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For every pete, there's a guy like this. Including original and updates I (36m) am worried my wife (36f) is having an affair. I dont want to ask her directly if this is true. quote:Post resubmitted to make correction on title. My wife started a college course 6 months ago. Several things have made me really worried she is seeing someone else. We have always been true to each other (14 years). I can't bring myself to ask. Perhaps I'm overanalysing the situation. Not sure what to do? The guys name is Steve, she has been mentioned his name quite a few times, things really got me worried when she said would I mind if they went out for a drink 'as friends'. I didn't know what to say, so said fine as I would not want the woman who I adore to think I don't trust her. She now takes more pride in her appearance when she goes off to college and has obviously become quite informal with him, for example she told me that he has a girlfriend but finds her boring, they have even had quite personal conversations. The thing that has really worried me (like a stab to the chest) was her comment out of the blue that she was good in bed. Why would she say that? The really strange thing is however, over the last few months, our sex life has been better than ever (from 4 / month to 3 to 4 times a week - very often initiated by her) This makes me think that maybe nothing is going on, as why would she now be more interested in sex with me. Let's just say I'm confused and worried!! Any thoughts would be appreciated Thanks Whatever usual relationship stuff no big deal... here's the update quote:Thanks again, to everyone who has commented. We have now had a 'can we all 4 go out together' conversation, which has in some ways helped clarify things, but in other ways had left me worried. What have I learnt? - Steve is 21, she sees him each day. He has asked out (even though he knows we are married). His relationship with his GF is one of convenience. My wife says she fancies him and was very very tempted by his offer, but (importantly for me, wants to stay with me). She still would like to go out for a drink with him and says Steve knows her position. I trust my wife, but in simple terms, younger man is attracted to my wife, wife is also attracted and in her words very very tempted. - But is effectively saying trust me, I know what I'm doing. Can you imagine how I will feel if they have their drink? Worried us an understatement. quote:Thanks again for all the comments. This has helped me come to the conclusion, that in all probability nothing has happened between them yet. Many of you will think I'm crazy, but I have trusted my wife for all these years and don't want to set boundaries or tell her what to do. She has got to decide. She has told me it's a drink as friends, so I will take a big gulp of bravery and let her do this. She knows she risks loosing me and I desperately hope she keeps it as friends. I can't say I'm looking forward to Friday night, but as I said above, I want her to know I trust her and for her to show she can respect that trust. I pray I'm not giving a very sad update on Saturday morning.  A living doormat
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Nov 22, 2017 20:21
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Me [25F] with my boyfriend [21M] of 10 months, another Tinder horror story and I'm mourningquote:My heart is breaking, every single day I wake up...I wish things would go back to normal. Guess the buried lede!
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Nov 22, 2017 20:21
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La Brea Carpet posted:Me [25F] with my boyfriend [21M] of 10 months, another Tinder horror story and I'm mourning How could a 21 year old guy <1 yr into dating a lady and knocking her up in the process possibly feel trapped???  That relationship ends well, calling it now
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Nov 22, 2017 20:24
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Ham Sandwiches posted:For every pete, there's a guy like this. Including original and updates The wife is really doing well for herself here, I'm proud of her. 
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Nov 22, 2017 20:26
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quote:My wife says she fancies him and was very very tempted by his offer, but (importantly for me, wants to stay with me). She still would like to go out for a drink with him and says Steve knows her position. Bro
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Nov 22, 2017 20:26
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Ham Sandwiches posted:This guy loving sucks She wrote: 'And, from a more global perspective, we shared the same goals. I was always neutral about kids' In his text apology to her, he wrote: 'Im not unhappy in a global sense' I'm wondering about the optics of this mutual use of global.
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Nov 22, 2017 20:27
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"I refuse to set boundaries of any kind" from a sensitive and understanding man I'm honestly confused about where the concept that setting any boundaries means you're abusive or something comes from.
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Nov 22, 2017 20:29
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Baronjutter posted:Murder chair husband and turn his bones into a chair.
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Nov 22, 2017 20:29
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Ham Sandwiches posted:For every pete, there's a guy like this. Including original and updates stuff like this confuses me because she doesn't need to be actively cheating to be hurting your relationship/disrespecting you. Even if all she really wants is the positive attention from this young buck and has no plans to sleep with him, it's still frankly unacceptable to tolerate his advances, which are direct insults to her husband. Don't be friends with people who wanna bone you when you're already attached, it's not a tough concept.
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Nov 22, 2017 20:36
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Blade Runner posted:"I refuse to set boundaries of any kind" from a sensitive and understanding man I feel like there's a really strong social push using language regarding abuse to be okay with your SO hanging out with the opposite sex. Not to say I don't think those relationships can work, just when the line gets blurry I can sorta understand it being hard to put your foot down because there's so much talk on social media of it being "controlling". "yeah it's fine if you hang out with guy friends but no it's not fine for you to hang out with guy friends who openly want in your pants" is a line that seems obvious but is often neglected in discussions on the topic.
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Nov 22, 2017 20:40
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I don't care if my SO has lunch/dinner or whatever with a male friend. I do care if that male friend only knows her because he was trying to hit on her and then asked her out and she said "nah sorry I'm attached" and then he goes "that's okay let's have a drink anyway  " and then she tells me well she is attracted to him but she'd never do anything because she wouldn't want to hurt my feelings.Like... lol. If you didn't want to hurt my feelings you would have unequivocally told this dude nothing was going to happen and thanks but no thanks to going out for a drink since the only express purpose behind that would be to have another opportunity to hit on you, this time in a more social and relaxed setting.
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Nov 22, 2017 20:41
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Blade Runner posted:"I refuse to set boundaries of any kind" from a sensitive and understanding man Asking someone to respect you is effectively trying to control their emotions for your own benefit. This is textbook psychological abuse, and they are completely within their rights to demand you respect them enough not to do that.
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Nov 22, 2017 20:43
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Outrail posted:Asking someone to respect you is effectively trying to control their emotions for your own benefit. This is textbook psychological abuse, and they are completely within their rights to demand you respect them enough not to do that. I can't tell if this is a brilliant joke or the dumbest poo poo I've ever read
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Nov 22, 2017 20:44
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ArbitraryC posted:I feel like there's a really strong social push using language regarding abuse to be okay with your SO hanging out with the opposite sex. Not to say I don't think those relationships can work, just when the line gets blurry I can sorta understand it being hard to put your foot down because there's so much talk on social media of it being "controlling". "yeah it's fine if you hang out with guy friends but no it's not fine for you to hang out with guy friends who openly want in your pants" is a line that seems obvious but is often neglected in discussions on the topic. The only non-single chicks I hang out with alone are the ones I'm absolutely certain aren't and never would be interested in me. Yes, there's some low hanging fruit. Go on. Gumbel2Gumbel posted:I can't tell if this is a brilliant joke or the dumbest poo poo I've ever read Porque no los dos?
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Nov 22, 2017 20:45
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Outrail posted:The only non-single chicks I hang out with alone are the ones I'm absolutely certain aren't and never would be interested in me. You're alright by me
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Nov 22, 2017 20:48
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If you attempt to tell others what you expect of them (abusers often call them "boundaries") you are using your power to abandon them ("breaking up" or "going your separate way") in order to coerce behaviors that you find pleasing, thereby reducing them to an object that you only use to provide contentment for yourself. Common phrases used are "Your actions really hurt me and made me feel like you don't care", "We need to talk about this so we can have a better relationship", and the Big Therapy one "We should think about seeing a therapist to help us get through this."
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Nov 22, 2017 20:53
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Yeah my ex had a similar friend except he wanted to come over to her place, had explicitly told her he was interested in her sexually, and she had told him in no uncertain terms that she was taken and not interested. She made me feel like a lovely boyfriend because I called the dude out as a creep who would definitely try to make a move on her, and enlisted a mutual friend in basically shaming me for not trusting her. It wasn't her I didn't trust, it was the sentient fedora who had repeatedly attempted to weasel his way into bed with her. The other guy in these situations always tries something. In the redditor's case, his wife actually admitted to being into the guy. Jesus Christ, run far loving away from people like that.
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Nov 22, 2017 20:53
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Bertrand Hustle posted:It wasn't her I didn't trust, it was the sentient fedora who had repeatedly attempted to weasel his way into bed with her. On the flip side this is a stupid argument and always will be. What, she has no agency in this decision at all and he can somehow finagle her into bed with no breach of trust between you and her going on on her part? quote:she had told him in no uncertain terms that she was taken and not interested. Sounds like she did the right thing and that's that and you did actually make her feel like poo poo for implying she would have cheated on you with some fedora weasel. As opposed to the reddit story where the wife goes "wellll he is cute haha but I promise nothing will happen."
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Nov 22, 2017 20:55
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Bertrand Hustle posted:Yeah my ex had a similar friend except he wanted to come over to her place, had explicitly told her he was interested in her sexually, and she had told him in no uncertain terms that she was taken and not interested. The next step is "We had a few drinks and I hosed him. I was drunk so it's not my fault! Maybe I shouldn't tell him it happened. I need to talk to someone about this. I'll have drinks with the same guy so we can talk about this. Honey I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for I suspect it's just as many husbands that do this as wives.
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Nov 22, 2017 21:00
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quote:She still would like to go out for a drink with him and says Steve knows her position I mean he probably does. Reverse cowgirl?
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Nov 22, 2017 21:01
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COMRADES posted:On the flip side this is a stupid argument and always will be. What, she has no agency in this decision at all and he can somehow finagle her into bed with no breach of trust between you and her going on on her part? I think even if they've shot them down it's still super inappropriate to keep hanger ons that are looking to pounce whenever things get rocky in your relationship. It's a powerplay, no one wants "well I already have someone lined up who's ready and willing when i'm feeling emotionally vulnerable" in their relationship. It's just disrespectful to continue associating with someone like that, they're basically insulting your SO by their very presence.
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Nov 22, 2017 21:02
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Can confirm, have been the guy in the wings waiting for breakups. It's super easy. If a girl is single you gotta be better than every other guy out there, but if a girl is in a relationship you only need to be better than one guy
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Nov 22, 2017 21:03
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ArbitraryC posted:I think even if they've shot them down it's still super inappropriate to keep hanger ons that are looking to pounce whenever things get rocky in your relationship. It's a powerplay, no one wants "well I already have someone lined up who's ready and willing when i'm feeling emotionally vulnerable" in their relationship. It's just disrespectful to continue associating with someone like that, they're basically insulting your SO by their very presence. Yeah I mean I dunno why she'd think it would be fine for the dude to come over to her place but I just really hate that "It's not you that I don't trust it is them" argument. It's just a mealy mouthed way of saying I don't trust you when someone doesn't want to just ask "well why is he coming over then" outright. Unless you're worried the other person will try to drug your SO or something but like...
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Nov 22, 2017 21:05
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Someone that is like "I want to gently caress you, and I don't care that you're in a relationship" is way more questionable company than some friend or previous relationship that people stay in contact with. You know the person has absolutely signaled their intent, all that's missing is a green light. That the partner wants to entertain that and what, just kinda hang out with Steve who wants to gently caress her (and she stated that it's reciprocal, what the gently caress is that) is just  after
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Nov 22, 2017 21:05
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COMRADES posted:On the flip side this is a stupid argument and always will be. What, she has no agency in this decision at all and he can somehow finagle her into bed with no breach of trust between you and her going on on her part? If it's been made known that someone wants to gently caress you and you're not interested, that's a permanent stressor on your relationship with that person. Even if you trust someone completely, it's just...humans. If you have a fight and they go out, feeling depressed and in a bad place, what then? If you have a completely perfect relationship with someone who would never cheat on you ever and who you never fight with at all, sure, but it's natural to worry.
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Nov 22, 2017 21:06
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Everyone here is late 20s, early 30s really should know better: I [27 F] may be pregnant with one hookups [30sM] and may have given another [30sM] an std. How do I talk to them? quote:u/forfriends333
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Nov 22, 2017 21:08
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COMRADES posted:Yeah I mean I dunno why she'd think it would be fine for the dude to come over to her place but I just really hate that "It's not you that I don't trust it is them" argument. It's just a mealy mouthed way of saying I don't trust you when someone doesn't want to just ask "well why is he coming over then" outright. I completely trust my girlfriend and she also would break off ties with anyone who made a pass at her. A previously girlfriend I also completely trusted kept a guy like that around and I didn't really protest because she said she wouldn't do anything, I still trusted her but eventually something did happen when she was real drunk and we broke up. What I've learned from my relationships is I think someone who actually respects their SO and isn't planning on cheating wouldn't just keep the option open and would take a pass like that as an insult to their SO and their relationship. You shouldn't have to police who they hang out with, if they love and respect you they'll have reasonable boundaries themselves.
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Nov 22, 2017 21:08
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Milotic posted:Everyone here is late 20s, early 30s really should know better: Man the holidays really bring out the hosed up stories, this is great This could all be from a trailer park
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Nov 22, 2017 21:10
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Milotic posted:Everyone here is late 20s, early 30s really should know better: What a train-wreck. She's not pregnant, she took the morning after, it's a non-issue unless she's really unlucky. The other guy is a dick and deserves his coldsore riddled cock. Unfortunately he's going to keep spreading it around with his coldsore riddled cock because he sounds kinda rapey.
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Nov 22, 2017 21:13
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ArbitraryC posted:I think even if they've shot them down it's still super inappropriate to keep hanger ons that are looking to pounce whenever things get rocky in your relationship. It's a powerplay, no one wants "well I already have someone lined up who's ready and willing when i'm feeling emotionally vulnerable" in their relationship. It's just disrespectful to continue associating with someone like that, they're basically insulting your SO by their very presence. What is even sadder is this sadbrain obsessed with a friend of mine so when my friend and his boyfriend broke up he was like visibly excited, like it was kind of gross how happy he was to find out about their break up and immediately started angling like this was his big break, the sympathetic shoulder to cry on, it was finally his turn. Nope, about 40 minutes later a guy my friend was actually into showed up at the bar, it was kind of fun to watch get so exciting about finally being able to get romantic with my friend and see him almost immediately crushed.
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Nov 22, 2017 21:13
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ArbitraryC posted:A previously girlfriend I also completely trusted kept a guy like that around Well, sure. What I'm saying though is these aren't the actions of a trustworthy person to begin. So it is totally normal to be worried or have a conversation or break up but like... "It's not that I don't trust you, it is that I don't trust them" is just an indirect way of saying I don't trust you and it's a bit insulting to one's intelligence to think they aren't going to realize that. If the gf can't handle a conversation about "well why are you leading this guy on then?" then that in of itself is a massive red flag because adults who trust each other should be able to have those kinds of conversations.
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Nov 22, 2017 21:14
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I know a married couple. In their past they broke up and there was cheating, the guy she got with when things went bad was the guy's best friend. The two dudes didn't talk for years over this, but she is pretty much best friends still with the other guy and they go out so much together you'd think they were the ones who were married. He still has feelings, she's "just friends", husband has just sort of made peace with the fact that his wife spends a huge chunk of her free time one on one with this guy. Maybe I'm a jealous controlling tyrant but I don't think I'd be ok with this.
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Nov 22, 2017 21:15
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Nah that's whack but see I would say "lady why are you doing this" not "it's not that I don't trust you, BUT..."
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Nov 22, 2017 21:16
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Outrail posted:What a train-wreck. Yeah, normally I avoid posting the sexual assault ones as they’re not fun and just bleak, but there’s so much stupidity from everyone here. You know what I do like to post? Weddings! I (35M) travelled to the wedding of friends (38M 36F). But...they never got married. Is it fair to be annoyed? quote:u/Annoyedfriend111 Certain religious ceremonies are legally binding in Spain. As Church of England ones are in the UK (but not Catholic ones).
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Nov 22, 2017 21:17
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Milotic posted:Certain religious ceremonies are legally binding in Spain. As Church of England ones are in the UK (but not Catholic ones). lmao
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Nov 22, 2017 21:18
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Baronjutter posted:I know a married couple. In their past they broke up and there was cheating, the guy she got with when things went bad was the guy's best friend. The two dudes didn't talk for years over this, but she is pretty much best friends still with the other guy and they go out so much together you'd think they were the ones who were married. He still has feelings, she's "just friends", husband has just sort of made peace with the fact that his wife spends a huge chunk of her free time one on one with this guy. Please do not befriend your doormat
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Nov 22, 2017 21:19
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Milotic posted:Yeah, normally I avoid posting the sexual assault ones as they’re not fun and just bleak, but there’s so much stupidity from everyone here. Convince him to ditch her so you can post about the fallout on reddit.
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Nov 22, 2017 21:20
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So why have a wedding... if you aren't ready to get married?  Why not have it when you are ready to get married? My understanding is there's even a term for a get together without a wedding and it's called a party.
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Nov 22, 2017 21:20
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Milotic posted:Yeah, normally I avoid posting the sexual assault ones as they’re not fun and just bleak, but there’s so much stupidity from everyone here. Stage a fake divorce
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Nov 22, 2017 21:21
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If I travel internationally and buy wedding presents for what turns out to just be a themed party and not in fact a wedding then yeah I'd be a bit ticked off too I think. My final opinion would fundamentally hinge on whether or not there was an open bar or not though.
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Nov 22, 2017 21:22
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