- girl pants
- Sep 21, 2006
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I feel a great disturbance in my pants
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Because guys can’t actually spunk 24/7.
Shameful. This is why we're going to replace you all with fuckbots once we institute the matriarchy.
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Jan 7, 2018 05:00
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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#
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Jun 8, 2024 22:10
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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I [27/M] accidentally gave my girlfriend [28/F] an allergic reaction
quote:
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years as of now. We live together, and she is super allergic to peanuts- but I love peanut butter. It has been a major sacrifice, but her health and safety is leagues ahead of my want for a PB&J. I’ve tried sunbutter and other PB alternatives, but it’s been sort of a struggle. I haven’t found anything that holds a torch to my good old fashioned. So, I started trying other sandwiches. It’s an OK replacement, but again, nothing matters more than my girlfriend being happy, healthy, and safe at the end of the day.
She went on a business trip this week, and I had the place to myself. So, I bought myself a jar of peanut butter. Literally, I went through it within the first few days, so I bought another. Before she came home, our dog had peed all over my work bag, so I had to take one of her many. I made myself a PB&J to take with, pledged to wash the bag later, and took off. One of my coworkers invited me out for lunch, so my PB&J was forgotten about. That night, she had gotten really sick on the plane home, so I ditched my stuff at home, rushed to the airport, and tried to make her comfortable at home. The next morning, she was feeling well enough to head into work, and packed up the bag I had borrowed. I was still asleep, and had no idea. Apparently, she got to work and her stomach was hurting again. She figured she might be hungry, and dug through the bag to see if she could find anything. She found the PB&J, all wrapped up, and assumed she’d left it there and forgotten about it (she literally will eat anything- I’ve seen her drink milk that’s been expired for a week). Well, she ate it, went into anaphylaxis, and had to go to the ER.
My girlfriend knows it’s my fault. I apologized a million times over, and she’s still really mad. She totally has a right to be, too. That sandwich should’ve been my #1 priority the minute I got home- I should’ve at least told her I’d borrowed the bag- and I should’ve never made it in the first place. How do I make this right? I love her so much, and seeing her int his much pain has been unbearable. She’s home this weekend, and won’t even talk to me. I feel so awful about what I did. How can I fix this?
TL;DR: I caused my girlfriend to have an allergic reaction.
From the comments
quote:
This woman, who has a severe food allergy, decided that the cure for a stomach ache was to eat a week old, unrefrigerated mystery sandwich she couldn't even remember making.
Either this is a troll or she is going to end up winning a Darwin Award.
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Jan 7, 2018 05:07
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- Admiral Ray
- May 17, 2014
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Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy
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My roommate walked in on me [21f] and my fiance [22m] at a very compromising moment. Now she is getting involved in my relationship and I’m about to lose it on her.
Hi reddit. I’m dying of embarrassment, and incredibly angry, and I don’t know what to do about this stuff.
So my roommate, call her Kate. She’s a sweet girl, deep down, but she comes from a very conservative background and it has caused some friction between us.
Also, she has a really bad habit of opening the door to my room without knocking. I’ve considered putting a lock on the door over it, but she has promised to work on it, so I haven’t bothered yet.
But this morning, my fiancé (together 1 year) was over at my place hanging out, and my roommate had told me she was going to her parents’ for the weekend. Naturally, having my fiancé over and having the apartment to ourselves, we wound up in bed pretty quick.
My roommate, for some reason I haven’t yet figured out, didnt wind up going to her parents. She turned around at some point and came back to the apartment. When she got back, she opened my door to tell me something, and found us in bed.
Or more specifically, she saw my boyfriend straddling me while I was handcuffed to the headboard with his cum all over my face. Sorry for being graphic, but I figured someone is going to ask what the hell she saw.
After a couple seconds of all three of us staring wide-eyed back and forth, she turned around and walked out.
The fiance and I cleaned up, and then my fiancé called an apology through the door to her room. She told him to leave her alone.
My fiancé said he felt like he was making her uncomfortable, so he offered to leave for a while until we straighten things out.
After he was gone, my roommate came out and said she wanted to talk. She started by asking why I wanted to marry someone “like that”. I asked her what she meant and she told me that he clearly doesn’t respect me if he would do things like that to me.
I did a little mental sigh at her naïveté, and tried to explain to her that I was a fully willing participant, and my fiancé is very respectful of me.
It slowly turned into an argument that finally capped off with her telling me that she doesn’t want my fiancé at the apartment anymore, she doesn’t believe he has any respect for me, and if I let him do it, then I’m a whore.
At that last word I decided that we clearly aren’t going to have a productive discussion and I left to join my fiancé at his place.
So now what? I’m mad as hell at this girl. I know the place is hers too, but it’s also the only really private place I can be with my fiancé (he lives in a military barracks), so I don’t want to ban him from the apartment.
There’s also the little fact that when I think about what she said to me I kinda want to slap her. I know it’s her upbringing talking and she’s not entirely responsible, but I don’t want to engage her. I can probably get away with crashing at my fiancé’s place for one night, but (you know, because Army barracks) I won’t be able to stay much longer than that.
TLDR: My roomie bathed in on my fiancé and I at a bad time. Now she wants him banned from the apartment and called me a whore.
face cummed, so what
Your roommate is trash and will always be sexually frustrated. Sign her up for sex magazines so she can chill out.
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Jan 7, 2018 05:08
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- Haifisch
- Nov 13, 2010
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Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!
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Taco Defender
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I [20F] found messages my boyfriend [23M] sent revealing he is very right-wing and secretly hates my ethnicity
quote:I have been in an interracial relationship with my current boyfriend for a few months now. We have met each others' families, know each others' passwords, and have incorporated our close friends into one big social circle. We try to be very open with each other, so there is very little we keep to ourselves. Both of us can access the others' communications, although neither of us has actually made use of this because we trust each other greatly and respect the other's privacy. The only time I see what he's up to on his phone is when I look over his shoulder while we're laying together, and vice versa.
We have a habit of browsing the web on our personal devices while we're in a room together, so I occasionally look at what his screen displays since we have similar tastes. He knows this and will usually angle his screen towards me if he's looking at something we are both interested in. However, once when I was absorbed in an article I was reading, I noticed he was typing very furtively with his screen angled away from me, something he has never done before. While pretending to be fixated on my article, I darted my eyes over to his screen and saw a derogatory comment he made about my ethnicity on a messaging app. I memorized the username he was speaking to and waited until he went to bed before logging into his account and reading the rest of the messages.
It turns out the user he was speaking to was someone he once told me was a very close confidante of his, whom he has yet to introduce me to because we live in different countries. He has informed this friend of our relationship, and his friend was cautioning him against racemixing. Amongst intimate details of my boyfriend's sexual encounters were a variety of racist, white supremacist remarks. While he only had good things to say about me, he did badmouth members of my racial group, warning his friend against an ethnicity very similar to mine. I learned that he is concerned with preserving the purity of the white race, but he has justified his relationship with me to his friend by saying he is not considering the possibility of racemixed offspring with me because neither of us is thinking of children at this stage in our lives (which is true). I have extrapolated from the tone of the conversation that he believes me to be "one of the good ones". He also said that he was staying with me because he is attracted to my racial group and is satisfied by my behavior.
He has given no indication of these nationalistic tendencies during our relationship. He acknowledges that we are of very different backgrounds but has never shown any signs of discomfort because of it, and we even joke about the social progress our relationship represents. I knew that he was a fair bit more conservative than I am when we started dating, because I had a very liberal upbringing thanks to my family, but we initially bonded over our mutual decisions not to cut people out of our lives simply for being different or thinking differently from us. This is and has been an important foundation for our relationship.
I am shocked and saddened by my recent revelation but am not sure how to proceed from here. Regardless of his political leanings, he has been an amazing boyfriend, and has always supported me and made me feel wanted. I am thinking back to all of our interactions and not once has he belittled me or otherwise mocked any aspect of my culture. Nor has he made any offensive comments, online or in person, about my family or close friends (who share my ethnic background).
I also feel somewhat guilty for transgressing on his privacy by going through the messages, which were clearly not meant for me to see. I feel like I've shown that I don't trust him, even though I know he would never be unfaithful or otherwise wish me harm. Should I ignore the messages and continue our relationship as usual? Or do I admit to going through them and confront him about it? How should I go about either course of action?
TLDR: Read some messages, discovered that the boyfriend is secretly a white supremacist and hates my people but not me or anyone I know personally, seeking suggestions for the next step.
Edit: (small update) I have been reading through more of his messages to his friends and have pieced together that his previous "ethnic" girlfriend lied to him about her family situation to move in with him and then robbed him. I think this is at least partially responsible for his intense dislike of my people. I don't think this excuses anything he's said, but it makes me question how serious he is about white supremacy and the anti-minority rhetoric. 
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Jan 7, 2018 05:16
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- Fantastic Flyer
- Aug 9, 2017
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"My boyfriend wants every member of my ethnic group to die, but I remember how nice he was before I knew this. Help!"
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Jan 7, 2018 05:22
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- burial
- Sep 13, 2002
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actually, that won't be necessary.
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Because guys can’t actually spunk 24/7.
Sure, but I’d think he could manage a time or two a day. It’s not like she should have to reapply very many times before she’s successful in driving prude-roommate away.
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Jan 7, 2018 05:26
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- Absurd Alhazred
- Mar 27, 2010
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by Athanatos
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Sure, but I’d think he could manage a time or two a day. It’s not like she should have to reapply very many times before she’s successful in driving prude-roommate away.
He's living in barracks which to me means he's in the military, so not free to donate sperm to her at her convenience.
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Jan 7, 2018 05:28
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- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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He's living in barracks which to me means he's in the military, so not free to donate sperm to her at her convenience.
Sound to me like there's a whole platoon available to provide sperm donations.
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Jan 7, 2018 05:37
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- Fantastic Flyer
- Aug 9, 2017
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Can you really say your man loves you if he doesn't get his platoon to bukakke you every day?
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Jan 7, 2018 05:38
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- Brother Entropy
- Dec 27, 2009
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Can you really say your man loves you if he doesn't get his platoon to bukakke you every day?
porn titles just get more and more creative
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Jan 7, 2018 05:41
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- Absurd Alhazred
- Mar 27, 2010
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by Athanatos
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Friend [29F] wants to pick up where we left off after ghosting me [29F] 8 years ago.
quote:
This girl and I went to college together and we were each other’s closest friends. Living together, double dates, traveling together etc.
From junior year forward, she was in a long-distance relationship with this guy from another country, and obviously I hung out with him when he came to stay but she was always pretty private about their actual relationship.
She was always a little emotionally closed off, but I think that’s partially because her dad died a year before we started college and then her mom basically abandoned her not long afterward.
Senior year, we graduate together, my parents take us out for a celebratory dinner, she and I congratulate ourselves, talk about the jobs we have lined up here in town, blah blah blah blah.
And then she stops texting me back. After the first few days, I’m a little worried so I call her step-dad who's like, “Oh she didn’t tell you? She’s going to stay in [boyfriend’s country] for a while.” Not long after that, her phone number stops working.
I’m thrown because she was literally just talking about starting a job here in our city. Then I find out through other means that she turned that job down months ago.
After like a month, I get an email from her basically saying, hey sorry for dropping off the face off the earth, I’m just with boyfriend right now, you were a great friend, have a great life!
It was very clearly a goodbye email, and I took the hint. This was all about 8 years ago, so I was keeping a look out for her on Facebook (and she wasn’t there) but that was kind of it in terms of online presence. The boyfriend actually appeared to have left his job as well.
8 years later, I’ve moved on with my life, though I never really forgot the sting of her ghosting me like that.
A month ago, I get a call and it’s her inviting me to coffee. She tells me that she’s been back in town for a few weeks and still had my number.
When we met up, I found out that she and boyfriend were now happily married with two kids. The four of them were moving back to our city “at least for a little while" for health reasons.
She apologized for ghosting me, saying that going off with her now-husband was an impulsive decision and that she was trying to get a clean slate. She said that even her immediate family were surprised when she left and when she came back. Apparently she and husband went off the grid for a bit as well.
She says she wants to catch up on my life, though I've noticed she doesn't really want to talk about my last eight years or her last eight years, other than the surface stuff.
TBH, I’m not rich in friends right now, I recently had a bad breakup and lost custody of most of our shared circle. I also have a son about her son's age which is awesome.
So I’d love to pick up where we left off with her, but I can’t get over how she ghosted me and I’m not sure I feel like she’s apologetic enough.
Are my expectations out of whack?
TL;DR: My best friend from college ghosted me right after graduation. She's come back and though she apologized, I'm not sure it's enough.
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Jan 7, 2018 05:46
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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Friend [29F] wants to pick up where we left off after ghosting me [29F] 8 years ago.
Look at you, thinking she won't just ghost you again immediately when she finds out you have a bastard
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Jan 7, 2018 05:53
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- Bunni-kat
- May 25, 2010
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Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?
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Friend [29F] wants to pick up where we left off after ghosting me [29F] 8 years ago.
She expect grovelling? Lady, you don’t need an apology, you need to forgive her. Even if you don’t hang out after, bury the hatchet.
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Jan 7, 2018 05:54
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- sullat
- Jan 9, 2012
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I like your Devil's Advocate bit, because it allowed me to make the following statement:
This woman believes a grey alien helped her write a jingle for a car dealership.
Yeah, I saw the last episode of mad men, too.
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Jan 7, 2018 06:38
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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"My boyfriend wants every member of my ethnic group to die, but I remember how nice he was before I knew this. Help!"
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Jan 7, 2018 06:50
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- Darkrenown
- Jul 18, 2012
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please give me anything to talk about besides the fact that democrats are allowing millions of americans to be evicted from their homes
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I think if your husband or wife cheats on you with one your parents, I think you just automatically become a monk or nun or something. Game over, man. Better luck next life.
What if they cheat on you with one of their parents? We've had at least one story about that in this thread.
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Jan 7, 2018 06:55
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- Brother Entropy
- Dec 27, 2009
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What if they cheat on you with one of their parents? We've had at least one story about that in this thread.
what happened to those girls who tried to bang their dad by getting him drunk in that one bible story? just have the same thing happen to the incestuous cheater
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Jan 7, 2018 06:59
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- Bored
- Jul 26, 2007
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Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.
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what happened to those girls who tried to bang their dad by getting him drunk in that one bible story? just have the same thing happen to the incestuous cheater
Weren’t they turned into pillars of salt?
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Jan 7, 2018 07:06
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- Absurd Alhazred
- Mar 27, 2010
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by Athanatos
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drat, old testament god is more lenient on incest than r/relationships
not sure what to do with that kind of information
OT God saw continuation of the people as more important than many other things. Lot's daughters thought there were no more men around Sodom after God smote them, so it was the Right ThingTM for them to get impregnated by any means necessary.
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Jan 7, 2018 07:13
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- cowofwar
- Jul 30, 2002
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by Athanatos
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drat, old testament god is more lenient on incest than r/relationships
not sure what to do with that kind of information
Only one way to generate all the tribes of Israel from a single pair of people. Also Adam was basically loving his clone so...
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Jan 7, 2018 07:14
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- DACK FAYDEN
- Feb 25, 2013
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Bear Witness
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drat, old testament god is more lenient on incest than r/relationships
not sure what to do with that kind of information
Lot's daughters hosed him and that was ok
Ham saw Noah's dick and his entire line got cursed forever
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Jan 7, 2018 07:19
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- Brother Entropy
- Dec 27, 2009
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well it depends
Lot's daughters hosed him and that was ok
Ham saw Noah's dick and his entire line got cursed forever
geez god, learn to split the difference a little
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Jan 7, 2018 07:24
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- Absurd Alhazred
- Mar 27, 2010
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by Athanatos
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I [30 F] recently got engaged to my boyfriend [26 M] of 2.5 years, found out about his past today and I'm crushed
quote:
I recently got engaged to my boyfriend of 2.5years, and I spent some part of the holiday with his family. During one of the dinners at his parent's place, his mother casually mentions how this girl named Audrey was so into him and how much time they had spent together. From what he has told me in the past, Audrey was just a friend and there was nothing more. He had told multiple times to me when I noted of all the photos they had together in his Instagram and Facebook.
Today, I stumbled across her Instagram account for the first time. As I go through her page, it becomes apparent to me that they did in fact date and had an intimate relationship. They had traveled together extensively. They did the whole "dating" thing, like visiting wineries, going to concerts together, checking out hip joints, and etc. All the stuff he refused to do with me because those "weren't his things". As I confronted him, he also acknowledged that he had gifted her lavish jewelries out of volition - which of course he never did for me.
I'm crushed because I don't know why he lied to me about Audrey . He repeatedly lied to me for 2.5 years about her. I'm also crushed because he never tried so hard to take me out on "real dates" citing that he wasn't into dining out/ going to places/etc, but he in fact did all those in the past with Audrey . I really thought he wasn't into doing those activities - turns out that wasn't the case. I don't know if I want to be with him anymore. He had potential to treat me so much nicely, but I guess he chose not to. I had accepted his lower standards of treating ... me. Thoughts?
tl;dr: I found out today that my fiance's friend was in fact an ex. He had lied to me about her. He treated her nicely, taking her out on dates, spoiling her with lavish gift, etc. I can't help but feel violated by the fact he (1) lied to me and (2) has not treated me as well as he treated Audrey, the ex. Should I even stay with him?
From the comments:
quote:
Did he explain why he lied about the nature of their relationship? I don't think I could trust him after this, and I'd be wondering what else he's lying about.
OP posted:
He says he was going to tell me when our relationship got more "stable" i.e when married and settled. He says he didn't want me to become fixated on her.
quote:
He was going to tell you when you were "married and stable" meaning "when he already had you on legal lock down and it would be harder for you to leave". At least, that's how it sounds. What's the big deal about telling you he dated someone in the past anyway? Seems like a weird thing to hide.
My ex did this. He "was going to tell me about the cheating once we moved away from it and it was over" meaning he didn't want to tell me until I moved 12 hours away from all my friends and family/gave up the life I had built for myself.
I hope I'm wrong and my own experience is coloring what I'm reading about yours. But it is a weird thing to hide if it's in the past and over. I would find out more details and make a decision before signing a marriage license with him.
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Jan 7, 2018 08:11
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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So that's what the gender swapped version of a dude learning his gf used to be much more adventurous in bed with her exes looks like.
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Jan 7, 2018 08:23
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- Panfilo
- Aug 27, 2011
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Can't post for 3 days!
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Because guys can’t actually spunk 24/7.
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Jan 7, 2018 10:46
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- Jeza
- Feb 13, 2011
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The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.
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What if they cheat on you with one of their parents? We've had at least one story about that in this thread.
Roll yourself into a carpet and off a cliff, playing a sad trombone during, if at all possible.
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Jan 7, 2018 13:58
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- Marmaduke!
- May 19, 2009
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Why would it do that!?
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That's also the kind of method British spies use to kill themselves, incidentally.
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Jan 7, 2018 14:29
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- CheesyDog
- Jul 4, 2007
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by FactsAreUseless
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quote:Me (18 F) and my husband (19 M) haven’t had s-x since we got married (self.sex)
(I understand I’m 18 and probably rushed into it but for where I was in my life ((being thrown around by family members)) wasn’t good for me and this was the best thing I did for myself at the time) Jason and I have known each other for 3 Years but have been married for around 8 months. we Didn’t have s-x before getting married or do anything else except for kiss and bullsh-t like that.
Well we had s-x for our wedding night and a couple nights after that and honestly it was great! Then we went to Vegas to visit some of his family members and since we came home he hasn’t done anything with me, but he has tried, he just loses his erections we’ve only tried after the Vegas trip about 5 times? I give him bl-wjobs almost everyday sometimes multiple times and he doesn’t even bother to please me, I have to ask to even get played with and 80% of the time he says no.
I’ve tried to speak to him about it and he either brushes it off or gets angry and says I just try to complain about everything or says he just isn’t interested in sex but is still attracted to me. How can you say you’re attracted to someone while denying them the thing that makes them feel attractive, or loved, etc
I’ll be honest, I’m very sensitive emotionally so whenever he argues with me about that I can’t help but cry, which gets him more aggravated. He hurts me every time he says no at this point, I feel so unloved and unwanted. I don’t know what to do. Please help ?
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Jan 7, 2018 15:13
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- CheesyDog
- Jul 4, 2007
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by FactsAreUseless
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quote:[Shaving Accident] Confidence is destroyed, depression is at an all time high. Do not make my [M25] mistake. (self.sex)
submitted 2 days ago by thedickscar
It's been nearly a year now, and that dick scar is still there.
Scratched at it a short bit ago (I don't care at this point, it's been almost a year), and wouldn't you know it? It turned red.
I've tried Witch Hazel. I've tried Vitamin E cream. I'm currently trying scar gel even know that's probably not going to work either. I see no other choice than to look into some form of plastic surgery in the future. How long that will take to do, I've no idea, but it has to be done.
Men reading this, don't make my mistake. I wish I never shaved down below. I'm effectively ruined and am resigning myself to a lonely life as I cannot cope with having a scar on my dick. Even looking at it sends me into a sour mood. If you insist on shaving, please be careful, but do what you can to avoid damage.
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Jan 7, 2018 15:17
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- CheesyDog
- Jul 4, 2007
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by FactsAreUseless
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quote:Getting charged extra by a sex worker, After the agreed amount. (self.sex)
I was talking with the sex worker about some fun, kinks and we agreed to meet for a set price.
We did foreplay with each other and then she moved for oral, lowering my pants she seem quite impressed with my size, I thought it's a good sign but then she told me I didn't say I'm big.
I asked her if it's an issue? she told me it's no issue but it takes her more effort to get it in compared to a normal partner, giving me a blowjob and then telling me to not get it the wrong way, I have a nice cock but have to pay extra to do sex.
I did give her an addition, because the other option was to get out the door without my money, I also felt that she might be speaking truth since 8+ inch penis is not for everyone.
She kissed me on the check and told me to lay back, she got a condom and got on top of it, pretty much getting me in all the way within a few moments.
She told me to move into her and I could hear her getting really wet, I asked her if she likes it? Since I expected her to find discomfort due to the extra pay and my size… just to hear her saying that she loves it, asking me if I mind she orgasms and moves by herself on it.
I said sure, but at the same time I felt confused after her orgasm I asked her why she took more money if she likes it this much.
So she said I paid it to reach areas in her normal men can't, giving me a smile and riding me to orgasm…
Won't lie that it was great sex but I still don't get the extra pay… it made me go out feeling a bit cheated
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Jan 7, 2018 15:24
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- Rubellavator
- Aug 16, 2007
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Yeah sounds like you got ripped off dude. Congrats on the sex-having and large dick though.
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Jan 7, 2018 15:29
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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Dick Slasher in Red Rupture
I feel like you may need to let everyone know your shaving method is to blindfold yourself and just swing the straight razor like a machete
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Jan 7, 2018 15:33
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- Mameluke
- Aug 2, 2013
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by Fluffdaddy
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going to need pictures of the dick scar. also who gives a gently caress, chicks dig scars
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Jan 7, 2018 15:33
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- Adbot
-
ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Jun 8, 2024 22:10
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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going to need pictures of the dick scar. also who gives a gently caress, chicks dig scars
Theres really only two options, one is a dick with a red scar so unnoticeable you can only see it with a jewelers loupe and the other is a dick with a white porcelain mask over half of it
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Jan 7, 2018 15:36
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Jan 7, 2018 05:00
Cat Army 
