Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

What even IS time man? :350:

# ? Oct 28, 2017 00:00

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# ? May 11, 2024 07:26

DivineCoffeeBinge: Mar 3, 2011; Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company

loquacius posted:

You gotta wonder why metric-system zealots don't spend more time lobbying to change our horrible antiquated calendar to something more logical, really

The French Revolution tried. It didn't work out so well.

That's why the date of this post isn't given as 6 Brumaire CCXXVI

# ? Oct 28, 2017 01:01

SniperWoreConverse: Mar 20, 2010; Gun Saliva

RFC2324 posted:

I've seen people advocating to change over to Julian Day Number before. (current date in JDN is 2458052.77778)

Also, my car uses both metric and SAE bolts, depending on where it is. The engine is metric, but working on the body is in SAE.

Imo we're not ready for stardates

# ? Oct 28, 2017 01:30

Il Federale: Oct 10, 2012

fruit on the bottom posted:

Why, does it block your view?

# ? Oct 28, 2017 03:20

Jastiger: Oct 11, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

fruit on the bottom posted:

Why, does it block your view?

View of what? Whisky?

# ? Oct 28, 2017 05:58

wesleywillis: Dec 30, 2016; SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!

Does anybody really know what time it is?

Metric sucks. Or imperial sucks, whatever.

Loquacious, please repost puppet master goon's confession that he said was ignored, that way we can lift the derail curse that is plaguing this thread. We beg of you.

# ? Oct 28, 2017 16:37

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

limp_cheese posted:

What even IS time man?

This movie was fun. https://youtu.be/FiKcyYEInf8

# ? Oct 28, 2017 16:54

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

wesleywillis posted:

Does anybody really know what time it is?

Metric sucks. Or imperial sucks, whatever.

Loquacious, please repost puppet master goon's confession that he said was ignored, that way we can lift the derail curse that is plaguing this thread. We beg of you.

Eh, you can if you want. In the meantime I'll just post some content.

It's threesome day this Saturday in the fesh thread

quote:

This drat thing ate a longer post so I'll keep it short and bother typing it again if anyone actually cares

I had a 3some with my GF and a lady I know this weekend that went off without any drama and will have a repeat performance. I know this is crazy for some people to hear but it can be done, it is not my GF & I's first time either. Shockingly we're not super fat disgusting nerds, only like 15lbs middle aged fat.

The crazy part is I'm flying out this weekend to see my friend I met playing WoW and her husband for more sexcapades. They're doing the "middle class married couple who's kids have moved out so its time to scratch our itches" dance for those of you familiar with it. I've known them for a decade now and she knows I'm a freak, so when hubby decided he wants some guy fun they buzzed me right up. Little nervous as this will be their first time doing anything like this and who knows what feelings spawn up even when people think they want something. So this one may yet turn into the typical 3some story we all love to laugh at.

Have fun, good luck

quote:

My life has gone from the worst to the best, and I have no idea how it got this way.

I have been dealing with crippling depression since I was 5. I have gone through the worst poo poo imaginable, been shot, stabbed, jumped, broken multiple bones, my mother and father abandoned me at 12, and worst. If you had told me what the point of living was a week ago, I would have said there was none. I legit believed it too, at the time I was trying to just finish up a few video games so that I wouldn't have any regrets when I finally "did the deed." There was so much going wrong, I didn't have food, and I was on my last unemployment check. I have been eating Top Ramen for breakfast lunch and dinner for like, the last 2 months.

Then all at once like watershed, my life took an upturn. I got my obamacare and was able to get anti-depressants, my dream job called me back and said that I was not only the most Qualified candidate for my position, but they were offering me a 10% extra signing bonus (I'm not good with corp-lingo) if I signed a 2 year contract, and this third chick both me and my girlfriend have known since elementary school admitted she loved us both, and now we're in a committed three way relationship.

I got to gently caress 2 girls last night SA. I got to be happy, and I got to feel appreciated in my field. The confession here is that if there are suicidal goons out there, just keep holding out hope and keep trying eventually it'll get better. Also, about the threesome, AMA, I'm loving stoked guys, this is amazing, and they're both my best friends, I love them both so much.

poo poo, I gotta go to church on Sunday, because obviously there's someone out there looking out for me!

I'm glad your antidepressants have kicked in so quickly, honestly, because if you had multiple people in your life who loved you last week and the only thing keeping you alive was wanting to finish some video games there must have been some work for them to do.

Basically if this is true, I'm glad you're doing better, and if not, keep dreaming that dream

# ? Oct 28, 2017 17:27

Turtlicious: Sep 17, 2012; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

I know some psychiatrists will pair anti depressants with adderall to get you fixed up quick, combine that with a threesome, and yeah I could see it lmao. Three some goons, how many of you are there? Jfc.

# ? Oct 28, 2017 20:44

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

Maybe don't go to church and thank God for The Awesome Threesome.

# ? Oct 28, 2017 21:00

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

blarzgh posted:

Maybe don't go to church and thank God for The Awesome Threesome.

Yeah, that was obvs satan's work

# ? Oct 28, 2017 22:13

Jastiger: Oct 11, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

See told you guys. Always sex the other girl it works out

# ? Oct 28, 2017 22:24

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

It's never once worked out for me. :mad:

# ? Oct 28, 2017 23:51

8 Ball: Nov 27, 2010; My hands are all messed up so you better post, brother.

Thank you anon for this exciting opportunity to ask you about your threesome

# ? Oct 29, 2017 14:14

GOTTA STAY FAI: Mar 24, 2005; ~no glitter in the gutter~
~no twilight galaxy~; College Slice

Turtlicious posted:

I know some psychiatrists will pair anti depressants with adderall to get you fixed up quick, combine that with a threesome, and yeah I could see it lmao. Three some goons, how many of you are there? Jfc.

These two 'fessions were fake as gently caress but holy poo poo what a kick to your already-bruised ego to be prescribed something that saps your sex drive and something that makes your junk non-functional

# ? Oct 30, 2017 19:40

facebook jihad: Dec 18, 2007; by R. Guyovich

GOTTA STAY FAI posted:

These two 'fessions were fake as gently caress but holy poo poo what a kick to your already-bruised ego to be prescribed something that saps your sex drive and something that makes your junk non-functional

Meh. Loss in libido seems to occur with most anti-depressants anyway so you�re just getting started early on the freedom of not giving a poo poo about sex.

# ? Oct 30, 2017 19:58

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

I'd get depressed about my dick not working.

# ? Oct 30, 2017 19:59

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

But I'm strong like bull so I'm not projecting or anything.

Totally.

# ? Oct 30, 2017 20:00

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

When I was 16 I had a sexual relationship with my chemistry teacher. She was attractive and I was a horny fern so I thought it was perfect. It wasn�t.

I ended it when the summer hit because I couldn�t see how to continue it. She started showing up at my parents house during the day when I was home with my little sister. I freaked out and said we�d get caught, she didn�t care. 4 or 5 times we had sex in my bedroom.

I went to college and told her again it was time to end things. She showed up outside my dorm the first weekend, claiming she was my mom so she could visit. We had sex. It was weird that time and I felt scared.

She kept showing up at random times and eventually my brain won out and I called campus police. She was escorted away but ended up sneaking back on to campus the following night. I know this because she broke into my dorm with a knife.

I woke up to her, nude, laying in bed next to me. She held the knife against my back and told me to go back to sleep. I have never been so terrified in my life and pretended to sleep.

She fell asleep and I was able to push her out of her bed and pin her down. She slashed me a few times but I wrestled the knife away and finally kicked it away. The commotion got my RA and she was arrested.

That was 8 years ago and she�s still in jail. She sends me letters about once a month, back to my parents house. They just throw them away now but the first few all had verbose apologies and crude drawings of the sex acts she wanted to perform with me.

I also haven�t had sex, had a girlfriend, or even been on a date since then. I have extremely unhealthy views on love and sex they both scare me) and it�s entirely her fault.

So every time somebody posts �Nice!� after a little boy is raped I die a little inside.

quote:

I honestly think Anchorman 2 is the funniest movie ever made. But nobody agrees and in fact many hate this movie.

I laugh constantly at the film each time I see it, especially the big fight scene. My favorite part is the ghost and Minotaur backing up Liam Neeson and the history channel. Absurdist comedy at its finest. Plus so many celebrities! I have seen the movie 70-75 times (conservatively) and it just gets better.

The first one was okay but the 2nd is much better and I don�t know why it�s mostly reviled.

I�ve watched other �highly recommended� comedies and they range from unfunny (Blues Brothers) to boring (Ghostbusters) to too preachy (Spinal Tap).

My greatest hope is this movie gets a Renaissance in a few years do I can buy merchandise for it (shirts, pop figures, posters, etc) and really soak in the fandom.

I�m watching it right now I�m fact

This is probably a troll fesh because I'm not sure what Spinal Tap could possibly be considered preachy about :confused:

Yeah though I'm fairly obsessed with O Brother Where Art Thou and nobody else seems to get it

# ? Oct 30, 2017 20:06

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

Not Another Teen Movie is Modern Comedy's Magnum Opus.

# ? Oct 30, 2017 20:08

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

quote:

When I was 16 I had a sexual relationship with my chemistry teacher. She was attractive and I was a horny fern so I thought it was perfect. It wasn’t.

I ended it when the summer hit because I couldn’t see how to continue it. She started showing up at my parents house during the day when I was home with my little sister. I freaked out and said we’d get caught, she didn’t care. 4 or 5 times we had sex in my bedroom.

I went to college and told her again it was time to end things. She showed up outside my dorm the first weekend, claiming she was my mom so she could visit. We had sex. It was weird that time and I felt scared.

She kept showing up at random times and eventually my brain won out and I called campus police. She was escorted away but ended up sneaking back on to campus the following night. I know this because she broke into my dorm with a knife.

I woke up to her, nude, laying in bed next to me. She held the knife against my back and told me to go back to sleep. I have never been so terrified in my life and pretended to sleep.

She fell asleep and I was able to push her out of her bed and pin her down. She slashed me a few times but I wrestled the knife away and finally kicked it away. The commotion got my RA and she was arrested.

That was 8 years ago and she’s still in jail. She sends me letters about once a month, back to my parents house. They just throw them away now but the first few all had verbose apologies and crude drawings of the sex acts she wanted to perform with me.

I also haven’t had sex, had a girlfriend, or even been on a date since then. I have extremely unhealthy views on love and sex they both scare me) and it’s entirely her fault.

So every time somebody posts “Nice!” after a little boy is raped I die a little inside.

Nice

# ? Oct 30, 2017 20:14

spinderella: Jul 15, 2017; by FactsAreUseless

Anchorman 2s fight scene is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. When Tim Robbins showed up with the PBSfro I started screaming with joy the first time I saw it. I love him.

# ? Oct 30, 2017 20:18

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

loquacius posted:

This is probably a troll fesh because I'm not sure what Spinal Tap could possibly be considered preachy about

Yeah though I'm fairly obsessed with O Brother Where Art Thou and nobody else seems to get it

pretending bad movies are good is a fun troll

i once called a big fancy theater to ask to pre-order tickets to pall blart in imax.

the guy seemed really confused and was like "uhhh, we're not doing an imax showing of that..."

so then i was like "oh drat, i guess i'll just preorder some watchmen tickets instead"

# ? Oct 30, 2017 20:19

therattle: Jul 24, 2007; Soiled Meat

loquacius posted:

This is probably a troll fesh because I'm not sure what Spinal Tap could possibly be considered preachy about

Yeah though I'm fairly obsessed with O Brother Where Art Thou and nobody else seems to get it

O Brother is generally liked and well-regarded, I thought? "He turned into a....a... horny toad!"
I often think of "some of your folding money's come unstowed, friend"

# ? Oct 30, 2017 20:35

facebook jihad: Dec 18, 2007; by R. Guyovich

Nice! Goon:

Yeah you were young and dumb but you were playing with fire there. If a teacher is willing to gently caress one of his/her students they have broken brains up the wazoo. It�s a cool fantasy/porn plot but in reality good god run away fast.

Regardless that is a terrible situation and I�m sorry to hear that happened to you. Not all people are complete dumpster fires so I hope you find peace and happiness soon, and Maybe also a special someone.

Regarding second fesh: I enjoyed suicide squad and don�t give a goddam. Yeah it has its flaws and is terribly written but I hold super hero movies to super low standards anyway so I knew what I was getting when I went to see it.

Harley Quinn was cool and good. Will Smith was cool and good. New Joker is cool and good. But yeah most of the rest of the movie is pretty bad.

Anyway my point is keep doing you.

# ? Oct 30, 2017 20:39

Nocheez: Sep 5, 2000; Can you spare a little cheddar?; Nap Ghost

We all have our lovely comedy films that we love. Mine is Robin Hood: Men in Tights. I know it's not a good movie, but I don't care because I enjoy it.

Goon who was raped by his teacher: don't you have a restraining order against her? She shouldn't be legally allowed to send you letters. Regardless, get some therapy and hopefully learn to have normal relationships

# ? Oct 30, 2017 20:40

Sagebrush: Feb 26, 2012

Solice Kirsk posted:

Nice

i'm glad someone else did it bc i wanted to but figured it was too crass

anyway, chem teacher goon, go and get therapy if you haven't already. 100% the best and healthiest thing you can do at this point. the therapist will help you come to believe that sex can be good and not every girl is going to be a pedophile rapist.

# ? Oct 30, 2017 20:40

RCarr: Dec 24, 2007

Nocheez posted:

We all have our lovely comedy films that we love. Mine is Robin Hood: Men in Tights. I know it's not a good movie

You're right, it's not a good movie. It's a great movie.

# ? Oct 30, 2017 20:41

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

loquacius posted:

Yeah though I'm fairly obsessed with O Brother Where Art Thou and nobody else seems to get it

This, but for me it's every Coen brothers movie

# ? Oct 30, 2017 20:42

half coke half diet: Feb 3, 2006; I fight for all those men who have their nuts in a vice grip

Fesh: Can't take any of these seriously due to mastermind goon.

Anchor2goon: You are wrong if you don't think Blues Brothers is hilarious.

# ? Oct 30, 2017 20:47

RFC2324: Jun 7, 2012; http 418

Sagebrush posted:

i'm glad someone else did it bc i wanted to but figured it was too crass

anyway, chem teacher goon, go and get therapy if you haven't already. 100% the best and healthiest thing you can do at this point. the therapist will help you come to believe that sex can be good and not every girl is going to be a pedophile rapist.

just remember not to gently caress the therapist

# ? Oct 30, 2017 20:50

got any sevens: Feb 9, 2013; by Cyrano4747

RFC2324 posted:

just remember not to gently caress the therapist

Unless she pulls a knife

# ? Oct 30, 2017 21:14

half coke half diet: Feb 3, 2006; I fight for all those men who have their nuts in a vice grip

got any sevens posted:

Unless she pulls a knife

or shows up in your bed nekkid

# ? Oct 30, 2017 21:29

maskenfreiheit: Dec 30, 2004

we haven't heard from therapy goon in a while, i'm a bit worried guys.

also, thinking about that story reminded me of someone i knew in grad school

i'd been waiting til the end of the semester to ask out this hottie from my stats class (cause hey, why risk making things weird?), who was doing a PsyD. but ran into her at a local bar with another guy from class.

so we start talking and they're like yeah we're dating and im like oh cool you met in stats?

and he's like no uh, she was the intake person at the free CBT clinic the school of psych runs.

(apparently they'd have students do the intake assessments then match you up with a "real" therapist?)

she ended up hating me because I joked that if you have to spend 2 minutes explaining why your relationship doesn't technically violate state law, it's still creepy

# ? Oct 30, 2017 22:01

Jastiger: Oct 11, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

Nice! Goon:

The problem wasnt you or the fact that she was a teacher. The problem was that she was already messed up. That was an adult assaulting another adult at the end there, not a teacher taking advantage of a kid.

Still, nice tho. You should deffo write her back, and stop being rude.

# ? Oct 30, 2017 22:59

Lote: Aug 5, 2001; Place your bets

blarzgh posted:

Not Another Teen Movie is Modern Comedy's Magnum Opus.

Truth.

The main character singing "Janie's got a gun" by Aerosmith as a love ballad scene gets me every time.

# ? Oct 30, 2017 23:08

Clockwerk: Apr 6, 2005

I'm sure therapy goon is fine

He's just figured out with help from his girlfriendapist that all of his close friends and family are actually not good people and he should distance himself from them before they drag him down and sa is a negative place that affects his psyche and is the reason he's depressed and has low self-esteem so he shouldn't post or spend time here. Fortunately, he has one person in his life who is the antithesis of all these things and will always be there for him and he can always trust and rely on wholly, forever and ever :gbsmith:

# ? Oct 31, 2017 02:59

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

Ha! Yup. That's almost 100% certainly what it is.

# ? Oct 31, 2017 03:20

Son of Man: Jan 29, 2003; by Azathoth

Jastiger posted:

Nice! Goon:

The problem wasnt you or the fact that she was a teacher. The problem was that she was already messed up. That was an adult assaulting another adult at the end there, not a teacher taking advantage of a kid.

Still, nice tho. You should deffo write her back, and stop being rude.

haha goddamn man

# ? Oct 31, 2017 04:41

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# ? May 11, 2024 07:26

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Clockwerk posted:

I'm sure therapy goon is fine

He's just figured out with help from his girlfriendapist that all of his close friends and family are actually not good people and he should distance himself from them before they drag him down and sa is a negative place that affects his psyche and is the reason he's depressed and has low self-esteem so he shouldn't post or spend time here. Fortunately, he has one person in his life who is the antithesis of all these things and will always be there for him and he can always trust and rely on wholly, forever and ever

nah, he ded

# ? Oct 31, 2017 05:42

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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