/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Haifisch posted:

Speaking of guys melting down when their dong isn't enough to get a woman off:

Me [18 F] with my boyfriend [18 M] for 1.5 years, I bought a vibrator and he is really mad at me.

So he thinks it�s ok to rape you now. He didn�t say exactly that but he does.

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:04

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# ? Jun 12, 2024 22:18

girl pants: Sep 21, 2006; I feel a great disturbance in my pants

He's going to rape her. I hope she dumps him. I really, really hope she gets far away from him.

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:05

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

Haifisch posted:

Speaking of guys melting down when their dong isn't enough to get a woman off:

Me [18 F] with my boyfriend [18 M] for 1.5 years, I bought a vibrator and he is really mad at me.

Just tell him his dick is too big and you can't take his magnum dong, he will never bother you about this again

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:05

Mr. Creakle: Apr 27, 2007; Protecting your virginity

I can't post any good examples right now becuse I'm at work, but the vibrator keyword is a goldmine holy poo poo.

To contribute: The only ex I had that was insecure about stuff like that also had the smallest penis out of anyone I ever dated lol

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:07

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

PetraCore posted:

/r/relationships: It's clitoris all the way down

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Haifisch posted:

Speaking of guys melting down when their dong isn't enough to get a woman off:

Me [18 F] with my boyfriend [18 M] for 1.5 years, I bought a vibrator and he is really mad at me.

vaginismus don't real

Pick posted:

So he thinks it’s ok to rape you now. He didn’t say exactly that but he does.

It's a real possibility and the threat should be taken as such, but here's hoping he just means that he'll break up with her and go on to unsatisfy someone else.

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:08

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

Haifisch posted:

Speaking of guys melting down when their dong isn't enough to get a woman off:

Me [18 F] with my boyfriend [18 M] for 1.5 years, I bought a vibrator and he is really mad at me.

quote:

To clarify again, he doesn't mean he wants to physically hurt me or force me to do something that is painful. He means that next time we try, if it hurts me he will stop but won't be understanding and will be mad about it.

You need to :sever:

from this guy before he rapes you, because he will do so the very next time you see him.

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:09

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

extra row of teeth posted:

To contribute: The only ex I had that was insecure about stuff like that also had the smallest penis out of anyone I ever dated lol

I know that age, experience, and no longer having hormones blitzing my wang are the reason for this but I'm still flabbergasted I ever cared about the threat of a bigger, more satisfying dong as a teenager.

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:09

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Imagine living in a world where you think it would be normal or ok for a man twice your size to rape your rear end in a top hat because you got off without him there

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:10

Farmer Crack-Ass: Jan 2, 2001; this is me posting irl

maskenfreiheit posted:

I had to go there a few times for work and they were always super courteous. A little more thorough than when you say you’re going for tourism but polite.

I actually got treated shittier by customs returning from a trip to Japan.

(They got super triggered I had only a carry on for a week long trip and grilled me a lot for some reason)

i'm not surprised, i think anyone deviating from the norm sets them off. i think they're trained to latch onto it as "you might have a fuckin' crimelord here!!!!!!" and/or they're desperate for the slightest excuse to exercise their authority

Baronjutter posted:

As someone who got married mostly for visa reasons I can say that both US and Canadian border folks can both be the most petty authoritarian scumbags who get off ruining peoples trips and even lives if possible. I've crossed a lot of borders but none are ever as unpleasant as US/Canada. I've gone into countries in the middle of a literal war and had more chill, polite, and reasonable border security folk than the US/Canada border.

yeah i've heard this too, i know canadians can be assholes as well. i've just been lucky enough to mostly run into relatively chill canadian border people that appear to be capable of professional courtesy.

Haifisch posted:

Speaking of guys melting down when their dong isn't enough to get a woman off:

Me [18 F] with my boyfriend [18 M] for 1.5 years, I bought a vibrator and he is really mad at me.

she should dump that shitlord immediately

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:11

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Imagine if these same dumbass men actually understood female anatomy and weren't insecure whiny little babies because having a girlfriend who uses a vibrator is often much more able to have orgasms with their partner. :laugh:

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:11

girl pants: Sep 21, 2006; I feel a great disturbance in my pants

that guy posted:

He said that the vibrator better work or else he won't be patient when it hurts anymore.

He's going to rape her either by force or by coercing her into doing something she doesn't want to do.

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:12

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

Pick posted:

Imagine living in a world where you think it would be normal or ok for a man twice your size to rape your rear end in a top hat because you got off without him there

If a twelve foot tall 450 pound man wanted to rape my rear end in a top hat I don't know that I or anyone could do much about it

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:12

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Blade Runner posted:

If a twelve foot tall 450 pound man wanted to rape my rear end in a top hat I don't know that I or anyone could do much about it

Coming soon: the Gentle Ben reunion special.

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:14

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Blade Runner posted:

If a twelve foot tall 450 pound man wanted to rape my rear end in a top hat I don't know that I or anyone could do much about it

I dunno, at that height and weight I think you'd just need to gently push him over and watch his legs shatter.

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:14

The_end: May 17, 2014

girl pants posted:

I'm gonna guess you don't date men

Some of them lose their loving minds if you have a vibrator. Even if you never use it. Even if they've never even seen it. The knowledge that it's there is enough.

Literally just search r/r for "vibrator".

That sucks. I am always exited to see a woman's collection of objects she uses to treat her body like a circus.

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:15

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

TBH I would not want to date a man with a small penis, not for any physical reason, but because they seem to be psychos about it. Unless he really seemed to be unusually emotionally mature and not likely to shoot or rape me

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:16

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Maybe a women avoid small penis men because they�re fuckin scary about it

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:17

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

Basically just imagine the opening scene of 2049 with Bautista and Ryan Gosling only it turns sexual

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:17

Enfys: Feb 17, 2013; The ocean is calling and I must go

mind the walrus posted:

-----------

vaginismus don't real

It's a real possibility and the threat should be taken as such, but here's hoping he just means that he'll break up with her and go on to unsatisfy someone else.

There's a not insignificant number of men who get off on women who find sex painful for whatever reason. Given that his response to her trying to find a way to make sex less painful is "I will rape you", he is 100% one of those guys.

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:17

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

My [21 F] boyfriend [20 M] of six months doesn't like me using a vibrator during sex, but it's the only way I can orgasm

quote:

This is obviously nsfw.

I can't orgasm easily without a vibrator. With fingers, it takes about 20-40 minutes of continuous stimulation, and even then it works less than half of the time. I don't orgasm from oral, I don't orgasm from penetration. The only thing that has seemed to help is getting a vibrator, and I'm so happy that I'm finally able to have orgasms and experience sexual pleasure at its fullest. Just to be clear, it's always been like this. It's not like I used to be able to orgasm from other things but became dependent on the vibrator. I'd had maybe 5 orgasms in my entire life before I bought my first vibrator when I turned 18, and that changed everything. With the vibrator I can orgasm about 75% of the time when I masturbate and 90% of the time during sex.

My boyfriend doesn't get it, though. He feels inadequate and takes my inability to orgasm very personally. He has literally sat there for a full hour just rubbing me until it hurts, trying to get me off. Yet, when I use the vibrator during sex, I can usually orgasm too with very little effort. I'd think this would make him happy, but he says he doesn't think it's "natural" or "fair." I've tried explaining to him that I'm not replacing him with a vibrator. If I just wanted my vibrator, I'd masturbate. I have sex with him using the vibrator because the vibrator makes sex more pleasurable, and the sex makes the vibrations more pleasurable. It seems like a win-win to me, but I've stopped using it during sex because he acts annoyed and pissed off every time I reach for it. I also tried asking him how he would feel if he had erectile dysfunction and I told him he wasn't allowed to use viagra because I should be enough to get him hard, and he said it wasn't the same.

I'm not sure what to do here. I feel like I deserve to orgasm during sex, and if he's not willing to let me do that, then we aren't sexually compatible. I just wish I could help him feel less insecure, because the sex is really great and our relationship itself is otherwise great. Even without the vibrator the sex is pretty great, but I can't orgasm from it, and it seems kind of unfair to me that my boyfriend can have that every single time but he's okay with me not having that.

In case you're wondering, yes, I've talked to a gyno about these issues. She basically said that everything down there looks normal, and some women just have trouble orgasming so I'll have to deal with it.

tl;dr: I need a vibrator to orgasm, boyfriend doesn't like that and wants me to stop using it during sex

B-b-b-but my magic penis should be enough to get you off! :qq:

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:19

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

The_end posted:

That sucks. I am always exited to see a woman's collection of objects she uses to treat her body like a circus.

I smell a theme night with three rings, several elephants, and at least two guest acrobats.

Pick posted:

Maybe a women avoid small penis men because they’re fuckin scary about it

Confirmation bias. You never hear about the chill dudes with tiny wangs.

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:19

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Enfys posted:

There's a not insignificant number of men who get off on women who find sex painful for whatever reason. Given that his response to her trying to find a way to make sex less painful is "I will rape you", he is 100% one of those guys.

Yeah, that is a real thing :smith:

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:19

monkeytennis: Apr 26, 2007; Toilet Rascal

Pick posted:

TBH I would not want to date a man with a small penis, not for any physical reason, but because they seem to be psychos about it. Unless he really seemed to be unusually emotionally mature and not likely to shoot or rape me

Way to break a guy�s heart Pick, loving hell :smith:

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:20

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

Perhaps if your response to any situation is to rape, you should re evaluate how you arrived at that conclusion

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:21

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

Haifisch posted:

B-b-b-but my magic penis

Calm down, Shepard.

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:21

girl pants: Sep 21, 2006; I feel a great disturbance in my pants

Many small penis dudes have complexes about their dongers and you have to really carefully manage their emotions or else they turn what could be a fun night into an angry dude screaming about entitled whore bitches. Or, um, that's what I've heard.

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:21

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

Haifisch posted:

My [21 F] boyfriend [20 M] of six months doesn't like me using a vibrator during sex, but it's the only way I can orgasm

B-b-b-but my magic penis should be enough to get you off!

Pay for his surgery to have a vibrator implanted in his dick. While we're at it pay for it to light up and cum MDMA.

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:21

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

just don�t seem likely to shoot or rape me, man

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:22

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

PetraCore posted:

...yeah that really sounded like a rape threat.

EDIT: Also isn't the medically approved treatment for vaginismus penetration by thin objects to gradually acclimatize the vagina, anyway? Even if the problem is psychological sometimes objects help.

Sounds like he's got that part covered already

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:22

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

Pick posted:

TBH I would not want to date a man with a small penis, not for any physical reason, but because they seem to be psychos about it. Unless he really seemed to be unusually emotionally mature and not likely to shoot or rape me

To be fair my dong is real big and I'm still a broke brained psychotic so this does not hold true

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:22

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Seriously, why can't men be reasonable and understand that vibrators help you feel...wait, whoa, if you're going to understand it that way, at least wash it off when you're done.

Me [25F] with my boyfriend [26M] of 2.5 years, found him using my vibrator..

quote:

Hi r/relationships. I've been a lurker for awhile but have never posted, and never thought I would be, but I'm kind of freaking out right now.

Some background: Me and and my boyfriend have been together for a little over 2 and a half years. We met through a mutual friend (smaller city) and hit it off instantly. I'll spare the details but we've had a great relationship; tons of open communication, great sex life, and just general compatibility. We decided to move in together about the 1 year mark, and although it was stressful at first we got into the swing of things.

I'll provide any other details if necessary, but to get right down to it: I work in retail management. Today we weren't hitting our goals as expected, and we needed to cut some hours. My DM decided that since he was going to be there to close, he would let me go early! I was ecstatic, and planned on surprising my boyfriend.

I get home and came in quietly. I heard the TV playing in the bedroom, so I figured he was relaxing. We definitely jump out at each other from time to time all in good fun, so I thought it would be funny to burst through the bedroom door.

I sneak up and burst in to find... My boyfriend in a position I never expected or really wanted to see him in. Doing things with a vibrator and I KNOW that he doesn't have his own. We have a drawer we keep all of our toys in and this was definitely one of mine.

I didn't know how to react and he saw me before I had shut the door and run out. I left the apartment and called a friend of mine who lives nearby and told her I needed to come over. I didn't tell her exactly what had happened and now I'm still just sitting at her place mortified.

The worst part is.. When he was off to work a few days ago, I decided to use one of my vibrators and noticed it was kind of dirty. I thought that maybe I forgot to clean it last time I used it? I don't know. Right now I'm just kind of shocked that he would 1) use something of mine like that (feel kind of violated?) and 2) never hint that he was interested in stuff like that. It makes me think that maybe it was him not washing it and that maybe this has been going on for some time?

He's been texting me apologizing profusely and saying he wants to talk. I don't even know what to say and I think we're both extremely embarrassed, and nothing like this has ever happened before. I'm not sure if it's ok to post something like this on this subreddit so please let me know if it would be better suited somewhere else. I have no idea what to say or do. I'm sorry for errors, I'm posting from my phone.

tl;dr: I caught my boyfriend using my vibrator and was so shocked I left. He's been texting me apologizing and saying he wants to talk and I have no idea what to say.