Ham Sandwiches posted:

I have, and I think moralizing by proxy and setting up rigid rules about what relationships are ok is something I don't agree with

I feel part of the freedom of being an adult is the freedom to make mistakes, and the way people react to mismatched age relationships really seems completely out of line with what's happening in those relationships.

girl pants posted:

She's feeding a baby not taking a poo poo you ninny

Leon Einstein posted:

Yes, I agree it is unethical for sure; I'm just saying that it isn't in the same ballpark as a youth pastor actually banging a 14 year old. The 19 year old is legally able to choose to have the relationship, no matter how unethical he is. It is also unethical to be banging a married guy.

Dienes posted:

Baby is five days old. Babies need to eat! If you can't get over yourself enough to tolerate a baby being fed in your presence, then don't invite yourself over to a house with a baby less than one week old.

girl pants posted:

They have also have breastfeeding rooms just about everywhere I've ever worked (often euphemistically named "wellness rooms")

rear end cobra posted:

who the gently caress cares if somebody breastfeeds, seriously

sleepwalkers posted:

The entire crux of that relationship was that he was her youth pastor and in a position of authority over her, which is gross as hell.

The likelihood that I'm going to stumble across a 30-something dude and a 19-year-old woman who are genuinely suited for each other is... rare, let's say. Rare enough to the point that I'm comfortable making a blanket judgment. I'd expect people of those respective ages to be in massively different stages of their lives, which is enough to make me question motives.

Three Olives posted:

I would expect to have attended many more baby funerals for considering how many women that I know that have had babies and yet I have never seen breast feed.

quote:

My mother died just before Christmas. She was hit by a car so obviously it was totally unexpected and we're all still in a daze, at least I am. My father even more so, it's like he shut off when he heard the news and hasn't figured out how to power back up again yet.

Shortly after the funeral, my boyfriend offered something amazing. My mother was always a huge fan of the arts, and as my boyfriend is a potter, she's always been incredibly intrigued by his work. He even treated her to a studio session once and she went on about it for weeks.

Anyways, his offer was to create an urn for my father, something really striking and original and my mom. I thought it was incredible and when we asked my dad he just burst into tears and started hugging us, he seemed so truly touched, it was an incredibly intense moment for us all.

I know that art takes time, but usually, my boyfriend is a very quick worker. We didn't get her ashes back until about 6 weeks ago, and my boyfriend asked if he could hold onto them so he could make the urn the proper size and everything.

A few weeks go by and I asked if he had any updates or if I perhaps could see his progress. He got pretty defensive and I dropped the subject. Sometimes he can be testy about his work, so this wasn't really out of the ordinary if that makes sense.

Over the following few weeks I'd drop hints here and there and mention it in passing, but he'd always manage to drop the subject and I'd get no new info. Finally, a few days ago, I got pretty serious about it, since my dad had recently asked about it, and demanded to know at least an estimate of when it'd be completed.

The look on his face said it all. My heart dropped to my stomach before he even spoke a word.

I love my boyfriend but drat is he mindless sometimes. He says he misplaced the ashes but that they had to be somewhere in his studio, so they weren't lost. He was adamant that they were in the studio somewhere, as he's the only one really that goes in and out and he would remember actually taking them out of the studio.

For the past 2 days we have torn the room apart. We've completely emptied it and put everything back in, we've emptied boxes, storage containers, wastebins, every-freaking-thing. It's not in there. The ashes were in a pretty inconspicuous brown box, which I believe would have been easy for him to confuse as something else and either take out of the studio at some point or throw away.

He still insists that the ashes aren't lost and that they're somewhere in his studio. It's making my head hurt. Like, yesterday morning we had his studio absolutely empty, it's just not in there. I don't know what happened to them, and at this point it doesn't really matter, but I can accept that they're gone. At which point, it's time to tell my father.

But my bf refuses, insisting that they are not lost they're just misplaced, and telling him that they're gone for good would be unneccessarily cruel. I kind of agree and here we are. If my dad asks again, I don't think I can lie to him, but what if bf is right? What if I tell him that we lost the only remnants of his wife, only to be wrong? Why should I put him through that if we're not sure?

But on the other hand, it's already been longer than I implied it'd be, so he's got to be growing concerned. Would he hate that I lied to him when he eventually does find out?

My head is a mess, please help me. What do I do?

tl;dr: Boyfriend was going to make an urn for my mother's ashes but misplaced them. What do we do now?

Three Olives posted:

I've seen Roman art too but that doesn't mean I order pizza and then answer the door in a blanket when the pizza comes early and apologize about being in the middle of banging my partner but I'm about to come does he want to wait outside or come in while I finish up.

Three Olives posted:

Oh look we solved this problem like decades ago!

tactlessbastard posted:

What possible good reason could a woman have to sit on her friend's husband's lap, and what on earth was he doing allowing her to do so.

Galaxy Brain posted:

That's a very recent and very regional trend. Also nursing mothers don't spend 100% of their time at work. Sometimes they're inside their own homes, like this woman was.

girl pants posted:

My point is that perhaps many people have never seen a woman breastfeed in public because women are hiding away, almost as though they have been made to feel that using their boobs for their main purpose is somehow shameful

Doggles posted:

My [27 F] boyfriend [31 M] for 5 years accidentally threw away my mother's ashes.

Three Olives posted:

Oh look we solved this problem like decades ago!

Pick posted:

girl pants posted:

My point is that perhaps many people have never seen a woman breastfeed in public because women are hiding away, almost as though they have been made to feel that using their boobs for their main purpose is somehow shameful

girl pants posted:

I know this is a shocking and difficult-to-process concept. Perhaps you should take a moment in the "wellness" room.

quote:

Including me.

He says that women with short hair (my hair is like a long pixie, it’s been growing out and it’s now chin length) can’t be attractive and how could I do that to my hair. I told him I was cutting it back in December and he pretty much dismissed it. When I first cut it he wouldn’t touch me for a week, and only had sex with the lights off for a while after.

The issue is everyone else seems to LOVE it. My friends, family, coworkers, even his (male) friends. One of them even hit on me which had never happened before. I also get flirted with much more often when I go out now. Even at the drive thru it happens to me now. So....I can’t tell if, we’ll, maybe he’s upset that people are taking notice to me now? Like he’s jealous? That or he genuinely just hates the look.

I don’t know what to do because 1. It has to grow out and that takes time (I am planning on going for an asymmetrical bob once it gets long enough) and 2. I like it. Obviously he is allowed to his preferences but it’s so goddamned childish to call me a lesbian (yes, he went there. Said it’s embarrassing that I look like a ‘lezzie’) and say I’m not pretty anymore because no girls can be pretty with short hair. I mean, I’m still the same person. Shouldn’t he be able to see past short hair? It’s not like I shaved it all off bald. I told him if he wanted i’d totally wear wigs. He says it’s too weird. I say that’s really all I can do until it does grow out and he got really mad and said whatever before walking off. I don’t know what to do. He is 100% unattracted to me now.

TL;DR boyfriend hates my short hair and we’re at an impass about it.

Ham Sandwiches posted:

As to your second point, that's a good summation of the general sentiment I see about the topic. I don't quite understand why it's folks responsibility to question other people's relationships if there's an age gap, perhaps people can just do whatever works for them if it makes them happy and they're adults.

Ham Sandwiches posted:

Yeah it's 2018 and the war on moms is 100% in full swing, sad to see

Three Olives posted:

Oh look we solved this problem like decades ago!

Galaxy Brain posted:

Hey Walking Stereotype, pumping has to be done every couple of hours, and if you're this much of a lil bitch about breastfeeding I doubt you're going to endure it any better with plumbing involved.

girl pants posted:

My point is that perhaps many people have never seen a woman breastfeed in public because women are hiding away, almost as though they have been made to feel that using their boobs for their main purpose is somehow shameful

Pick posted:

If it’s one of the Victorian-style ladies resting rooms I am so there

Yawgmoth posted:

how are you such an incredible prude and such a filthy trollop at the same time

Me (21F) and Him (53M) posted:

I cant possibly be the only young woman who has been in a situation like this, if there's anyone who can relate at all I'd very much welcome your thoughts or shared experiences.. First time posting because I have no one to turn to about this... Thanks <3 This could be a very long story but here I tried making a bare bones version:

At 16 I moved away to start a new school, moved in with a family. Dad "X"(48) and his teenage kids, including "A"(F/18). A and X and all the rest have a fantastic relationship. "A" used to joke about how her dad apparently talked about having a crush on me sometime.

Then one day (when 17) he initiated by picking me up and kissing me on night, I was taken completely by surprise at first but then things escalated from there. For a few months, X and I would have occasional sleepovers, kissing, touching etc but not sex. (age o consent here is 18) I never felt forced or anything like that.

By then I was already accustomed to getting far more than my fair share of male attention (the good and the bad and sometimes from other, much older men so its not like he was the first one to try...) it was exhilerating to get that kind of attention from someone who I actually cared for.

Now Im 21 and have just come back to the area after uni. Have had no contact with X since I left but tons of contact with his daughter, A. We have become very close friends. Now that I am back I am seeing a lot of this whole family who I had grown to love very much, I mostly stay with them when Im in town, but now I have a ton of anxiety when I am with them. I pretty much decided to tell A what happened between me and her father but before I had the chance, X asked if we could speak privately -for the first time since I left. I said sure, welcoming the chance to clear the air. Then I was actually surprised again... when he picked me up and kissed me again... and spoke of how much he had fantasized about me over the years etc. and wanted to continue our relationship from where it left off. I wasnt at all prepared to hear that.

I have a pretty good grasp on what this is and what it isnt. I have no interest in skipping off into the sunset with this man, however now I am having difficulty controling certain fantasies, mostly because our relationship remained unconsumated when I left. however right now I do *not intend on acting on it* I told X that I couldnt handle having a secret relationship, which he accepted, but then suggested that in the future it might not have to be so secret. I left.

I imagine that you readers might percieve me as some kind of victim, if I was reading this then thats exactly what I might think too. But Im in this and I dont feel in any way like one (by him, in any case), even if perhaps, conventionally, I should. I dont understand why I feel so ok about all this when its clearly such a hosed up situation. I'm sure you'll cringe when I say that I really dont want to hurt his feelings....What is wrong with me?

The stress is really getting to me though. Since last speaking with X its all I can think about and I feel terrible with regards to my deception in keeping the whole thing from A.

Previously I figured it would be best just to let it all go and leave everything in the past, mostly to protect their relationship with each other.. but that doesnt feel like such a stellar option anymore. If I abruptly stop spending time over there it will raise a lot of questions within their family and also our immediate social circle. Now I want to take some personal responsibility for the situation and tell A and then accept whatever her decisions are regarding my place with her/family. It feels like lying by omission if I dont do that. Even if she knows some things I dont think she knows the full extent.. this is very painful for me right now knowing that there is a likely chance I'll lose one of the best friend's I've ever had.

How the hell can I open this conversation with A?

tl;dr: Is it possible to keep a friend despite previous relationship with her dad....

Yawgmoth posted:

how are you such an incredible prude and such a filthy trollop at the same time

Three Olives posted:

"Come in, the door is unlocked! Sorry, I'm taking a poo poo but feel free to make yourself comfortable until I get out of the bathroom!"