/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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sandoz: Jan 29, 2009

Tranklin Delano Roosevelt

# ? Mar 6, 2018 21:43

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# ? May 14, 2024 23:17

TyrsHTML: May 13, 2004

As a half-brother who's life was completely ignored by my half-sister, who also told her children our shared father was dead for 15 years, I would laugh in their face if they asked me for loving anything.

# ? Mar 6, 2018 21:43

sandoz: Jan 29, 2009

TL;DRoosevelt

# ? Mar 6, 2018 21:45

Doggles: Apr 22, 2007

Use this one simple trick to open the relationship. Infertile husbands hate it!

I am [36/m] infertile. My wife [34/f] wants a friend she chose to get her pregnant. What do I do?

quote:

My wife and I have been in a loving relationship for almost a decade, and we had never really experienced any major bumps until now. As clich� as it sounds, we appeared to be the poster child of a happy couple among our friends. I took some financial risks a couple of years back and my wife trusted me completely and weathered the financial hardships that ensued like a champ, however now our risks have begun to pay dividends and we feel that this is the perfect time to start a family�

�we�ve been trying for 2 years.

During this period my wife tried a lot of things � she even dabbled in alternative medicine which was surprising given her nature. I however, refused to believe the issue lay with me and shut-down any suggestions of getting tested; this mostly stemmed from insecurities about my masculinity being questioned. After some productive and long conversations with my wife, I realised that dodging the issue was selfish of me given the many changes my wife had made so as to help with her fertility. She assured me that she loved me, and even on the off-chance that I had a low sperm count, we could always pursue other avenues. Spurred on by the support, I manned up and booked an appointment with my GP a couple of months ago. After the tests a week or so goes past and the GP finally shares our results. He reveals that the tests show that I am infertile, a verdict that stunned both my wife and I. He listed some alternative routes we could take, but I was simply too shocked to even take it in. I expected some words of consolation from my wife in my moment of weakness, even a hug, anything to lift me from my depression but I was met with only stone cold silence. Once we got home, she finally spoke and told me that she will be sleeping in the guest room for the next couple of days.

I had no one to confide in and my very own wife was rejecting me after I had shown weakness. I did not know where our marriage stood, but what I do know is that I had never felt lonelier than I had at that point. Despite all of this, I still loved my wife and believed that we would get through this in time. About a month ago I decided to confront her so we could finally put these issues to bed � however, instead of a productive discussion my wife hit me with an ultimatum: either we opt for the sperm donor route or she walks. I refused to believe what I was hearing but she was being completely serious. She said that I had wasted the most fertile years of her life and that knowingly keeping someone in a childless marriage is something she would not wish on her worst enemy.

Now my wife is not an emotional person so seeing her cry as she was saying this shocked me to the core. I managed to calm her down only by saying that I agree and that I am willing to help her find a suitable clinic. She tensed up at this and said that she will not go with a clinic as she does not �trust them enough�, rather she already has someone in mind. I ask her who and she mentions the one name that could possibly hurt me the most, Skeeter. Now Skeeter is an old mutual friend of ours I�ve never liked or got along with mostly due to his arrogance and jerk-ish personality, he also had a short fling with my wife whilst they were at college (something he has boasted about behind our backs). She then goes on to tell me that she has already spoken to Skeeter and that he is �happy to take care of our embarrassing problem.� It felt as if my wife had stabbed me in the back. I�m a notoriously private person and I don�t open up to people easily, so for her to go and tell another soul (especially Skeeter) about a confidential issue felt like a massive betrayal. Her reasoning for choosing Skeeter as the donor is because he has "all the outward physical traits and appearance� that she wants our child to have.

Now I don�t want to lose my wife, I love her with all my heart so I accepted. They have yet to do the deed (scheduled for next month), but she has been perked up recently and I haven�t seen her this excited in a long time. I am really torn right now, I feel extremely guilty over even contemplating leaving her as I have lost my wife years. Will I get my wife back after she gets pregnant or I�m I making a huge mistake?

tl;dr: Found out I am infertile. Wife wants rear end in a top hat friend to father our child.

# ? Mar 6, 2018 22:12

andrew smash: Jun 26, 2006; smooth soul

Man Patti is one ice cold bitch

# ? Mar 6, 2018 22:15

Manic X: Jul 1, 2015

That dude should leave his wife. Even if he loves her, it is clear she has no respect or love for him.

# ? Mar 6, 2018 22:20

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

to be sorta fair she has the right to be pretty pissed that this dude put off getting his junk tested for 2 years while she tried literally option available and it turns out he had the broke dick all along.

# ? Mar 6, 2018 22:21

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

That's cold on her part, but god drat TWO YEARS of going "no YOU'RE the problem, I'm a virile Adonis", just to find out whoops! sorry babe! All that stuff you were trying was for nothing!

andrew smash posted:

Man Patti is one ice cold bitch

# ? Mar 6, 2018 22:22

Manic X: Jul 1, 2015

ArbitraryC posted:

to be sorta fair she has the right to be pretty pissed that this dude put off getting his junk tested for 2 years while she tried literally option available and it turns out he had the broke dick all along.

Absolutely agree she should be pissed about that, but if she was so pissed she should just do the right thing and be straight with him, that she cannot forgive him for that - otherwise it comes across as what she is doing now is to somewhat get back at him.

Guess can't be too harsh without hearing both sides of the story tbf.

# ? Mar 6, 2018 22:24

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

It's weird tho cause I found the thread and it was posted recently but I swear we saw nearly the exact same post like a year+ back. Husband putting off fertility test, finding out he's infertile, and his wife's immediate solution being a "natural" donor. Particularly someone they both knew and the husband disliked.

# ? Mar 6, 2018 22:25

Barudak: May 7, 2007

ArbitraryC posted:

It's weird tho cause I found the thread and it was posted recently but I swear we saw nearly the exact same post like a year+ back. Husband putting off fertility test, finding out he's infertile, and his wife's immediate solution being a "natural" donor. Particularly someone they both knew and the husband disliked.

We did so either this is a repost or men who are infertile are genetically attracted to women who have seed daddies all rarin to go

# ? Mar 6, 2018 22:26

HIJK: Nov 25, 2012; in the room where you sleep

That's a big fat "gently caress you" to her husband because in her mind he refused to take their marriage seriously for 2 years and tried to stick her with the bill. He let her twist herself into knots for 2 years trying to figure out "her" problem when surprise it was him all along.

If they give it some time to cool off she might come to a different conclusion but she sees a chance to get back at him and have a kid so that's what she's going for. I'm actually a little impressed at how calculating it is.

# ? Mar 6, 2018 22:35

Ouhei: Oct 23, 2008; Cat Army

Doggles posted:

Use this one simple trick to open the relationship. Infertile husbands hate it!

I am [36/m] infertile. My wife [34/f] wants a friend she chose to get her pregnant. What do I do?

I knew some people that did the "natural donor" thing a few years back. They're kind of odd people but I always thought it was awkward as all hell. I think they used a close friend of theirs too.

In this case the husband sucks for putting it all on his wife for 2 years, but goddamn she is going nuclear in response and is for sure doing this as punishment. Choosing the friend he hates and that she had a thing with previously, already talking to the guy about it without talking to her husband first are supremely hosed up.

# ? Mar 6, 2018 22:36

Elephant Ambush: Nov 13, 2012; ...We sholde spenden more time together. What sayest thou?; Nap Ghost

Skeeter

# ? Mar 6, 2018 22:38

Bunni-kat: May 25, 2010; Service Desk B-b-bunny...
How can-ca-caaaaan I
help-p-p-p you?

HIJK posted:

If they give it some time to cool off she might come to a different conclusion but she sees a chance to get back at him and have a kid so that's what she's going for. I'm actually a little impressed at how calculating it is.

I don't know if calculating is the right word. And if it is the right word, loving get a divorce.

He did a bad because of toxic masculinity. Therapy would be the proper order for that. Letting your enemy gently caress your wife ain't it. If she doesn't come to a different conclusion, again, divorce.

# ? Mar 6, 2018 22:42

andrew smash: Jun 26, 2006; smooth soul

ArbitraryC posted:

It's weird tho cause I found the thread and it was posted recently but I swear we saw nearly the exact same post like a year+ back. Husband putting off fertility test, finding out he's infertile, and his wife's immediate solution being a "natural" donor. Particularly someone they both knew and the husband disliked.

I�m pretty sure it�s literally a find/replace with whatever the other dude�s name was originally replaced with Skeeter.

# ? Mar 6, 2018 22:47

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

My [16F] mother [40sF] is strictly against me taking birth control for medical reasons.

quote:

Hello Reddit! I have had my period since I was 9 or 10 and recently (as of around three years ago) my symptoms have become absolutely unbearable. I have hot flashes, I can't sleep, I have failure concentrating, and my cramps are worse than ever. They happen in between my periods (I think that's when ovulation is?) And from a week before my period starts to a couple days in. Once these cramps start, I physically can't do anything but sob in pain. And I feel like every month it gets worse. Edit: I forgot another important symptom; I also have really heavy bleeding during my period that usually lasts a day, and its so bad that I go through a super size tampon every hour.

Yesterday I decided I couldn't take it anymore and I asked my mom to schedule an appointment with my doctor which she was fine with, until I mentioned that I'll probably be prescribed birth control.

Now I have probably tried every other possible method of lessoning my symptoms possible: I exercise regularly, I eat healthily, I cut out dairy during my period, I have been taking valerian, vervain, lemonbalm, and raspberry leaf capsules twice a day for over a year, plus drinking these herbs as teas during my period, but my symptoms are still unbearable. I have been sexually active in the past but my current boyfriend and I (of two years) have decided to take a long break from that, so my birth control is strictly to control my hormones.

Once I started telling my mom my research on how birth control can help, she started to hardcore research on any possible herbs I can use instead, even though that is all I have been trying to do. My mom and I are all about using herbal remedies, but I am sick and tired of guessing and taking herbs in place of something I know has over a 90% chance of fixing all of my symptoms.

My appointment is today and my mom keeps repeatedly suggesting to cancel my appointment and try buying me cramp bark and horse medication instead and I dont know what to do. I want to ask for my doctor's and I's appointment to be private but I know that'll only make her more paranoid about starting birth control (she thinks holding hands at my age is too inappropriate) If you have gotten this far, thank you so much for reading this. I don't know what is going to happen today but I really hope I can get help for this.

TL;DR My mom is strictly against getting me birth control for my out of control symptoms even after trying almost every other possible way of fixing my problems (exercising, good diet, herbal capsules)

Edit: Wow this blew up and I can't reply to everyone so its going here. A big thing I have noticed is a lot of you guys are mentioning that my insurance can hide if I'm taking BC but one problem is that we don't have insurance so the money does have to come from our pocket and I'm really concerned about that. Another is that I just contacted the clinic and the nurse told me that I might be too young to be able to have confidentiality between my doctor and I (I live in Texas, US and I'm not so sure about the laws here so if someone could give me a heads up on that it would be nice). My appointment is in an hour and I'm so nervous that my mom is going to cancel last minute because I am really worried that this could be worse than I think because I have the tendency to brush off things that are wrong a lot.

# ? Mar 6, 2018 22:47

Danaru: Jun 5, 2012; 何 ??

Iowa Real Estate: Bought a home from flippers who didn't pull permits

quote:

I bought a home 8 months ago that was brand new inside. It appeared to be remodeled down to the studs. The seller was a flipping company, they do this all over town. Now I'm having huge issues:

New HVAC ducts were installed wrong. 6" ducts were downsized to 4" ducts. I know that the previous owners did it because they are brand new, shiny with stickers from the store. This was not permitted, or disclosed. $4,000 to replace ductwork. Not caught on inspection.

TWO load bearing walls were removed and supported with posts in the basement. Posts weren't installed correctly: No concrete footings, and in some cases not even underneath the joists. (Next to and screwed in) Structural Engineer estimates that my first floor has dropped 3-4inches in the 8 months I've been here. $15,000 to jack up the house, add new beams and supports.

Stairs to the basement weren't supported. At risk of falling soon. No quote for this yet.

There are many other code violations that I haven't dug into yet. It is obvious that this wasn't done with a permit. I called the permit office and the only thing they pulled for was foundation work. Checking my disclosure sheet:

HVAC was not disclosed
New Plumbing was done
New Electical was done
New Foundation wall was done
Any settling issues: no
Any structural issues: yes
Do I have any legal recourse? Sorry for the novel. I have plenty of information, I just didn't know how much to add here.

Edit: all the work was done by the previous owner. They are shown as the contractor on the foundation permit they did pull, and neighbors have said that it was the same work trucks there during the entire remodel.

# ? Mar 6, 2018 22:50

Arturia: Jan 24, 2017; Can't stop clicking circles

ArbitraryC posted:

to be sorta fair she has the right to be pretty pissed that this dude put off getting his junk tested for 2 years while she tried literally option available and it turns out he had the broke dick all along.

He didn't get tested because he was afraid of what would happen, and lo and behold he got tested and look what happened. 2 years is a while but look at it this way, he got 2 extra years of thinking his wife actually cared about him.

# ? Mar 6, 2018 22:51

Barudak: May 7, 2007

The marriage is over, shes just seeing if his impotence extends to divorcing her

# ? Mar 6, 2018 22:54

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Danaru posted:

Iowa Real Estate: Bought a home from flippers who didn't pull permits

OP's hosed since flipping companies have a habit of mysteriously shutting down right around when buyers find out all the problems they left behind.

Should check for insulated stairs just in case, though. :grovertoot:

# ? Mar 6, 2018 22:54

ArbitraryC: Jan 28, 2009; Pick a number, any number; Pillbug

Chaosfirev posted:

He didn't get tested because he was afraid of what would happen, and lo and behold he got tested and look what happened. 2 years is a while but look at it this way, he got 2 extra years of thinking his wife actually cared about him.

The drastic response is probably from 2 years of all responsibility being dumped on her and the implication it was her fault all along all cause dude was too chickenshit to do even one small test while she went through with literal years of them.

Like not saying "get cucked or we divorce" is the best way to handle it, but her anger is incredibly understandable and her response is clearly intended as a punishment.

# ? Mar 6, 2018 22:56

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Who the hell inspected your home? Who the hell during discovery didnt find out they didnt have the permits? Youre canadian arent you?

# ? Mar 6, 2018 22:57

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Haifisch posted:

My [16F] mother [40sF] is strictly against me taking birth control for medical reasons.

Hahaha imagine your teenage daughter having horrific menstrual pain for 3 whole years of her life and not caring at all that going on birth control will lessen or eliminate her problems hahahahaha oh man so funny

Really though, she should hit up Planned Parenthood and be done with it. Assuming PP exists in her area of Texas, there's literally nothing her shitbag mom can do if she's granted any form of birth control by a clinic.

Cough Drop The Beat fucked around with this message at 23:07 on Mar 6, 2018

# ? Mar 6, 2018 23:05

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Barudak posted:

Who the hell inspected your home? Who the hell during discovery didnt find out they didnt have the permits? Youre canadian arent you?

yeah lol i want to feel bad for this guy but who, if anyone, did he hire for a home inspector? if you're buying a house put down $500 for a loving inspector christ

# ? Mar 6, 2018 23:05

Barudak: May 7, 2007

boner confessor posted:

yeah lol i want to feel bad for this guy but who, if anyone, did he hire for a home inspector? if you're buying a house put down $500 for a loving inspector christ

Hes says it wasnt caught by the inspector as though thing one the inspector would do wouldnt be �hrm the floorplan shows load bearing walls, and when i look at your basement, there appears to instead be two mops with googly eyes�

# ? Mar 6, 2018 23:17

Hispanic! At The Disco: Dec 25, 2011

Barudak posted:

Who the hell inspected your home? Who the hell during discovery didnt find out they didnt have the permits? Youre canadian arent you?

We're pretty irresponsible when home buying because we just assume Mike Holmes will fix it for us. :canada:

# ? Mar 6, 2018 23:25

Andy Dufresne: Aug 4, 2010; The only good race pace is suicide pace, and today looks like a good day to die

boner confessor posted:

yeah lol i want to feel bad for this guy but who, if anyone, did he hire for a home inspector? if you're buying a house put down $500 for a loving inspector christ

At least in the US no inspector is going to catch the issues mentioned. You'd need a specialist hvac guy and a structural engineer to check out the house as well. The first isn't common, the second is somewhat common for houses with foundation history.

# ? Mar 6, 2018 23:27

Scathach: Apr 4, 2011; You know that thing where you sleep on your arm funny and when you wake up it's all numb? Yeah that's my whole world right now.

Inspections in the US are notoriously lovely. An inspector generally can't pick things up and move them around so if you have a ton of giant holes in the wall and cover them with posters you're good to go.

# ? Mar 6, 2018 23:37

meat police: Nov 14, 2015

Have to be very picky about getting a home inspector. If the house ends up being a complete dud after being given an all-clear your only remedy is maybe getting a refund for the inspection lol

# ? Mar 6, 2018 23:43

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Scathach posted:

Inspections in the US are notoriously lovely. An inspector generally can't pick things up and move them around so if you have a ton of giant holes in the wall and cover them with posters you're good to go.

a competent inspector should at least be able to smell something fishy unless the cut rate flipper did an exceptional job of fraud

# ? Mar 6, 2018 23:48

Khorne: May 1, 2002

boner confessor posted:

a competent inspector should at least be able to smell something fishy unless the cut rate flipper did an exceptional job of fraud

Hint: If they're flipping properties it's almost always fraud. It's just hard to determine if the fraud is being committed against the original owner or you.

# ? Mar 6, 2018 23:53

boner confessor: Apr 25, 2013; by R. Guyovich

Khorne posted:

Hint: If they're flipping properties it's almost always fraud. It's just hard to determine if the fraud is being committed against the original owner or you.

i mean, did a good job of fradulently covering up the hack renovation

it's an odd mix of cutting corners while exquisitely masking the cut corners

# ? Mar 6, 2018 23:54

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Doggles posted:

Use this one simple trick to open the relationship. Infertile husbands hate it!

I am [36/m] infertile. My wife [34/f] wants a friend she chose to get her pregnant. What do I do?

lol that this lady has conveniently forgotten that artificial insemination exists

she's so desperate to have a child that she has been forced to sleep with her ex, there's simply no other option, woe is her etc etc etc

tbf it appears to be working because it made OP forget too

# ? Mar 6, 2018 23:55

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Hahaha imagine your teenage daughter having horrific menstrual pain for 3 whole years of her life and not caring at all that going on birth control will lessen or eliminate her problems hahahahaha oh man so funny

Really though, she should hit up Planned Parenthood and be done with it. Assuming PP exists in her area of Texas, there's literally nothing her shitbag mom can do if she's granted any form of birth control by a clinic.

"BUT WHAT IF SHE FUCKS? BIRTH CONTROL MAKES YOU A WHORE!" -Her mom, probably. Also probably not knowing that she already HAS.

loquacius posted:

lol that this lady has conveniently forgotten that artificial insemination exists

she's so desperate to have a child that she has been forced to sleep with her ex, there's simply no other option, woe is her etc etc etc

tbf it appears to be working because it made OP forget too

I mean, he literally mentioned that he talked about clinics but she puts on a tinfoil hat and says she doesn't trust them.

No clinics, must gently caress.

# ? Mar 6, 2018 23:57

cowofwar: Jul 30, 2002; by Athanatos

Get prescription, fill prescription, get money for suggested herb bullshit from mother, use money to fill prescription, put prescription in bottle of herbs mother suggested, say herbs worked, problem solved.

# ? Mar 7, 2018 00:04

Bearded Whiteguy: Mar 2, 2018; I APPROPRIATE THE PLIGHT OF OTHER RACES TO FILL THE VOID OF BEING A FAT USELESS FUCK

Haifisch posted:

My [16F] mother [40sF] is strictly against me taking birth control for medical reasons.

quote:

Another is that I just contacted the clinic and the nurse told me that I might be too young to be able to have confidentiality between my doctor and I (I live in Texas, US and I'm not so sure about the laws here so if someone could give me a heads up on that it would be nice).

So in Texas she needs parental consent. This is the law because Texas is horrible.
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-gulf-coast/facts-about-minor-consent

Even someone in her case where it's not even sexual related, but is instead about her painful menstruation, she's forced to have her mother there and it is not confidential. However, a doctor could talk to her mother and ease her mind about it. Plus, the doctor could also tell her that many women have less of a sex drive on birth control so she's even less likely to engage in sex! Boom! We just solved America folks!

# ? Mar 7, 2018 00:11

BOOTY-ADE: Aug 30, 2006; BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

ArbitraryC posted:

It's weird tho cause I found the thread and it was posted recently but I swear we saw nearly the exact same post like a year+ back. Husband putting off fertility test, finding out he's infertile, and his wife's immediate solution being a "natural" donor. Particularly someone they both knew and the husband disliked.

Funny enough, that Reddit post had the original from 2 years ago right in the comments :lol:

dude just changed a couple details and ran with it I guess

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/41x5gl/my_wife_34f_wants_mutual_friend_to_father_our/

# ? Mar 7, 2018 00:17

Whorelord: May 1, 2013; Jump into the well...

Gf [24F] wants to quit working because of severe anxiety. She wants my support. I [27M] don't know.

quote:

So I'll try to keep this short.

My gf of 2 years has struggled with severe anxiety and agoraphobia over the past year. We've seen all the doctors, therapists, etc. under the sun but nothing has stuck. Two months ago she was fired for various reasons from her job as a personal assistant. In those two months, she said she's never been happier and she has finally felt normal.

Last week she sat me down and told me that she doesn't plan on finding another job anytime soon. She told me that she realised the issue was the feeling of her old 9-to-5 job dragging down her moods every single day. She said she hated the routine and thought of suicide when she imagined working every single day for the next 30 years.

I can't say there hasn't been a difference in her. Since she's been laid off she's been much much happier and has even picked up some hobbies and new friendships. She's happy every day when I see her which is a great development.

However when I asked her about her long term plans (as in if she'll ever find another job) she told me that she wants to be a stay at home wife of sorts and just run the house. So, she wants to move in immediately as she won't be able to afford rent on her place soon with no income. She promised she'll cook all the meals and keep my place spotless.

I just don't know. Part of me is really really worried that she'll become a dependent sooner or later and I'll be stuck paying for all of her things. She's only 24 so the idea of NEVER working ever again worries me. I asked her if she'll look into other jobs that she might enjoy, and she flat out told me that she doubt she'll ever find any kind of regular job she would like. She says its the routine and scheduling and demands that sends her down a very bad place that starts her anxiety.

I have a high-paying job and my career trajectory will likely lead to higher and higher salaries, but still I don't think I should let her live with me right now. I don't want to accuse her of being a leach, but I also don't want to just agree to this kind of set up. I don't love working every day either, but I wouldn't have a choice if I end up supporting the two of us.

Has anyone been in a similar situation with a gf/bf who suddenly decided they no longer wanted to work? What did you do? Thank you.

tl;dr: Gf suffers from severe anxiety. Recently got fired from her job and decided she loved not working. Wants to become a stay at home wife and live with me, but I have second thoughts. What should I do?

"my anxiety is so bad that i cant work however i can easily go do things with my friends" :sever:

Whorelord fucked around with this message at 00:24 on Mar 7, 2018

# ? Mar 7, 2018 00:18

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 14, 2024 23:17

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

Haifisch posted:

My [16F] mother [40sF] is strictly against me taking birth control for medical reasons.

I wonder if she has endometriosis.

# ? Mar 7, 2018 00:20

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