Ride The Gravitron posted:

24 year old virgin

quote:

knew he got cold sores occasionally and that he got it from his father kissing him when he was little because his dad gets them. So oral I figure I got from him

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

I'm not trying to start a Seaworld debate but aren't they super loving smart? Like smart enough that just keeping it in the tank would be a battle on top of the ethics of keeping an incredibly intelligent creature in a household tank?

spite house posted:

Yeah, they are, and their intelligence is difficult for our monkeybrains to quantify because they're so alien. Our last common ancestor with cephalopods was something like a billion years ago, and today they exhibit some behaviors, like certain methods of tool use, that nobody else in the animal kingdom has figured out except for humans. If you're interested in the subject generally, "Other Minds" by Peter Godfrey-Smith is a fantastic layman's primer on cephalopod intelligence. It'll make you swear off eating them forever.

quote:

So, a little background. My boyfriend- we'll call him John- and I met three years ago while he was visiting my school at the time. He lives about 2 hours away from me and still does, though we see each other several times a month for days at a time.

About a year and a half ago John decided to join the National Guard part-time, mostly to just help him to pay for school. He only goes there to drill once a month for now, unless they need him more which doesn't happen too often. After joining he decided he likes it alright and has been considering going to active duty when he can.

So, when I met John, he was pretty much a prude when it came to drugs and alcohol. He was a really good student throughout high school and had never even smoked weed during that time. His dad is a cop and his whole family is pretty religious, so that wasn't really an option for him. By the time we met he'd tried it twice. Now for me, I experimented a lot in high school, and I like to think I got it out of my system. It really doesn't interest me at all, and I'm working on getting a different job right now so I don't smoke weed at all. I want to be clear that I have NO problem with weed at all, I'm down with the 420, it's just that certain situations dictate you not being able to use it responsibly.

The problem is that John is in a friend group that smokes a lot. Before he left for basic training he was smoking quite often, and thought he thought he stopped in time for the drug test, but he apparently didn't. His uncle is one of his superior officers in his unit and came over to his house to tell him he came up positive for marijuana in the test. His uncle stuck his neck out for him and told him that this would just be a warning, he wouldn't be kicked out, but he has to stop.

John quit until he went off to basic training. When he came back, he got back into smoking heavily. I showed my dissent quite a few times, though I'm not someone to tell a significant other what to do. I would just ask him if he really thought it was okay, that I never met anyone in the military that still smoked weed- that it seemed like a pretty big deal to me for him to be doing that. He would always offer some sort of excuse, like he'd know when there would be a drug test, or that he only went to drill once a month and he'd have time to get it out of his system (though he never stopped in time for that to happen, or at all, actually).

Cut to a few weeks ago. His uncle and his grandfather went to his house to tell him he's failed another drug test. They had a long talk with him, and so did I, telling him that he has to be strong and responsible, that this is too good of a thing to lose for something so fleeting and trivial. Somehow he was still let off the hook with the military, but his uncle alluded to the fact that this may be the last time. John was receptive to what everyone was telling him, agreed, and seemed to really get it into his head this time.

Except, he didn't. A week and a half later he started right back up, at least every other day if not every day.

I don't know if I can't handle this anymore. He is being so incredibly irresponsible, I really can't look at him the same right now. I want to be there to help if he's struggling, but not if he's not trying to help himself. I'm afraid that he's going to completely gently caress up his future, and he really is so much better than this.

I'm not one to give ultimatums; I don't want to outright say that if he doesn't quit smoking then I'll break up with him. But the fact of the matter is that if he does get kicked out because of this, I don't think I can stay with him. I would lose so much respect for him, and it brings up the question of what else in our lives/relationship he would be irresponsible about. We're supposed to be moving in together in 6 months when my lease is up, and I worry that this will spill over to our home lives.

So, I'm thinking about telling him all this. Not only do I hope it'll knock some sense into him, but I also don't think it'd be fair if I blindsighted him if it does happen and I didn't have the chance to tell him my decision beforehand. Reddit, do you think this is wrong of me to do? Like I said, I know ultimatums are bad, but this is just telling him the honest truth about how I feel. I'm so worried and every time he tells me he's smoked I just want to completely go off on him. In this way, I think I can have some peace- he'd know what's going to happen if this all comes crashing down on him.

Edit: tl;dr: My boyfriend keeps getting caught smoking weed while in the military, I'm thinking about leaving him if he does get kicked out.

Thank you so much for listening.

fruit on the bottom posted:

As part of my parole, I’m legally obligated to give the occasional anti-drug PSA as well as to shill for our boys overseas.

My (23F) boyfriend (22M) of three years may get kicked out of the military for smoking weed, and I'm thinking about leaving him because of it

Barudak posted:

Or encourage me to eat more of them so that they never rise up?

spite house posted:

Yeah, they are, and their intelligence is difficult for our monkeybrains to quantify because they're so alien. Our last common ancestor with cephalopods was something like a billion years ago, and today they exhibit some behaviors, like certain methods of tool use, that nobody else in the animal kingdom has figured out except for humans. If you're interested in the subject generally, "Other Minds" by Peter Godfrey-Smith is a fantastic layman's primer on cephalopod intelligence. It'll make you swear off eating them forever.

fruit on the bottom posted:

As part of my parole, I’m legally obligated to give the occasional anti-drug PSA as well as to shill for our boys overseas.

My (23F) boyfriend (22M) of three years may get kicked out of the military for smoking weed, and I'm thinking about leaving him because of it

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Yeah, you have to really make sure that they're intellectually stimulated – they need lots of puzzles and toys or they'll go crazy.

And even if they're happy, they'll still probably try to escape the tank because gently caress it, why not. In some aquariums, octopuses will sneak out their tank at night, devour some of the other exhibits, and then sneak back to their tank before anyone is the wiser.

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

Demon Of The Fall posted:

She could still sleep with him if she really wanted to

Since she is so down on her appearance, maybe she is one of those girl who you just have to let their hair down and take off the glasses and they go from a 4 to a 10 like in a 90s teen movie.

Bored posted:

I've read about that! They are pretty loving funny. There was also one that jet water at any red head that wandered by its enclosure for some reason.

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

Fluid bonded sounds like a way for poly people to still convince themselves that their partner isn't actually having sex with a person, just a condom.

Vargatron posted:

So if you're in an open relationship, what is to prevent your side piece from having unprotected sex and bringing you an STD?

Vargatron posted:

So if you're in an open relationship, what is to prevent your side piece from having unprotected sex and bringing you an STD?

Bored posted:

I've read about that! They are pretty loving funny. There was also one that jet water at any red head that wandered by its enclosure for some reason.

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

spite house posted:

Yeah, they are, and their intelligence is difficult for our monkeybrains to quantify because they're so alien. Our last common ancestor with cephalopods was something like a billion years ago, and today they exhibit some behaviors, like certain methods of tool use, that nobody else in the animal kingdom has figured out except for humans. If you're interested in the subject generally, "Other Minds" by Peter Godfrey-Smith is a fantastic layman's primer on cephalopod intelligence. It'll make you swear off eating them forever.

quote:

My husband was a good man, to me at least, he was never rough or aggressive or mean spirited or anything. I knew he himself had a rough upbringing, he was raised in old school NYC and his mom was an alcoholic, he was in a street gang in brooklyn apparently.

So we have a son together, and he is a great kid. We then had a daughter 4 years later.

As time went on, my husband got more into like, idk how to describe it really, kind of this weird nostalgic manliness kind of stuff. I noticed it first on his facebook actually, he started sharing pictures that were like "KIDS THESE DAYS DONT KNOW WHAT IT USED TO BE LIKE!" and stuff like that.

Anyways, he started making my son do like a lot of weird stuff. My son started chores at 7 years old, just basic stuff like the laundry and he put his dishes in the dishwasher. My husband then upped it a lot gradually, and got kind of nasty to him when he complained even in the slightest. At 10 years old, my husband was making him do EVERYONES sheets, do ALL of the dishes, dig out the backyard, and a bunch of other little knick knacks. I told my husband thats ridiculous, we can do some work too ya know, and he said the kid needs to learn discipline and hard work at an early age 'or he will end up like a littlebitch' and poo poo like that. It wasn't even the amount of work he did that bothered me, it was the way my husband was treating the work, as if it was like a way to strengthen him like he was my husbands little experiment. I've gotten into countless arguments about this with him.

As time has gone on, its gotten worse. He makes him do a ton of chores (and of course, I always step in and say he shouldnt have to, but my husband freaks out. I am not always around to prevent this) around the house, like he sometimes just goes around finding stuff to do. He constantly complains that the kid is 'out of control' just because he plays video games a few hours or hangs out with his friends. He makes him do this ridiculous exercise routine and yells at him when he gets tired or anything.

I think my husband kind of has an anger problem. He has never hit anyone in our family, but he gets mad whenever my son shows weakness or anything. Like my son wanted to go to the movies recently and my husband just got irrationally mad at that because he had been playing video games all morning, he was like "and NOW you want to go to the movie?! you did nothing productive all day and you want to spend our money on a movie now?!!" and I told my son to just go to the movies, and he didnt, because he listens to his dad more than me. There are countless examples of this.

Honestly, the past year especially this has just gotten out of hand. Its almost like my husband is projecting his masculinity onto our son, and I hate it. Any sign of weakness or laziness in our son is like, a direct attack on my husband, and he lashes out and gets mad. He acts, basically, like a drill sergeant. Another situation was that we went to his brothers house, and his brothers son is 17 and is like an athlete and has a six pack and everything. I dont know what overcame my husband, but I think he got jealous of his brother for having such a fit son or some poo poo, and he was like practically yelling at our son and saying he needs to join sports teams and work out more.

This has become a constant argument between us. Just absolutely constant. I don't even want to be with him that much anymore but he earns all of the money in the house and my son, despite all of this, listens and obeys him more than me.

I just don't know what to do, and I can't imagine this getting better as he gets older. If we get a divorce, he will be with him half of the time AND I wont be there to stop whatever happens. And not only that but my husband is the sole earned in the house, which makes this worse obviously.

What the hell am I supposed to do? I honestly feel powerless at times. I try to tell my husband to calm down or stop being an rear end in a top hat but its been years of me saying this, he just doesn't listen anymore, I am just the annoying nagging wife. He actually told me one time that 'if it was up to me, I would raised him like a little baby girl'.

Also, we have a daughter. And naturally, he doesn't do ANY of this poo poo with her. She is his little princess who he protects from any harm. Ugh.

Edit: I should mention a lot of this is not only his personal relationships, but his relationship with society. He thinks the world is too sheltered now for kids and makes them weak, he is trying to like, 'counteract' that or something. He constantly says poo poo like "these kids today are little babies, Im gonna raise our son right, like a real man with real experiences". This isn't how his relationship with our son, it also has to do with his relationship with how society is. Its weird.

tl;dr: husband treats our son like a drat drill sergeant.

girl pants posted:

My (44F) husband (51M) is becoming incredibly strict, almost like a drill sergeant, towards our son (13M). I have tried to stop this but he is too focused on 'making a man' out of our son. Meanwhile he doesn't do this at all to our daughter (8F) What do I do?


I wonder how this woman didn't notice she was getting married to the comments section on a local news article instead of a person.

flick my Mr. Bean posted:

I saw a news story a while back about an aquarium that couldn't figure out why one of their sharks was dead until they watched security footage and realized the octopus had entered its tank and killed it. Or something like that. Fuzzy on the details.

Ride The Gravitron posted:

God drat it I just did this one and was about to post it

Ride The Gravitron posted:

24 year old virgin

Ride The Gravitron posted:

Log in / Register

r/relationshipsBreakups

My girlfriend [15F]broke up with me [15M] because I am a virgin

Ride The Gravitron posted:

I told her I am a virgin and I have had no sexual experience at all apart from making out if that counts.

Honest to god this is what she sends back. " We need to break up. your a good looking guy but, I want a man who knows what he is doing. I am not going to get that with a virgin, see you in class tomorrow"

For one I am not going to school today, I am taking the day off. I am going to go to the mall and will see a movie.

As I said I am taking the day off, don't really want to go to school today. But I just don't know what to do with myself.

Ham Sandwiches posted:

he immediately got all serious and was like "oh you won't know how to suck my dick right and then you'll get all clingy afterwards, yaknow what, nah, l8r"

and then blocked her?? That's one of the weirder stories posted in a while.

Anne Whateley posted:

This part is like 10000000% believable. I came from a tiny town and didn't do anything until I got to college, and that was a huge issue for guys, who almost all reacted exactly that way. It turns out the virgin = psycho stereotype is uhhh bad

girl pants posted:

My (44F) husband (51M) is becoming incredibly strict, almost like a drill sergeant, towards our son (13M). I have tried to stop this but he is too focused on 'making a man' out of our son. Meanwhile he doesn't do this at all to our daughter (8F) What do I do?


I wonder how this woman didn't notice she was getting married to the comments section on a local news article instead of a person.

quote:

On 8 December 2017 my girlfriend “Thea” and I attended a birthday party which our friend, through some stroke of dumbassery, decided to hold in a restaurant in a park. To give you an idea, it’s by a lake in the middle of a park and you have to walk ten minutes (or more, if you are like my gf and wear heels everywhere) to the park gate. You can’t call a cab or drive to the restaurant. loving stupid.

Late into the night, Thea and I were maybe halfway to the gate when I realized I forgot my phone at home. Thea said her feet were swollen and hurt from new shoes and it was very hard to walk on gravel and asked me to go back and get it by myself and she would wait. Obviously I was NOT okay with that but she got very stubborn over it. To this day both of us have no idea what got into her, she is usually very nice with accommodating my requests even if they are unreasonable and this WAS reasonable. She was some combination of tipsy, mad for me for embarrassing her with a very stupid comment at the party, idk what else.

I was feeling guilty for delaying us, cold in my thin jacket and grumpy over work in the morning. I should have carried her or something. Instead I thought I would just quickly dash there and back. I am so, so sorry.

What happened after I left, according to her: she sat down on the curb of the park road to relieve her pain. After some time, a man approached her and insistently “suggested” she accompany him to some bar. Thea told him she wasn’t interested, then to gently caress off. After he got more and more in her face, she pulled out her phone and said she was calling the cops and that her boyfriend was coming. In that moment he slapped the phone out of her hands and tried to drag her by the hair (?), and in panic she lunged for him(?) - she is not able to describe the details. She is very tall and fit for a woman, but I still don’t see how she overpowered such a large man from this position. I guess panic is hell of a steroid. Her own words were: “remember how I practiced karate? Well I did none of that.”

What happened from my perspective: I was walking back to where we parted with another friend who was also leaving. I heard screaming and of course I run there as fast as I could. When I got there she was punching and kneeing this man, who was on the ground, as hard as she could. I had to peel HER off him. The guy looked like human shaped mincemeat, I am still surprised he survived.

I don’t blame her. Of course, at all. If anything, I blame myself, every day, I struggle with deep guilt for putting Thea in this situation through first forgetting the phone and then abandoning her. But it’s not the guilt that’s killing me, it’s remembering my gentle and caring girlfriend transformed in this rage machine trying to gouge man’s eyes out long after he seemed overpowered. And her reaction.

Thea cried and acted so scared and confused in front of the cops. After they were able to confirm that the man actually already had one conviction for something called “opportunistic sexuаl аssault” they were very sympathetic to her situation (and more than a little judgmental of me). But when I tried to comfort her in private, she told me the only thing she was sorry for is putting me through such hell because of her own stupidity, and she is mad at herself for being so stupid. She is not distraught or upset over having to assault this guy. Her own words were that she is “extremely pleased” with having been able to defend herself, and punish him for what he wanted to do. She said she thinks back to it often and although she’s learned the lesson, she enjoys the memory.

This mentality, and the way she so easily switched from her crying act to being so content, unnerves me. I look at her and shiver, and this has not let up at all since the incident. Of course, this only causes more guilt – I put her in this situation and I am mad at her for being able to defend herself? WTF self. But I can’t help it. I feel so bad but I am genuinely disturbed around her.

My country is kind of conservative and looks down on therapy, but I looked into it recently. But I can’t imagine opening up in front of someone, especially since a therapist would likely also judge me (this country is big on being a man and protecting your lady). Also, irrationally I am afraid that telling the therapist will somehow endanger my girlfriend (to be fair I researched and therapy privacy laws in our country are not so great). I am only comfortable sharing this on reddit because there is no actual case against my girlfriend, and most of the people in this country don’t speak English anyway.

Please help me.

tl;dr: my girlfriend beat a would-be attacker into pulp. She is not disturbed over it, she is happy. I can’t stop being disturbed by her attitude.

Edit: reading all the comments. Just to clarify, she is specifically happy over having been able to HURT him for threatening he. This, and the extent of how much she attacked him, and how easily she had a presence of mind to put an act up for the police, is what I keep thinking of most.

girl pants posted:

My (44F) husband (51M) is becoming incredibly strict, almost like a drill sergeant, towards our son (13M). I have tried to stop this but he is too focused on 'making a man' out of our son. Meanwhile he doesn't do this at all to our daughter (8F) What do I do?


I wonder how this woman didn't notice she was getting married to the comments section on a local news article instead of a person.