/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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VanSandman: Feb 16, 2011; SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

3O got one look at his mom�s sad tits and thought �I never wanna see any of those again.�

# ? Feb 21, 2018 01:30

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# ? May 14, 2024 13:53

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

I'm a gay and I have no idea how female biology works. Is it true that if I karate chop a woman right at the base of the back of her neck while she is breastfeeding more boob juice will shoot out? You know like tapping a glass ketchup bottle.

# ? Feb 21, 2018 01:33

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

VanSandman posted:

3O got one look at his mom�s sad tits and thought �I never wanna see any of those again.�

Oh now you've made it sad by reminding me that 3O is someone's child :smith:

# ? Feb 21, 2018 01:33

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

My wife's [26F] grandfather gave us his heirloom baby grand piano as a wedding gift. I was incredibly honored to receive it, but now it's a burden. What should I do? Non-Romantic (self.relationships)

quote:

My wife's grandfather (we'll call him J) was a judge/lawyer by trade, but was also a semi-professional composer. He had a piano dated to the year 1890 that was his most precious possession. It has this huge crazy backstory of the famous people it has changed hands from until he picked it up in an auction (No way to confirm this, but it's a fun family story). He spent a bunch of money 40 years ago tracking down the original manufacturers and having the piano totally rebuilt.

J, for whatever reason, REALLY likes me. Whenever I visit he's always showing me his instruments and what he's working on that day. I'm a hobby pianist (but I'm not very good) and I've played for him a few times.

For our wedding he surprised us by asking if we'd like to have his piano. He was moving to his vacation home full-time and just didn't have room for it, but wanted to make sure it would be taken by someone who would treasure it the way he did.

I unfortunately got a TON of shade from 2 of my wife's uncles (J's sons) who did not appreciate that they weren't getting the piano. Which I understand - I'm only barely family. They would have loud whispers that they would make sure I overheard, like "Wow, HE's getting the piano?". One of them approached me and said "If you decide you don't want to take the piano, just let me know. It really should be back in the family."

I was super honored to have him ask me to take the piano. My wife and I said yes. I had it moved in to our place (rental home) and set up a very generous tuning schedule - I'm having it tuned every 5 months.

The thing is, the piano is getting worse and worse faster and faster. It won't hold a tune for more than 2 weeks now, so it's unplayable 95% of the time. The hammers get stuck and the keys are misaligned. The tuner informed me that the "rebuilding" that J had done all those years ago was actually very poor quality, and now the piano is suffering for it. He also assessed it and said that having the piano rebuilt would be twice the cost of a new GOOD piano, and this was never a GOOD piano in the first place.

Now of course the value in this piano is the sentiment and the heirloom status, but it's quickly looking like I'm going to be stuck with a sentimental piece of junk for the rest of my life. I was kind of fine with that until I found out that my wife and I might have to move into a much smaller place to make ends meet before we're ready to buy a house a few years down the road. A place that wouldn't have room for a piano at all.

So what do I do?

Put it in storage for now and just keep it forever? Let one of the uncles know they can have it if they want it? That risks offending J, and also looks kind of bad since as far as everyone knows it was in good condition before I took it, and now it's unplayable. Go into debt paying to have it rebuilt? Ask J if he wants to pay to rebuild it again? That would be pretty rude I think, since it was a gift.

tl;dr: Grandfather-in-law gave us his most prized possession. turns out this heirloom piano is junk, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do with it - especially since I won't have room for it soon.

Gifts are acts of aggression. Go find J and punch him in the mouth for threatening you with his hosed up piano.

# ? Feb 21, 2018 01:34

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

3O have you ever been around a person that uses a pump? I shared an office with a lady who had a recent newborn and man she was pumping like constantly, and the sound was p noisy, I'd have almost rather have had the baby there. Like it wasn't a big deal either way but it's not like you can just milk em in the morning and be done with it, they're not a cow, it's on basically the same schedule an infant would be.

# ? Feb 21, 2018 01:34

Ziv Zulander: Mar 24, 2017; ZZ for short

cumshitter posted:

I'm a gay and I have no idea how female biology works. Is it true that if I karate chop a woman right at the base of the back of her neck while she is breastfeeding more boob juice will shoot out? You know like tapping a glass ketchup bottle.

Yes. Also, it squirts out when they cum, just like you see in japanese animes. It's a science fact and you shouldn't let anyone tell you otherwise.

# ? Feb 21, 2018 01:34

Alien Sex Manual: Dec 14, 2010; is not a sandwich

Currently breastfeeding my infant secure in the knowledge that I never have to worry about interacting with 3O in person. :sparkles:

# ? Feb 21, 2018 01:36

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Admiral Ray posted:

My wife's [26F] grandfather gave us his heirloom baby grand piano as a wedding gift. I was incredibly honored to receive it, but now it's a burden. What should I do? Non-Romantic (self.relationships)

Gifts are acts of aggression. Go find J and punch him in the mouth for threatening you with his hosed up piano.

tune it and give it to one of the relatives that wanted it? Sounds like a super simple solution to me.

# ? Feb 21, 2018 01:36

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

ArbitraryC posted:

tune it and give it to one of the relatives that wanted it? Sounds like a super simple solution to me.

He says it won't hold a tune for more than 2 weeks. The piano is garbage and should be dumped on someone else, though.

# ? Feb 21, 2018 01:37

13Pandora13: Nov 5, 2008; I've got tiiits that swingle dangle dingle

I like that the last two derails have centered around a r/ post about what women should and shouldn't be allowed to do with their bodies/shame they should feel relative to their bodies.

Interesting that the men involved in their respective stories held that aggressively soliciting licking pussy in public seemed to be okay, but using breasts for their biological purpose is a big loving deal.

# ? Feb 21, 2018 01:39

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Admiral Ray posted:

He says it won't hold a tune for more than 2 weeks. The piano is garbage and should be dumped on someone else, though.

2 weeks sounds like long enough to pass off the hot potato to me.

sounds like they didn't play piano anyways so who knows maybe they'll never know. When I started learning piano in college I had practiced for a year or two on my electric before trying out my mom's upright and noticing how horrifically out of tune it was. She still has it to this day, she just never plays it.

# ? Feb 21, 2018 01:39

wizardofloneliness: Dec 30, 2008

The dude in the breastfeeding story didn�t even see anything since the woman said she only opened the door a crack. He was just disgusted by the very concept of breastfeeding, not specifically seeing someone breastfeed.

# ? Feb 21, 2018 01:45

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

I was really expecting something more scandalous from the breastfeeding story given 3O's silly naivete but nope, not one milk based tit cannon anywhere.

# ? Feb 21, 2018 02:02

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

I live in a cold city and my roommate (21/F) keeps getting me and my cat sick by turning down the heat in my room while I sleep to save money while also keeping her room toasty warm

quote:

This is the dumbest issue of all time but it's getting to me. I live with Lawrence (21F) and Genevieve (20F). We all met on a 'looking for roommate' page on Facebook 6 months ago and things have gone well.

I live in a cold part of America. It's winter and things often get to around 15 degrees fahrenheit, so electricity goes up to compensate for heat. We have 2 floors - 1 floor with the kitchen, bathroom, living room and 2 bedrooms and another with a common area and a bedroom (mine). Each floor has it's own heating system.

The other day I woke up with a cold. I usually keep my heat at 62, but I looked and it was at 50 for some reason. I was a little weirded out but whatever. I went downstairs to pee and saw the heat for that floor was 65. Came back upstairs, changed the heat, went back to bed.

Woke up feeling even worse. Checked the heat: 50 again. What the hell. Changed it to 60, went to work, came back and it was 50 again. Changed it, went to bed, woke up and guess what: 50 again, and I'm feeling worse. Two nights in a row of my thermostat weirdly changing.

I talked to Genevieve and she insisted it wasn't her. I'm close to Genevieve so I believe her entirely.

A couple days ago we got our electricity bill. It wasn't crazy but it WAS 20 dollars per person more than usual. This made Lawrence a little wary. Lawrence is a nice girl but just about everyone would describe her as a 'buzzkill'. She's not really into much other than school - doesn't listen to music, drink, have any hobbies, etc. Like I said, she's nice though and pays her rent so who cares.

Lawrence's schedule very rarely matches with mine so I sent her a polite text asking if she was changing my thermostat, and if so to stop. No response. I caught her when she was at home and knocked on her door for a while and asked her to come out but she didn't answer. I went to bed at 62 degrees. Woke up this morning: 50 degrees on my floor, 65 on hers. Sent another text. Nothing.

I don't know what to do now. The thermostat for the upstairs (my room included) is in the common area so she doesn't have to come into my room or anything. I guess I could bundle up, but what really gets me is that I have a cat that I adopted from a hoarding situation who has been diagnosed with a lifelong illness that's equivalent to a permanent upper respiratory infection, meaning her nose is constantly stuffed and she has trouble breathing at all times. Whenever it's cold her nose gets worse and I can see her struggling to breath, so I put her in the bathroom with a hot shower running to have the steam clear her sinuses. The thing is, she's very anxious because of her past and this makes her very uncomfortable and I don't want to do that to her. I love that cat and she doesn't deserve to be scared on a daily basis because my roommate wants to save a couple bucks.

I told Lawrence that and she still hasn't responded. Of course this pisses me off because it's super rude, but I'm really worried for my cat's health. Is there anything I can do?

TL;DR - roommate keeps changing the heat on my floor to be 15 degrees colder than the heat on hers, and now my cat and I are both sick. The thermostat for my floor is in a common area so she has easy access to it while I'm sleeping.

the roommate, or at least lock up the thermostat before their dumbassery makes the pipes burst.

# ? Feb 21, 2018 02:03

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

50 is like the perfect temp to sleep in, lol if you put your thermostat higher than the minimum to keep your pipes from exploding.

# ? Feb 21, 2018 02:07

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

Haifisch posted:

I live in a cold city and my roommate (21/F) keeps getting me and my cat sick by turning down the heat in my room while I sleep to save money while also keeping her room toasty warm

the roommate, or at least lock up the thermostat before their dumbassery makes the pipes burst.

quote:

She's not really into much other than school - doesn't listen to music, drink, have any hobbies, etc. Like I said, she's nice though and pays her rent so who cares.

You've brought this on yourself by allowing a serial killer to rent with you. You can't trust someone if you don't know their vices.

# ? Feb 21, 2018 02:09

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

"Oh this person doesn't listen to music or talk to others or drink or smoke, let's let them live here," said the murder victim.

# ? Feb 21, 2018 02:10

Brother Entropy: Dec 27, 2009

Admiral Ray posted:

I was really expecting something more scandalous from the breastfeeding story given 3O's silly naivete but nope, not one milk based tit cannon anywhere.

you could easily find some manga that will address the milk tit cannon shaped hole in your life

# ? Feb 21, 2018 02:12

girl pants: Sep 21, 2006; I feel a great disturbance in my pants

Admiral Ray posted:

"Oh this person doesn't listen to music or talk to others or drink or smoke, let's let them live here," said the murder victim.

you're going to start a horrible derail about drinking if you're not careful

# ? Feb 21, 2018 02:22

HIJK: Nov 25, 2012; in the room where you sleep

13Pandora13 posted:

I like that the last two derails have centered around a r/ post about what women should and shouldn't be allowed to do with their bodies/shame they should feel relative to their bodies.

Interesting that the men involved in their respective stories held that aggressively soliciting licking pussy in public seemed to be okay, but using breasts for their biological purpose is a big loving deal.

Goons are gonna goon and men are gonna do what they do. It's the circle of life or something.

# ? Feb 21, 2018 02:28

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Lawrence is an rear end in a top hat but you are an idiot if you think sleeping @50F is making you sick

# ? Feb 21, 2018 02:30

flick my Mr. Bean: Nov 18, 2014

Pick posted:

What happens to a mommas boy when his mom dies? What occurs there?

In the case of my brother's father-in-law: opioids and posting on facebook about his "momma" on a daily basis for years

# ? Feb 21, 2018 02:39

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

tactlessbastard posted:

Lawrence is an rear end in a top hat but you are an idiot if you think sleeping @50F is making you sick

Yeah, thinking it�s the temperature making you sick is stupid, but still, that�s some serious dick move.

Back in my freshman year of college, even though I�m from Buffalo, my roomie would open her and mine goddamn windows even when it was blowing snow through the screen and would lose her poo poo if I went to her �side� of the room and shut them because it was ten goddamn degrees outside.

Sadly that was like, her fifth worst shithead behavior.

# ? Feb 21, 2018 02:41

COMRADES: Apr 3, 2017; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

No one really answered why even if they think X is gross or rude they have a right to freak out on someone and dictate to them. Especially someone in their own home.

# ? Feb 21, 2018 02:43

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

COMRADES posted:

No one really answered why even if they think X is gross or rude they have a right to freak out on someone and dictate to them. Especially someone in their own home.

Because it's an indefensible position

# ? Feb 21, 2018 02:47

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

Pledge of Allegiance

quote:

I'd like to preface that I have no issue with the United States, the flag, or patriotism at all. I consider myself patriotic but because I believe in it, not because it's "what you're supposed to do"... so now for the story:

Today while walking into school the pledge began playing, I put my hand over my heart, showed respect for the pledge, and continued walking to class. Suddenly the school resource officer yelled at me to stop, I politely asked him "excuse me" to which he once again told me to stop. I continued walking as I was already late and needed to get to class. As I walked to class from attendance he stopped me and asked for my name, I gave him my full name and listened to what he had to say. He asked me why I didn't stop, I informed him that I was trying to get to class because I was late. He said that the school doesn't require I say the pledge, but that I'm required to "stop and be still" I informed him that this is a violation of my rights to which he responded that I "have no rights" and that it is a rule as well as that if I didn't listen to him next time I would be faced with disciplinary action. This entire time he was agressive and treated me with no respect. I am under the impression that this violates my first amendment right to free speech according to the supreme court's decision in West Virginia State Board of Education vs. Barnette. I spoke with a teacher who I know understands the constitution and law, and he told me it's wrong and spoke with the principal. I will be speaking to the principal after school. In addition I have already reached out to the ACLU and AHA. I would appreciate any advice as well as legal help you could provide.

Imagine being the guy manning the phones at the ACLU hearing reports of ICE unlawfully detaining people, people getting forced out of their homes because the landlord hates their skin colour, and then getting to talk to this guy

Danaru fucked around with this message at 03:15 on Feb 21, 2018

# ? Feb 21, 2018 02:58

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

while the poster sounds like the worst kind of bratty teenager i'd think we'd have less of that issue in general if powertripping adults didn't grossly overstep their bounds while loudly proclaiming that they had no rights.

For every budding manchild that posts to reddit about how their parents took away their internet priviledge and this is a violation of their civil rights there's probably at least 10 kids getting physically abused in their own home who don't think they have any recourse.

# ? Feb 21, 2018 03:21

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

The ACLU actually takes student rights very seriously, which is the only sensible thing to do imo. Teaching teens "just shut up and take it" isn't great if you want them to believe in rights as an adult.

# ? Feb 21, 2018 03:37

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

Anne Whateley posted:

The ACLU actually takes student rights very seriously, which is the only sensible thing to do imo. Teaching teens "just shut up and take it" isn't great if you want them to believe in rights as an adult.

That's fair, but immediately going to the ACLU even before the school principal or anyone else because some chud security guard needs to yell at kids to feel like a big boy seems like a bit of an overreaction (I'm assuming that's what a student resource officer is)

# ? Feb 21, 2018 03:51

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

I would agree if he were doing that instead of, but he's doing both

quote:

I spoke with a teacher who I know understands the constitution and law, and he told me it's wrong and spoke with the principal. I will be speaking to the principal after school.

Probably because it's easier to shoot off an email to the ACLU than to set up a meeting with the principal. If the principal apologizes, he can drop it with the ACLU (probably before anyone reads the email tbh), but if the principal doubles down, it'd be good to have that started.

# ? Feb 21, 2018 03:56

InediblePenguin: Sep 27, 2004; I'm strong. And a giant penguin. Please don't eat me. No, really. Don't try.

Danaru posted:

That's fair, but immediately going to the ACLU even before the school principal or anyone else because some chud security guard needs to yell at kids to feel like a big boy seems like a bit of an overreaction (I'm assuming that's what a student resource officer is)

Usually student resource officers are actual local police doing actual official duty for the police, rather than private security, from what I've heard and seen

# ? Feb 21, 2018 04:01

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

InediblePenguin posted:

Usually student resource officers are actual local police doing actual official duty for the police, rather than private security, from what I've heard and seen

That changes things considerably. I thought it was just some rent a cop dildo or a secretary or something.

# ? Feb 21, 2018 04:11

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Danaru posted:

Pledge of Allegiance

Imagine being the guy manning the phones at the ACLU hearing reports of ICE unlawfully detaining people, people getting forced out of their homes because the landlord hates their skin colour, and then getting to talk to this guy

if the school cop feels empowered to self-appoint himself as the patriot police and hassle teens, you pretty much have to go straight to the ACLU about it because the school principal is probably going to hit you with a paddle or some medieval poo poo

as soon as the kid said "west virginia" you know it's some hickville flag worship poo poo

# ? Feb 21, 2018 04:25

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

Why not have a country wide policy of making anyone who wants to work at a school take a short class covering any relevant supreme court decisions, and also telling them not to gently caress the students.

# ? Feb 21, 2018 04:27

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

dudeness posted:

Why not have a country wide policy of making anyone who wants to work at a school take a short class covering any relevant supreme court decisions, and also telling them not to gently caress the students.

one of the big reasons why america is dysfunctional is that by design the federal government has relatively little power to intervene in state matters

the only way the feds were able to enforce a standard drinking age (and even then there are loopholes) was by threatening to withhold all highway funding

# ? Feb 21, 2018 04:29

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

dudeness posted:

Why not have a country wide policy of making anyone who wants to work at a school take a short class covering any relevant supreme court decisions, and also telling them not to gently caress the students.

no one wants people to actually know their constitutional rights or lack thereof, that's just asking 4 trubbs

# ? Feb 21, 2018 04:29

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

west virginia is practically a 3rd world country that has all of its wealth stolen by horrible fucks

# ? Feb 21, 2018 04:31

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

hawowanlawow posted:

west virginia is practically a 3rd world country that has all of its wealth stolen by horrible fucks

it really is, appalachian areas used to be relatively progressiveish due to old timey labor activism as well as a perspective borne from the struggles of poverty but over the last few decades those areas, of which west virginia is the main example, have been completely poisoned by culture war poo poo and the state is collapsing again. it's the only state in the us in significant population decline, because there are so few urbanized areas in the state to keep people from leaving for better opportunities elsewhere

# ? Feb 21, 2018 04:35

flick my Mr. Bean: Nov 18, 2014

Danaru posted:

That changes things considerably. I thought it was just some rent a cop dildo or a secretary or something.

Nah. At least in my experience, it was always real cops.

# ? Feb 21, 2018 04:40

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# ? May 14, 2024 13:53

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

CODEWORD cactus

quote:

Do I [28F] keep trying with my tremulous husband [47M]?Relationships
submitted 1 year ago by dependantanxiouswife

This is extremely long, I feel like in order to receive proper advice, all variables of our history needs to be included. I apologize in advance and grateful for any additional insight or thoughts, thank you.

Meeting
My husband and I met at a house party that we were invited to by mutual friends, our meeting was surrounded in itself by very toxic people and a toxic environment.

I had only turned 18 a couple months prior, was still in highschool, dealing with a very emotionally unbalanced parents. I was raised in a very loving church community and raised with good values though. I have also suffered from extreme, crippling anxiety. I was secretly drinking, smoking pot and self harming to cope. Which is against my faith.

When I met my husband, he was separated from his first wife and had two children from that marriage. I found out his kids and I were only a few years apart in age.

He was the oldest in our group by far, would supply alcohol, would buy things that I admired, would travel an hour to pick me up every day. I felt heard for the first time in my life and also treated as an adult which I hadn't experienced before. I was also being heavily desired by him.

There were red flags looking back:

Crossed my physical boundaries during sex, was greedy during it and pressured me to let him just use the pull out method. Being extremely inexperienced and uneducated, I was still hesitant but I did give into the pressure.
He drank constantly, drove drunk constantly. He was the type to black out drink or consume until he was sick.
He'd buy me and our friends alcohol, he was in his 30s and our friends/myself was 17/18.
He allowed and encouraged his kids to drink 12-14.
He drove drunk with his kids daily.
He would take his kids to sports bars every day.
Would allow his kids to drive and their friends @ 12-14.
Moving in/baby
I ended up getting pregnant whilst still in highschool and only a couple months after meeting him. I couldn't tell my parents, I moved out of my childhood home after hiding my pregnancy for 6 months. We moved in together and I tried to continue school but eventually dropped out.

My anxiety was (still) so bad I've never driven a car and cry/shake hysterically when sitting in the drivers seat with the engine off. Haven't had any work experience. I didn't see a doctor until I was 7 months pregnant and I didn't tell my parents until a week after I had my baby.

I was isolated, living in a very scary area, trying to be a stepmom with no support, no support during my pregnancy or birth of my baby. I was scared to tell my parents and so I stayed and tried to make it work.

I would remind him of birthday and celebrations to encourage him not to drink away the money. Many times he couldn't afford gifts for his kids. I had no preparations for my baby because drinking was his priority. We lived very very poorly. But I wanted to make this work still. I had to.

I would fix snacks for after school for his kids, encourage him to spend sober time with them, we had them every day after school 5 days a week. I cooked all meals and did all entertainment. His kids weren't encouraged to respect me at all.

They stole things from me. Broke items from my childhood on purpose, items that were my family heritage. Would wake the baby up. Were given the freedom to criticize my parenting of baby, my house cleaning, cooked food, opinions of anything, and would tell me of how I needed to treat their Dad. I also hosted their friends quite often. But I still wanted to make this work, I had to.

Been a couple years
Fast forward a few years; his kids are now adults, I'm raising our daughter emotionally solo whilst he is out partying and sleeping around. He would only come home a few hours a night (3?).

He would be furious when I needed to shop for house, groceries, or baby and would spent the whole time berating me. I've had to walk off and leave a cart full of groceries sometimes because I'd break down and cry from a mix of panic attack & stress from him tearing me down the whole trip.

I'd beg him to take me shopping sober for the things we needed, he was unable to manage that and I had to call the police once after an altercation in the car. We had a few physical altercations like pushing me to the ground, driving off while I'm half way in the car on purpose, tried to drive off with my baby drunk/refusing to give her back to me.

He blew $20k inheritance on drinking and the consequences from his drinking. I've pulled cactus out of his side/back/butt because he fell down in it. I've had to clip stitches because two appointments to get them taken out of the office was rejected when he turned up drunk.

I've had to pled for transportation and money for bare needs and when I received it, there was always an emotional consequence I had to pay. I took verbal beatings over how to raise our daughter over things like exposure to sex, violence and vulgarity. But I needed to make this work still, I knew I could try harder. I didn't/couldn't give up.

DUI/some changes
He was arrested for aggravated DUI. Served in a work release program for a few weeks, and was on a home monitored ankle bracelet after that with a breathalyzer in the car for a year. Also a huge court fine.

I feel grateful at that point and blessed that finally an officer didn't let him go and did his job. I'm extremely thankful no one was killed. And hoping this is finally the new leaf.

He gets divorced and we get married. Things are getting a bit better since he isn't allowed to drink but he is still constantly angry. He has successes at work, he is 3 years sober, finances in the bank, he is more involved with our daughter (7), though it's still not 100%. And I have a good home budget.

Present
Work is extremely stressful especially since he is now on dislplincary action, we will know in 30 days if he still has a job or not.

He is still sober but he is extremely angry all of the time. Nearly any conversation we have together, no matter the topic, he ends up in a fit of rage and screaming/slamming doors.

Christmas Day at my family's house is an example. He was angry all day, refused all advances of love, would ignore me/dismiss me when I'd try to talk to him or ask what he'd like on his meal plate. He was agitated and wanted to take our daughter across the valley to visit his adult children. Seeing how unbalanced he was during morning/afternoon and how he disregarded needs/safety of myself and our daughter, I attempted to convince him she could stay whilst he went. He lost it in front of everyone.. My siblings, my parents.. I finally put my foot down and said she isn't going but he could go and come back after his visit with his kids. He was so livid his face was bright red, I felt like his eyes were super black/absent (idk how to explain?) and he threw some stuff then slammed my parents door. He later told me he was going to divorce me because I disappointed his adult kids by not allowing our daughter to go.

I've watched him seem to be getting more intense, aggressive, unreasonable, and unsafe.

He got furious with me because I told him our daughter isn't suppose to ride front seat because of the air bag. She is under the weight and age requirements. He told me he has been a parent before and I need to stop telling him what to do as her parent. I just want her safe.

Recently this last week, a customer and him were walking towards each other and my husband "didn't want to move", waiting until the very last chance to move. He said this guy was bigger than him both ways and he didn't move out of my husbands way either. They knocked shoulders pretty hard and my husband continued walking without apologizing. The customer is upset and "rudely says excuse me" in which my husband said "excuse me back in the same rude way" and basically dismissed this guy. The customer ended up following him around the store, got up in his face and told my husband he was lucky he didn't spit on him for how rude he was. And what poor customer service.

He is already on probation for poor job performance and this customer said he was going to file a complaint because of my husbands behavior, he is a manager. My husband said he did nothing wrong and guys do this all the time to be the dominate one. That both men didn't move and this guy is much better than him so it's his fault (the customer's) and not his (the manager). And he would do it again if he had to.

Even when he was an alcoholic he could hold it together at work... I feel like he is slipping here because he would of never of done this to a customer previously.

I also found out that a girl he has been actively crushing on at work.. Things have progressed. He says he loves her but won't leave me. And when I've been building him up emotionally (totally gone full force cheerleader mode because he was so down, hurt to see him like that) because work is so intense... He has written long eloquent letters to her on exact phrases I've used... To help him. An affair I'm sure is coming up soon. She has no idea what he is really like.

At the end of the month we were suppose to travel to a different state and because he has been so emotionally hostile I'm afraid of going. I did set him up with a dr appointment to see if we can get some outside help, he was put on a mood stabilizer.

Basically now, he is on medication but we won't know until 3-6 weeks, he is prepping for an affair, his temper is really intense/scary, and this trip coming up.

I've never worked, I've never driven a car, my anxiety is so intense checking the mail (leaving my house) is crippling. I'll cry, shake, and sometime wet my pants because I lose control over my bladder because of the anxiety. I have full access to our finances, though we don't have much but that is not an issue.

I am tired and it's taken everything some days to help him with these struggles. I don't know if I can go through another hard bump with him and I'm terrified to do it on my own. I love him and when he is great he is amazing but it's not very often I get to see that person.

TL;DR My husband has a lot of struggles. I saw hope and relief finally after lots of trials. He has regressed, do I keep going?

quote:

My friend [26M] invited another friend [25M] to live in my apartment while I [26F] was out of the country. The place was trashed and I'm furious.Non-Romantic
195 points 41 comments submitted 1 year ago by idcaito to r/relationships
For the last 4 months, I've been living in Europe. I've known Sam, my friend, for 8 years, since college. As it worked out, he needed a place to stay and I didn't want to leave my apartment empty for 4 months. So I handed him the keys, told him he could live there, and went on my way. While I was in Europe we would talk almost every night. I'd ask how things were, plus we just talked about regular stuff...he's one of my best friends.

Now, I think this is important to clear up: Sam is a very responsible guy. He has been since the first day I met him. He and I have always been the responsible ones in our friend group. So I had absolutely no problem with Sam living in my apartment while I was gone. I knew he would clean up after himself, keep on top of bills, not let parties get too crazy, etc.

But we have this other friend, Greg. I love Greg. He's a sweet guy and a lot of fun. The three of us are very good friends. But Greg is not a responsible guy. He just isn't, He was arrested like 3 times back in college for minor in possession and smoking weed, he's been on probation, he's horrible with money, he can't keep a job for more than a few months, etc. He's a good guy with a good heart, but he's a child who I wouldn't trust to keep a cactus alive. Sam has always had a bit more faith in Greg than I do. I long ago accepted that this is just who he is and that's okay. I just know not to trust him with anything important and our relationship works. Sam's not quite there yet. I guess maybe it's different 'cause they're the guys and I don't understand being a bro...I don't know. But he just puts a lot more faith in Greg than I ever would.

Well, I came home last week. Immediately upon walking in the door I'm greeted with a dozen empty booze bottles on my kitchen table. The place smelled like stale smoke. There were obvious signs of Greg's "special lady friend" (who is 20) staying there, which bothers me because I know she was probably drinking in my apartment. And while I don't care if she drinks- I drank underage, too- I do care if it's on my property without me around. The place in general was just kind of a wreck.

I called up Sam, who was at work at the time, and asked him what the hell happened. He said Greg needed a place to live about a week ago and Sam let him in. Now, Sam does this frequently. Greg is homeless...often. And I've never said anything about it because it's Sam place and I don't care what Sam does there. So that was his logic, that I'd never cared before and he didn't think I would care now. But this was my apartment.

I told him I was furious and he needed to be over immediately after work to clean up. And Sam did do that. He apologized profusely and cleaned everything. I was really mad, and told Greg he needed to get a new place lined up. I'm kinda equally as mad at Greg because he knows I wouldn't have wanted him to live in my place. He's asked before and I've always said no.

But I'm furious as Sam still. I know he apologized, but this just seems like such a huge breech of my trust. He's still living in my place until he can get a new apartment, so it'll be a few weeks. We agreed to that beforehand and I don't want to go back on that and make my best friend homeless. And he's been my friend for 8 years. I want to get over this. I just don't know how.

How do I move past this? Am I overreacting? Is it just something I should let go?

tl;dr: My very responsible friend let our irresponsible-but-lovable friend live in my apartment for a week or so while I was out of the country. I feel taken advantaged of and am furious at both of them. How do I move past this? Am I right to be this mad?

Rude!!

quote:

[Update] Me [23 F] with my boyfriend [25 M] of 5 months, he got fired and now sleeps away his days. What do I do?!Relationships
49 points 13 comments submitted 2 years ago by lazyboyfriendhelp to r/relationships
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3t5mka/me_23_f_with_my_boyfriend_25_m_of_5_months_he_got/

That's the link to the first post, I don't know how to do links, sorry. TL;DR of that post was, my boyfriend who lives with me got fired and now he's being completely lazy and useless.

So, onto the update. Well, in the month that I last posted this, nothing has really changed. When I got home that day, I had a long talk with Dean and basically told him that: he needed to get a divorce, see a therapist, get enrolled in school, and find another job even if it's just part time so that he has something to do during the day. I explained that his inactivity was driving me crazy, and that I was very unhappy with the current arrangement. I would go to work and he would still be sleeping when I left, and he would still be asleep when I got home over 8 hours later. It was depressing, honestly, and it's to the point where I feel like I'M the one who needs to see a therapist because of how unhappy I am. Dean told me that he would make an appointment with a therapist, call some lawyers, etc. A long time ago, he told me he would be divorced by the end of winter, and he reaffirmed that he was still planning on having it done by that date. I told him months ago that if he wasn't divorced by then, I was absolutely done.

Anyway, I was feeling a little hopeful, I guess. He made an appointment with a therapist last month, and as of today he has gone once. He has another appointment sometime next week, which is promising? However, nothing else is going well. He went to the community college to take his two placement tests, but walked out of the second one because it was too hard. It was the math test, and apparently he didn't understand the point of placement tests, and left because there was so much on the test that he didn't know how to do. This was over three weeks ago, and he's never gone back in to finish the test, and therefore is still not enrolled in school. He called one divorce lawyer, who quoted him $900, which Dean told me was too expensive and that he was going to shop around to other lawyers, but he has not so much as called a single one. This was also over three weeks ago.

Dean has not obtained another job, he hasn't registered for school, he hasn't begun any divorce proceedings. He's still spending the days at home, sleeping most of the time. He told me that it would be too depressing to go from "his dream job" or working in his industry to working a job that he didn't care about. Personally, I have worked jobs I don't care about my entire life...so I'm not being super sympathetic, honestly. Like, hello, I need money, so I'll work what I can to get by. Also, he's become obsessed with drugs to the point that he's at home right now making tea out of a San Pedro cactus that he ordered off the internet. I kind of blame myself since I am enthusiastic about drugs, and I'm the one who first encouraged him to be more open minded (he previously was staunchly against them, and very judgmental about it). But now drugs are all that he talks about and researches on his long days at home, to the point where he wants to go to Africa to go take some kind of dangerous hallucinogenic drug (iboga). He tells me that it's now his life dream to do that. He seems to think drugs will fix all of his problems but...they won't.

I've slowly come to realize how abusive and toxic that this relationship is. This weekend, he had some work, so I tagged along out to his workplace and saw my friends while he did his thing.

After, we all started drinking. Now, for some background: I loved college, and I partied hard. I was always the life of the party, supplying the drinks, making shots (I put myself through school as a bartender), encouraging the drinking games, and having a good time. Some people may think that's immature, but I loved going out and socializing and drinking with my friends. I have a lot of good memories, and occasionally I like to get a little wasted and chill out with my friends. Now, Dean is incredibly socially awkward and anxious. I'm sure he has some form of Asperger's that isn't diagnosed. Pretty much every social event we've attended has been a disaster because of him, which has led me to generally avoid them for the past few months to avoid a fight. I've been feeling very lonely and isolated lately because of it, so this weekend he seemed to be in a decent mood and we were with HIS friends, so I thought that drinking would be okay.

Long story short, he saw me shotgunning a beer (not my idea, but I've always had fun just doing goofy drinking game crap), and he basically flipped his lid. When we left to go to bed, I had no idea that he had been fuming for hours about me shotgunning- I'd intentionally only had two beers over the course of over 6 hours to make sure I wasn't drunk, since I knew he'd be upset about me being drunk. So I didn't think shotgunning was a big deal. But he told me that "it was the attitude behind shotgunning and other drinking games" that made him angry, and told me that it reminded him of his ex (well not even technically ex...) wife.

I got upset because I'm NOT her. I'm a happy drunk, I never cause a scene, I'm a collected drunk, people like me, and I don't see the issue with goofing off by shotgunning ESPECIALLY since I was dead sober! When I tried to make those points, he drove me to my car (which has a soft top and is therefore cold), and kicked me out. My phone was at 2% battery, and I didn't have my keys with me. So I got in my car and shivered for an hour before I texted him that I was cold and scared because I had no way to contact anyone else (my cell wouldn't survive a phone call) and no way to leave. He let me back into his van (where we were sleeping) and I just curled up in a ball and cried myself to sleep.

The next day he tried to be overly nice. He's been nice since, but I know it's over. I'm trying to just kind of...work up the courage to leave? I love things about him, but I feel like him telling me not to drink/party/play a drinking game is just crossing the line into being too controlling. I don't care if he wants to go to bed early at a party, I really don't. But he told me he would be too anxious if he went to bed early and I was still partying, so the only option was for me to go to bed with him. I know it's a silly thing to be mad about, but I feel like this is the last straw.

But now...how do I get out? I can't afford my apartment without a third roommate. If Dean leaves, we'll have to find someone else, and Iv'e asked around with no responses. Also, I am still involved in this very tight knit, small community, and I don't know how I'll deal with him still being around all the time. And I still feel conflicted sometimes about all of it, when he's being nice and trying to make it up to me-- sometimes I can almost forget all of the pain he's caused me.

So, I guess I am asking for some advice/support about how the hell I get the courage to end this relationship in a positive way (hopefully).

TL;DR of this update: I am a spineless, pathetic woman.

Accurate self-assessment!

quote:

]I [16 M] don't know about the birthday gift I'm getting for the girl [17 F]I want to be withRelationships
1 point 5 comments submitted 5 months ago by username3185643876 to r/relationships
So her birthday is on Friday. I decided to get her a few bags of candy and the part that I don't really know about, a cactus. See I was talking to her and we were talking about things we had in our room. She said she had 3 or 4 cactus' sitting in her room by her window. I thought that she would like another one to add to her collection but I think that it seems kind of weird as a birthday gift. She broke up with her boyfriend last weekend (yes this is the same girl from my other post, I guess she likes me more then her boyfriend?) I just don't know if that's what I should do or I should get her something else

Tl;dr I think the gift I'm getting for a girl I want to be with is sort of strange

go for it

# ? Feb 21, 2018 07:52

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