/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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1st AD: Dec 3, 2004; Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu: sometimes passing just isn't an option.

PetraCore posted:

My [20F] Mom [53F] found out I have a tattoo and barely speaks to me.Non-Romantic

WASPs are fucken uptight.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 00:41

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# ? May 30, 2024 16:31

Admiral Ray: May 17, 2014; Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

PetraCore posted:

I'm gonna take a wild guess that it's almost always a Cherokee princess too because everyone knows the Cherokee are a thing.

EDIT: Pretty sure I'm mostly descended from horse thieves and farmers.

My [20F] Mom [53F] found out I have a tattoo and barely speaks to me.Non-Romantic

quote:

TL;DR My mom and I are super close, but she found out I have a tattoo and I didn't respond, so now she's not speaking to me. How do I go about repairing this relationship?

Why would you want to?

# ? Feb 28, 2018 00:43

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

He [34/M] asked if I [28/F] wanted to marry him while we were having sex.

quote:

My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months, we moved in together 4 months ago and were friends for 3 years prior to our relationship.

Last night we were talking about his co-workers upcoming wedding, which we are attending. I made a joke along the lines of, "It must be nice to have a wedding!" and he said, "I want that for you..."

I gave him poo poo (jokingly, again) because it sounded like he wishes me the best as far as getting married goes, but my wedding wouldn't be with him. He said that wasn't what he meant, adding that he can see us getting married but he needs "a few more years." I laughed and dropped the subject.

Two hours later, we're having [great] sex... He paused, asked me to look at him, and asks, "Do you want to marry me?" I, of course, said yes because I do want to marry him. We haven't spoken about this since it happened last night and I'm scared to bring it up!

How do you interpret this, r/relationships?? Is he testing the waters? Was he in the throes of passion and let some BS slip? Is he thinking about marrying me?

Thank you for any and all input...

TL;DR live-in boyfriend of 10 months asked "Do you want to marry me?" while we were having sex. What does this mean?

Lol, sex so good he proposed.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 00:47

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

It�s a funny but very odd stat that marriage tends to make men happier and live longer. It does not have this affect for women. And yet met are the ones who have to be convinced. lol.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 00:49

Demon Of The Fall: May 1, 2004; Nap Ghost

La Brea Carpet posted:

He [34/M] asked if I [28/F] wanted to marry him while we were having sex.

I'M GIVING YOU A RAISE!!

# ? Feb 28, 2018 00:52

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

La Brea Carpet posted:

"Sugar Mommy" claims she is pregnant. I am 16 and she is 31. Am I liable for child support?

[UPDATE] I talked to my parents about the "sugar mommy" and we talked to the police.

oh this poor kid sounds like he has the shittiest parents. And gently caress the cops, too.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 00:55

Barudak: May 7, 2007

andrew smash posted:

best I got was that some ancestor was a confederate deserter

A friend of mine had a family ancestry thing once which revealed a great uncle who foight for the confederacy before being killed in battle. The response he gave to the affect he was glad that man had no children was not well recieved by the ancestry presenter.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 01:03

Grape: Nov 16, 2017; Happily shilling for China!

My otherwise super Northeastern rear end had one ancestry line that involved both a died in the wool confederate (who named his daughter Roberta with Lee as her middle name lol), who himself was also a descendent from what we were pretty sure was a locally settled Hessian mercenary.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 01:06

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

quote:

I have to keep getting up at 9:30 to take the bus!

Oh, the horror!

# ? Feb 28, 2018 01:22

Nissin Cup Nudist: Sep 3, 2011; Sleep with one eye open

We're off to Gritty Gritty land

Barudak posted:

A friend of mine had a family ancestry thing once which revealed a great uncle who foight for the confederacy before being killed in battle. The response he gave to the affect he was glad that man had no children was not well recieved by the ancestry presenter.

This is my extremely distant ancestor Robert E. Lee

# ? Feb 28, 2018 01:30

Bored: Jul 26, 2007; Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

loquacius posted:

I mean, it looks like that now, at 0 squats

If you do more than 0 it won't anymore

and I promise that anaerobic exercise will not turn you into Hans and Franz

That's what two of my cats are named!

# ? Feb 28, 2018 01:39

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

quote:

We quickly realized the implications of this. My dad's father and his mom's father were not the same person.

Um, were you expecting them to be?

# ? Feb 28, 2018 01:53

Peaceful Anarchy: Sep 18, 2005; sXe
I am the math man.

tactlessbastard posted:

Um, were you expecting them to be?

Yes, his aunt is his father's half sister, but they thought they were full siblings. The "his" in "his mom's father" is the cousin, in case that was your confusion.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 02:03

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

Peaceful Anarchy posted:

Yes, his aunt is his father's half sister, but they thought they were full siblings. The "his" in "his mom's father" is the cousin, in case that was your confusion.

Ah. Thanks.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 02:04

Metis of the Chat Thread: Aug 1, 2014

I got a DNA test done on my dog for $80 and god knows how accurate it was, but it was fun. I doubt I'd ever get it done for myself, though.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 02:09

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

= MY rear end, as described as TWO KIDNEY BEANS KISSING

= the "ideal" modern rear end, globular and fatty in its reality but built up by a modern aesthetic that eschews line breaks

You cannot LUNGE your way from rear end A to rear end B. It would actually require a DISMISSAL OF rear end MAINTENANCE REGIMEN and impossible, babylike youth

# ? Feb 28, 2018 02:20

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

searching for "rear end" brings up some good feshes

I grabbed my (25m) wife's (24f) sister's (19f) rear end by mistake. Now she won't talk to me.

quote:

I was at work, I got a text from my wife saying we're having dinner at her parents house tonight, she's cooking.

I got there , tv was on loud, I saw her cooking in the kitchen. She must have not heard me, I said "hey sweet cheeks" but she didn't answer. I playfully grabbed her rear end, thinking it was my wife. (They have the exact same hairstyle) but it was her sister and she screamed her head off.

Wife and her parents came down, they were upstairs. I tried to explain everything but they didn't believe me. I told them they were crazy if they thought if sexually harass my own SIL.

They didn't believe me, they sent me back home, wife won't talk to me when she came back .

What should I do ?!

tl;dr: Mandatory summary/question! Grabbed SIL's accursed buttcheeks thinking they were my wife's. Now they think I'm some weird molester and none of them, including my wife, are talking to me

# ? Feb 28, 2018 02:23

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

more rear end chat

How do I (25/F) tell my date (23/F) she smells like rear end

quote:

So, this is awkward.

I met this super cute girl at a party. We went on a couple of dates, on the second one she came home with me and things got sexy.

We were naked. She had a smoking hot body. There is no nice way to say this; she also smelled like poo poo. I'm not just saying she didn't smell so good; homegirl possessed an overwhelming odour of straight up human feces.

She didn't have a colostomy bag or anything obvious that could explain her... situation. I had previously noted that she had some body odor going on, but every time I saw her it was late and she'd been at work all day. I didn't expect it to translate to general poor hygiene; she always looks very put together.

I'm not interested in her sexually any more; I'm pretty forgiving but it would only ever have been a casual thing and honestly it was really off-putting to me. That's cool; I'm a grown up. I know how to stop dating someone without being a jerk about it.

The problem is that pretty much exactly as I noticed she smelled like poop, she told me she was too drunk and she didn't want to go any further. Totally fine! We went to sleep, we ate breakfast together, all was chill. But now I'm worried that when I say I don't want to see her again she's going to think it's because she didn't want to bang me when she was wasted. And I feel like that makes me look like an rear end in a top hat at best and a potential sex offender at worst.

We have a bunch of mutual friends who I'd rather not get that impression of me, and obviously I can't tell them it's actually because her naked body reeks of poo poo. Plus, I feel like it's probably good for her sexual future for her to know this.

What do I do here? Do I tell her? If I do, HOW the hell do I tell her?! I don't want the poor girl to be mortified.

TL;DR; Date smelled like butt, what do?

# ? Feb 28, 2018 02:24

Tender Bender: Sep 17, 2004

tl;dr the hot girl I'm dating let out a terrible silent fart as we were about to gently caress

# ? Feb 28, 2018 02:27

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Pick posted:

= MY rear end, as described as TWO KIDNEY BEANS KISSING = the "ideal" modern rear end, globular and fatty in its reality but built up by a modern aesthetic that eschews line breaks

You cannot LUNGE your way from rear end A to rear end B. It would actually require a DISMISSAL OF rear end MAINTENANCE REGIMEN and impossible, babylike youth

Pick that second butt is way too big and also this whole thing sounds kind of weirdly incelly

# ? Feb 28, 2018 02:31

wilderthanmild: Jun 21, 2010; Posting shit; Grimey Drawer

The girl in the 2nd picture is strangely proportioned. Her butt almost looks fake.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 02:35

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

I'm vaguely reminded of the fake butt sex toy that had "perfect proportions" or whatever the phrasing was

e: it probably is fake, that's what pick is trying to say, but it is not a good butt and she should get her money back

# ? Feb 28, 2018 02:36

CheesyDog: Jul 4, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

Have y'all ever actually seen a butt

# ? Feb 28, 2018 02:39

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

loquacius posted:

Pick that second butt is way too big and also this whole thing sounds kind of weirdly incelly

No you see the reason she had bit had success with men is because off her flat, square rear end and not her personality or her refusal to pesrue a relationship with anyone other than one dude who has had it with her already.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 02:41

Faffel: Dec 31, 2008; A bouncy little mouse!

You can't hold a conversation with a butt.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 02:42

La Brea Carpet: Nov 22, 2007; I have no mouth and I must post

Faffel posted:

You can't hold a conversation with a butt.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7Lc-YkoxoA

# ? Feb 28, 2018 02:44

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

therobit posted:

No you see the reason she had bit had success with men is because off her flat, square rear end and not her personality or her refusal to pesrue a relationship with anyone other than one dude who has had it with her already.

lots of guys are interested in me, I just find buddha-esque spiritual peace in only wanting impossible things so I never have to interact with reality. idiot.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 02:48

Bobby Digital: Sep 4, 2009

Faffel posted:

You can't hold a conversation with a butt.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 02:49

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

loquacius posted:

I'm vaguely reminded of the fake butt sex toy that had "perfect proportions" or whatever the phrasing was

did someone say "perfectly proportioned butt"? :butt:

My husband (38M) is obsessed with my(36F) rear end

quote:

I'm not sure whether this is funny or embarrassing. Maybe both?

Anyway, my husband and I have been married for ten years, and we have two kids (6-year-old twins). We're still very much in love which is why I feel silly for posting this when there are many other serious issues abound in this subreddit, but I really need a tactful way to broach this with my husband.

Our relationship has always been very physical, and we show love by touch, holding hands, or he'll place his hand on the small of my back, etc...This hasn't changed in the 17 years we've known each other, or the 10 years we've been married. I'm grateful for our relationship, because I've seen friends get separated, divorced and cheated on. But I think my husband is a little too obsessed with my butt.

He says when he first saw me (we met in college) the first thing he noticed was my rear end. This would normally be a cute story, except that he loves telling people (particularly new friends) that's how we met. "I saw that award-winning rear end from across the room, and that was it for me. I was a goner." People laugh, and then of course their eyes will gravitate to my butt to judge for themselves. I will then feel self-conscious, especially now that I've put on some weight in the past few years. When I mention this to my husband, he'll dismiss me and say I looked as beautiful to him as the day we married, then squeeze my butt appreciatively.

The butt-squeezing is another point of contention, btw. He will usually grab it randomly (when I'm cooking, or talking on the phone) and I'll just grin at him and smack him away if we're alone. But in front of our kids or in public, again it's embarrassing. At one point our son even grabbed his cousin's rear end, and we had to explain to him that he was not supposed to do things like that, and he was confused because "Daddy does it to Mommy all the time" and he equates it with showing affection. I told him very clearly that he should not do it to others without their consent, and I don't know if the message sunk in.

I have tried to sit down and talk to my husband about it, but he somehow ends up hurt and thinking I don't like his physical affection. That isn't true at all, and the last time I brought this up (don't grab me in public or in front of the kids, etc) he was physically distant over the next few days and I was very sad. I really tried explaining that I want us to still be physically close, but there are appropriate and inappropriate times.

I don't think we need couples therapy because we don't really have any issues aside from the rear end-grabbing, or him talking about my butt to friends and even strangers. I have tried explaining my boundaries to him, but he just equates it with me telling him to back off completely and that I don't love him as much anymore (which is not at all true). I kinda wish I had spoken out earlier while we were dating, but it's too late for that now.

Any advice?

# ? Feb 28, 2018 02:53

Jeza: Feb 13, 2011; The cries of the dead are terrible indeed; you should try not to hear them.

ive got a butt that just wont quit [posting]

# ? Feb 28, 2018 02:54

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

"I love rubbing my sexuality in everyone's face no matter how many people it makes uncomfortable because I am mentally 12"

# ? Feb 28, 2018 02:55

andrew smash: Jun 26, 2006; smooth soul

Pick posted:

= MY rear end, as described as TWO KIDNEY BEANS KISSING = the "ideal" modern rear end, globular and fatty in its reality but built up by a modern aesthetic that eschews line breaks

You cannot LUNGE your way from rear end A to rear end B. It would actually require a DISMISSAL OF rear end MAINTENANCE REGIMEN and impossible, babylike youth

why would you want to go anywhere near rear end B

That rear end could anchor a howitzer

# ? Feb 28, 2018 03:01

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

rear end so good he falls into ennui because he can't grab it in public and in front of their children.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 03:01

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

loquacius posted:

Pick that second butt is way too big and also this whole thing sounds kind of weirdly incelly

It is 100% incel talk LOL

# ? Feb 28, 2018 03:11

Tender Bender: Sep 17, 2004

andrew smash posted:

why would you want to go anywhere near rear end B

That rear end could anchor a howitzer

basic white dude spotted

# ? Feb 28, 2018 03:11

Grape: Nov 16, 2017; Happily shilling for China!

andrew smash posted:

why would you want to go anywhere near rear end B

That rear end could anchor a howitzer

I fail to see the problem here.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 03:16

don longjohns: Mar 2, 2012

Her butt is nice but everyone has different tastes

# ? Feb 28, 2018 03:20

Caganer: Feb 15, 2018

rear end Flash: Flirting or Forcing?

quote:

Hi all. My boyfriend [M26] and I [F25] have been dating about five years. He thinks it's cute to ask me to do things for him in exchange for something I ask him. He claims its flirting. Here's what happened today: I was starting dinner in the kitchen and I used our computer (also in the kitchen) to look up a recipe. I got a pop up error message so I asked him to address it since the computer is his area of expertise (he was playing drums a few feet away). A few minutes later, while cutting veggies, I asked him how it was going. He said I should flash him my rear end first. I ignored that request and asked very nicely twice more how it was going, and each time he said I needed to flash him. Eventually I washed off my hands and walked over to the computer to get the answer myself. I don't think I should have to flash my rear end before he will answer my question (not to mention the fact that we live in a shared house and one of my housemates could have come into the kitchen at any moment) but he thinks I'm being unreasonable and a bad girlfriend for not "flirting" back.

Tl;dr: Am I being as unreasonable as he says I am by not playing along?

# ? Feb 28, 2018 03:21

Bunni-kat: May 25, 2010; Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?

Grape posted:

I fail to see the problem here.

That butt belongs in a Liefeld comic.

# ? Feb 28, 2018 03:23

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# ? May 30, 2024 16:31

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Caganer posted:

did someone say "perfectly proportioned butt"?

My husband (38M) is obsessed with my(36F) rear end

I hope this guy talks exclusively like manic Al Pacino from Heat

# ? Feb 28, 2018 03:25

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