/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

My [24M] gay friend fell out with me [24M] because I said being gay was a disease

quote:

The other day, me and my friends went out for a few drinks. One of them, who I will name Stephen, is gay. Stephen however likes to make snarky comments, and the more he drank, the more he was making them. I'll point out that I am ginger, and that is usually what he makes comments about.

This time, he decided to say that being ginger is a disease and 'we're going extinct anyway.' At this point I'm drunk, a bit annoyed and decided to do the same to him. So I said that he can't say anything because being gay is a disease, a lot worse than being ginger. He was extremely upset by this and went home, I apologised and said it was a joke, just to get him back for the numerous ginger comments.

I thought when he sobered up, he'd forgive me but he hasn't. I'm not really interested in apologising again, because the way I see it is if he can dish it out, he can take it back.

TL;DR - My friend kept making ginger jokes, so I told him being gay is a disease. He's not speaking to me, what should I do.

# ? Jan 16, 2018 05:48

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# ? May 28, 2024 01:34

Bogus Adventure: Jan 11, 2017; More like "Bulges Adventure"

Haifisch posted:

My [24M] gay friend fell out with me [24M] because I said being gay was a disease

Lol, gay dude had it coming.

# ? Jan 16, 2018 06:03

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Haifisch posted:

My [24M] gay friend fell out with me [24M] because I said being gay was a disease

"Instead of just telling him that the ol "soulless ginger" joke annoys me deeply, I went straight to hate speech! What's wrong with saying the same thing that someone might say who wants to put him into gay conversion therapy?"

# ? Jan 16, 2018 06:04

Baronjutter: Dec 31, 2007; "Tiny Trains"

La Brea Carpet posted:

My [25M] girlfriend [25F] of two and a half years made fun of my trains.

Death to those who insult trains

# ? Jan 16, 2018 06:10

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Midnight Voyager posted:

"Instead of just telling him that the ol "soulless ginger" joke annoys me deeply, I went straight to hate speech! What's wrong with saying the same thing that someone might say who wants to put him into gay conversion therapy?"

Yes this was clearly hate speech in third instance. No way it could be anything else.

# ? Jan 16, 2018 07:57

NO FUCK YOU DAD: Oct 23, 2008

If you don't want people to insult you for things you can't help, don't insult people for things they can't help. Gay guy needs to get the gently caress over himself and stop dishing out what he can't take.

# ? Jan 16, 2018 08:05

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

Pretending jokes about hair color and gay people are equivalent is really loving dumb.

# ? Jan 16, 2018 08:08

NO FUCK YOU DAD: Oct 23, 2008

They're not equivalent but I'd be willing to bet a lot of money that this is a pattern of behaviour and ginger guy just got pushed too far. "Makes snarky comments" is always code for "insults people to their faces" and while ginger guy shouldn't have pushed the nuclear button, it doesn't make him Hitler and an apology should be enough.

Hopefully there's a happy ending where they stay friends and learn that neither getting the last word nor roleplaying Chandler Bing is worth losing friends over.

# ? Jan 16, 2018 08:58

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

All aboard, the trainwreck train is leaving the station.

I owe my fiance(33M) an open relationship, but the thought makes me(32F) feel ill

quote:

Let me preface this by saying I was a bitch, I know that and I changed 5 years ago and am ashamed of my past, hence the throwaway accout.

So we started dating 11 years ago, after 3 years as best friends. It started with me cheating on my previous bf with him. Previous bf and I broke up, my now-fiance(henceforth referee to as, let's say, "Zach") and I started dating, but then I went back to sleeping with my ex. For 6 years, I went back and forth between the two of them. Every time I cheated, Zach would ask if I wanted an open relationship, that we could work it out that way, that he'd like to have other partners. Having been raised strict Baptist, only monogamy was allowed and I'd repent and say I only wanted to be with him, I didn't want him sleeping with other people, and 6 months later I'd get sucked back into being with the other guy. Rinse, wash, repeat.

After six years, Zach had a terrible workplace accident. 2 spine injuries, coma, and months of amnesia. It woke me up. When he went into his coma, I spent days realizing he might die and I couldn't imagine my life without him. I broke off everything permanently with my ex, no longer "politely" returned his texts as I had for years when I broke things off with him, cut him off completely. I spent months feeding and caring for Zach, then moved in with his dad for a year when money ran out while I continued to care for him. Because of all the stress with the workers comp case, his emotionally abusive dad, and other factors, we one night both had mental breakdowns and separately enrolled in psych wards. Sometime during this we broke up to "work on ourselves." I was diagnosed OCD, generalized anxiety, and he was finally diagnosed with asperger's, something we'd suspected for years.

We started hanging out again a month later, both fragile, and I asked when we would get back together. He said he didn't think he wanted to until he had dated around some, "sowed his wild oats," so to speak, something he never got to do as he remained faithful our entire relationship. I brought up open relationships, and that although I wasn't interested, it was by far fine for him to. After a couple weeks discussion we started dating again.

He brought up the possibility of going on dates a few times since,(we've been struggling financially and not had money for dates or locations, both living with parents) and I always said it made me uncomfortable when we couldn't even hardly do that, and that I was still having regular anxiety attacks and wished he would wait til we were more stable. 2 years pass and we start talking about getting engaged. He says he is uncomfortable with still having not had an open relationship, and I assure him that's just circumstances, and I'd still be fine with it if we get engaged, ignoring the twisting of my stomach and tightening of my chest. I can't live without him, I still knew this from when I feared he would die, and I owe him.

We get engaged. 3 weeks ago, he gets a job on the other side of the country, 2000 miles away. I stay here. This is the job that will finally change our fortunes, make us able to start our lives together. And it also finally gives him an opportunity to date other people, which I point out before he leaves.

Last night, on our daily 4 hour phone call, he brings up having gotten tinder and asks me how I feel about it. My chest immediately tightens, I can't breathe, and feel dizzy. Why is this happening, theoretically, I've been fine with the idea of this. I tell him, then guess it must be due to my anxiety attacks that always come at the start of my period and ask if he can wait until I've passed the heightened anxiety period to date. By the end of the discussion, I' e agreed he can, like, get coffee, but don't have sex until I've passed this window.

I've had constant horrible anxiety since then, and constant migraines and cramps (which are triggered around my period by anxiety.) I am questioning agreeing to this, but know I owe it, and want him to not feel so alone while he's there. I have pets to cuddle with, family to socialize with. He doesn't. And my OCD, has decided to focus on every horrible scenario that can happen, every STD he could catch, etc.

I should clarify, I trust him completely. I know he won't leave me for someone else. We are always 100% honest with each other and have great communication, never argue (only discuss), and have been faithful the last 5 years, getting each other through a poo poo-ton of emotional issues and baggage. But I've learned I'm naturally monogamous, and he's learned he's polyamorous.

So I guess after all this rambling, my question is: How do we make this work? I feel I could manage if it weren't for my OCD and anxiety. How can I handle those to deal with this? (Yes, I have a therapist) What restrictions are reasonable for me to put on him? How are open relationships even supposed to work??? Any advice on these is appreciated.

TL;DR Cheated on bf for years, broke up, got back together with the caveat we could have an open relationship, I agreed. Now he's cashing in while on the other side of the country, and I'm having anxiety and trouble handling it, help.

# ? Jan 16, 2018 11:22

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

I mean where do you even start with that?

# ? Jan 16, 2018 11:33

coolusername: Aug 23, 2011; cooltitletext

Are open relationships today's theme?

Me [28 M] with my Wife [28 F] of 10 years, tried open relationship per my request, it failed and now I am depressed. Any advice on how to cope?

quote:

So first and foremost I feel like a might be a rare individual that actually loves their spouse and still wants to explore open sex with others. I fully love my wife.

My wife and I became a couple shortly after high school. In high school I had a few other sexual partners and at that time I was still very conservative with myself and like all young adults not fully developed.

I was always the person that wanted only one woman in my life and I loved romance film or literature. I still do but as I have aged I realize that I am much more open than I even realized until recently. As I aged to about 23 I started to realize that I very much so wanted to have more sexual experiences.

I finally voiced my desires to spouse who at first was skeptical. She initially was shocked and scared but I explained to her that I loved her and I simply wanted to try new things. After some discussion we decided to try and be in an open relationship.

It started off well and she met with a someone before me. I was excited and surprisingly turned on by the idea of her with another man. She enjoyed it and afterwards it ignited our sex life, which was still very solid despite being together for some time. We usually have sex 4-5 times a week despite conflicting schedules.

After I met with someone however she became very jealous and worried that I would fall for that person. I explained that I loved her and I did not want a relationship with anyone else simply the experience. I eventually recommended that we try adding another individual to our own sex life (she is bisexual.) She denied that request as well as she said she would get too jealous seeing me pleasured by another person.

I gave it some time to cool off and we tried again. She kept assuring me everything was fine but deep down I could tell she was bothered. So eventually we talked it out and she said now that we had those experiences let's go back to having sex exclusively with each other.

I love her very much and I agreed that we would stop. I really never felt as if it got in the way of our relationship. It still felt exciting and new to me, and it is possible it would have faded over time however it has now been a year since we explored an open relationship and at this point it is eating away at me. We have children and I would never want to risk harming our relationship for ourselves and also our children. This is partly why I have not brought it up to her again.

I still do find her sexually attractive and we still have sex 3-5 times a week but my sex drive is incredibly high and the experiences I had were great when we were open. I would love for her to understand this but I don't think she sees it that way. At this point I have started pleasuring myself a few times a week when possible in addition to us having sex.

I have spent so much time pondering if I am really that different than other people and it seems to me that I am. I can completely cut off sex from emotion and even imagining her having sex with someone else simply makes me happy and excited that she would be feeling something great. I do not see it as a threat simply a life experience.

It is starting to eat at me and I have thought about going to therapy. The last thing I want is for us to separate but I fear I am becoming depressed that I cannot experience this in my youth or simply ever.

Has anyone had similar experiences? How did you cope?

tl;dr: Wife and I of 10 years tried an open relationship for a few months. I enjoyed it and she did until jealousy became an obstacle for her. We ended the open relationship roughly a year ago.

I love her and do not want to have a relationship with anyone else other than have fun sexual experiences. At this point I am slowly becoming depressed that I cannot explore this desire of mine. I do not want to have my life without her, and have considered therapy.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you cope? What would your advice be?

Edit: I am receiving lots of downvotes and a couple PM's that were a bit abrasive. I did not mean to offend anyone, simply an individual that has no one to talk to about this and wanted a platform to receive advice from others that may have gone through something similar. I did not force my wife to try this nor have I treated her disrespectfully because of her decision as some of the PM's have suggested. Thank you.

# ? Jan 16, 2018 11:43

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

La Brea Carpet posted:

My [25M] girlfriend [25F] of two and a half years made fun of my trains.

Actually, it sounds like she's like really proud of him as a boyfriend and is making fun of him because she thinks it's funny too. No reason why it can't be both. Maybe it's a little rude, sure, but why can't this fool just roll with the punches and laugh along with her at his very silly model trains hobby?

# ? Jan 16, 2018 13:19

Porfiriato: Jan 4, 2016

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Actually, it sounds like she's like really proud of him as a boyfriend and is making fun of him because she thinks it's funny too. No reason why it can't be both. Maybe it's a little rude, sure, but why can't this fool just roll with the punches and laugh along with her at his very silly model trains hobby?

The �friend� is trying to break them up so she can move in and give him some HO gauge action.

# ? Jan 16, 2018 13:25

blackmet: Aug 5, 2006; I believe there is a universal Truth to the process of doing things right (Not that I have any idea what that actually means).

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Actually, it sounds like she's like really proud of him as a boyfriend and is making fun of him because she thinks it's funny too. No reason why it can't be both. Maybe it's a little rude, sure, but why can't this fool just roll with the punches and laugh along with her at his very silly model trains hobby?

Asperger's.

# ? Jan 16, 2018 13:28

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

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Known Lecher posted:

The �friend� is trying to break them up so she can move in and give him some HO gauge action.

Yeah, like why would the gf's friend do this? There has to be some ulterior motive, either because her friends don't like him or that particular friend is into him.

# ? Jan 16, 2018 13:42

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

blackmet posted:

Asperger's.

Actually yeah:

Trainman posted:

I agreed and when we met she made me promise to keep what she was telling me between us.

Trainman posted:

quote:
I'd try to ascertain the actual nature of these comments, because it could very well just be playful. You can also let her know that you'd prefer she didn't make those jokes, and if they actually are just harmless teasing, she'll be happy to stop.
Morally speaking, I can't break a promise. Even if I wanted to tell her I couldn't.

Trainman posted:

quote:
You have to be an idiot to value a promise to Emily over your relationship of 2 years.

Btw, there's no way that Emily doesn't have some shady reason for telling you this.
It�s not about what I value or what I want to do. Lying and making false promises is just immoral to me. It�s not about priorities, I just simply cannot do it.

Trainman posted:

quote:
Sometimes lying or breaking a promise is the more ethical choice.

I mean, what if she told you that she was going to kill someone (instead of what she did say) and you had a chance to save the person by breaking your promise, would you do it? Or would you stand by idly and let the person die because you just couldn't break a promise?
That�s a tough philosophical question that we have been dealing with since the time of the Greeks. I don�t think this is really an appropriate venue for an ethical discussion, but I suppose you can say that I take a Kantian approach.

If I make a promise, generally speaking, I can�t break it no matter what.

You can throw everything out the window, the train guy is a complete loving retard.

# ? Jan 16, 2018 13:54

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Train dude is hilariously naive, and yup, is definitely on some part of the spectrum. Such an idiot. So good. I wonder what else he would blow up his relationship over, besides his girlfriend's friend telling him pointless poo poo? A limited-edition train release that he had to line up for during an important planned date with his girlfriend? His girlfriend not telling him about what she had for lunch that day? Turning into a werewolf? The beer selection not being good at a bar?

# ? Jan 16, 2018 14:05

almightyerin: Apr 16, 2007; The one the only. Accept no substitutes.

Well she sounds positively insufferable...

Husband of 1 year (29m) and I (32f) and I went to a comedy club last night. Comedian was very offensive and and I told him so, he proceeded to lambast and embarrass me while crowd laughed. Husband did not back me up and I'm livid. What do I do?

quote:

Background:
Husband let me kmow that one of his favorite comedians was in town for a rare Mondsy night set and asked if I wanted to go. I said yes. I've never been before but I wasn't prepared for how offensive it was. The opener guy was really bad but wasn't funny but it just got on my nerves so I was pretty heated.

The main guy came on and almost instantly started making fun of the me too moment. I'd just had enough and screamed out "some topics you can't joke about, this is one." The comedian said basically he'd ignore my rudeness. I went ballistic and got into a yelling match about I'm not rude, making fun of sexu@l survivors is rude. He told me to sit down and the entire crowd laughed. We went back and forth for what seemed like hours but was probably seconds and then a security guard escorted me out and the entire crowd laughed and sang as I was escorted out. It was the most humiliated I've ever been.

To top all this off, my husband who was behind me by a couple of minutes because they made him pay for our food and drinks was mad at me. Process that for a second, I was humiliated and he has the nerve to be mad at me. I asked what his thinking was and he said that if I was so offended I could have left but I interrupted a show, like interupting a movie, and ruined everyone's fun. I said people shouldn't have fun at the expense of something as important as me too. He said if it was that offensive, I should have said something and he would have left with me. I said that's ridiculous that I have just as much right to speak as the idiot comedian. we didn't speak on the rest of the way home and haven't spoken since.

What do I do about this situation? How do I get my husband to see my side?

Edit: Haaa! She took it down already.

almightyerin fucked around with this message at 14:32 on Jan 16, 2018

# ? Jan 16, 2018 14:30

Ride The Gravitron: May 2, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

Palpek posted:

All aboard, the trainwreck train is leaving the station.

I owe my fiance(33M) an open relationship, but the thought makes me(32F) feel ill

This is such a great self own.

# ? Jan 16, 2018 14:42

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

almightyerin posted:

Well she sounds positively insufferable...

Husband of 1 year (29m) and I (32f) and I went to a comedy club last night. Comedian was very offensive and and I told him so, he proceeded to lambast and embarrass me while crowd laughed. Husband did not back me up and I'm livid. What do I do?

Edit: Haaa! She took it down already.

She would've been totally reamed by the edgelords of Reddit. And rightly so. Who the gently caress takes the view that she has as much right to speak as the person literally everybody has paid to listen to?

# ? Jan 16, 2018 14:48

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

I hope she got banned from the comedy club, because she will do it again

# ? Jan 16, 2018 14:50

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Oh no, a comedian is making an official statement on stage in the Comedy Club, somebody needs to step in, it will be me.

# ? Jan 16, 2018 14:56

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Sounds like the guy was mocking victims of sexual assault. Seems fair enough to call him out on being a piece of poo poo.

I mean, that's what heckling's for.

# ? Jan 16, 2018 15:03

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

Not necessarily. Mentioning metoo and using it in the formulation of a joke isn't necessarily doing it at women's offense.

# ? Jan 16, 2018 15:04

sandoz: Jan 29, 2009

this FEMALE has ruined the sanctity of the Comedy Club

# ? Jan 16, 2018 15:07

Palpek: Dec 27, 2008; Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.

Maybe it was a Louis C.K. show :ck5:

# ? Jan 16, 2018 15:09

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

Al Borland Corp. posted:

Not necessarily. Mentioning metoo and using it in the formulation of a joke isn't necessarily doing it at women's offense.

quote:

making fun of the me too moment

is not the same as "mentioned it in a setup"

# ? Jan 16, 2018 15:31

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

Anne Whateley posted:

is not the same as "mentioned it in a setup"

Yeah but the lady writing that is irrational and can't be trusted

# ? Jan 16, 2018 15:40

Lone Goat: Apr 16, 2003; When life gives you lemons, suplex those lemons.

girl pants posted:

A bunch of her other posts are about how she wants to move to Toronto to study science at U of T. Yeah I'm sure a 19 year old who can't drive and needs her mom to do her laundry for her is going to do just great in a city of 3 million people.

There is absolutely no reason to have a car if you live in Toronto.

I'll give you the laundry thing though.

# ? Jan 16, 2018 15:43

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Al Borland Corp. posted:

Not necessarily. Mentioning metoo and using it in the formulation of a joke isn't necessarily doing it at women's offense.

Wanna bet a dollar?

Al Borland Corp. posted:

Yeah but the lady writing that is irrational and can't be trusted

Would you say that she's being hysterical?

# ? Jan 16, 2018 15:43

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

Yeah, someone who literally got kicked out of a bar for making a scene may not be giving a completely accurate picture of the events that led to them making a scene.

# ? Jan 16, 2018 15:47

WrenP-Complete: Jul 27, 2012

Two friends and I left a comedy show (quietly walked out) because the comedian was making fun of people with mental illness. Then we were standing around on the sidewalk outside the club deciding where to go next, and the comedian came outside and confronted me on the street about leaving during his set.

# ? Jan 16, 2018 15:59

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

WrenP-Complete posted:

Two friends and I left a comedy show (quietly walked out) because the comedian was making fun of people with mental illness. Then we were standing around on the sidewalk outside the club deciding where to go next, and the comedian came outside and confronted me on the street about leaving during his set.

How did that go?

# ? Jan 16, 2018 16:00

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

Al Borland Corp. posted:

Yeah, someone who literally got kicked out of a bar for making a scene may not be giving a completely accurate picture of the events that led to them making a scene.

So your take is that the comedian happened to mention "me too" in a neutral way as part of a setup, and just upon hearing those words, she just stood up and went into full hysterics for no reason and then picked a fight with her husband and then ran and lied to the internet?

# ? Jan 16, 2018 16:02

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

Anne Whateley posted:

So your take is that the comedian happened to mention "me too" in a neutral way as part of a setup, and just upon hearing those words, she just stood up and went into full hysterics for no reason and then picked a fight with her husband and then ran and lied to the internet?

My take is he probably started in on a joke having to do with interpersonal relationships between men and women which involved the metoo movement, and the lady snapped assuming where the joke was going.

Or had a bad joke about him being harassed but not really and saying "#metoo am I right?" or something stupid like that and she overreacted.

It could be freaking Tosh.0 up there and if you stand up and interrupt the show to the point security kicks you out, guess what you were probably the one in the wrong. Nobody paid money to see you take a stand over a lovely joke, you aren't going to be club hero for stopping it.

# ? Jan 16, 2018 16:05

Andy Dufresne: Aug 4, 2010; The only good race pace is suicide pace, and today looks like a good day to die

Anne Whateley posted:

So your take is that the comedian happened to mention "me too" in a neutral way as part of a setup, and just upon hearing those words, she just stood up and went into full hysterics for no reason and then picked a fight with her husband and then ran and lied to the internet?

People who interrupt comedy shows are universally idiots so I'm fine taking this position

# ? Jan 16, 2018 16:07

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

she may have made up the part about the audience cheering and singing when she was escorted out, but if that's true she was probably just being crazy

# ? Jan 16, 2018 16:07

girl pants: Sep 21, 2006; I feel a great disturbance in my pants

I'm sure that woman was driven to scream at the comedian until she got kicked out for his staunch support of #metoo!

# ? Jan 16, 2018 16:10

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

hawowanlawow posted:

she may have made up the part about the audience cheering and singing when she was escorted out, but if that's true she was probably just being crazy

They were probably singing na na na na hey hey hey goodbye

# ? Jan 16, 2018 16:11

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# ? May 28, 2024 01:34

Bunni-kat: May 25, 2010; Service Desk B-b-bunny...
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Anne Whateley posted:

went into full hysterics for no reason

She said she was already upset by the opener. She was primed to be more upset. I've no doubt the guy was making a lovely joke, but I also have no doubt she over-reacted to an insane degree because she was already riled up.

# ? Jan 16, 2018 16:15

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