Outrail posted:

I bet that principal felt like a shitheel after that... Nah, self righteous assholes don't feel guilt.

Pick posted:

welcome to hell posted:

My brother (27M) is super focused on rules, and won’t let up, even with my (31F) son’s (5M) anxiety

quote:

I told him that my son needed to sit with me sometimes, and he just said, “The kids stay at the kids table.” I kept trying to argue it, but he just kept doing it until he was yelling again, and I had to give up.

quote:

Adam told me he “knows I’m a rule breaker,” and said my son can’t turn out like me if I intend for him to be a successful human.

quote:

My family always holds a Christmas lunch on the 24th. I planned on going with my girlfriend but I just told my mom that I'm too sick to come and I told my girlfriend that it was called off because my mom is too sick. The truth is that I lied to both of them.
My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 18 months now. I've had several relationships before but none of them have been all that serious and although I'm 30 now, I've never introduced a girlfriend to my family—to my mothers dismay. It may not seem like a big deal to some people but it is really difficult for me to let people into my private life so it's a big step for me. Last year we'd only been together for about 6 months and I just wasn't comfortable introducing her to my family. This year I was all set to do it at Christmas lunch, but last week I found out that she lied to me about her past.
When we first got together we talked about our past relationships and she told me that she'd been with two other guys before me. Obviously I'd prefer that it was zero but I was able to push it to the back of my mind. Anyway, last week I found out from one of her friends that she used to be quite promiscuous and she slept with a lot of men before we were together. I asked her about it and she confirmed this information.
We haven't talked about it because I don't really know what to say to her. This is a big issue for me but I don't want to upset her by calling her names or anything like that so I just need some time to mull over my thoughts before we have a proper conversation. I know that some people are going to say that her past doesn't matter, but it does... There's a reason that banks look at your credit rating before giving you a loan—because your past behavior is both indicative of your character and predictive of your future behavior. I'm pretty upset at her for lying to me and I'm seriously considering breaking up with her but as I said we haven't talked about it properly so I'm not sure yet. All I know is that it was a mistake for me to think that it was appropriate to introduce her to my family at this point in time; we're just not there yet and given what I've learned about her it's possible that we never will be.

Wrenever posted:

I lied. I'm not sick and neither is my mother.

dudeness posted:

SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE LIED TO ME!

*lies to her*

Outrail posted:

Did anyone bring up this extremely obvious point?

Also lol at people who get butt hurt over their girlfriend not being a pure as driven snow. It's 2017dickhead, people like to gently caress and it's good to be with someone who likes to gently caress.

welcome to hell posted:

My brother (27M) is super focused on rules, and won’t let up, even with my (31F) son’s (5M) anxiety

Outrail posted:

Did anyone bring up this extremely obvious point?

Also lol at people who get butt hurt over their girlfriend not being a pure as driven snow. It's 2017dickhead, people like to gently caress and it's good to be with someone who likes to gently caress.

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

I don't know the lady equivalent, but if my sibling said 20% of poo poo to me let alone my child, I think I might have immediately violated one of the obvious rules like "no expressing distaste by immediately turning around and peeing on the kitchen floor".

maskenfreiheit posted:

My [F22] bf [M23] says me watching crime shows is annoying and means I like drama?

Khazar-khum posted:

They don't want to be compared and found wanting.

welcome to hell posted:

My brother (27M) is super focused on rules, and won’t let up, even with my (31F) son’s (5M) anxiety

quote:

HanabinoOto
So you just... let him tell at your 5 year old without yelling back?


hhahhh65 (OP)
Escalating with my brother doesn’t accomplish anything. He’ll shut down, or try to match my tone or aggression. Either way, nobody wins and the situation can get rockier. It doesn’t become violent but he starts to hurt himself- pulls his hair, scratches at his skin, etc.- and will start screeching. All I could do was remove my son from the situation, and try to get him to a more reasonable mindset later. Adam is very difficult to argue with.

A Spherical Sponge posted:

man the follow up comments are pretty


this guy is a practicing paediatric doctor

Wrenever posted:

I lied. I'm not sick and neither is my mother.

maskenfreiheit posted:

So he thinks because she’s hosed in the past she’ll gently caress in the future? 🤔

Isn’t that a good thing? Nothing sucks worse than women who demand commitment before sex then 🎉surprise🎉: she’s got a tiny pea sized libido and will pitch a fit if you want sex more than once every two weeks then when you break up because you’re not sexually compatible will tell all your friends you “used her” and “only want sex” and you’re a terrible person

OP found a GF who fucks - you hold onto that!

Brother Entropy posted:

if your girlfriend has hosed she'll know you're bad at loving and getting better at loving isn't an option if you're a selfish rear end

mind the walrus posted:

If that's real then the OP really is dumb as poo poo

Barudak posted:

To become a sexpert is easy, it just takes 10,000 hours of practice. The hard part of course is getting to 10,000 hours while also putting up 4,000+ points in a season, 100 points in a game, and being a 13 time NBA all star.

Khazar-khum posted:

I wonder what the rule is regarding murder.

Outrail posted:

Did anyone bring up this extremely obvious point?

Also lol at people who get butt hurt over their girlfriend not being a pure as driven snow. It's 2017dickhead, people like to gently caress and it's good to be with someone who likes to gently caress.

blarzgh posted:

Because it's Christmas, I'll play devil's advocate:

Is there a number where it starts to matter? Like, over 100? Over 1,000? 10,000!?!

blarzgh posted:

Because it's Christmas, I'll play devil's advocate:

Is there a number where it starts to matter? Like, over 100? Over 1,000? 10,000!?!

fruit on the bottom posted:

Although even in that case it’s not really the number itself per se.

Pick posted:

please do not ruin barudak's joke

sabbathi posted:

this reads like a control thing, literally nobody gives a poo poo about any of that. the "says a lot about you" portion is super loving ugly

quote:

I binge watch Crime Watch
I spent hours on TruTv’s crime library
It’s just an interest...idk. Just stuff I like to look at on my free time? I guess these interests inspired my career path of psychiatry
I was trying to get him to watch an episode of Crime Watch with me. He pauses it halfway and says, “Why am I watching this?” And I just respond with, “Idk, look how much of a sociopath this guy is. It’s crazy!”

maskenfreiheit posted:

[33/f] who would like her boyfriends to stop forcing sex. (self.relationship_advice)

Pick posted:

please do not ruin barudak's joke

Brother Entropy posted:

no joke any of us could ever make about that story would top comparing your girlfriend's vag to her credit history and your dick to a bank loan

maskenfreiheit posted:

So he thinks because she’s hosed in the past she’ll gently caress in the future? 🤔

Isn’t that a good thing? Nothing sucks worse than women who demand commitment before sex then 🎉surprise🎉: she’s got a tiny pea sized libido and will pitch a fit if you want sex more than once every two weeks then when you break up because you’re not sexually compatible will tell all your friends you “used her” and “only want sex” and you’re a terrible person

OP found a GF who fucks - you hold onto that!

quote:

I’ve been with my husband [32M] for about a decade, so I know his family pretty well. And I love them; they’re great. But I’ve grown frustrated with how gender dynamics play out when we’re with them for the holidays. I don’t know if I should suck it up and try to enjoy our time with them (we only see them for a week or two a year, because we live far away), or if I should make myself annoying by addressing it.

I’ll give a couple of examples. There’s an unspoken assumption that women will do most of the housework, like cooking and cleaning. The men will frequently help—loading the dishwasher, setting the table, etc.—but it is always under the guise of “helping” and is not expected. We divvy up the cooking by families, one family each night (there are four hetero couples), and almost always it is the woman half of the couple in the kitchen while her partner sits on the couch. My husband and I are the only exception: he does at least half of the housework both here and when we’re at home.

Another example is that when we’re all hanging out together—eating a meal, sitting in the living room, whatever—the men constantly talk over the women. (Again, my husband is mostly an exception, partly because I’ve pointed this out to him.) I’m certain that none of them realize that they’re doing it. But if a dude is telling a story or making a comment, he gets to tell it from beginning to end, whereas a woman is constantly cut off, interrupted, or just talked over by a man who feels that he, too, has something to share at that precise moment in conversation. (This latter example is particularly irritating to me, because I spent years at his family’s thinking that I was just super boring, because no one was listening to me, until it suddenly clicked a few years ago that they don’t listen to any of the women very closely.)

There are other examples, but I think that’s enough to give a sense of what I mean. The thing is, his family all ostensibly believes in equality between men and women! It’s something that they’ve even brought up over the years. So in some ways it’s more annoying, because we will have these occasional conversations about how women are treated poorly in some field or other, and then we’ll have dinner and all of these same assumptions are at play.

I don’t know what to do about this, if anything. His family already kind of sees me as a raging feminist (which I am, I suppose), and I feel like they would probably secretly roll their eyes if I pointed out some of the dynamics here. And I definitely don’t want to lecture them just for the sake of lecturing. But I don’t know if I want to just keep my mouth shut and deal with this for another few decades plus, especially because I think that probably his family would WANT to change if they became more aware of what was going on. I’m sure lots of Redditors have dealt with similar dynamics…does anyone have any suggestions?

TL;DR: My in-laws talk about gender equality while still talking over women and expecting them to do most of the housework, and I don't know what to do about it.