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My [31F] boyfriend's [32M] brother [22M] upset me by talking about my mom's death, and my boyfriend is taking his side. This Thanksgiving is the first time I met my boyfriend, Jake's, family. We've been together almost a year and are talking about moving in together, so it seemed like it was time. In advance of our trip, I asked Jake to tell his family about my family. My mom was murdered when I was in my early teens. As she was a single mother, with no real family, I was bounced around to foster homes until finding a nice family to live with for the last few years of my teens. I am still in touch with that family, but not in a 'they're my family' way, just a 'send a Holiday card' kind of way. My mother's murder was obviously an extremely traumatic experience for me, and it was a somewhat notorious case in the area I grew up in, to the point where I occasionally get tracked down by the websleuths crowd or other gawkers and get harassed. I asked my boyfriend to tell his family about this just to avoid any awkward questions about my family over dinner, because I've been put on the spot before at events and didn't really know what to say when pressed besides, 'My mom was murdered and I have no family! Pass the peas!' which makes things very awkward and makes me feel like crap. Also, my name is very similar to my mom's name, so sometimes when I meet strangers they will make a connection and be like, 'Like that lady who got murdered!' (For example, if my mom's name was Elizabeth Shoemaker, mine would be Ellie Shoemaker) not thinking I'm actually related to her. So, the actual problem. The plan was to arrive on Thanksgiving for dinner and then stay the weekend. Jake and I got there, ate dinner with the family, helped with dishes, and were having an overall great time. His parents were lovely and didn't bring up anything awkward. I was finally getting comfortable when his parents decided to go see a movie with some friends in the evening, and Jake went with. I decided to stay behind because I had a headache. I was left alone in the house with the dogs and with his younger brother Chris, who just graduated college and moved back home. Chris and I hadn't really interacted during dinner since we weren't sitting near each other, but he seemed like a nice enough kid. I didn't really expect to interact with him much, as I was lying on the bed in the guest room with a headache, but about five minutes after the door closed, Chris appeared in the doorway with the opener, "Jake told me about your mom. Were you there when it happened???" and started, believe it or not, peppering me with graphic questions about THE MURDER OF MY MOTHER. I was stunned and didn't know how to respond, so I repeated, "I don't want to talk about this' and he finally said, 'Sorry' and left. I sat on the bed for awhile not really knowing how to react but feeling general unease, shock, and the mild feeling of panic I get when people mention my mom's death when I haven't mentally prepared to talk about it. About 15 minutes later, he was back, having Googled it, and excitedly started TELLING me what he read, how he found a forum where people have alternate theories, what did I think, etc. I again told him I didn't want to talk about this, and at this point closed and locked the door and stayed there until Jake got home. When Jake got home, I was visibly extremely upset, and told him about my interaction with Chris. I told him that I'd prefer to go home; that he didn't have to come back with me, that I'd get a rental car and drive home, but that I didn't want to stay in the house with Chris. I expected some support (and genuinely didn't expect him to interrupt his holiday for me!), but he immediately told me that I was overreacting, that kids now have a morbid sense of humor, that Chris is a good kid, that it probably wasn't as creepy as I said, that he's just a kid, blah blah blah. I was shocked because I felt like Chris clearly crossed a line, and my gut was telling me that he was not a safe person for me to be around (not physically but I really did not want to spend the weekend with someone who was going to keep picking the scabs of the worst trauma of my life). I ended up taking the car (which is actually my car) because Jake said his parents would drive him home. His parents were already in bed, so I left them a note thanking them and saying I had to leave suddenly because I wasn't feeling well. I drove four hours back home alone and stayed with a close friend all weekend. Jake's texts to me were short all weekend, and when he got back to his apartment he didn't come over or invite me over, and said that he was 'still angry' about the way I acted toward his family. At this point I don't know what to do. I know I didn't overreact. 22 years old is young comparatively, but a 22 year old is not ACTUALLY a kid. He definitely seemed to be enjoying how uncomfortable he was making me, and I have had enough contact with 'websleuths' type people or people who are 'fans' of murders to know that he was being creepy and invasive. The fact that Jake is mad at me for all this makes me want to break up with him, and that's the part where I can't tell if I'm overreacting. Should I expect him to have my back over his creepy brother's? Should I bother trying to make him understand this? Can we have a relationship if I don't want to be around his family? I'm sorry if this is unclear or disjointed, I am paranoid about accidentally giving identifying details so I may have messed some things up. TL;DR: My boyfriend's little brother cornered me twice to ask me invasive questions about my mom's murder. My boyfriend thinks I overreacted by removing myself from the situation.
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Nov 27, 2017 17:34
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| # ? May 26, 2024 15:43 |
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Murder your boyfriend and then tell the brother to “figure it out”
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Nov 27, 2017 17:38
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That's PTSD, boyfriend needs to educate himself. Brother needs a kick in the dick.
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Nov 27, 2017 17:39
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Bertrand Hustle posted:That's PTSD, boyfriend needs to educate himself. Brother needs a kick in the dick. lol. you don't have to know about ptsd to realize that's a lovely way to act, he's just an rear end in a top hat
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Nov 27, 2017 17:47
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If you need to be educated at 30 that “repeatedly asking someone about their murderd mother” is bad I feel like maybe you dont qualify as good boyfriend material and your seed is weak. A friend of mines father got murdered in 3rd grade and guess what, I knew then that hey I shouldnt make jokes or comments about dads much less their specific murdered dad.
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Nov 27, 2017 17:48
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I will 2nd the "kick in the dick" approach.
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Nov 27, 2017 17:54
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Broaching the subject is kind of not cool. Broaching the subject after being told not to broach the subject is definitely not cool. Broaching the subject multiple times after being told they don't want to talk about it is a dick move and a 16 year old should be able to figure it out. Not understanding that at 22 is either signs of mental retardation or signs of being a loving rear end in a top hat. Or both.
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Nov 27, 2017 17:56
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Barudak posted:If you need to be educated at 30 that “repeatedly asking someone about their murderd mother” is bad I feel like maybe you dont qualify as good boyfriend material and your seed is weak. Hell, I could even see a hardcore loving shut-in not getting it, but she told him, an adult, multiple times each conversation that she didn't want to talk about it
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Nov 27, 2017 17:59
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Dude was definitely trying to torpedo his brother's relationship, and he succeeded. The fact that boyfriend is taking his side and not giving him a swift rear end kicking and a apology to girlfriend is real dumb.
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Nov 27, 2017 18:01
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Demon Of The Fall posted:Dude was definitely trying to torpedo his brother's relationship, and he succeeded. The fact that boyfriend is taking his side and not giving him a swift rear end kicking and a apology to girlfriend is real dumb. Some people can’t contain themselves when they are near someone or something “notorious.” These people are assholes. I think the torpedoed relationship is a side effect, and aided along by his brother defaulting to being defensive of his family (who he probably really wanted her to like). I hope their parents kick both their asses.
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Nov 27, 2017 18:05
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One Weird Trick to Ruin Your Brother's Relationship - Murdered Moms HATE THIS
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Nov 27, 2017 18:06
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Me [29M] with my girlfriend [33F] of 2 months: How upfront should I be and is this reasonable?quote:A few days ago we decided to pump the brakes a little. Things were going great, and they still are. We are just being more responsible and less full-steam-ahead regarding co-habitation.
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Nov 27, 2017 18:21
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Palpek posted:Me [29M] with my girlfriend [33F] of 2 months: How upfront should I be and is this reasonable? They seem to have missed 'Someone to call mum' off their list. Lol at the someone to make all their meals but also pay for everything when they're out as well.
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Nov 27, 2017 18:26
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Dump Jake, run his brother over with a car.
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Nov 27, 2017 18:27
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dear reddit: I want a bangmaid, how can I trick someone into this????? tia
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Nov 27, 2017 18:27
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Palpek posted:Me [29M] with my girlfriend [33F] of 2 months: How upfront should I be and is this reasonable? Copy command: We've located the archetypal man child. Proceeding to isolate and contain. e: Please post some comments. There's got to be at least a few supportive idiots. Also, 29 years old.
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Nov 27, 2017 18:29
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Palpek posted:Me [29M] with my girlfriend [33F] of 2 months: How upfront should I be and is this reasonable? Don't date anyone you hosed up child.
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Nov 27, 2017 18:29
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DragQueenofAngmar posted:dear reddit: I want a bangmaid, how can I trick someone into this????? tia As with everything in life, be born into unbelievable wealth
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Nov 27, 2017 18:31
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sometimes I think this next generation is gonna be alright  my (17m) mom (43f) made fun of my date (16f) for her appearance. I feel so bad for her and don't know how to make it better quote:I'm a junior and I've been lab partners with this girl Janine in chemistry since the beginning of the year. She is very smart and one of the funniest people I ever met. I think she is very good looking but in sort of a non traditional way. I finally got my courage up to up ask her out this last week and we decided to go see a movie on Saturday. Her dad has a rule that when she goes out she has to drive because he thinks boys are idiots when they drive so she came to pick me up at my house. When she got there my mom basically said "wow, you are so handsome not what we were expecting but handsome." I could tell that Janine was kind of like taken aback because she is already self conscious about her looks and it really sucked because it just made the rest of night awkward because my moms comments were just like I would rather her not say anything or compliment Janine on her brains or what not. I like this kid, I hope there's an update where he dates Janine and tells his stupid mom to gently caress off
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Nov 27, 2017 18:32
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Outrail posted:e: Please post some comments. There's got to be at least a few supportive idiots. quote:You're two months in? Way too soon for these kinds of demands. A good direction but not nearly harsh enough.
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Nov 27, 2017 18:35
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The truth is the truth and it needs to be said that I’m going to not call you for the remainder of our lives together until that point when I shove you into the cheapest flea-ridden nursing home I can find and sell all your poo poo to fund my next vacation.
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Nov 27, 2017 18:39
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Compromise doesn't mean poo poo when everything is unreasonable to begin with.
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Nov 27, 2017 18:51
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Cat Army
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Mods please rename me to Frequent Handies
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Nov 27, 2017 18:55
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DragQueenofAngmar posted:sometimes I think this next generation is gonna be alright Your mom just wants you to have cute grandbabies, that's all.
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Nov 27, 2017 19:00
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i have really weird taste in dudes, and my mom teases me often about her hypothetical ugly grandbabies -- just, ya know, not in front of anyone i've ever dated
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Nov 27, 2017 19:01
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Top models all got “distinguishing features” so having a half hot half uggo child is just good sense if youre aiming to have children who can show off the fall collection you make your other less photogenic children sow for you.
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Nov 27, 2017 19:03
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I'm ugly as hell and my daughter is gorgeous
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Nov 27, 2017 19:04
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Demon Of The Fall posted:I'm ugly as hell and my daughter is gorgeous Nobody asked you, Mr. President.
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Nov 27, 2017 19:06
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Aramoro posted:They seem to have missed 'Someone to call mum' off their list. Lol at the someone to make all their meals but also pay for everything when they're out as well. drat, beat me to it. Aside from all the other red flags, I was particularly disturbed by 'won't mind if I leave the door open when I drop a deuce'. Like, if you live alone, do whatever the gently caress you want, but if someone else is in your living space close the loving door you disgusting baby man.
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Nov 27, 2017 19:13
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that's precious seconds wasted in a critical raid situation, you FOOL
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Nov 27, 2017 19:14
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"Her dad has a rule that when she goes out she has to drive because he thinks boys are idiots when they drive so she came to pick me up at my house. " That's a drat-fine rule
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Nov 27, 2017 19:36
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BloodRed posted:"Her dad has a rule that when she goes out she has to drive because he thinks boys are idiots when they drive so she came to pick me up at my house. " I think I'll use that
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Nov 27, 2017 19:49
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BloodRed posted:"Her dad has a rule that when she goes out she has to drive because he thinks boys are idiots when they drive so she came to pick me up at my house. " That girl's dad is super smart, but I'll probably extend that to a "never ride in a friend/boyfriend/girlfriend's car ever" rule when I have kids because most people are idiot drivers at any age, let alone as teenagers.
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Nov 27, 2017 20:23
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BloodRed posted:"Her dad has a rule that when she goes out she has to drive because he thinks boys are idiots when they drive so she came to pick me up at my house. " Smart. Plus you can then decide what vehicle your kid is driving for additional safety features. My parents never should have let me drive a car with bench seats.
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Nov 27, 2017 20:29
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I [26f] am not attracted to my husband [26m] anymore nor do I think I love him, but divorce is not an option.quote:So my husband and I have been married for a little over a year and just had our first kid. I’d say all my feeling come from the stress of having a newborn, but that’d be a lie.  "Help, I can't swim while holding on to this anchor!" "Have you tried letting go of the anchor?""NOT AN OPTION!"
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Nov 27, 2017 20:31
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also if she gets skeeved she can bail without begging for a ride or being stranded
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Nov 27, 2017 20:32
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Doggles posted:I [26f] am not attracted to my husband [26m] anymore nor do I think I love him, but divorce is not an option. So, which does she believe in less, divorce or her husband? 
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Nov 27, 2017 20:35
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Doggles posted:I [26f] am not attracted to my husband [26m] anymore nor do I think I love him, but divorce is not an option. quote:Plain and simple, I don’t believe in divorce and neither does he. You better start believing in broken relationships that end in divorce. You're in one.
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Nov 27, 2017 20:43
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Doggles posted:I [26f] am not attracted to my husband [26m] anymore nor do I think I love him, but divorce is not an option. If every single thing suggested isnt an elaborate ruse to have him divorce her its failed. She should make him do No Phone Fridays were they dont use phones and instead discuss books they read togwther, starting with divorce laws in their state.
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Nov 27, 2017 20:46
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| # ? May 26, 2024 15:43 |
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both of those issues sound like entirely fixable things with some time and good therapy.
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Nov 27, 2017 20:49
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