new phone who dis posted:

There are other options for the brother like staying home and doing a JC for a year if he's feeling anxious that I would totally be behind, too.

new phone who dis posted:

Teach the man to fish before he ends up living in your mom's basement smelling like one.

StrangersInTheNight posted:

If the teacher is willing. Not everyone wants to teach, not everyone is suited to it, and not everyone should be forced to 'for the greater good'. Forcing that can actually hurt everyone in the end and leave everybody starving and fishless and also angry. That's my point.

quote:

Hello everyone,

I have been going out with my girlfriend since I was 16, and she is the only girl I've ever dated, kissed, etc. Our relationship has overall been very happy and we get along very well. Despite this, she has never slept with me, and we both remain virgins.

Now, I went into this relationship without any real expectations. I was a 16 year-old high school kid, after all. For the first couple of years, I assumed that she would sleep with me when she was ready. This is what they teach you in health class, right? Respect a girl's body and don't pressure her. That was my approach. We engaged in minor things like making out, but it never went farther than that.

At about the third year I started to grow worried. I started asking her what her plans were, and if she wanted to sleep with me. She didn't really have a good answer, and her excuses have shifted each time we've discussed it. She has basically told me that she is terrified of getting pregnant, mostly. She is also terrified of diseases. Now, this is obviously ridiculous, and she knows it. She's a biology student in University, and these are absurd excuses. She has told me that any contraception that "isn't 100%" isn't worth it.

I have approached the issue various ways, and I've usually just let the issue die whenever she's dodged my questions. This year, however, I've been growing incredibly impatient. I started asking her more directly and telling her that I want to share a physical relationship with her. When I did this, she got irritated, asking "Why does it even matter if we have sex?". She then asked me if I would stay with her if we never have sex. I was taken aback by this question, as it was unexpected, and she broke down crying, accusing me of wanting to break up with her if she doesn't sleep with me. After that exchange, I've avoided bringing it up altogether.

Now, there are a few things to consider. First, she is not religious, and has no moral or religious objections to sex. She has also confirmed to me that she is not asexual, and does in fact feel sexual urges sometimes. She has also made it quite clear that she doesn't intend to get married until she is in her thirties. I doubt that marriage would make much difference to this situation anyways, however.

While I know that many will simply encourage me to leave her, I am not comfortable doing this. I love this girl, despite what we are lacking, and I cannot imagine being without her at this point in my life.

Is there any hope for this relationship? Do I just have to accept remaining a virgin forever? Has anyone else had experiences like this?

I appreciate your advice!

TL;DR: My girlfriend of 6 years won't have sex with me, and can't seem to provide a reason as to why. I am getting stir crazy.

quote:

Should I [22/F] resign from new job because of insensitive question from boss [30s/M]
submitted an hour ago by cailinnaheireann26

Non-romantic. This is my first reddit post, I just need some advice to make sure I'm not over-reacting..

I began a new job over the weekend. I have a lot of experience in café work and was hired in a new place as a barista. On Saturday I had my trial shift, everything was going fine - if not a little awkward because it felt like I was intruding on a close-knit group, but maybe that's to be expected on a first day - until in front of everyone, my new boss made an insensitive and ignorant joke.

I am Irish, living currently in the south west of England. The boss began with, "hey, you're Irish right? This is something I've been thinking about for years and always wanted to ask an Irish person... During the potato famine, why didn't they just eat something else... like carrots?" He laughed along with the rest of the staff. I was shocked that he would ask something so ignorant, especially to a new employee, and I was nervous on my first day so I said nothing.

I worked a second shift the next day and kept myself to myself mostly, but I didn't feel I was cold. I spent time thinking about what the boss had said to me, I wanted to bring this up with him in a rational way and not say something impassioned in the moment. So finally yesterday afternoon I wrote him a text outlining why the comment was insensitive, admitting that I don't think he intended to be so offensive, but none the less what he said was rude and had hurt me.

In response to this text he, in no uncertain terms, told me that I was in the wrong for finding his question offensive. He then contradicted himself firstly by saying he has been to Ireland, respects the country, but on his travels noticed there was a lot about the famine but he never got the answer as to why those who died didn't just eat something else, it was simply an innocent question. Then he backtracked by saying he intentionally asks provocative questions on employee's first days to see how they respond under pressure.

I explained that regardless of your intention, if you offend someone, particularly in a workplace, you should at least offer an apology. I feel embarrassed and hurt because in this particular city I have already left one job (about 8 months ago) because the manager made anto-Irish comments to me in front of customers.

Am I right to resign?

TLDR: New boss made an offensive joke about Irish people on my first day, then refused to apologise or accept that it was inappropriate. Is this cause to resign, or am I too sensitive?

putrid aidsman posted:

Should I [22/F] resign from new job because of insensitive question from boss [30s/M

La Brea Carpet posted:

My [22M] girlfriend [24F] of 6 years refuses to have a sexual relationship with me

La Brea Carpet posted:

My [22M] girlfriend [24F] of 6 years refuses to have a sexual relationship with me

La Brea Carpet posted:

My [22M] girlfriend [24F] of 6 years refuses to have a sexual relationship with me

putrid aidsman posted:

quote:

This is what they teach you in health class, right? Respect a girl's body and don't pressure her.

quote:

Now, this is obviously ridiculous, and she knows it.
these are absurd excuses.

Yawgmoth posted:

If you have a child you should be suited to it or at least loving make an attempt at it, not foist the responsibility on others. That's the point.

Anne Whateley posted:

Remember when there was the guy who required threesomes and everyone was telling the woman "you knew the deal!!! you signed up for this!!!"

Mostly though I just wanted to point out this


you're also supposed to respect uhh . . . her

La Brea Carpet posted:

My [22M] girlfriend [24F] of 6 years refuses to have a sexual relationship with me

Blade Runner posted:

Imagine being so into your gimmick of defending the woman all the time, always, that you give your unilateral support to the person who thinks it's normal to not have sex for six loving years and then starts crying and trying to make her boyfriend feel like poo poo because he asks if they can gently caress after going out for more than half a loving decade

Anne Whateley posted:

Remember when there was the guy who required threesomes and everyone was telling the woman "you knew the deal!!! you signed up for this!!!"

Mostly though I just wanted to point out this


you're also supposed to respect uhh . . . her

Anne Whateley posted:

I don't think it's normal, she doesn't think it's normal. I just said he should respect her, so step #1 could just look taking her feelings seriously, like "wow that's a lot to be afraid of, I'm sorry you're scared, what would make you feel better," etc., instead of having the attitude of "this is some absurd bullshit she's making up."

La Brea Carpet posted:

My [22M] girlfriend [24F] of 6 years refuses to have a sexual relationship with me

Anne Whateley posted:

I don't think it's normal, she doesn't think it's normal. I just said he should respect her, so step #1 could just look like taking her feelings seriously, like "wow that's a lot to be afraid of, I'm sorry you're scared, what would make you feel better," etc., instead of having the attitude of "this is some absurd bullshit she's making up." Because guaranteed that contempt is coming through.

It's very interesting that you think crying is deliberate and manipulative though.

loquacius posted:

Once you're 24 years old and have been dating someone for six years, if you still don't want to have sex because it's scary and what if I get pregnant and start crying if your SO asks a question about it, I think it's officially a problem that needs to be addressed

he needs to move on, and she needs a lot of therapy, and they can both have a normal life apart from each other

Anne Whateley posted:

I don't think it's normal, she doesn't think it's normal. I just said he should respect her, so step #1 could just look like taking her feelings seriously, like "wow that's a lot to be afraid of, I'm sorry you're scared, what would make you feel better," etc., instead of having the attitude of "this is some absurd bullshit she's making up." Because guaranteed that contempt is coming through.

It's very interesting that you think crying is deliberate and manipulative though.

Ride The Gravitron posted:

I can guarantee that she's sleeping with every one else

But Rocks Hurt Head posted:

Holy projection, batman

Anne Whateley posted:

I don't think it's normal, she doesn't think it's normal. I just said he should respect her, so step #1 could just look like taking her feelings seriously, like "wow that's a lot to be afraid of, I'm sorry you're scared, what would make you feel better," etc., instead of having the attitude of "this is some absurd bullshit she's making up." Because guaranteed that contempt is coming through.

It's very interesting that you think crying is deliberate and manipulative though.

Barudak posted:

If he had any respect for himself hed walk away and never come back.

La Brea Carpet posted:

My [22M] girlfriend [24F] of 6 years refuses to have a sexual relationship with me

Anne Whateley posted:

Yes? Sure? I disagreed with none of that. "Respect" doesn't mean "I do exactly what the other person says forever and never ask questions," it just means stuff like believing them about their feelings and acting like you're on the same team if you're dating.

Anne Whateley posted:

Which part is projection, because I literally quoted the part where he said it was absurd and didn't believe it.

This might blow some minds, guys, but my first boyfriend was raised Catholic and still didn't believe in PIV outside of marriage. I agreed with that 0% but I respected it 100% for the years we were together. So my projection is perhaps not what you assume!!

La Brea Carpet posted:

My [22M] girlfriend [24F] of 6 years refuses to have a sexual relationship with me

quote:

I thought about that but she wouldn’t be okay with it. She gets irritated if I do as much as text a girl. lol

quote:

Thank you for the clarification and the advice. I’ve asked her about it, and she says that she’s never masturbated before. I asked her if she ever feels horny or anything like it, and she said yes, but that she just “ignores it and goes to sleep”. She has also told me that she has self control over such things, whereas I do not.

quote:

You’re probably right. There have been times that I’ve found myself researching ways to artificially suppress libido, which just speaks to how ridiculous I’ve been

quote:

Interestingly, she once said just that. “If there was a way there could be a 0% chance of getting pregnant, I’d do it”

quote:

I guess one detail I can also add is that we don’t live together. Her parents won’t allow her to move out until she’s married. Not that this changes much, just thought it was useful to mention

La Brea Carpet posted:

My [22M] girlfriend [24F] of 6 years refuses to have a sexual relationship with me

Anne Whateley posted:

You can repeat it all you want, but that's not actually my gimmick. She seems legit scared. That doesn't mean he has to stay with her if he doesn't want, but no, crying is usually because you are a human who's sad, not because you're evil and manipulative.

But Rocks Hurt Head posted:

Oh there's the lede

Whorelord posted:

your boyfriend was a dweeb

loquacius posted:

If after six years of having discussions on this you're still breaking down and crying over it it's officially no longer your SO's responsibility to deal with your hangups

I don't think she's intentionally being manipulative, but I do think she's resisting the idea of personal growth as hard as she possibly can

quote:

She has also told me that she has self control over such things, whereas I do not.