/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Vargatron: Apr 19, 2008; MRAZZLE DAZZLE

We live in an age where "relationship cost" is a thing, so it makes sense that this gentleman is trying to quantify his relationship in monetary terms.

# ? Oct 24, 2017 16:10

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# ? May 30, 2024 20:42

ranbo das: Oct 16, 2013

True capitalism would be saying "I absolutely won't dredge up terrible, damaging human trauma for less than double what you're offering" and then haggling with them to ensure maximum financial gain.

# ? Oct 24, 2017 16:13

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

ranbo das posted:

True capitalism would be saying "I absolutely won't dredge up terrible, damaging human trauma for less than double what you're offering" and then haggling with them to ensure maximum financial gain.

pro response:
"if you don't pay me double, i will hire a journalism student to do an interview and send the tape to wikileaks to tank demand for your documentary"

# ? Oct 24, 2017 16:21

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Pac-Manioc Root posted:

How bad is capitalism and that I look at that and think "look lady it's one day of dredging up terrible, damaging human trauma in order to live debt-free; just do the needful?"

I mean, same.

# ? Oct 24, 2017 16:22

Ouhei: Oct 23, 2008; Cat Army

Yeah, I mean I don't know their situation or anything...but I'd totally be willing to sit down for a few hours to talk about poo poo I really don't want to if it meant I could pay off a mortgage and then some...if her siblings are already doing it it's not like people wouldn't be able to easily trace it back to her anyways if that's her concern? Like once that thing is released it's going to come back up anyways, may as well get your cut?

It's ultimately her choice though...

# ? Oct 24, 2017 16:30

Yawgmoth: Sep 10, 2003; This post is cursed!

Doc Hawkins posted:

Wow, that sucks. What is wrong with this guy that he can't see how painful th...

ARE YOU loving KIDDING ME GET ON THAT poo poo

My exact reaction, in order. Good god, I don't like my dad either but for that kinda scratch I'll tell you every single thing I can remember about him.

# ? Oct 24, 2017 16:35

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

Like, the idealist answer is of course "you can't put a price on your mental health and emotional well-being, and shame on hubby for asking," but you can. Of course you can. Every day we get up and sell our labor, fake our emotions, do what we must.

Everything is transactional here in the nightmarish heckscape of terminal-stage capitalism. Everything is for sale. And it sounds like all things considered the offer on the table is pretty solid. Try to frame it in your damaged psyche as "something good coming for my family out of the bad thing my father did."

# ? Oct 24, 2017 16:36

The Walrus: Jul 9, 2002; by Fluffdaddy

Front page of imgur. If this is legit its pretty good.

https://imgur.com/gallery/jtLU5

# ? Oct 24, 2017 16:49

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

And then everyone stood up and clapped for Marine Todd

# ? Oct 24, 2017 16:52

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

The Walrus posted:

Front page of imgur. If this is legit its pretty good.

https://imgur.com/gallery/jtLU5

Look I know we like to keep kayfabe and willingly suspend disbelief, but This Did Not Happen, and LOL if you think a recruiter trying to make numbers is going to care about some second hand report of yet another dependapotamus going astray on her man, when he's a recruit on the line and ready to be reeled in, cleaned, and smoked.

also:

# ? Oct 24, 2017 16:57

sincx: Jul 13, 2012; furiously masturbating to anime titties

Danaru posted:

New HOA management doubled the fees, also a 50% discount if you tithe to a specific church.

Apparently because the brochure mentions they'll let other religions tithe to the church for the same discount, this may very well be legal

Lmao. If the homeowner sues she'll win. This is racketeering, and also a fair housing act violation (religion is a protect class and it's religious discrimination because the homeowners have to donate to a specific religion). If I was them, I'd file in federal court, not state, to avoid crap local Southern judges.

sincx fucked around with this message at 17:07 on Oct 24, 2017

# ? Oct 24, 2017 17:03

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Danaru posted:

New HOA management doubled the fees, also a 50% discount if you tithe to a specific church.

Apparently because the brochure mentions they'll let other religions tithe to the church for the same discount, this may very well be legal

Somewhere, a young attorney gets a massive (lady)boner and he/she doesn't know why.

# ? Oct 24, 2017 17:05

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

The Walrus posted:

Front page of imgur. If this is legit its pretty good.

https://imgur.com/gallery/jtLU5

Even if this story wasn't super fake the Mary sue should be more upset with the cheating wife than the guy.

# ? Oct 24, 2017 17:53

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Brother's [28M] pregnant girlfriend [24F] has a problem with the name I [40F] chose for my new dog. I offered to change the name but they are just giving me the silent treatment now.

quote:

Hi Reddit, I need some advice for a truly bizarre situation. I have two dogs and i recently got another puppy. They have names which can be considered "human" names too. I named them "Charlie" "Tony" and the puppy as "Finn". About 2 weeks ago I took loads of pictures of Finn and introduced him on social media with just a very simple "Meet Finn, newest addition to my family" caption to go along with the pictures. After that I got a call from my brother's girlfriend and she was crying and saying I completely disrespected her baby's name. I didn't understand what she was saying so i called my brother and he explained to me that they wanted to name their baby "Finn" and that his girlfriend has an emotional attachment to that name. Both her dad and half sibling shared that name and both of them passed away pretty young. She has known for a very long time that she wanted to name one of her children as Finn and I beat her to it apparently. I didn't know all of this and if I had i would have chosen something else. I'm not super attached to the name and if it means so much to her then I'm willing to change it and I told my brother that. He said that its too late to change it since I already posted it on social media and disrespected the name by calling it a dogs name. I asked him what i should do and he said he will talk to his girlfriend.

Since then it has been radio silence from them. I've tried calling them but it goes to voicemail and now my mother says his girlfriend doesn't want me at the baby shower (which I planned). I was supposed to host the shower since my house is big and spacious enough but I passed that to my mum instead. I don't feel comfortable hosting something that I'm not even invited to. This has caused another problem. My mum says she's taking this as another slight against her. His girlfriend also posted this on her social media: "Why do some bitches name their pets human names? A dog is a dog. It's not a kid. " which is probably referring to me. I was really surprised at that to be honest. We had a pretty normal friendship before she got pregnant and she has met and loved my dogs. It's like she's done a complete 180 in personality. I'm sure she's really hormonal right now as she's 7 months pregnant and that may be why she's acting so immature and rude. My question is what should I do about this and about the baby shower situation?

tl;dr: Named my new puppy and introduced him on social media with that name. Brothers girlfriend has a strong attachment to that name and thought I disrespected the name by giving it a my dog. Both are giving me the silent treatment now & his girlfriend even said she doesn't want me at the baby shower (which I planned and was going to host). I decided to let my mum host it instead and his girlfriend is treating that as a slight against her as well.

# ? Oct 24, 2017 18:28

Multilake: Dec 11, 2016; If you're in a jam, a crayon scrunched under your nose makes a good pretend moustache.

The Walrus posted:

Front page of imgur. If this is legit its pretty good.

https://imgur.com/gallery/jtLU5

I want it to be legit, thats for sure :allears:

# ? Oct 24, 2017 18:28

bamhand: Apr 15, 2010

fruit on the bottom posted:

Brother's [28M] pregnant girlfriend [24F] has a problem with the name I [40F] chose for my new dog. I offered to change the name but they are just giving me the silent treatment now.

Just name the dog after the girlfriend. Problem solved.

# ? Oct 24, 2017 18:36

Jack-Off Lantern: Mar 2, 2012

Call the Baby Finn the Human

# ? Oct 24, 2017 18:39

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

fruit on the bottom posted:

Brother's [28M] pregnant girlfriend [24F] has a problem with the name I [40F] chose for my new dog. I offered to change the name but they are just giving me the silent treatment now.

Someone holding you responsible for offending them over something you had absolutely no way of knowing about is the height of attention-seeking behavior. I agree with the "rename the dog after her" idea.

# ? Oct 24, 2017 18:39

Buzkashi: Feb 4, 2003; College Slice

Jack-Off Lantern posted:

Call the Baby Finn the Human

Yeah, change the dog's name to Jake and at least you know they'll be best friends regardless of what the girlfriend thinks

# ? Oct 24, 2017 18:40

Ride The Gravitron: May 2, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

fruit on the bottom posted:

Brother's [28M] pregnant girlfriend [24F] has a problem with the name I [40F] chose for my new dog. I offered to change the name but they are just giving me the silent treatment now.

Start calling the baby "human Finn" to really drive in the point.

# ? Oct 24, 2017 18:40

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

fruit on the bottom posted:

Brother's [28M] pregnant girlfriend [24F] has a problem with the name I [40F] chose for my new dog. I offered to change the name but they are just giving me the silent treatment now.

Who names a baby after a star war?

# ? Oct 24, 2017 18:43

mojo1701a: Oct 9, 2008; Oh, yeah. Loud and clear. Emphasis on LOUD!
~ David Lee Roth

Ride The Gravitron posted:

Start calling the baby "human Finn" to really drive in the point.

"Good Finn" would be a better one. "G.F." for short.

# ? Oct 24, 2017 18:43

Ride The Gravitron: May 2, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

mojo1701a posted:

"Good Finn" would be a better one. "G.F." for short.

Good Finn is obviously the dog though

# ? Oct 24, 2017 18:44

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Pac-Manioc Root posted:

Who names a baby after a star war?

could also be a reference to Huck Finn (99% its a star war)

# ? Oct 24, 2017 18:46

Vargatron: Apr 19, 2008; MRAZZLE DAZZLE

Ride The Gravitron posted:

Good Finn is obviously the dog though

Most certainly.

# ? Oct 24, 2017 18:46

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

LadyPictureShow posted:

I hope I'm not a weirdo for not thinking there's anything gross or incest-y about the situation. Sure their parents got married, but it's not like they got together when their respective children were grade schoolers and all lived in the same house for over a decade.

It's kinda borderline for me. If the kids had been a few years older when they met I'd have just laughed at the mom but they met juuuuust young enough to be weirding me out a bit. I'd still put the mom's problems mostly on herself, though.

# ? Oct 24, 2017 18:50

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Look, you�ve only got a couple years at the start for the Westermarck Effect. After that your step kids are gonna gently caress based on my extensive research on the subject.

# ? Oct 24, 2017 18:54

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

tfw when you're on a boring family trip but you get to bang your hot stepsister that night :3:

# ? Oct 24, 2017 18:55

Yawgmoth: Sep 10, 2003; This post is cursed!

Ham Sandwiches posted:

tfw when you're on a boring family trip but you get to bang your hot stepsister that night

Dear Penthouse,

I never thought it would happen to me, but

# ? Oct 24, 2017 18:57

Doggles: Apr 22, 2007

Should I [30m] tell my girlfriend [29f] of three years that our hookup the night we met wasn't really consensual?

quote:

Hey. Sorry for the throwaway, I don't want this attached to my main account for obvious reasons.

I've been dating "Jessica" for about three years now. She moved in with me last year. We have the normal ups and downs for a relationship, but we're generally pretty happy.

When Jessica tells the story of when we met, one of her favorite things to say is "I followed him home!" She thinks it's cute or something. For years, she's always told the story the same way.

The problem is, I didn't want her to come home with me.

I really liked her that night, no doubt. We met in one of the most random ways possible (I don't want to get too far into it, but it wasn't an app or anything) and went with a couple of my friends and a couple of her friends to a bar.

I hadn't eaten all day, but I'd been drinking. A lot. And I am a big man, but I was very very drunk. Way past the point of being able to consent, or even really intelligently communicate.

But she literally followed me home, and took my keys and let herself in. She was really cool, and I liked her, but she just kind of assumed I consented, I guess. I didn't really put up a fight? I really couldn't have, I don't think. I was very drunk.

When she tells that story, I feel all the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. But if I told her my feelings, I don't think she would take it very well. She's been a victim in the past, too.

Is it worth telling her this, three years later?

tl;dr: girlfriend very literally followed me home the first night we met and now thinks it's a cute story. I wasn't into it and it always makes me feel uncomfortable when she tells it.

# ? Oct 24, 2017 19:00

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Doggles posted:

Should I [30m] tell my girlfriend [29f] of three years that our hookup the night we met wasn't really consensual?

If you didn't like it why not say something at the time or right after be like "Yeah thats cool but I get fatal attraction vibes"

but imagine carrying that poo poo around like "Maybe I was a semi victim because this girl could see I was into her and was proactive and I totally liked it and now she tells people about it"

2017 is a hell of a year

# ? Oct 24, 2017 19:04

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Let�s see what the bright minds at Reddit ha�

quote:

Are you implying you were sexually assaulted? Then why are you in a relationship with her? It makes zero sense. Don't say anything. You'll just create a shitload of unnecessary drama.

Uh... ok. Let�s try that again.

quote:

You should have a sit down about it, yeah.

If you want to take advice from the other thread going on right now, call her a rapist and break up with her immediately.

There we go.

# ? Oct 24, 2017 19:05

30 Goddamned Dicks: Sep 8, 2010; I will leave you to flounder in your cesspool of primeval soup, you sad, lonely, little cowards.; Fun Shoe

Ham Sandwiches posted:

If you didn't like it why not say something at the time or right after be like "Yeah thats cool but I get fatal attraction vibes"

but imagine carrying that poo poo around like "Maybe I was a semi victim because this girl could see I was into her and was proactive and I totally liked it and now she tells people about it"

2017 is a hell of a year

Pretty sure by 2017 we should all understand that being hellah loving drunk is a vulnerable state and taking advantage of someone while they�re in that state, even if it�s something that they�d probably be on board with when 100% sober, is Not OK. �Taking advantage of� here can be anything from �have sex with� to �convince to quit their job� to �convince to eat that entire pizza because it�d be funny�.

Errybody in here hates the �It was just a prank bro!� bullshit; this is exactly like pulling a prank on someone except instead of deceitful intent you just hit em up when they�re too drunk to comprehend what�s going on.

# ? Oct 24, 2017 19:10

Patrick Spens: Jul 21, 2006; "Every quarterback says they've got guts, But how many have actually seen 'em?"; Pillbug

Am I [27F] wrong to be mad at my mom [55F] for finding happiness?

quote:

My mom was raised in a conservative Christian family, and was always taught that being gay was a sin. While my dad was raised somewhat similarly, his parents never had the outright "gay is bad" mantra that my mom's parents did, so he was sort of indoctrinated by my mom. After I was born, my mom tried to raise me and my sister up how she was, telling us that being gay was a sin, and if we were gay, we'd never get into heaven.

It scared the poo poo out of my sister, but I wasn't so convinced. While I listened to my mom at times, I indulged my "urges", as she would call them. I started making out with close girl friends of mine in freshman year, and it escalated. Overall, I got sloppy, and got caught in my junior year by my mom. She was furious, and we had a verbal throwdown. It was about to get physical, but my dad asked me to pack an overnight bag and stay with a friend while he tried to calm my mom down.

I stayed with that friend for a week, and when I came home, my mom wanted nothing to do with me. She was so upset that she would just walk around the house, and burst into tears at random points. My dad told me that I had deeply betrayed the family's trust, and they wanted me to be "healed." While they never got me in with an actual conversion therapist, I did see a therapist who specialized in "sexuality issues." Meaning, they tried their drat hardest to convince me I was just confused.

While it was less abusive than conversion therapy, I still felt lovely, and my parents didn't seem to care. My mom would sob if I came home still gay, and my dad would go take long smoke breaks on the back porch. Even my sister made me a get well card, but wouldn't touch me because she was afraid of catching "my disease." After a while, I just wanted things to be normal, so I put up posters of boys in my room, and acted as straight as possible.

Then, I went to college, lied through my teeth that I wasn't seeing any girls, and graduated somewhat happily. I had to come home for a while because I was broke as hell, and my mom was ecstatic. While I was home, I cycled through boys from my high school to serve as my fake boyfriends, and my parents never caught on. I was lucky enough to leave after six months, and my mom told me that she was glad that I had changed, and gave me my grandmother's rosary. It was her most prized possession, and even though the sentiment behind it sucked, I cried like a baby.

After my mom gave me the rosary, her marriage with my dad started to get a little rocky. I tried to be supportive, but I knew that they were headed down a bad path. But, my folks got into therapy, and came out stronger than ever, until last year. My mom started going on more "work trips" and was coming back later and later. My dad was calling me at random points in the day, telling me how tired he was of the downhill slide they were on. I told him that I was going to be okay if they got divorced, and he grumbled about how it wasn't that easy, and hung up.

Last week, my mom asked me to come over for the weekend (I live about 50 miles away). She said it was important, and when I came, the house was very somber. My parents tried to make it fun, but I knew the big divorce conversation was coming up. Dinner was silent and weird, until my mom stood up and told everyone that she had a confession to make. I expected her to say that she and my dad were getting a divorce, plain and simple.

Instead, she told us all she was gay. She had known for years, and had actually given me the rosary because it made her feel confused about her spirituality and her sexuality, and she felt she had more room to be herself without it. When she told my dad, they started fighting, and the therapy they sought out was actually the same type I went to as a teenager. After that, my mom had gotten better at hiding her gay, but it didn't work, and her "work trips" were little rendezvous to visit girlfriends she'd met online. My dad had known about the affairs, and they were in the process of becoming legally separated. However, they were worried about the stigma, and kept procrastinating about it.

While my sister was very weepy at first, she's slowly coming to terms with it. My dad supports my mom, telling her that she always had a friend in him. I'm the only one who's actually mad. She ruined my teenage years, all because she was confused about herself. I was so upset that I became physically sick, and drove myself home, even when my mom insisted I spend the night.

Is it wrong to be angry? How can I get over this? I know my mom doesn't deserve my hatred and anger, I know she just wants to be happy and that she was confused, but I feel angry now, and I don't want to be. What can I do? Are my feelings valid?

TL;DR My mom tried to pray my gay away, but is now gay herself and I'm angry. How do I not feel angry?

# ? Oct 24, 2017 19:11

Owlbear Camus: Jan 3, 2013; Maybe this guy that flies is just sort of passing through, you know?

At a minimum mom gay; so what owes her a mountain of apologizin' to start making things right.

# ? Oct 24, 2017 19:15

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Patrick Spens posted:

Am I [27F] wrong to be mad at my mom [55F] for finding happiness?

Sucks to be you champ, but yeah you dont owe her a got drat thing if she shows no regrets over her actions to you.

# ? Oct 24, 2017 19:15

Bunni-kat: May 25, 2010; Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?

Patrick Spens posted:

Am I [27F] wrong to be mad at my mom [55F] for finding happiness?

Be angry.

# ? Oct 24, 2017 19:18

Who What Now: Sep 10, 2006; by Azathoth

Ham Sandwiches posted:

If you didn't like it why not say something at the time or right after be like "Yeah thats cool but I get fatal attraction vibes"

but imagine carrying that poo poo around like "Maybe I was a semi victim because this girl could see I was into her and was proactive and I totally liked it and now she tells people about it"

2017 is a hell of a year

Yeah, I mean, who ever heard of a victim being frightened or embarrassed and not speaking up right away? That's just crazy!

# ? Oct 24, 2017 19:18

Ouhei: Oct 23, 2008; Cat Army

Who What Now posted:

Yeah, I mean, who ever heard of a victim being frightened or embarrassed and not speaking up right away? That's just crazy!

That's still a weird rear end story though...these situations don't usually continue on with them being in a committed (presumably, happy) relationship for 3 years.

It sounds like she legit has no idea he feels like that about their first hookup by the way she seems so excited when she tells the story...if he's uncomfortable with how it started I don't know how that doesn't creep up in other parts of their relationship TBH, but if it's an issue for him he should talk to her about it because you should always talk about any issue you're having in a relationship.

# ? Oct 24, 2017 19:23

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# ? May 30, 2024 20:42

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

If the dude still reacts to that memory as strongly as he describes to this day then yeah, he should tell his gf what happened. Not scream rape and break up as he seems to be happy but walking around with unresolved baggage like that in silence is not good for him.

# ? Oct 24, 2017 19:25

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