/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

«‹›6020 »

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

The next time he pulls the muffin stunt poison the muffins.

# ? Feb 8, 2018 22:32

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 13, 2024 23:29

P-Mack: Nov 10, 2007

girl pants posted:

Golly gosh gee reddit he screams at me constantly, snoops on my poo poo, controls my weight, and is trying to isolate me from my family but he's never actually hit me what do I do

You can't leave someone unless you get a notarized certificate verifying it as capital-A Abuse. Otherwise you just have to put up with it for the rest of your life.

# ? Feb 8, 2018 22:34

DeathSandwich: Apr 24, 2008; I fucking hate puzzles.

chitoryu12 posted:

You would think a search of "plaintiff" would be ripe with results, but there's only 4. I picked the most insufferable.

Me [19M] in an upper managerial role, subject of a sexual harassment claim made by employees [16F, 18F], input wanted

I don't want this to get lost on the previous page. This guy is a total shithead and is using all the weasel words he can to downplay his role in all of this. I've got even odds that he's banging every woman in this story based on how he's talking about it.

:murder:

this kid if only to save his boss the anxiety of his right hand man not understanding why you don't date coworkers.

# ? Feb 8, 2018 22:36

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Found while searching "leaf".

Do I [28F] keep trying with my tremulous husband [47M]?

quote:

This is extremely long, I feel like in order to receive proper advice, all variables of our history needs to be included. I apologize in advance and grateful for any additional insight or thoughts, thank you.

Meeting
My husband and I met at a house party that we were invited to by mutual friends, our meeting was surrounded in itself by very toxic people and a toxic environment.

I had only turned 18 a couple months prior, was still in highschool, dealing with a very emotionally unbalanced parents. I was raised in a very loving church community and raised with good values though. I have also suffered from extreme, crippling anxiety. I was secretly drinking, smoking pot and self harming to cope. Which is against my faith.

When I met my husband, he was separated from his first wife and had two children from that marriage. I found out his kids and I were only a few years apart in age.

He was the oldest in our group by far, would supply alcohol, would buy things that I admired, would travel an hour to pick me up every day. I felt heard for the first time in my life and also treated as an adult which I hadn't experienced before. I was also being heavily desired by him.

There were red flags looking back:

Crossed my physical boundaries during sex, was greedy during it and pressured me to let him just use the pull out method. Being extremely inexperienced and uneducated, I was still hesitant but I did give into the pressure.
He drank constantly, drove drunk constantly. He was the type to black out drink or consume until he was sick.
He'd buy me and our friends alcohol, he was in his 30s and our friends/myself was 17/18.
He allowed and encouraged his kids to drink 12-14.
He drove drunk with his kids daily.
He would take his kids to sports bars every day.
Would allow his kids to drive and their friends @ 12-14.

Moving in/baby
I ended up getting pregnant whilst still in highschool and only a couple months after meeting him. I couldn't tell my parents, I moved out of my childhood home after hiding my pregnancy for 6 months. We moved in together and I tried to continue school but eventually dropped out.

My anxiety was (still) so bad I've never driven a car and cry/shake hysterically when sitting in the drivers seat with the engine off. Haven't had any work experience. I didn't see a doctor until I was 7 months pregnant and I didn't tell my parents until a week after I had my baby.

I was isolated, living in a very scary area, trying to be a stepmom with no support, no support during my pregnancy or birth of my baby. I was scared to tell my parents and so I stayed and tried to make it work.

I would remind him of birthday and celebrations to encourage him not to drink away the money. Many times he couldn't afford gifts for his kids. I had no preparations for my baby because drinking was his priority. We lived very very poorly. But I wanted to make this work still. I had to.

I would fix snacks for after school for his kids, encourage him to spend sober time with them, we had them every day after school 5 days a week. I cooked all meals and did all entertainment. His kids weren't encouraged to respect me at all.

They stole things from me. Broke items from my childhood on purpose, items that were my family heritage. Would wake the baby up. Were given the freedom to criticize my parenting of baby, my house cleaning, cooked food, opinions of anything, and would tell me of how I needed to treat their Dad. I also hosted their friends quite often. But I still wanted to make this work, I had to.

Been a couple years
Fast forward a few years; his kids are now adults, I'm raising our daughter emotionally solo whilst he is out partying and sleeping around. He would only come home a few hours a night (3?).

He would be furious when I needed to shop for house, groceries, or baby and would spent the whole time berating me. I've had to walk off and leave a cart full of groceries sometimes because I'd break down and cry from a mix of panic attack & stress from him tearing me down the whole trip.

I'd beg him to take me shopping sober for the things we needed, he was unable to manage that and I had to call the police once after an altercation in the car. We had a few physical altercations like pushing me to the ground, driving off while I'm half way in the car on purpose, tried to drive off with my baby drunk/refusing to give her back to me.

He blew $20k inheritance on drinking and the consequences from his drinking. I've pulled cactus out of his side/back/butt because he fell down in it. I've had to clip stitches because two appointments to get them taken out of the office was rejected when he turned up drunk.

I've had to pled for transportation and money for bare needs and when I received it, there was always an emotional consequence I had to pay. I took verbal beatings over how to raise our daughter over things like exposure to sex, violence and vulgarity. But I needed to make this work still, I knew I could try harder. I didn't/couldn't give up.

DUI/some changes
He was arrested for aggravated DUI. Served in a work release program for a few weeks, and was on a home monitored ankle bracelet after that with a breathalyzer in the car for a year. Also a huge court fine.

I feel grateful at that point and blessed that finally an officer didn't let him go and did his job. I'm extremely thankful no one was killed. And hoping this is finally the new leaf.

He gets divorced and we get married. Things are getting a bit better since he isn't allowed to drink but he is still constantly angry. He has successes at work, he is 3 years sober, finances in the bank, he is more involved with our daughter (7), though it's still not 100%. And I have a good home budget.

Present
Work is extremely stressful especially since he is now on dislplincary action, we will know in 30 days if he still has a job or not.

He is still sober but he is extremely angry all of the time. Nearly any conversation we have together, no matter the topic, he ends up in a fit of rage and screaming/slamming doors.

Christmas Day at my family's house is an example. He was angry all day, refused all advances of love, would ignore me/dismiss me when I'd try to talk to him or ask what he'd like on his meal plate. He was agitated and wanted to take our daughter across the valley to visit his adult children. Seeing how unbalanced he was during morning/afternoon and how he disregarded needs/safety of myself and our daughter, I attempted to convince him she could stay whilst he went. He lost it in front of everyone.. My siblings, my parents.. I finally put my foot down and said she isn't going but he could go and come back after his visit with his kids. He was so livid his face was bright red, I felt like his eyes were super black/absent (idk how to explain?) and he threw some stuff then slammed my parents door. He later told me he was going to divorce me because I disappointed his adult kids by not allowing our daughter to go.

I've watched him seem to be getting more intense, aggressive, unreasonable, and unsafe.

He got furious with me because I told him our daughter isn't suppose to ride front seat because of the air bag. She is under the weight and age requirements. He told me he has been a parent before and I need to stop telling him what to do as her parent. I just want her safe.

Recently this last week, a customer and him were walking towards each other and my husband "didn't want to move", waiting until the very last chance to move. He said this guy was bigger than him both ways and he didn't move out of my husbands way either. They knocked shoulders pretty hard and my husband continued walking without apologizing. The customer is upset and "rudely says excuse me" in which my husband said "excuse me back in the same rude way" and basically dismissed this guy. The customer ended up following him around the store, got up in his face and told my husband he was lucky he didn't spit on him for how rude he was. And what poor customer service.

He is already on probation for poor job performance and this customer said he was going to file a complaint because of my husbands behavior, he is a manager. My husband said he did nothing wrong and guys do this all the time to be the dominate one. That both men didn't move and this guy is much better than him so it's his fault (the customer's) and not his (the manager). And he would do it again if he had to.

Even when he was an alcoholic he could hold it together at work... I feel like he is slipping here because he would of never of done this to a customer previously.

I also found out that a girl he has been actively crushing on at work.. Things have progressed. He says he loves her but won't leave me. And when I've been building him up emotionally (totally gone full force cheerleader mode because he was so down, hurt to see him like that) because work is so intense... He has written long eloquent letters to her on exact phrases I've used... To help him. An affair I'm sure is coming up soon. She has no idea what he is really like.

At the end of the month we were suppose to travel to a different state and because he has been so emotionally hostile I'm afraid of going. I did set him up with a dr appointment to see if we can get some outside help, he was put on a mood stabilizer.

Basically now, he is on medication but we won't know until 3-6 weeks, he is prepping for an affair, his temper is really intense/scary, and this trip coming up.

I've never worked, I've never driven a car, my anxiety is so intense checking the mail (leaving my house) is crippling. I'll cry, shake, and sometime wet my pants because I lose control over my bladder because of the anxiety. I have full access to our finances, though we don't have much but that is not an issue.

I am tired and it's taken everything some days to help him with these struggles. I don't know if I can go through another hard bump with him and I'm terrified to do it on my own. I love him and when he is great he is amazing but it's not very often I get to see that person.

TL;DR My husband has a lot of struggles. I saw hope and relief finally after lots of trials. He has regressed, do I keep going?

It's like a competition to see how bad it can get.

chitoryu12 fucked around with this message at 22:46 on Feb 8, 2018

# ? Feb 8, 2018 22:38

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

I love when he outlined the characters "Your charming protagonist: an all around cool dude who fucks like the windhammer, and handsome to boot!"

# ? Feb 8, 2018 22:38

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

DeathSandwich posted:

I don't want this to get lost on the previous page. This guy is a total shithead and is using all the weasel words he can to downplay his role in all of this. I've got even odds that he's banging every woman in this story based on how he's talking about it.

this kid if only to save his boss the anxiety of his right hand man not understanding why you don't date coworkers.

Cool guy that's 19, considers himself upper management, and refers to himself in the third person :coolfish:

# ? Feb 8, 2018 22:38

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

DeathSandwich posted:

I don't want this to get lost on the previous page. This guy is a total shithead and is using all the weasel words he can to downplay his role in all of this. I've got even odds that he's banging every woman in this story based on how he's talking about it.

this kid if only to save his boss the anxiety of his right hand man not understanding why you don't date coworkers.

Considering that he's 19 and "upper management" at a store, I find it much more likely that he's banging nobody in this story and just won't stop being a creep and hitting on all the girls at work.

# ? Feb 8, 2018 22:38

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

BOOTY-ADE posted:

"You said holidays and birthdays don't matter after a couple days, so I returned your gift"

What an entitled, childish twat that woman is, goddamn. It's not the end of the world to celebrate a birthday a couple days later when it's convenient for both people.

Mm-hm; after hearing her plans with a family dinner on the day of he pushed back ALL his plans? Even if they pushed back a couples� thing, there was nothing stopping him from poo poo like flowers a massage or oral, which was the majority of his plan

# ? Feb 8, 2018 22:40

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

DeathSandwich posted:

I don't want this to get lost on the previous page. This guy is a total shithead and is using all the weasel words he can to downplay his role in all of this. I've got even odds that he's banging every woman in this story based on how he's talking about it.

this kid if only to save his boss the anxiety of his right hand man not understanding why you don't date coworkers.

Yea this guy is the most dingus of dinguses, he clearly wants to use the store as his personal harem but when he gets called out now he has to pretend to give a poo poo about what he is doing and he writes like a real dingus.

This is why you don't make a 19 year old a manager!

# ? Feb 8, 2018 22:43

Barudak: May 7, 2007

chitoryu12 posted:

Found while searching "leaf".

Do I [28F] keep trying with my tremulous husband [47M]?

It's like a competition to see how bad it can get.

You know how you have to put a horse with a broken leg down because it will never walk again? Thats this lady

# ? Feb 8, 2018 22:46

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Barudak posted:

You know how you have to put a horse with a broken leg down because it will never walk again? Thats this lady

I think this is more like a horse with all four legs amputated and missing teeth that constantly squirts blood and feces all over you, and you're still insisting that you can win the race.

Also "tremulous" would mean that her husband is nervous or shaky, and he seems to be anything but.

# ? Feb 8, 2018 22:50

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

dudeness posted:

This is why you don't make a 19 year old a manager!

It's one of those business where the owner exclusively hires young folk so he can underpay them. They always have these problems.

3rd in line at a store of six people lol. It's some small shop somewhere like and this kid is either the assistant manager or night manager.

# ? Feb 8, 2018 22:54

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

If that tremulous guy has custody of his kids wonder what his ex wife's deal is

# ? Feb 8, 2018 22:57

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

Al Borland Corp. posted:

If that tremulous guy has custody of his kids wonder what his ex wife's deal is

imo the persistent state of terror and complete lack on confidence in herself is probably holding her back a bit!

# ? Feb 8, 2018 22:59

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

LadyPictureShow posted:

*bzzzzzzzzt* The correct answer was:

People questioning if he considered giving her oral a �special birthday gift�.

The majority were slap-fighting between �wife is a whiny baby� vs �why couldn�t you have gotten her a card and flowers or some candy or some poo poo day of?�

yeah a massage and oral isn't really a birthday special, that's just tuesday.

# ? Feb 8, 2018 23:01

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

La Brea Carpet posted:

My [21F] sister [18F] won�t let us see her or her baby [1wk]

I get wanting time to yourself as a new single mom. Life's hard out there. But what kind of tasteless rear end in a top hat names their kid Waverly? :wtc:

# ? Feb 8, 2018 23:01

BOOTY-ADE: Aug 30, 2006; BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

LadyPictureShow posted:

Mm-hm; after hearing her plans with a family dinner on the day of he pushed back ALL his plans? Even if they pushed back a couples’ thing, there was nothing stopping him from poo poo like flowers a massage or oral, which was the majority of his plan

Hmmm, let's parse that story again and see what we find:

quote:

Yesterday was my wife's birthday. She knew well in advance that I couldn't get the day off of work even though she put in for the day off.

Well that's forgivable...but then:

quote:

I've asked her many times if she wanted anything and she said no, so I didn't have any gift ideas from her.

So there's one piece of missing info, aka "not communicating like a goddamn adult"

quote:

So a few days ago she said her mother texted her and asked if she wanted to go out for a birthday dinner on her birthday or over the weekend. She said she wanted to on her birthday, thankfully my idea can easily be moved to the weekend.

He's willing to move his plans to the weekend so she/they can go out to dinner with her mother, fair enough. Now here's the fun part you probably missed or just skimmed over:

quote:

I get home from work on her birthday and she isn't very talkative. She says she's been bored (we were getting internet installed and she doesn't have much phone data so she couldn't really go on the internet too much). I can still tell something is up and so I ask her what's on her mind and she says nothing. I asked if that was true and she said no. So when I asked what was wrong she told me this. (Loosely quoted) "What did you get me for my birthday?" I said it was time sensitive and I thought we were celebrating it over the weekend between her and I. She says "I figured you'd surprise me with something." I told her I'm sorry and after we had planned to see her family on her birthday that I would push my stuff until the weekend. She said "But today is my birthday so I should get my present today." I told her I can't tell her details without giving it away but I promised her she would get it the coming weekend. She said she's "the type of person that once a holiday or a birthday has passed that it doesn't matter anymore".

Real winner there in the adult maturity and communication department - he's willing to compromise, she won't budge, tells him the birthday won't matter by the weekend...and it's somehow HIS fault?

quote:

She barely spoke to me last night even after dinner and has been one wording me over text so far today.

Yeah, she can take her bullshit somewhere else honestly - the plans for oral/massage/flowers/etc. really has no bearing on the situation at all. She's being a petty bitch and sounds like a manipulator IMHO.

# ? Feb 8, 2018 23:01

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

This guy seems loving ruthless idk

My girlfriend (19F) of a year refuses to pay rent (24M) instead pays off her mom's debt

quote:

Girlfriend moved in with me 8 months ago. It started with a toothbrush and then clothes, you know how it works.

I was living ok. I make 50k a year and pay 1215 in rent. All bills combined I pay about 2,200 with car payments and phone and everything else. I suggested that she should start paying rent so that eventually we could look into buying a house, or just to have money in savings.

She was offended that I even asked. Saying that she's been buying groceries so she's already putting in her fair share.

She makes about 35k a year, and has no bills to pay. She often spends her whole check the day she gets it and random things like pictures and pillows and all new clothes.

Yesterday I found out her mom had a lot of debt. And my girlfriend has been giving her $1000 a month to pay it for her.

Her frivolous spending has made me feel like she's been a burden to me. I'm getting stressed about finances for months now.

I budget myself weekly to make sure I can save every dollar I can. But she just spends it with no worries about the value of a dollar.

I don't plan on breaking up with her. Shes a joyful person. But just financially I can't depend on her.

TL;DR girlfriend doesn't pay any rent, but pays her mom's extreme debt. Can't be financially dependable.

How is helping her mom repay debt frivolous? :confused:

other than she's not giving him the money, I suppose

# ? Feb 8, 2018 23:02

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Our final word of the day is "seminar". I know this one got posted before but I love it too much.

I [27/M] am dating a girl [28/F] with a really odd "quirk" and I'm not sure this is too big a red flag or just a case of nerves?

quote:

Here's the situation. This summer I landed an internship between Year 1 and Year 2 of my MBA program. At work, I met "Jules" [28/F] who works in an administrative & E/A role at the company. Nothing happened at work but she and I stayed in contact and after I left she initiated discussions of a date. We did and have been out 5 or 6 times. In general, things are really great - she's very sweet and thoughtful; she's funny and we share a lot of common interests as well as sharing a similar set of goals. We're well matched, but here's the thing: She often says the wrong loving thing, then panics, repeats it and then panics further, goes beet red and then buys me a gift.

I'm going to recreate two encounters that happened with ~48 hours of each other. They're the best of my recollection:

Me: I'm applying for work today. Busy with classwork, taking a full course load plus an extra two seminars.

Her: Oh, wow, really busy. Must be looking forward to being done!

Me: Yeah, and working rather than studying. Paying off these loans would be nice.

Her: I don't mind that I make more money than you. Not that you're lazy, you're not, but I make more money.. I... uh...

Her: Forget I said anything. It's that I have a job and you're unemployed.... I mean... ermmm.

Her: You're studying! You're going to have a great job but you need to find your groove, you know, being unemployed.

Her: Not that you're useless or anything....

Her: I need to go........

I get what she's saying, didn't take offense, but I am never sure what she is going, says something she thinks I'll take offense to and then panics and hyper-speed speaks until she has said so many odd/borderline offensive things that she just terminates the conversation. Here's another (and my fav)

Different Friend: Penis size is so overrated.

Me: Phew! Dodged a bullet there!

Her: Aww, don't be hard on yourself!

Me: Hard. That's what she sa......

Her: It's cute! It's just the right size for you. Not that it's small, it's just not...

Her: Let me phrase... you're really good at oral.

Her: I like your penis, too! It's not small, I promise. Show them....

Me: Umm, no.....

Her: Uhh, sorry.. gotta go.

I feel like every time we're together there's this potential for extreme awkwardness that just won't end. Sometimes we're together and it's fine, but others... we wind up with the weiner debacle. After the weiner debacle, she sent me a box of chocolates, bought me a lobster, then sent an e-card and an amazon gift card for $50. Then called to apologize for gifts, said she was very happy with "that aspect of our relationship" and I shouldn't feel like there's anything wrong/I don't measure up and that she'd understand if I didn't want to see her again.

This is honestly every conversation. I'm not sure if it's nerves or she's an awkward person or she genuinely holds odd beliefs about me and they keep seeping out of her mouth at the worst times. I feel like our relationship could be okay, or could be a horrible mess or that she doesn't have the heart to dump me and is making it so awkward that I ghost her/bail.

Everytime I take the direct approach, she swears up and down that it's just awkwardness and that it's "not you, it's me." Seriously? She's using lines from Costanza.

What is going on here? How can I handle this.

--- tl;dr Girl I'm seeing either dislikes me and doesn't want to let me down or is the most awkward person I have ever met before. I'm not sure which it is but I would be delighted to know/figure it out.

# ? Feb 8, 2018 23:05

Capri Sun Tzu: Oct 24, 2017; by Reene

Ham Sandwiches posted:

This guy seems loving ruthless idk

My girlfriend (19F) of a year refuses to pay rent (24M) instead pays off her mom's debt

How is helping her mom repay debt frivolous? other than she's not giving him the money, I suppose

50k with 2.2k a month in bills isn't going to give this guy much discretionary income or chance to build a savings, I can understand his frustration. If she's living there she should pay half the rent.

# ? Feb 8, 2018 23:05

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

Ham Sandwiches posted:

My girlfriend (19F) of a year refuses to pay rent (24M) instead pays off her mom's debt

She makes about 35k a year, and has no bills to pay. She often spends her whole check the day she gets it and random things like pictures and pillows and all new clothes.

Another relationship ruined by Star Citizen.

"See you in verse, bitch"

- GF

# ? Feb 8, 2018 23:09

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

Ham Sandwiches posted:

This guy seems loving ruthless idk

My girlfriend (19F) of a year refuses to pay rent (24M) instead pays off her mom's debt

How is helping her mom repay debt frivolous? other than she's not giving him the money, I suppose

She's on 35k and her only expenditure is 12k on mother's debt and buying some groceries (even all of them would be a fraction of rent). Leaving her with probably at least 50% of her income as disposable, which he is saying she spends on frivolous stuff. Paying off her mother's debt, depending on what her mother is like, is a nice thing to do, but she's essentially using him to subsidise that generosity. So really, he's paying for it.

He's an idiot for not getting her to agree to pay for at least a proportionate amount of rent to her income, but she's pretty horrible to get offended at the idea of her paying her fair share of rent and bills. Attitude of a spoiled teenager, which by the ages, she probably is.

# ? Feb 8, 2018 23:19

LGD: Sep 25, 2004

Capri Sun Tzu posted:

50k with 2.2k a month in bills isn't going to give this guy much discretionary income or chance to build a savings, I can understand his frustration. If she's living there she should pay half the rent.

Or even a proportional amount/taking over some of the bills- the point is that she's taking advantage of him to transfer what he's effectively giving her in terms of rent/utilities/etc. to her mother and have actual disposable/discretionary income for herself that he lacks. If they're handling finances separately paying for grocery is wholly inadequate for someone with a job, while if you think about things from the perspective of them being a combined financial unit she's clearly spending more than her share and hurting their financial position to help out a relative without talking with her partner.

They really do need to get on the same page about long term goals and how they plan to split finances, because this will (and should) almost certainly cause them to break up if its not addressed. However its really something they need to do themselves because there are a lot of relevant details that are missing- i.e. her previous financial situation prior to moving in with him (my wife had been living break-even for a couple years in her 20's so getting the opportunity to live rent-free for a few months did wonders for her in terms of being able to replenish her wardrobe/deal with deferred maintenance), her family's background and mom's level of debt (i.e. is she used to treating her income as entirely discretionary because she never paid her own way? is her mom's debt something resolvable or will she be an eternal sucking pit of financial need?). Either way, and regardless of how young she is, "lol no I'm not paying rent" isn't a tenable long term position.

e;fb a bit

LGD fucked around with this message at 23:31 on Feb 8, 2018

# ? Feb 8, 2018 23:28

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

If his penis gets to live in your vagina, you get to live in his house. Sorry whiners!

# ? Feb 8, 2018 23:30

HIJK: Nov 25, 2012; in the room where you sleep

Jeffrey of YOSPOS posted:

Only if they believe her or they have tapes. She hasn't exactly established credibility wrt complaints about him. I'm not sure what he's supposed to do - it's easy for me to conceive of the OP being merely a foolish busybody, since I heard her side of things, but it looks downright malevolent and targeted from his perspective. I don't know what I'd do in the circumstance but attempting to intimidate her into leaving is, at the very least, about as valid a play as "do nothing and hope management does the right thing". Figuring out a way to get the hostile, career-threatening coworker to leave is the right thing to do even if physical intimidation isn't the right tack.

It's all fun and games until he gets mad enough to shove her down the stairs

# ? Feb 8, 2018 23:54

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Ham Sandwiches posted:

This guy seems loving ruthless idk

My girlfriend (19F) of a year refuses to pay rent (24M) instead pays off her mom's debt

How is helping her mom repay debt frivolous? other than she's not giving him the money, I suppose

Maybe I've read too many Bad With Money stories over in BFC, but "19 year old putting a thousand dollars a month into her mom's extreme debt" screams "mom is awful with money and is using her kid(s) as a piggy bank" to me.

Although it'd also explain why she thinks it's okay to coast along not paying her fair share of the rent. She learned financial literacy from the best! :downs:

e: Found the thread, suspicions confirmed.

OP posted:

Her mom is one of those social security moochers. And was just told basically that social security is being taken away due to her spending habits and that her children are both over 18 now.

I'm pretty handy with excel. I think I'll make a spreadsheet of what our financials would look like if she contributed.

quote:

I do know that social security is helpful to families. I don't mean to shame then so I apologize for that. Not all receivers of government financial help are moochers. But I do know some that take advantage of it and don't report all their income. I don't think she's doing that but she doesn't spend her money on needs, just wants.

quote:

[�]Putssugaronsugar [score hidden] 2 hours ago

Her mother is probably also convincing her that you shouldn't be asking her for anything. She may also be influencing her to believe that you should be caring for her.

[�]chopedsuey[S] [score hidden] an hour ago

I completely agree. Her mom is one of those "if you're pretty enough men will pay for you" people

Haifisch fucked around with this message at 00:04 on Feb 9, 2018

# ? Feb 8, 2018 23:54

monkeytennis: Apr 26, 2007; Toilet Rascal

Pick posted:

Kill him

Fair.

# ? Feb 9, 2018 00:13

Ziv Zulander: Mar 24, 2017; ZZ for short

chitoryu12 posted:

Our final word of the day is "seminar". I know this one got posted before but I love it too much.

I [27/M] am dating a girl [28/F] with a really odd "quirk" and I'm not sure this is too big a red flag or just a case of nerves?

This is adorable. Whenever she starts going off like that, all the guy needs to do is give her a big hug and she'll be okay.

# ? Feb 9, 2018 00:23

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Girl [18/19? F] in my [18F] group project smells awful. Anything I can do?

quote:

OK so in one of my classes we have a group project we started last week. Last week the professor put everyone into groups. There are four other people I'm working with including this girl. Since we do things in lecture related to the project we all have to sit together as a group each period.

I'd already been familiar with this girl because she'd sat next to me once before and it was horrible. So since then I've purposely made sure I'm not near her. Now I'm stuck with her for a month. Her problem is still the same, in fact it may just be worse. I'm already really sensitive to smells.

Her issue is pretty specific. It's not (well I don't think) that she doesn't shower. Like her hair is always clean, her skin is clean and she physically looks fine. The problem is, from her crotch area. Each time I've seen her she's wearing a skirt and I don't know if this chick just doesn't wear underwear or what is going on but I know that's the smell of unwashed genitals. Sweat piss and fish all mixed together, imagine that if you don't know what I mean. Vile doesn't begin to describe it.

So last class, Friday was horribly embarrassing...I mentioned I'm sensitive to smells, and it got so bad I started feeling nauseous. I eventually just had to get away for a bit so I went to the bathroom. I thought I just needed air. But I still felt sick and soon threw up in the bathroom. I had to go back to class, and tell the TA I got sick. I had to leave class then. I didn't say what caused it.

Now I have no idea how I'm gonna get through the amount of time I have to spend with her, between class and outside work on the project. I have to sit with her tomorrow. I can't be running off to puke every class. It's absolutely disgusting, I guess I could ask to be switched to another group but the professor would probably need a reason. I could explain to him or the TA, but I'm worried that could make me look bad like I'm being dramatic or annoying. No one else pukes because of a smell.

But also I'm not even exaggerating this, I know the other people in my group smell it too. I've seen them pushing their chairs farther away from her and breathing through their hands in front of their face sometimes.

Would this be inappropriate to bring up to the professor? Would it be better maybe to talk to her face to face and say something polite but direct like, "hey I'm not sure if you realized but there's a really strong odor from between your legs and it can make it difficult for me to concentrate, could you wash more often?" Any other things I'm not thinking of?

TL;DR a girl in my class project has the grossest stench from her genital area. It's like something rotten and I ended up getting nauseous and throwing up last class. Would it be best to ask my professor to switch groups, or to bring it up to this girl privately and ask that she clean herself?

# ? Feb 9, 2018 01:55

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Haifisch posted:

Girl [18/19? F] in my [18F] group project smells awful. Anything I can do?

Another body-shaming bigot looking for validation of her vile prejudice. :sad:

# ? Feb 9, 2018 02:07

John Wick of Dogs: Mar 4, 2017; A real hellraiser

She needs to hook up with her, take a shower with her, and clean her cooter. It's the only way to be sure.

# ? Feb 9, 2018 02:10

Bored: Jul 26, 2007; Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

LadyPictureShow posted:

Unfortunately, when people said it�s so sad your mother�s not here for your birthday�, my lame joke of �Well, I mean, she technically is...� did not draw any laughs.

I don't think it's lame at all.

# ? Feb 9, 2018 02:15

nerd plus rage: May 12, 2014; It's a metaphor for something, probably

Al Borland Corp. posted:

She needs to hook up with her, take a shower with her, and clean her cooter. It's the only way to be sure.

A challenge only the chosen hero could undertake.

# ? Feb 9, 2018 02:17

Pvt.Scott: Feb 16, 2007; What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Al Borland Corp. posted:

She needs to hook up with her, take a shower with her, and clean her cooter. It's the only way to be sure.

The problem might actually be that the girl is cleaning her cooter.

# ? Feb 9, 2018 02:18

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Pvt.Scott posted:

The problem might actually be that the girl is cleaning her cooter.

So you think it's that duchebag she's always with?

# ? Feb 9, 2018 02:29

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

My [17/F] group project members [25-44M&F] are trying to sell me marijuana and won't take no for an answer.

quote:

I apologize in advance for the long post! You have been warned.

For a bit of background - I'm just about at the end of my first year of university. I'm that stereotypical "good girl" - no drinking, smoking, drugs of any kind, sex, etc. I have no problems with other people enjoying these things, but at this point in my life, I'm focused on my education and career and not particularly interested in any of that stuff.

In one of my classes, we've been doing a group project for the second half of the semester. All of my group project members are significantly older than me, and when I made the mistake of mentioning my age to them, they found it rather endearing. Ever since we started working together, they've been making jokes about how I'll start drinking/smoking marijuana eventually, that it's inevitable, and that it's silly I'm so innocent. My response to this has been to politely shut that down ("I'm not particularly interested in any of that stuff, can we talk about the project?" etc) and move on, and it honestly hasn't bothered me too much up until this point.

One of my group members, Carmen (an older woman in her 40s, maybe?) is very sweet but nosy, and a few weeks ago, I dropped my purse and my bottle of antidepressants fell out. She grabbed them and asked me why I had them, and I explained calmly that they were antidepressants and that I needed them, and took them back. She told me that I was young and "didn't need that stuff". I honestly didn't care that much and just changed the subject. (This becomes relevant, I promise)

The other day, the one member of our group who doesn't bug me about my "innocence" was out sick, and Carmen decided that was the time to really lay into me about it. Our other group project member, Miguel, got into it too. They were talking about getting together over the weekend to work on the project, and I offered the use of my flat, as it's close to the university. They immediately started saying that they were going to bring over beer and marijuana, and help me "grow up". I told them that it was fine if they wanted to drink and smoke, but they would not be allowed to smoke inside my flat, and I would not be partaking in any of the festivities.

They started hounding me about how I'm "too innocent" and "need to have some fun for once". I repeated that it was fine if they wanted to do that sort of thing, but I'm underage and also not interested. I've been able to change the subject in the past, but this time they wouldn't let up, and I couldn't get them to stop. One of my group members was telling me how I would "never make it through an engineering program if I didn't learn to lighten up" (I'm a MechE major), and the older, nosy woman turned to me and said "weed is way healthier for you than all that antidepressant crap you take, and it would work so much better, too". Someone from one of the other groups came over to ask a question, and when he heard what the discussion was about, he actively started trying to sell me marijuana.

I repeatedly told them to stop and that it wasn't funny, and got angry when they wouldn't let up. I put headphones on and turned on music and ignored them for the rest of the class, but they were still talking about it, and I could still hear them over the music. They were saying things about how I couldn't take a joke, and that it must be because I was so young and probably getting so much peer pressure from all sides. I don't think they get that they are the peer pressure - while I've been offered marijuana and alcohol in the past, my other friends have accepted my "no thanks" without question.

I'm honestly pretty upset about it at this point, and I'm not sure how to handle the situation. I have to keep working with them for a while longer, and it seems to be the only thing they bring up anymore. Telling them to stop does nothing.

What should I do, Reddit?

tl;dr: Group project members are pressuring me to drink and smoke marijuana, and nothing I say will make them stop.

# ? Feb 9, 2018 02:41

The_end: May 17, 2014

Haifisch posted:

Girl [18/19? F] in my [18F] group project smells awful. Anything I can do?

This girl is suffering Bacterial Vaginosis and should see the Gyno.

# ? Feb 9, 2018 02:46

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Haifisch posted:

My [17/F] group project members [25-44M&F] are trying to sell me marijuana and won't take no for an answer.

This has to be bullshit. Nobody pressures you to do drugs unless they are also trying to turn you ou-... Oh I see.

# ? Feb 9, 2018 02:47

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

UPDATE: My [17/F] group project members [25-44M&F] are trying to sell me marijuana and won't take no for an answer.

quote:

I just realized I hadn't come back to this one! Oops.

I brought the issue up to my professor after class one day, but I was nervous and glossed over the important parts, so she didn't really understand how bad things were. As the end of the semester was closing in, I thought that was it.... but it wasn't.

Our final project was a thirty page paper. As most of the work had to be done outside of class, we divided the assignment into chunks, one for each person, to make it less of a nightmare. My job was to take the pieces, including my own, and edit them into a final whole.

James, the only group member who hadn't been prodding me about drugs and alcohol, did his part and sent it to me immediately. I finished my part and started working on the editing, but the other members of the group were curiously silent. I sent polite, and then not so polite reminders that I needed their pieces to finish the project. I heard nothing back.

In the end, James and I pulled two consecutive all-nighters to finish the paper. Still no contact from the other group members. James and I went in the day of the deadline and presented our paper, absolutely fuming. It went as well as it could have, even with the other group members around (they were pretending like nothing had happened, of course). We stayed back after class and told the professor everything, in detail. She was horrified, and after examining the paper, failed them both on it.

James and I got a collective A+.

tl;dr: Professor is a badass. Group project members were deadbeats in more ways than one and failed the final project. I haven't heard from them since, and I like it that way.

Potheads were dickheads, sounds like.

# ? Feb 9, 2018 03:01

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 13, 2024 23:29

COMRADES: Apr 3, 2017; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

quote:

There were red flags looking back:

Lol

37 yr old hanging with high schoolers and buying them alcohol

Yeah, maybe some red flags.

E: that dude ruined her life basically she didn't even end up graduating high school

COMRADES fucked around with this message at 03:09 on Feb 9, 2018

# ? Feb 9, 2018 03:02

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

«‹›6020 »