quote:

Posting this again since I'm new to Reddit and have no idea how to use it

I'm so embarrassed right now, but I do not think I did anything wrong. Let me explain the situation:

I have had the same mutual friend group since I graduated college 3 years ago. It's a group of people I met through my best friend Jenna (f25) who was my sorority sister in college. Included in the friend group is her older brother (m29) Joe and his wife Diana (f28). I considered both of them my friends, too, but would say I was closer to Joe as he's Jenna's brother.

Diana hosted a birthday dinner for Joe over the weekend. Our mutual friends were there, but so was Jenna and his family. I was happy to get to know some of the people I hadn't met. I know his parents well and caught up well with them too. Diana and Joe also had a child recently and I did see him a few times too. He's adorable!

When we were sitting down after dinner, Diana freaked out on me. She yelled at me, in front of everyone, to stop flirting with her husband, stop touching him, and to not come into her house and be disrespectful. People got quiet after this, before my best friend started talking about something else. I left shortly after.

I truly don't think I did anything disrespectful throughout the night. I, of course, talked to the birthday boy a lot. Everyone was. I don't remember touching him too much, but it was close quarters so I did brush up against him a few times. I did give him a big hug when I saw him and later when I gave him his gift. That is it.

I texted Jenna and she said that I should talk to Diana and Joe about it, but that I should keep distance with him for now because she's never seen Diana this angry. I was supposed to attend their parent's anniversary party but she told me that wouldn't be a good idea right now.

I am a very friendly person, but I respect people's personal boundaries. If anyone had an issue before, they could've mentioned it to me. I have not changed this in the past 3 years, since I've met both Joe and Diana. I am so embarrassed that she basically accused me of trying to sleep with her husband in front of all of our friends and his family. I feel like I can't show my face now.

tl;dr: My friend's wife who I thought was also my friend yelled at me in front of everyone and embarrassed me. What can I do? I am so embarrassed.

TheScott2K posted:

No, that's not normal. Most guys who have told an ex he deleted her nudes are lying, but this spreadsheeting poo poo is never not weird.

ArbitraryC posted:

I think it's still weird to hold onto nudes of exes and it'd be a good reason to end a relationship if you found your partner collecting them. odds are very likely none of them were given with the intent of lasting past the relationship so it's p gross to not delete them when things end.

fruit on the bottom posted:

My friend's (M/29) wife (F/28) who I thought was also my friend embarrassed me (F/25) in front of all of our mutual friends (F/M 20s/30s).


Is Diana overreacting or did OP leave something out?

fruit on the bottom posted:

My friend's (M/29) wife (F/28) who I thought was also my friend embarrassed me (F/25) in front of all of our mutual friends (F/M 20s/30s).


Is Diana overreacting or did OP leave something out?

Doggles posted:

Me [37 M] with my girlfriend [20 F] 1 months, I think she might be special needs or learning disabled in some way

quote:

Hey everyone. Really could use some help here.

My fiancé and I got engaged 3 months ago. Everything’s good overall. I love him a lot and can’t wait to start a life with him.

Thing is, we first met via instagram. I’m very into social media (mainly twitter, insta, Facebook, Snapchat, and periscope). Fiancé calls it an “addiction” and maybe it is. He says doesn’t about that but he views my interactions online as “flirty” a lot of the time. I feel like I’m just being myself but I have a bubbly personality that can be taken as flirting, I guess. In his defense, guys do hit on me (even though I’m extremely public about the fact that I’m in a relationship). So I get why he doesn’t like that. But I always shut it down or ignore it.

We ended up discussing issue this while drunk and I asked if he’d feel better if I just gave him my phone passcode. (Thing is, I have the apps downloaded and I don’t have to type in my password every time I open them. So if he can open my phone, he can get on my social media accounts).

I expected him to be like “no that’s okay” or “don’t be silly”. But he ended up saying he did want it. And I was buzzed and tired so I just gave it to him. And that made him happy but, when I woke up, I kind of started rethinking it. I mean I don’t even have his passwords for stuff and I’ve never asked.

So this doesn’t seem totally fair?

And so I said that and he asked what the point of us having an adult discussion and resolving things is if I’m going to flip flop on the resolution. And I didn’t really have an answer because I am flip flopping a little.

I don’t know. I guess I’m torn. I feel like on the one hand it doesn’t matter because I know I don’t do anything inappropriate. But on the other hand...it’s my passcode.

So I said to him “okay well then can I have your phone passcode?” And he told me I can’t. To be fair, he has good reason because he’s a lawyer and might have confidential material or whatever on there.

So I’m not sure what to do now about this and I don’t want to cause an argument. Do you all have an advice about how we can try to resolve this?
Thanks in advance for your help.

tl;dr gave fiancé my passcode because he considers my behavior on social media to be “flirty”. I kind of think giving him the passcode wasn’t a great idea. But when I said that, he basically pointed out that I’m being flaky (and I guess I am). Trying to figure out how to approach this again without starting a fight. Or maybe I should just let him have it? Advice would be great.

Doggles posted:

Me [37 M] with my girlfriend [20 F] 1 months, I think she might be special needs or learning disabled in some way

subpar anachronism posted:

The post itself got deleted and OP flounced (originally had just replaced the post with whining about how reddit was unsympathetic) but this must have been juicy.

fruit on the bottom posted:

My friend's (M/29) wife (F/28) who I thought was also my friend embarrassed me (F/25) in front of all of our mutual friends (F/M 20s/30s).


Is Diana overreacting or did OP leave something out?

quote:

>>Do you value salvaging your relationship with this woman?
Yes because if I'm not good with her, then I won't be good with Joe or his family or his close friends. They were looking at me like I had 5 heads after she yelled at me. When I left, his mom said, "that's for the best."

I asked Jenna today if she thinks she would apologize and she said, not to expect that and to better respect boundaries. I don't know.

quote:

Joe hasn't talked to me since and didn't respond to my texts. No one is going to apologize to me and I didn't do anything wrong. I feel like I'm in alternate universe right now. No one has ever complained about how I act.

quote:

Jenna all but told me not to attend the party. I really want to go as I do not have family near me and her parents have treated me well. I don't know if I should push that or not?

quote:

I responded to someone who was asking about their parent's anniversary party. I said that she didn't out-right say not to attend or ban me from going, but you could say that she didn't think it was a good idea and was trying to be nice. I want to go to support her parents.

quote:

Jenna and I just FaceTime for the past like 40ish minutes. She said that she talked to her SIL (Diana) and her brother over the weekend. This is what her SIL said (she sent me a screenshot):

I am always touching and always flirting with Joe. I'm rude to her, ignoring her and not saying hi when I go over to their house. I've texted Joe late at night, even though he had a pregnant wife at home and now a young baby. On his birthday, I went to their house, barely said anything to her, went to see their baby (I hadn't met him yet!), got him all worked up but had enough time to take a picture for Instagram, and then she had to spend the next 15 minutes calming him down. When she came back out, she saw us in a corner, alone, me giving him his gift, and hugging him. I touched him other times throughout the night and no one else had that problem. I did not talk to her at dinner (she was on the opposite end of the table, so of course not), yet I was joking and flirting with her husband. She said I am not welcome in her home again.

She said her brother said that he's sorry his wife yelled at me because he was the one who she should've been yelling at. Diana asked him multiple times to pull back on our friendship because I was being rude to her and I was always touching him and he said nothing. He'll now be doing that apparently.

No one EVER called me out about these things and I still think that Diana is reading a lot more into everything than there was. I did not purposely ignore her, I always talked to her, I just know Joe better and felt more comfortable with him. She's always been preoccupied with her pregnancy and now their son, so I haven't seen her as much.

quote:

Thanks, I don’t have too many friends who are married and parents, so it is different then when I hang out with other people who are in our friend group.

The late night texts are something I have sent to other people too. I know now I shouldn’t do that, but it isn’t like I was hitting on him. I was drunk when sending some of them. I know now to hide my phone when that happens.

I should’ve maybe tried harder with her, but we were closer in the beginning. Since she’s gotten pregnant and had her child, she been busy with all these pregnancy things and taking care of the baby. It’s hard to be friends.

Mirthless posted:

3. This is the third time somebody's girlfriend has found their word doc/excel file of all the female friends they want to gently caress, is this all the same guy or is this way more common than anybody could have ever believed was possible?

Mirthless posted:

edit: Drunk texting a married man with a new baby in the middle of the night,

quote:

My brother missed my wedding the summer before last and I am still pissed off about it. We gave him 7 months notice on the date, but he immediately said he had to work and couldn't get away that weekend. He is a doctor and has to work odd shifts, and apparently trading on the weekend of our wedding was not easy. It is difficult to tell when he is being honest because he is introverted and tells half-truths to get out of things, and he imagines restrictions when there are none. Like he wouldn't have said that he needs to trade shifts because his brother is getting married - he would consider that unprofessional and asking too much of his colleagues.

It's been many years of him avoiding things, including our son's first birthday (was a no-show) and just about every other event. I owned my house for seven years and invited him and his family over multiple times before he finally made it over (my mom made him). We live in the same city and we would frequently go months without seeing each other. During those years I was twice hospitalized (he couldn't be bothered to visit or "had to work"). It's now been almost two years since I've seen him, but he seems to want to keep contact but only in his own way.

I'm not sure if his evasiveness was the case with our wedding or whether he genuinely couldn't make it. What makes this difficult is that there are three more siblings. He is equally evasive with them but does not seem to want complete separation.

What I can't do is continue to live in no-man's land like I do right now. I can't continue to wonder if something I said or did was the cause of all this, or if he really considers this to be normal. I think about it way too much, to the point of it being problematic. I am just so insulted that he didn't make the wedding and that he didn't even seem to try.

Thoughts on how to get me out of my misery on this one? I wish I could cut him off without it causing drama.

tl;dr: Brother is introverted and evasive, missed my wedding in addition to just about everything else. Need a solution as it is causing me a lot of pain.

Dienes posted:

In my early 20s I had a boyfriend that wanted to break up because he was convinced a girl in his class was in love with him (Spoiler: she didn't even know his name). However, he avoided conflict and couldn't muster the courage to say anything. I knew something was amiss and tried to talk to him about it, but he would just clam up. He then asked me one day to review his psych paper for feedback - this wasn't unusual, we swapped papers with our friends and each other for edits all the time. I hopped on his computer and

:bigtran: :Which file is your paper?
:Its one of the ones on the desktop.
:bigtran: :There's like 8 here, which one?
:Um, uh, just, um, just um open them all until you find one that looks like a psychology paper, I guess. I'm gonna go get a drink.

I open the first file, "Untitled.doc". I start reading and its a love letter he's written to that girl. I open the next 3 files on the desktop...and they are all the exact same thing, just with different titles. So I do a search for the first line of the letter, out of curiosity. He had been putting copies of it in various places with different names in a different folders. You could actually see a progression where he was trying to make them more and more suspicious: "Porn" --> "Secret Porn" --> "Don't Look!" --> "Bad Stuff" --> "I Hate Myself" --> "<Dienes>" culminating in putting 8 copies on his desktop and telling me to open one.

:bigtran: :So what is this....love letter I'm reading?
:Oh no, you've found me out. You must be so mad.
:bigtran: :Why all....this? Why not just talk to me?
:I CAN'T HELP MY FEELINGS! You must be so angry. If you want to break up I understand.
:bigtran: :Just say "I want to break up." This was stupid.
:I totally understand if you want to break up. You must be so hurt. I betrayed you. I understand.

So whenever I see a story pop up on here where an incriminating file is stored with a weird, dramatic title rather than "2014 Tax Return," I assume that was because it was intended to be found, meant for it to be read, deliberately trying to be caught.
In short,

fruit on the bottom posted:

Me [39 M] with my brother [43 M]. He missed my wedding and I am very hurt. Don't know whether to cut things off completely or not.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Jason Sextro posted:

Your use of is appropriate in this case. What drives a person to that level of conflict avoidance?

fruit on the bottom posted:

Me [39 M] with my brother [43 M]. He missed my wedding and I am very hurt. Don't know whether to cut things off completely or not.

quote:

He is a doctor
During those years I was twice hospitalized

Mirthless posted:

OP 100% left poo poo out,

Jason Sextro posted:

Your use of is appropriate in this case. What drives a person to that level of conflict avoidance?

TheScott2K posted:

The worst thing about dealing with social phobia is knowing you're making people feel this way. I was in a place like this guy - though not as bad - and I imagine the way the OP is taking his behavior is exactly how my friends and family probably felt. I hope OP can help him help himself.

subpar anachronism posted:

The post itself got deleted and OP flounced (originally had just replaced the post with whining about how reddit was unsympathetic) but this must have been juicy.

quote:

Let's get to the point.

My partner was married (no kids). He probably can go on and on about why his marriage went wrong. He was young, didn't actually want to get married but was inexperienced, she didn't contribute, had untreated bipolar disorder, was controlling, threatened suicide, etc. Still we both don't excuse the fact that it was wrong that the relationships overlapped (it's a new word for cheating hah!). It wasn't sudden cheating. I limited contact with him until he moved out (but was still in process of divorce).

We both have grown a lot from this experience. He refers to himself as a coward for not ending the relationship first. He admits there was things wrong on his side too and even though the marriage was troublesome there was still good memories and he doesn't always talk poo poo about her. I like that he feels like this. I feel like he has learned a lot. Over the years he has grown to be extremely understanding and empathetic. He has a lot of empathy for people who get cheated on. He can't even watch scenes of cheating in movie/tv shows because he gets upset.

I don't have doubts about my place in this relationship and his love for me. I've seen him at worst times and have seen him grow. Now onto my problem ... he mentions his ex a lot.

See his ex was a huge part of his life since he was with her since their early 20s. He has more memories with her than me. I don't expect to not hear about her at all. To some extent I'm grateful of her because she is one of the reasons why he's a mature and empathetic man now. She comes up A LOT. And not even in relevant stories. We went on a date once and she came up 3-5 times. I guess I'd say my partner is very open with me and tells me about all his exes (this is my first long term relationship so maybe I just don't get it). Yesterday we went house hunting and I'm pretty sure she came up 10 times that day some in form of stories some in form of passing (i.e. ah that sounds like ex's friend) or when I was talking about my sister having problems finding a job (yeah ex also had problems finding jobs!)

Here's a twist. She passed away last year. I know he's not malicious. I told him about it during dinner when it happened and he acted shocked and thought it was mean of me to say. I told him he can talk about her with me any time he wants but not during romantic dinners??

You all know why this is annoying me. Because the relationship overlapped like that and there was no space in between. But how am I supposed to fix that? Some nights I get upset about it and can't sleep. Some days I'm fine with it. I don't know how am I supposed to feel and what is right to do? should I tell him all this? I feel like I'm a third wheel or something ... like I have accepted that there always will be memory of another woman in my life. Am I selfish?

He notices that I get upset. He's very good at it. He begged me to tell him what's wrong and if he's done something wrong and he apologized if he has. I think it's not fair to him that I get upset like this. My solution so far has been to ... suck it up.

EDIT : I'm not insecure. This isn't a case of "oh his ex is hot" etc. I'm confident, attractive and well off with a good career. Nothing to be insecure about. I just want a .... normal relationship like other people

Werong Bustope posted:

I found the original post, without the twist it's just common or garden cheater's insecurity but when you know the backstory whooo boy

Gosh I wonder why he finds it hard to watch cheating in TV and movies guess he's just an empathetic guy.

blarzgh posted:

Look, I fuckin hate this lady, and even if I presume every known fact against her I still think the Real Housewife of /r/Relationships is in the wrong here.

If some girl is being inappropriate with your husband, you tell your husband, and maybe you tell her off as well. But not in a screaming fit in front of everyone. Thats just another way of saying, "I'm the crazy one."

Mirthless posted:

OP 100% left poo poo out,

Choice quotes from the OP:



she deleted the comment this tree'd off of, but apparently there's another party soon




Here's Diana's side apparently. lol. She literally woke up their new baby to take a picture for instagram, and then left the crying infant with Diana (no doubt to go spend more time with Joe, away from Diana)


I wouldn't want her in my house either. Holy. loving. poo poo. This lady is horrible.

edit: Drunk texting a married man with a new baby in the middle of the night,



she has been downvoted into oblivion, /r/relationships is reaming her over this

blarzgh posted:

Look, I fuckin hate this lady, and even if I presume every known fact against her I still think the Real Housewife of /r/Relationships is in the wrong here.

If some girl is being inappropriate with your husband, you tell your husband, and maybe you tell her off as well. But not in a screaming fit in front of everyone. Thats just another way of saying, "I'm the crazy one."

Pick posted:

It destroys the people you love and reduces their ability to feel safe, connected, and intimate with others. A real bummer

tactlessbastard posted:

Yeah, that wasn't the smoothest move but in crazy lady's defense, OP had pushed just about every single last button there was to push.

Also, lmao at OP trying to bulldog her way into the next party because the parents were kind to her before all this .

And yes, getting drunk and texting young parents late at night is real a real dick move. It's not like it couldn't have waited and you won't be there to take care of the baby you just woke up for the TWO loving HOURS IT TAKES TO GET IT BACK TO SLEEP I'LL FUCKIN CUT YOU DAD QUIT CALLING LATE WHEN YOU'RE BORED

Pick posted:

Wow, dude killed his wife for -this-

Mirthless posted:

like I do not have kids, I do not want kids, I will never have kids

fruit on the bottom posted:

Me [39 M] with my brother [43 M]. He missed my wedding and I am very hurt. Don't know whether to cut things off completely or not.

Mirthless posted:

like I do not have kids, I do not want kids, I will never have kids

but even i know that waking up somebody's baby to take a selfie with it, handing it off to the mother, and then getting handsy with her husband while mom is trying to get the baby back to sleep is about as lovely as it gets

after all the poo poo she's put up with i'm surprised screaming was the extent of where she took it

Pick posted:

Your best post yet!

ArbitraryC posted:

I think you're kinda making up the "handsy" part of the story. Like it's a birthday party, people hug and may bump into each other on a cramped couch that's not the same as rubbing his thigh.

ArbitraryC posted:

I don't really understand his problem here. His brother is an introvert who's socially anxious and doesn't really want to change that. It's not like the op needs to sever cause his brother is being a dick all the time, just leave him alone and let him reconnect on his own time if he decides to change.

Werong Bustope posted:

I wonder if he's really that empathetic or whether this lady is such a black hole of human feeling that she perceives the ability to experience normal emotions as some astonishing superpower.

ArbitraryC posted:

I don't really understand his problem here. His brother is an introvert who's socially anxious and doesn't really want to change that. It's not like the op needs to sever cause his brother is being a dick all the time, just leave him alone and let him reconnect on his own time if he decides to change.

Pick posted:

Social anxiety is a disease and it DOES affect others negatively, they're allowed to feel put out by rudeness and dismissal