- La Brea Carpet
- Nov 22, 2007
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I have no mouth and I must post
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Tell them to take their complaints up with the rock
I smell what the rock is cooking, and it's vegetables.
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Jan 21, 2018 21:19
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 28, 2024 05:06
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- boner confessor
- Apr 25, 2013
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by R. Guyovich
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My [27F] son [3M] broke his toes throwing a tantrum yesterday. I am being chastized by my mom and sister [60F & 25F] that I didn't get him the thing he threw a tantrum over.
mom did the right thing, you don't negotiate with terrorists or toddlers. remove unnecessary rocks from the backyard and or find something you can restrain the child in during a tantrum if they make a habit out of self harm during a freakout. grandmom and sister need to back off, unwanted parental advice or criticism is the worst
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Jan 21, 2018 21:49
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- Ride The Gravitron
- May 2, 2008
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by FactsAreUseless
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Nah let the kits keep hurting himself. He'll learn
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Jan 21, 2018 21:50
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- boner confessor
- Apr 25, 2013
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by R. Guyovich
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Nah let the kits keep hurting himself. He'll learn
not if it takes an ER visit. i wouldn't want to spend money on my child's tantrums. put him in a closet and check on him every couple minutes until he learns to settle down
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Jan 21, 2018 21:52
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- girl pants
- Sep 21, 2006
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I feel a great disturbance in my pants
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My [31F] husband [32M] is coping with his low self-esteem by emulating dim witted tv show characters
I hate this person. (The husband. Not the OP)
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Jan 21, 2018 21:54
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- CheesyDog
- Jul 4, 2007
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by FactsAreUseless
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The first step down the path of discovering he's a moron
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Jan 21, 2018 21:59
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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I was at costco the other day and heard what clearly sound like a toddler throwing a tantrum start up a couple aisles away, parents just continued shopping and ignored his hysterical shrieks until he ran out of steam which was p pro move. I eventually got to the aisle where i heard the screeching start and saw they had some lego sets in kind of a random place (in a corner behind beer/wine). I'm guessing that's what started it.
Kudos to the parents, I saw the little poo poo later when leaving and he had clearly forgotten all about his embarrassing display. Don't negotiate with toddlers.
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Jan 21, 2018 21:59
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- girl pants
- Sep 21, 2006
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I feel a great disturbance in my pants
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My (28F) boyfriend (30M) of 2 years is reverting back to college life
quote:submitted 3 years ago by Mulko
My boyfriend is obsessed with climbing/bouldering. He plans almost his entire life around it. He’s very good at it and has even become semi-sponsored. (He gets discounted gear through the sponsorship, not money.) We met through climbing about four years ago when we were both already in relationships and became friends. While I’ve known him, he has become more and more committed to the lifestyle. He sold his car to fund a climbing trip. He was halfway through an engineering degree and dropped out because it was getting in the way of competitions. His other “real life” friends have all moved on in various ways, so must of his friends are just as obsessed with climbing as he is. He still had other hobbies and a stable income until we relocated.
I work for the government (woo!) and was offered a promotion if I moved out west. My boyfriend was thrilled and really supportive. We decided to take the risk, accept the position and move in together. The new position required a lot of changes. I’m on call most weekends, so my days of super competitive climbing are cut back. I get hair tested, so no more fun drug times. Some days I have to travel to different work sites, so I won’t get home until after midnight. Overall, the job has been great though! It’s laid back and fun and the benefits are phenomenal! I’m really happy I made the jump. However, my boyfriend has gone the total opposite. Back home he had a 40 hour week job with benefits. Out here, one of his climbing buddies got him a job at a sandwich shop working lunch shift. He explained it would be temporary while he searched for something better….6 months later, he’s still there with no interest in leaving. Why? Because it works great with his climbing schedule and all his coworkers climb. In his defense, he lives the absolute bare bones lifestyle. No car, no insurance, minimum possessions. He can get by on very little, which is financially responsible for his income, but he also has no savings. Any extra money goes towards climbing gear, granola and travel money (gas, flights, bus tickets) to attend competitions.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a competitive climber and do well at it, but I really just want to have fun and meet people. My boyfriend used to be pretty relaxed about it as well, but since the bar is so much higher out here, he’s thrown himself into getting better. The other climbing bro’s love it and they all feed off one another. And let me just say, most of those guys suck. They are almost all single (one wears a wedding band with “climbing” inscribed on it), broke and shameless. Like musicians, but less cool. Last time I hung out there, one of the guys told me I should buy the drinks since I make “the big money.” When he’s not climbing with the dudes, he’s watching the same climbing videos online, reading climbing forums, researching new gear or compulsively checking scores on climbing results. I feel like all we ever talk or do anymore is climbing related and I am getting so frustrated! I’ve talked about making plans to do other things but he won’t commit because he’s waiting to hear about climbing. (No car means you’re tied to the guy driving out) I even tried to plan a trip to NYC for his birthday, but he says he doesn’t know if he can go until he figures out whether he has enough points to attend a “worlds level” climbing competition in August.
And then, even though I’m on birth control, I get pregnant. He’s supportive in small ways, but is reluctant to cancel a climbing date to go to the gestational ultrasound. When we talk about options, he says “he doesn’t think we’re in the right place.” I’ve never given much thought to having children, but feel this little heartache at his answer. He thinks I’d be a great mom, he wants to have kids someday, just not now. I talk to my parents and friends and decide to terminate. He comes to the procedure and the doctor tells us I couldn’t have kept it anyway. My boyfriend is visibly relieved. Now his tone is “we had no choice! We couldn’t have had it anyway!” He’s moved on, but I’m still pretty sad about it.
Reddit, I want to talk to him about all of these feelings. We’re really growing apart. While I still find him attractive, I don’t want to have sex anymore. I’m afraid I’ll become pregnant again and since nothing in his situation is changing, he’ll still choose climbing. He’s become the people we used to joke about. The people who live in a van or a tent at the prime climbing spots and eat, sleep, breathe climbing. On one hand, I’m glad he’s happy out here, but on the other, I’ve found myself having a harder time relating to him. It feels like something we used to have in common has become really divisive. My parents are furious as he spoke to them before we left about being committed to building a future together and they don’t understand why he’s backsliding. For that matter, I don’t either. I told him last month that I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but I thought his lifestyle was pretty disappointing. He said he would look for different work, but hasn’t even tried.
In the climbing “mansion” (an old house with 6 climbing dudes living in it) near us, a room is opening up. I’m seriously considering asking him to move out and live with his buddies. However, the other night he told me he was really happy with us and wanted to discuss the future. I’m so….confused. I love him and want to support him, but his lack of ambition is such a huge turn off. How can he even bring up the future when the only goals he has are all centered around some crazy sport that could easily end if he hurt himself? How do I talk to him about this without hitting below the belt? I want to do it soon because he asked one of my close friends about ring shopping. Good sweet lord, I don’t want to get engaged right now! Help!
tl;dr: I feel like my boyfriend's unhip mom.
Welp.
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Jan 21, 2018 22:01
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- boner confessor
- Apr 25, 2013
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by R. Guyovich
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I was at costco the other day and heard what clearly sound like a toddler throwing a tantrum start up a couple aisles away, parents just continued shopping and ignored his hysterical shrieks until he ran out of steam which was p pro move. I eventually got to the aisle where i heard the screeching start and saw they had some lego sets in kind of a random place (in a corner behind beer/wine). I'm guessing that's what started it.
Kudos to the parents, I saw the little poo poo later when leaving and he had clearly forgotten all about his embarrassing display. Don't negotiate with toddlers.
p decent but imo the best move is to remove the toddler if possible from the area so you're not forcing everyone else listen to your screaming hellspawn and then calmly explaining to them outside why they're being a little shithead
this may or may not be an option depending on how agreeable/cranky your toddler is that day
my biggest problem with toddler tantrums is not laughing at them. last time my kid freaked out i had to remove her from the grocery store while she was screaming "APPLE JUICE! APPPLLLLEEE JUUUUIIICCCCEEEE!!" at a demonic volume
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Jan 21, 2018 22:04
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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p decent but imo the best move is to remove the toddler if possible from the area so you're not forcing everyone else listen to your screaming hellspawn and then calmly explaining to them outside why they're being a little shithead
this may or may not be an option depending on how agreeable/cranky your toddler is that day
my biggest problem with toddler tantrums is not laughing at them. last time my kid freaked out i had to remove her from the grocery store while she was screaming "APPLE JUICE! APPPLLLLEEE JUUUUIIICCCCEEEE!!" at a demonic volume
I'd normally agree but it was a noisy crowded grocery store, like who cares if a kid is screaming.
If they make a fuss at a restaurant or something then yeah you're a garbage tier person if you don't remove them for everyone else's sake, but it was like 2 pm on sat in costco, parents gotta shop too.
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Jan 21, 2018 22:08
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- Jeza
- Feb 13, 2011
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The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.
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My (28F) boyfriend (30M) of 2 years is reverting back to college life
Welp.
Try telling him that he's already over his peak and is withering into a more worthless climber day by day no matter how hard he tries. That or she should "climb" straight into a different relationship with somebody whose interests stretch beyond going up and down big rocks.
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Jan 21, 2018 22:09
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- champagne posting
- Apr 5, 2006
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YOU ARE A BRAIN
IN A BUNKER
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My (28F) boyfriend (30M) of 2 years is reverting back to college life
Welp.
Good news!
Update!: My (28F) boyfriend (30M) of 2 years is reverting back to college life
quote:
Link to the original: http://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/27fe70/my_28f_boyfriend_30m_of_2_years_is_reverting_back/
I didn’t think people would care that much about an update, but I keep getting private messages asking what happened. I've gotten more messages than responses on my post. Apparently a lot of us have dated climbers! For the sake of ending the story, here’s how things went after our post.
Work had slowed down a lot and while I was still putting in overtime here and there, I wasn’t really traveling to worksites. We were spending more time together and I felt like one night in particular was a good time to bring up the subject. The conversation went….okay. I told him I was frustrated that he keeps talking about finding a new job, but never follows through. I brought him two different work flyers that I thought would be right up his alley. One was for climbing up cellular reception towers (come on! Even I think that sounds intriguing!) and the other was for an engineering assistant. He basically said that he knows there is no future at his current work, but it pays enough for him to get by and he’s having fun. Well, I told him I understood, but I was thinking that maybe we should stop living together. This turned into an argument about chores, money and (the big one) what we wanted out of the future.
He reiterated that he wants kids, marriage and that he loves me very much, but he doesn’t want to do those things right now. I asked him what would happen if I got pregnant again and he said that was very unlikely. When I told him I felt that he had made climbing his #1 priority, he balked and said I was exaggerating. I threw open the closet door and pulled out all the camping equipment he bought before we came out here…..all still with tags attached. (Unless I’ve used it. He hasn’t come on those trips because he’s been climbing.) This is hundreds of dollars of gear untouched over an 8 month period! I pointed out his dusty mountain bike. He said he doesn’t have a car. What about the Frisbee golf bag that is in our storage container? He hasn’t had time. At this point, I just started crying. These were all activities we used to really enjoy and do together. I just feel like an idiot. I tell him I understand where he’s at in his life and I want him to be happy, but I’m going to start looking for another apartment. We have a little over a month left on our lease, so at the end we can part ways amicably. He looks completely devastated. All he says back is “if that’s what you want.”
I found an apartment and will be moving out in a week. Things have been cordial enough. We share a studio and he keeps the bed, while I sleep in the closet on a camping cot. Hey! It finally got some use. He’s moving into the climbing house (temporarily, he says). My parents are worried that I’m falling apart, but I feel okay. Sad, but okay. I still really care about him, but I’ve realized almost all of the stress in my life was coming from the energy I was putting into our relationship. Maybe it’ll sink in when we finally do split ways? So there you have it.
tl;dr: Not really any big drama show, just the end of another mid to late 20’s relationship.
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Jan 21, 2018 22:11
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- girl pants
- Sep 21, 2006
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I feel a great disturbance in my pants
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Try telling him that he's already over his peak and is withering into a more worthless climber day by day no matter how hard he tries. That or she should "climb" straight into a different relationship with somebody whose interests stretch beyond going up and down big rocks.
Good news!
Update!: My (28F) boyfriend (30M) of 2 years is reverting back to college life
This relationship has, as they say, "topped out". I mostly posted the original because I thought it was loving hilarious that there's somebody out there with a wedding ring engraved with "climbing". Also,
quote:We share a studio and he keeps the bed, while I sleep in the closet on a camping cot.
I hope this lady learns self-respect at some point.
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Jan 21, 2018 22:15
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- girl pants
- Sep 21, 2006
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I feel a great disturbance in my pants
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Me [24 M] with my GF [24 F] of 5 years, I am finding her lack of interest in personal improvement unattractive
quote:submitted 2 years ago by 2blunt4U
I have been with my gorgeous girlfriend(Jane) for over 5 years. When we started going out I was very out of shape. I honestly don't see what she saw in me. Our relationship has been great even though the last 2 years have been semi long distance due to me moving away for work and we have only been able to see each-other most weekends.
About 3 years ago I became interested in fitness and have been constantly improving myself since. I have tried to share this interest with my girlfriend but she hasn't shown the same passion for it as I have. I am in the gym 4 days a week and on other days I am playing soccer or bouldering. Jane will begrudgingly go to the gym 2 or 3 times a week and run twice a week as well. She managed to get her diet on point for about 2 months but then stopped using her calorie tracking app and since then hasn't cared at all what she is eating.
The problem I am having is that lately I have been finding her indifference towards personal improvement unattractive. It is not so much how she actually looks but her attitude towards herself that I have an issue with. She has no interest in making any changes and I am finding it increasingly frustrating when we (infrequently) make it to the bedroom and she is the same. Now don't get me wrong. I am still very attracted to her but there is an ever increasing feeling that there is room for improvement and I deserve that improvement.
I tried to bring this up with her this evening after she backed out of run we had planned for later in the evening and also stated that she would rather sleep than join me in the gym tomorrow morning. I was blunt and tactless when bringing this up. I told her that I want her to improve herself for herself and me. I told her that I work hard on myself and I feel I deserve the effort from her to improve herself. It didn't go down well.
She took it as a personal insult that I don't think she is good enough for me. She feels she shouldn't have to change to fit what I like. I should accept her for who she is.
Reddit am I being an rear end in a top hat? How can I tactfully express that I want her to work on herself without it being interpreted that she isn't good enough for me? I will be meeting her tomorrow for lunch since I guess the gym is out of the question.
tl;dr: Girlfriend shows little interest in improving her appearance which I am beginning to find unattractive. I brought it up(poorly). Going for round 2 tomorrow and need help.
"My girlfriend is gorgeous and exercises 2-3 times a week but I feel like she should do more because I DESERVE it!"
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Jan 21, 2018 23:23
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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Me [24 M] with my GF [24 F] of 5 years, I am finding her lack of interest in personal improvement unattractive
"My girlfriend is gorgeous and exercises 2-3 times a week but I feel like she should do more because I DESERVE it!"
Jane will begrudgingly go to the gym 2 or 3 times a week and run twice a week as well.
so she hits the gym 2-3x a week and runs 2x a week?
what exactly is she not doing.
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Jan 21, 2018 23:53
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- tactlessbastard
- Feb 4, 2001
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Godspeed, post
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Fun Shoe
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I'd normally agree but it was a noisy crowded grocery store, like who cares if a kid is screaming.
If they make a fuss at a restaurant or something then yeah you're a garbage tier person if you don't remove them for everyone else's sake, but it was like 2 pm on sat in costco, parents gotta shop too.
About a year ago, my then 4yo had a complete meltdown at a Mexican restraunt because the waitress put her sister's drink down before hers. I carried her out of there, screaming the whole way and we haven't been gone out to eat (with the kids) since. Maybe when they are in college we'll try again.
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Jan 22, 2018 00:15
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- Jeffrey of YOSPOS
- Dec 22, 2005
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lmao the old thread had some doozies:
My wife got a giant tattoo of my face.
quote:
posting on Reddit because I'm completely at a loss. I love my wife, we have a great relationship and I haven't seen any red flags of crazy until tonight. I'm flabbergasted.
My wife works as a server at a popular chain restaurant and I work as a lower level manager at a small faith based organization (don't want to reveal anything identifying on here, but suffice it to say my wife's work environment is more accepting of tattoos than mine). We've talked about our shared appreciation of tattoos before, but my wife only has a small turtle on her ankle she got in college, and I don't have any yet because I didn't have the money for the sleeve I want until I took this job and now I can't have anything visible. Anyways, we both like them but my wife has only expressed wanting a tattoo of a dragon, lilies, an octopus, or other trendy designs. It's her body and I always encourage her to do what she wants and tell her I'd support her no matter what, because I thought I would. Now I wonder if I've led her on.
Our anniversary is tomorrow (Friday) and I made low key plans for us to go out to dinner at her favorite restaurant, and bought her a bottle of her favorite cognac, Courvoisier. We usually celebrate by doing something romantic, and last year her gift to me was cooking lessons that we did together.
Tonight, she told me she had to stay late at work to cover someone's shift, so I didn't question it, and then she came home a few hours later (but earlier than a full shift, which was suspicious) but she was beaming. Apparently, she didn't even go to her own shift today because she spent her afternoon getting a giant loving portrait of my face on her upper thigh. It is well done but it still looks like a leather version of me covered in soot because that's how tattoos are, and it looks tacky as gently caress, not to mention creepy! She gave me no warning but she looked so happy and told me she planned it months in advance so she could "surprise" me and worked with the artist to do it all in one session, though she says it's still not finished. Why?? I am honestly so creeped out. I love her to death but I can't imagine what would compel a person to do this. I smiled and feigned liking it (because it's permanently etched on her body so what difference does it make now if I tell her I hate it? She can't get it removed, it's the diameter of a cantaloupe). I don't know what to do and I'm feeling 50 things at once.
What happens when somebody sees it? It's so embarrassing, and it's going to look like I branded my mark on her or something. Her parents are probably going to hate me, especially since I can't and won't reciprocate by getting a tattoo of her. What will our children think? We don't have any yet but we've been trying for a year and we both want them. Now I can't stop thinking about how humiliating it will be to go to an OBGYN appointment with her that we were planning for our conception issues and having a giant picture of my face on her leg. There are so many things that keep popping up. And why her leg?? How will I ever have sex with my wife again when I have to stare at my own face to do so?
More than anything, I feel so betrayed. Why wouldn't she consult me? It's her body but it's a photo of my loving face. She didn't even pick a photo I liked (not that that would have made it okay, but that's how detached she is from reality). This is not the woman I married and I don't know what to do. She's asleep next to me, thankfully wearing pants, and I've been up texting my friends for help. I want to call my parents but it's the middle of the night and I feel too humiliated. What do I do? How do I even bring this up? Does our marriage have some serious loving problems I didn't know about until today? We usually communicate so well and we're always on the same page. What the gently caress?
Tl;dr: My wife got a bigass tattoo of my face on her leg without telling me, expecting me to enjoy the anniversary surprise, but I just feel like I got hit by a truck. Where do I go from here?
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Jan 22, 2018 00:16
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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lmao the old thread had some doozies:
My wife got a giant tattoo of my face.
Wasn't there one where after a bad breakup the dude got like a huge tat of a nude photo of his ex on his back or something and went around shirtless in places her friends/coworkers would see.
Like he put revenge porn on his body
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Jan 22, 2018 00:21
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- Ham Sandwiches
- Jul 7, 2000
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lmao the old thread had some doozies:
My wife got a giant tattoo of my face.
He's married to the unironic lady version of steveo and it's fantastic
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Jan 22, 2018 00:22
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- ArbitraryC
- Jan 28, 2009
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Pick a number, any number
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Pillbug
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Think it was this one
[California] Ex-boyfriend tattooed an x-rated photo of me on his arm. Is this revenge porn?
quote:I'll try to make this quick...I'm shaking so bad it's hard to type or think straight really. I dated my boyfriend on and off for 2 years and it was a roller coaster relationship. I finally got the courage to leave and not get dragged back in. Once he realized I wasn't going to cave and come back to him this time, things turned even uglier...for a few days. Then radio silence. I could tell poo poo was going to hit the fan and even played out scenarios in my head of what awful was to come but I never expected ANYTHING like this.
In the beginning of our relationship ex-BF and I took intimate videos. I know, I am utterly stupid. I've been scared of him using this as "revenge porn" but because of CA's revenge porn laws, I didn't think he'd go there. He's already on probation and does not want to get in more legal trouble, despite him wanting to hurt me.
I woke up Wednesday morning to a post of his friends showing ex-BF's new tattoo on his upper arm. It's me...with his semen covering my face. It's a still from one of the intimate movies. The tattoo artist is very talented...there's NO second guessing that its me. I googled around and found a similar tattoo to give you an idea (in the comments). Apparently this is something other people have tattooed and maybe how he got the idea?? I'm horrified. Can he really do this? The tattoo is HUGE...takes up his entire upper arm. It's not like he has a sleeve or anything to distract from it (he has other tattoos but in places like his chest and back). In the photo ex-BF is smiling with a big thumbs up and his friends are sharing it and commented "LOL" and hateful poo poo. I can get over his lovely friends, but what if this gets shared a bunch on social media and goes viral? Will it ever go away if it's on the internet? Also, what about the people he will encounter for the rest of his life seeing this tattoo of me? I'm so horrified, I am really really not in a good mental state right now.
Is this protected under revenge porn? Can I legally get him to remove it or cover it up? Please help.
Edit: Thank you for your responses...please keep them coming. If you don't mind, don't upvote...I don't necessarily want any more visibility...just advice. Thank you, reddit.
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Jan 22, 2018 00:29
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- Jeza
- Feb 13, 2011
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The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.
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lmao was there any follow up to face tattoo? Props to that guy taking it in his stride (apparently) and saying he liked it. Don't think I could possibly manage that. Did he ever confront her and break her heart? Did he just buckle up and stare at his own face for sex forever? Did he break up and leave his face on her leg forever?
So many questions.
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Jan 22, 2018 00:30
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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Me [24 M] with my GF [24 F] of 5 years, I am finding her lack of interest in personal improvement unattractive
"My girlfriend is gorgeous and exercises 2-3 times a week but I feel like she should do more because I DESERVE it!"
never enough reeeeeeeeeeeeeee
e: reminds me of the guy who I met from okcupid who opened with "i thought you'd be thinner >:/ ". at the time I was 5'8" 115 lbs lol. whew it's easy to relapse into eating disorders with all that around, although that one had sort of the opposite effect haha
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Jan 22, 2018 00:38
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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I hope you ate a piece of cake in front of him and then flipped him off.
I just laughed and got up and left 
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Jan 22, 2018 00:42
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- Sound Mr. Brown
- Feb 21, 2005
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The love of learning, the sequestered nooks,
And all the sweet serenity of books.
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how do you not post at least link to the example picture she mentioned, c'mon now
Sound Mr. Brown fucked around with this message at 00:57 on Jan 22, 2018
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Jan 22, 2018 00:44
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- Jeffrey of YOSPOS
- Dec 22, 2005
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Another one from the old thread, not funny but quite dark despite there not really being any villains. Tearing up a little.
I (36M) snooped and found out that my wife (33F) of three years has been living some kind of sad double life and is not who I thought she was.
quote:
Throwaway because the wife knows my main. Sorry in advance for this rambling mess.
Since my wife and I got married three years ago, things have been…off. I know that people grow and change with time, but around our wedding, my wife changed drastically. She bleached her dark brown hair blonde right before the ceremony, and I honestly thought I was in the wrong church for a split second when she came down the aisle. We moved into our house right after the honeymoon, and she went into full domestic mode. We’d shared cleaning duties before, but once we moved into the house, she became INSISTENT on doing everything before I could even get to it. Since this is our first house, I thought it was some kind of homeowner nesting thing, but it never stopped. Her hair color is none of my business and I think most people would be happy not to have to clean, so I honestly didn’t really think much of either of those things at the time. The big thing has always been how closed off she got after the wedding. When we were dating, she’d tell me long rambling stories about her feelings and rant to me when she was upset and all that, and I liked hearing about what was going on inside her head. After the wedding, that stopped pretty abruptly. If I ask her how her day is, she will only ever tell me that it was “fine!” or “super!” She doesn’t talk to me about her feelings anymore, ever, even when I explicitly ask “how do you feel about x?” She also stopped telling me about anything important that happened to her. About a year after we got married, her grandfather died. Did she tell me she’d lost her grandfather? No. She told me that she had to go to a conference for work on the other side of the country, which I thought nothing of. On the second day she was gone, her older brother texted me to tell me that my in-laws had really missed seeing me at the funeral. When I called her to ask why in the ever loving hell she didn’t tell me, and then LIED about it, all she would say was “I didn’t want to trouble you. You have a lot on your plate”. After that, she went on a couple of “spontaneous family trips”. She’s really, REALLY close to her family, so the first time she said she was going camping with her brother at their alma mater, I didn’t think a lot of it other than to be slightly disappointed and confused that I wasn’t invited, because her brother’s cool and the three of us go camping together a lot. But the second time, I started hearing alarm bells
I’d like to say I’m a more secure man, reddit, but after the second “spontaneous family trip”, my wheels started spinning and I started to think that maybe she was cheating. This was a weird insecurity in the back of my mind for a while, since she wasn’t showing any other big signs of cheating (she wasn’t guarded about her phone and hadn’t changed her routine/appearance). A few weeks ago, she told me she was pregnant. I was over the moon about it until I asked her how many weeks along she was, and she nonchalantly said “about 12 or 13”. She’d been pregnant for like three months before she even bothered to tell me! She’s not really showing at all, and she doesn’t usually drink, so I had been completely in the loving dark. I honestly hadn’t even suspected.
That was kind of it for me. I was sure she was cheating, and that it wasn’t my kid. I thought there was no possible way that a woman would keep her pregnancy a secret from HER HUSBAND for three months. So I snooped. Yes, I know I was wrong, but I wanted proof that she’d been having an affair before I moved out. One of my best buddies from college is a divorce attorney, and when I asked him what I should do, he sent me the info for a key logger. I installed it on my wife’s laptop and was prepared for the worst. Now, I feel like what I found is somehow worse than her cheating. I didn’t find any steamy messages, but I found out that she keeps a diary in a word document that she writes in every day. I know I should have just stopped once I knew she wasn’t cheating, but once I saw my name in her diary, I couldn’t stop. I read all of it. All seven separate documents, going back to way before we’d even met.
Turns out she’s not cheating. She’s depressed as gently caress, hates herself, and has absolutely no trust in me. All of the stuff I’d been confused and bothered by has some kind of sad, self-loathing explanation. She hates having blond hair, but she writes “I know he’d divorce me if I went back to being a brunette, because wives are supposed to be blond” almost every week. The “wives are supposed to be” thing is tangled up in everything. She thinks wives are supposed to be quiet, which is why she doesn’t talk to me anymore. She thinks wives are supposed to “make things easier for their husbands, not harder”, which is why she didn’t tell me when her grandfather died. It just goes on and on and on. She didn’t tell me when she got a huge promotion and a raise because “he’d leave me in a heartbeat if he knew I made more money than he does. Men can’t handle that”. It hurt to know that she thinks of me as some kind of one-dimensional 1950’s husband, and I’ve been wracking my brain to think of anything I could have done to make her think this way.
What I can’t handle is that she’d lied about the big stuff. I honestly don’t know if I can forgive her for not telling me about the miscarriages. The “spontaneous family trips” were actually her miscarrying two of our children, one at five weeks, the other at about 10. She went and stayed with her parents while she was recuperating, and her brother and sister came to support her. But not me. I didn’t get to be there for her, because she thinks I would leave her immediately if I knew that she’d “killed” our children. She’s convinced that she caused both miscarriages because she smoked pot for a long time before we got married. For what it’s worth, it sounds like her family tried both times to get her to tell me, but she wouldn’t. She finally told me about this pregnancy because her parents threatened to tell me she didn’t.
I’m just absolutely loving dumbfounded. I don’t even know what to think right now. I’m just so baffled because everything she says about me in her diary is insanely nice. She goes on for pages and pages about how much she loves me and how she thinks I’m her soul mate and how she would do anything for me. I just can’t understand why she thinks that I would leave her. Knowing that she’s spent the last three years walking on eggshells around me, convinced that I would leave her at the drop of a hat is just so…confusing and awful. I feel like our marriage is some kind of lie. The woman I thought was self-confident and ready to take on the world is actually full of self-loathing and really, really, REALLY depressed. I don’t know her at all. She’s been suffering silently with depression long before we met. She has no faith in me, no trust. She thinks that every hug and kiss I give her and every “I love you” I say is a lie.
I just don’t know what to do. She obviously needs serious help, but I don’t know how to get it for her. I can’t tell her that I read her diary. If she has zero trust in me now, I can’t even imagine what she’d think if she knew if I read six years worth of her private thoughts. I feel like I need to get my in-laws on board somehow, but I don’t know what to say to them. I know I can’t ignore this, but I feel like any move is the wrong move. What do I do??
Tl;dr: thought wife was cheating so I snooped and read her diary. She's actually insanely depressed, has secretly miscarried two of our children, and doesn't trust me one iota. How do I get her help without making things worse?
Edit: after I posted this I realized I'd kind of omitted the deal with the key logger. It's worse than it sounds, honestly. After it showed me what she'd written that day I went onto her computer while she was sleeping and opened up Word. I saw that she had several documents called "diary year x" so I downloaded them all onto a flash drive and read them at work. I went too far, I know.
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Jan 22, 2018 00:51
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- Midnight Voyager
- Jul 2, 2008
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Lipstick Apathy
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I don't think keylogging was too far but yeah, I gotta imagine the woman he loved is gone anyway. It's just really sad all around. No idea if there was ever any follow-up.
I mean, I'd have said it was too far in general? But in this instance, holy gently caress, this absolutely needed to come out by any means.
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Jan 22, 2018 01:10
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 28, 2024 05:06
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- Pick
- Jul 19, 2009
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Nap Ghost
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I think keylogging was fine. How else was this going to come out? Post-suicide, I imagine.
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Jan 22, 2018 01:18
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Jan 21, 2018 21:19
Cat Army 
Keylogging was obviously too far, but christ, she needs help.
