Pick posted:

:|

Pick posted:

I [26F] just got off the phone with my sister [39F] she does not want her son [15M] anymore because she has a new love interest and wants to start a family with himPersonal issues
1,697 points 420 comments submitted 1 year ago by Alex_Stephanie to r/relationships

Yeah so I am about to kick pick my nephew up in half an hour. His mother does not want him anymore. Her exact words were " He is from a failed relationship, I will sign him over to you or what ever I need to do. But I want a fresh start with _________ and start a new family"

She met this guy and he is moving in tomorrow. My Nephew Seth just finished his freshmen year on friday is on summer vacation. As I said I am going to go pick him up in half an hour because she told me too.

Seth is a well behaved kid, it's not like he acts out or is disrespectful. Not once have a I heard my sister complain about that and he actually gets really good grades.

I just don't know what to do, I am more than prepared to take Seth in. I have a good job and I recently single so I can devote time to him. It's just this whole situation is a cluster and I don't know what to do.

tl;dr: my sister is kicking out her son because she does not want him anymore. She wants to start a new family with her new man

The_end posted:

I would take the child in and disown my sister.

Rubellavator posted:

Imagine she starts a new family and ends up with a special needs child.

Pick posted:

:|

new phone who dis posted:

Get all the legal papers signed and then file for child support.

quote:

Me [25f] with my husband [33m] of two years, WHY WONT HE SHOWER??Relationships
1,408 points 376 comments submitted 1 year ago by whywontheSHOWER to r/relationships
Okay so a year ago or so now husband and I got pregnant, we found out in March, gave birth in November. During the pregnancy sex was very painful for me, I asked multiple Doctors about it and was literally just told each time to 'use more lube' - lubrication was not the issue. No one took my concerns seriously and sex made me have a panic attack because although I knew it shouldn't hurt the baby, it felt like it did. So we stopped having sex mid April then didn't at all until this month.

During this time he stopped keeping up with basic hygiene. I don't know if it was 'we're not having sex why bother' or he just didn't think to. But his showers dropped to once a week. Then once every two weeks. Then it was like, I couldn't remember the last time he even had a shower and I recoiled even touching him.

I've told him this. I told him when he goes longer than four days without a shower it's absolutely disgusting to me and I don't even want to touch him. I've told him this as gently and politely as I could, and we've had this discussion at least five times.

I thought maybe it was depression related. He told me before that his parents didn't pay attention to him after age 12 and that he'd go without showering as a way of trying to get their attention, he says the longest he went was three months before they noticed.

So I though maybe the lack of sex while pregnant was making him depressed? But he was so sweet and understanding the whole time, anytime it was mentioned he'd just say 'we have our whole lives to have loads of sex I can handle a few more months so that you're comfortable', and I've tried gently asking if the lack of showers were due to depression and he just says 'ohno I just get too involved in whatever we're doing and forget to'

Now like two weeks ago we successfully had sex after child birth, and it's great, just like before! Except he still won't shower regularly. I'll remind him and sometimes he will, but other times he just kinda looks at me then goes back to what he was doing and doesn't shower.

And I don't get why. I've explained he needs to have a shower at LEAST every fourth day, but I'd prefer he live by 'if I didn't have a shower yesterday I need one today'.

I even tried going a week without showering myself, then when he wanted to get busy but was disgusted when I requested oral because I hadn't showered in so long. I was like NOW YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL. WHY WOULD I WANT TO SUCK YOUR DIRTY DICK? And the thing that turns me on most is bjs, if I don't do it I don't get wet enough to have sex.

I've tried straight up "hey have a shower" and I get a dirty look like I'm a nag.

I've tried suggesting we take a sexy shower together - I specifically went out and bought a thing that splits the water so there can be two showerheads so we both can have water instead of yknow one of us standing there cold. He's turned me down every time I've asked.

Yesterday we were out grocery shopping and I tried to be flirty (I'm not good at it, never have been) and rubbed his leg while suggesting that he should have a shower while I make supper.. He just looked at me but didn't say anything. Then didn't shower when we got home. I asked him in a joking way if he was gonna shower or not later and he just shrugged, then started the baby's bedtime feed. And I went to bed and cried myself to sleep.

I know he wants to have sex with me. He tries regularly. And I tell him 'too bad you didn't have a shower today' whenever it's been too long since he had a shower. So how come when I make it blatantly obvious that I want to have sex with him he won't loving shower??

And when I came down for the night feed, there's porn open on his phone (wasn't snooping, we use an app to track babies feed and forgot my phone upstairs so went to enter it on his, we both do this regularly and don't have passwords or mind the other using their phone). So he couldn't have a shower to have sex with me but he could jerk off.

I kind of just lost my poo poo at him on facebook messenger, which isn't really any good but ffs I'm sick of this poo poo. I'm loving sick of it. I told him that, I love him but I am not staying with someone who can't do something as basic as shower regularly. It's disgusting and a turn off, and now the only thing affecting our sex life is HIM and his lack of showering and he needs to loving fix it. The fact that he can't even put in the minimum effort for me and just have a goddamn shower makes me feel like absolute poo poo. If I'm not even worth him having a goddamn shower for why should I be with him?

Like goddamn I just want to love him and gently caress him and suck his goddamn dick why the gently caress can't he loving shower????

Hughlander posted:

Women are garbage.

Way too patient wife posted:

Like goddamn I just want to love him and gently caress him and suck his goddamn dick why the gently caress can't he loving shower????

Fartbox posted:

who are these men lol

"imma just stop showering "


like,

what

quote:

My [16F] English teacher [30?M] said we were lovers in a past life?

So my english teacher is normally a cool guy. A bunch of us hang out with him during lunch and just watch random youtube video's or do work so that we don't have to go to the cafeteria. He's into a lot of zen new age stuff, and likes to talk about his meditations with us along with his attempts at lucid dreaming and spirit animals.

A few of us thought it pretty cool and we've been badgering him to teach us a bit, so he loaned us a few books and got us started on our way. Till this point he'd never acted weirdly with any of us and we all thought him a pretty cool dude for letting us have a place to hang out.

The weird thing for me is that when we were all talking about past lives and how cool it would be to remember one, he took me aside and told me that in a past life the both of us were lovers, though he didn't go into much detail. At the time I was just flustered and didn't really respond and he seemed a bit red too. I just don't get why he would tell me something like that and now I don't really know what I should say to him tomorrow without making things even more awkward.

Any advice?

tl;dr: English teacher confused the heck out of me.

IAmNotYourRealDad posted:

... ... Wasn't this one of the plot-lines in that game "Dream Daddy"?

Rubellavator posted:

Sociopaths with children are scary

maskenfreiheit posted:

Insinuating that the mentally ill should be sterilized isn't a good look either Bekannter

IAmNotYourRealDad posted:

... ... Wasn't this one of the plot-lines in that game "Dream Daddy"?


edit: just re-read it. Nevermind.

quote:

So I have an update for everyone, but it's probably going to be disappointing.

To start with, I live in a real small ma and pop town, where everyone knows everyone. Heck my graduating class is only going to be 60 students tops.

I don't have the best relationship with my dad (moms out of the picture) and it's difficult at times to talk to him. Some people said to go to the Principal but i'm not sure it'll work out. He's barely ever at school and there's rumors that he's a bit of a drunk, so I don't think he'll really care.

The councilor is also only ever at school for an hour a day tops, and likes to leave her door open... which coincidentally let's everyone hear what she's talking about with whoever's with her. Nothing stays confidential with her as some of us learned the hard way.

So to put it bluntly... all the adults in my life right now kinda suck.

I told my teacher that what he said made me feel really uncomfortable and he immediately apologized for it and said he didn't mean to make me feel uncomfortable at all, he even said that he's happily married right now and had only wanted to tell me since I showed such an interest in the discussion over reincarnation and past lives. Afterwards he offered to buy pizza for our group tomorrow (it's about 6 of us all together) as an apology and to help things be less awkward again.

He's going to be my teacher prob till I graduate (since he's also a study hall teacher and does work in the library) so I decided to just ignore what he said for now and if he tries anything again i'll just go somewhere else for lunch.

I know everyone wants me to report him, but I really don't think it'll do anything, our principal was even arrested once at school and yet he's still here, and I really don't want to be known as the girl that got everyone's favourite teacher fired, I have a hard enough life at school as it is, just the thought of how everyone would react then scares the heck out of me.

Sorry everyone, I know this is not what you were expecting... :/

tl;dr: I really don't want to become more of a pariah then I already, so i'm just ignoring what he said and will hang out elsewhere if he tries something. Sorry

quote:

I'm (27f) a teacher, and my principal (40sM) asked me out. I feel very upset and don't know what to do.

I am a middle school teacher. Last year, we got a new principal in our school who is very unpopular among the teachers. He has been very critical in all of his evaluations, and shared some unkind words with our teachers when he has had a criticism.

I, on the other hand, have received glowing evaluations as a teacher under every observation. I have yet to hear mean or harsh criticisms from him, and I even got a lot of new things for my classroom this year that no other teacher got.

I'm really upset and feeling like poo poo now. I thought he appreciated me and had respect for me as a teacher. I really did.

After school today, I went to his office to ask him about a semester exam for a particular student. After we discussed the student, he got up and shut the door and sat in the seat beside me. I got a pit in my stomach because I though I was being disciplined for doing something wrong.

He then said that he had heard me saying that I get together with friends on the weekends to play cards. He asked if I'd ever like to get together, just the two of us, and play cards at his house. He was very clear he did not mean it as a date because he is my direct supervisor, and that he meant it "just as friends." Not sure I believe that. He just asked me not long ago if I was making another visit soon to [state where my ex boyfriend lives], and I told him that I wasn't with that guy I used to visit, so no.

My face got really hot and I stammered that I would not be interested in dating, but "maybe sometime" because I was too nervous to say no with him sitting next to me.
I have been really upset since I got home. I've been so stupid to actually think that I was a great teacher. I feel like it's all been a lie and I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. All of my glowing evaluations mean nothing.

I plan to go in his office before school very early tomorrow, and tell him that I thought about it and am not interested and think that it would be a bad idea to spend time together, under any circumstance. What is the best way to approach this? How do I pick my self-esteem back up?

tl;dr: My principal and boss asked me out, "not as a date," and I'm really steamed and upset.

quote:

Family and friends calling me shallow because I (21F) broke up with my bf (27M) after my weight lossRelationships
843 points 368 comments submitted 1 year ago by bfnweightloss to r/relationships
As a couple we decided that we were going to get in shape together. We love being outside and exercise, we used to be health nuts and taking care of the food we ate. Even though we continued to exercise daily, our food plan wasn't great, so we decided to change it. So, we developed a "health plan". Because of it, I went from 155 lbs and 5'10 to 125 lbs (currently adding muscle and toning) but he stayed the same weight (6'3 and 180 lbs). I started to get fit, lots of guys started to pay attention to me and I've been asked several times to be a model. I won't try to say that this wasn't good: it was really good for me and my ego and my really low self esteem is now at a normal level. Life's good, I'm happy and I'm feeling good. Bf was happy with my new body, always grabbing me, but didn't like the new attention which is understandable in my opinion.

He and I continued to exercise until I was 140 lbs, then he started to come up with excuses. Then, after I achieved my goal weight (135 lbs), my bf started to ask for pizza and other things. I said that it was ok for me if he ate it, but I didn't want. He went nuts, started telling me that I was obsessed with weight loss, that I'm an anorexic and hurtful things. Then, when I suggested running, hiking, some physical activity that we always did in the past, he would always say no and suggest other thing (watch a movie, sex, cooking) and would make me feel guilty of leaving to do some exercise (as I've said before, we've done it daily since we met until my '140 lbs' mark). I was starting to feel really unhappy as all the things I loved to (that we both loved to do on the past) were being neglected and I am just not a person to stay indoors and watching tv and relaxing. I hate it. I have lots of energy.

The final thing: I discovered why he didn't lose weight, when he was "trying so hard, I don't get it" (his words). He packed his healthy lunch at home and then would dump it (I'M SO loving ANGRY, I HATE WHEN PEOPLE WASTE FOOD) and he would eat pizza/a sub/McDonald's. I saw a receipt, asked him about it and after some time in which he tried to say he didn't remember, proceeded to confess! I broke off with him right there, as I've had enough.

Now, he told everyone that I became a shallow bitch when I lost weight and I want to have a man with abs and be eye-candy. Everyone believes him, this is a small town, and I'm being seen as the loving shallow bitch. At the same time, he's sending dozens of messages everyday (100+) asking me to consider it, that he loves me. What can I do? I love him a lot and I want to be with him, but now I just don't recognize him and our fun times of the past are completely lost. I fell in love with his full of energy, always moving persona, not this lazy person (a shadow of what he was). He promised me that he would change and asked me to go to the doctor, because I'm completely obsessed with it (with all these troubles, I lost the additional 10 pounds which makes his story even more credible).

Should I go back to him and trust that he is going to be back and go to a doctor as he asked? Am I completely delusional and out of line? I hate being badmouthed like it, I don't have thick skin and these comments really hurt me. Reddit, help.

tl;dr: I lost weight. Bf started to refuse to do the activities that we've always done (exercise, even when my weight was higher) and lied to me about eating healthy. Everyone thinks that I broke up with him because I lost weight, not because of this. He promises that he will change his ways if I go to a doctor. Do I sound obsessed and he is right? Or should I stay firm?

OMGVBFLOL posted:

there's an update too


i give it 75% he's a pedo grooming teens 25% he's a small-town weirdo with poor boundaries

quote:

My husband and I are married for a year now. We dated and got engaged 2 years before that. We are deeply in love . We live in a city far away from our parents and during weekends/vacations, I stay at my parents house and he stays at his. We don't go out much during the week and that's the time I look forward to spend going out.

Last week I suggest going to a show we both were excited for months ago. I kept asking him should I book tickets ? He ignored me. I asked him 5 times during the day and I get the same response. I got mad at him because if he doesn't want to or thinking about it , SAY SO !

He always do that. Whenever I make plans he ignores me. I feel like he drops me off at my parents and forget I exist until it's time to leave. For NYE , I tried to make plans with him and suggesting ideas, it was like talking to a wall. It's like he feels bad to say no to me so instead it's easier to ignore me.

I was really looking forward for it, we have 2 days off work. And the next weekend is going to suck since I'm working. I was pissed but didn't say anything.

During the trip to my parents house we kept quite the whole ride. When we reached my parents' I wanted to talk about it before I go in. He said "oh just spare me " and dropped off my bags like I'm something he's getting rid off.

I'm deeply hurt by that, especially that I know now like every vacation/weekend he's going to ignore me the whole time. So I yelled at him that I hate him.

I feel bad but I don't want to apologize. I hate how unwanted he makes me feel. I know I'm at fault for saying that but he's the kind of person who ignores the issue/person instead of talking it out. We always have the same problem.

Afterwards I explain to him how it makes me feel. I'm tired of talking about the same issue over and over. He knows he has that habit, he knows I feel lovely when he does it.

I don't bug him about spending time with me, I suggest to him actually that he goes out with friends since he prefers usually to just stay home. Instead of staying home, why not go out ?! What should I do ?

*TL;DR: I had an argument with my husband and I told him I hate him. I don't. I lashed out to make him notice how much I'm hurting and now I don't know what to do. *

Pick posted:

today on internet

quote:

To recap last post, husband stopped showering regularly during my pregnancy, we had stopped having sex due to pain and I contributed it to that. Now that baby is here and we can have sex, still doesn't shower regularly. End of my rope and flipped my poo poo on him over facebook messenger while he slept hah.

Alrighty to answer some common questions last time:

He does work, but he works in the type of environment where if he is smelly it isn't noticeable because there's lots of other smells, and he doesn't deal with any customers, just like three or four co-workers. Part of why he changes immediately once he gets home, but he figures his entire body is covered and he washes his hands enough, the smells don't cling to him? He says he doesn't sweat much, so he doesn't smell.

That sounds dumb. But honestly, I can't smell, haven't been able to at all since I was little (claims my mom, I don't remember ever being able to), so I've honestly no idea. But I have brought it up and asked some family that would definitely tell me the truth and they say he doesn't smell (I had an ex with BO and they came right out and told me he did, so I trust they would). But I really don't know for certain.

Why don't I need him to shower daily? We live in Canada. It's cold, and we're a family with dry skin issues. If he showered every day his scalp would be so flakey you'd think he had his own little snow cloud. Every second day is ideal, third would be okay given life does get hectic with the baby, as long as yknow, no major physical activity and sweating occurs.

I don't think it's drugs. I know where every dime of his money goes.

One thing I mentioned in comments but not in the post was that we had previously had a miscarriage, so we were both very concerned over the painful sex. I saw a few doctors and none took my pain seriously, just told me I was probably swollen and to use more lube. Each insisted that sex couldn't hurt the baby no matter what so I don't think they were that concerned, but it just hurt and felt like something was wrong when we had sex so we didn't. Up until he stopped showering regularly we did things other than PIV.

I can't think of any other questions... So moving on to what happened.

Since I do the night feed (Which I posted the OP during) he does the morning feed and I sleep in either until he goes to work or I wake up. So he read the messages and got to think over them while I slept.

Once I was up, he hopped right into the shower.

After we had a talk. He said that he has been depressed for a while he just didn't recognize it, and very stressed, mainly over money and the baby coming and figuring out how to afford everything. He doesn't make a lot of money, and I only work casual hours, so it's been a bit of struggle.

He said he 100% understands the lack of sex during and that honestly wasn't fueling any of it, he was too worried about hurting me or the baby to enjoy it when he tried anyways, and didn't want to lose another baby. He insists he wasn't purposely not showering just it wasn't on his mind.

He says he didn't realize that when I was telling/suggesting he shower that I wanted to have sex, apparently if I don't come out and say "I want to have sex go shower" it's not obvious that that's what I'm trying to say. It's been hard to get back into the 'we can have sex' mindframe he says because he got so used to not having it. Not that he doesn't want to, he's just been in the default mode of not expecting any.

I said he shouldn't need sex as an incentive to keep up with basic cleanliness. He agreed. He's apologized for brushing off my telling him to shower, he says he just didn't think it was as big of a thing that I made it out to be, that it hadn't been as long as I said, or that days kind of blurr together so sometimes he thought he did shower the day before or something. He provided a few various reasons, but ultimately he said it was just him being stupid, the reasons don't matter, I had an issue with it and wasn't being unreasonable at all, so he should have fixed it, and he's sorry.

I also explained, again, that his being consistently clean leads to a more spontaneous sex life. If he's not clean I have to hint that he needs to shower, if he is I can just yknow, come on to him and get things started.

So it's been nine days since the OP. He's showered every second day since, I haven't had to tell/ask him to at all. Boned Sunday, Monday, Tuesday.. Unfortunately I got my first post-partum period Wednesday (I forgot how much those things suck, but it's still better than pregnancy!), and neither of us like period sex, but he still kept up with showering every second day!

He also has an appointment with his Doctor next week for a recommendation to a counselor. He says since the baby's been born he's felt a lot better because it's way easier than he expected cause our baby is super easy, and it's financially less than he expected, so far anyways. We cloth diaper, so kid only costs formula, which my mom is more than willing to buy whenever we need any. Though we know he'll cost more and get harder as it goes, so he needs to find better ways to deal with the stress than putting his hygiene on the backburner, and he agrees so will be trying to figure out how to deal with the counselor.

So, things seem to be going well. Hopefully he keeps up with this. I don't think he realized I'd be willing to leave him over this, and he needed to hear that. I've avoided coming out and saying that because my Mom has tried to impress on me that I should never throw around the divorce word and threaten to leave, that it's manipulative and controlling. I'd agree if it were something like 'buy me this/do this/whatever or it's over!' but it's not, or if it was something I wasn't actually willing to leave him over. I see nothing wrong with explaining that this behaviour is a dealbreaker and that our relationship will end if he continues, it's completely his choice what to do after that. Am I wrong?

TL;DR : He apologised. Was depressed and stressed over baby coming, still feels that way but less so. He has a Dr appointment next week, and has showered consistently since our talk. Fingers crossed he doesn't relapse back to his old gross ways.

Pick posted:

Farmer Crack-rear end posted:

Why don't I need him to shower daily? We live in Canada. It's cold, and we're a family with dry skin issues. If he showered every day his scalp would be so flakey you'd think he had his own little snow cloud. Every second day is ideal, third would be okay given life does get hectic with the baby, as long as yknow, no major physical activity and sweating occurs.