Jon Irenicus posted:

My [25 M] girlfriend [25 F] gets philosophical and talks a lot after sex. Does this happen to other people and how do I gently tell her I enjoy a few minutes of silent cuddling?

andrew smash posted:

Eh, on the second read of the post I threw you a bone

Caganer posted:

quote:

About a year ago, I was at a party. My very close friend, Carla, and her husband, Jake, were also there. Carla and I drank too much so Jake drove us home. Carla fell asleep in the car. When we got to my apartment, Jake walked me to my door, but then he tried to kiss me and pushed his way into my home. Inside, he assaulted me. He clearly thought I was black out drunk because he said several times that it was a very good thing I wouldn't remember any of it the next day.

The next day I remembered everything. I immediately called Carla but Jake answered and pretended like nothing had happened. I didn't want him to warn Carla, so I played along. I think he figured it out though. I wasn't able to talk to Carla until I went to her home uninvited when I knew Jake wou be at work. I told Carla everything. She told me that I didn't need to spin lies, she knew that I had dragged Jake into my apartment. She called me a bad friend and a bunch of other names. Eventually, I just said "You're going to regret this" and left. She took that as a threat and started telling all our friends that I had tried to seduce her husband while she slept and then made threats against her life. Most people didn't believe her but enough did. The past year has been rough.

About a month and a half ago, Carla walked in on Jake having sex with her sister. In the fall out, Jake admitted to lying about what happened with me. Carla has been calling me and sending messages through our friends begging me to forgive her so we can go back to how we were.

I want to forgive her. I do. But she didn't just destroy my relationship with her. She tried to destroy my relationship with everyone we both know. She said unforgivable things about me. She never for a second entertained my side. I get that it was her husband. I get it. But I don't know if I can forgive it. Does that make me a bad person?

My therapist says he gets it and doesn't want to push me in any direction. He says it is my choice if I want to focus my energy on rebuilding my friendship with Carla and he'll help me if I want that. But if I don't, he'll help me move on. I think often about the amazing times Carla and I had together, but it feels like there is this darkness eating away at those fond memories. I hate that she's hurting right now, but I think I hate it more that she didn't hate that when I was hurting. Am I selfish? What would you do in my shoes?

Tl;Dr: My friends husband assaulted me. My friend didn't believe me and spread false rumors about me. Now she knows I was honest, but I don't know if I can forgive her. What do?

quote:

I just really need someone objective to talk this over with. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 4 months now and I really, truly do love her. However, in this span of time she's been in and out of the hospital many, many times due to complications arising from a genetic condition she has. I thought that I was strong enough to stay by her side and support her through anything but the multiple health scares have really made me begin to doubt my ability to handle it. Literally the only issue I have with our relationship is how often she's ill and how often I deal with the emotional stress of seeing her in pain. She is an amazing person and I think about how lucky I am to be with her everyday, I just wish that I was strong enough to be the unshakeable rock she needs me to be. Even just thinking about ending it with her makes me feel like a complete garbage person. She deserves someone way better than me but she thinks that I'm the only one for her. I don't know what I'm really trying to ask or what I'll even get out of posting here... Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated.

tl;dr: My girlfriend is sick all the time, idk if I can handle it and I feel like an rear end in a top hat for even thinking of breaking it off with her.

Theophany posted:

My close friend (34f) froze me out (31f) when I told her her husband assaulted with me. She caught him cheating and she wants my forgiveness


I honestly cannot imagine being the type of person who actively considers the pros and cons of welcoming such dumb drama back into my life after removing it, to the point of having to consult the Internet about it.

Gorilla Salad posted:

By "assault", I'm going to assume she meant "attempted or actual rape".

If your friend doesn't believe you over that and does everything they can to hurt you even more, then they are never worth your time ever again.

Endorph posted:

a modern guess who's coming to dinner, only the girlfriend and the dad are the same person

Theophany posted:

My close friend (34f) froze me out (31f) when I told her her husband assaulted with me. She caught him cheating and she wants my forgiveness


I honestly cannot imagine being the type of person who actively considers the pros and cons of welcoming such dumb drama back into my life after removing it, to the point of having to consult the Internet about it.

Theophany posted:

My close friend (34f) froze me out (31f) when I told her her husband assaulted with me. She caught him cheating and she wants my forgiveness


I honestly cannot imagine being the type of person who actively considers the pros and cons of welcoming such dumb drama back into my life after removing it, to the point of having to consult the Internet about it.

hanales posted:

I think getting redemption by being believed and being able to forgive may help with her moving past the ptsd of being sexually assaulted, but that doesn’t necessarily translate into being friends again. But I don’t think it’s a terrible thing to consider.

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

Suing her mom, whose house she lives in, isn't gonna be a trivial drain on her resources no matter what

blugu64 posted:

Sometimes you have to destroy the village to save it.

StrangersInTheNight posted:

I am p. sure Caganer has been in a relationship where the woman abused him/her and didn't get believed bc that's the only reason I can imagine this level of 'sometimes it's the woman who is the abuser, guys!' for every dang post.

It's absolutely true women can be abusers and are often discounted as such or let off the hook for being women, but there's some tilting at windmills in that one IMO

Jeza posted:

At least she can get Carla to apologise to all the friends she lied to. Wouldn't even consider any rapprochement until that happens.

Jeza posted:

I mean, I probably wouldn't forgive them, but she can certainly get a lot of mileage by making Carla fess up to all her old friends about what really happened. But I do think it's funny that this thread gets angry over people who don't believe their SO's at face value and with zero evidence, yet when that happens as in this case, people are mad at this woman for believing her SO over her friend.

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

life is not a perfect information game, and as such, sometimes you make the wrong choice for an understandable reason, and your understandable reason doesn't change the wrongness of your choice, and then poo poo breaks, irrevocably

Jeza posted:

But I do think it's funny that this thread gets angry over people who don't believe their SO's at face value and with zero evidence, yet when that happens as in this case, people are mad at this woman for believing her SO over her friend.

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

life is not a perfect information game, and as such, sometimes you make the wrong choice for an understandable reason, and your understandable reason doesn't change the wrongness of your choice, and then poo poo breaks, irrevocably

Bored posted:

These people are exhausting. I hope they stay together so that nobody else has to deal with their dramatic asses.

(My roommate is like this.)
Edit:
I owe Blade Runner another clue to track down my hot roommate.

She takes a lot if selfies. She is making duckface in many of these selfies.

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

life is not a perfect information game, and as such, sometimes you make the wrong choice for an understandable reason, and your understandable reason doesn't change the wrongness of your choice, and then poo poo breaks, irrevocably

Gorilla Salad posted:

There's a slight difference when it comes to sexual assault and rape.

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

life is not a perfect information game, and as such, sometimes you make the wrong choice for an understandable reason, and your understandable reason doesn't change the wrongness of your choice, and then poo poo breaks, irrevocably

Gorilla Salad posted:

When a woman says a man raped her and the guy retorts, nah, she dragged me inside and assaulted me, there's really only one party you should believe.

Theophany posted:

My close friend (34f) froze me out (31f) when I told her her husband assaulted with me. She caught him cheating and she wants my forgiveness


I honestly cannot imagine being the type of person who actively considers the pros and cons of welcoming such dumb drama back into my life after removing it, to the point of having to consult the Internet about it.

Theophany posted:

Then again, maybe I'm an rear end in a top hat for backing the dude up on this. But only because I can relate, having endured the heartache of owning old, unreliable and expensive-to-fix cars.

I [24M] am contemplating my relationship with my chronically ill girlfriend [23F]

Jeza posted:

I mean, I probably wouldn't forgive them, but she can certainly get a lot of mileage by making Carla fess up to all her old friends about what really happened. But I do think it's funny that this thread gets angry over people who don't believe their SO's at face value and with zero evidence, yet when that happens as in this case, people are mad at this woman for believing her SO over her friend.

Jeza posted:

I mean, I probably wouldn't forgive them, but she can certainly get a lot of mileage by making Carla fess up to all her old friends about what really happened. But I do think it's funny that this thread gets angry over people who don't believe their SO's at face value and with zero evidence, yet when that happens as in this case, people are mad at this woman for believing her SO over her friend.

Gorilla Salad posted:

When a woman says a man raped her and the guy retorts, nah, she dragged me inside and assaulted me, there's really only one party you should believe.

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

the villain and liar in that story is the husband. he is a loving monster and in addition to raping his wife's friend he destroyed their friendship by using his wife's desire to believe she had not married a monster. the two women's relationship might not be fixable, but not because they did something wrong. the wife was presented with a horrible choice and if the husband had kept that part of himself hidden from her successfully I don't think it's fair to expect her to automatically side against her spouse in that situation

Theophany posted:

Uhh, aren't you supposed to use the gavel or something to make it official?

Theophany posted:

Uhh, aren't you supposed to use the gavel or something to make it official?

Theophany posted:

Sorry, but I don't buy it. You're either wilfully ignorant or genuinely stupid if you buy your boyfriend's 'but the drunk girl overpowered me' bullshit. Like, he didn't even flatly deny it or say it was a fabrication, he made up some bullshit story about a drunk girl dragging him into her apartment.