quote:

I've been with my fiance for 4 years and we got engaged a few months ago.

She was never into social media, she only had facebook and she barely used it. After we got engaged and moved in together, she got Instagram a few weeks later to show off the ring to her friends. I've noticed so many changes in her since then.

1) She needs to take a picture of everything and she's always on her phone. It started off with food, then to selfies, then to "selfies" she'd set up (like changing all her clothes randomly in the day, grabbing a random book and taking a picture about her getting into reading). She asked me to go hiking the other day which was a surprise, since she was never a fan. We get there, I'm excited. First thing she does? Runs to the nicest areas, makes me take a few hundred pictures and then decides she wants to leave.

2) She can wear what she wants and I don't stop her. But it's aggravating when she suddenly takes 2 hours to do her makeup when she never took that long before. The overdone eyebrows, caked makeup, false lashes, putting makeup on her boobs to enhance them etc.. And we're just going to the loving grocery store. And the god drat tights and crop tops. She posts pictures of her rear end constantly. The other day she wore an expensive set of lingerie and took 3 hours taking pictures on our bed. She made me buy silk sheets previously for those photos and took them off as soon as she was done. I bought those because she told me "they're more comfortable for us to sleep on"

3) Her personality has changed. We barely talk about things, and when we do (or she does), its about what picture looks better or a place to go where she can take some more where the "aesthetic" is right. A year ago, she would have laughed at herself right now. She was so down-to-earth, didn't care about the latest trends, and the makeup and clothes she used to wear looked amazing on her. Her life didn't revolve around 100k followers. I took her out one day and subtly told her that it would be best if we both left our phones to enjoy a few hours together without distractions, she agreed, we get there, she has her phone and starts taking photos holding my hand and documenting her "date night". Once she takes them, I'm ignored while she's editing them and posting them.

I don't know how she changed this fast. I thought she'd get over it but sadly it just seems to be getting worse. This is not the woman I proposed to. I've talked to her about it, no yelling, no anger, just a conversation today. She got offended and told me I don't support her. She also got upset I wouldn't create an Instagram so she could tag me and we could be an "Insta couple".

gently caress, I'm not in highschool anymore.

I'm thinking about breaking up, but if there are suggestions people can give to avoid that it would be great.

tl;dr: My fiance is obsessed with Instagram to the point where she's always on her phone, everything is about taking pictures and her entire personality has changed because of it.

almightyerin posted:

I [32F] am being forced by my husband [33 M] of 3 years to file bug reports??


Oh my good god

almightyerin posted:

I [32F] am being forced by my husband [33 M] of 3 years to file bug reports??


Oh my good god

Ziv Zulander posted:

Don't date bad engineers

Doggles posted:

Am I [26 F] overreacting to my BF's [28 M] football obsession?

... his favorite team's games (Penn State & the Eagles)

quote:

gently caress me. I think I've finally had it with this situation. It's constant, no matter what I say nothing ever changes and somewhere inside I know it's never going to. It hurts like hell because I love my husband, and when his attention isn't on his mother, he's the best partner I could have asked for. I don't know if I can give that up but I also can't go on like this.

Put frankly his mom is obsessed with him. They text throughout the day. She calls at least once a day and needs to talk to him either on the phone or on videochat for at least a couple hours each day. It's mutual too, some days it'll be him who calls.

Last year ago my father passed away and we were at the funeral. He left the service to take his mom's daily call. All throughout the time I was grieving after his death, his phone would be going off and he'd be like "oh sorry I gotta take this." in the middle of talking with me. I just wanted support and had to compete with his mother's mundane bullshit every 10 minutes.

She lives in their home country and can't afford to move here (THANK GOD) but my husband recently told me he's been saving some money to help her move and she would be MOVING IN with us "when she's older." NO. But he will not listen to me. He says "I owe her because I abandoned her when I moved here." She didn't talk to him for his first year of college after he moved here, he was devastated and nearly failed out. He thought she'd killed herself. This was before we met, he took his second year off to go home and be with her. I asked what he did and he said he just spent time with her. He took a year off school to just sit around at home with his mom. Doing what exactly? Watching movies, going out to dinner, "cuddling," buying each other gifts. I'm not making this up (and it's gonna get worse trust me) he more or less acted like he was dating his mother, for a year.

So eventually she lets him go back, he comes back to school and that's where we met. They're on good terms at this point, this was when the texting all the time gradually started. A few months into our relationship I ran into him at the mall when bra shopping. He was buying lingerie. We hadn't yet had sex at that point so I was suspicious. Was he cheating on me? Oh, no don't worry, "it's just for my mom." Wtf? Apparently she was worried she wasn't attractive to men so he thought a gift would cheer her up. Wtf...relevant info his dad passed away when he was 10 I believe and to my knowledge she's never had another relationship. She will sometimes confide this weird, personal insecurities to him about how she doesn't feel like she can date because either 1) "I'm old and saggy" or 2) "no man could compare to how wonderful my own son is anyway."

It's obvious she's fishing for compliments. Which he always doles out, and to the point it's down right creepy. He's called her a milf before then says "well my friends think she's a milf." His friends have no idea what she looks like....

Okay so a couple years pass, we stay together, I put up with all this weird stuff chalking it up to a cultural thing where he comes from. Other stuff happens. Sex problems: to this day he's disinterested in sex with me. The mother issue increases the longer we stay together: he has a good paying job by that point and he started taking trips every couple months to go home and see her. At first I was just trying to keep peace, I thought it was largely my own jealousy and maybe if I got to know the woman I'd like her. But he refused for me to come along ever. To this day I have never met her in person.

You might be thinking, but surely she came to the wedding? Nope she boycotted the wedding in favor of celebrating with my husband one on one afterward, to "make it more special." He thought this was normal, that his mother wanted nothing to do with me and would start crying whenever he mentioned we were getting married. He "felt bad for her" and... booked a month long trip for the two of them in the Caribbean after our 4 day honeymoon. I don't even know, typing that, why I didn't call it off right then. I'm furious remembering this. When he showed me the pictures he talked about how he bought her the bikini she was wearing. In those pics he has his hand right on her hip. I saw they had a room where they'd shared a bed too and just wtf.

Also he's extremely guarded with his phone. He turned off lockscreen notifications for text messages sometime last year, after I was using it (with his permission) and texts appeared from his mother making reference to his masturbation habits. I couldn't help looking at their thread and saw he'd described to her the way he masturbates asking if it was normal. He'd also asked about her own habits. That finally prompted the first big fight over her between us. It's like I'm having to compete with this other woman he's buying lingerie for and taking on expensive vacations only it's his loving mother. How is this normal? He said he was asking a normal question he'd ask his dad if he was alive but since he's not it "wasn't his fault" he had to ask his mom. What? Why not Google it? He didn't see the big picture at all. The pattern of the weird almost intimate relationship they have.

gently caress. I'm sorry, this turned into a whole rant. I haven't told anyone any of this before, it's too embarrassing and weird. I'm much too embarrassed to talk about it to anyone I know even close friends.

Anyway. Today something in me just snapped. We'd had a vacation planned for New years. Haven't made any reservations yet but it was still a plan. Today he said he would rather put that money towards Christmas gifts. I asked why, the amount would be pretty big for gifts. He said it was a surprise for his mother but wouldn't tell me what. I got annoyed and he eventually admitted he wanted to help her get a cosmetic surgery she'd been wanting. Oookay...what's the procedure? Well it's a breast augmentation..... What the gently caress.

Yes. He decided to spend our new years trip money on buying his mom a new rack. This conversation also included details like "she told me women's bodies change after having a kid and she just doesn't feel sexy anymore" and "To be fair her breasts ARE a bit smaller than average. I mean, I think they're fine but you have to see she's unhappy with them."
And that's how I ended up in an argument about the size of his mom's boobs.

I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. I'm so sick of the weirdness, of being an afterthought to him, I also want to have children and how is he going to be a father at this rate, is he going to say "sorry kids we can't go to Disneyland afterall, I gotta pay for Grandma's labiaplasty" because I can see this happening!

Can someone just please tell me if I'm crazy? He said go ahead, talk to anyone and they'll say you're obsessive and jealous, not me.

All our issues stem from his relationship with his mom. I know I've ranted this whole post and need to wrap up but this barely even does it justice, I could write a Game of Thrones length chronicle of all the things that have happened with him and his mom. Every argument we've had has been about him either putting her before me, or doing things with or for her that no other guys would ever do. If she wasn't in the picture the only thing we'd still be struggling with would probably be the dead bedroom but I swear to god I would gladly give up sex with him if he cut off his mother.

He'll never do that. I know it. He'd let me divorce him before he'd do that. I said I can't deal with this anymore, it's been building up for years and I'm done, he said "What does that mean? Done with me?" I said I needed to think about it more but yeah pretty much. His response was: "Do what you want." and he threw his hands up and stormed out of the room.

Help? What is his problem? Has anyone ever had this problem with an SO before? Is there any hope?

TL;DR: My husband and his mother are obsessed with each other. I always come second, it feels. It's disturbing and I'm so angry. For years I mostly haven't spoken up enough, now I finally did after he cancelled our trip to use the money for a boob job for his mother. I am on the warpath and divorce is in sight. This is my attempt at stepping back and making sure I'm not crazy first. I'm not crazy, right?

La Brea Carpet posted:

My husband of 2 years (29M) wants to buy his mother (60's F) a boobjob for Christmas. I (30F) want a divorce.

Clark Nova posted:

That is ten thousand times creepier than the dad cranking it to fake mothers and daughters faking lesbianism.

Beachcomber posted:

It's been my experience that women who engineer are worth their weight in platinum.

La Brea Carpet posted:

I hope he doesn't ever break both his arms.

La Brea Carpet posted:

My husband of 2 years (29M) wants to buy his mother (60's F) a boobjob for Christmas. I (30F) want a divorce.

almightyerin posted:

I [32F] am being forced by my husband [33 M] of 3 years to file bug reports??


Oh my good god

cumshitter posted:

How the hell is an engineer such a fuckup with basic consumer goods?

abigserve posted:

Can you give me an example? Like I can understand not wanting kids at the ceremony (we had a tantrum just before our vows for example but no stress) but the reception? What could you possibly be doing with a huge group of your family and friends that would be inappropriate to have kids around.

cowofwar posted:

Best post of 2017.

quote:

From: bob@bob.com
Subject: "Ticket closed - could not reproduce"

maskenfreiheit posted:

maskenfreiheit posted:

A light pinging sound fills the back of the Uber. Alice looks down. Has Bob fixed the issue with the stove, or will she be eating a sandwich for dinner again. She glances down at the email preview hovering at the top of her iPhone's screen:



Also, LOL @ walls of people demanding to know why they can't have kids at a wedding.

Sometimes people don't want to let you do something you want to do. You aren't entitled to an explanation nor an opprotunity to argue them into your line of thinking with regard to their wedding

Three Olives posted:

Oh please, kids want lots of things, you are not an rear end in a top hat for telling a kid no, they will hear it for the rest of their lives and need to get used to it. Sorry, you don't get a glass of wine, sorry, you don't get to play with knives, sorry you don't get to swim, sorry you don't get to play with the adults at this very expensive and fancy party.

Sucks, that's life kid.

almightyerin posted:

I [32F] am being forced by my husband [33 M] of 3 years to file bug reports??


Oh my good god

chumbler posted:

At least not software engineers. Other engineers are probably less insufferable.

Kuros posted:

Just gently caress your mom already husband. drat.

chumbler posted:

At least not software engineers. Other engineers are probably less insufferable.

maskenfreiheit posted:

you ever see that silicon valley where dinesh rats out his gf to the fbi to escape the relationship?

that's pretty close to what dating a female engineer is like

Clark Nova posted:

That is ten thousand times creepier than the dad cranking it to fake mothers and daughters faking lesbianism.

La Brea Carpet posted:

My husband of 2 years (29M) wants to buy his mother (60's F) a boobjob for Christmas. I (30F) want a divorce.

La Brea Carpet posted:

My (28M) fiance's (26F) obsession with Instagram is ruining our relationship

therobit posted:

If you want to make a web page that's fine but don't expect that everyone is going to check it and be up to date on what it says. It's not traditional and a lot of people are not gonna look at it. If that was the only way "no kids the whole night" was communicated, I don't think it is reasonable to expect her to know. Most people would assume that after the ceremony is over and everyone has eaten kids would be OK unless you told them otherwise. At that point the kids have been cooped up somewhere for 7 hours or something. Like I know she says she hired nannies for seven and a half hours, but it isn't reasonable to pack that kids away that long at an event like that. If your ego can't handle that sometimes things don't go exactly as planned and you need to be pissed off about something like that, you are gonna have a hard time in life.

La Brea Carpet posted:

My husband of 2 years (29M) wants to buy his mother (60's F) a boobjob for Christmas. I (30F) want a divorce.

Scathach posted:

This is like four pages back, but I think my wedding coming up this summer is a pretty good example. I live on a 40-acre beefalo farm in the forest. There are electric fences all around the outer perimeter, but our place and the pasture we're doing vows in are inside the beefalo area. Generally they stay away from people but I can't count on a kid not running off and trying to pet the aggressive cow hybrids. There's also a deep, fast-moving creek and several very deep beaver lakes on the property. It's a working farm, full of farm equipment, livestock dogs, etc.

We also live in a legal state and plan to have pot at our bonfire after the vows. All the kids we know are toddlers. Our wedding just isn't really an environment that's good for kids. If someone happens to take their eyes off an toddler for a few minutes they could get into a lot of trouble.

quote:

I've been with my fiance for 4 years and we got engaged a few months ago.
She was never into social media, she only had facebook and she barely used it. After we got engaged and moved in together, she got Instagram a few weeks later to show off the ring to her friends. I've noticed so many changes in her since then.
1) She needs to take a picture of everything and she's always on her phone. It started off with food, then to selfies, then to "selfies" she'd set up (like changing all her clothes randomly in the day, grabbing a random book and taking a picture about her getting into reading). She asked me to go hiking the other day which was a surprise, since she was never a fan. We get there, I'm excited. First thing she does? Runs to the nicest areas, makes me take a few hundred pictures and then decides she wants to leave.
2) She can wear what she wants and I don't stop her. But it's aggravating when she suddenly takes 2 hours to do her makeup when she never took that long before. The overdone eyebrows, caked makeup, false lashes, putting makeup on her boobs to enhance them etc.. And we're just going to the loving grocery store. And the god drat tights and crop tops. She posts pictures of her rear end constantly. The other day she wore an expensive set of lingerie and took 3 hours taking pictures on our bed. She made me buy silk sheets previously for those photos and took them off as soon as she was done. I bought those because she told me "they're more comfortable for us to sleep on"
3) Her personality has changed. We barely talk about things, and when we do (or she does), its about what picture looks better or a place to go where she can take some more where the "aesthetic" is right. A year ago, she would have laughed at herself right now. She was so down-to-earth, didn't care about the latest trends, and the makeup and clothes she used to wear looked amazing on her. Her life didn't revolve around 100k followers. I took her out one day and subtly told her that it would be best if we both left our phones to enjoy a few hours together without distractions, she agreed, we get there, she has her phone and starts taking photos holding my hand and documenting her "date night". Once she takes them, I'm ignored while she's editing them and posting them.
I don't know how she changed this fast. I thought she'd get over it but sadly it just seems to be getting worse. This is not the woman I proposed to. I've talked to her about it, no yelling, no anger, just a conversation today. She got offended and told me I don't support her. She also got upset I wouldn't create an Instagram so she could tag me and we could be an "Insta couple". gently caress, I'm not in highschool anymore.
I'm thinking about breaking up, but if there are suggestions people can give to avoid that it would be great.
tl;dr: My fiance is obsessed with Instagram to the point where she's always on her phone, everything is about taking pictures and her entire personality has changed because of it.

almightyerin posted:

I don't know why they couldn't come up with a better word for that than "beefalo".

Motronic posted:

I mean....it's a thing. Also known as cattlo. It's a cattle/bison hybrid. Most hybrids have stupid names.

Motronic posted:

I mean....it's a thing. Also known as cattlo. It's a cattle/bison hybrid. Most hybrids have stupid names.

Motronic posted:

I mean....it's a thing. Also known as cattlo. It's a cattle/bison hybrid. Most hybrids have stupid names.

quote:

My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years now.
I currently work as a research assistant at my school in the field I hope to go into after I finish my masters. Yesterday morning, my girlfriend dropped by my office since I had some free time. My office is located in the “Deans Office” of the college that my major is in. We were just sitting and talking and there was a knock on the door and the guy asked me if I knew where another worker was as he needed to talk to them. The guy was my ex boyfriend and ex roommate from my first semester in college. I hadn’t seen him since we broke up and he moved out (for reasons not related to our relationship) so we said hello/how’ve you been and proceeded to go on with our individual business. My girlfriend and I have pretty much the same group of friends and since she’d never seen him before, she asked who he was. I told her upfront that he was an ex from my freshman year. She seemed stunned by this and started interrogating me about our relationship and just seemingly couldn’t grasp that we had a romantic relationship in the past. I answered all of her questions honestly and told her that I’m bisexual. She got really mad at that and asked me why I never felt the need to tell her that. I told her that I didn’t know that I needed to as when we first started sleeping together, we both got tested and she said I didn’t have to give her a list of my sex partners or exes, and she wasn’t going to provide one either and she said that this was major and we would have to talk about it later.
I tried calling her that night and she wouldn’t return my calls and just texted me that she needed some time to think. This morning, we met and discussed things and she accused me of lying to her and purposefully keeping information away from her. She also said that me not telling her that I was bisexual took away her “right to choose,” but couldn’t explain that point further. She also accused me of not telling her about still being in contact with my ex (which I’m not, we just have similar majors in the same college at my school and I️ haven’t seen him in years). I brought up the fact that she said we didnt have to disclose our sexual history to each other, but she just said that how many people you have sex with is different than your sexuality (which I agree with but she never said anything about saying who we slept with rather than how many we slept with) and we got into an even bigger argument and she said that she wasn’t sure about our relationship or whether or not she could move past a “lie” as huge as this and that was the end of it.
I’m actually really hurt by this whole thing. I never lied to her about it nor did I ever try to hide it from her. It just never really came up. I’ve never cheated or thought about cheating on her with anyone, man or woman (which I told her) nor have I thought about any of my exes at all in years and definitely not during our relationship as things were going really well (which I also told her). We’ve been together for 2 great years and have met each other’s families and had plans for the upcoming holidays and even beyond and I thought our relationship was actually going somewhere and the fact that she wants to end it because of this is kind of jolting and really hurtful.
I’ve been trying to see her side of it but I can’t. Me being bisexual doesn’t change our relationship, or at least I don’t think it should. I’ve been bisexual the whole time, she just wasn’t aware, and again, it’s not like I purposefully hid it from her or ever told her I was straight or anything like that. But then again, that’s just the way I feel about it,and I could be being a major rear end about this but I really don’t think I am.
tl;dr: I told my girlfriend that I’m bisexual and she’s reconsidering our relationship because she feels like I lied to her since I didn’t tell her before we ran into my ex boyfriend, but I don’t feel like I lied to her or hid anything from her and I could really use some perspective.

quote:

A few years ago, my gynecologists found abnormal cells in my cervix. I kept going for regular exams to monitor the progress of these cells. Now that I'm 25, and the cells have reach a "high grade" status, I've been advised to get the cells surgically removed.

I told my boyfriend about it because I was concerned, and I wish I never had now. He is so against modern western medicine. He thinks that surgery a severe solution to a problem that can be treated with home remedies, and that my doctor is just trying to bank on my condition. He says what I have is HPV, and that I can get rid of it by douching with diluted essential oils (tea tree and lemon) and assured me that this worked as a treatment for his break out of, what appeared to be warts (HPV he said) on his penis. He actually showed me the progress as he did this, and they're gone now, but I don't trust it. We fight about it a lot. I tell him I'd rather do what my doctor is advising me and get on with it, and he calls me dumb, and says I don't know what I am talking about. I get really upset when we talk about it, because I'm nervous about the situation as a whole, and he tells me that there are so many risks to what I am wanting to do.

He's urged me to set up one more examination before the surgery, which I have, to try the home remedy method in the meantime to see if it works first. I appreciate that he's passionate about my health, but he's being way to pushy for my liking. He tells me it's because he cares so much about me and doesn't want me to go through any unnecessary hardship. I'm not sure I'm willing to go through with what he's urging me to do, although he assures me it's safe. I haven't been able to talk to anyone I'm close to about this, I'm afraid of what they'll think of my boyfriend, as we've already had some obstacles. I really love him, he's just pretty out there with his beliefs. I just need some advice from someone other than him, it's starting to get under my skin.

tl;dr: boyfriend thinks homeopathic remedies are the way to go to get rid of my abnormal cervical cells, I'm not so sure it's a good idea and it's causing us to argue a lot.

Motronic posted:

My (22/m) girlfriend (27/f) is mad because I didn’t tell her that I was bisexual.

maskenfreiheit posted:

this is not a firing for cause and she will lose all shared assets (including friends and furniture) if she pursues this termination.

if he was hetero he'd still want to bang other people, but chooses not to. it's a combination of hiv panic, homophobia, and sexism driving her pissiness.

no one would flip out if their GIRLFRIEND revealed she was bi #misandry

Absurd Alhazred posted:

My [25 F] boyfriend [27 M] of 7 months is very against me getting surgery, and it's really getting to me and having me reconsider our relationship


both your malignant cells and your boyfriend, OP.