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slouch posted:what do people mean when they say they "don't have time for a relationship" but do have time to casually hook up with with their close personal friend and roomate for six consecutive months? Don't have time for a relationship they'd have to leave the house for. Happens to us all.
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Feb 16, 2018 23:26
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quote:the father said he'd cut contact with the daughter if OP married her. That's called emotional abuse folks.
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Feb 16, 2018 23:26
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girl pants posted:They don't want to spend any more than the bare minimum of time it takes to ram their dick into a vagina without any of the extra stuff like meeting each others families and growing together and developing a connection with another human The crazy thing is he was doing that stuff anyway. He flew out to her father's funeral with her and poo poo. What the hell did he not have time for? he didn't have time for not loving her friend
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Feb 16, 2018 23:27
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I just don't have time for a relationship right now, I have long hours of playing videogames on my computer and loving my de facto girlfriend's friends to deal with
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Feb 16, 2018 23:28
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Oh yeah I meant in general when people say that, that's what they mean This guy is just an idiot / selfish / oblivious
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Feb 16, 2018 23:30
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girl pants posted:Oh yeah I meant in general when people say that, that's what they mean Hell, same
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Feb 16, 2018 23:30
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/r/relationships: I'm sticking with it until the heat death of the universe because I'm dumb as hell
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Feb 16, 2018 23:35
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Poly/3some/cheating posts are ones I avoid because it's usually just people justifying their lack of respect for their current relationship. Most people probably get turned on by the thought of banging someone else. Most people probably have had an opportunity to develop an emotional affair or physically cheat on their significant other. I'd like to think most people don't allow themselves to indulge in that type of behavior, though. If you prioritize and care about your relationship then you will think "how would this make my partner feel" before you do something that would sabotage it. It's really that simple, and it's the same reason you do poo poo for your partner sometimes and prioritize holidays. You have to actively put effort into a relationship if you want it to work, and if you think a relationship isn't worth putting effort into then you should end it. There are functional "involving other people in the bedroom or whatever" relationships. I have no doubt about that, but those relationships don't start from 'I'm a huge doormat' or 'I have no self control' or 'my partner will never find out' or 'I have no respect for my relationship or partner' or the ever-great 'I have a complete inability to tell that I am getting inappropriately close to and developing feelings for someone'. It doesn't start from 'I refuse to control myself or consider you so am going to just gently caress other people like I said I would', either. I like the metric of "could this person be in a relationship with themselves?" to judge whether someone is just with the wrong partner or an rear end. Anyhow, I personally like monogamy. That's my hot take. Blade Runner posted:This take makes no sense and uses information I could not possibly have, but I'm sticking with it until the heat death of the universe because I'm dumb as hell
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Feb 16, 2018 23:39
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Poly marriage story is really sad for everyone involved. I wouldn't be surprised if this dude manipulated or bullied her into agreeing to all this stuff as prerequisite to marriage. Why do people stay in lovely relationships? I don't know, but it's really easy to manipulate people. She managed to put it off for 5 years, probably hoping it would just never come up. Not everyone is confident enough to say no, many people, especially women, are conditioned not to and are told they're bad people for not at least trying to indulge thier partners kinks. Maybe she always knew she was really uncomfortable with the idea of a three-way or her husband being "poly" but thought she could just bear it for the sake of the marriage. Maybe due to a lack of experience or introspection she didn't know how she'd actually feel about it all until actually presented with the situation waking her up in the middle of the night. Maybe the husband honestly thought she was game for all this, or maybe he could absolutely detect her hesitance and discomfort with the topic but decided to rules-lawyer and manipulate into getting his way while ignoring all signs of her actual feelings on the subject. Either way, the two of them aren't compatible. Dude is a piece of poo poo, we're only hearing his side of the story of their relationship and it doesn't paint him well. Lady though either felt she couldn't say no, or only realized how emotionally devastating her husbands demands were when finally faced with it all. I actually have a sort of related anecdote. Two people got together, dude was fairly nice but was super into sex and had expectations set by porn more or less. She was a little "inexperienced" and was not the best at standing up for herself or communicating her actual feelings well because, like many women, she was socialized to always put other people's feelings and needs ahead of her own. Dude made it clear he expected anal sex, this made her uncomfortable because she'd never tried it and it seemed pointlessly painful and entirely unpleasant to her. She promised she would one day, but it was a promise made to placate someone. Months and months went by and there was always the pressure for anal. "everyone else I've dated has done it" "it's pretty much expected for women to do anal these days, you're lucky I'm willing to wait" were things she'd often hear. In his mind these were true, he saw himself as helping this poor girl get over her sexual inhibitions and she promised she'd do it one day. Why didn't she just say no? Why didn't she sit down and talk to him about her boundaries? Because, like many, she didn't have the confidence or self-respect to do so. Eventually they did it, she had a full on panic attack the first time. Dude didn't back off of course, she promised after all. So next time she got really drunk, maybe that'll help! It was another painful traumatic disaster. He ended up dumping her after this whole thing left her with depression and no sex drive. "We were just sexually incompatible, I wish she had communicated better". In his mind he didn't miss any signals, didn't feel like he pressured or manipulated her, she just promised something and didn't follow through. No long term happy ending either. Dude still seems to have a "thing" for shy meek people-pleasers and is entirely focused on reenacting porn scenes in real life, and she's had a couple more terrible relationships due to never developing the confidence or communication skills to actually express her own needs in relationships 
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Feb 16, 2018 23:41
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La Brea Carpet posted:Is it okay that I (24M) am upset that my GF’s (22F) gift was thoughtless? oh thats bad. this means she thinks oral is some special thing she'll dole out once or twice a year 
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Feb 16, 2018 23:43
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Blade Runner posted:This take makes no sense and uses information I could not possibly have, but I'm sticking with it until the heat death of the universe because I'm dumb as hell This. This should be the thread title.
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Feb 16, 2018 23:45
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La Brea Carpet posted:Is it okay that I (24M) am upset that my GF’s (22F) gift was thoughtless? Didn't we just a week ago make fun of a dude who considered oral sex a gift rather than "tuesday". I dunno how anyone could defend her.
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Feb 16, 2018 23:51
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ArbitraryC posted:Didn't we just a week ago make fun of a dude who considered oral sex a gift rather than "tuesday". I dunno how anyone could defend her.
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Feb 16, 2018 23:54
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Blade Runner posted:Never before have I seen a man this unhappy and whiny about getting his dick sucked I mean, if it's something you do semiweekly, it doesn't really seem like a special gift. If it's a twice yearly event... I don't really understand living with that kind of sex rationing. My birthday is this weekend, and on February 1st I asked my wife if she could please plan some kind of a thing this year. A meal, a gift, an activity, doesn't matter. 364 days a year I do all the planning and restaurant picking so just any kind of surprise would be good. Last year she spent the entire day trying to pick a restaurant and we both got sick from hunger, which is why I tried to give her some lead time. Yesterday she brought up how hard it is for her to do anything like this, because she has a lot on her plate(which she does), but that she "has some ideas." I asked if she wanted me to feel extra grateful or bad for asking anything of her in the first place. In retrospect, I know that she wasn't really trying to imply either of those, because she doesn't think like that(she's a good person). Tl;dr: Some people are bad at deciding, even if they're otherwise brilliant. PostScript: I will never have a threesome, but if I did it would consist almost entirely of things you can't do with only two people. I'm not sure what the point would be otherwise. Beachcomber fucked around with this message at 23:58 on Feb 16, 2018 |
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Feb 16, 2018 23:55
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Beachcomber posted:I mean, if it's something you do semiweekly, it doesn't really seem like a special gift. If it's a twice yearly event... I don't really understand living with that kind of sex rationing. Listen, no matter how valid of a point you have, the concept of a man being whiny about getting his dong slobbed on by his girlfriend is never gonna be unfunny to me Also the point is that you get to bang someone else without feeling guilty, and it is a very easy way to ruin your relationship when you're too much of a loving idiot to break up by yourself
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Feb 16, 2018 23:59
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Khorne posted:Even if a bj is everyday of the week it's still a good gift. Let's not forget about the thai food. I feel like in a healthy sexual relationship, oral sex isn't such a rarity that either party could consider it a present in lieu of something that took more effort, planning, or expense. It's just foreplay really.
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Feb 17, 2018 00:00
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Blade Runner posted:Listen, no matter how valid of a point you have, the concept of a man being whiny about getting his dong slobbed on by his girlfriend is never gonna be unfunny to me This just seems weird and oddly sexist to me tbh, we literally had a post 1 or 2 weeks ago where some guy thought a massage and going down on his wife for her birthday was a special gift and people made fun of him for it. It goes both ways.
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Feb 17, 2018 00:03
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I get my wife a thing of cream every week, still made her do a little dance and tell me it was the "cutest valentines day cream" she ever had. It's not the actual gift that matters in most cases, it's the thought, the emotions behind it. She could feel the love behind the way I was presenting her with this absolutely normal carton of cream and that's all that mattered. But so much of that depends on the relationship dynamics as a whole and the personalities involved. If you're a couple that traditionally goes "all out" on gifts for valentines day and one year the other person seemingly doesn't make any effort while you did, yeah that could feel bad.
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Feb 17, 2018 00:03
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ArbitraryC posted:I feel like in a healthy sexual relationship, oral sex isn't such a rarity that either party could consider it a present in lieu of something that took more effort, planning, or expense. It's just foreplay really. She's only 22 though, most people are still figuring out their sexual repertoire at that age. If she's not experienced at giving oral or doesn't enjoy it, doing it for him might have been a big deal for her.
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Feb 17, 2018 00:04
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La Brea Carpet posted:Is it okay that I (24M) am upset that my GF’s (22F) gift was thoughtless? quote:Turns out some of you were right, she had plans to make red wine hot chocolate and get me a little gift but decided to ask her friends what to get me, to which they advised she was doing the most all I would want or need was a bj. loving lmao, our culture is such garbage.
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Feb 17, 2018 00:05
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ArbitraryC posted:This just seems weird and oddly sexist to me tbh, we literally had a post 1 or 2 weeks ago where some guy thought a massage and going down on his wife for her birthday was a special gift and people made fun of him for it. It goes both ways. A woman complaining about getting consensually eaten out by her boyfriend would also be funny to me
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Feb 17, 2018 00:07
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you can't gently caress your way out of demonstrating forethought and care for your partner forever. a few years at the most.
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Feb 17, 2018 00:07
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Admiral Ray posted:loving lmao, our culture is such garbage. That is funny and sad.
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Feb 17, 2018 00:10
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LOVE LOVE SKELETON posted:you can't gently caress your way out of demonstrating forethought and care for your partner forever. a few years at the most. You just have to get progressively better at sucking dick until one or both of you die of old age
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Feb 17, 2018 00:10
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Blade Runner posted:A woman complaining about getting consensually eaten out by her boyfriend would also be funny to me I dunno really how to continue this conversation without sounding like some sort of sex perv but all it takes me to get a bj is the suggestion and common reciprocation. If I was dating someone who thought hobbing my nob was such a treat that it was it was reserved for and should be considered a special occasion I do not think I'd consider them compatible for a long term relationship. It's just tuesday.
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Feb 17, 2018 00:13
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ArbitraryC posted:I dunno really how to continue this conversation without sounding like some sort of sex perv but all it takes me to get a bj is the suggestion and common reciprocation. If I was dating someone who thought hobbing my nob was such a treat that it was it was reserved for and should be considered a special occasion I do not think I'd consider them compatible for a long term relationship. No 22 year old is compatible for a long term relationship. I really don't think it's fair to compare the sex lives of a bunch of people in their mid-30s to that of some college kids still learning how Tab A and Slot B fit together.
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Feb 17, 2018 00:15
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I think a BJ is kind of a lovely 'gift' tbh. Who doesn't just have a fun time hooking up on Valentine's Day? Why is that a 'present?' Commodification of sex imo.
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Feb 17, 2018 00:17
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She should have just done both things.
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Feb 17, 2018 00:18
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COMRADES posted:I think a BJ is kind of a lovely 'gift' tbh. Who doesn't just have a fun time hooking up on Valentine's Day? Why is that a 'present?' yeah right, like the sex should happen after a day of them both doing nice things for each other. If for vday you plan out an elaborate romantic endeavor and all your partner offers you is something you could get from a one night stand, there's a problem.
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Feb 17, 2018 00:19
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[22 F] my Mom [47 F] treats my boyfriend [26 M] like her boyfriend and takes advantage of his kindness.quote:Hi, I'm new to this sub and I think it might help me to talk about something thats been putting me off lately.
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Feb 17, 2018 00:31
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Haifisch posted:[22 F] my Mom [47 F] treats my boyfriend [26 M] like her boyfriend and takes advantage of his kindness. Graduate reboot looking good
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Feb 17, 2018 00:37
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Doggles posted:My (25/m) girlfriend (25/f) says she wants to sleep with other girls Man, I gotta say "We shouldn't have threesomes because your worthless barely virgin cock might cum too quickly" is maybe the most creative excuse for cheating I've ever seen. Girl's got huge balls. 
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Feb 17, 2018 00:39
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Haifisch posted:[22 F] my Mom [47 F] treats my boyfriend [26 M] like her boyfriend and takes advantage of his kindness. Matroyshka 3-some 2: The Legend of Curly’s Girth
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Feb 17, 2018 00:43
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Doggles posted:My (25/M) roommate/fwb (24/F) has been acting weird to me after I took one of her friends out on valentine's day and slept with her? Have I done something wrong? Oh man. How oblivious can one man be? I totally understand having a very casual relationship with your FWB and not wanting to commit. Sure. But don't gently caress her friends. Just don't do it. Are you that dumb, dude? 
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Feb 17, 2018 00:51
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A young man who is willing to acknowledge he has emotions other than "horny" and "rage" is a treasure and must be protected
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Feb 17, 2018 00:57
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Cough Drop The Beat posted:Oh man. How oblivious can one man be? I totally understand having a very casual relationship with your FWB and not wanting to commit. Sure. But don't gently caress her friends. Just don't do it. Are you that dumb, dude? to be sort of fair the dude in this case openly turned down a relationship with her. It's not really that much different from the roommate boned the girl I was into stories.
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Feb 17, 2018 01:04
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It's still a bit rude slash insensitive and I dunno why he has to go after her friends. Nor do I get what he thinks is gonna happen when he fucks her friend in the apartment then is wanting sex from her a day later too.
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Feb 17, 2018 01:07
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Doggles posted:My (25/M) roommate/fwb (24/F) has been acting weird to me after I took one of her friends out on valentine's day and slept with her? Have I done something wrong? quote:To top it off her father passed away (I attended the funeral with her) quote:we aren't dating all we do is have sex and hang out Hahahahahahaha
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Feb 17, 2018 01:12
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COMRADES posted:It's still a bit rude slash insensitive and I dunno why he has to go after her friends. yeah I mean that seems a bit daft but just like we've seen countless stories of some dude pining for a girl, she's not really that into him while wanting to stay friends, ends up romantically interested in his attractive and sociable friend, and we all just sort of have a guffaw about it rather than calling her a lovely person. Dude was upfront about his intent as you can get, she was hoping he would suddenly change his mind and be more invested in her, he wasn't.
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Feb 17, 2018 01:12
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ArbitraryC posted:yeah I mean that seems a bit daft but just like we've seen countless stories of some dude pining for a girl, she's not really that into him while wanting to stay friends, ends up romantically interested in his attractive and sociable friend, and we all just sort of have a guffaw about it rather than calling her a lovely person. Yeah I don't really remember any instance where said people were living together and boning and going to serious family events like parents' funerals either though. I'm not saying he's a lovely person or anything, I'm simply lolling at his inability to determine what is wrong. Even if she didn't want a more serious relationship it still seems scuzzy to go after her friends and bone them in the apartment with her there and I would have at least given her a heads up idk. Like yeah okay she maybe should have been a bit more upfront but he's also being a bit thick no? e: Cough Drop The Beat posted:Oh man. How oblivious can one man be? I totally understand having a very casual relationship with your FWB and not wanting to commit. Sure. But don't gently caress her friends. Just don't do it. Are you that dumb, dude? Plus this yeah like idk people just aren't rational all the time and even though she shouldn't maybe be upset wow if you couldn't tell she would be from 10 miles away guy. COMRADES fucked around with this message at 01:27 on Feb 17, 2018 |
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Feb 17, 2018 01:18
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