/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

She's in Maine. You could trap chipmunks, squirrels, raccoons, possums, foxes, you name it. Have you ever seen roadkill? There's not like buckets of blood in small dead animals.

# ? Nov 8, 2017 22:56

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# ? Jun 3, 2024 04:00

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Oh. I just assumed all organic beings were basically just water balloons filled with blood.

# ? Nov 8, 2017 22:57

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

No child of 15 years old goes anywhere without their phones, so the idea that he was alone in the woods with no way to photograph the evidence is what reassures me that this story was fake.

# ? Nov 8, 2017 22:59

Submarine Sandpaper: May 27, 2007

have you seen the lighting in wooded fury animal torture hideouts?

# ? Nov 8, 2017 23:00

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

also that was exactly how jeff dahmer got his start and the film about his early life came out a few days ago, starring some teen disney actor who a 15 year old would probably be aware of thus making it likely they would also be aware of the film

# ? Nov 8, 2017 23:01

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Can�t wait for the Jeffrey Dahmer Disney sitcom

# ? Nov 8, 2017 23:02

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

Anne Whateley posted:

She's in Maine. You could trap chipmunks, squirrels, raccoons, possums, foxes, you name it. Have you ever seen roadkill? There's not like buckets of blood in small dead animals.

I'm thinking most teenagers don't know the intricacies involved in trapping animals and/or have access to the traps.

# ? Nov 8, 2017 23:17

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Outrail posted:

I'm thinking most teenagers don't know the intricacies involved in trapping animals and/or have access to the traps.

if they're rural enough it's not out of the question. my mom trapped muskrats for the pelts in high school

# ? Nov 8, 2017 23:21

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

Outrail posted:

I'm thinking most teenagers don't know the intricacies involved in trapping animals and/or have access to the traps.

Maybe not millenials

# ? Nov 8, 2017 23:21

LGD: Sep 25, 2004

Outrail posted:

I'm thinking most teenagers don't know the intricacies involved in trapping animals and/or have access to the traps.

its true, it's just impossible to imagine how a millennial youth could find the materials to make a snare, deadfall or pit trap, or locate a source of instruction in how such things could be made (or where they can purchase commercial traps)

I mean its pretty likely a fakepost, but "textbook budding serial-killer sibling figures out how to trap woodland animals" is not remotely implausible

# ? Nov 8, 2017 23:30

timefly: Apr 29, 2008

On the other hand, there are apps showing you how to make traps and butcher/dress animals, so

# ? Nov 8, 2017 23:30

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

I said most, not all teenagers.

# ? Nov 8, 2017 23:32

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

#NotAllTeenagers

# ? Nov 8, 2017 23:33

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

Milotic posted:

Yeah, that too. The parents� reasons for this one is just weird.

I (15f) want to do Brazilian JiuJitsu and join my HS wrestling team. My mom (39f) and dad (40m) tell me that those don't fit our family values and won't pay or allow me to get the required sports physical. Do I have any options?

In the comments, apparently OP�s family don�t do sports, which seems sad.

From comments in this thread it sounds like "toxic masculinity" describes the sport of wrestling to a tee. I guess her best bet is whatever martial art teaches actual useful self-defense skills and isn't full of scammy, skeevy bullshit (I honestly have no idea if such a thing exists). Her parents might even be amenable if she phrases it that way.

# ? Nov 8, 2017 23:35

Lone Goat: Apr 16, 2003; When life gives you lemons, suplex those lemons.

I never got anally or otherwise penetrated in all the years of wrestling I did so maybe you and her dumb weiner parents need to get over yourselves??

# ? Nov 8, 2017 23:41

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

I meant the obsessive weight monitoring and "I had to quit because my coach was an rear end in a top hat" stories more so than the apocryphal booty-fingering rumors.

# ? Nov 8, 2017 23:43

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

Lone Goat posted:

I never got anally or otherwise penetrated in all the years of wrestling I did so maybe you and her dumb weiner parents need to get over yourselves??

Lol of course that is what you focus on.

# ? Nov 8, 2017 23:45

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Lone Goat posted:

I never got anally or otherwise penetrated in all the years of wrestling I did so maybe you and her dumb weiner parents need to get over yourselves??

Were you just not attractive enough to get a little mid-match fingering?

# ? Nov 8, 2017 23:50

Lone Goat: Apr 16, 2003; When life gives you lemons, suplex those lemons.

My coach wasn't a jackass and never forced me to cut more weight than I was comfortable with so my "weight cut" was go to practice like normal and be a little hungry for the one night before a tournament.

Like yeah it sucks that some people in this thread had shithead tiger coaches but if you go into it like it's a hobby and not life or death if you don't make regionals then it's plenty of fun.

Condolences on all of you turbo dweebs that have never Done A Sport.

# ? Nov 8, 2017 23:54

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

Lone Goat posted:

My coach wasn't a jackass and never forced me to cut more weight than I was comfortable with so my "weight cut" was go to practice like normal and be a little hungry for the one night before a tournament.

Like yeah it sucks that some people in this thread had shithead tiger coaches but if you go into it like it's a hobby and not life or death if you don't make regionals then it's plenty of fun.

Condolences on all of you turbo dweebs that have never Done A Sport.

I have done a sport and most of them are hosed up even if I didn't experience it.

Because I am not dumb enough to think personal anecdotes mean anything.

# ? Nov 8, 2017 23:56

welcome to hell: Jun 9, 2006

My (24M) friend (26M), feel like he is very depressed and has stopped caring for life since leaving the army, my fiancee (30F) gave me an ultimatum to stop seeing him over his bad hygiene

quote:

I met my friend whilst serving in the military around 2009, we have both since left. I went through college and started a career, now engaged to my fiancee, we have been together 2 years. My friend wasn't so lucky, we'll call him Ben.

Ben struggled to find work after leaving the military and was living with his parents for a long time. He was engaged to a girl but that didn't work out. He went off the radar in 2014 and I found out he was in jail for an 'online offence' (still never got to the bottom of that, Ben and his family won't talk about it, nothing on the internet either).

He got out in 2015 and is now working manual labour and has an apartment in our city, so I reached out on Facebook and introduced him to some of my friends. I was in the early stages of my relationship at the time and my fiancee has never liked Ben, she finds him too loud when he talks, not helped by the fact he stutters and rambles a lot and takes forever to get to the point. She has actively avoided Ben from day 1 and thinks he might be slightly on the spectrum.

As he was like a brother to me in my dark days I wouldn't turn my back on him, but I starting to think he's given up on his life and is beyond any help I can give.

Ben is now borderline obese, he was slim and buff when we served, he's got an enormous beer gut to the point he can't walk properly because his arms stick out

all he eats is takeout, carbs, candy and soda. It is not uncommon for him to go to mcdonald's for lunch and then get chinese food for dinner, for example

he has a loud hacking cough and gets so out of breath, I can see his health deteriorating

his apartment is a biohazard, he leaves uncooked meat or cheese on the counter overnight, and eats cooked chicken thats been on the table for a day

he doesn't seem to feel shame anymore, he doesn't wash his clothes or bedsheets properly, and he left a lovely buttplug on the bathroom floor and didn't care that I saw it

he doesn't dust or clean anything, ever

he smells so bad it's unbelievable. It hits you like a train. His teeth are yellow. when I've stayed over he won't brush unless prompted, his breath is rancid, greasy hair, unshaven, he doesn't exfoliate or wash properly, and being overweight isn't helping

he complains of pain and takes painkillers every day but seems oblivious to the fact this is caused by being fat

spends his money on video games and takeout but put off paying about $50 to renew a licence for months

he seems to have some sort of attention span problem; he's constantly playing on his phone even in company which is the main reason our friends gave up on him, he can't even wait for a video game to load he has to turn it back onto tv for a minute

I get very frustrated when we're watching a movie or having a beer and he's glued to his phone, makes me feel like he doesn't really want me there

makes so many excuses like 'it'll be easier to clean when I get in shape' despite him joining a gym in December 2016 and he still hasn't been once

So as you can imagine his apartment doesn't smell great, I stay over maybe once a week to keep him company. We had a deal, we cooked a three course dinner and had him round two weeks ago. We pulled out all the stops, got his favourite drinks in, set a table, candles, made all the food from scratch and he said he was going to do the same.

The dinner at his was a disaster, he didn't even offer us a drink I had to sort it out, he served a ready meal for starter and a pretty basic dish for main, and served a store bought cake for dessert but tried to tell us he'd made it from scratch. He hadn't laid the table. There were dirty clothes all over his apartment and half a turd in the toilet. My fiancee sat on the sofa and touched a dirty q tip. She ended up leaving during the meal because she called him out on his place stinking and he got defensive saying it's 'not that bad'.

So, I stayed over that night and when I came home my fiancee confronted me with a shirt she saved from last time I was at Ben's. I have to admit, it did smell very musty and bad, almost like a poop smell. That was just from being in the apartment. It's the same smell I smell on Ben.

So my fiancee has had enough, she says she is too embarrassed to go out in public with Ben how he is, and does not want me going to his apartment for anything more than a few hours because she points out that completely independent of her I would shower, wash my hair and put all my clothes in the hamper after coming back from Ben's apartment. She then said that, in fact, she doesn't want me being seen in public with Ben either and that I should be ashamed for people to see me with someone who is unwashed and stinky, and has accused me of having no pride. We are both extremely clean, our place is spotless and we have a strict cleaning schedule. I have found myself cleaning at Ben's before and he makes so much mess it doesn't last long.

I don't know where this leaves my friendship with Ben. I know the first suggestions are going to confront Ben, but he gets defensive and denies things or says 'it's not that bad' or 'I'll sort it next week'. He is quite sensitive and his life is hard enough as it is without his best friend telling him he's fat and smells, but I feel like something really, really bad is going on with him.

I haven't discussed the ultimatum with my fiancee at the moment but I have agreed she never has to go to Ben's apartment again, and for the time being I am having a bit of a break from Ben. This is not going to fly for very long because next weekend I am due to go for some drinks there.

What the hell do I do here? I love my fiancee and she's really laid-back about most other things and lets me have a lot of space, it's not like she's controlling. I can see her point about Ben but I'm not sure I can change his ways at 26 years old.

TL;DR ex army friend is now obese and living in squalor, girlfriend forbids me from being seen with him or staying at his place due to the smell, what do

# ? Nov 8, 2017 23:58

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

LGD posted:

its true, it's just impossible to imagine how a millennial youth could find the materials to make a snare, deadfall or pit trap, or locate a source of instruction in how such things could be made (or where they can purchase commercial traps)

I mean its pretty likely a fakepost, but "textbook budding serial-killer sibling figures out how to trap woodland animals" is not remotely implausible

Yeah that's what I think, it's probably fake, but if you actually are a budding serial killer who wants to make a trap/snare in the middle of the woods, five minutes on youtube would do it. Especially since you wouldn't care about making it a humane trap.

# ? Nov 9, 2017 00:05

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

welcome to hell posted:

My (24M) friend (26M), feel like he is very depressed and has stopped caring for life since leaving the army, my fiancee (30F) gave me an ultimatum to stop seeing him over his bad hygiene

fiance's ultimatum is harsh but the only thing you can really do is force people to confront reality if they're depressed to this point of self neglect. "buddy, i dont want to go over to your house because it smells like poo poo and it disgusts me, do you need help cleaning? do you want to talk about it?" is really all you can offer before you cut them loose and find out if they're going to drown or not

# ? Nov 9, 2017 00:08

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

If you want to hurt things why can�t you just boot up GTA like a normal person

# ? Nov 9, 2017 00:08

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

boner confessor posted:

fiance's ultimatum is harsh but the only thing you can really do is force people to confront reality if they're depressed to this point of self neglect. "buddy, i dont want to go over to your house because it smells like poo poo and it disgusts me, do you need help cleaning? do you want to talk about it?" is really all you can offer before you cut them loose and find out if they're going to drown or not

It�s not even really an ultimatum. She�s not saying he can never go over there or threatening to leave him over it.

# ? Nov 9, 2017 00:09

christmas boots: Oct 15, 2012; To these sing-alongs 🎤of siren 🧜🏻‍♀️songs
To oohs😮 to ahhs😱 to 👏big👏applause👏
With all of my 😡anger I scream🤬 and shout📢
🇺🇸America🦅, I love you 🥰but you're freaking 💦me 😳out; Biscuit Hider

my (17m) friend (17m) of 10 years stole over $1700 from our schools band fund raiser. My parents saw a text of me talking about it with him and demand I tell the school. I'm scared he will beat the crap out of me.

quote:

throwaway for very obvious reasons. I've been friends with Jayden (not his real name) for 10 years. We are kind of in what is called the "Chad" crowd at our school although I have lots of friends in all the groups. Jayden is like a wrestler MMA guy and he became a real bulky when he saw that made him more popular with girls last year. I try my best to distance myself from him but it doesn't always work because he is like the "key" to the popular and best looking girls.

Out school band has been having a long running fund raiser for uniforms. I have no idea how he did it but Jayden stole the money from the sponsors class room (I think, I honestly don't know). He texted me that he was so happy and said things like fat shaming, gay shaming---all stuff using derogatory terms about them not getting uniforms now. The school detective came and talked to all of us in the Chad group but no one said anything but the fact that he came straig to us means he knows more about what happened than Jayden wants to think

My deal with my parents is they pay for my iPhone but they get to look at it and if I delete texts it goes away so I never do. Once news of the money started to reach the parents they looked at my texts and there it was. My dad had a talk with me and said he wasn't going to say anything yet and was treating this as an oppurtinity to do the right thing in the face of real pressure. My mom gave me a similar speech. What they don't get is that I'm the only person Jayden told and he will literally beat the crap out of me (I mean maybe even worse, he's scary AF when he drinks or hangs out with his dealer friends) and I can't say anything. I'm even worried Jayden will hurt my parents, he's not afraid of anything.

What do I do?

tl;dr: Parents want me to tell on my friend for stealing money from our school band.

Edit: there�s a rumor going around School that two kids from band were arrested in the senior parking lot for stealing the money I have no idea what the hell is going on now.

Edit I dont know the rules of this sub but I guess I can't update or whatever from what I'm reading so I'll just do it here. things are crazy at the school today and this may even be on the news but the rumor going around is that two band people basically used Jayden as thier b_itch to steal the money from the sponsors room. They have been arrested and I guess Jayden took off from school the second he heard they were in trouble. The crazy thing is everyone is saying that Jayden has lost all his credibility because he was basically punked out by two band kids and I'm laughing my rear end off and don't even feel bad for him. I texted him but I didn't get the delivered message so I guess he turned off his phone. Its one of those things where I have no idea what the truth because everyone is talking and everyone has a different version of events is but Jayden's car was gone before lunch and I'm supposed to have 4th period with one of the kids who was arrested and he wasn't there. I also wasn't the only one that Jayden bragged too but from what some of the other band kids said that a total of $1735 was stolen and Jayden was such a prison punk about it he let the other two kid keep $1500 and he only got the rest. I'm dying laughing and feel so stupid for being afraid of him because no matter what he got punked out by two kids from band.

# ? Nov 9, 2017 00:12

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

I will not stand for this Chadificaiton of our nation's youth.

# ? Nov 9, 2017 00:24

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Anyone who buys into the whole chad narrative is definitely not a chad.

# ? Nov 9, 2017 00:28

Farmer Crack-Ass: Jan 2, 2001; this is me posting irl

fruit on the bottom posted:

my (17m) friend (17m) of 10 years stole over $1700 from our schools band fund raiser. My parents saw a text of me talking about it with him and demand I tell the school. I'm scared he will beat the crap out of me.

"I'm even worried Jayden will hurt my parents, he's not afraid of anything."

lol what a dumbass kid, if even real

# ? Nov 9, 2017 00:31

Shugojin: Sep 6, 2007; THE TAIL THAT BURNS TWICE AS BRIGHT...

Speaking of incel poo poo, incels has been banned from reddit :mmmhmm:

# ? Nov 9, 2017 00:33

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

Farmer Crack-rear end posted:

lol what a dumbass kid, if even real

Kids these days are scary, jacked up on their goofballs and whacked out on reefer.

# ? Nov 9, 2017 00:35

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

Shugojin posted:

Speaking of incel poo poo, incels has been banned from reddit

Never thought Reddit would turn into a another dead gay forum that quickly, but there ya go.

# ? Nov 9, 2017 00:36

Ride The Gravitron: May 2, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

welcome to hell posted:

My (24M) friend (26M), feel like he is very depressed and has stopped caring for life since leaving the army, my fiancee (30F) gave me an ultimatum to stop seeing him over his bad hygiene

I was thinking that maybe Ben could be helped but then I saw he's autistic. gently caress that leave the freak to die alone like it deserves

# ? Nov 9, 2017 00:43

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Shugojin posted:

Speaking of incel poo poo, incels has been banned from reddit

Can't wait for their screeching manifestos about how reddit is trampling on their freedom of speech and how this proves society is against them and dammit mom where are my chicken nuggets?

# ? Nov 9, 2017 00:53

timefly: Apr 29, 2008

That dude needs serious help. Like, he needs to go inpatient for starters

# ? Nov 9, 2017 01:00

blarzgh: Apr 14, 2009; SNITCHIN' RANDY; Grimey Drawer

CharlestheHammer posted:

I have done a sport and most of them are hosed up.

No they aren't, nerd.

# ? Nov 9, 2017 01:17

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

blarzgh posted:

No they aren't, nerd.

Yes they are nerd

# ? Nov 9, 2017 01:27

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

CharlestheHammer posted:

I have done a sport and most of them are hosed up even if I didn't experience it.

Because I am not dumb enough to think personal anecdotes mean anything.

Just because you got swirlied by the chess team for somehow being a bigger nerd than them, then swore to never bring your heart rate up for anything but being outraged at people not being progressive enough, does not make sports bad

Sports are in fact cool and good

# ? Nov 9, 2017 01:30

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Sports are cool and the insane poo poo people expect athletes to do for sports is bad.

These can both be true.

# ? Nov 9, 2017 01:34

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# ? Jun 3, 2024 04:00

CrazyLoon: Aug 10, 2015; "..."

Anne Whateley posted:

Don't get your hopes up, rapists don't attack using the official handbook of BJJ-approved moves

There's always this, and it works just as well with women as it does with men. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mosX7L25HV8

Don't take this too seriously, please - you can legit kill someone if you do

# ? Nov 9, 2017 01:39

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