA, but they get a bad rap from sensationalized reporting. I know someone who works for them and she is sane, smart, and level headed, even if she is a vegan and won't take her kid to he zoo. Really nice person.

# ? Oct 11, 2017 03:41

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

LOVE LOVE SKELETON posted:

what a charmed life you live, to destroy something worth over a grand for an instagram

Considering her family can drop $1100 on a graduation gift like it ain't no thang, are you really surprised she doesn't care that the thing she destroyed was expensive?

# ? Oct 11, 2017 03:46

Dienes: Nov 4, 2009; dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot; College Slice

therobit posted:

I don't agree with PETA, but they get a bad rap from sensationalized reporting. I know someone who works for them and she is sane, smart, and level headed, even if she is a vegan and won't take her kid to he zoo. Really nice person.

Good people work for terrible organizations all the time.

# ? Oct 11, 2017 03:46

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# ? May 28, 2024 19:05

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

therobit posted:

I don't agree with PETA, but they get a bad rap from sensationalized reporting. I know someone who works for them and she is sane, smart, and level headed, even if she is a vegan and won't take her kid to he zoo. Really nice person.

Zoos are essential organizations for animal preservation and help conserve species and breed them to be reintroduced into the wild, as well as designing enclosures to fit the animals' comforts and needs. Obviously it's still her choice, but disapproving of all zoos everywhere as opposed to low-budget zoos that can't properly care for their animals or zoos that train animals to perform isn't exactly the most logical or beneficial to animals.

PETA gets a bad rap because of taking things to extremes to the point where it's detrimental to animal welfare, such as with the complete no-go stance on zoos. I admire compassion for animals and I love animals myself, but I don't think an anecdote about one nice, intelligent PETA member outweighs the damage they do to essential animal conservation programs.

EDIT: And this is just my opinion but I think zoos are also important because being able to see an animal in a semi-natural environment goes a long way to helping people build empathy for that animal and species. If you never see or interact with wildlife, it's common not to care about it, and many animals that critically need support in their natural habitat to prevent extinction aren't ones you're going to see wandering around. By putting a living face to natural preservation, zoos can help convince people to support conservation efforts and oppose overdevelopment.

PetraCore fucked around with this message at 03:57 on Oct 11, 2017

# ? Oct 11, 2017 03:54

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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