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Fleta Mcgurn posted:You ever eaten capers from a jar? IM OLD FLEEEEEET Saaaame
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Oct 14, 2017 23:23
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Our middle child doesn't handle transitions particularly well (what child does?), and in particular, dealing with the "it's time for pajamas" transition is hard. This evening, while he was once again insisting that it was still clothes time, he took matters into his own hands: he grabbed all of the pajamas out of his drawer and walked over to the dirty laundry basket (that I had just thrown his dirty clothes in) and tossed all of them in. After all, if he doesn't have any pajamas to wear, he must be able to wear clothes, right?
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Oct 15, 2017 01:17
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Today, my four year old daughter entered my bedroom and (proudly? worriedly? it was hard to tell) announced that she is growing hair on her legs. (She was not.) She insisted I look and then immediately turned around and left, closing the door behind her. I'm still not totally sure what to make of this. It's ladies, me, and my prepubescent son around here. I'm the only one with leg hair. It was hilarious and perplexing.
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Oct 15, 2017 08:20
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I ate (and still eat) sugar lumps straight out of the bowl in fancy tea places. I'm not putting one in my tea (I'm not un sauvage, Marie) so I should be able to eat one without it being greedy, right?
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Oct 16, 2017 09:42
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I was visiting my sister, and had a chat with my nephew. Nephew: Do you want to see my Halloween costume? Me: Of course Nephew comes out in an adorable mouse costume. Me: Aren't you a cute little mouse! Nephew: I'm not cute! I am scary! SCARY! *stomps his foot* After changing back into normal clothes Nephew: Are you not scared of mouse? Aunts are supposed to be scared of mouse! Me: No, I'm not scared of mice, I think they are cute. Nephew: Then you are a WITCH! *storms outside* Sorry, buddy, I didn't mean to ruin your super scary costume!
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Oct 16, 2017 18:00
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My nephew did the opposite! He came in in his bat costume, and I went, "Eek! A bat!" and he said, "Don't worry, I'm a nice bat."
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Oct 16, 2017 22:06
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When my daughter was two we made very flimsy bat wings that she could wear, and she was the happiest kid for a few minutes. After pretending to fly inside for a bit she pointed out our sixth floor apartment window. "Want to fly...... outside?" She looked at my wife and me with excitement in her eyes, as she was clearly envisioning herself flying through the sky. We explained that she couldn't do that, and her smile vanished as her arms drooped to her side. She looked down at the floor and spoke softly. "All done bat wings." I still feel like poo poo for not being able to break the laws of physics somehow and let her fly for real 
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Oct 16, 2017 22:50
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U-DO Burger posted:When my daughter was two we made very flimsy bat wings that she could wear, and she was the happiest kid for a few minutes. After pretending to fly inside for a bit she pointed out our sixth floor apartment window. you are the best human 
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Oct 16, 2017 22:53
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U-DO Burger posted:I still feel like poo poo for not being able to break the laws of physics somehow and let her fly for real Well, you could have let her fly for real without breaking the laws of physics... From the sixth floor she'd have got about two whole seconds worth! 
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Oct 18, 2017 14:33
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I found this in a newspaper from 1989.
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Oct 20, 2017 14:55
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What kind of rear end in a top hat names their kid Von
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Oct 20, 2017 15:26
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U-DO Burger posted:What kind of rear end in a top hat names their kid Von  Fock yooou.
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Oct 20, 2017 15:49
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Pastry of the Year posted:I found this in a newspaper from 1989. Santa eat the cacke
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Oct 20, 2017 18:50
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Pastry of the Year posted:I found this in a newspaper from 1989. I look at kids' bad phonetic spellings literally all day and this still managed to crack me up.
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Oct 20, 2017 21:10
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:I look at kids' bad phonetic spellings literally all day and this still managed to crack me up. Seeing it typed out somehow makes it that much funnier.
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Oct 21, 2017 17:13
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Pastry of the Year posted:I found this in a newspaper from 1989. why does the 1980s newspaper look like an 1880s newspaper........
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Oct 21, 2017 17:35
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Having my 5 year old nephew staying over, I find myself occasionally trapped in the spiralling insanity of a kid making you play along in a game they're making up. *takes pack of dinosaur memory cards* "You have to um... close your eyes and... walk behind me... and then I put cards down... and you have to... guess which ones they are!" How do I win this?? *presumably puts on sunglasses* "You don't."
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Oct 21, 2017 19:15
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Powaqoatse posted:why does the 1980s newspaper look like an 1880s newspaper........ Before the 90s, fonts were limited and expensive to create. Printing process was just beginning to utilize digital technology. In general, it was the same basic method used in the 1880s.
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Oct 21, 2017 19:37
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Short u plus n apparently makes UNT and one of our target phonics today was C and the kids, they don't always listen when you correct their pronunciation or ask them to slow down so sometimes you are on camera and there is a tiny child such a sweet little kid and they just they keep yelling it because they don't want to be corrected and there's a horrible lag just keep going oval office oval office oval office oval office TEACHAAAAAA CUNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm 99% sure I'd go to jail if I was working with any other nationality.
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Oct 21, 2017 20:49
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Goober Peas posted:Before the 90s, fonts were limited and expensive to create. Printing process was just beginning to utilize digital technology. In general, it was the same basic method used in the 1880s. Sure but it's spelt like 'twas the oldentymes also. It's def not children type spelling
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Oct 21, 2017 20:56
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:Short u lmbo can i vote oval office-yelling kid for president?
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Oct 21, 2017 20:57
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Powaqoatse posted:lmbo He was tenacious and charismatic, but took outside input poorly. I would advise against young "Yoyo," as he called himself.
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Oct 21, 2017 20:59
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:He was tenacious and charismatic, but took outside input poorly. I would advise against young "Yoyo," as he called himself. eh, hes better already
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Oct 21, 2017 22:12
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Powaqoatse posted:Sure but it's spelt like 'twas the oldentymes also. It's def not children type spelling I'm not sure what experience you are speaking from but IME yes, that is how kids might phonetically spell out some of those words while knowing the correct spelling of others for content- 6-7yos The past couple of weeks I was too tired in the morning to put my contacts in so I'd been wearing my glasses to school. Then one morning I woke up and felt untired enough to wear my contacts. A few kids noticed early in the morning ("Ms. Bravo, where are your glasses?") But one boy opted not to say anything until 20 minutes before the end of the school day, when he commented, "Ms. Bravo, are you wearing 'tacts?"
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Oct 22, 2017 16:59
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Powaqoatse posted:Sure but it's spelt like 'twas the oldentymes also. It's def not children type spelling I don't think they had Nintendos in the 1800s?
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Oct 22, 2017 17:14
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Definitely didn't have roemot centrols either.
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Oct 22, 2017 20:40
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Roro posted:I don't think they had Nintendos in the 1800s? They were founded in 1889.
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Oct 22, 2017 21:26
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:He was tenacious and charismatic, but took outside input poorly. I would advise against young "Yoyo," as he called himself. So Trump, basically.
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Oct 22, 2017 22:00
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Nephew's home again, but on Sunday at about 4.30am he tried to convince me it was totally time to get up. See, it was still dark because it's fall and he could hear birds (he couldn't), and when he opened the curtains he could see lots of people already up and about (he couldn't).
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Oct 24, 2017 07:25
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"Why is Michael Jackson black?" (my son is obsessed with Thriller and has asked to see pictures and videos of Michael Jackson dancing and singing, then sprung this one on me)
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Oct 25, 2017 23:37
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"Bibs! My punkin is broken! The stick is on the side and not on top!" *rolls the child's pumpkin from its side to its base* "Yay! You fixed it! You're a punkin master!" I'm still not sure if the kid was legitimately confused or not.
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Oct 26, 2017 07:13
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Children are easily confused but also wildly entertained by absurd attempts at humor only they understand, so you could go either way with that.
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Oct 26, 2017 10:50
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Guyver posted:A high sodium diet isn't necessarily bad for you if you're already healthy, active and drink plenty of fluids. I've gone through about a tablespoon of additional salt a day for as long as I can remember and my sodium's on the low side of normal. Bodies are weird. Dr. MonkeyThunder has a new favorite as of 02:29 on Oct 30, 2017 |
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Oct 29, 2017 00:09
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A paraphrased (for clarity) story from a little girl: KID: "This is the zoo. I see an elephant." ME: "I don't see an elephant. Can you show me, please?" KID: *draws elephant* "Here is the elephant. He is lovely." ME: "Yes, he is! What is he doing?" KID: "He goes OUT of the zoo, and he wants to find bananas-" *draws a bunch of bananas* "-and he goes to the store and the people say NO ELEPHANT NO our store is VERY small, so he is mad and he..." *at a loss for words, begins miming a rampage* ME: "Oh, no! He was so nice, but now he's bad!" KID: "TEACHER HE WANTS BANANAS SO MUCH!" ME: "What kind of animal is a lion?" KID: *gasp* "No!" ME: "Sorry?" KID: "A lion is not a kind animal! It is dangerous!"  This kid is the best. His cat ran away a few weeks ago and it broke his heart. We've been studying the differences between farm animals, wild animals, and pets. He told me last week that sometimes a cat starts life as a pet, but it goes away to become a wild animal, and then it has a baby, and the baby becomes a pet. And he's also stopped yelling NO TEACHER I DON'T SEE THE CAT and crossing it out on the slides, so I think he's improving.
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Oct 29, 2017 09:00
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ME: "Hi, guys! I'm Ms. Fleta, the new library teacher! We're going to blah blah blah not interesting stuff blah blah any questions for me?" SECOND GRADER: "Do you watch Stranger Things?" ME: "Yes!" SECOND GRADER: "Is the boy a girl or a boy?" ME:  I figured it out, she meant Eleven.ME: "This book is called 'A Pig Parade is a Terrible Idea.' What animals would be better for a parade?" SECOND GRADER: "Puppies!" ME: "Awww." SG2: "Bunnies!" ME: "Awwww." SG3: "Sharks!" ME: "B-" SG4: "Vampires!!!" ME: "But they-" SG5: "POOP!" We agreed as a group that poop would happen anyways with so many animals. The book is pretty fun, by the way. It's by Michael Ian Black.
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Nov 6, 2017 09:45
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:
https://youtu.be/JlfWbxZZ7sE
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Nov 6, 2017 12:01
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In other news, the fifth graders have renamed Israel Kamakawiwo'ole "the magic fat man." They're not wrong, frankly.
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Nov 9, 2017 16:46
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I've been substitute teaching for a few months now and I hear some things, man. Literally every day I get questions or comments about how short I am or how young I look from the kids, I'm used to that. The kids always ask if I'm a teenager or if I'm "a real adult". Every once in a while I get something completely out of nowhere about my appearance, though. A few weeks back, a kindergartner asked me "Why are you SO white?". Threw me off, especially since the girl was black so I thought she was asking me some deep question about race and I had no idea how to respond, until I realized she probably meant "white" as in "pale" since I'm pasty as a basement dwelling nerd. I think I just shrugged and said I don't know a few days later it was Halloween and I was subbing for a 5th grade class. I wanted to dress for the holiday but I was worried I'd get mistaken for a student if I wore a costume so I just wore a tacky Halloween sweater and a cat ear handband. I overheard the kids in the hallway talking about me before they came in, just leaning in to peek at me and whispering. "She looks like an Asian youtuber!" "Is she Asian?" "I don't know but she has cat ears so maybe" what does that meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeanToday a 4th grade girl kept saying she was going to take me home with her and "see you tomorrow!" even though I told her I'm working at a different school tomorrow...  Also I got lost because it was my first time in the building and every staff member I asked for directions thought I was a new student.
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Nov 14, 2017 20:55
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Pasketti posted:I've been substitute teaching for a few months now and I hear some things, man. when you start getting around 40 its somewhat entertaining to get accused of having a fake id.
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Nov 14, 2017 21:59
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"YOU AREN'T WHISTLING, YOU ARE BAD WHISTLING!" I whistle with my tongue close to the roof of my mouth. Not sure where I picked it up.
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Nov 14, 2017 22:05
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