Pvt.Scott posted:

Horsie has hooves

E: the manual mode on an automatic is handy for snow and ice. Certainly not going to fulfill your race car fantasies tho.

Admiral Ray posted:

i (27f) just found out my best freind (27f) drunkenly kissed my husband (27m) of 2 years at our super bowl party last night. View this as a Drunken mistske or do I go nuclear? Relationships (self.relationships)


Never forgive, never forget, OP. Destroy her life.

Bamabalacha posted:

I live in a place where pretty much no one, regardless of how rich they are/how sweet their car is actually likes driving, so the concept of someone saying “I love driving around the city in this car so much!” is completely loving weird to me.

Pick posted:

English food is gross, too

Pick posted:

English food is gross, too

Bamabalacha posted:

I live in Toronto and my family’s from New York City, we are people of lands of amazing food and terrible gridlock.

Pick posted:

So you went from New York City to Canada New York City

Al Borland Corp. posted:

Regardless I would encourage you all to purchase Hyundai and to a lesser extent Kia brand vehicles

Smirking_Serpent posted:

This was a really good reply to the "SO-likes-daughter-swap-porn" post:

I made a throwaway to post this comment as I want to share with you but this is a part of my life I don't like to talk about for what will be obvious reasons.

I got married way too young, and shortly after I found out my husband was into some weird porn similar to what you describe. And like you, I managed to make it OK with myself. I am into kinky things myself, but I didn't have a good judge of what's healthy kinky and what's just kind of hosed up. What he was into was kind of hosed up.

Then I found out he was in online text RPG groups actually roleplaying out some of this stuff... he managed to convince me it was all harmless creative writing. OK, again.

Then I found out he was building relationships outside the game with some of the people he RP'd with... he managed to convince me that me questioning it was me being "controlling" and a "nag", he was allowed his own social life, me questioning it was "interfering". Ok... again. He kept poking holes in condoms to get me pregnant, and it worked a couple of times but I kept having miscarriages. Each time he would get absolutely apoplectic, make me sleep in the bathtub and not talk to me for weeks till he calmed down and "forgave" me.

Then I found out his late nights in the city and weekends away at work were actually him meeting some of these people. He managed to convince me that an open relationship was the solution (I was pretty hosed up because of years of emotional and mental abuse at this point), I figured as long as it mean he was no longer going to touch me, I was ok with that.

A couple of years later the police knocked on the door, they sat me down and explained they'd arrested him in another city where he had been meeting one of his online "friends"... and having sex with her 11 year old daughter.

They'd been tracking him for months, he was a very, very active pedophile. All those things I'd accepted were actually the path he trod to actualizing his fantasies. I was married to a pedophile... I found out in the months that followed of getting divorced and the trial that the only reason he'd married me in the first place was because I had been raped as a child by an uncle, and the idea really turned him on.

I have several serious suicide attempts in the 20 years since then, the scars are very visible and the last attempt 12 years ago left me partially disabled. I had to have years of therapy and can only barely call myself "OK" now, but I still can't bare to be touched, and can't live with anyone because of how bad my anxiety is. Thankfully I'm tech savvy and work online coding, I couldn't support myself at all otherwise or be considered functional.

If I had realized how completely unacceptable those warning signs were I could at the very least have extracted myself and saved myself years of abuse. I thank God every day I never had children with him (and I dreamed of kids), I can't imagine what kind of horrifying nightmare that would have been.

You have SO many of the similar warning signs going on in your life, AND you have kids... please please... please... get away from him. Don't make the mistakes I did of OKing the aberrant behavior and accepting the abuse because you think you can't do better or you're stuck. It absolutely will just keep escalating, your daughters are at risk even if you don't think you deserve better. Think of them.

I won't be logging back into this account or replying to any comments, typing this all out has made me feel really sick. I hope it was worth it.

Three Olives posted:

You are a baby or a poor if you get a manual these days, automatics are better in every way, Ferrari doesn't even make manual cars anymore, Ferrari.

quote:

When he came around to my workstation he said “Hey Frank, here’s your check” and held it out to me. I reached out to take it and he lifted it above his head, knowing I couldn’t reach it (I’m 5’7”, he’s 6’3” maybe). I got out of my chair and humored him a little by trying to jump for it, he started laughing and after a few jump attempts he dropped the check on my desk and walked away laughing. A couple of other people in the office were laughing too.

quote:

My husband and I have been married for 3 years, having dated for 3 years before that. We have both always wanted to be parents and planned to have a child during our marriage. I have tokophobia, which is a pathological fear of pregnancy and childbirth. This is obviously at odds with our life goals and something I have been seeing a therapist for over the past year in preparation for starting our family. I had many conversations with my husband about considering adoption or surrogacy, but he very much wants the child to be ours genetically, which I can understand. He also wants a more "traditional" pregnancy where he and I are the only two people involved. He doesn't want our baby growing inside another woman and being birthed by her, nor does he want the baby to have a "second mother" that we will have to maintain a relationship with. I thought these were valid opinions and I believed I had made good progress in therapy, so I agreed to conceive the natural way on the condition that this would be our only child.

I swear that it felt like everything I accomplished in therapy was undone the moment I saw that second little pink line. I am 13 weeks pregnant now and every hour of every day has been agony. My phobia aside, it has been a miserable pregnancy because I have been nauseous and vomiting every day. Chicken makes me sick. Potatoes make me sick. Yogurt makes me sick. I cannot even stand the smell of most foods without vomiting. I have been eating mostly plain toast and pasta and drinking water for the last several months. I have actually lost 2 pounds since becoming pregnant, which I know is bad but I feel like literally everything gives me nausea. I am not doing this on purpose or being dramatic. I desperately want to eat normal food, but I can't. My doctor is insisting that this level of food aversion is uncommonly severe but not indicative of a problem, just bad luck. My mother said that she was sick every single day when she was pregnant with me and also developed gestational diabetes.

My phobia is making things unfathomably worse. I can't sleep at night because of the anxiety I feel at all times. I swear I can already feel movement, and every time it happens I get a jolt of adrenaline and dread like someone is holding a knife to my throat. I can't think ahead to the happy moments of spending time with my child, all I can think of is the agony of months of pregnancy and childbirth still to come. When I take showers I feel like I am losing way more hair than I should and I fear it's because of the stress. My heart is always pounding and there is just no respite whatsoever from this.

I have tried my best to endure it for the sake of my baby and my husband, but I feel like I don't have anything left to give. I am at the absolute end of my rope and I just need it to end. My husband has gone out of his way to be supportive, doing all of the housework, eating all of his meals outside the house because the smells make me vomit, helping me up the stairs because I have sudden dizziness and fainting spells. I love him and I truly appreciate that he has basically put his life on hold to try and help me through this, but it's just not enough. I don't think I can live through the illness and fear and anxiety for the remainder of this pregnancy.

I have an ultrasound scheduled this time next month where we are going to learn the sex of the baby. It feels impossible to even say this to myself, let alone my husband, but I have been having serious thoughts about ending the pregnancy before we find out the sex, pick out a name, and become even more attached than we already are. My window for even being able to do this is going to close soon and I just...don't think I can go any further. I am crying as I am typing this out because I want to be a mother so bad and I know it's wrong to terminate a planned baby. If I did go through with the termination I would want to get a surrogate and have our baby right away after we've had a little time to grieve. I am not extremely religious, but I do believe with all my heart that the soul of my baby would be reborn in the surrogate.

tl;dr: I need help knowing if this is the right choice...I am 95% sure it is but I really need someone to tell me it's okay and that I'm not a monster. And I need help coming up with the words to tell my husband. If I don't have a script I don't think I'd be able to get it out.

quote:

I have talked to him about it. He says there is nothing to do now but push on through because it's too late to turn back.

Skutter posted:

Me [30F] and husband [29M]. Pregnant with a planned baby but extremely afraid of pregnancy. It's rough and I am having second thoughts.


Good thing she has a therapist to talk--

quote:

I have tokophobia, which is a pathological fear of pregnancy and childbirth.

Arivia posted:

But from what she says she’s not in any actual physical distress, just mental.

quote:

I have been nauseous and vomiting every day
I cannot even stand the smell of most foods without vomiting.
I have been eating mostly plain toast and pasta and drinking water for the last several months.
I have actually lost 2 pounds since becoming pregnant
My mother said that she was sick every single day when she was pregnant with me and also developed gestational diabetes.
I have sudden dizziness and fainting spells

quote:

This is her therapist trying to encourage her to do what she wants to do, even as she’s freaking out about it.

13Pandora13 posted:

Everything about this sucks but 100% should have been discussed and clearly agreed upon before marriage.

If she terminates the marriage is over and depending on the state is going to get very ugly in court.

Arivia posted:

Honestly that sounds like an okay therapeutic opinion. Yes it sucks and it’s horrible and she wants to abort. But from what she says she’s not in any actual physical distress, just mental. And her therapist of all people should be the one to remind her that things are rough but are going okay, and that her life goals and dreams shouldn’t be stopping because of her mental distress. This is her therapist trying to encourage her to do what she wants to do, even as she’s freaking out about it.

quote:

I am not extremely religious, but I do believe with all my heart that the soul of my baby would be reborn in the surrogate.

Sierra Nevadan posted:

This lady is crazy and needs to be in therapy and not think of raising any children in the near future. She also needs to stand up for herself or get divorced so she doesn't end up in the situation of agreeing to a pregnancy with her spouse and then going off and killing the baby in secret.

quote:

Everyone I know who has been pregnant tells me this, but it really doesn't feel normal. My phobia is the worst part, I feel like every moment is terror. For the past five weeks or so I have been having sporadic suicidal thoughts. I really don't think I can do this.

quote:

I will admit that I have felt a lot of anger towards my husband recently. I was very much willing to adopt or get a surrogate and, while I understand there are reasons for not wanting those things, I am angry that he basically painted me into a corner where the only choice he would accept would be for me to live in fear and sickness for 40 weeks.

Anne Whateley posted:

a) this is clearly not a thing she wants to do, this is a thing she was pressured into after hoping for literally any other option

b) that is not encouragement

Skutter posted:

Me [30F] and husband [29M]. Pregnant with a planned baby but extremely afraid of pregnancy. It's rough and I am having second thoughts.


Good thing she has a therapist to talk--

Dienes posted:

It sucks that there isn't a system where people who can't get pregnant or for whatever reason shouldn't/don't want to go through pregnancy could, like, get babies from other people to raise as their own child.

loquacius posted:

At some point this thread started talking about murdering people a lot

Skutter posted:

Me [30F] and husband [29M]. Pregnant with a planned baby but extremely afraid of pregnancy. It's rough and I am having second thoughts.


Good thing she has a therapist to talk--

quote:

I am not extremely religious, but I do believe with all my heart that the soul of my baby would be reborn in the surrogate.

loquacius posted:

At some point this thread started talking about murdering people a lot

Admiral Ray posted:

If you terminate you will need to get a divorce.


It's because we got , but we had the already serviceable .

SirSamVimes posted:

SirSamVimes posted:

I thought we got because this thread kept talking about murder.

loquacius posted:

At some point this thread started talking about murdering people a lot

SirSamVimes posted:

I thought we got because this thread kept talking about murder.

loquacius posted:

At some point this thread started talking about murdering people a lot

Arivia posted:

She’s pregnant. Those seem to be pregnancy effects that run in her family from what you’ve quoted.

quote:

Everyone I know who has been pregnant tells me this, but it really doesn't feel normal. My phobia is the worst part, I feel like every moment is terror.

Arivia posted:

She makes it very clear she wants a child, to have a family, etc.

quote:

I will admit that I have felt a lot of anger towards my husband recently. I was very much willing to adopt or get a surrogate and, while I understand there are reasons for not wanting those things, I am angry that he basically painted me into a corner where the only choice he would accept would be for me to live in fear and sickness for 40 weeks.

Arivia posted:

Also we’re hearing what the therapist said second hand so it might not be that blunt. Even if it is, “just do it and cope afterwards” is a pretty key anti-anxiety technique. This is the kind of stuff my therapist does with me for my own anxiety issues and so on. I get the feeling you’ve never actually done anti-anxiety therapy. This fits pretty well.

quote:

For the past five weeks or so I have been having sporadic suicidal thoughts. I really don't think I can do this.

Dienes posted:

It sucks that there isn't a system where people who can't get pregnant or for whatever reason shouldn't/don't want to go through pregnancy could, like, get babies from other people to raise as their own child.

Midnight Voyager posted:

Nah, it's not MY BABY if my sperm didn't go into my wife to make it. That makes the baby more important to me for some reason. Or something.