/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

Skutter: Apr 8, 2007; Well you can fuck that sky high!

Danaru posted:

Hard cider is the best booze because it's cheap and also tastes great

If you can get your hands on some Monteith's, that's the legit best I have ever had. Otherwise McKenzie's just came out with a black cherry cider that is great. Woodchuck though, is the best "basic" cider.

feedmegin posted:

Me I like me a 3l jug of Carlo Rossi Paisano

This is what I use in my "sangria".

Skutter's Guaranteed to gently caress You Up Sangria
1 3L of Carlo Rossi wine (the ros� has made the best batch so far)
1 750mL bottle of triple sec
1 750 mL bottle of peach brandy
2-3 2L bottles of ginger ale (Vernor's is superior)
1 bag of frozen mixed berries
Oranges, sliced

Pour the wine, triple sec, and brandy in a 2:1:1 ratio, fill the remaining space in the pitcher with ginger ale, add sliced oranges and frozen berries for ultimate fanciness. This tastes like candy and seems like an "adult" beverage, but you will get knocked in the head.

# ? Feb 27, 2018 20:26

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 31, 2024 03:12

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

andrew smash posted:

I read an article once that claimed selling the same wine under the same name but with an animal on the label increased sales by a huge factor. I have no idea if their data was good or not but I like their conclusion because it gives me a reason I can live with for why yellow tail is so loving popular

People love animals, gothic text, and references to sex acts that destroy workplaces

# ? Feb 27, 2018 20:27

Ouhei: Oct 23, 2008; Cat Army

Danaru posted:

My(19f) Boyfriend(23m) is jealous of me meeting the guy I catfished for 6 years.

If she really wants to go and doesn't have any ulterior motives why doesn't she just have her bf go with her? I mean it's a terrible idea to begin with (high chance for murder and all), but that seems like an easy fix if she's determined to follow through with it.

It's because she wants the option to hook up with the guy.

# ? Feb 27, 2018 20:29

wilderthanmild: Jun 21, 2010; Posting shit; Grimey Drawer

A few details about the wine party Kool-aid man story that I got from the comments:

*She and her husband have hosted hundreds of parties for their friends, which are all done his way. More if you count numerous smaller things like poker nights.
*Her husband makes an effort to be the center of attention of all parties. Insists they host all the parties for their friends.
*He didn't wait until the party was even over. It had a "scheduled" end time of 11 and he showed up started his party at 10:30.
*She wanted the calmer party not just for the atmosphere but the easier clean up, earlier bed time, and easier Sunday after. Instead she had to clean up after the wilder after party(which included vomit on her neighbors sidewalk).
*He barely participated in the clean up and instead went golfing, which is apparently the norm for the parties.

I'm firmly in the camp of "This guy's an rear end in a top hat" despite the story being funny in a vacuum. She could be lying or leaving out details of course, but all we have is her story to go on so :shrug:

wilderthanmild fucked around with this message at 20:39 on Feb 27, 2018

# ? Feb 27, 2018 20:32

Vladimir Putin: Mar 17, 2007; by R. Guyovich

Caganer posted:

Searching for "pretentious" brings up some gems:

My [51] son's [25] gf [25] is a pretentious nurse.

When you work all the time you tend to talk about what happens at work all he time. On the other hand this gets boring and tedious to listen to.

# ? Feb 27, 2018 20:32

Barudak: May 7, 2007

People cant tell what the hell wine is in the bottle, all the flavors on the bottle are made up, and people in general prefer sweet wines.

Also, Janice Im glad youve been a stay at home mom for 30 years but Cabernet Sauvignon is trash just like your attempt at a zesty appetizer.

# ? Feb 27, 2018 20:33

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

quote:

*She wanted the calmer party not just for the atmosphere but the easier clean up, earlier bed time, and easier Sunday after. Instead she had to clean up after the wilder after party(which included vomit on her neighbors sidewalk).
*He barely participated in the clean up and instead went golfing, which is apparently the norm for the parties.

TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!

# ? Feb 27, 2018 20:33

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

The ideal wine bottle is called Black Cat Plein D�eponges and has the same typeface as hit topic cosmetics

# ? Feb 27, 2018 20:36

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

My [27M] girlfriend [23F] of one year is making fun of the media I like and calls me pretentious

quote:

I've loved classical music since I was a teen, I listened to Gould playing Bach, Rubinstein playing Chopin, Bernstein directing Mahler, and so many more. In college I also really got into movies, I was interested in them before but around that time I became really invested in them, I'd watch everything by the great directors like Bergman, Ozu, Malick (well the early works), Tarkovsky, Fellini, etc. My tastes aren't exactly mainstream but I never really cared, I always loved talking to others about films even if we didn't have the same taste and I never put anyone down for what they liked.

I also have a collection of Criterion Blu Rays and DVDs, a bit over 100. When my girlfriend first saw them she looked at a couple of them and called them euro arthouse trash and asked me why I was watching those. That hurt a bit but I didn't think too much of it at the time. In November there's usually a sale on them, I got a bunch this year and was quite excited about it. I also told my girlfriend about it but she didn't seem to care much and even expressed slight disdain, asking me why I was acting like I cared about this pretentious stuff and if I shouldn't spend my money on more useful things.

She even sometimes watches these movies with me, I don't make her but she says she wants to, and then always moans about how it is in black and white or how she has to read subtitles, or that it's boring. I do enjoy spending time with her but I don't think she even enjoys watching them. We also often go to the cinema together, I usually let her choose, which is much more enjoyable because she actually likes the movies we watch there. We watched The Last Jedi just recently and while I didn't really care much for it she absolutely loved it. We talked a bit about it afterwards and I also told her how I felt about it in a normal way but she overreacted a bit and seemed genuinely angry that I didn't enjoy it as much as she did.

It's similar for other stuff too, e.g. when I'm reading a novel and leave it lying around and she sees it then she'll probably commend on it and might call me "jokingly" pretentious for reading something like a Gaddis novel. Or when I clean I usually listen to Bach and if she's around she might commend on my music choice in a negative way. It's gotten that bad that when around christmas our local concert hall had the St. Matthews Passion on their program I didn't feel excited at all to get tickets because I knew she'd disapprove of it.

I'm starting to feel slightly worried too, what if she's right and I only enjoy these things because I want to seem grown up and mature, I don't think that's the case really but it's been on my mind for a bit.

I'd appreciate some advice on how to deal with this situation. I love my girlfriend, at least I think so, but I don't want to have to choose between her and my interests.

i guess he should only listen to weird vaporwave when he cleans? not sure what the gf wants :shrug:

# ? Feb 27, 2018 20:36

feedmegin: Jul 30, 2008

Al Borland Corp. posted:

If he's that worried he can get a vasectomy. They can be undone

Ummmm they can if you're super lucky but it is by no means a sure thing. It's not designed to be reversible.

# ? Feb 27, 2018 20:36

andrew smash: Jun 26, 2006; smooth soul

Pick posted:

People love animals, gothic text, and references to sex acts that destroy workplaces

okay what's the sex act

Vladimir Putin posted:

When you work all the time you tend to talk about what happens at work all he time. On the other hand this gets boring and tedious to listen to.

i dunno man people love gross medical stories

# ? Feb 27, 2018 20:37

feedmegin: Jul 30, 2008

Skutter posted:

2-3 2L bottles of ginger ale (Vernor's is superior)

Michigander spotted

# ? Feb 27, 2018 20:38

1st AD: Dec 3, 2004; Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu: sometimes passing just isn't an option.

Caganer posted:

My [27M] girlfriend [23F] of one year is making fun of the media I like and calls me pretentious

i guess he should only listen to weird vaporwave when he cleans? not sure what the gf wants

On the one hand his girlfriend is a bitch, on the other hand this is the biggest square ever lmao

# ? Feb 27, 2018 20:38

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Anyone that thinks classical music, in and of itself, is pretentious is an irredeemable simpleton.

# ? Feb 27, 2018 20:40

Barudak: May 7, 2007

tactlessbastard posted:

Anyone that thinks classical music, in and of itself, is pretentious is an irredeemable simpleton.

To be fair hea basically listening to pop hits of the era so maybe shes just trying to get him into deeper cuts and more experimental orchestral arrangements.

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:01

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

Barudak posted:

To be fair hea basically listening to pop hits of the era so maybe shes just trying to get him into deeper cuts and more experimental orchestral arrangements.

yeah gently caress pianos it's all about phone noises, playstaion startup sounds, and a snare drum

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7T6pgZdFLP0

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:04

Patrick Spens: Jul 21, 2006; "Every quarterback says they've got guts, But how many have actually seen 'em?"; Pillbug

Caganer posted:

My [27M] girlfriend [23F] of one year is making fun of the media I like and calls me pretentious

i guess he should only listen to weird vaporwave when he cleans? not sure what the gf wants

Some people are really insecure about having lowbrow tastes, and treat liking anything more challenging than Star Wars as a threat.

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:10

andrew smash: Jun 26, 2006; smooth soul

That party thread keeps getting better and better. Her comments are insane. She is literally his bang maid.

quote:

Last football season when the Cowboys played the Redskins I specifically went out of town to see my sister the week after. I thought that if I wasn't there to clean up after he and his friends he'd get so sick of the mess he'd jump in and clean it up. Well not only did he not clean up after that game, he didn't clean up after poker night on Tuesday, he didn't clean up after college games on Saturday and he didn't clean up after the NFL games on Sunday. I arrived Sunday night to beer cans literally coating our floor and empty pizza boxes and Chinese food containers.

basically if I don't do it, he never will.

"unmentionable reasons"

quote:

he has a good job, he's very funny and fun to be around plus other unmentionable reasons that no one has ever even come close to matching for me. But he's a lot like a big kid.

Guess he has a big dick?

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:11

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

she's gonna have to jump on that hand grenade and marry him so they can buy a house, fill it with pristine furniture, and her only play at that point is to banish him to a basement Man Cave that he can stink up to his own satisfaction. and thus the life cycle of white people continues

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:14

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

I (29M) left my dog with my sister (23F) for the night. Didn't like what I saw when I picked dog up, sister says i'm pretentious

quote:

I left my 11 month old dog with my sister for the night of Canada day so she wouldn't have to be kennelled all day and night. I knew my sister would probably be out for a bit and that some people would be partying at her house. At the time I thought it wouldn't bother me.

The next morning I go in the back door. I knock on my sisters room door. She's not there, another friend slept in her bed. I grab my things and go look for my pup.

My dog was laying in the middle of the living room. There are two people passed out on the couches and one on the floor. The room is trashed and there are bongs and beer bottles all over the place.

The gross state of things as well as the fact that my sister wasn't even home bothered me. I start having ideas of young people blowing weed into her face or feeding her beer. Later that night I messaged her and asked "Those kids didn't do anything weird with Milly, did they?"

My sister freaked out. Calling me pretentious, telling me that i'm an rear end in a top hat and this is why I have relationship issues. (I don't get very close to many people very easily like she does)

I try to keep the conversation civil, but she refuses to even acknowledge that my worry could even be a reasonable response to what I saw. She claims things like "one of those "kids" is in law school". Maybe Milly was in fine hands and I really didn't understand context. I don't know if I can trust my sister to take care of my dog anymore if she this aggressively refuses to acknowledge that my concern is a legitimate one.

Am I being unreasonable? Isn't it understandable that such a scenario would draw assumptions about the environment that may not be ideal for the safety of my dog? Was using the term "kids" really such a pretentious way of describing the situation that it should overshadow my initial concern?

I'm not gonna lie, I don't like the kind of people my sister hangs out with, but that's nothing to do with the voice I concerned

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:15

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

andrew smash posted:

Guess he has a big dick?

It�s as big around as a beer can. Come to think of it, she�s never seen him naked with the lights on...

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:15

girl pants: Sep 21, 2006; I feel a great disturbance in my pants

I... I think he might actually be four toddlers in a grown man suit.

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:15

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Let your dog own a bong

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:17

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

andrew smash posted:

That party thread keeps getting better and better. Her comments are insane. She is literally his bang maid.

Guess he has a big dick?

The fromage umbrage continues. Trapped by the good dick.

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:19

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Man baby death panel

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:20

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

MAN BABY DEATH PANEL

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:21

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

women are so emotional if you'd been to business school like op's husband op would realize RATIONAL ACTORS react to INCENTIVES and if you keep sexing and cleaning he is being told he doesn't need to do anything but fart and watch football.

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:25

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

They�re happy to live in filth though, like women HAvE to civilize men, theyregross. Hugh once had me sit down and he went to his kitchen to get cold plain rice and ate it out of the box mournfully while complaining it was old and he�s pathetic and I�m like ..... also he offered me no rice

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:27

The_end: May 17, 2014

Caganer posted:

I (29M) left my dog with my sister (23F) for the night. Didn't like what I saw when I picked dog up, sister says i'm pretentious

Some dogs like weed and beer.

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:29

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Bloo bloo bloo māmā would cry if she saw this old rice I eat bloo bloo

Pick: *eating disorderishly thinks even old rice sounds p yummy rn*

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:29

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

My (33F) husband (33M) of 10 years started peeing on me in the shower

quote:

Lately my husband and I have been taking more showers together. I�m in a low space so it helps to have him clean me.

One time I had to pee so I told him I was just going to pee in the shower. Gross maybe but that is what I did.

A few times later he peed on my feet while I was rinsing my hair and I laughed and told him not to do that.

Since then he has tried to pee on me and I move quickly and tell him no. Yesterday he just straight peed on my thigh. I yelled no, I don�t like that!

I shouldn�t have started it or laughed the first time but now I want it to stop. How do I bring this up to him?

I don�t think this is a sexual thing at all. It just seems like he thinks it is funny.

Tldr: my husband pees on me in the shower and I want it to stop.

Edit: I am suffering from bipolar depression. I work with my psychiatrist and therapist to get better. I was at a point where I had an active plan to kill my self so my son could get a better mom and my husband could get a better wife. I have come a long way and now I struggle with self care and anger issues.

I work from home as a IT systems engineer manager. I put a lot of effort into this because it isn�t an easy job.

I am also a good mom. I try to be present with my son and do things with him.

the edit really takes it from :confused:

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:31

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

Caganer posted:

My (33F) husband (33M) of 10 years started peeing on me in the shower

the edit really takes it from to

Apparently only broke brains dislike getting pissed on in this world of 2018

hosed up, but the evidence is there

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:33

Barudak: May 7, 2007

The_end posted:

Some dogs like weed and beer.

Friend of mines family collected damaged and defected Chihuahuas from the pound and the real mean mugging one who had such a hosed up back leg it fused pointing completely paralell to his torso would follow anybody around the house who even smelled like pot and would move from lap to lap following the bowl/joint/bong around and getting hotboxed until it would roll on the floor actually happy.

God rest you tiny pot dog.

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:34

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

i just remembered E/N exists lmfao

quote:

I'm a long time lurker, rare poster. This will be long:

6 months ~Aug 2017, ago my bf and I were almost at the end of our relationship since we were both poo poo communicators. He reconnected with a woman, I'll call P., who was also having a poo poo time in her relationship. They have a history, she sort of strung him a long for a year and a half before moving states to be with another man after saying she didn't want a relationship. I never felt comfortable with this, but I would never tell him who he can't be friend with without good reason. I told him I was uncomfortable, but figured it was because I just didn't know her.

They had two late night phone calls and talked constantly about the problems in their relationships, from little things to sexual issues, but I was not the kind of person then to vocalize in a productive way how it made me feel. I did shelter duty from a storm and I told him in 2 A.M. text conversation that I realized in taking on the financial weight early in our relationship, I expected him to carry the emotional for both of us. I apologized for it and tons of walls for us broke down. Our communication became effortless and open, albeit with some slips, but leaps and bounds better.

I found out a week before our anniversary they exchanged several explicit photos and videos one of those late nights.
I found out because I asked him if they had exchanged photos during our relationship (he still had old ones from 3 years ago, which didn't bother me because they were 3 years ago), and he denied it. I confronted him about it and he denied it to my face then left for work. After work and seeing friends, he came home late and admitted to me I was right, he was scared to ruin what we had just accomplished. He admitted he sees a future with me and that scares him. He deleted these and the old ones in front of me.
The past 5 months have been amazing. We talk about it monthly, whenever I need to and he listens, he does not blame me, he is open, he does not shy from blame, completely admits he hosed up. I told him I was OK with them being friends, but they cannot be as close as they used to be. That's just not an option. He agreed with this.

Well, we had a discussion this morning about her because Monday night it was brought up if I even WANT to get to a point where I trust them together. I told him that still makes me uncomfortable, it makes me sick, and he understood. I'm just not ready. He said he knows he can't quantify this and it was an honest, open conversation. He was comfortable with my not being ready, but needed to hear I WANT to get there.
He mentioned they spoke about this and about how they haven't hung out, which gave me pause. She also wanted to apply for a job at his company, which he told me he would tell his boss that would would him uncomfortable as they have a history, that "She loving better not," but I found aforementioned conversation and he basically tells her he can't stop her from applying and he knows she has good worth ethic -- basically encouraging her.

I am very easily swayed by him being "honest" and "open" with me. I'm super heated and hurt one minute and then "everything is fine, we're fine" the next because he's never immediately confrontational or anything.

I don't have any reason to believe he has seen her behind my back, I don't question he has been unfaithful or his love for me. In this conversation, she pointed how it was the first real one they've had. She misses her friend, they both stated how they've backed off for my sake; but this conversation I found is breakup territory. In this conversation, he states: "If [theplanetvenus] never gets beyond that point [being paranoid] with you, after however long, eventually that's on her. At least a large portion of it would be," completely shifting blame to me.

It would be one thing if they really were just friends and I was being crazy and saying I was scared of what they MIGHT do even though nothing is happening. But something DID happen. She is actively trying to get in the way by telling him that he will eventually have to decide between their friendship and our relationship, "ultimately it's all gonna end up your decision what to do if she keeps moving this way." She is clearly positioning it as their friendship being more important.

This conversation said the following to me: She's was making it clear she's not going away, she was in his life first, and that I have to be the one to adjust my poo poo. By letting him know how important they are to each other. What she is saying is that they have is 'special' and unlike anything else and that I need to deal with it because it's gonna happen whether I like it or not. That whole conversation showed me she's not going away. He doesn't WANT her to go away. In fact, he wants to maintain his close connection as if nothing ever happened while also maintaining our relationship.

The way they were talking about it is that they are basically waiting for me to get over it so that they can continue being best friends. That yeah, even though they cheated, it happened 6 months ago so why the gently caress am I so upset about still.

It's obvious what he is saying to me is not the same thing he's saying to her. And there's the problem. It feels like they are both manipulating me together.

I have done a lot of self-improvement within this relationship and with this man.

Thank you for reading and letting me get this out. I can fill in anything else.

Caganer fucked around with this message at 21:38 on Feb 27, 2018

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:36

Ham Sandwiches: Jul 7, 2000

Caganer posted:

i just remembered E/N exists lmfao

That's amazing

That you thought helldumping goons was a good idea

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:37

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

I haven't been in posting form today but I've been :allears:

ing at the Party Guy story

That guy sounds more and more like a beer-commercial protagonist with every post (beer commercial protagonists do not make good husbands)

he's basically Slurms Mackenzie

like, right down to the part where his long-suffering wife only stays with him because he's really good at sex

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:37

Bored: Jul 26, 2007; Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

Blade Runner posted:

That dude owns actually, because all I can picture is a boring loving snooty wine tasting interrupted by a guy bursting into the room like a loving ~~beer commercial~~ Kool-aid man and rescuing these people from this boring poo poo they got pressured into

Ftfy

Edit: I just read a little farther to where you made that same joke. Damnit.

Bored fucked around with this message at 21:43 on Feb 27, 2018

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:38

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

That dog was a girl...

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:38

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

Ham Sandwiches posted:

That's amazing

That you thought helldumping goons was a good idea

i edited it so it doesn't point back to the op, if the mods still don't think it's ok i'll happily edit the post out entirely, but i'm pretty sure publicly posted info isn't :airquote:

"helldumping" :airquote:

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:39

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 31, 2024 03:12

Khorne: May 1, 2002

I'd have liked wine+cheese party although I don't drink alcohol. I'd have tasted the wines to be a good sport.

Admiral Ray posted:

Posting this based on the title alone.

I [20/F] found out my boyfriend [23/M] has been poking holes in our condoms.. now I'm pregnant. Relationships (self.relationships)

edit: loving murder him

Wait until that guy realizes he can just not use a condom, lmao. What a loving idiot.

On a more serious note, she should take legal and social action against him.

# ? Feb 27, 2018 21:39

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

«‹›6020 »